Is it Gluten Free?

Someone sent me this.
Should I be offended? 

I'm the kind of broad who found it funny and that this woman knew her audience.  

I found this meme interesting. It's true I have never heard of someone smoking pot and having a fight or abuse. Too busy laughing or being lazy.
Unless someone took their Doritos I suppose a fight could start over that, but even still they would lay there and think about it and decide it is too much effort and blow it off.  

I posted this one before haven't I?

 fun? I haven't found this fun yet.

 ....tee hee

Now I believe some of these I have posted before. I really need to put the ones I've put on the blog in a folder or delete. My memory is not getting any younger.

Back in Spring

Great to be home.

While in my hometown I experienced 4 seasons in 1 day. 
Incredible. I forgot how that could happen.
I text everyone when I got home with, I'm home, it's spring again and gas is only $2.59. (we have 70's and 80's and they have what is our winter weather, they also have gas at $3.16)

Checking the weather report before going and asking my sister, everyone said it was 50's and 60's. I didn't need a parka for that. I brought a jean jacket for fun and a very lightweight trench coat for dress. 
Well, everyone was wrong I needed a heavy winter coat.

One day it was Sunny and 61 in the early morning and by afternoon gray damp and in the low 40's. 
One morning snowflakes. It's spring!! But my hometown forgot apparently
I had to laugh because I sincerely forgot how this could happen all in one day.They are far hardier than me. I have become a wuss.

The viewing, funeral, and festivities we shall call them, all went off without a hitch. The day of the viewing I did see so many people that I, of course, had not seen in years. Friends from my past showed up and floored me. I had not seen this one girlfriend in 25 yrs. It was so nice of her to come. 

Being that my family is a blended family I also saw some cousins I don't get to see as often after my birth mom died. They came and it was great to see them.

The problem with me going home is I am pulled in every direction. 
My immediate family, for the most part, don't always understand this. 
Then I have guilt. (that is my issue I realize, not theirs)
My cousins from my mom's side of the family who I don't get to see as often asked to see me on Saturday or Sunday They said even if it is "for just an hour. Can you spare an hour?"  Friends who I love and adore asked me to see them on Saturday or Sunday, but again where I am finding this time.  I had a friend who painted a picture of Izzy and she asked to bring it to me if I didn't wish to stop by her house. Lastly, good friends asked to have dinner with me. Not enough hours in a day for me.

My stepmoms home is 3 cats. 
I have been afraid of cats since I was a child.
So going to her house is so damn uncomfortable for me. She has to lock them up for me. I am a major inconvenience for her and I feel badly. 
I am never ever 100% comfortable there. I am always looking around or sitting by an escape route in the kitchen.  Again, this is MY issue, not hers. She has made a few comments about me and "the damn cats" so I know it bothers her and I don't blame her one bit!  So I tried to stay away from the house the best I could. Sitting in the family room I am either facing the stairs to see if they come down or am sitting by the door so I have an escape. I am certain they don't even notice. Besides, I have a sister that won't speak to me and when she does she is mean. So being there is not so much fun. 

My dear friend Katie knows that I grieve internally and it comes out like stress, you know all the fun stuff, diarrhea, stomach pains etc. She was keeping tabs on me and suggested an early morning coffee on Saturday after everything was over.

We met at 7:30a at a Starbucks and I hopped into her truck. We had coffee and drove around the peninsula. I even braved the high winds and cold and took a couple of pictures of the angry lake. She knows how much this place means to me. (My ashes will be sprinkled here.)
It was so windy it was hard to open the truck door. The wind was pushing it back against me. And it was cold. It was in the 30's people!!

All I had was my turtle neck I threw in my suitcase at the last minute and my jean jacket. Yes, I was going to freeze. 
It's official I am a southern belle after 22 years.
Then she took me to breakfast. It was a place with a cool vibe and a damn good breakfast. FOOD. I was thrilled to eat something that wasn't a salad. I inhaled it. I did not travel with my own food so I had been eating salads for days or nothing at all. 

On the way back after breakfast, my friend took me to a few "Erie" stores. 
One was an apparel shop where I bought some Erie T-shirts.
Then to a couple of artisan shops. One had the most delicious smelling candles, face scrubs, lotions and pretty much everything I wanted. I could have purchased everything in there. The woman who makes this stuff owns the stores. So when I asked her questions, she really knew because this was all hers. No chemicals so this was a win!

Lastly, Katie took me to a place to buy crack. Yes, crack popcorn. 
It is some damn good popcorn. Another local mom and pop business who I hope really succeed.  I so wanted to try the red chocolate cake popcorn but I knew that was screaming gluten. I got a 4 pack, like a sampler. 
I also got a good size bag for Rick. It was peanut butter and chocolate coated. Like a Reese's Cup only popcorn. That is not my favorite but I sure knew the hubby would love it. This was their most popular flavor.

I gave it to Rick last night and after he opened it and took a handful he said, "Oh no, this is crack!" 
They talked at the popcorn store about the life span of the product. 
When she said this would last so many weeks I laughed and said, no it won't. 
Rick ate half of it last night and stopped only because he knew he should. 
He took the rest this morning to put in his truck to eat while driving. 
Weeks, HA! It will only last days here.

I got back from all of that fun stuff before noon!
Then the friend that painted this huge painting of Izzy called my cell as I was leaving the parking lot after being with Katie. She was going to bring the painting to my hotel. As I was arriving she was arriving. We put that in my car and headed to the hotel bar. We had a drink and shared a salad for lunch. I was really not hungry. I let her eat all of it. 
I mean I felt like I just had breakfast. 
But it made her feel better to think she only ate 1/2. I understood her girl math. She technically ate all of it except for a few pieces of Feta cheese and an olive which I took off the plate. 

Then she left and I went to my room to get cleaned up. I was going to shower and "get pretty". I got out of the shower to see a text that asked if we can have dinner together? Oh, I would love it. (Katie's sister and her husband) 
But I still had to meet my cousin that asked for at least an hour. 
I was running non-stop. I managed to do it all. Whew.

I got up so early on Sunday that I thought I couldn't possibly call my mom yet. But I just wanted to leave. I left at 7:30a and I thought I'd call when I stopped for gas but she beat me. So now she's barking at me. Oh boy. 

I am home and life is slower and I am thankful. After a few days of going non stop it was nice to chill out. Also, it is nice not to be wearing dress clothes, heels and make up every day. Back to being a frump at my desk. 

But best of all was seeing Rick and Izzy. 
Rick and Izzy were outside when I pulled up. They both helped me into the house with all my packages and luggage.
I came home to a meatloaf and roasted vegetables that Rick was making on the grill. Oh my goodness was it ever good! He coated it with this spicy peach chutney (hot) that he made and it made a crunchy spicy coating that was awesome. 
It was nice to be home, real food, and my Rick and Izzy. Nothing better!

This is the bay outside my hotel window. The bldg on the left is the bayfront convention center. This was my only day of warmth and sun.

 This below is the 1st night from my hotel at different times

After the one day of sun I didn't see it again until I got home. Below is a photo I took at the beach. There are break walls there and the water is going over them and you can't even see them. 

 I was looking out my hotel window when I saw the tow boat. 

Sadly I am all too familiar with TowboatUSA below. Poor someone.

 This one below is the other side of the hotel window and that is State Street. The main street that separates the east and west sides of the city. It stops at the water, obviously. As a kid it was cool to cruise the dock you see here. We literally just went round and round this street and circled. Boys would sit on their cars and girls would giggle and meet boys. All so 60's and 70's innocent.

 More of the angry lake.

 Check out the 3 orbs. Interesting.

 Lastly, this just looks like a winter sky to me. God, it is the most beautiful area in 4 seasons. But it would have been better if I had on a winter coat. 

Thursday

Sitting at a desk in the hotel overlooking the bay.
It is a slightly overcast day and cool (cold)
It's cold to me, but in reality to those who live here on Lake Erie it would be considered cool I think.

The bay is choppy and I have been seeing all the fishermen out this morning.
I had breakfast in my room and just sat and stared at the water.
For some reason I can't normally sit for a long time. I am always moving.
But staring at the water can make me just sit here for hours.
I wish I could bring the lake home.

I had such issues sleeping last night. I was dog ass tired. You'd think that would be enough. This long drive north gets to me, it really does. This type of stuff never used to bother me. I assume it is age that makes a 6 hour drive so exhausting.  Add the fact that I was up every hour before I "got up" could also have been the reason why.

I saw my family yesterday and all the siblings. Ah, dysfunction at it's best.
Some  need to "prove" something. Some think they are helping and some are just so miserable they want to make everyone else the same.
I read Mike's comment to breathe and I heard him in my head all day.
My husband told me the same thing. So I breathe.  Today and tomorrow will be the biggest test.

I find funerals to be a big waste of money. I assume it brings a lot of people closure as well as breaks the bank. Why else would people do all this hoopla?
I am shocked of the B.S. I have heard and seen. The "rules" of the funeral parlor are. They seem to control everything like the obit. They put in the paper and the family pays them like $300 a day. C'mon if you sent it to the paper yourself it wouldn't cost that. But apparently only the funeral home can place them. Hmm..
Of course all rules benefit the funeral home, not the people paying them. One of the funniest is how they told my mom they no longer drive you in their limousines. You know you've seen or been part of those prosessions. They said the families like to drive themselves. No, what is really happening is you, the funeral parlor doesn't wish to pay for the limousines, the insurance, the liability etc. Don't say the family would rather drive themselves. But my mother bought that hook line and sinker. Then they said talking out the other side of their mouth that the family can not drive themselves in case they are too emotional. So you no longer drive the family, but they can't drive themselves, so we have to get others to drive us. And who has the right to say this all to you?  If someone wanted to drive themselves they aren't "allowed"? All so weird. 
This business seems to be a bit of a racket don't you think?

My mother keeps saying this was so sudden. WHAT? He has been seriously ill and deteriorating for a year. It wasn't sudden. I didn't point that out each time she said this but I kept thinking, what I am missing here? I think she may need to tell herself this for some type of self preservation, of which I can understand.
I can't wrap my head around that statement she has said so many times since he has passed. She wouldn't even sleep in the same bed because she couldn't stand the thought of him dying while lying next to her. So does one do that and then think it's sudden? It's a confusing thing I heard yesterday again but did not want to ask her to explain because I just felt she needed to believe that and who am I to say otherwise.  Everyone grieves differently. I know I don't grieve the way my family does. Mine is internal. I am not good with this externally. They are all external. Neither is right or wrong, they are just how one deals with it. 
When I was 13 and attending my moms funeral I recall the feelings that I had to keep inside because it was expected of me to handle this a certain way.
That is how I am feeling today.

It all has only cemented  my wish to not have any of this stuff.
Rick and I have written this all legally down for us to protect us from having to do this in the same way. The song "my way" comes to mind.

My friend Gordon's memorial is next weekend up here.
He did it my way. His ashes were sprinkled by his family on the lake.
They rented a boat and went out to an area they all loved and did their thing with music. I heard that is was beautiful and peaceful
The memorial is actually a party that he wanted. His music choices and loved ones with stories of his life. Except for the location it's held at and their catering no one else made money off his death. Because I am here this week and I was here a couple weeks ago I can't come back up here for Gordons. I am sad about that.
But the expense of it all (hotels!) and the drives I just can't do it. I called his family and his best friend to tell them. They kept telling me that Gordy would understand. And that my cards and letters made him laugh especially the dirty ones that I should not feel badly.Yes, I sent him dirty cards. But I knew those would make him laugh and the one card just said, "Oh for fucks sake"
That was all it said. Apparently he laughed so hard he began to cough and the nurse and family members ran to his room. He just handed them the card. I knew he would laugh and that is why I sent it. Not everyone would find that card funny. But he had said to me at a luncheon we had that he knows people mean well but the sad and depressing cancer cards were not something he loved seeing. I understood and made a note not to send those types of cards. So I sent funny ones and left little messages to him. Everyone handles this differently.
I can say after yesterday I can see that now more than ever.
I guess I'm more Gordy than my family.

Happy Thursday!

Tuesday

Traveling north.
(I will survive family.)

Last one I promise.

My Dad raised 3 of his grandchildren.
He put them through private Catholic school.
He helped them with college. (along with them getting loans)
He raised them from birth - all of them.

I have one sister who is bi-polar, narcissistic, a drug taker and drama queen extraordinaire. (And I am not talking pot, the hard stuff.)
She's done rehab more times than I can count. 
Her life is a sad pathetic life. I don't understand her unwillingness to change, make better choices, or to tell the truth. But that's for folks in a much higher pay grade than mine. 
I love her because she is my sister, I don't often like her one bit.
She has made my parent's life very difficult.
She was a difficult baby just as she is a difficult adult.

When her first daughter was born she was 19.
She was on drugs big time.
Her beautiful daughter was born crack addicted.
They did not expect much from her.

My father and mom brought her home.
I recall a time I was there visiting over the weekend.
I woke up and thought I heard music but it was the wee hours of the morning/night.
Sure enough, as I walk down the hall I see Daddy with my baby niece dancing in the living room to elevator music. 
She was in withdrawal and her body would shake and she'd cry terribly.
The only thing that soothed her was the rocking back and forth as Dad
"danced" around the living room with her.

As Dad saw me he said, "Oh good I have got to pee" as he handed the baby to me and ran off. He said, "just keep moving don't sit and rock, it doesn't work"
So I did as told.

Alexandrea grew up to be a beautiful woman with no side effects from her mother's terrible behavior, thank heavens.
She is smart, a masters degree.
She worked in psychology and addictions at a rehab facility.
She worked there for a few years until her husband's job moved them to Florida. Believe it or not, the only work she could find there is being a middle school teacher. But she is thriving there. She just had a baby girl 6 months ago who is chubby and cute as a button.
So phooey to the doctors who said she would probably be damaged.

As a child, she would answer when you asked her what do you want to do when you grow up? She would always say, "not be like my mom"
I believe I showed you Alex's wedding photo here on the blog after the wedding.

My sister's 3rd daughter (and finally her tubes were tied) was the last of the kids my mom was to raise. (she is now 22, soon 23) She is lighter in spirit than the other 2 in many ways.  She too is a smart cookie and has a great work ethic as they all do. (unlike their mother) She is finishing up college and stressed because she is so unclear how to move forward in life. My fathers passing has really hit her hard at the same time to add to her pile of stress.

She came to my hotel one-night last week when I was there to talk. 
I recall being 22 and so confused and thinking this whole adult thing sucks.
She shared how her friends seem to know what they want to do and have a life planned out. 
Man, how do you explain to a 22-year old that no one at 22 has their life figured out yet? 
Listening to her made me thankful I am not in my 20's anymore. I remember that stress and boy this kid has it right now. She is calling today because she needs to talk she said. So we made an appointment to talk at 3pm after her classes. Her world is changing and she isn't coping well right now. I get it, so I'll listen. That's the best part of being an Aunt. I can be motherly and then give them back. :-)

Here are the 3 of them at the wedding shower I threw for the middle one in the photo. They are such close sisters it is so nice to witness.

My sister's 2nd daughter was another beautiful spirit named Ariana.
She was so tiny and adorable and she still is. 
She and Rick are very close. 
She writes to him and calls him a lot. He tells me their conversations and it means the world to him. He sadly is closer to her than his own daughter. 
She is smart as a whip, big, big heart and a typical middle child.
She wrote this yesterday and posted it on her FB page. I asked if I could put it here because I thought it was so beautiful. My dad was her dad. No doubt about it. That is why in the eulogy I wrote that he raised 8 girls. If you don't think God has a sense of humor, giving that man 8 daughters when women befuddled him so, really is funny.

Beautiful isn't it? I love and adore these girls. I call them my sister nieces.
I have another niece and nephew just as wonderful. I'm lucky.

I am leaving Wednesday. My friend's daughter is so damn sweet. 
She works at a very nice hotel on the bayfront. 
She asked me to allow her to get me a deal. 
I normally say no, but I really needed the help.
And boy did she get me a deal and I mean a DEAL.
I am staying at a 4.5 star hotel for fleabag hotel prices. 
Free parking and club level key to get treats/breakfast/beverages. Yipee. 
And while I doubt I will have a water view, that is so okay.
I am thankful beyond words that she did this for me, it is a HUGE savings and in all honesty, I needed it right now. I owe her big time!!

I am truly lucky to have such wonderful friends and family (okay not the drug sister, she's difficult to like some days and through all of the recent events she has been trying to us all including my mother)

Okay, enough Dad stuff. I promise I'm done. 

Thursday giggle

Just Because This Made Me Laugh This Morning.

Or is this only me?

Dad

My father being the ever good Catholic passed away during holy week.
He left us late yesterday afternoon.
The fact that it is holy week did not get lost on his daughters.
My nephew first made this observation.
We of course laughed and said, boy that is perfect for George.
You see my father was a devout Catholic. His 5 daughters are not.
Or as I called it, Crazy Catholic. If the pope told him to put on his Nikes and drink the Kool-Aid he would have done so.

My father watched EWTN before dementia. ALL. THE. TIME.
When he visited me I told him we didn't get that channel.
Yes, I am going to hell for that. But honestly, Rick and I just couldn't have that channel on a loop.

Because it is holy week in the Catholic church he can't have his funeral and mass this week.
So Wednesday I am heading up north again. 
The viewing is Thursday and the funeral is Friday.
Making it impossible for Rick to attend but we are working on that!

I know to some it may sound awful but I am glad dad is no longer suffering.
Besides, I know he is with his partner in crime, his brother and best friend, Angelo. Those 2 were not often apart. They spoke almost daily and spent every weekend together. Many days after work dad would swing by Uncle Angelo's house before coming home. They had such a connection.

Here are a few photos of my Dad.

Growing up Dad was never without a cigar.

If I smell a cigar today I think of him.

I recall when my youngest sister Jen was born. I would pick her up from her cradle and her little head would smell like a fat stogie. We would whine, "Daaad."  When we told him she smelled like his cigar he would just laugh. 

I'd love to know the year here, but he's already got a stogie and I believe he is in his 20's here and not yet married.

Dad and me here. Me and my bald head. Dad was 28 when I was born so you can do the math. I don't think I'm a year here. 

But hey, he is holding me without a cigar here. 

This is how I will remember him. Chubby and with a cigar at my Uncle Ange's home. Dad was thin, heavy, thin again. But to me, he will always be this guy below. Smiling, chubby and with a cigar in his mouth. 

That is the man who raised me. This is the man who cheated when he played cards, checkers, and jacks with me. He gave me my work ethic. This is the man who made me be gregarious and speak to everyone when entering a room. (oh brother! and an eye roll is what I said for 18 yrs) This is also the man who said a woman's profession is either a nun or a married woman with children. This is a man whose ideas were so outdated and he had nothing but daughters who challenged his thinking every second of every day! This is the man who at any holiday would be so excited when all his girls were in one place, his home. 

This is Easter at my Uncle Angelo's again. Yes, if he didn't have a cigar it was a bottle of bourbon. Only my father would take a photo like this. I'm the dork in the blue headband and I just turned 9 by this point.

Another photo, another cigar. That bowling shirt would have made the TV character Charlie from Two and a Half Men very proud! 

(I'm guessing I'm all of 11 or maybe12 here since mom was alive in the photo)

 This photo of Dad and his brother Angelo is how they were all the time. 

Dad bursting in song and Ange just laughing at him. Uncle Ange is the older brother as you can tell by Dad, the baby's, behavior. He was the youngest of 9.

 This is my fathers first truck after getting his master plumbers license. He started his own business and had his own business for many years. 

Commercial and Industrial plumbing. He looks so young here, but again he is holding a cigar in his left hand.

 Dad at his 80th birthday party with my youngest sister Jennifer.

 This was dad last February (2018) on his 90th birthday.

R.I.P Dad. 1928-2019 💓💗

Another Hit

My husband and I love this guy.
We knew he was going to be playing here this spring.
So Monday I went to his website to view the tour dates because I couldn't remember. I also wanted to see when I could get the tickets. But the tour page was blank. Gee, I just saw them, how could that be?

I went to his facebook page thinking perhaps his tour dates were there.
Instead, I found the saddest news. His wife posted yesterday that the tour was canceled. He has dementia/Alzheimers. He was 66 years old a week ago.
Apparently, he has and that is why he was touring the last 2 yrs with someone.
I get it now.

Man, the hits keep coming. This one hit me. His music has so many good memories for me. All of them with Rick of course.

He wrote and sang this song which has always moved me.
The words to this song get me every damn time.

I know I am the girl who tells you how she loves AC/DC and her rock 'n roll.
Yep, this is a far cry.  But he's been a favorite for 20 years or so.



This one below was playing a few weeks ago in the kitchen while I was cooking.
Rick came into the kitchen, grabbed me and we danced in the kitchen.
This one always makes Rick grab me to slow dance. So, of course, I like this song.  Besides, the words and message are beautiful.
Give it a go.

Home Again...For Now

I'm back home.
I had the most horrific drive home.
It was a white knuckle trip all the way except for the last 45 minutes.
It didn't just rain, it was torrential rains.
As I drove on the Pennsylvania turnpike it was so foggy and raining so hard that my wipers had to be on full speed. Everyone had on their flashers so we could see one another. Except for that one fool person who didn't even have their lights on. Thankfully everyone was driving so slowly that by the time I saw there was a car in front of me I was able to stop. I wanted to yell at her to turn on her lights. I think lights should automatically come on if you are using your wipers as they do in my car. But apparently, her car did not have that feature but doesn't everyone know to turn on their lights in fog and rain?

I got to my parents on Friday afternoon.
It was a beautiful spring day there. 
They don't have a lot of those so I took notice. 
My Dad looks and sounds like it's the end. 
I don't know what is keeping him alive. He no longer eats, they give him water via a tiny sponge on a stick like a sucker. He is so small. He is so gaunt. 
My dad always had a round face so to see just the bones of his face is not pleasant. He is not awake but his eyes do open from time to time. He no longer speaks. This is what the end looks like.

My mom was given a pamphlet of the phases of death by the Hospice nurse.
This pamphlet was helpful. It broke it down by time frames.
Each phase was given a time and what you'd see happen and what to expect.
Months/Weeks/Days/Hours. Believe it or not, this was helpful.
Dad is in phase Days and Hours. That is what he has left.

My goodness, the hospice people are so lovely. They are so kind and knowledgeable. I couldn't do what they do daily I think they are angels.
They have helped my mom a great deal.  Also seeing the phases he's been through and the symptoms of said phases also helped my mom understand what was going on and it was comforting in a weird way.
The nurse that I saw on Saturday answered a lot of questions. We are hoping he lasts until my sister gets there from the west coast on Wednesday but I am doubtful. Then again I have a very stubborn father so he may just prove us wrong.

Aside from being startled by his body, I was not real fond of the light death rattle when he breathes. It isn't loud but you notice it when standing at his bedside. 
As my sister and I talked to him we said to one another after walking out of the room, is it better to die suddenly or linger like this? I voted for suddenly. 
The nurse tells us he is not in pain. My mom has pain medication for him but after his vitals were taken and they changed him he did not seem to be in any pain. They gave him a small amount 1x a day and they feel there is no reason to increase it unless he shows he is in pain as one might. The nurse went through things that would indicate pain which was interesting. Everything she told me I absorbed like a sponge and found it interesting in a weird way. But all of her information was helpful. She also did it in a way that was beautiful. That is a fine line if you think about it. Their training, patience and kindness was amazing. I think if one can call hospice they should do so. What a wonderful transition for those dying as well as those living and giving them comfort.

Friday night all sisters that live in town and me were at moms. 
I brought dinner. I did not want mom working. She is dealing with enough.
I just brought up ingredients and made everything and we all ate and laughed. 
It was nice. Saturday we helped mom get things in order. What he will wear at the funeral was chosen. We wrote the obituary and boy did that make us all laugh. I know you're probably thinking that is horrible that we laughed while trying to write this. But that is my family. We were saying crazy things. My sister asked, Can we say he used to be a bigot like Archie Bunker until I married a man who was of another race and he had bi-racial grandkids? That made us laugh and my mom, of course, shrieks No, you can't say that! All while laughing of course. Then we were writing about who preceded him in death and I said, "Rose the HO" and that made us all go into convulsions of laughter. Well, she was. 
While we were saying things I was typing on a laptop and my mom said, "don't you dare say that" Okay I won't say Ho, I'll write whore. That just brought on more giggles and more sick conversations about relatives.  Oh we were bad.

We finally got the damn obit finished but trust me it took us a long time. We were all having a good time, as odd as that sounds. The laughter was helpful and my family always tends to see the funny. Dad would have approved. He would have been happy because all his girls were here. 

After the obit, we had to decide where the family and friends would gather afterward to have food and celebrate Dad's life. 
We got a lot accomplished except for the eulogy.
I got nominated for that and I DO NOT WISH TO DO IT.
Honestly being the eldest sucks. I asked why do I have to do this?
Isn't it bad enough that I have had to do this shit my whole life? 
Why can't one of you do it? 
So my one sister says, "well then I'll write yours." 
Gee thanks, I'll be dead so I finally am off the hook!
"Yes, but we could make you write it before you die but I'm being nice."
Of course, that brought on the laughter and a ton of it at that point. 
I do not like to speak in front of people. I will revert to my 10-year-old self and stammer and stutter. I.do.not.wish.to.do this. Or write it for that matter.
I am not sure I even can. Shit.

The nurse who was there on Saturday came into the family room where my sister and niece and I were sitting waiting for her and mom. They were changing Daddy and we left them to clean him and change his depends.

We were all chatting when the nurse and mom came into the room.
She said it was so nice to see a family as big as ours all get alone. My mom said, "we have our moments"  Something was said and the nurse remarked, "This is a blended family? I would never have guessed!"
Now a blended family is not how we see us. I guess we are weird.
We are a blended family of sorts. My mom and dad had 2 daughters when my mom died in 1969. My dad remarried a woman who had 1 daughter. So now there were 3 of us. My dad and new mom had 2 daughters so now there were 5 of us. It was a loud crazy home. I never said a stepsister or a half-sister. These were my sisters. I refer to Mary Ann as my mom. I do not call her my stepmom unless explaining something to someone. So apparently it's shocking to others but it all seems normal to me and my siblings. 

I told the nurse how this has been an issue in the past.
I was living in my hometown and I went to see a doctor my sister had seen for her allergies.  I would guess my age at this time to be about 25 yrs old. 
The doctor came into the room with his little chart and asked me questions. 
Dr.: how is your dad's health?
Me: Great
Dr. How is your mom's health?
Me: Great
Oh wait, no, she's dead. So not so great. (giggle)
Dr: (annoyed) so which is it? 
Me: I'm sorry my mom passed away in 1969. Breast Cancer.
Dr: okay, moving on any of your family members have allergies?
Me: I said, Yes, my sister Stephanie does. Everything like me, in fact she has been seeing you for treatment.
Dr: okay and he is writing all this on his paper.
Me: OH MY GOD. Um, Stephanie is not my sister.
Dr: WHAT? 
Me: Yeah, Steph is really my step sister, sorry I forgot.
Dr: You forgot? 
Me: yes, sorry. to me she is just a sister but I realize you don't need the information unless it is a blood relative.
Dr: grunts an odd noise.  
I knew he was not happy with me.

Oh yea, this doctor thought I needed to see a psychiatrist, not an allergist.
I felt like such an ass that day. After the dr. visit I went to my parent's house and told my Mom this story and she laughed. Yep, that's our family. She doesn't tell people I am her stepdaughter. Who does that? She raised me through the toughest years, she deserves the title mom. I was not an easy teen! Stephanie was raised by my dad since the age of 5 and he did adopt her. So to us, we are family. 
The good, the bad, and the ugly. 

Friday funnies.

By the time you read this, I'll be driving in the rain on the Pennsylvania turnpike being thankful it's not snow.

Since I have been such a crab this week I thought I'd leave you with a couple of things that tickled me. 

My mom used to say if your palm was itching you were coming into money. 
So this brought back some memories....well, sort of. 😃

my kind of fitbit

 oops!

hey, it's me, down here.

Have I shared with you how my whole life cake was my favorite food group?

Finding out I had celiac disease was like a death. I miss cake. 

Good cake, bad cake, but real cake!.

On my death bed, I will eat cake! (and bread and pasta and cookies and pie....)

Thursday

I am leaving Friday morning to head north to see my family.
The priest was at my Dad's on Wednesday.
I asked mom if it was last rites and she said no, just a blessing and prayers.
My father, the ever committed Catholic, I am certain loved this.

Mom says she was giving him some applesauce and he asked who was behind her. Knowing no one else is in the room she told him she didn't know who this was. He told her that he didn't either. And then it was like he didn't see this person anymore.

Several weeks ago a man who used to work at our company has a sister who was in town. The event she was attending was 2 miles from our home. She said she was in town and was going to stop by to say Hi before she headed to the airport.
(we live near the airport) I was happy to see her.
This woman is a sweetheart. She is younger than me by a lot but we've always hit it off. Anyway, I asked if she finally quit her job as a phlebotomist to do her mediumship full time. She had indeed done that this year.

We were in the  kitchen when she said, "Can we sit in your dining room, you have a lot of people who want to talk to you?"
HUH?
She and I went into the dining room and she began to scribble and then said to me - Your mom is telling me you have asked her to bring your dad home. She said he isn't ready just yet. He is currently in both realms but it won't be long.

Okay, no one knows that I have done that. One day after attempting to meditate I said out loud, Mom, dad doesn't deserve to live like this please help him pass.  Yes, I have done that a few times. So she was spot on. She was spot on with everything she said to me and it blew me away.
She even mentioned that my ex is the one who petitioned for me to go to Vermont. When she got to this topic she said, "Were you married before?" I laughed and told her I was and she said, "I never would have thought that but this man coming in is saying he was your first husband and then she went into what he had to say....
Wild huh?

But the point about my dad being in both realms now sounds about right. 
I spoke to Mom earlier in the week and she said he is talking to people she can't see. He is grabbing for things in the air and then says, thank you to whoever is giving him something.
Then one day he put both hands in the air and then brought them to his mouth as though he was taking communion. I really wish I knew what he saw.

He is 91 and living to 91 isn't great to me if one is living with dementia and Parkinson's. I will fight any disease, just please don't give me Alzheimers/dementia or ALS.  I'm sure my father doesn't want it either!

My parents anniversary was on April10th/Wednesday. 
What a horrible anniversary for my mom.
I know this visit Friday will be the last time I see my father and that is so weird to say. Mom says he is so small and gaunt. His round face is sunken. I just saw him and he didn't look like that. I am so not looking forward to this visit yet I am.  I know I'm a hot mess of contradictions. I know in my head and heart it is time for him to leave us. But ....

This is their anniversary picture from 2 years ago.

See you all when I return.