Tuesday, June 28, 2022

Not PC - Enter at Your Own Risk

Sigh! I do have a fractured ankle. The type of fracture they told me is due to tendon tear. Not much can be done for me. I have to go to Physical therapy. I have a goofy knot on my foot too. He wants me to wear my boot for stabilization. Then go back to see him in a couple weeks.

This ortho doc is not exactly the stud muffin I had up north. Up north Dr Tall,Tan and Gorgeous was, well all that!

This doctor looks more like a tall Wally Cox or Barney Fife. While I'm sure he is a great doc, I just preferred Dr.Tan,Tall and Goegeous! 


Dr. TT&G did my torn meniscus, my torn rotator cuff and labrum. Rick insisted I was hurting myself annually so I could see this man. I did not, but gee it did hurt less with him I swear. 😉

Rick had a great eye doctor who was seriously drop dead gorgeous woman of Indian descent. Her name was Dr. Myboobie. Now I know that is not the spelling but it is how you pronounce it. She wore low cut tops and boy she was stacked. He said he could see those just fine. I bet he did.  
I saw her photo and yep, she was everything he said she was. So he can not give me grief about Dr. Tan,Tall and Gorgeous.  

Why would an eye doctor wear tops like this? Unprofessional to me but she had prestigious awards, and accolades for her work.  Because each appointment she was dressed like this it was the only Dr  appointment Rick didn't mind going to.  

Then again, maybe that's the ploy, Gorgeous doctors make it hurt less. I'm in trouble then with Wally Cox. He will just have to be brilliant. This isn't Grey's Anatomy.😄

How incredibly shallow of me I know. 

Sunday, June 26, 2022

😜

Ok I'm less cranky today. 😁
We did attend the art festival Friday night. It is not for us. Not the right clientele. But Rick talked to two vendors. One bought tables and charcuterie boards and did designs on them with epoxy and resin. She did not turn the wood. She told us everything we assumed the minute we got there.
But, you don't know if you don't check it out. It was free so no harm done except the walking in the ole boot.

I have a theory. Hear me out, then let me know your thoughts.

I've heard from several Dr s over the years that the majority of time when you hear a woman broke her hip when she fell it is not from the fall.
They believe the hip breaks and then they fall.

Well you may or may not know but steroids make your bones brittle and tend to cause broken bones. I was given calcium to help prevent that while on the massive dose. (You know that list of pills I take for the side effects of the pills I take)

As I told you in my post in May, I stood up from the sofa and I was about to sit right back down but my legs gave out. That has never happened before.  
Maybe it broke first when my feet hit the ground. (Remember my feet don't touch the floor when I'm sitting on the sofa) then the fall happened. It wasn't a big fall, it was right in front of a small coffee table. I hadn't even moved any more than standing and then beginning to sit down.
I really think it broke first causing the fall.
But what do I know?

I am done with steroids on the last day of June. It's this Thursday and I can not wait!! Not done with chemo yet but the steroids are almost done and they are the real devil.

When I was at the Drs having an X-ray, she didn't see a fracture. She could barely touch it without me yelping. I felt like a hypochondriac when they said nothing was found.  When I got home she called me to say that she was wrong. She felt that my pain made no sense so she reviewed the x-rays again along with the other Drs in the group. Then she called to tell me what they saw. She apologized profusely. I told her well it at least explains my pain and it's not in my head.  

The ortho she referred me to called Thursday nite to say they could get me in on Monday. To keep wearing the boot to stabilize until they see me. 

So now Rick won't let me do anything. You think it sounds nice, but it's not. He wasn't like this for the last 6 weeks and I reminded him of that but honestly he hovers like an old Italian Grandmother! Hungry? Need anything? Lemonade? Ice Water? Go out to your shop Richard and leave me alone. I had to tell him I'd call if I needed anything. Shoo!

I need to find something that keeps me moving. All this sitting and laying around is horrible. I cleaned bathrooms, kitchen, living room and put all Rick bowls, cutting boards etc in a HUGE rubber maid container. They were all over my dining room table. We were out of table space. I prepped dinner and made a dump cake. He came inside to lecture me to get off my foot. Mind you I can't eat dump cake and after he had some he said, "you could make this while sitting at the island couldn't you?"  When I said yes, I think it made him feel better. Like I would sit to make something. The goof ball. 

Now I've been on my feet and walking etc for 6 weeks. When I would say I think there is something more going on here cuz this really hurts like hell. He'd tell me it just takes time for a bad sprain to heal. Now he's acting like my father and Grandmother. 

Speaking of men. F--k the Supreme Court. Even if you think having a choice over your own body is wrong for some unfathomable reason - Just wait you're/we are going to lose more of our rights and liberties. One of em will get ya. This is all about control. 




Saturday, June 25, 2022

Squat and Bend

Do you remember when Rick proclaimed he was no longer bending?

Well apparently the list has grown. I asked him why he makes such a mess when gets those big bowls out. He informed me they are on the top shelf of a lower cabinet and he can't see them so he just grabs. So then he just knocks other things over all willy nilly. I don't care for willy nilly.
I suggest he squat since heaven forbid he doesn't bend anymore.

He laughed and said, SQUAT? I don't squat!
He then informed me he no longer squats or bends.
He stated that he is now only verticaL or horizontal. 

Will you still move? I ask him. Oh sure as long as I'm Vertical or Horizontal.

Guess there's no chance of Rick breaking his ankle . 😁

Thursday, June 23, 2022

You've Got To Be Kidding!

Remember the fall I had?
I wrote about it on May 8th. 

Well, it is still incredibly painful so I tried to go to urgent care but was turned away and told to make an appointment. When I went online they weren't taking any for a few weeks, or had no openings. This is an 'Urgent' care. Not very Urgent to me. 
This happened at 2 different places. So I figured, it's no big deal, just a bad sprain, let it go. But it continued to hurt like hell. The other day I walked a great deal and then I was in a lot of pain. But I'm whining so much I tried to just let it go. No big deal. 
Push through as is my motto. 

Rick convinced me to go to my primary care. I did go on Thursday. I had an X-ray and it's broken. Imagine that.

When it rains it pours. What the #$@! kind of black cloud am I under? 

Honestly if I don't laugh I'd jump off a very high bridge. 

She is sending me to an ortho. Because she is referring me she expects me to get in on Monday or Tuesday. In the mean time I am to wear a boot. Which is very nice and hot, which is awesome in summer.😝 

I think I'm going to go to my bed and not leave until this black cloud leaves!!
Or maybe go to bed with the covers over me until 2023. 

Rick and I are going to a local art show of local artisans on Friday (today) It will be a lot of walking so my boot will be on.
Life goes on. 😁





Cooler

I am a bit cranky and very warm. 

Yesterday it was a balmy 98. Our air was blowing warm air out of the vents but at first we did not notice. It was very late afternoon when we were aware of it.

At first I thought it was a hot flash, which the meds make me have. 
But no, because then Rick came inside and got incredibly warm. He went to the thermostat and saw it was 82 at that point in our home. (5p) Yuk.

As the day/nite went on it sure didn't get any better. I have short hair and my hair was wet and I was inside. 

Rick and I were picking tomatoes from the garden after dinner. He thought I was walking back to the house but, nope. I grabbed the hose and sprayed him from behind. He yelped and jumped and then turned around and said, "Do this side" 
Then he soaked me with the hose. We were like children out there laughing and spraying each other with water while fully clothed. Ooh it was cold but it felt so good.

We came inside after squeezing the water out of our clothes. When we got inside we stayed in those wet clothes for a bit and sat on beach towels It felt good since the inside of the house felt almost the same temp as outside.

I called a company that everyone on the Next Door App recommended. I knew they were closed but I thought if I left them a message maybe they will be able to come tomorrow. Rick laughed at that. "No way we will get someone that fast"
But I had to try.

This morning at 8:22am they called. We can have someone there between 12p-5p. Ok!  Then at 10a they called to say that someone canceled and could they come in 15-30 minutes. YES!

This wonderful young man came and figured it all out. This kid was someone Rick would meet on a jobsite and try to steal him to come work for him. He was professional, personable, and very knowledgeable.  When it was more (as in the problem not money) than what we thought, he explained and showed us the issue. Because we agreed to the service call/diagnostics cost he wanted us to know this part would be additional monies. We said we most certainly understood and thanked him for explaining.  He was and is a great representation of how a service professional should act. I called the company to tell them so. I also left a review naming Jonathan.
Rick and I were just so impressed by him. 

He and Rick shared a few stories about going into people's homes. They were laughing about the people who won't answer their door but will peek out the window and they called you, but won't let you in. Jonathan was shocked it happened to Rick and his men too. He said in all honesty I thought it was because I'm a man of color and on their porch. Rick said nope they did it to me and 2 of my men who were white so it's people Jonathan, they are nuts!!  Jonathan said,"For some reason that makes me feel better"

He is gone now and the air is strong and coming back. I can't wait until it's cool again in here. Tonight we are going to sleep really well.

How do people survive this heat and humidity without a/c? I am sure some have to.
I am so blessed to have it!!

Tuesday, June 21, 2022

How Much Ya Wanna Bet?

You have all asked about Rick selling his wares. He will be doing that eventually.
He is working on setting up an Etsy account. 
He will also be doing a couple of other things that as they occur I will share. Right now we are trying to figure out Etsy, photos, business cards, tax info and the like. He will in time. He has a lot more things to make. Inventory you know. He is working on a coffee table right now.
Then he will do some easier things like some cutting boards because those sell easily. 

So as soon as he is selling I'll let ya'll know.
He is getting damn good though isn't he? 
The one with the expoxy (blue one) was a scrap piece of log. 
He was holding it when I went out to his shop. I asked why he was just staring at it like it was precious or something. 
He said he wanted to think about what he could do with this piece. 
Too small he said. Then he smiled and said I know - I will build this up with epoxy and because it's not level it will have movement. I had no idea what the hell he was talking about but he was giddy. And then he turned around and put it on the lathe. That was my cue to leave. 

The wood is placed into this plastic bowl and taped in place with duct tape. He mixes and pours the epoxy in the bowl around the wood. It goes of course where there is no wood. It it held in place with another plastic smaller container. The whole thing then goes into this "pot" that looks like a pressure cooker, I think he calls it a vacuum pot. I know it takes out the bubbles in the expoxy. It is a few days of work in and out of the "pot"  just to get the epoxy with no bubbles and to cure. I saw each step and I told him that watching wood porn has sure paid off and back into the house I go. I know why he is showing me this and I don't want to know so I leave.

Usually when Rick has something in the pressure pot or curing somewhere he begins to work on another piece. He got a free microwave someone was throwing out. I didn't understand why it was needed in his shop when our microwave is just a few feet inside our home. He laughed at me and said it was to dry bowls not for food. HUH?
Apparently the wood must be very dry. He weighs the wood or bowls, puts them in the microwave and weighs them again. He writes down the weight and does it again. This continues until its weight does not change, meaning it is dry. It's a whole thing I find oddly interesting. That has taken days to get the right amount of moisture out of the wood. All I know is that even a small bowl is several days of work or longer. He had me watch this man he watches on YouTube who does this for a living. The man explained how to charge for your work. 
Hours of labor, materials, etc. Sometimes a very small bowl will cost more than a larger one and I just didn't get why that would be. That is why he's been showing me what goes into them. Ah, I get it now. I don't want to because I can see I am going to get sucked into helping him in some way? 
I know that is why he is showing me so much. I've been to this rodeo before. He wants me to help with some of this. Wanna bet?  When I said as much to him, his tongue goes to the side of his mouth and he smirks and says, "Nope I don't want you to be any part of this!"
Yea sure, and I'm 5'6" tall!

Oh Margaret I don't want you to have to do anything, he says. 
We are not working together anymore, he says.
Margaret can you use your nice camera and take some photos for Etsy?
Margaret can you see about a website and designing some business card?
Hey Margaret think I ought to have a spreadsheet for abc or xyz? 
Yesterday I told him I changed my name and I wouldn't answer.
He just laughs. 
Why or why do I have to be with a creative man who can do nothing else?
Why must I be the brains and he be the talent? Argh!  (yea I laughed too when I wrote "the brains!" ) 

Monday morning as I was feeling like I got hit by the chemo stick I walked into the kitchen where he was cleaning the stove (he doesn't do this people!) wiping down the counters and I saw that he had washed dishes AND cleaned off the island. (this is major you just don't know it- Oh he does dishes but never cleans up the kitchen!)
I went over to him as he was rinsing a lid at the sink and I just gave him a big ole bear hug from behind and kissed his back. 

He says,  "so cleaning the kitchen gets me affection but building or making something from nothing doesn't?"  
I laughed and said, "the way into my pants is housework baby not bowls." and I walked away. I heard him laughing as I walked down the hall. 

Sunday, June 19, 2022

Sunday Sunday Sunday

Rick spent Father's day in his workshop. I know that my Mondays and Tuesdays are difficult for me so I tried to get a lot accomplished Sunday.

Rick came in to show me the 2 I saw he was working on. I ooh'd and aah'd while in his shop and I asked him to bring the two in when he finishes.

Here is some of his work from today. 
This is spalted pecan. Yeah, I never heard of it before either but it's pretty.

Love the blue epoxy in the knot below.


Then he finished polishing the one I saw last week when it was almost done. It's a Japanese Cherry with a red epoxy rim. 



I did chores and watched/listened to the Yankees lose after 9 straight wins. It was bound to happen but...

I know that I won't be here tomorrow and maybe even Tuesday. I'll do my best and try. But I have to play it by ear right now. Those are always very bad days.

Here are some memes that I enjoyed this last week.

Oops!




ok I just had to throw this in. Who knows how long we'll be on this ride!


This is my niece and her husband. She posted this on their anniversary this week. 
I told her they look like a couple in an advertisment. I just adore these two! 



This horse makes me laugh. I love Sugar! And can you blame her?

Yes, Rick sent me this one below. Smart Ass.
Today vs. The 70's

Did you ride in the back like this at times? My sister and I did. The only reason our father yelled at us to get down was that he couldn't see. Nothing to do with it being dangerous for us. Nope, all about his line of sight. For some reason, I find this funny. Of course, I don't think we should do this today but when I think of all the things I know that this generation who are raising kids would have their heads explode. Drinking from a hose! OH MY!   ha ha

Friday, June 17, 2022

Reclining Work

Random items going through my head today.

Since this medical shit has started with me I have watched more TV than I have in my entire life.  Especially at the beginning of this when I was on 60mg of steroids daily and was up all night long. 
Here are two of my observations over the last 3.5 months.
  • 70's clothes - Everyone is wearing all the things I wore in high school. The Today show has a woman showing new products wearing something I had worn in high school. The complete outfit!  I'm so old that my fashions from the 70s are in style again. 
  • Andy Garcia was one hot stud back in the day. Now he looks like any one of my Uncles. Damn it. Anyone see this guy in When A Man Loves A Woman? OMG, that is f---able Andy!!!  Now in Father of the Bride, he's my Uncle.😪 (yea I know I've aged too but not my Andy.)
  • The majority of things I see on HGTV when not major remodeling I've done before myself. I watched a couple of shows and said, "no big deal, I've done that."  "Oh, that's easy, done that many times." "Oh no, it's easier if you do this first." Yeah, I think HGTV needs to give me my own show. 
  • I have also noticed that every time a Minion commercial is on my husband giggles like a little kid. How weird is that? He just loves those "critters" and their voices.
I watch Jimmy Fallon and Kimmel and Colbert a great deal when I can't sleep. Jimmy Fallon asked his viewers to send in their worst first dates. Here is a link. You don't need to read anything more than the actual text telling the story. Some are so damn funny!!
 
Yesterday Rick was in the pantry and saw the evaporated milk. He asked me what evaporated milk was exactly. I don't know and I laughed. He was standing there staring at it when I said, "if it was evaporated wouldn't it be gone Rick?"  He turned and said, "oh you're a smart ass, but that is actually a good question."  We both laughed and that was that.  I know what condensed milk is but I actually didn't know about evaporated milk except I use it in recipes. So I had to google that. Apparently, they evaporate all the water content or half of the water making the "milk" creamier and thicker than regular whole milk. So how is that different from half and half he asks me. Oh shit, I don't know! What are you doing in the pantry anyway Rick? You making me dessert?

Yesterday I got an email from my hometown newspaper. 
The email was just the obituaries from the Erie Times Paper. 
WTH was that about? I have looked at the papers obits before since it's my hometown and people die that my mom has told me about and I will go there. But to get an email? Weird. And no I have no account with them. 
I panicked and asked Rick if I was dead? So I went through the list and knew no one thank goodness but still do not understand how or why I got it. 
I found it rather creepy!

There was a man in the obits that was 90 yrs old. The photo was of him at maybe 22 at best. Really? Why do people do that? So if I have an obit I should put my good ole 25 yr old self when I was at my peak? We were laughing and then Rick said, "You have spent your life not having your picture taken. So I will have no photo to put in the paper."
 
First off buddy, no obit in the paper for me!! We've talked about this.
2nd, I have pictures, all those selfies you take of the top of my head.
He said, "Oh this is Margaret's head, she died this week."
I laughed and told him to "go for it I dare you."  That made us laugh. 
We have a lot of photos of the top of my head and I think those are perfect.  I think I look pretty good here considering we were camping and I just got up. Whatcha think? 😀

Then yesterday Rick came inside to watch his favorite show, The Price Is Right. I heard him in the living room so I went out there and he asked "Hey are you going to watch with me?"  Now honestly I could care less, but I decided I'd have a 2nd cup of coffee and watch this with him.
There was a prize that blew us away. BUT not like you'd think.
Here it is for all those who work from home. It is a Zero Gravity Desk
Since I only worked from home my entire career except when at the airport I liked being comfortable but this is ridiculous.

I had several questions.
1. How lazy are you?
2. Where do you put your water, or coffee, or beverage of choice?
3. What if you have to get up quickly to go to the bathroom? It went up but slowly, hope you don't REALLY have to go.
4. Does a catheter come w/this thing? That was both our comments sadly.
5. How can you work from that position?
6. Wouldn't you get tired of this position?

In case you can't get your butt up after being in a prone position all day or you have diarrhea and you have to get out quickly...good luck. 


I was shocked at the prices of the different models. The most expensive was 12,995 - 19,995 or as they call it, the Ultimate Workstation - I imagine there are people who like to work like this. I'd rather be at a stand-up or a walking desk over this. Rick said he wouldn't be productive working this way. I am certain I just couldn't work like that at all.  
That position for me would be for watching a video or movie, or reading only. But to work?  Not for this gal. 

Then Rick said something like an old man would say, "what if you have to write something down"  I burst out laughing and said, "No one writes things down anymore, it's all typing"  
He laughed and said, "I show my age daily now don't I?"  
Yes, we do babe.

Wednesday, June 15, 2022

Seeing a Pattern

I bought some pineapple orange banana juice that I like from Dole.
As I am unpacking the groceries Rick picks this container up.
 
He said, "Gee, this would be good with Prosecco for a mimosa, or even vodka, don'tcha think?"
Okay. Good to know Rick.

Then he saw the lemonade I bought because I was tired of squeezing lemons.
"Ooh, lemonade would be good with tequila for a summer refresher on the deck"

Then much later when he went to the fridge for something he saw my tiny spicy V8 cans in the fridge and he said, "hey Margaret those would be a good bloody mary brunch item don't you think? A little bacon on the side"  He is laughing now.

See the pattern here?
I see an issue is what I see. 
Gotta run, I'm going to see where the local AA meetings are for Rick.

Monday, June 13, 2022

It's here

 Summer is here!

...HEAT ADVISORY REMAINS IN EFFECT UNTIL 8 PM EDT THIS EVENING...

...EXCESSIVE HEAT WARNING IN EFFECT FROM NOON TO 8 PM EDT
TUESDAY...

* WHAT...For the Excessive Heat Warning, dangerously hot
conditions with heat index values ranging from 110 to 115
degrees. For the Heat Advisory, heat index values ranging from
105 to 109 degrees.

* WHERE...Portions of central North Carolina.

* WHEN...For the Excessive Heat Warning, from noon to 8 PM EDT
Tuesday. For the Heat Advisory, until 8 PM EDT this evening.

* IMPACTS...Extreme heat and humidity will significantly increase
the potential for heat related illnesses, particularly for those
working or participating in outdoor activities.

___________

Guess it's best to stay indoors until fall. 

😎😅

I'm a wench.

I have a friend named Susan in Chicago. 
Susan is a gorgeous Chicago Cubs fan. She is as beautiful as she is kind.
I was communicating with her over the weekend while the Chicago Cubs and NY Yankees played ball.  We text during the game and chat baseball and gossip. :-) She asked me if I ever saw this horrible woman we all disliked named Barbara. I said, "Oh lordy no! I did nothing wrong and don't deserve that kind of punishment Susan!" She laughed. 

Anyway, my friend Sue and her hubby are coming our way in the fall and we are planning to get together. They are going to Asheville and while that is a few hours away Rick has been dying to go. 
Why? Because there is a man there who sells large slabs of walnut and oak. He loves working with walnut and walnut appears to sell well. 
He needs some big slabs for making tables so when I mentioned going to Ashville to meet my friends from my old job he was happy to go. He is now saving money for this trip. (to buy walnut) 
This man and his wood!  Dear Lord that sounded dirty, LOL. Take that however you wish because he's a man and it works both ways...tee hee

Rick knows of Sue but has never met her. But as Rick has always said, "she worked in the travel industry she's going to be fun!"  
That was what he thought of all the weirdos in the travel industry that he met. He kept saying they are all fun, and crazy and I see why you fit in. Mmmm....insult? compliment? Neither? 
It's all okay by me, Rick is my favorite weirdo so I get what he is saying.

Then Susan and I chatted about this horrible woman we worked with.
I really really disliked this woman.
1. she was mean as a snake.
2. she lied all the damn time
3. she would just as soon stab you in the back than do anything else in life
4. she was lazy
5. she was a tattletale.
6. she taught me the phrase from her behavior, the bigger the lie, the higher the voice. Trust me this is so very true!! pay attention.

Susan and I had some laughs sharing Barbara's crazy stories. 
She mentioned Barbara's old lady looks and that at 49 she looked like she was easily 75. I agreed. I said it was because she was so mean! Mean makes one ugly. We laughed.

Barbara never smiled and never laughed. She did tell me one day she hated kids they were filthy little things. I just listened to her. 
What does one say to that? I wasn't going to argue that they weren't little shits but I let her go on and pontificate as she liked to do. 
I had some insight into why she lived alone and lived like she lived. Siblings in Jersey who she said she never sees because they have kids. (it's fun to be an aunt I say, but was met with a 'look') 

Now as I stated above Rick's thoughts on the travel industry I found valid.
I was in this field for many decades. They were a fun bunch. Hard work, hard play. Love of travel as well or we wouldn't be doing this.
Of course, there were those couple of folks who weren't but they didn't last as long either. 
But this woman was in a league all her own. 
Barbara was older than me but she dressed like my Grandmother.
Actually dressed more like Little House on The Prairie, than my grandmother who was a sharp dresser.
Barbara worked in travel but never left her little apartment in Rockville Ctr in Long Island and her flights were free. Never went on vacation.
Barbara worked. She had no friends. She did not go to the movies. 
She was a very odd duck. She said movies were expensive and the movies would be shown on TV eventually. No, she barely had cable TV either. 
I was 41/42 when I met her. She was 49. To look at her and to listen to her speak you'd think she was about 80. Even her references were older. 
She was an odd duck.

I tried everything over the first year to try to befriend her. 
But I gave up. I ended up feeling like she was just a bit of a shit so I had to be careful around her. I didn't have to like her but I worked with her so I did talk to her as little as I had to. The least amount of contact with this woman would make me very happy. 

Barbara said to me on my first day at the company when we were introduced, "I hear you make more money than me so don't think I'm helping you at all just because you are new."
WTF? I was so taken aback at this first thing out of her mouth. I was shaking her hand and I said, "well nice to meet you too" and smiled.
Okay, make mental note, this lady is a bitch and she's going to be fun to work with. How does she know how much money I make?

She was in a different position than me. 
I was in Customer Relationship Sales. 
She was an Account manager.
Allow me to explain.

I got let's say a 5 yr contract signed with a company. I was their contact for everything after this. I had to help them grow their business, and those numbers were reflected in my job and pay. It also was in their contract about what they had to achieve and what I could do to facilitate that. If I didn't help them grow it didn't help our business either.
I had to help them with software and hardware issues. I helped all departments for the company, outside sales, accounting, etc.

When it got very technical I called in an Account Manager. 
Sales/ME, were not the techies. I knew enough to get 'em going but the nuts and bolts were not my field. They were the techies for specific formats and outcomes. They were the ones to contact for 3rd party software. I could sell the 3rd party software, tell them why I thought they needed it and how it would help them etc. Then the Account manager, Barbara, helped implement it, trained their employees etc. So I had to work closely with both Barbara and the client. 

Barbara was assigned to a good portion of my accounts as the account manager so I had to deal with her all the damn time. She was the worst part of my job. But making fun of her in my little head kept me sane. Mean, but it kept me sane. It's the only way I could survive a full 8 hrs with her.

Barbara lived in a walk-up type apartment in Rockville Ctr on Long Island. She would talk about her apartment like it was a hell hole. 
The woman made a solid six-figure income so why she lived like this is anyone's guess. She never married, and I got the impression from things she said that she never dated. She wasn't ugly but she was by no means an attractive woman. A bit horsey. But she had the potential if she would just smile and erase the mean.

Her car was old she told me but she only put less than 2K miles a year because she didn't drive much. So it was cost-effective for her she'd say.
I teased her and said she was like the original "little old lady who only drives to church on Sunday" 
She laughed and said it's almost exactly like that. 

She dressed poorly for her job and I hated when clients said things to me about her dress. I couldn't respond to that! 
She wore sensible shoes in two colors black or navy. 
They were the exact same shoe just in different colors. 
She wore the same clothes all the time. I had a client ask me about her and it was so uncomfortable. He said, "I always see Barbara in the same clothes don't they paid her?"  
What was I to say? I said, "well you know we work from home and I'm sure she just forgot she wore this last time she was here."  
He just laughed. Thank goodness he didn't go down this road any further I didn't want to agree even if I did. I didn't think that was professional. So I was a happy camper when he dropped it. 

When Barbara and I went to lunch in between seeing clients she would only eat at places that were dirt cheap or not eat at all. 
Once I offered to pay since I was out of town and I could write it off. 
I wanted to sit and have a salad. Real food. 
Then and only then she would eat or say she was hungry if she wasn't paying.
That was the only time I ever saw her eat something like a meal.  
My friend Stephen used to say that she still had her First Holy Communion Money. I just loved that saying because that was Barbara to a Tee.

She told me her office at home (we all worked from home) was her kitchen table and she kept her files under her sink in a box. I asked why she didn't buy a desk since the company gave us money to set up a complete office. 
They sent us the printers and other things but we got monies to buy desks, file cabinets, phones, lamps, bookcases, etc. I imagine she took the money and put it in her shoe box under the bed with her other rolls of hundreds. 

Silly me bought a desk, a cabinet, a book case, a phone and a desk lamp. Everything else the office sent me. Paper and such when purchased was on our expense reports. We needed or wanted for nothing so why was she putting her files in a box under her sink? Hope she didn't get a leak!
The real thing that got me was her sink was not set in a cabinet but a sink with the 'drapery' around the sink to hide all things under it. 
Think Lassie's mom's sink from the 50s. 
Again, why do you live like this when you are single and could have a nice apartment or condo and/or a desk to work?  She would tell stories of how hot or cold she was because the bldg was controlled by someone else. 
She got window air conditioners but until the super brought them to her apartment she had to sweat. I just didn't get it. Where she lived was no more expensive than where I lived so that couldn't be used as an excuse.
Some call this frugal, I call it cheap!

I asked her one time if she had any pets? She said, "Oh no they are filthy animals. I don't want a cat or dog in my home they are disgusting." 
I mentioned that it would be companionship. 
She tells me that they are also so expensive, vet bills, food, and medicine. 
I don't need that! she'd proclaim. 
Okay probably better for the animal that you don't own one!

Then one week Barbara and I had to go visit Sony Office in New Jersey. She said she'd drive. I said, Oh no, I can rent a car and swing by and pick you up or meet you there. But she insisted she drive. I figured it was a control thing knowing her so I let it go. I met her at the train station and off we went. OMG. 
She drove so slowly on the highway it was brutal. 
I am laughing while I type this because it was so painful for me at the time.

People were honking like crazy and giving us the finger and yelling out their windows at us. I was dying. She is driving under the speed limit and in the middle lane!  Do I say something? she's so damn mean, I did not. It could come back to bite me in another way knowing her.

Then she says so innocently, "see why I didn't want you to drive? This is what New Yorkers are like Peg, it's brutal here."  
No, Barbara, this is what it's like EVERYWHERE when someone is only driving 45mph on the highway in New Jersey! I watched the speedometer and she never went over 45 mph on a major highway. I wish I had rented a car and drove myself! All I kept thinking was, dear lord help me, I have to drive back with her!!

Barbara dyed her hair from a box. If you use box hair dye, you know it gets funky after a while. You are building up color so it looks flat and the color is off. I can spot a home dye job a mile away. And yes, I've used them when money is tight. Barbara's hair color changed to various shades of brown and sometimes with some orange. She was a hot mess. 
Fast forward to a conference and I am sitting in front of her. 
Apparently, that made her notice my hair color for the first time. 
When there was a break she wanted to know what color/box I used because my brown was a great shade and shiny not flat. 
I told her that I pay to have it done. 
She said, "well when I got to VA to see our client maybe I should book something. How much do they charge?"  
I told her what I pay and she said, "OMG I will stick to my $6/8 box."  
I assumed she would if it cost more than $20. She was tight as tight could be and over the years I found such humor in it! 

I had a client in Huntington Long Island. They were new to me, and coming from the competition. I had not been to their office yet, only talking on the phone for a month. The owner just had babies and had taken some time off.
I spoke to the owner and asked him and his team to lunch. I told him to pick the place. She was going to be their new account manager and I wanted her to meet them as well. I told her I was taking them to lunch to get a feel of their business and asked her to come along. I told her I was paying so she didn't fret or only have water. I told Barabara that this was not so much business as getting to know them. Sounds easy enough right? 
I just want to have a let's get to know one another since we will be working together for at least the next 7 years. She said Okay and that was that.
They produced a lot of segments/money for us so this was an important meet and greet.

We all have a nice lunch. I asked the owner about his new twins. 
Everyone chatted about personal things as well as business. All mixed in. 
I got a good feeling about them, their company goals, how they work, what didn't work for them with the last company etc. 
They were far more laid back than my NYC clients. Their corporate business was strong but so was their retail so I asked questions and then sometimes it got back to his babies, or someone's vacation. The conversation was just like a table full of people at lunch would talk. 
It's a bit of everything. 
Several times it was mentioned that it was important to them to have family time. Note made. 
A lot of info comes to you if you listen. It's an easy comfortable way to get to know them and learn what they like, need, etc. I liked these clients and I was happy to get to work with them. Good people all around.

I thought the meeting went well. I had great notes. I made an appointment to set up some time for them to see the new software and to bring Barbara in to help with some training for their people. We all left happy - or so I thought. 

I made other appointments that day and then get back to my hotel. 
I get a call from my boss. She told me that Barbara had called her to complain. Oh dear lord. I sighed loudly and my boss E. laughed. 
She then said, "What the hell is with her? She has a stick up her ass!"  
"Dear me what did she say to you E? "
She went on, "Barbara tells me you didn't just talk about business, that you asked about his new babies. She said you talked about your inability to drive the LIE and actually drive or move. ( who does?) She told me you talked about business but you talked about their personal lives just as much. "
"Yes, all true"

Now I am waiting to see if E flips out on me. This is what she does when we've had meal meetings with clients so I would think she wouldn't be upset in any way shape or form. But am I going to get yelled at here?
Then E said while chuckling "My God I told Barbara that is what I want all my people to do and I listed the reasons why"  
"So we're all good E?", I asked. 
 'Yes, we are very good."  And she laughed. 
"I bet her head was about to explode E!"
I know Barbara will be bummed that you weren't going to "yell" at me.
E laughed and said that was the impression I got but I also wanted you to know that I let Bruce (her boss) know this as well.

Barbara spent all her time trying to sabotage me or anyone she didn't care for or felt was threatening her somehow. I could not fathom why she did this to me from day 1. Before I even spoke a word to her. I didn't want her job. 
I was no threat. I just didn't understand this conniving old woman.
But being the bitch I am when I got a thank you card mailed to our NYC office thanking me for a wonderful lunch and how they look forward to working with me I had to show Barbara. 

Now granted Barbara did not know that my boss told me she tried to tattletale. I just acted like it never happened when around her. 
But when I got this lovely letter from the client I had to show Barbara. 
They actually said in the note, "We have never had a rep who cared enough about us to help us by asking us what we wanted and needed. We look forward to having a great working relationship over the years"  

She looked at the card, read it, looked at the front of the envelope I guess to see if it was real or if I wrote it. It was real, see the stamp, Barbara? see the address to this office? HAH!
She handed it back to me and said nothing. 
Being a bitch I asked, "Isn't that nice of them Barbara? This should be a fun client" 
I walked away with my card in hand but inside this bitch was laughing!

Her counterpart in VA was named Joe. I LOVED Joe, still see Joe. 
I had a couple accounts in VA because I lived there but most were handled by someone else. Joe and I were together in Richmond and I told him the story of her driving. He kept laughing at all the people honking and giving her the finger and she thought they were rude and she was in the right. 
He was telling me in 2 weeks he was going somewhere for a client meeting and she told him she'd pick him up. Oh no!  I said good luck.  I knew that while Joe was laughing he really thought I was exaggerating. Oh, he will see.

He called me at home the minute he got back to his hotel.
He was laughing and I knew this was going to be good. 
He said, "She really does drive as slowly as you said! Unbelievable!
"She went between 40-45 on the expressway.
People were honking, yelling out their window, and giving her the finger."

"She was in the middle lane, wasn't she? Not even the slow right lane." 
He says, "YES!"
Then he says to me that all he could hear was me in his head telling him this and he had to just look out his side of the window and try like hell not to laugh. She tells him, "See Joe how bad it is to drive in New York?"  
We both learned to not allow her to drive if it could be avoided. 

The other thing that always made me laugh about this mean woman was her 'stache.
She had a mustache as all women do. But instead of waxing or leaving the peach fuzz, she shaved it. I would start the day with her at 8:30a and by 5pm she had a dark shadow. Why oh why did she do this? By 5p or later I could never take my eyes off her dark shadow. 
 
One day as we walked to our next client (in manhattan) she asked what my plans were for the weekend. I said, spa things for me! I haven't been home in a while and I need a Mani, pedi and wax my eyebrows etc. 
She asked if I ever waxed above my lip. I said I do all the time.
She said, but isn't that expensive? It's $6. 
Yea, I just shave it she shares with me.
I am holding in laughter.
I say, $6 month isn't a lot and it's quick and no 5'oclock shadow.
She said, "oh I'm not spending $6 a month and I don't think I have a 5 o'clock shadow.
I actually played a game in my head, tell her she does indeed look like Rick by 5pm? don't tell her because if you tell she'll just be meaner to you!
I let her comment sit there. I'm not saying a word she makes my life hell as it is I don't need her getting angry at me too. I know the time by her upper lip as do all of us, we will let her think she doesn't have a 5 o'clock shadow.
Once during a recurrent training class we were all in I asked Joe what time it was (no smart phones then) and he said, I don't know let me find Barbara her lip will let us know. I laughed as I typed this but it wasn't nice of us but she made it hard to be nice to her.

Oh, the woman did things to me and backstabbed me, or tried. 
I was lucky and most of the shit she tried backfired on her. 
I felt it was karma.
I was also thankful that everyone, I mean to tell you, everyone, disliked her so no one gave her bullshit much weight. One day she tried to tell me about a co-worker and what he had said and done and I knew this was all lies. 
I said to her, "funny I just spoke to Mark after he walked out of the meeting. He told me the contract was signed, they agreed on terms, the signing bonus was accepted and he introduced you to the new client as their account manager. That didn't happen, Barbara?"  
Oh my goodness the stammering and stuttering. 
Well yes, but...
Well yes, but...
"So all is good then Barb, Mark is happy, the client is happy, and our company is thrilled with the financial structure, right?" 
She mumbled something.
Busted Barbara, just shut up and walk away. I just smiled at her all the time and I know it annoyed her. That's why I did it. Just smiling bothered her so it was easy. 

I think she had to know I was always on to her bullshit even if I never said a word to her about anything.  I loved watching her hang herself. Karma baby.

I'm a wench like that.