Boy that was fast huh?
Everything gets her upset these days the poor thing.
She gets rattled so easily.
That horrific day of driving with her was the day I realized that any little thing that is a tiny bit off makes her go crazy. She can't deviate from her plan or have confusion around her because it gets her very very upset.
Monday it was pouring rain. I called her as is the case she did not answer the phone. I text her and said, "Are we going to be out there today and singing in the rain?" (insert smiley face)
She did not respond to me. I walked down to her home in the wind and rain with my umbrella hoping we were not walking but showing up in case she was ready and waiting for me. She would not answer the door.
So I assumed she wasn't going. I was rather happy about that.
As the morning went on I began to feel that me not following up with her maybe irresponsible on my part. What if she couldn't get to her phone? What if she was hurt or worse? So then I wrote to her again and asked if she was okay. She answers her phone or I'd have tried that.
No response to my text. At lunchtime, I went to her home and she did not answer the door.
At 2:30p she texts me and said, "I assumed we wouldn't be walking due to the rain and I figured you would know that." Hmm, that was odd to say. I wrote back and just said, "just checking on you Lorrie since you weren't responding that you are fine. I am happy to hear from you. See you tomorrow morning."
This morning at 6:11 she emailed me. Who looks at email at that hour?
Apparently only me. Something told me to check my emails. I hadn't even turned on my phone yet but grabbed it to see if I had an email for some reason.
She indeed emailed me to say, "I am in the throes of Kristin’s getting the Estate Sale ready and am literally camping inside my house. There’s so much going on I can’t cope with any more plans."
Kristen is her daughter and when I was at her home last week she had a dining room filled with things to the rafters that were going to be sold.
See what I mean about every little thing sending her to the edge of the cliff? (That must be just dreadful)
Walking in the morning for a short time does not constitute plans to me.
But if having to be dressed and out of the house by 7a is a plan then that was exactly why your doctor and daughter asked me to do this with you.
I didn't debate any of this with her, it's her life, I was doing what was asked of me. I just wrote back and said, "Okay. If you need to run down here to get out of all the chaos you know you are always welcome"
So I just poured myself a cup of coffee and sat down with Rick and Izzy and had a nice cozy morning before work. I had already walked Izzy at 5:30a so I didn't mind not going for a few more hours.
I would bet anything she told her daughter some other reasons. As I have mentioned she will do anything to get out of moving and not sitting in a chair. She has asked me to lie to her daughter before. I would not do that.
According to her daughter, she said the doctor said that was the worst thing for her to do - just sit and not be moving.
Look, she's is going to die from this. She speaks about dying from this disease on every walk.
She claims to be prepared as she can be.
It's her life and if this is how she wants to finish it up isn't she allowed to do what she wants? I'm a bit torn on this.
I know if it were my husband I'd be making him get his arse outside.
But I also see her side. So there ya go.
I hope I never have to deal with this after my father.
I think I've had enough of this dreaded disease in my life.
4 comments:
This is such a horrible disease. I guess no disease is good, but there's something truly horrifying about losing your mind. I think it's the worst form of losing control of your body.
You've been a good friend to her. I'm in the school of thought that believes people should have as much control over their decisions as is reasonable at the end of their lives. Of course, there must be exceptions, but when someone is on the way out, they are losing control of their world. I say let them choose their way as much as possible.
I agree with Bella above that people should have as much control over their own daily decisions as possible as long as they don't put themselves or others in danger.
I also agree you're being a good friend to care and check on her as often as you do. Her daughter, though, sure seems to be tone-deaf. She should not be getting her mother's house ready for an estate sale with her still living there! That break in routine would upset most older people even those of us not entering into dementia.
Bellarum and Jean, yes control is a good feeling I think for her when she feels everything else is out of her control. As for estate,sale. They chose to do this now so the money can go to her new home. she is a bit of a hoarder. She chose all the things she wants to take with her to her new apartment and what she wants to sell now. I believe that while the chaos was overwhelming for her, she loved being able to pick what was going and what she was taking. It was a big positive to her so no need to be upset.
My friends dad had alzheimers. Totally awful. They would have to stay with him 24 hours because he'd do weird things like take everything out of the freezer or lock himself in the bathroom for hours.
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