The Anorexic Christmas Tree

Hey Women - Enjoy this holiday story!

This cracks me up! Yep, it's long but so worth it.

Listen to the PA system in the background while the men are in the "dog house" the subliminal messages make me laugh my ass off. I hope you enjoy too.

Oprah's press announcement

So Oprah is fat and that deserves a press announcement.

I read the following, "I'm mad at myself," Winfrey writes in an article provided early to The Associated Press by Harpo Productions

Now here is what gets me about this sentence above.
“An article provided early to the AP by Harpo Productions.”

So Oprah sent this out as a press release before it appeared in her magazine for what reason?
Generate more people to buy her magazine?
To just share with the world that she’s fat in case any of us hadn’t noticed?
To take the heat off the rest of us for the holidays?
To tell us more stupid and misinformed thyroid information?

Why pray tell would you do this?

I am guessing it’s to sell magazines because magazines are closing across the board and she can’t afford to have her magazine fold. She may have to sell a home, a rolls royce or worse only be worth 1 billion.

She is Teflon. Nothing sticks to this woman.
Don’t get me wrong I like Oprah.
I tivo Oprah.
But between this weight thing and her thyroid I want to smack her upside the head.
Her information is so inaccurate and harmful to most of us with a thyroid issue that when she speaks about it my head could explode.
The day she had on some nut job Dr. telling women that the reason this is more frequent in women is because it’s near your throat and women tend to “hold in” their voices and not express what they really feel. If they didn't do this they would be free of thryoid disease.

OMG! People believe this shit. It's great if you are timid and don't say what's on your mind and it makes you say whats on your mind. But by God if you are sick you can't possibly believe that is the only reason.

Case in point....I am not that person! Do I seem like someone who holds it inside? I vent, I rant, I bitch, I write. So then why does my thyroid not function properly? PLEEEEASE!!!!! Who believes this shit?

No one dares corrects her because God forbid, she’ is the all powerful Oprah.
Even Dr. Oz has sat there like a dope when she states the most inaccurate thyroid information. The last time that happened I threw things at my television smacking her upside the head.
The Yankees could only wish for my accurate arm!

Now don’t get me wrong. I do believe in a mind/body connection so don’t write me an email telling me I am not being open minded. I do believe that holding in your feelings can make you sick but I don’t think that is the only reason your thyroid stops functioning properly.

I don’t think I have ever watched a tv show and was so angry before in my life. But if that so called Dr. was correct then I should be cured. If you doubt me ask my husband. I think he can verify that I have not “held in” my voice AND I am not cured.

I know for a fact that a woman who has written several very successful books on thyroid health and who is a leading advocate in DC for thyroid health and information has requested to be on her show to be heard. But she never gets to be on the show. Because then Oprah would see that her info is so wrong and she would actually have to believe that “holding in your voice” isn’t the cause of an “unbalanced” thyroid as she calls it. She would actually have to do the work and it’s not easy and it sucks.

Also I read in the same article that she claims having an “unbalanced” thyroid made her fearful to exercise” And this is smart woman huh? Or is this an excuse like, “the dog ate my homework.” I’m thinking the latter. What does one have to do with the other? It's not like your thryoid doesn't let your feet onto a treadmill or a pilates machine? Last I looked I could still fit my fat ass into my sweats and work out - I just didn't want to. I did not use my thryoid as an excuse to not exercise......I have tons more excuses better than that!

Well now that I got that off my chest I imagine I will be able to stop taking my thyroid medication forever because I did not hold it in. And I will be a skinny bitch in the new year.

Yummy, Yummy, Yummy

or in other words, Hummina, Hummina, Hummina!

If you have ever read this blog you know I LOVE Gerard Butler.
I love the romantic comedy genre and here we are again with the 2 of 'em ........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iblZOInZaLk

Okay I have to go take a cold shower now.

Holiday Shopping

I don't like to shop. Never have.....probably never will.
I don't get how my sisters or friends can spend hours just browsing at clothing and trying things on.
The idea of undressing and dressing again makes me want to scream.
I love clothes but I just want to have them magically appear in my closet.
That is why I love catalogs.

Which brings me to the holidays.
I have talked to ya'll about the peer pressure to decorate elaborately around here.
Well don't tell anyone that you don't like to shop let alone do not shop on Black Friday.
Honestly if I did that they would officially kick me out of the neighborhood or as my husband says take away my female card.

I am not only the heathen who hates to decorate the outside of her house to look like a cheap amusement park but I also apparently hate to help the economy with her early morning attendance running a sprint into a damn store. Why can't these people walk into the store?
I don't understand the behavior.

Honestly the need to run anywhere at my age is just plain unnecessary. If I walk into the store at 5 or 6am isn't that enough? Will it really make a difference if I run and pull a hamstring or worse yet, tobble an old person to the ground? (said old person could even be me!)
Will I really miss all the items that are loaded on the shelves? I think not. I can walk and I will walk at a decent hour. I am not going to be there at 5 or 6 am or sit overnight in a parking lot. Have these people no lives? I bet these are the same people who sit in line for a month or more before the opening of a Star Wars movie aren't they? The damn nerds.

So you've now got me running and shopping. Ooh two of my favorite things all in one.
I did not help the economy by purchasing items in person. But I sure as hell helped the economy today on cyber Monday. I am now all but 2 items away from being done shopping.
I didn't even have to break a sweat! (or get dressed!)
It doesn't get any better than that. And all with free shipping!
And for all the procrastinators you'll probably spend less because they will have more inventory left and the prices will be really cut. So take that all you nut jobs who ran like hell to get there at the wee hours of the morning. You lost money!

Now if only the liquor store would deliver.....what a great season it could be!

At least I'm not Shoveling Snow

We went to Virgina Beach this past weekend. It was for my husband's business and I tagged alone. I am fortunate that I could and was excited about the mini-getaway.

What is sad is why couldn't this have been in like say July or August?

It was so frickin' cold it was unbelieveable.

Coldest on record for that time of year. Night time temps were 29!

And of course we were on the beach.

Here is a picture of the 1st day from my hotel balcony - the clouds look like snow clouds.

The 2nd day the sun came out and it got to 44 - damn heat wave I'll tell ya.

I know, I know, could have been in my hometown of Erie PA and shoveling snow right?

So I'll quit bitching now.

Crazy Lady

I had someone ask me if that story on my neighbors and their concern for my lack of outdoor Christmas decorating was real. Oh yea, it was a true story. C'mon you can't make that kind of shit up.

So I thought I would share with you another story which I find hilarious and yet so typical of this crazy ass neighbor (who is no longer a neighbor I might add). I will start by telling you how we met them so you have a little back story on this crazy ass neighborhood nymph.

We hadn't lived here long when my husband one day was tired of picking out paint colors and decided he was going to get the mail. He came back into the house 20 minutes later.

"Where did you pick up the mail, the post office?"

"No, I met our new neighbor and I think she just bought herself a new pair of titties."

" Dear Lord, how does one find that out at the mailbox? I asked.

"Well she's our age and they are very very pert Margaret you just couldn't miss those sweater puppies AND she was wearing shorts that had her ass cheeks hanging out - she wanted to be looked at for heaven's sake!"

Well I am sure glad you could make her wish come true dear."

Fast forward to several months later and several neighborhood parties later.
It was a new development and everyone was new and making friends. We had several get togethers that summer on people's patio's with food, drinks and laughter.

One night we were at crazy ass neighbors house. They had a hot tub on their patio.
Everyone was pretty loaded and crazy ass neighbor says, "let's go in the hottub" and the whole idea of going in naked was somehow swirling around. I do not remember who said what or what was said but I do remember that everyone was going to be naked and get in the hottub.

I said, "You know I think this is my cue to go home"

At which point crazy ass neighbor said, "We don't care that you are chubby Peg c'mon stay and go in the hot tub with us."

"You think because I am overweight is why I won't get naked with my neighbors?
Ah no that's not it. Thank you but I think it's best I just go home."

Now her husband chimes in, "Hey we don't care about your weight, so and so is fat and we don't care.

I repeat, "Look you guys my weight has nothing to do with this."

Crazy Ass says, "Sure it does, but we don't care, c'mon."

I look at my husband and say, "Honestly I don't care if you want to stay but I am not going to look at my neighbors penis's and vajay jay's and act like this is normal."

I gather my things to get going and again crazy ass says, "Are you sure, we really don't care about your weight."
Now I am getting pissed - "I DON'T CARE ABOUT MY WEIGHT EITHER. I DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOUR HUSBANDS PENIS AND THEN HAVE TO SEE HIM AT THE MAILBOX TOMORROW AND ACT LIKE I HAVE NEVER SEEN HIS WEINER. HOW CAN YOU NOT GET THAT? WEIGHT IS NOT MY ISSUE. I FIND IT INAPPROPRIATE TO GET NAKED WITH MY NEIGHBORS."

Everyone laughed at me like I was the freak. So be it I thought - let them, I don't need neighborhood peer pressure. So I went home and my husband came home with me. I wasn't mad I just didn't want to be naked with all my neighbors - ooooh ick!

The next morning my husband made me laugh so hard.
He said to me that he was just drunk enough to have stayed when I told him he could.
I asked him then why didn't he?
He says, "I've been married long enough to know that you would have been pissed at me so I came home. Because honestly I didn't mind seeing crazy ass neighbors big new boobies and then seeing her at the mailbox."
God love him that made me laugh. I really wouldn't have been mad if he had stayed but I got why he thought that. I just can't make any one understand that to me it is highly inappropriate to be naked with my neighbors. Period. End Of Story. Not A Weight Issue!

Fast forward to a month or so later and crazy ass neighbor and her very nice husband are at our home having some appetizers and wine sitting around the great room.
I say out of the blue to them, "Hey, how about we all get naked while we're drinking?"

Everyone looks at me like I have a 3rd eye on my forehead. I say it again as I take off my shoes. The husband of crazy ass neighbor asked me "What the hell are you doing?" as he chuckles nervously.

I said, "Does this make you uncomfortable?"

He says, "Well yeah kind of."

"Well it shouldn't. I really don't care that you are a skinny skinny man really I don't."

He take a drink and says, "Just sit here, drink and be naked huh?"

I said, "Yes that was the idea. Oh wait I think I get it, it's okay to get naked as long as water is involved, but not without the water, is that the way it works? Because I really don't care that you and your wife are so skinny really I don't. (Long silent ackward pause.)
Are you thinking that perhaps without the water then it is extremely inappropriate to get naked with your neighbors?

He said, "Ah, yea actually that is it."

Okay then, keep your clothes on 'cause I don't have a hot tub unless you want to all climb in our bathtub. Your call."

At this point my husband is howling!
The two of them looked at each other & finally crazy ass neighbor's husband says, "I get your point." And then smiles with relief.

Of course crazy ass neighbor is too dumb to have gotten the point and I am sure her husband had to explain on their walk home why the hell she couldn't get naked.

Holidays

I am seeing the holiday flyers and commercials and realize that it's upon us and I have no money or time and it's already stressing me out. Baa Humbug is the mantra this time of year.

Thanksgiving isn't so bad but since the majority of my family is all over the country we don't get to all sit down to a meal together anymore. Everyone has their own family and they do their own thing and have their own traditions. I do miss our Thanksgivings I must admit.
And unlike most people our Thanksgiving included Lasagna.

Growing up I didn't know that most people did not have wedding soup, lasagna, antipasto, meatballs along with their turkey, stuffing, candied sweat potatoes, mashed potatoes,rolls, cranberry sauce, green bean cassorole and pumpkin pie and other assorted desserts.

Honestly my life growing up was so insulated. It was family. Period. My playmates were cousins and my sisters. Until I went to other peoples homes in junior high I didn't know that others didn't have 2 sides of the table. Whether we ate Thanksgiving at our house with relatives over or we went to a relatives there was always wedding soup, lasagna etc. So to me that was normal.

One day when I was in the school cafeteria around the holidays we had turkey for lunch. I HATE turkey so I did not eat mine. A friend at the lunch room table said, "if you don't like turkey what do you eat on Thanksgiving?" I looked at her curiously and stated that "I just eat the lasagna." She laughed along with everyone else at the table. And there it began; I was embarrassed that I was different and so "ethnic." I remember going home and asking my mom after school if she was aware that it wasn't right to have something other than just turkey for thanksgiving like everyone else. I don't remember what she told me but I do remember that she was upset that I would be embarrassed. That was the beginning of having to explain to people what I began to see as my weird family. Now I find it funny because who wouldn't want everything that was on our table?

But now years later I love having lasagna because I still do not like anything about the traditional Thanksgiving dinner except the green been casserole and the pies. Oh candied sweet potatos are great but really I would rather have the pies.

Ah, but Christmas is a whole other story. Oh it's not the food, or the gifts, or the enormous family and dysfunction that causes me the most stress though - it's my damn neighborhood.

The first year we lived here. (2000) I was traveling 3 days a week or more for work. My husband was traveling the same. On weekends we could barely keep up with the house and laundry and errands etc. We were spending all weekend getting caught up on things that normal people do during the week while they are home. Decorating the outside of my house for Christmas was so low on my list of priorities that it was off my radar all together.

I got the proverbial knock on my door and it's my crazy neighbor named Peggy, holding a bottle of wine. She bugs the hell out of me but what the hell she's holding a bottle of wine so I invite her in. After having a few sips of wine she proceeds to interrogate me on why I have not done anything outside. "what do you mean by DO ANYTHING?" She said you are the only one on the block who has not decorated and don't you think it's getting a bit late? I asked her if the Home Owners Association made this mandatory & I didn't get the memo. She laughed and said, "Oh No, but it just doesn't look good for you and we've all been wondering..." I wanted to scream at this nut job but instead I suggested, "if you would like to help yourself to the outside of my house while you are home all week please feel free to do so because I have not had the time or the inclination to do so." A snide comment from her followed and she drank up and left.

Oh I got the looks from all the snotty women. That only made me more defiant in my stance that now I was NOT going to do anything to the outside of my house. This Peggy woman was a nut job and she didn't work outside her home. She had no kids, she had a cleaning woman, and a personal chef who made her meals and put them in her fridge and freezer and labeled them for her for heaven's sake. She had a person do her yard work & landscaping. She went to the gym or shopping every day. I did not have that luxury. Why the hell didn't she have the time to decorate my house outside if it bugged her so much?

The following year I bought a Menorah and put it in the window.....that kept them quiet and off my back that year. Not a single snippy word, not a nasty glance or a Merry Christmas, but a Happy Holiday! (that cracked me up) These Stepford Women were all confused now and being politically correct no one knew what the hell to say or do. I have to admit that I got immense joy from that.
My husband laughed like hell but as always he just shook his head and laughed at his crazy wife.

FINALLY.....

Been gone for awhile and Glad that's over!

Working a 2nd job to help out a friend and I could not see straight.....Glad that's over.
Then went out of town to a funeral.....Glad that's over
Hubby had food poisoning when I got back......REALLY GLAD THAT'S OVER.

I have never had food poisoning but in the 21 1/2 years I have known my Big Guy he has had it 2 or 3 times. This time it was from KFC. He loves KFC and I can tell you with conviction he will not be eating there again. Somehow that turns him off to all KFC's.
I get it though, I got so sick once on vodka that I have never had a drop of vodka again.
To this day I can no longer drink orange juice either. Oh, not because vodka was in it, no, this time it was because I had to drink this horrific thick, icky substance before a surgery and they told me to put it in my o.j. I listened and now I can not drink o.j.

So you ask what do you drink at brunch? Well now at brunch I have Bloody Mary's made with gin, there is always another way around a problem now isn't there?

Yes We Can

....Yes We Did!

No more political commercials.
No more polling political phone calls.
No more people asking us for campaign contributions.
That I am thankful is over.

I am thrilled at the American turnout.
I am thrilled that American's came out to vote in recored numbers.
The numbers were American Idol numbers and isn't that wonderful?
Isn't it great that this year people were as glued to the televison for the results of a presidental race as they normally are for the winner of American Idol?

I watched a lot of the results coverage on BBC. Facsinating to watch.
Non Partisian - completely.
Their view on America and their unbiased opinions of the facts were great to witness.
Oh they had a few state names incorrect, like New Hampshire being North Hampshire - but honestly American's can't even name anywhere in the UK other than London so that is an easy mistake to overlook.

Little sleep in my household but all worth it to me.

To quote a '60's song by Bob Dylan.....

The times they are a changin'

VOTE!

Well now you really have no excuses.

Let's see, you can get free coffee at Starbucks if you tell 'em you voted.
You can get free Krispy Kreme Donuts & free Ben & Jerry's ice cream.
And if that weren't enough you can also get some free adult toys.

I kid you not. I just read that this store in Seattle and NY are giving away mini vibrators or a penis sleeve thing-a-ma-jig if you walk into this adult store and tell them you voted.
Apparently they are going to take your word on this one.

I think I'll stick with the Ben & Jerry's.
:-)

Can't get this song out of my head!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2Lg1myJmyc

Tall, Gorgeous, Thin and Rich

I've been noticing that if something is said enough times people begin to believe it no matter how far fetched it may be.

I am tall, gorgeous, thin and rich I have noticed that with all the talk of a recession, which should not be news to anyone, American's are in a panic. I am tall, gorgeous, thin and rich.
The housing market has been in the toilet for over a year. A year ago the job market took a nose down - at least where I live. But no one was saying the word, recession. When a pundit did, it was poo-poo'd. I am tall, gorgeous, thin and rich. But now it's being repeated ad nauseum so everyone has closed their purses strings so to speak and stopped spending money. This only makes matters worse....but no one has told them that so they are clueless. I am tall, gorgeous, thin and rich.

The day discussions began with a bail out our phones stopped ringing all together. The day before we were busy as all get out. Nothing has changed except that people were told to wake & smell the roses. I am tall, gorgeous, thin and rich. In essence people were told how to think. We crazy American's were too self involved to notice things were not great a long time ago. If they heard it randomly before then they just told that person they were nuts.

So that you won't be confused later in life it's important that you know that I am tall, gorgeous, thin and rich.......now Pass it on!

Another reason why I left my hometown long ago......

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081015/ap_on_el_pr/murtha_obama_racism_5

......and you thought only the south had that corner covered. Hah!

Mad Men.....and Women

I am hopelessly addicted to Mad Men.
I love the nostalgia, the clothes, the era. I am always in such surprise yet delight in the fact that they get even the smallest of detail spot on of 1962. It's a hoot in so many ways.

Last night had me going a bit nuts. What the hell is Don Draper doing? And Peggy, my God she's wound so tight man, when she blows - look out. How funny was that scene with her getting her hair cut from Kirk? I mean really, what a stereotype.....but funny as hell none the less.

Okay are there any other addicts besides me out there? This show is too good not to be watching is all I can say!!

I have these love/hate feelings for Don Draper/Dick Whitman -who ever the hell he is.
It reminds me of Tony Soprano. You hate him for the dispicable things he does to people and to Carmela but there is something about him that you love. Same goes for Don Draper.....only he's pretty too. hummina, hummina, hummina.

Halloween

I love  Halloween.
I may be a Grinch at Christmas but I am a lover of Halloween.
Today, I just love opening the door and seeing the little ones in their costumes and all that goes along with it.

I have great memories of Halloween as a child.
I have great memories of Halloween parties as an adult. 
One of my favorite costumes as an adult was a party we were to attend as a famous couple.
Everyone we knew was choosing celebrity couples. We went a different direction instead as a cartoon couple. We were Fred and Wilma Flintsone. 
It was such fun to see who was walking in the door as what couple.
But that was the last Halloween party I enjoyed.

I was living in the suburbs of Cleveland Ohio at the time for my career.
I was dating my husband who lived exactly 2 hrs east along I-90 in PA.
He called and told me about a big Halloween party his friends were having on Friday night the 30th. He asked me to come into town and go to this party on Friday night with him.
I explained that I would be in Houston on business and not getting back until at least 5pm if the flight was on time. I wasn’t sure I could get home and repack, put on a costume and be there in time.

I looked at the calendar and said to Rick, “Gee Halloween is on Saturday, are you sure the party is on Friday night and not Saturday?”
He said he was sure they told him Friday. But I didn’t stop. I begged him to call his friends and be sure about the date and then let me know and I’d see what I could do.

I had a plan but honestly, this was not going to be easy for me.
I thought I’d have to hurry out and get a costume before I left for my trip, which honestly I didn't have time for. I planned to have my bag packed with my costume and leave it in my car parked at the airport to avoid going home after the airport. Then as soon as I landed I’d drive to his place and change there and off we’d go…..maybe being just a bit late. It just was too close for my comfort.

He called me 2 days later to let me know that he called his friends about the party.
What he neglected to tell me at that time was that his friends were not home.
Their teenage son answered the phone and Rick asked a 14 yr old if his parent’s party was for Friday night?
The kid says, “yeah”
Now we all know a 14 yr old, a boy to boot, has no clue of what is going on in his parent's life.
He barely listens to his parents when they talk. So he may have heard that a party was going to take place but you can't rely on a 14 yr old boy for the details of such things. For that matter, you can't depend on a grown-ass man to give you details.....But apparently, that point was lost on Rick.

So I buy my costume now at the last minute with barely any choices to choose from.
I pack my car with an extra suitcase. One for my trip to Houston for business and the other for my trip to Rick’s place for a Halloween party. Flying back to Cleveland my plane is 20 minutes late getting me home. I run through the airport in 3-inch heels like I'm on fire. I get to the parking garage and drive like a crazy woman across Interstate 90 and make it to Rick’s home in 80 minutes. (that was my record!)

We put on our costumes. I am a nun and he is a priest/monk. We look good. We have a good laugh about the unholy things we'll be doing later and take a few pictures of ourselves and off we go to the party.
As we drive over to the party Rick is telling me about his friends notorious Halloween parties, the dry ice, the costumes, the fun and craziness. I say, “I can’t believe a few hours ago I was in Houston and now we’re actually going to be on time.”
I was so frenzied that I was now feeling like I could finally exhale.
I couldn't wait to have a drink and see all that he was telling me because it sounded like fun.

We pulled up to the house and it is very dark.
Rick tells me it’s dark because of the party and again he goes into stories about how the lights are out and the wild and elaborate decorations this couple goes to for their parties.
We are sitting across the street from the house and I mention that I don’t see a lot of cars. So we agree to sit here and wait a bit so we aren’t the first couple inside.
We waited for 20 more minutes and no one was showing up.
I am having a very bad feeling which I share with Rick but he is poo-poo-ing me as we sit and wait......and wait.

After what seemed like a long time Rick suggests we go inside.  

Rick knocks on the door.
We are both just standing on their porch with our costumes on the day before Halloween waiting for someone to answer the door. But no one answers the door.
Rick knocks and rings the bell again. Finally, someone comes to the door.
It’s Trish, his friend’s wife. She looks groggy. She sees Rick and it takes her a minute to realize what she is looking at and then begins to laugh hysterically.
Rick says, “did you guys cancel the party and not call me?”
Trish tries to speak but is laughing so hard she can’t get anything out.

Apparently, Trish’s husband took her sons to a football game and she fell asleep on the couch. We woke her up. She finally gains her composure and says to Rick, “oh my God you ass! Rick, the party is tomorrow, tomorrow is Halloween you big goofball, not today. Why don’t you come in anyways and have a drink with me.”

I am mortified. I have never met these people before and here I stand in front of her in a nun's costume. I say hello and she just can't stop laughing. We decline the offer of going inside for a drink.  He tells her that we’ll just see you tomorrow. We walk off the porch as this woman is holding her abdomen laughing hysterically.

When we get back to the car he says to me, “I know, I know you told me it would be on Saturday but I swear their kid told me it was today!”

"THEIR KID? I thought you said you called Trish and her husband?
So now I get the truth. I was so mad at him and I was embarrassed.
But at the same time, I found this funny. How damn ridiculous we must have looked standing there out of context to her?

Nothing has changed sadly. Rick doesn't always pay attention to the details. 
Details are what he calls minutia, as though unimportant. 
I think that is why he married me. I know that it is why he begged me to run his business when I was downsized.  He could trust me and he knew the "minutia" would be dealt with without bogging down his pretty little head.

We never did go back to the real party on Saturday. I just wasn’t up for the humiliation and my heart just wasn't in it.

But we still have a Halloween memory, don't we?

The Things I have to look forward to....

My poor husband can't find anything. How he even gets home at night is a mystery to me. He's directionally impaired and he has now added the inability to find a friggin' thing that belongs to him. I think the only reason he got married was to have someone find his stuff.

This morning he went out to his truck and then he came back in. I asked him, "forget something?" "Yep my GPS" he replies. (he takes it off the stand and brings it in at night because we've had them stolen in our own driveway.)

So we are looking around the kitchen & island where he drops all his stuff after work. It's not there. So now he is upstairs in the bedroom. I yell upstairs, "You couldn't find your way to the bedroom?" "HA HA Margaret - I just thought maybe I carried it up here - are you even looking down there?" Hey I'm looking but it's not here so he thinks because I didn't find it I'm not looking. Honestly! So he goes back out to his truck and it is in there. Viola. Magically appeared. He comes back in laughing as he tells me "it's in the truck" So I give him another kiss goodbye and off to work he goes....or so I thought.

A few minutes later as I am sitting at my desk I hear our door open. I yell downstairs, "Rick is that you?" "Yea, now I can't find my cell phone." So we begin this dance again. I go downstairs and say, "should I call you to help us?" Then I point to his belt - he's wearing it for heaven's sake. He shakes his head, "OH MY GOD, what the hell is wrong with me today?"
TODAY?

Last week he couldn't find his wallet. It was in his pants that were hanging on the back of his closet door. Now wouldn't you look there first?
Then he couldn't find his favorite pair of khaki shorts. He asked me if I've seen them lately.
"Did you look in the drawer?" "Yeah I looked in the drawer, don't get smart." So I said, "no I haven't seen them lately but the bigger question here mister is where the hell are you taking your pants off these days?" He rolls his eyes at me. So off to search for his favorite pair of shorts which were washed, folded and put away in his drawer by his loving wife.

A few weeks ago he kept forgetting his cell phone. He very much needs this for work. So I put up a sign in front of his truck that reads, "Rick do you have your cell phone today?" You can not miss this sign once you sit in the drivers seat unless you are legally blind.
But numb nuts still forgot his cell phone - twice.

This morning as he left for the final time I gave him a kiss and said growing old with you sure is an adventure. "No, he laughs, more like a scavenger hunt and who better to help me find my teeth when I'm really old?"

Happiness

We Tend to Seek Happiness

When Happiness is

Actually A Choice

Phone Hell

Okay the fall delusion is over.
The sky is falling.
The economy is in the shitter.
People are scared.
And those that have a job can't do them well even if they wish to.

Yesterday while on the phone to a customer the phone went directly to a busy signal mid-sentence.
I still do not have phone service on my business phone. This costs us thousands and thousands of dollars a day!
This is so bad I can not even articulate it.

Of course Verizon says it will be fixed in October. Can you believe it? October? No specific date so sometime between now and Halloween I suppose.
Now imagine any business that relys on customers calling in for your service and only getting the following message upon dialing - "The number you have called is no longer in service."

Ya think you might assume they are out of business now wouldn't you?
Can you even imagine what a nightmare this has caused us?

This morning I had a twit tell me that this could be worse, it could be something I had to pay for to repair. It took every ounce of professionalism to not throttle that bitch and give her a tongue lashing. Instead I politely asked if they could assist me in some way to forward my calls to my home phone. She hung up on me. Guess that was too tough a question.

We were told that we were only 7 who were affected as though that should make us feel better.
I have been put through customer service hell and gone round and round with people all telling me something different. I do not know if that is a serious lying issue or no one there at Verizon knows what the hell they are doing or looking at. I am not sure which scenario is worse at this point.

I do know that I want to cry. I can't believe that they can't fix this until October and that I of course will not get a finacial break on my bill or consideration of such a financial break on my bill. I have asked. No specific date in October - just fixed sometime in October. I could be out of business by then.

I want to write to them and tell them that while my bill is in fact due on October 10th, I might not be able to fix that until November. But don't worry this only inconveniences 7 people all together so it shouldn't be that big of a deal.

Think they'll find comfort in that?

Fall

According to my calendar it's fall.
According to the weather man here today it will be in the low 80's.
Saturday and Sunday were so hot and humid you would have thought it was mid July.

I've said it before -I love living here. But I do so miss a northern fall.
The crisp air, the colors, the smells. It would be cooler now up there vs. having on our air conditioner 24/7 right now.

I am looking out my office window at the HOA lawn service triming the common area's. I am watching them mow the lawns.

I am going to close my eyes and daydream.
It's fall, the Yanks are in the play offs, the air is crisp and cool and the trees are vibrant reds, yellow and oranges.

Happy Monday

Multi Tasking

Let me see if I understand this situation.

So this guy who said a few weeks ago that "Our economy was strong" and Obama wasn't making accurate statements about our economy has now forgotten that statement and claims he is the only one who can fix it. Let us not forget that back in the '80's he was 1 of the Keating Five (google it people) and helped create the savings & loan crisis with his vast economic knowledge. At the least it was stated that McCain showed "extremely poor judgement"
Yep that's presidental material for we American's who don't pay attention.

Right now the hold up is that the republican's are all in fighting with one another. They oppose the presidents bill and are yelling at one another. Oh I know I hear too much news down here in D.C. (coverage ad nausem)

Shouldn't a president be able to handle more than 1 crisis at a time? And if he can't God help us all. Presidents have a lot on their plates, with fake reasons to come up with to go to war, the economy, the housing crisis, global warming, creating enemies where we've never had them before in the world. Jeez "W" could even multi-task and we know he's not mensa material.
Of course if McCain's excuses were really true and he just couldn't be at the debate because he is so busy saving the world from a diaster from his previously supported bills that got us here in the first place, then wouldn't you send your 2nd in command? Oh wait, without a teleprompter she looks like an uneducated uninformed twit.

I read a great article in the Washington Post this morning and saw roughly the same thing here.....
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/25/at-white-house-mccain-pla_n_129438.html
For you American's too lazy to inform yourself the long way and read it I will give you bullet points.

• 2 Senators, 1 on record was Sen. Dodd - who said process could be derailed by what he viewed as McCain's political motives. Surprise!
• They saw this as McCain stalling for his political gain. He was going to make this look like his rescue plan no matter how much it hurt America. Surprise!
• All in the room were key figures involved on both sides of the aisle as well as the President. With the exception of McCain and Sen Shelby all were in agreement over a revised version of the bill that Treasury Sec.Paulson's plan. Hmmm.....worked on collectively, both parties....isn't that what McCain says he does best?
• McCain said nothing throughout the day and did not participate in the dialogue until the end when he mentioned a counter proposal that 2 other republicans had put out there a while ago and it would suspend the capital gains tax for 2 yrs and provided tax incentives for firms that buy up bad debt. He would not discuss specifics of the plan of course (ah, didn't know 'em perhaps) and was non comittal about supporting it. Surprise! - just buying time it seems to me.
• Then when the Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson and President Bush said NO and why it that wouldn't work. Bush stated that if this didn't pass "this sucker (our economy) would go down. (lovely) But hey John McCain don't worry at least you don't have to debate someone smarter than you now if you keep stalling for your own good instead of the good of the country you claim to always put forth. Surprise!
• Treasury Secretary Paulson then walked into the room where the Democrats were caususing at the White House and pleaded with them to "please don't blow this up" According to ABC New the Democrats stayed talking as Paulson approached them. After his comment some shot back that the real problem was with the house republicans. To which Paulson replied 'I know'

God Help Us All.

Help Me!

Is it November 5th yet? Jeez I want this election over.

I may be moving to Canada but I still want this damn election over with already.

Happiness

There is a saying that I love and it goes like this -

We Tend To Seek Happiness, When Happiness is Actually A Choice.

I just bought a piece of art for my office with this saying on it.

I had a friend ask me a long time ago if I was happy, really happy. We were driving to dinner in my car and it all started with her was asking me why I don't buy a new car, mine was 6 yrs old. (I loved my old Accord I told her and there was nothing wrong with it)

I told her I was happy. To her I shouldn't have been. To her I was living in an old apartment, struggling for the most part with finances, driving an old car and not going where I wanted in my career fast enough. For the life of her she couldn't understand why I was happy all the time. She appeared to have everything she wanted, a job that made her a lot of money, she bought cars and large ticket items at the drop of the hat and with cash no less. She had a beautiful home and clothes. She was married to a very nice man whom she claimed she loved. But she said that I always seemed happy and was always laughing yet I didn't have 1/2 of what she had. She only laughed she said around me and my hubby. I was so shocked she was saying all of this. I looked at her and said that I was in a great relationship with a wonderful man and while I didn't have all the monetary things she had I really had no reason to NOT be happy. She shook her head and we didn't speak about it ever again.

I have thought about it though ever since it happened.

I have a sister who is a walking poster for how to be miserable. She is so negative and she walks around being jealous, petty, close minded and self absorbed. She has a huge chip on her shoulder and she is always the victim. It is always everyone else fault that she is miserable. Even when her husband died this past year she kept asking how he could do this to her? Like he choose to do it just to piss her off. C'mon! Sometimes I think she must get something from being like this or why the hell does she keep doing it?

She is never happy about anything and only sees the negative. If someone is the least bit successful or happy she begrudges them that happiness but saying something derogatory to them. She does this to family members and any one else she comes in contact with. She can suck the air out of a room. She is not fun to be around. She thinks because I smile and appear to be perky all the time that I have a blessed life and nothing is ever wrong.

It drives me crazy how she is always throwing barbs at me and my life to make herself feel better. I learned a long time ago that this is her issue not mine and I will not let her make me feel badly. She is toxic. I try my darnest to stay clear of her as much as I humanly can.

Self-preservation.....one of the best lessons I have learned in my life!

I choose to smile and be happy. I choose not to go to a toxic place. Listen if you read my blogs you know that I am a crusty old broad. But I am a softie too and the blog allows me to vent so I can let it go and turn around and be my ole happy self. I hate that more people just can't be nice. Why is that so hard?

Look I went through a very dark period of clinical depression several years ago. That is how they discovered my thryoid problem. (Thank God!)

I choose to hide for awhile while doing what I needed to do to make myself well again. I wasn't mean to others and I didn't always want to converse or be around others at my worst. I choose to deal with this inwardly and with professional help. If I couldn't go out and put on a smile then I choose to just stay home. I didn't want to inflict my issues onto others or worse yet, be like all those people I write about that take it out on everybody they encounter. I may have done that if I went out and I decided that was not fair to them, this was my issue and I had to deal with it or else fake it until I made it. (putting on my Peggy face as I call it)

I have a wonderful partner in my life. I am truly blessed. I so know that he is better than most out there. I see that in everything he does every day. He lives his life for me and as he likes to say to me and everyone, my comfort is his main concern. So how the hell can't I be happy? So I don't have a lot of clothes and I can no longer shop whenever I want or buy a new car that we need desperately. I don't need all that stuff because I am happy without them as well as with them. It will come back again.

Yes there are times of struggles. There are financial issues right now - but everyone is in that boat together with our economy. But that is no reason to take it out on others. There is no reason to sulk. There is no reason to go out and be mean in the world. Those people need to learn that it is so much easier and really does make you feel better when you smile.

Smiling is contagious and happiness is really a choice.

Try it sometime!

Okay that's the lecture of the day.

And besides when all else fails.....have some of this stuff....it's an amazing elixer

New York Yankee Stadium Farewell

I had a great evening last night so induldge me here people.

After dinner I went up stairs to the HD Television and the stadium seats and got all comfy.
I watched hours upon hours of the Farewell to Yankee Stadium. I didn't come down from that high and was unable to sleep until 4pm and got up at 6:30a. It's gonna be a long day my friend!

I saw my favorite Yankee of all time and it made me cry.
I know what the hell is wrong with me right?
My hubby could only touch my arm - he knew it was coming.
I uttered my favorite phrase that I would utter when my favorite Yankee came to the plate or did something wonderful. Usually yelling at the TV, clapping and acting like a general fool. His little face will always make me smile!
I started this around '96 and it always made my hubby laugh. " Bernie, I want to have your babies, Williams."

Rick was laughing, "I haven't heard that in a long time! I missed that"
Truth be told I miss saying it, I miss him playing and I just miss him! Number 51.
I didn't like the way his departure was handled. I didn't want him to leave the game anymore than he wanted to leave the game. I thought how the Yankee's handled it was horrible. But then if big ole George "The Boss" was not in dementia and poor health it would have been handled with the respect and dignity that it warranted. But the fans did what we fans do - we showered him with love and he got the biggest and longest ovation and applause and cheers of the night. I saw the tears well up in his eyes so he felt all the love.

I don't know what is going to happen in the next 85 yrs in the new stadium. I can't fathom a greater legacy but I can only hope. Whether you hate them or love them like me you can't deny the dynasty or the names. Even if someone isn't into baseball if you ask them to name a ball player 90% of the time it will be a Yankee.
As Joe DiMaggio once said, "I'd like to thank the good Lord for making me a Yankee."

I feel that way about being a fan.


Bernie Williams, #51

Are you a TV person?

There are 3 types of people
1. TV People
2. Anti-TV People
3. People who proclaim they don't watch TV but have them in every room of their homes and HUGE ones at that.

I happen to be the 1st. I have always loved television even when it was only 3 stations and no remote control. (gasp!) Anybody out there even remember those days?

I have a neighbor who always says, "Oh we don't watch much tv except PBS, we like to do other things." As though me being a tv watcher is so pedestrian and white trash of me. I point out to them all their tv's. He has a TV the size of a small car in his great room. A tv in the bedroom, and a tv in his kitchen and living room. Why do you need so many TV's if you don't watch much? Why is that considered so awful? His response was they like to watch movies. So apparently watching movies is so much more high brow.
As my sister would say, "oooh smell me"

I read more books that most people I know. I should have asked him if he's read anything besides the internet in the past year. I could have gotten all snobby on his ass. I read on average 20 a year. I like biography's, history, ficton, humor and even political. I manager to find time to plant in my garden, travel, work, blog, remodel my homes, go out with friends and family and still watch tv. So it's not like I'm only watching tv or that I am an idiot. I guess for some reason the high brows find this all distasteful. So I will be distasteful then - no surprise!

I remember when I was very very young I would like to watch movies after school.
The old black and white hat movies I call them. Everyone was always wearing a hat. Check it out now when you see one. There isn't a frame without someone in a hat.
I still love those old movies from the 40's and 50's. Nothing better on a winter Sunday afternoon than to curl up and watch one of my favorites come on with Cary Grant or Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn. I used to come from school when my mom was sick with cancer & we would watch an afternoon movie together. That was the time of day she got a visit from the in home nurse who gave her a shot and she was to lie down for a while. After my mom died it was something I did to escape. The stories made me forget what was going on in my little world. It was my friend. It was comfort. And it was something that me and mom did and it made me feel good. Who knows maybe that is why I like TV. Maybe it's just because I love to escape. Who knows I just like TV and wish I could get paid to watch it. I think it's just as simple as that.

Right now I am so addicted to Mad Men. (sunday nights at 10pm on AMC)
If you haven't seen it yet it would be very hard to catch up so I highly recommend finding season one on DVD. They did a marathon not too long ago on AMC and that got my husband up to date. He too is enthralled with this show.
The women's clothes crack me up. The sexual harrassment, the old boys club, the racism, the smoking and my favorite is the drinking all damn day at work.

Think about it - you win an account you walk into your peers or supervisor's office and tell them and celebrate with a cocktail.....at 1pm in the afternoon. Lunch is always served with booze. A 3 martini lunch and then back to work you go, wobbley but back to work you go. How did any work even get done is what I want to know.

After 2 martini's I am drunk. 3 martini's will normally have me horizontal. I can just see my emails and conversations at that point. Oh no. Although the honestly would flow.....tee hee. I imagine I wouldn't have my job for very long. But then again, in that era the women were only secretary's and they didn't get to drink their lunches.

Mad Men is set in the early 60's in case you aren't watching it. It's a facsinating look at how far our world has come in so many ways. Yet startling to see how we've gone backwards in some ways.

Next week the new TV season begins and my tivo is set. As you can tell I look forward to this, now if only there will be something good to watch.

Fraud

I've been asked more than once why I say my mantra is "I hate people" They think I can't really feel that way. I have a lot of friends who say that I am not that person so I shouldn't say it. Okay I really may not hate them as much as I hate their behavior but I sure as hell don't like 'em. I never fail to be disappointed in people. The small minds, the evil things they do or say, the bigotry, I could go on and on.

There are some things that people spend their time doing that I can never wrap my little head around. I have endless examples but today I will share with you one that just happened to a friend.
FRAUD
Those rat bastards who commit fraud on helpless people....can we please publically flog them again like the old days? Please? God that would feel good.
How about we have them use their computer skills to make a website of their pictures and names so the world could see these little peckerheads.

Is there a name bad enough to describe these low life humans? Taking advantage of people who are less educated or old and confused or those that don't speak your language and to then pounce on them like they are your prey is the definition of a scum bag. How do these people sleep at night knowing they have caused harm to others or hurt them financially and emotionally? I just can't wrap my head around these things.

Last night while my hubby and I were out we got a voicemail from my cleaning woman, Olga.
It was late when we picked up the message so I called her this morning to see what was up.
I thought she was going to tell me she couldn't come this week. Instead when I called her this morning she was in a state of panic and talking so fast it was difficult for me to understand.

You see, Olga is from Mexico. Olga is now an American citizen but her English is still worse than Desi Arnez was on I Love Lucy. She gets important words confused sometimes and her English writing skills are very poor....worse than her English. She does make me laugh some times when she confuses or mixes up words that are close to the same meaning but just not quite.
At the beginning I had gotten pretty pissed at her when she told me something and then come to realize she was using the wrong word and that 1 word sure as hell made a difference in that whole sentence and it's meaning. We laugh about that story even today - 6 yrs later.

Olga needed my help this morning. I asked her to slow down and start at the beginning.
She was listening to the radio in the car while running errands. This station is broadcast in Spanish. They had a contest and the caller who could answer this correctly won 3 trips. Now that probably sounds fishy to you right immediatley - it did to me - but I think the fact that this station is in Spanish she has a comfort level that she wouldn't have on an English speaking channel. Olga called in and won. They asked for her phone number and said they would call her back to verify. She repeatedly told me she has never called this type of thing before....but it only takes one time as we all know.

She was so excited with the thought of her win. She thought that she and her husband could take a trip or visit familiy over the holidays. By the time they called her back she was thick into multi-tasking and she was now in the grocery store. They asked her for her credit card number which she gave them. IMMEDIATELY she realized she shouldn't have done that and she said, "I change my mind and I do not want the winning trips" They told her it was too late she has been charged $66.00 per trip and then $250 per day and taxes. She kept telling them she didn't want it. She asked to speak to a supervisor and of course this man (Mr. Canales) got rude but got another person on the phone. The so called supervisor (Mr. Hernandez) told her that it was too late to change her mind her credit card had been charged. She was hysterical at this point. They tried to tell her they were legitimate by telling her - "We have a website, here it is, go look and see for yourself. We are in Miami." Like having a website makes you legit.
They would not refund her credit card and told her to look for a package in the mail. She would enjoy her trips and her stays all at 5 star hotels and resorts. They impressed upon her to open the package when it arrives and the rest of that conversation she doesn't remember all that clearly. My first thought was DO NOT OPEN THAT PACKAGE. I told her to send it back RETURN TO SENDER unopened.

By the time she got home she was a basket case and her husband was none too happy with her.
He kept telling her that he saw something like this on CNN and people lost their house. By the time I called her this morning she was convince she was going to lose everything they had worked hard for. She was crying.

We called her credit company, which she had done last night but they didn't understand what she was doing and she only spoke to customer service. They told her to wait until she got a bill and she could dispute. So together we did a 3 way call this morning and we spoke to the fraud dept. We got her card closed down and an investigation began. We then called a credit bureau company and had a fraud alert attached to all 3 credit bureau companies on her reports. But she was still very much shaken up and not completely convinced this was enough.

After we did these calls I went over what each one meant 1 more time. She wrote down all the confirmation numbers and people we spoke to. (I have a copy of all of this as well)
Then she said to me, "Peggy I have one more favor to ask you. Could you please call the TV station, the 7 on your side people to do their investigation?" I laughed and said that was a good idea but I don't think we can just call them or need to for you to get this taken off your credit card. She would have none of that. She watches that segment on the evening news religiously and she knows you have to email them from their website. Because her writing skills are lacking she wanted me to do this for her. I actually have to admit that I felt silly doing this but it meant the world to her. Ah, the power of TV.

So I wrote to 7 on your side to have them investigate to see if this is indeed a scam. Perhaps they could look into the radior station, which by the way, Olga tried to call but got no where.
It was interesting to me that this was on an all Spanish speaking station. The people who called her were spanish speaking as well. But when explaining all of this it was done in English and she was getting confused.

So how do these people sleep knowing they deliberatly are ripping off a nice hard working woman? People who they know will be confused like the elderly or the people who's first language is not English. They knew darn well that the "winner" would feel comfortable with this group and then they could then pounce on them.

Could they use their bilingual skills to help people like Olga? Sure but what fun is that to a scum bag? Could they use those skills to teach immigrants to read, write and speak the English language? Hell yes, but then who could they rip off, the elderly are getting smarter. Could they assist the new citizens in voting for the first time? Sure they could but why would they want to do that because a new president may make tougher penalties if they are caught?

This all falls under the cateogory of my mantra....please repeat after me.....

Working in a construction Zone

My home office is what was once my husbands work space. He worked from home, or worked "virtual" for years. His office reflected him. He has fishing pictures and fishing motif everywhere. He picked out the colors and everything in it were his choices.
But now I use this office for our business & I spend more hours in this office than one should have to spend in any one place and it just isn't working for me.

There is not a lot of light in this room so I really needed the office furniture in a new arrangement. I wanted the windows behind me to bring light in over me and onto the work surface. While I enjoyed looking out the windows during the day it was not giving me the best use of the light. So what started as rearranging the furniture became a big undertaking.

I really never liked the colors and I really don't like the fishing paraphenalia. But it was his office and when we moved in I told him to make it his own. He sure did. But now he's never in that office I am and well I'm not that thrilled with the arrangement and the whole darn thing.

So I said one day to my hubby that I would really like to remove the carpet in the office because it is tough on the chair, with moving it around and it just looks horrible. I even mentioned that perhaps we could think about doing something different in there.
He immediately said, "you know it's looking tired. I think it's time." I about dropped my martini....but realized that was good gin and that would be stupid. Instead I put it down and ran to hug him. 'LOOKING TIRED?" My God he has been paying attention to me over the years when I do my decorator speak. Who knew? I always thought when his eyes glazed over or he was looking at the World Poker Tour on TV that he wasn't really hearing me. Do you think he really could be listening to me after all? Oh hell, who am I kidding, he must have heard that phrase from a customer because I have other solid proof that he just doesn't listen to me when I am talking to him about such things! But he does spoil me and I think that is what he's doing because I know he could live in total squalor and be happy as a pig in squalor. This undertaking is more about him giving me what I want and I'll just happily go along with that.

Last weekend we ripped out the carpet, down with the fishing border and fishing pictures and moved out all the furniture we could without totally disrupting my work day. This past weekend we put up the measured and cut wainscoting and primed and painted it all. It looks pretty darn good. I even got to use the power nailer. Now that is a great & fun tool. (I don't do saws, I know I'll be like some demented high school shop teacher with a few missing digits. I like my rings so I want my fingers.)

This weekend we will be putting in the new bamboo flooring. Right now I am working on the sub floor which I don't recommend. I have to wear shoes to work now, which I don't normally do, because I got a sliver in my foot from the sub floor and that was a bitch.

I have office equipment and office stuff everywhere. I keep bringing things back in that I have no where to put right now but I need them to do my job. It's crazy. One very small office sure did house a lot of shit. I am amazed by how much stuff is all over our bedroom piled up because I have no place for it right now until the shelves are done or whatever. I have a fax machine sitting on the steps. It's crazy right now and it's not a great way to work but the end results should be worth it. Isn't that what everyone says who is remodeling something?

My own personal Bob Vila will be building me a book case to house office necessaties with some new areas for my printers. It is such a small space but I can't wait to see it when it's done.
I really am looking forward to the point that I refer to as the "fluff'.
The window treatments and the prints on the wall etc.

I forgot to take before pictures. I remembered when we had already torn out the carpet and border and by then it was in total disarray with the bottom half of the walls primed. So I have almost before pics and now mid-way through....waiting for the after pic and I will post it for ya'll to see.

In the mean time I am working my husband to exhaustion. He told me Sunday night that he was looking forward to going to work on Monday to relax. That made me laugh.
Ya gotta love a man who spoils you!

What a Croc

I have resisted the shoe called Croc's admantely for a several years.
They belong in a catagory of ugly that there isn't even a name for as yet.
They are, however small, a bit better looking than a Birchenstock sandal.

There is nothing uglier than a woman in a birchenstock sandal. Nothing. Period. End of sentence. There is no agrument.
They make you look like you have flat feet and cankles. Who wants cankles?
Then add them with socks.....and well my head could just about explode.

When I lived in Seattle that is all you saw on men and women. Women tend to be schleppy in Seattle anyway and fashion forward is not their thing. But to me those ugly ole Birchenstock sandals were like nails on a chalkboard and I vowed I would never be caught dead in them.
In Seattle there was another phenomenon....birchenstocks and socks. Yes that is correct. Now you all know you have an Uncle out there wearing his plaid bermuda shorts with his black socks and a pair of sandals and you cringe when he shows up wearing that look at the family picnic. Well in Seattle there are a million Uncle Bob's & Aunt Judy's wearing that look out and about-wearing socks with their birchenstocks. I say, "put on a pair of shoes people" I mean isn't that why you wear sandals to let the tootsies "breathe?"

When I moved back east I was relieved to find that those sandals were not out in public in the same way as they were in Seattle. Women here were more into their Prada, Nine West, Farragamo shoes and were much more concerned with fashion than comfort. You'd be hard pressed to find any woman wearing socks with sandals and only an occasional Uncle at your family picnic would a man show up like that. Think Carrie from Sex in The City - she wouldn't be caught dead in a pair of birchenstocks let alone with socks, thank you very much. I felt the same way.

Then it happened a new revolution of plastic took over the world. CROCS.
I saw them on chef's on the food network. I saw them everywhere they began to take over the world. They were on adults of all ages, sizes, and demographics. Women who were lovely and dressed well....not just the schleppy. Kids of all ages in colorful plastic shoes and with jibbitz.
I could not understand the appeal. They looked as though you had on flippers at the end of your feet. They made them look so wide. And wouldn't they make your feet sweat and smell with all that plastic?

I was in the lobby of a very nice hotel in Chicago last summer when a gorgeous woman sat down next to me to wait for her party. She had on a pair of colorful Crocs. I just had to ask.
"Excuse me do those make your feet sweat? They look like they would."
She laughed and looked at me and said, "No, you'd think so wouldn't you? They are the ugliest damn shoes I've ever seen but they are the most comfortable shoes I have ever owned and they are great for walking around the city." She continued with, "I rebeled when all my friends were wearing them and I never thought I would be the type of person sitting here telling you to buy them because you will be surprised." And off she went to tour the city in her comfortable shoes. I got a blister and an infection so who was the fool?

While at the lake I saw them all lined up in all their colorful glory in one of my favorite stores.
I was mesmorized by the bright colors or maybe something hit me over the head. Whatever it was something else took over me. I picked them up and tried them on. Hmmm....not bad. The woman next to me said, "they are as comfortable as they are ugly....and they float."
Hmmm....
So I picked up a red pair and bought them.

When I got home my husband looked at my feet and said, "What in the hell are you wearing? And more importantly what did you do with my wife?"
Ha! "They float" I said. He laughed so hard he had to sit down.
He said, "They really are ugly and they make your legs look squatty." I said is "squatty" even a word? And besides I'm only 5'1"1/2 how long can my legs really look?"
So now I'm defending these ugly comfortable shoes....go figure. (What next voting for McBush?)

I wore them on the boat. I wore them in the water as water shoes. ( and she's right they do float)
I have worn them while gardening. I have worn them while washing the car. I do not wear them in public per se. I do not shop in them & I have not worn them with socks.
I admit they are the most comfortable shoes ever. So what did I do this summer? I bought Croc flip flops. OMG! Yes, I have seen the light. I am now ONE OF THOSE.

They now have a line of YouCrocs. Oh. My. God. They are fashionable shoes that are crocs where they need to be....inside. High heels with extra cushioning on the balls of your feet and heel. Boots, shoes and all things pretty with high heels. I am in love. These I will wear in public.

So I have seen the light. I am a reformed ugly shoe wearer.
But I will never ever wear socks with sandals.

YA GOTTA LOVE THIS STUFF

PLEASE WATCH THIS.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1lCMH8rlHE

Vacation Hangover

It took us both 3 full days to get into “vacation mode”. To learn to relax, not worry about work, to just be able to sit and be still without moving all the time at break neck speed.
Now leaving “vacation mode” is just as difficult. What do you mean I can't have a gin & tonic at 11am?

Here is what I learned on my summer vacation.

1. I am selfish in my part on global warming
2. I can never ever retire completely
3. I can drink at any hour of the day.

#1 - The lake water is way down. There are people who no longer have water at the end of their docks. Thankfully we don’t fall into that category. There have been water restrictions this summer and they are in dire need of rain in that part of the country. Did that stop me from whining about the much needed rain all week while hurricane/tropical storm Fay sat over my house? NO. I complained about my lack of tan, boating and sunning. Spoiled brat that I am.

#2 & #3 - I realized that not having anything to do for several days is not good for me. We caught up on much needed sleep and after that it was like now what? I guess those that have called me a type A personality may have been partially correct. I like to be doing something. I like structure and very well see now that I need it or else I am doing things that aren’t necessarily good for me. I realized that if that is what retirement is going to look like then I am headed for AA and a fat farm during my golden years.

I did read 2 books, I took rum naps, I played cards, I ate too much junk and I watched too much TV & laughed a helluva lot with my husband. Literally fits of giggles on any given afternoon. Could have been the pina colada’s or the strawberry daiquiri’s that my husband makes that are so incredibly strong but yummy…..but who cares it was a riot! We ate more than normal too because we were stuck in the house all the time. Here was a typical day while it was raining cats and dogs…..Breakfast on the deck with our favorite coffee. Then at 11am my husband would ask if I wanted a drink? “Didn’t we just have breakfast I’d ask?” He’d responded with, “So? Do you have anywhere you have to be?” Well, damn good point & no I don’t mister so pour me a stiff one pronto. (Boy I’m easy) But 2pm I’d be shit faced and hungry as hell. Did we make healthy lunches then? Hell No.. We would eat junk food like my famous spicy homemade popcorn (no nuked shit for me!) which must be eaten with a cold beverage, beer or gin are very good with this food. Then of course a drunken nap in the hammock while listening to the rain was in order. (screened in area) Then when we woke up we’d begin the process all over again.

See what I mean? I will have to continue to work just so I am not an old retired fat drunk!

VACATION TIME BABY!

Something Good about Growing Old

I have a lot of close friends and family who are having milestone birthdays.

All are dealing differently. It is so interesting to observe.

Perhaps it depends on the actual milestone.
Some of these milestone have had me partying and some have had me a bit depressed.....but always partying.
This past few months I have had friends and family turning 30, 40 and 50.
The 30 year old made me chuckle at her depression over being 30. I thought back to my 30th and I don't recall being upset at all. In fact I loved it. I felt very grown up. I was no longer in my 20's and I really thought people would see that as an adult and what I said held more weight. What I do remember was the trauma of turning 31. 31 to me was well.....OVER 30. I thought that sounded horrible. 31 to me was that next box up on a survey asking your age range. For some reason 31 was a kick in the ass more for me than 30 ever was.

My last milestone birthday made me reevaluate what I wanted to do for the last half of my life.
What I had been doing for the last 20 something years was no longer gratifying.
I admit I stayed longer than I wanted because the money was intoxicating.
So I am much poorer, but oh so much happier. (albeit my grumpy blogs) :-)

I have a young friend who is in another country right now for work. She has been there for months and she is so homesick and so missing her husband. Even in her IM's to me I hear her pain. But that is the price one pays for climbing the corporate ladder. She's at the beginning of her career and this is what one must do to achieve what she is hoping to achieve. It has now begun to make her physically ill. She gets knots in her stomach and stomach pains, headaches and stress in her shoulders. She told me via email today that she can't imagine having to do this for the next 20 yrs like I did. I had those symptoms and more but it took me until the end of my career - she's already there.

I could so relate but I wasn't sure what the hell to tell her so I just listened until she asked again.
I could only tell her my experience. If you are that miserable then look for work elsewhere. But if you like the job but not the climbing of the ladder then by all means talk to your supervisor. Maybe she can move to a different department but sometimes once you tell them you don't want to do what it takes to climb they find a way to fire you. They think you aren't a team player and all the other corporate bullshit. Because of that I think looking for work else where may be the ticket for her. But I told her to not make any desicisions while she is homesick. She'll remember how this all feels when she gets home and then reevaluate what you want your career to look like. Who knows it could be all the gross food, the 12 hour time difference from her family and friends and missing her spouse. Once she's home it could all be better.

When my husband and I were in the middle of our careers we both traveled a great deal. We both worked from home offices when not on the road. Sadly we weren't in our home offices at the same time very often. But we loved our careers.

I remember a time after a month of constant traveling when I called my husband's cell and asked him what city he was in because I couldn't remember anymore. He told me the city and then he admitted he couldn't remember where I was either and asked, "hey when will you be home again?". We commiserated that evening while eating our room service dinner together on the phone....but then back to our laptops and working all night and the reality of it all. It sucked.
It was the beginning of the end so to speak. The shine was beginning to wear off at this point in my career. But I pushed it aside and plowed ahead.....for another year or two anyway.

One trip I was on I woke up in the wee hours of the morning because I had to go to the bathroom. In a groggy stae of mind as I'm pee'ing I am trying to remember where I am. Manhattan? Minnepolis? Nebraska? I left the bathroom and proceeded to look at the placard on the back of my hotel room door looking for the city name posted. It wasn't there. It only told me I was in a Marriott and how to get out of the room in case of fire. For some reason I began to panic. I looked out the window to see pitch black and realized I wasn't in Manhattan but where the hell was I? I clearly remember going through my trip in my head and the city remained blank to me and I was so scared. What the hell was going on with me? I mean to tell you I was in full blown panic mode now. I put on the TV hoping to see news of some sort naming the city I was in. While the TV was on I went into my briefcase looking for my itinerary. I was fumbling around through papers with my heart pounding and then I found it....I was in Albany, NY. Aaah, I felt so much better. I could go back to sleep now. I turned off the TV and fell back to sleep immediately. What a weird feeling that was and one I will never forget. That was sort of the beginning of the end for me. It was time to make some changes. Sometimes I think that was a nudge from above to put the wheels in motion.

I now like being home, at one with my stuff.
I like seeing my husband every day.
I like not having to sit in airports or train stations. (or I should say being delayed all the time)
I like sleeping in my own bed with my favorite pillow.
I like not having to wear heels all the time.
I like not having to eat out all the time.
I like not having to be dressed up all the time.
I like not having to play corporate bullshit games.

I will admit I do sorely miss Manhattan. (my main territory)
I do miss the money.
I do miss the camaraderie of my work friends.
But would that be enough to go back? No, I'll be just fine working from home, seeing the old man every day and not wearing shoes very often.

Hey, don't tell Oprah but I think I found something good about being in my 50's!! :-)

This is truly a part of old age that is fitting me very well.

Weekly Random Thoughts

Olympics. Olympics. Olympics.
There are 100 channels of Olympic games on with various sports on all of the different channels. And honestly not a lot of games I care about. Beach volleyball is not an Olympic-caliber sport. Hot tanned chicks in bikinis leaping around while music is playing is a Cinemax movie at 3 a.m., not a sport. (hubby even agrees)
Did you all see the guy who ran up the bleachers after he and his team mate won in beach volley ball? He got to the top and stood under his flag of Georgia and honestly it looked like he had a boner. I guess he was very excited about this win! My husband and I couldn't stop laughing....we even rewound to see if what we saw was for real. God, we really are bored and immature aren't we? God help us until fall televison programming is on.

My Yankees are R.I.P. for the rest of the season. Sigh.

I am in vacation count down mode...4 more days.

I bought an in home bikini wax kit. I think this may be a huge mistake but I'm going to give it a try because I would much prefer the privacy of my own home than some Vietnamese woman in my private areas. My husband was looking at directions last night. He found the diagrams of your "bikini" area a hoot. They have pictures of what you might want your "area" to look like. They have a picture of an upside down triangle and they call it " The Traditional." The 2nd picture is of a thin landing strip, referred to as the European. I want to know how they know what the European's vajay jay's look like. Have they done a survey? And can you picture how that survey was done? "ma'am we're taking a survey to see what European women shape their pubic hair to look like or if they take it all off ....could you lift your skirt right here on the street please...it's in the interest of science and polling purposes?"

UPS is now refusing to refund my money for the overnight package that didn't get there overnight. How do we all tolerate such horrific service and keep these companies in business?

Are the elections over yet? Please. I can't take any more McCain and Obama commercials. Sadly the best commercial was Paris Hilton's rebuttal to John McCain. As I said before in this blog it's a sad state of affairs when her energy plan is the best one out there.

Have I mentioned that I can't wait for vacation?

Olympic OD'ing

I have been watching the Olympics like most of America. Truth be told I am sick of them now. Sure I enjoyed watching Michael Phelps kick ass and Daria do her thing. I enjoy gymnastics too but overall I'm bored to tears now. Equestrian...really?

But there is nothing else on TV. Although I have to admit I found a delightful 30th anniversary show on the movie Animal House. It was a hoot and a great diversion from the Olympics.
Actually I think it could be touted as the complete 180 of the Olympics. No discipline, no rules, no structure and lots of excess! I loved that movie and I quote to this day one of my favorite lines from there all the time. "7 years of college down the drain"
The anniversary show had a lot of behind the scene information and film and it had me laughing out loud. (which made my husband downstairs jealous because the olympics were not fun or funny)

I got a call Saturday night that my package was delivered that late afternoon. The box had a big orange sticker on it that said SATURDAY. However my mom told me the next day air sticker was on there too which read - Friday, August 15th by 10:30a.m. Needless to say my niece did not receive her package. Enough said.

We leave for a week's vacation this Saturday morning and I can't wait.
So pictures will follow I am sure.

Guaranteed Delivery My Ass!

Where oh where has the service gone I ask yet again.

I went to UPS yesterday morning to have a package sent to my neice prior to her leaving for her first year of college on Saturday morning. I thought she was leaving the following week and when I found out she was leaving this Saturday I headed off to the UPS counter. Not a UPS store, the actual UPS shipping site and went into their counter.

I sent this package yesterday to Erie Pennsylvania from here in the DC metro area.
I paid $46.48 to have it be delivered by 10:30a.m. August 15th - today!

The woman behind the counter was a sight to behold with a quick attitude. Flaming sparkly deep pink nails...some of which were grossly long and some of which were gnawed to the quick. She had fried yellow orange hair with black roots and she looked as my husband likes to say, "ridden hard and put away wet" When I got to her counter I asked about all the choices that were listed behind her on the wall that I could choose for overnight service. She was a woman in her 50's and not as helpful as I would have liked and a bit surprised that she had such a slacker attitude but she did answer all my questions, even if she was snippy. When I asked her the 2nd time, "Are you sure this will be there by 10:30am tomorrow?" she responded with, "Honey, that's what guaranteed by 10:30am means." (said like I was a dumb ass & truth be told I understood her sarcasm, but I was a bit nervous) I laughed and said, "duh! I'm sorry I just really want it to be there by 10:30a.m." and she promised it would be.
She stated that the "saver" could be there anytime during the 15th but that me choosing "guaranteed" meant it was going to be there by 10:30a.m. and it was indeed guaranteed.

I told her that was my choice and I coughed up the money. I received a shipment receipt and she pointed out on the receipt my tracking number and information. I looked it over and all information was correct. I thanked her and was on my way. That was 10am. yesterday morning.

As I write this it is 5:30p.m. on August 15th and my niece has not received it. Surprise!
I went online to the UPS website to track my package this morning at 9:30a.m. I figured I might be able to see it's route and how far away it was from my nieces's little hands. The website said that it could not be found? HUH? The following occured in this order.

1. I called the 800# and told them the problem and she told me there was nothing she could do about it because it looked like it never got sent from here. She hung up. No, "I'm sorry Ms. Customer." Nothing but hung up on me.
2. I called back and got a nice young man and repeated my story. To which he calmly told me there really wasn't anything he could do until it was missing for 24 hrs. Sort of like a missing person. No one will help you unless their body is cold. I asked him if there was a phone number to my local UPS office from where I dropped it off and he said NO. (yeah right) I asked if he could contact them. (Once again why the hell am I making suggestions why isn't he suggesting some form of assistance to me the put upon customer?) He said he could send the shipping office an email and have them call me. I thanked him and respeated the phone number to call me at work.
3. UPS calls me and unfortunately I was on the phone with a customer so it went into voicemail. The UPS representative said the package left their office last night and it's not their problem. (see steam coming out of my ears at this point!) NOT HER PROBLEM? SHE IS UPS THIS.IS.HER.PROBLEM! She told me to call the 800# and tell them to contact the hub in Erie PA.
4. I called the 800# yet again and the snippy little twerp that answered told me she had no way of contacting Erie. I was so angry at this point I could have exploded but I know that I'll get further with honey than piss and vinegar so I calmly ask her why she can't when they did this for me earlier? She laughs and then all I hear is click along with my head exploding of course.
5. I walk away from the phone to cool down.
6. I am calmer within 30 minutes so I again call the 800# and get a nice young man who I have to tell the whole fucking story to yet again from the beginning. He says he will contact Erie by sending them a message to see what he can find out but it's highly unlikely that they will respond. (Oh lovely.) He then tells me that you know just because it's says guaranteed doesn't mean it's really guaranteed. I suggested he not tell his customers this because it will make them angry since they have to pay almost $50.00 for pretend guaranteed delivery. And he tells me and I quote, "it is what it is" unquote. I suggest they may want to put that on their signs.
7. At 3pm I call the 800# again. I tell a the young girl the situation and if she could give me an update. Her response was there is nothing we can do so just sit tight it will show up eventually and if I want I can call back on Monday and see if they found it. I said that I would like to suggest that instead of being so cavaliar about her customers concern for not only the loss of a $500 package & the fact the the promise was not kept, she could at least try to fein concern and empathy for the customers situation. Her response to that you ask? "huh?" Yes that is correct that was the only thing this dim wit said to me. I guess that was more than here little brain could digest. I was so exhausted at this point I just said good bye.
8. I called at 5:00p.m. I started by saying that I was not angry at him but if I sounded a bit angry it was because of this situation. (remember I am trying to be kind because it is not his fault but every bone in my body wants to hurt someone) I then went through this yet again from the beginning with a very nice young man who explained to me that he could not put in a tracer until the package was missing for 1 day. At 12:01a.m. on August 16th I could call the 800# and put in a tracer and at that point I could also ask for a refund for my overnight shipping. Now mind you this is the first time I have been told any of this shit. I was about to kiss the guy. I am so happy for this nipple of information and his "service" that I am thrilled that he is giving me information and pretending that he gives a shit that I am not even thinking about the actual loss of it all. He also told me that the loss of the package and it's contents were a whole other matter which I would have to take up with the agent at that time I call in for the tracer. He was so nice he talked me off the ledge. Now that is what I wanted all along, pretending you give a shit, give me facts and a plan. God Damn it how hard is that? Apparently for UPS employee's this is difficult.

Now here I sit at 5:50p.m. and my niece tells me there is no package. She will be leaving in the morning and her gifts will not have arrived. My husband and I put a lot of thought into this gift. My husband wrote her a poem that was heartfelt and so lovely it made me cry. He has always done these silly poems for her since she was a kid and it always made her giggle. When she got old enough to read he would write them to her. We did not make copies of the two of them. We were stupid. Each poem was attached to each gift he sent her - they were a matched set so to speak. My gift was gift cards and a check along with a book. She said she really needed money and I got that. So the gift cards can get some fun things while away and the money can be for books etc. I know an 18 yr old off to school is always in need of money! So now she will have none of this.

Is there a sign over my head that says, "give me poor customer service"? Am I so jaded to think that there is no damn such thing as service anymore?
My husband called into the office and asked how my day was going and when Itold him his only response was, " Margaret I love that you are so surprised that this happened and maybe try Fed Ex next time" Like that is going to help. I am sure they are no different than the boys in Brown.