I have a friend named Susan in Chicago.
Susan is a gorgeous Chicago Cubs fan. She is as beautiful as she is kind.
I was communicating with her over the weekend while the Chicago Cubs and NY Yankees played ball. We text during the game and chat baseball and gossip. :-) She asked me if I ever saw this horrible woman we all disliked named Barbara. I said, "Oh lordy no! I did nothing wrong and don't deserve that kind of punishment Susan!" She laughed.
Anyway, my friend Sue and her hubby are coming our way in the fall and we are planning to get together. They are going to Asheville and while that is a few hours away Rick has been dying to go.
Why? Because there is a man there who sells large slabs of walnut and oak. He loves working with walnut and walnut appears to sell well.
He needs some big slabs for making tables so when I mentioned going to Ashville to meet my friends from my old job he was happy to go. He is now saving money for this trip. (to buy walnut)
This man and his wood! Dear Lord that sounded dirty, LOL. Take that however you wish because he's a man and it works both ways...tee hee
Rick knows of Sue but has never met her. But as Rick has always said, "she worked in the travel industry she's going to be fun!"
That was what he thought of all the weirdos in the travel industry that he met. He kept saying they are all fun, and crazy and I see why you fit in. Mmmm....insult? compliment? Neither?
It's all okay by me, Rick is my favorite weirdo so I get what he is saying.
Then Susan and I chatted about this horrible woman we worked with.
I really really disliked this woman.
1. she was mean as a snake.
2. she lied all the damn time
3. she would just as soon stab you in the back than do anything else in life
4. she was lazy
5. she was a tattletale.
6. she taught me the phrase from her behavior, the bigger the lie, the higher the voice. Trust me this is so very true!! pay attention.
Susan and I had some laughs sharing Barbara's crazy stories.
She mentioned Barbara's old lady looks and that at 49 she looked like she was easily 75. I agreed. I said it was because she was so mean! Mean makes one ugly. We laughed.
Barbara never smiled and never laughed. She did tell me one day she hated kids they were filthy little things. I just listened to her.
What does one say to that? I wasn't going to argue that they weren't little shits but I let her go on and pontificate as she liked to do.
I had some insight into why she lived alone and lived like she lived. Siblings in Jersey who she said she never sees because they have kids. (it's fun to be an aunt I say, but was met with a 'look')
Now as I stated above Rick's thoughts on the travel industry I found valid.
I was in this field for many decades. They were a fun bunch. Hard work, hard play. Love of travel as well or we wouldn't be doing this.
Of course, there were those couple of folks who weren't but they didn't last as long either.
But this woman was in a league all her own.
Barbara was older than me but she dressed like my Grandmother.
Actually dressed more like Little House on The Prairie, than my grandmother who was a sharp dresser.
Barbara worked in travel but never left her little apartment in Rockville Ctr in Long Island and her flights were free. Never went on vacation.
Barbara worked. She had no friends. She did not go to the movies.
She was a very odd duck. She said movies were expensive and the movies would be shown on TV eventually. No, she barely had cable TV either.
I was 41/42 when I met her. She was 49. To look at her and to listen to her speak you'd think she was about 80. Even her references were older.
She was an odd duck.
I tried everything over the first year to try to befriend her.
But I gave up. I ended up feeling like she was just a bit of a shit so I had to be careful around her. I didn't have to like her but I worked with her so I did talk to her as little as I had to. The least amount of contact with this woman would make me very happy.
Barbara said to me on my first day at the company when we were introduced, "I hear you make more money than me so don't think I'm helping you at all just because you are new."
WTF? I was so taken aback at this first thing out of her mouth. I was shaking her hand and I said, "well nice to meet you too" and smiled.
Okay, make mental note, this lady is a bitch and she's going to be fun to work with. How does she know how much money I make?
She was in a different position than me.
I was in Customer Relationship Sales.
She was an Account manager.
Allow me to explain.
I got let's say a 5 yr contract signed with a company. I was their contact for everything after this. I had to help them grow their business, and those numbers were reflected in my job and pay. It also was in their contract about what they had to achieve and what I could do to facilitate that. If I didn't help them grow it didn't help our business either.
I had to help them with software and hardware issues. I helped all departments for the company, outside sales, accounting, etc.
When it got very technical I called in an Account Manager.
Sales/ME, were not the techies. I knew enough to get 'em going but the nuts and bolts were not my field. They were the techies for specific formats and outcomes. They were the ones to contact for 3rd party software. I could sell the 3rd party software, tell them why I thought they needed it and how it would help them etc. Then the Account manager, Barbara, helped implement it, trained their employees etc. So I had to work closely with both Barbara and the client.
Barbara was assigned to a good portion of my accounts as the account manager so I had to deal with her all the damn time. She was the worst part of my job. But making fun of her in my little head kept me sane. Mean, but it kept me sane. It's the only way I could survive a full 8 hrs with her.
Barbara lived in a walk-up type apartment in Rockville Ctr on Long Island. She would talk about her apartment like it was a hell hole.
The woman made a solid six-figure income so why she lived like this is anyone's guess. She never married, and I got the impression from things she said that she never dated. She wasn't ugly but she was by no means an attractive woman. A bit horsey. But she had the potential if she would just smile and erase the mean.
Her car was old she told me but she only put less than 2K miles a year because she didn't drive much. So it was cost-effective for her she'd say.
I teased her and said she was like the original "little old lady who only drives to church on Sunday"
She laughed and said it's almost exactly like that.
She dressed poorly for her job and I hated when clients said things to me about her dress. I couldn't respond to that!
She wore sensible shoes in two colors black or navy.
They were the exact same shoe just in different colors.
She wore the same clothes all the time. I had a client ask me about her and it was so uncomfortable. He said, "I always see Barbara in the same clothes don't they paid her?"
What was I to say? I said, "well you know we work from home and I'm sure she just forgot she wore this last time she was here."
He just laughed. Thank goodness he didn't go down this road any further I didn't want to agree even if I did. I didn't think that was professional. So I was a happy camper when he dropped it.
When Barbara and I went to lunch in between seeing clients she would only eat at places that were dirt cheap or not eat at all.
Once I offered to pay since I was out of town and I could write it off.
I wanted to sit and have a salad. Real food.
Then and only then she would eat or say she was hungry if she wasn't paying.
That was the only time I ever saw her eat something like a meal.
My friend Stephen used to say that she still had her First Holy Communion Money. I just loved that saying because that was Barbara to a Tee.
She told me her office at home (we all worked from home) was her kitchen table and she kept her files under her sink in a box. I asked why she didn't buy a desk since the company gave us money to set up a complete office.
They sent us the printers and other things but we got monies to buy desks, file cabinets, phones, lamps, bookcases, etc. I imagine she took the money and put it in her shoe box under the bed with her other rolls of hundreds.
Silly me bought a desk, a cabinet, a book case, a phone and a desk lamp. Everything else the office sent me. Paper and such when purchased was on our expense reports. We needed or wanted for nothing so why was she putting her files in a box under her sink? Hope she didn't get a leak!
The real thing that got me was her sink was not set in a cabinet but a sink with the 'drapery' around the sink to hide all things under it.
Think Lassie's mom's sink from the 50s.
Again, why do you live like this when you are single and could have a nice apartment or condo and/or a desk to work? She would tell stories of how hot or cold she was because the bldg was controlled by someone else.
She got window air conditioners but until the super brought them to her apartment she had to sweat. I just didn't get it. Where she lived was no more expensive than where I lived so that couldn't be used as an excuse.
Some call this frugal, I call it cheap!
I asked her one time if she had any pets? She said, "Oh no they are filthy animals. I don't want a cat or dog in my home they are disgusting."
I mentioned that it would be companionship.
She tells me that they are also so expensive, vet bills, food, and medicine.
I don't need that! she'd proclaim.
Okay probably better for the animal that you don't own one!
Then one week Barbara and I had to go visit Sony Office in New Jersey. She said she'd drive. I said, Oh no, I can rent a car and swing by and pick you up or meet you there. But she insisted she drive. I figured it was a control thing knowing her so I let it go. I met her at the train station and off we went. OMG.
She drove so slowly on the highway it was brutal.
I am laughing while I type this because it was so painful for me at the time.
People were honking like crazy and giving us the finger and yelling out their windows at us. I was dying. She is driving under the speed limit and in the middle lane! Do I say something? she's so damn mean, I did not. It could come back to bite me in another way knowing her.
Then she says so innocently, "see why I didn't want you to drive? This is what New Yorkers are like Peg, it's brutal here."
No, Barbara, this is what it's like EVERYWHERE when someone is only driving 45mph on the highway in New Jersey! I watched the speedometer and she never went over 45 mph on a major highway. I wish I had rented a car and drove myself! All I kept thinking was, dear lord help me, I have to drive back with her!!
Barbara dyed her hair from a box. If you use box hair dye, you know it gets funky after a while. You are building up color so it looks flat and the color is off. I can spot a home dye job a mile away. And yes, I've used them when money is tight. Barbara's hair color changed to various shades of brown and sometimes with some orange. She was a hot mess.
Fast forward to a conference and I am sitting in front of her.
Apparently, that made her notice my hair color for the first time.
When there was a break she wanted to know what color/box I used because my brown was a great shade and shiny not flat.
I told her that I pay to have it done.
She said, "well when I got to VA to see our client maybe I should book something. How much do they charge?"
I told her what I pay and she said, "OMG I will stick to my $6/8 box."
I assumed she would if it cost more than $20. She was tight as tight could be and over the years I found such humor in it!
I had a client in Huntington Long Island. They were new to me, and coming from the competition. I had not been to their office yet, only talking on the phone for a month. The owner just had babies and had taken some time off.
I spoke to the owner and asked him and his team to lunch. I told him to pick the place. She was going to be their new account manager and I wanted her to meet them as well. I told her I was taking them to lunch to get a feel of their business and asked her to come along. I told her I was paying so she didn't fret or only have water. I told Barabara that this was not so much business as getting to know them. Sounds easy enough right?
I just want to have a let's get to know one another since we will be working together for at least the next 7 years. She said Okay and that was that.
They produced a lot of segments/money for us so this was an important meet and greet.
We all have a nice lunch. I asked the owner about his new twins.
Everyone chatted about personal things as well as business. All mixed in.
I got a good feeling about them, their company goals, how they work, what didn't work for them with the last company etc.
They were far more laid back than my NYC clients. Their corporate business was strong but so was their retail so I asked questions and then sometimes it got back to his babies, or someone's vacation. The conversation was just like a table full of people at lunch would talk.
It's a bit of everything.
Several times it was mentioned that it was important to them to have family time. Note made.
A lot of info comes to you if you listen. It's an easy comfortable way to get to know them and learn what they like, need, etc. I liked these clients and I was happy to get to work with them. Good people all around.
I thought the meeting went well. I had great notes. I made an appointment to set up some time for them to see the new software and to bring Barbara in to help with some training for their people. We all left happy - or so I thought.
I made other appointments that day and then get back to my hotel.
I get a call from my boss. She told me that Barbara had called her to complain. Oh dear lord. I sighed loudly and my boss E. laughed.
She then said, "What the hell is with her? She has a stick up her ass!"
"Dear me what did she say to you E? "
She went on, "Barbara tells me you didn't just talk about business, that you asked about his new babies. She said you talked about your inability to drive the LIE and actually drive or move. ( who does?) She told me you talked about business but you talked about their personal lives just as much. "
"Yes, all true"
Now I am waiting to see if E flips out on me. This is what she does when we've had meal meetings with clients so I would think she wouldn't be upset in any way shape or form. But am I going to get yelled at here?
Then E said while chuckling "My God I told Barbara that is what I want all my people to do and I listed the reasons why"
"So we're all good E?", I asked.
'Yes, we are very good." And she laughed.
"I bet her head was about to explode E!"
I know Barbara will be bummed that you weren't going to "yell" at me.
E laughed and said that was the impression I got but I also wanted you to know that I let Bruce (her boss) know this as well.
Barbara spent all her time trying to sabotage me or anyone she didn't care for or felt was threatening her somehow. I could not fathom why she did this to me from day 1. Before I even spoke a word to her. I didn't want her job.
I was no threat. I just didn't understand this conniving old woman.
But being the bitch I am when I got a thank you card mailed to our NYC office thanking me for a wonderful lunch and how they look forward to working with me I had to show Barbara.
Now granted Barbara did not know that my boss told me she tried to tattletale. I just acted like it never happened when around her.
But when I got this lovely letter from the client I had to show Barbara.
They actually said in the note, "We have never had a rep who cared enough about us to help us by asking us what we wanted and needed. We look forward to having a great working relationship over the years"
She looked at the card, read it, looked at the front of the envelope I guess to see if it was real or if I wrote it. It was real, see the stamp, Barbara? see the address to this office? HAH!
She handed it back to me and said nothing.
Being a bitch I asked, "Isn't that nice of them Barbara? This should be a fun client"
I walked away with my card in hand but inside this bitch was laughing!
Her counterpart in VA was named Joe. I LOVED Joe, still see Joe.
I had a couple accounts in VA because I lived there but most were handled by someone else. Joe and I were together in Richmond and I told him the story of her driving. He kept laughing at all the people honking and giving her the finger and she thought they were rude and she was in the right.
He was telling me in 2 weeks he was going somewhere for a client meeting and she told him she'd pick him up. Oh no! I said good luck. I knew that while Joe was laughing he really thought I was exaggerating. Oh, he will see.
He called me at home the minute he got back to his hotel.
He was laughing and I knew this was going to be good.
He said, "She really does drive as slowly as you said! Unbelievable!
"She went between 40-45 on the expressway.
People were honking, yelling out their window, and giving her the finger."
"She was in the middle lane, wasn't she? Not even the slow right lane."
He says, "YES!"
Then he says to me that all he could hear was me in his head telling him this and he had to just look out his side of the window and try like hell not to laugh. She tells him, "See Joe how bad it is to drive in New York?"
We both learned to not allow her to drive if it could be avoided.
The other thing that always made me laugh about this mean woman was her 'stache.
She had a mustache as all women do. But instead of waxing or leaving the peach fuzz, she shaved it. I would start the day with her at 8:30a and by 5pm she had a dark shadow. Why oh why did she do this? By 5p or later I could never take my eyes off her dark shadow.
One day as we walked to our next client (in manhattan) she asked what my plans were for the weekend. I said, spa things for me! I haven't been home in a while and I need a Mani, pedi and wax my eyebrows etc.
She asked if I ever waxed above my lip. I said I do all the time.
She said, but isn't that expensive? It's $6.
Yea, I just shave it she shares with me.
I am holding in laughter.
I say, $6 month isn't a lot and it's quick and no 5'oclock shadow.
She said, "oh I'm not spending $6 a month and I don't think I have a 5 o'clock shadow.
I actually played a game in my head, tell her she does indeed look like Rick by 5pm? don't tell her because if you tell she'll just be meaner to you!
I let her comment sit there. I'm not saying a word she makes my life hell as it is I don't need her getting angry at me too. I know the time by her upper lip as do all of us, we will let her think she doesn't have a 5 o'clock shadow.
Once during a recurrent training class we were all in I asked Joe what time it was (no smart phones then) and he said, I don't know let me find Barbara her lip will let us know. I laughed as I typed this but it wasn't nice of us but she made it hard to be nice to her.
Oh, the woman did things to me and backstabbed me, or tried.
I was lucky and most of the shit she tried backfired on her.
I felt it was karma.
I was also thankful that everyone, I mean to tell you, everyone, disliked her so no one gave her bullshit much weight. One day she tried to tell me about a co-worker and what he had said and done and I knew this was all lies.
I said to her, "funny I just spoke to Mark after he walked out of the meeting. He told me the contract was signed, they agreed on terms, the signing bonus was accepted and he introduced you to the new client as their account manager. That didn't happen, Barbara?"
Oh my goodness the stammering and stuttering.
Well yes, but...
Well yes, but...
"So all is good then Barb, Mark is happy, the client is happy, and our company is thrilled with the financial structure, right?"
She mumbled something.
Busted Barbara, just shut up and walk away. I just smiled at her all the time and I know it annoyed her. That's why I did it. Just smiling bothered her so it was easy.
I think she had to know I was always on to her bullshit even if I never said a word to her about anything. I loved watching her hang herself. Karma baby.
I'm a wench like that.
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