Winding Down

Yesterday Rick made me very angry. I said nothing because I thought it best to walk away first and cool down.

He came into the room I was in and pulled up his shirt.

Me: What the hell are you doing?

Rick: Showing you my boobs.

Me: Why on earth...

Rick: It always works when you do it.

Damn him anyway.  I laughed, and he was right; it defused the situation.

In other news.

To the 3 or 4 readers I have left, I wanted to share that I will be winding down my blog this month.

I started it once I was downsized and went into our own business. 

I missed the camaraderie and my friends. Most stories had humor.

Now it's just old lady issues.  No fun in that for you or me.

I also feel as though the Canadians are boycotting American blogs, along with everything else, and frankly, I understand it so very well.

So I will be here in September, and then I'm retiring. 

I will continue to read you all, but I won't be writing.

In the meantime, a couple of memes.

This is my favorite place from my hometown of Erie, PA. It is one of the 11 beaches on Presque Isle State Park.  For those not familiar, it's on Lake Erie. We are still calling it Lake Erie right?  He's not changing it because it is an Iroquois Indian name for long tail is he?  Oh wait he isn't that smart to know that. (presque isle is a long tail land mass that juts out from PA into the lake)

                                    Who says I don't have culture?

                                

                           
                        Oh please!! It feels very dark and heavy here.

Reading While Moving Your Lips

I had an amusing incident at the doctor's yesterday.

A bit of the backstory, which of course is TMI.

I had to get Rick back to the doctor's to follow up on his E. coli experience.

Whew, that was bad.  He is feeling darn good today.

In fact, this morning he shared that he finally had a solid BM. Gee, thanks, Rick.

He said, "Nothing says you're old like worrying about BMs"   Sadly true.

He had explosive diarrhea and severe stomach cramps that knocked him out for 10 days. Nothing worse than a sick man, let me tell you!!!! 

While I waited in the waiting room, I was just people-watching as one does.

A lady sitting across from me was reading a book.  A real book in her hand.

That made me happy to see.

Then I noticed she was moving her lips as she read. 

I smiled and thought to myself, well, I talk to myself, so she reads to herself. 

No biggie.

But then she turned the page and began to shake her head vigorously back and forth like she did not like what was on the page, then up and down as if to say, that's better.

I looked away for a minute, and then I heard loudly, "Oh, no, he didn't!"

I looked up, and it was her, but she just continued to read her book.  

She never looked up from the book. 

At this point in time, I was behind her to her right, and there was only 1 older man left in the waiting room who behaved like her heard nothing. How could that be? Or he was more polite than me and just ignored her outburst.

Honestly, I loved that she was that into her book. 

I tried to see the name of the book, thinking I may need to check it out of the library. But I never got a look at the front. When she was called to the back, she pressed the book to her chest, so I didn't see it then either. By God, I tried. I should have walked over to ask her.

I also loved that she made my time in the waiting room so much better.

She honestly entertained me.

Flashback Friday

It has been awhile since Ive done a flashback. 

It has also been a difficult week so let's go in the way back machine. (Yes that's a reference to Mr Peabody)

Can't wait to hear your answers.

_____________

Can You Tell Your Life Story In Exactly Six Words?

I was reading this article on 6 words Memoirs.
It got us all talking here today. 

I thought some of them in the article were pretty funny and clever.
I, however, am neither that clever or smart.

I came up with two right off the bat that are pretty spot on for who I am.
Want it All, Wanted it Yesterday.
Great Childhood, major hiccup, blessed adult.

So I am asking you all to not be shy and tell me your 6 word memoir.
C'mon,  come play with me.

Dr. Helpful

I spent an hour with Dr F.  He met me in the lobby, shook my hand, and walked me back to his office. 

The first thing that he asked me was, "Boy, you said my name correctly.  Do you know someone with my last name?"  

"No, but I'm Italian American, and those types of names are easy for me."

He said my current last name and then said, "This must be your married name."

Sure is.

Then he asked me to tell him my story. WHAT? A doctor asks questions, looks me in the eyes, and HEARS me?  What the hell is this?

We went over everything.  He and I didn't agree on some things, but I'm willing to go with him until I see he is wrong, I told him. He had such a hearty laugh when I said that. He said that was all he asked of me. 

We chatted a lot about all this stuff, and sometimes he would just laugh at me. He said, "I know how this is upsetting you. I've seen the tears come to your eyes a few times, but Margaret, you're damn funny, and I appreciate the humor through the pain. Have you ever thought of being a stand-up comedian?"

Ah, if only I had a dollar for each time I've been told that one.

I just laughed off his comment.

Towards the end, he was asking about how much I drink alcohol, smoke, drink pop, etc. When I used the word pop he asked if I was from New York.

I told him I am asked that weekly. 

No, I am not; besides, people in NY say soda. I'm originally a Midwest gal.

May I ask why you think I'm from NY?  What am I putting out there?  

He said it was just a feeling, not a bad thing at all. Then he told me where he was from. Then he shared that his brother lived where I used to live in VA. He said it's beautiful there, and everyone is so friendly, but he couldn't live there because it was so expensive. Yep, that is why I'm here.

Those who don't speak with a southern accent here are from outside the area. Most of the people in Raleigh speak just like me. It's not until you get to the outer suburbs, like where I am currently residing, that you hear the accent.

We went on and on. He even drew on a whiteboard to help illustrate some things going on with me. He told me why we were doing some of the tests we were about to do and what was going to happen going forward.

He asked me to be patient, and we would get his worked out.

I can't really ask for more at this point, right? 

I just had a doctor listen to me, hear me, look at me and not his computer and asked about me. WOW. I haven't had that since I left N.VA and my former doctor.

So we shall see, won't we?

Everyone here asks me if I moved here from NY. Most say it like it's a dirty word. NY is a big state. Do you hate the whole state, like the Catskill area or the Adirondacks, Lake Placid, Rochester?  Or is it only New York City? 

They stare at you when you ask them this. Most think NY is only Manhattan and the burbs; it is so damn weird. It would be like me thinking Texas is just Dallas.  Sometimes I want to ask people if they went to school and had geography classes, but that is frowned upon, so I just stare at them and assume they voted for the diaper-wearing orange pedophile.

How's that for turning the judgmental tables?  

So to those who know me, why do all people here think I'm from NY?

I don't get it. I don't even speak like someone from NY. 

Now, my father was from 'da bronx' after coming to America. 

He was the one who talked funny. Mudder and fadder were his parents.

He was a plumba who worked on turlets.

When Rick met him, he said, you told me you had to go to speech classes; now I get it. I laughed, but that was not why I had to go, I explained. 

Thankfully, my mother spoke great English, no accent, and would never allow us to say words like my father. (although she said sangwich)

It became a joke in our family. And my father's humor went along with us all making fun of him. He was quite successful in his field, so it didn't stop him, but it was funny.

Yesterday was long, but hopefully we'll get somewhere. If we don't all die before that. Rick ate watermelon that we got at the Raleigh Farmers Market. Supposedly grown on this guy's farm. Rick got severe cramps and severe diarrhea, and it's been 3 days of him being ill. We are now calling his "walk" down the hall to rush to the bathroom the Stroke Boys Shuffle. Poor guy can't walk fast, and he then shuffles down the hall as fast as he can, and his mean, mean wife laughs listening to his big feet going as fast as he can.  I recommend getting him a pillow and having him stay in there. He said I may have to. This was on day 1, the worst day.

They say this should be over in a week. We did go to Urgent Care. 

He's gotten better on day 3, but it's not good. He can't eat, and he has gained a few pounds, so I told him to think of this as a really awful diet. I am thankful we have two bathrooms and that I did not eat any watermelon.

It's going to get better, it's going to get better, it's going to get better.

I think I'll say this until it does. 

Library.

I stopped at the library to pick up reserved books. I called Rick to be sure all was OK. I had been gone for a bit already. I told him where I was and that I'd like to stay a bit. Did he need anything? I asked him not to cook. He laughed and promised he wouldn't.

Sometimes 30 minutes alone gives this caregiver the ability to decompress for a minute. Or sit in my car and cry so I can then move forward with a smile and be a good care giver.

There are big comfy chairs in the back to sit and read.

I grabbed a chair, exhaled. After a few minutes this man who sat across from me kept staring. Just as I was thinking that I should leave he leans in and said," i feel like I know you from somewhere."

Nope, don't think so, I'm not from here. He said he wasn't either. He asked where I worked. Ha ha, the white hair wasn't a give away? "Im retired."

May I ask you where you worked? 

Galileo

Never heard of it.

I smiled and went back to my book hoping he was done.

May I asked what you did there?

I was a senior sales executive/contract negotiator.

I was hoping like hell that was it.

Nope.

He said ah. Car salesman?, eh?

I wanted to scream or punch him, but I just nodded my head and looked back at my book. I did not ask him about himself. I just wanted to be alone and who'd have thought I'd have this maga creep to deal with at the library. Perhaps if he opened a book instead of his mouth he'd learn something. I didn't do or say any of that Im proud to say.

Sir, I'm just here to relax and read if that's ok.

Hopefully that would shut him up. Then he started on another woman. That did it. I left. Does this man think it's a pick up bar? She looked at him with such disgust.

But being the wench I am, I went to the front desk. These ladies know me so I felt safe doing this. I told them about this dude bothering us all quietly reading and enjoying the peace. In unison 2 ladies said, "Oh God, not again.  They said they'd take care of it and i left.

In my car I sat there and thought maybe I was being petty. I had then decided I don't care. I'm tired of tolerating everything.

I drove home. The house was still standing. Leaving Rick alone can be scary. He leaves the stove on, water running and lights on in rooms he's not in. The stove and water are the ones that concern me. And the falling of course. All were in one piece. 

I stopped and got him a peanut butter cup. He laughed like crazy. You see he always would buy me  chocolate when he went on a work trip, 

So I knew this would make him laugh. And it did as I hoped.

In other news....a cancelation opening was available so I see the endocrinologist late today. Fingers crossed i get answers!🤞 

Happy Hump Day!

Oh, Canada

I would like to sincerely apologize to Canada!

Our demented diaper wearing pervert is slamming you all again. It's him...NOT US.  The red hat wearing cult members but NOT normal folks with an education and teeth. We LOVE our Canadian neighbors. 

In other news a very good friend of mine sent me this. She thought it fit me perfectly. While its damn funny I'd never wear it. But it is nice to be thought of I suppose!?

Speaking of Canada I saw where SCTV is now going to be streaming. It will be on Netflix beginning Sept 1st. We used to run home to watch this show. No VCR's back then

It's going to be cool this week only in the 80s. This morning it was glorious outside. If I hadn't needed t. o go to the doctors I'd have just sat my butt on the patio with my morning coffee. It was only 65 degrees! Happy happy happy.

I'll leave you with this--It's a thriller on Hulu called Furious. 1 episode left. Emmy Rossum, who was in Shameless, is the lead here. I have a feeling I know the twist but I won't know until Monday darn it. 

Any of you watching this?

Grocery Shopping

 Hello Sunday.

I was at my favorite store, Wegmans, doing my grocery shopping. 

I know enough to not go to the grocery store on Saturday, but I went anyway.

Note to self.  DO NOT DO THAT AGAIN, STUPID. 

The wine aisle was impossible to peruse, so I didn't, damn it.

For someone who always feels it's a bit too peopley out there, this was a lesson in patience and in holding my thoughts inside.  Also, not running over children who were not being supervised or parents who stopped to talk on their phone mid-aisle.

She was saying, " Oh, he was cute, but too many red flags.

I wanted to scream, move to the left or right or get off the freakin' phone.

How did people shop before they had a phone in their hand?

I get the husbands who are talking on the phone in any given aisle: "Honey, I don't see it. No, there are no red cans....
How many times have you seen or heard that? That makes me giggle.

But personal calls can wait, can't they?

Sorry, went off there.

I was in the gluten-free aisle looking for things as one does. 

This couple who appeared to be about my age were going back and forth about a brand of bread they were holding. They were struggling. Think it's good? Worth the price? Should we try it?  That type of thing.

I took a chance: "Not that you asked, but that's pretty good bread. I am not a big fan of sourdough, but it's good. Their deli bread is like a light rye. Great for Reubens and Ruben casserole. Stay away from anything UDI.  Terrible.

This guy asked if he could go home with me.

Ha! 

I asked if being gf was new to them. Yes, indeed it was. It showed. 

He said, "It's so overwhelming, but being sick sucks too.  

I nodded because I certainly understood. I told him it does get easier. But it always will be a pain in the butt.  He laughed and said I see that. 

Feeling good is the reward, so there is that I shared; hang in there.

Then I asked, "Have either of you seen rice paper? I did not see it in the Asian aisle. The gentleman asked me to repeat what I was looking for. 

I repeated, "rice paper"

He made a hand gesture as if he were rolling a joint.  

I had a hearty laugh in Aisle 17a.

No, sir, not rolling papers, rice paper to make egg rolls. They look just like egg roll wrappers, only clear. 

His wife jumped in and asked, "You can do that?"  She was now excited.  

I told her I sure hope so.  I make a mean egg roll but can't eat those pesky wrappers, so I saw where someone made them with rice paper, and it worked. My tip to you is--Just remember soy sauce is gluten - use Tamari instead. He said, "dear lord, soy sauce is gluten too?" He made such a face I wanted to laugh. But not at him, only because I've been him. It sucks to find out that you can't have malt vinegar on your fries or soy sauce or ever go to a Chinese restaurant again.

The gentleman now put what he was holding in his cart, grabbed my elbow, turned me a bit, said goodbye to his wife, "I'm going home with her; she has this gluten thing down, and I won't starve."  LOL

Omg, people are funny. I saw them later in the ice cream aisle, and I smiled.

I saw him coming towards me, and I feared what was coming next.

He asked me where I was from. Whew, better than I imagined; I thought I might get some Yankee bullshit coming my way.

I responded, "My accent gave me away, did it?"  

He replied with a resounding, "NO, your friendliness"

Ah, thank you. They thanked me again, and off they went.

See, I'm not the only one who sees how unfriendly it is here. 

Southern hospitality, my ass. 

It's always a good day at Wegman's!!

Dinner by Rick

If you're keeping up here on the blog, you all know Rick said he would make dinner Friday. Yes, he did make dinner for us.

He made stuffed peppers. They were great. 

I must admit that 50% of that was because I didn't make 'em. Haha

Saturday he made meatballs. He had my Grandmother teach him how to make her 'famous' meatballs. He mastered them.  So we had meatball hoagies with melted mozzarella. Yes they make gluten free rolls and they are awful. So I skipped the bread. Rick's looked so good. He put it under the broiler for a minute and when I brought it to the table I was drooling. This is when I really miss bread. The melted mozzarella didn't hurt.

So that was two days of only having to clean up. I like that! And we have left overs to boot.

Then on Sunday we used the meatballs again. It's a good thing we like left overs.

Back in the days of going out and drinking there was an infamous diner type place. After the bars closed everyone wanted food. This place was famous for their meatball omelettes. Oh they had all kinds of food but this is the only thing I'd ever had there.

Rick told me when he first moved to my hometown he was out with friends and they took him there st 2am. He thought the whole meatball omlette idea was gross. So I asked him why then would he order it? He told me because they all raved about it and I was drunk.

Ok, good reason. 

He LOVED it and now understood this tradition.

So this morning I asked if he was interested in a meatball omlette? His eyes lit up. Yes!

I made them and we both sighed after our first bite.

Ah, memories.

I don't know what's for dinner tonight but I can tell you its not meatballs. 😀

Aging Backwards

 I'm aging backwards. Yippee!

As you all know I've been dealing with medical,shall we say, 'shit'

Nausea off the charts, dizzy, falling, fatigue like never before to name just a few of my symptoms. Then I got spots on my arm. I went to see a dermatologist who told me it was just old age. I didn't believe her but what could I do?

Now they are going away. So does that mean I'm getting younger? If so I'd like to be 44 again please. You know where everything is up where God originally put them.. 😇

Last night a good friend called and we got caught up. I showed her the spotted forearm and she told me a co-worker had this. It was her adrenals. She gave me more info that sounded like what I've dealt with over this year.

I immediately called an endocrinologist. I go the last day of September. I hate waiting so I asked if there was a wait list I'd like on it!!

                           

Old age.....

Getting younger....

Next time I talk to you all, I'll have my old Auburn hair return, pert boobs, and nary a wrinkle. 44 it is baby!!

🔥🔥🔥

It is to be a 'feels like' of 105 with your standard southern thick humidity on Thursday. 

I think this may feel like being cremated alive.

I've always been hot in temperature compared to everyone else. When I was a kid I had to share a room with one of my sisters. She was cold and I was sweating like a 50yr old in menopause, but I was only 9 years old.

The first night I slept over at Rick's, I got up dripping in sweat and opened a window. In the morning he asked if I opened that window. I said, " Yes, sorry I was just so warm" 

He said, "it snowed inside." Not a good impression but his water bed was so hot and his house was warm, I was dying. 

I suggested he stay at my house next time. He made me promise not to open the window and let it snow inside. I promised.

So as you can imagine menopause was fun for me. Wednesday felt like that! Hot flashes galore kind of heat

I had to go to the pharmacy, grocery store and gas station. 

I could feel sweat running down my back as I got gas. I did drive thru pharmacy so I could sit in air conditioning. Then the grocery store. It was hotter than hell. Then the lights flashed on and off. I wanted to hurry because I thought the air was dying, it felt hot to me.  The check out woman was dripping in sweat. She kept wiping her face.

As I was walking out I heard them say they may have to close the store. No A/C is a good reason to close in high 90s if that was even the issue.

By the time I got home, unloaded it all, I looked like I went swimming in my clothes.  Rick took one look at me and saw my wet hair and said, "Is it that hot out?"

Nope, just being dramatic.😀

I took off my tee-shirt and wiped my face, hair and cleavage. Rick came into our room and said, "Just cool off,I'll put things away" I gave him a kiss and said thanks and jumped in the shower. Cool shower. It felt so good.

I walked into the kitchen, cool, refreshed and then I saw it. He was standing there holding things & looking around. 

I asked, "Don't know where it goes there Ricky?"

He laughed, "oh I knew you'd come out here too quickly."

He held up the gluten free puff pastry-"Pantry or do you freeze this?" 

I thanked him for trying but I think its better if I put things away so it won't be a hunting expedition when its time for me to find something. Rick was always bad at this but since the stroke it sure isn't better!!

He said,  "I'll do what I do and take out the garbage." Agreed. At least we remembered to do that this week.

When I was younger, about age 30, I'd say the perfect marriage for me would be to have him live next door. He could take out the garbage, car maintenance, service me and fix things....tee hee

I would have him over for dinner and even do his laundry. 

But the TV and remote would be mine. No sasquatch or alien shows. No violent so called action films. In fact music would be on more than TV!

Eat ice cream for dinner or no dinner at all. Okay, a glass of wine or a Tanqueray for dinner. 

When I lived in Ohio  Rick called me from PA. We were just shooting the shit and he asked what I had for dinner. I told him a chilled Tanqueray with 3 olives. 

He told me gin was not food. I told him I had 3 olives. He just laughed.  I would have a drink, do my paperwork and call it a night. I hardly ever cooked for myself. 

Then I met Rick who always cooked. I moved in with Rick and he continued to cook. He said he loved it. Great because I hate it. Then I married Rick and he did most of the cooking.

Then Rick had a stroke. Ah, we are going to starve. 

I do almost all the cooking now. Rick does from time to time but as he has said many times, He's lost his mojo.

He says it all the time in frustration. So I suggested he just cook more and it will get better. (See what I'm doing there?) He told me I was probably right even though my intentions were evil. I laughed like a fool. 

He said, I've had a stroke, I'm not stupid Margaret. 

See? I told you that you were doing better!

Nice save, but I  call bullshit, he says through laughter.

Not buying it eh?

I think I'll started Friday. Dinners on me!

Okey dokey!

In the meantime I have gf pizza dough just in case.🤣🤣

Smile

Now our food is killing us or giving us explosive diarrhea. Lovely.

No lettuce, no jalapeños, and more. Now, as a Celiac, my foods that I do eat a lot of are salads, homemade Pico de gallo, and eggs.

I never ever buy bagged lettuce, which was the first culprit. Then they suggested lettuce by the head. Oh great. We were told to take the outer leaves off and throw them away, then thoroughly rinse the head of lettuce. Nope. I still fear it all. I don't want Cyclospora, which causes weeks of severe pain and explosive diarrhea or death. Not worth a salad. 

Now they say Salmonella for my jalapeños from Mexico.  

I seeded a jalapeño I had purchased some time ago. I put the seeds in a pot on my patio to see if they would grow. I eat my homemade Pico daily, until now. So no salads, no spice, no wheat. What's a gal to do?  

You'd think I'd be skinny, wouldn't you?  Rick tells me all the time he doesn't see how I don't lose weight when I hardly eat. My thoughts exactly, buddy!  

I watch him eat ice cream, candy, and junk food every night as I drink water. 

Oh well. God made me chubby so I'd keep my clothes on, I swear. 

We are heading to the big Raleigh farmers market to buy produce not from Mexico. We want homegrown food. Our world is crazy. I got bell peppers from Canada as well as mushrooms. Plz Canada, don't give me salmonella or explosive diarrhea.

I'm not in the mood to die either. 

I went to pick up rice paper in the Asian department.

I was going to make egg rolls, and since I can't use regular egg roll wrappers, I saw a man who made egg rolls with rice paper.  YIPEE. 

Gluten-free, and I already know how to make the insides. But my store had no rice paper. 

I asked the woman who worked there, and she told me to just use egg roll wrappers. 

I smiled and thanked her and went along my merry way. 

I always smile, but inside I'm thinking, "Did I say egg roll wrappers? If I wanted egg roll wrappers, I'd have chosen one from the 3 piles of them you have in front of me. I don't fucking want egg roll wrappers, lady" 

But I only say this in my head of course. 

It makes me feel better so I can smile at this woman and thank her

It's what we refer to as my Peggy face.  I was given my Peggy face as a child. It's served me well, I suppose. Rick got it from the first week he met me, when we were with other people.  He asked why I did that. 

I told him, why make others feel bad?  Just smile and move on. 

But did I move on or just add it to a pile of shit I was stuffing down?

When my mom was sick, I never wanted to upset her or make her worry about me. So I smiled and always said things were fine or great, no matter how heavy this all felt to me at the time. (I was 10.)

 

When my mom died, my father told me not to cry at the funeral because it made others feel bad and uncomfortable. (I was 13) When people talked about my mom or came to our home, I served the coffee and pastries and smiled because that is what I was told to do. Stuff it down and smile. 

Be kind to everyone but myself was what it felt like it was about; I just didn't know it then.

So there have been many difficult times in my life, and I just put on my Peggy face. Make others laugh, make others comfortable, and smile, smile, smile. Today I didn't want to smile, but I did. She didn't deserve my anger; I was just in a bad mood. 

It's been 60 years of that shit. Smile! I am getting tired. I fear all this pent-up smiling will explode one day, and I won't be kind to someone, and I'll say what is on my mind. But I continue to practice kindness, keeping it inside and smiling. Eventually, there will be something worth smiling about, right?  

Scared Pantless

I wear a bone conducting headset like the one below.

Last night Rick fell asleep in his ugly chair. It was late but I really wanted to finish something I had recorded on HGTV.

Since he was asleep I changed the channel and using Bluetooth on my TV I put on my headset. This way it could be loud but Rick couldn't hear anything.

When my show was over, I woke Rick to go to bed.

Off to bed we went. I fell asleep pretty quickly.

Around 2AM Rick heard people talking in the house. It was faint but he was sure it was people talking. He grabbed his baseball bat and began to go towards the hall as quietly as he could. 

Now you need to know this, Rick sleeps naked.

So with his bat and naked he walks into the hall.

As he's telling me all this, this morning, I am snickering, "so you're naked, holding a bat with a big stick,eh?"

At least it made the man laugh.

As he got into the hall is when he heard a TV commercial. When he got into the living room he saw that the TV was off, No one was in our home. However I did not turn off my headset last night. I just took it off and went to bed. I put it on the coffee table. He was hearing my headset. How he heard this I will never know. It was so faint and not close by.

This stroke has given him the ability to hear and smell like a dog...except when I talk of course.

Needless to say he was thrilled no one had broken into our home. But I got an earful. We had some good laughs this morning about it. Thankfully for the insipid TV commercial with the lawyer on top of a semi screaming "I'm on top of it", he could relax.

As he was enjoying his morning coffee, he turned to me and said, "This is going to be blog fodder isn't it?"

He knows me so well

English

Yes, I did sound grumpy yesterday, and I apologize.  I guess depression makes me grumpy. So you've been warned.

I took speech classes for 7 years.  First grade to 7th grade.

I was taken out of reading class to go to my speech class. I was made fun of for this, and I hated it. But I loved the people in my class. Especially Heather, who could not say her TH's or her S's.  But she had a monkey in her home, and that thrilled me. Of course, my mom said it was terrible. "Imagine how that house must smell."

I didn't care; I wanted to go to her house and see her monkey. She brought in pictures, but I wanted to touch it, hold it. But never got to damn it. 

I know I've told you this before,  but it's been 14 yrs  :-)

I could not say my Rs, and I would stutter occasionally.  Especially when I was trying not to, as funny as that sounds.

I spoke like Bugs Bunny's friend Elmer Fudd. Wabbit, Wadio, Wick.  Yep, that was me.  I still, from time to time, slip, and boy, Rick catches it so quickly. 

I swear on my mother's grave that this is the only time that man is actually listening to me. 

When working in Manhattan, I would stop at a pharmacy that I had difficulty saying without the first word, then stop and say the 2nd word. Put them together, and I sound like Elmer Fudd.  Duane Reade was the pharmacy.

Duane Weade it would become if it was said together. After all these years, that one still gets me.

 

The ever-loving ball buster, Rick (or wick), would say, "What's that pharmacy in NY where you got xyz?"  I knew what he was doing, so I'd tell him CVS.  He would just laugh. I usually gave him the finger after that too and laughed.

The other day at a doctor's office, the nurse told me I had such good diction. I laughed and thought about ole Elmer Fudd. I just said thank you. She asked if I took speaking lessons. I told her no, but in grade school I did take speech classes for a stutter and my R's.  She also said, "I thought maybe it was just because you were from up north."  I just laughed to myself at that thinking. 

What do they think is going on above the Mason-Dixon line?

That evening Rick and I got settled onto the couch to watch a movie on a streaming service. We had to stop the movie. Every woman spoke like it was a question. 

Up-speak, we call it.  I have a drink in my hand?  Oh my, that was annoying after a while. Their speech patterns were so weird and a bit Californian that we just couldn't stomach the show.  I turned to Rick and said, "Why didn't they get to go to speech class to learn how to speak?"  He laughed and said he thinks that generation thinks it's cool to speak like they haven't had an education.  That made me laugh.

Then I said, "God, Rick, we're so fucking old."  

We then found another movie where they were British, and I just couldn't understand a thing they said unless I had closed captions on.  It was a night of different languages.  All English. Yet neither of which I seemed to know. But at least this was a good show.

Thankfully, Ted Lasso is back as of last night

God, how I love this show. And heaven knows my husband loves the show and loves Hannah Waddington even more. I told him it could be his hall pass because, you know, she'd want an old guy with a limp and who is poor.  He laughed and said, "Well, you just never know, now do ya?" 

Ted Lasso makes me happy; it's good for what ails me, I suppose.

Do you watch it?  I wish Ted Lasso were president. Oh hell, I wish anyone would be president with a brain and who doesn't shit his pants or lies.  I'll stop there; that could be a whole paragraph.

So do you watch Ted Lasso if you have Apple TV, and if not, why not?  

I genuinely am interested. 

 _______________

Yes, It's August

 Yes, Abby, it is August. Not sure I'm up for this, but will try.

I'm struggling right now. I don't think I wish to go into it right now, but I'm sure I will at some point.

I will share with you that since I have been staring into the abyss, I have also spent many hours staring at the tube.  Sometimes watching, sometimes just staring.

From all I've seen on television -

There is a block of I Love Lucy, Dick Van Dyke, Mary Tyler Moore.

That is comfort for me. I love old sitcoms. I don't know why but it's like a shot of dopamine for me and it is needed.

I did watch Ride or Die on Prime, and I liked that. Octavia Spencer and my husband's girlfriend, Hannah Waddington.  It was far better than I'd have thought. It was funny, along with the action. I love both of these actresses, so it was a good watch for me and Rick. That doesn't happen often since we both like such different genres.  Action is not usually something I like but the humor in this made it different.

As I continued to stare at stupid insipid shit on TV, I am convinced Carmen Electra is rude and stupid. Not a good combo. There is a show about the dumbest celebrity. I think she will win. I don't know the name because I was just staring, mostly out the window, really.

If I never see that show again, it will be fine. The remote was across the room, and I was too lazy to fetch it. Yes, I know that is awful.

In the wee hours while I'm awake, I did watch a marathon of Dateline.

Just once, honestly, just once, I'd love them to say the person who was killed was a horrible person and mean to everyone. But they are always the best person around, kind-hearted, life of the party.  

And finally our TV. Our television was going nuts. It would change channels on its own. It went from Netflix to Channel 5 news. Then another night it flashed on and off a few times in a row.  It's been wild. Poltergeist again? 

If it had been our power, other things would also have flashed. 

It did this for a full two days and suddenly stopped as quickly as it started.  Whatever it was, it got our attention; that is for certain.

Tipping - 

I am sick to death of tipping. I was a waitress for many years in my teens and 20s. I did not make minimum wage, so tipping was the way to make a living wage. But the woman at the coffee shop who takes my order gets paid minimum wage; why must I tip her? Then they shove the tablet in front of you and ask, are you tipping. I want to say for what?  You handed me my drink; that is what your job is, right?

Now here's the biggest rub for me. Hairdressers.  

They should not be tipped, I'm sorry. 

But God forbid you don't, and see what happens to your hair.

I went to a salon when I lived in Ohio.  There was a sign that said, We are professionals, like your doctor.  Do you tip her/him?  We do not accept tips.  

My hairdresser charges $100 for a cut.  So that is $120 every time I get a cut with tip.  If she does 10 haircuts a day for 5 days, that is 24K a month. Why am I tipping her?  That is roughly $250K a year.  Now that is only if she did cuts. But coloring, as you know, is several hundred more; extensions, etc., are all much more. It really infuriates me that one must tip a hairdresser.

When my gyno put fuzzy slippers over her stirrups, should I have tipped her?

My hairdresser in VA back in the late 90's was making 150K a year working 3 days a week, she told me. Again, why do we tip them? 

I am an over tipper when it comes to service at a restaurant. I also tip the porter who carried my bags or the bellman. 

I honestly can't understand in this backward town that haircuts are higher than those in the big cities I've lived in. There was a place charging $35 that I tried when I moved here. I wore a hat for a month.  

Okay, that rant is over.

I haven't laughed a lot of late, but this did make me smile. So damn true!!

                                       

                                     Who is gonna tell her?

Time Away

 I need to take some time away from the blog.

I imagine I'll be back in August and hope you'll all come back!!

❤️

Pizza

Honestly, if I had known that as an adult that I would have to figure out what to make for dinner for the rest of my damn life, I may have rejected adulthood!

Rick and I went to the local farmers market for veggies and fruit yesterday.

Then I spent the afternoon cleaning and rearranging the pantry.  It also stores appliances and a plethora of things like a wok, etc.  

When I got out of the pantry, I saw what time it was. Oh shit, dinner.  

Rick walked in from the garage all hot and sweaty, and he said to me like I'm a 1950's housewife that he was getting hungry.  

I asked what he was hungry for, hoping he'd say an Arby's and he'd go fetch. 

But nope.

Rick told me he wasn't hungry for anything really. 

He then asked, "What would you like me to cook?"

(you just saved your ass buddy)

I said, " Anything your heart desires."  

He stands in front of the pantry and then fridge and proclaims, "I'm going to go shower."  Where the hell is he going? Now?

I had a gluten-free pizza shell in the pantry.  Now are these good?  Oh hell no, it's more like a cracker crust. Made by a company in Europe, and they are called Schar's. Now, when someone raved to me about it, I had to try them.

When I made and ate this for the first time, I was shocked. 

She raved like this was the best thing ever eaten.  Oh, it was not.

But I now understand. None of them are good, and this one is better than most.

It really does fulfill my pizza craving.

Now to my point.  When Rick got out of the shower, I suggested we do our own thing.  He had leftover lasagna, or he could make a burger, and we still had some potato salad. 

He asked what I was going to make for myself if he had any of the above. 

I told him a white pizza.

He said, "Would you share your white pizza with me?"

"Did you forget this is a gluten-free shell, cardboard of sorts?"

"I didn't forget, but I think a white pizza sounds great"

So I filled my house with the aroma of garlic in the olive oil warming.

We both put together the pizza, and it was fabulous. As Rick said, even on a bad crust, it was 5 stars.  I must learn how to make gf pizza dough. 

This morning when we woke up, we both said simultaneously, "It smells like garlic in here" and laughed.  Thankfully, we both love that smell. My theory is that even though we both brushed our teeth after dinner and in the morning, we probably still smelled like garlic, but if you both eat it, you cross each other out. :-)  That's my theory, and I'm stickin' to it.

Tonight is another lazy dinner. I love these.

BLT's.  We got some great-looking tomatoes at the farmers market, and we have bacon and lettuce.  No, not Taylor Farms lettuce!  That's all we'd need!  With my luck these last couple of years, I'm not eating any fruit or veggies from the grocery store.  This parasite is bad!  But then what parasites are good?  Hmm....

Weather

Fire, Flooding and Heat.

Wherever you live in the US one of these is in your area.

My friend in Erie PA said their town looked apocalyptic from all the smoke coming from the Ontario wildfires. It must be awful. I saw video of NYC and you could barely see the buildings. 

I am dealing with heat and a drought with water restrictions. My plants are not loving this weather either. 

I watched an HBO documentary in the 80s. Orson Wells was the narrator. It was about Nostradamus. I remember a few things vividly. This weather he wrote about and the time frame is one of them. And its happening. Wild.

I hope wherever you live you're high and dry, not floating away or melting. Be safe.

Where I've Been

Where have I been? 

Not doing anything fun, that is for certain!

Doctors and more doctors.  

We have begun to play games again.

We used to do that a great deal in the winter when we lived up north.

So we decided that, since it's too damn hot to be on the patio or anywhere without a pool, we were going to stay indoors and play games.

Now Rick and I are both so competitive. Me, maybe even more so, but I will never admit it to Rick. 🤭

Rick likes to play games that he knows will be difficult for me.

Like anything with spelling or math.

He wanted to play Scrabble, and I quickly said no.  He laughs.

The last time we played, he got beaten. He can't let it go.  I, who can't spell a lick, won, and boy, that bugs him so.  It does make me laugh because how I won was funny to me.  I entered the word 'id'.  What the hell is that? he asks.

Before I can answer, he says it's not a word. I insist it is.

He tells me to use it in a sentence.

Okay. I won Scrabble tonight with the word id.

He didn't find that as funny as me.

He grabs a dictionary.  I tell him that it is against the rules.

He replies with so are made-up words. I tell him what it means.

Now he is laughing and saying bullshit.

He looks it up. Guess who won?  This is such a thorn in his side; it is very funny.

So we had to play another game of Scrabble, and I let him win.  HA HA 

Seriously, he just won fair and square, but it was close for a bit.  He felt so much better.

Backgammon is another game we used to play a lot.  So we pulled out the backgammon game.  I won, and he swore I cheated as we both laughed. He has never won a game of backgammon against me. Since 1987.  I like that. 

So that led us to the following week to play poker. 

Because he plays poker, he thought he'd teach me. I know he did it so he could win, but I went along. 

I can never remember what is better. I kept referring to it like Yatzee.  He didn't like that. But he did make me a cheat sheet so I could look at it and see what is better than another etc.

Now, Rick is not observant, so for the love of God, I do not know how he wins at poker sometimes. You see, Rick has a lot of "tells"  

When he puts his tongue on his lips, I know he has nothing.

When he plays with his chips, he has nothing.

So yes, I won at poker, and my God, he wanted to know how the hell I kept winning. I finally told him 3 of his tells. He was shocked.  

I told him he had to pay attention to more than just his cards.

He put the cards on the table and said, "How about go fish?"

I just laughed and said, Nope, I just don't wanna see you cry babe"

We are the weirdos who like game shows like Password, 1% Club, and Quiz with balls. 

The first time I watched the 1% club, I made it to the last question and blew it. 

Have not gotten that close since.

The Quiz with balls is easier. They had a category that was baseball. Rick said, "I'm cooked."  Yep, I knew them all. We used to play Password all the time.  He and I are a good team. He gets me, and how my crazy mind works, so we are a formidable team.  Then there is jeopardy.  I suck at Jeopardy. Unless it's Geography, TV, music, or fluff questions. I am awesome at college or celebrity Jeopardy because those questions are far easier.

The other night, there was a geography question, and he asked how the hell I knew that. I said I worked in the travel industry. Before I was in travel software, I was a travel agent. I would need to know where places are located, don't you think?  

He just pfff'd me. 

Do you play games as an adult? What games are you good at?  

The Holiday Weekend

We all saw the videos and pictures of the 5 people who attended Trump's big American Fair.  Everyone was at the Pride Parade, a few blocks over :-) I loved it. If I still lived there, that's where I'd have been.

This weekend, Demented Donnie is speaking to the masses (HA HA) for the 4th of July. It's going to be 110 and humid as all hell. I am hoping for his orange to melt down his face. Okay, truth - I am wishing for death by heat stroke on this 80-year-old creep.

Teddy Roosevelt also said the following:

God help us. I love my country, but I despise that guy. No, I can't call him my president. He didn't win. He cheated. Not mine!

With the World Cup here, we are seeing all these Europeans get excited about air conditioning in our homes and stadiums, etc.  They giggle like little children, and it's so cute. They seem to love our food, the free coffee refills at the diner, and the free pop refills. I've been watching quite a few of these types of videos, and they are both funny and touching. The one man was told Texas was the size of 6 European countries, and his eyes got huge. He kept saying it's such a huge country. Hey buddy, Canada is bigger. :-)  

They seemed to find Walmart, Buc-ee's, and Chick-fil-A awesome.  '

I find all 3 of those just Yuck. 

Well, Chick-fil-A, I've never eaten at and won't due to their LGBTQ discrimination.

Some of them cried at the Grand Canyon and couldn't believe it was real.

And lastly, we talk to everyone, and that was a biggie to them. 

Standing in line, your wait staff, etc. Yes, that's me. If someone is reading a map, don't you ask if they need some help?  

Apparently, in the UK, none of that is done. That is wild to me. 

A lot of those from the UK said you also don't say hello to someone you don't know if you pass them on the sidewalk. Really?  At least nod and smile? Wow.

We take a lot for granted, don't we?  

I am shutting down my phone and computer. 

No social media of any sort after today.

I want a nice, calm, quiet weekend in my cool home, staying inside.

(and not falling)

Wishing you all a Happy 4th.