Chatty Cathy has been Silenced

So I have laryngitis.
But you think I'm gonna stop talking now?
Ha, that's why I have a blog silly. I can talk without you hearing me.

I am feeling a bit better, thank you for asking. 
But not great by any means.
That means a Thanksgiving in my PJ's and eating ice chips.
YIPEE.
I am not a thanksgiving food's biggest fan so that doesn't bother me.
But feeling this way sure does.

While I lie on the sofa staring listlessly at the television a few of these things have come to my mind over this holiday.

1. I LOATHE a parade. Always have &  always will. The fascination of people walking down the street never ceases to amaze me. As a kid I didn't enjoy it either. I didn't get it.  Still don't.  No Macy's day parade for me. No siree.

2. I LOATHE football as much as a parade. So I am thankful for all the movie stations and on demand that will allow me to watch tv while I blow my nose, cough, sneeze and have general malaise.

3. I am thankful for all the drugs I have on my coffee table right now. None seem to be working all that well I'm still a mess. But I admit this drug induced fog is more pleasant than most days.

4. I am thankful for a day off from having to talk and be so damn nice to people. 

5. I am so very thankful it is not snowing here. We do not have to shovel all this rain!

6. I am thankful for my friends and family who keep in touch via email and phone calls and texts. I heard from my niece last night. Damn she's so cute. It was so nice to hear from her.

7. I will be boycotting Christmas again this year. I will go to sleep on the 1st of Dec and wake up on my anniversary the 31st.  

8. I am thankful that wine is not gluten and mixes well with cough syrup.  (just kidding, kind of)

9.  People's sexiest man alive, Adam Levine is cute in a girlish man wearing skinny jeans kind of way. But not in a manly studly sexiest man alive way.  Jeez. Men don't (should never)  wear skinny jeans. There is no debating this people.   Besides men should weigh more than the women they date/live with/marry/harass/boink...Men should never ever borrow your clothes. You can borrow their clothes,  but it should never be the other way around. 

10. I hate being asked to play games on facebook so stop asking me!!  C'mon seriously if you know me you know I am not a video game playing old broad. 

11. Husband needs to learn I am never wrong, sometimes less right, but never ever wrong. He would suffer so much less if he would come to gripes with this fact.

12. I am looking forward to seeing Garth Brooks special on Friday. I know, I am not a big country music fan but I like Garth Brooks. Go figure. 

13. I'm thankful for all of you who come by and see me now and then here at Straight Up No Chaser. Thanks a bunch! I really appreciate your comments as well as you taking time out of your day by stopping by my little piece of the world. 

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving, just like you want it to be!!

DIY Project That Went Amok

In my tiny little foyer there was a hall/coat tree.
It held everything and more.

In the bottom which opened it held umbrella's, sidewalk salt for winter, doggy poop bags, shamwow for when the dog comes in wet, boots, trakkers for ice etc.
The coats and caps were all over the hooks. It always looked messy all the time.
It only made it look like I didn't have enough closet space - and I don't!

The hall closet is so damn small that it only holds a couple of coats. 
It also has weird angles in the closet so that cuts into space as well.

So when going out to walk the dog you could just grab your coat and go with this hall tree. Convenient but messy looking. The convenience outweighed the mess for 12 years. 
Then I just couldn't take it anymore. But I'm also broke so I couldn't buy anything nice either.

So what's a gal to do?
After I painted all the downstairs doors and put on new door knobs and hinges I put in racks on the inside of the doors. Those held a great deal of things that were in the bottom of the hall tree. I then cleaned out the teeny tiny little closet and got as many coats in there as I could without stuffing them.  Now I just needed something for the foyer that held all our stuff and still looked less messy.  Hard to be creative when broke and one lives in a small place. (actually 2200 sq ft isn't really all that small but it's small on storage for sure!)

I sat down and determined what I needed up there. Someplace for our keys.
Quick access to our hats, scarves, gloves, trakkers and dog things.  
So I bought a cheap piece of IKEA furniture unfinished. I painted it black and I decoupaged maps on the front of the drawers. I removed the door handles that came with the dresser and put on glass knobs.

Now each drawer is assigned it's duty. 
Example is the top left drawer is all Izzy all the time. Her chuck -it, her poop bags, her sham wow, etc. The top right is all Rick. I put in canvas boxes and divided things for Rick. 
Anything I can do to organize it for Rick is a helpful thing for me. (wink wink)
I continued down the dresser. It holds all things and more. 
I was loving the storage aspect of this.  The look well....not so much.

The bowl on the top made by my step daughter holds our keys. We have a beautiufully hand carved box that I bought at the Issaquah Salmon Day Festival that holds our sunglasses. 
We have a beautiful vase made of several different woods endemic to Jamaica. The picture above the dresser is a pen and ink drawing of the Flagship Niagara from the battle of Lake Erie.  There is even a funny wire piece of art you may be able to see in the pic. We got this piece at an art show because it made us laugh. It is of a man and a woman in a canoe and they have run themselves onto a rock.  Since this has happened to Rick and I we fell in love with this piece and had to buy it.  We have a very funny story that went with it and we couldn't leave without buying it. For the life of us we can't recall what city we bought this though. 
Bottom line is this was all done to house things from our travels and where we've lived as well as the maps to tie it all in.  And holding all our stuff neatly was a bonus.

It didn't turn out as well as I had hoped, in fact I don't like it much. But it will do for now. 
It's better than all those coats and hats all strewn about in my foyer. I just thought it was awful to see that hot mess when you walked into my home. I admit I miss it already because of the convenience but I don't miss the mess.

I did this all for $149. Not bad huh? I had the maps. I had the decoupage things necessary. So all I bought was the dresser, paint, and the knobs. 

My new life of living on a budget sucks but I am finding ways to be creative. 
Not loving it but one does what one has to do.  It won't be there for 12 yrs like the other furniture but for the time being it will be okay.

I put the hall tree in the dining room and proceeded to try to sell it. Oh my. 
Craig's List is every nut job known to man kind. Then I did our community's face book page and people didn't show up when they said they would.  It was all a royal pain in the arse. Finally I called a friend and said, "You want it? Come and get it  - just get it out of my house by Thanksgiving and it's free!" Finally got rid of it this past weekend. 
I knew she would like "free. " She's a frugal gal.

So this is my DIY that went amok. It is far neater though and I do like neat better than cluttered. But it's not what I wanted it to be. 

 Now if only we would stop taking off our shoes and leaving them here that too would look better. But the dog can stay, she's cute.

 These are the two items on the top left corner of the hall table/dresser- my blogger buddy Jenny made these. I have a few of her pieces. Most are very colorful these just happen to both be dark.But I love what they say.  Go check out her site. She has some great works.

Fun Times at the ER

Oh the fun weekend we have had at our house.

If you plan to visit may I suggest a hazmat suit.
Or just stay away for your own good.

I have been fighting this "thing" for a month.
I really thought it was allergies.
But Friday it was so bad that I just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up.
However I couldn't sleep because I couldn't stop coughing.
If I lay down it is so much worse. So no sleep for me.

My body hurts all over.
My head feels like a basketball, my eyes are tearing all the time, my ears hurt, my neck hurts, the headache is mind numbing, my throat is so sore that I think the proper term is raw and if that isn't enough my eyes are puffy and  my teeth hurt. WTH?

But been plugging through. Sudafed helps but I don't want to take it because it does counter act my thyroid medication. So I haven't been taking it a lot. Besides it only takes the edge off it doesn't make me feel great.

Last week Rick said his toe was hurting him. I said, "is it the gout pain? should you start your regimen now?"  He said, "No I don't think that its gout this time. It feels different this time."
You see he has gout in his big toe on his right foot. When he gets the tingling feeling start he begins this regimen 1 tsp of baking soda and water every 1/2 hour. Also he begins eating cherries. Oh he eats cherries. He also spends a lot of time in the bathroom. But it stops the gout from coming on full blown and within 24-48 hrs it is gone.

I suggested he start the regimen just in case it is gout. We have cherries frozen just for this occasion. He said no. Guess who has a full blown painful case of gout. It is so bad he can't get his foot into a shoe.  It is so bad this time for the first time of his life it has moved up his leg to make his ankle double in size. Walking is pure torture. He has never had it this bad before because he does his regimen.

Rick is a bad patient. Oh my is he a pain in the ass when he has pain or feels badly. I feel terrible but I don't act like he does. I think this is a man/woman thing. We feel like shit and keep on truckin'. I still do laundry, work, walk the dog, cook, clean up etc. He whines. He moans. He whines some more. Honestly men are such babies. I do realize that gout is a real MF as his doctor termed it.
But honestly he's a pain in the ass with a hang nail.

Saturday I suggested since our doctor is on vacation to go to urgent care or the new ER a few blocks from our home. He said, "no, I'm dealing with this"  No mister you aren't and it's starting to kill me.
But I say nothing and hope it gets better so he doesn't end up in the ER because I hurt him.

Sunday he wakes to it being larger and worse. He is fragile and I take advantage of him and tell him to go to the ER. He does just that. No arguments, he just goes. Finally.
They gave him a couple of shots and an assortment of medications and sent him home.

He came home to a coughing wife who he so kindly told, "You look horrible."
Thanks honey, let me step on your foot.

As the day went on the coughing was worse. I decided to eat some frozen grapes because I was hungry and everything else hurt. The cold grapes sounded good. I actually 'burned' the roof of my mouth from the frozen grapes. Great! So now everything hurt to eat  - my throat and the roof of my mouth. I smashed ice and just sucked on ice. yipee.

At one point I was coughing and hacking so much that Rick told me to go the ER. I said, "I am not an emergency I'll call the dr.'s office tomorrow."  He nagged until I went.
I have strep throat, sinusitis, and of course this cough. Great.
I have antiboditics and cough medicine that the dr. tells me will knock me out and stop the coughing.
That actually sounds good about now.

I left the dr's and headed to Walgreens. I sat there and waited for all my Rx's when a family came in for a flu shot. The pharmacist told him it would be 15 minutes because he had to fill some rx's first.
They said okay. The mom sat down and pulled out her phone. She never took her eyes off her phone.
Her 3 bratty loud sons took over the whole pharmacy area. They were on the floor with cars, throwing them across the floor and causing others to have to stop or walk over them. At one point they had their car go into an aisle as an older woman was walking. If the person she was with had not grabbed her arm she would have fallen. The mother never looked up or away from her phone.The father had yelled at them once and one of the kids kicked him. He got up and left. I never saw him again. The mom never looked up from her phone.
When the one child hit me the third time I told him that this was not the place to play with his cars. He stuck his tongue out at me.  These kids proceeded to knock over a display in the waiting area, the mother never looked away from her phone. They climbed over it and threw their cars into the mess they made. They just took over and were brats.

Finally my name was called and I went to check out. The woman checking me out made a comment about the brats. I said, "Oh I think they are what we call birth control." She said, "I'd like to go over and rip that phone out of their mothers hand"  I laughed and said, "I would pay to see that!"
She and I laughed and I walked over the brats and left the store.

I told Rick this story when I got home and he said, 'well perhaps the karma will be that mom will get what you have" That made me laugh. But I think it's worse for her if her kids have it, she may have to put down her damn phone and be a mom.
______________________________

Since I wrote the above post I now have laryngitis. Lovely for a person who answers the phones all day. Rick left an office voicemail stating I had this and to email me at the following.....so no rest for the self employed.

Late Nite

We in our household are the only people who have never read or seen the Hunger Games.
But we have seen this girl on interviews and we both just think she's a spit fire.
I adore her. Rick made a comment and I yelled, "she's younger than your daughter old man."
He even went, "Eww"
She keeps Letterman on his toes and makes him laugh. 
Most bore him to death and you can see the difference in him with her. 

I also covet that hair cut!!

 
She's great here with Jon Stewart too.

The Daily Show
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,The Daily Show on Facebook

Say It Ain't So!

As  I type this I read where the FCC is contemplating relaxing their cell phone usage on planes.  OMG that is such an horrific idea to me. Relaxing this law will make flying all the more unbearable to me and I believe most people.

Do you know why I didn't fly to NYC weekly for work, but took the train instead? 
FOR QUIET AND CALM!!  It took the same amount of time so why not arrive calm and not angry with people who behave like those with no social manners?

I don't like to see the under dressed and stupid in the airport. 
Shoes? Why do I have to take my shoes off?  they whine (Been living in a cave Barbie?)
I don't want to see your boyfriends underpants below his ass or try to figure out why 1/2 the plane is in pajamas in public. (your flight attendant notices and treats you accordingly and don't think for a minute they don't!) No, not fun for this cranky old broad.

As I have bemoaned many times here that I don't give a shit about your conversation about your mother in law, your dating life, your sex life or your shitty boss. I used to have to listen to this crap all the time even on a train. People would talk louder while in a tunnel for heaven's sake. I heard it all and I hated every damn minute of it. 

Then Amtrak came up with the Quiet Car - NO CELL PHONES OR LOUD GAMES ETC.
Even talking loudly would get your booted from the car. Angels sang. Peggy did a happy dance. It was wonderful!!  It was so popular when they allowed us to board you would see grown men and women in suits RUNNING to get a seat on this car.

Because this car was the first one to fill up, you had to run to get a seat on the quiet car. 
We'd make our stops in Philly and people would moan that there were no seats in the Quiet Car. I never made eye contact because honestly I would have felt terrible. 
I felt their pain but wasn't giving up my seat.  
I loved that I was the first city on and leaving NY I was the first city on.
So I always RAN for the Quiet Car....in heels. I'd do whatever it took.  To me it was priceless. 
I would have paid more for a seat in that car. You could still use your laptop/tablet, just use your ear buds. Simple. No one else was polluting my space with their drama.

You don't know how loud everyone on the phone can be until you are sitting there on a train car and listening to all the chatter, yelling, laughing etc. It's not fun. Because the minority was you who wasn't on a phone. The rest all thought this was call everyone they knew time.

So now the wise people at the FCC think having everyone packed in like sardines, the drunks, people with screaming children, the fat guy next to you clipping his toenails isn't bad enough.   Oh now let's make flying a real treat. Let's add phone conversation to the mix .
Oh yeah smart idea FCC. 

You know the flight attendants will just end up being referees. 
I can't imagine a single sane flight attendant thinking this is a good idea.
There is no way in hell they will need their current uniforms. 
They should just wear black and white strip shirts and have whistles because they will be doing nothing but stopping the yelling at one another and preventing punches being thrown and women screaming at one another. You know someone will ask nicely, to please keep it down and the next thing you know a bad behavior only seen on reality shows will ensue.

Honestly if you can't keep off your damn phone while in the air then you have more problems that a lay person can help you with. Get a shrink and try to figure out why this is so difficult for you. Why can't you have a few hours of silence? Watch a movie on your tablet or the plane, read a book, look out the window. Just live in the moment. And if you can't live in the moment tell every one on facebook what the hell you're doing since you need to be connected. It's at least quiet.

I predict this is going to change the way we travel, but not in a good way.

Flashback Friday (2009)

 The landscape is changing 'round here.

Rick's buddy is moving to another town.

They met walking their perspective dogs. Honestly that seems to be how we meet most people. They aren't going far but won't be just a block away.

You see Joe no longer has the dog. The dog was their baby. Now their human baby arrived and a 2nd within less than a year later and now this dog was not happy. So ole Winston was given to a loving home and Rick sees less of Joe now. He is busy, busy, busy. Kids kids kids. No more walks with Rick. My poor big man.

Over time he has helped Rick with some international law and tax information that we have needed. International he tells us is a red flag for being audited. They see overseas monies being transferred into your account and BAM – you’re in an audit.  Great. But we needed to know all he has been telling us so while we don’t like it, it is necessary to know. He's a great friend.

Joe owns his own accounting firm, cpa, whatever. 

He is the man with the answers as Rick  likes to say.

These young people are the nicest people you'd ever want to meet.

Rick is sad that they are moving but certainly understands.

With their growing family they need a bigger home. So off to the burbs they go. Even further SW than we are. They will be missed around here! Especially by Rick.

So in honor of Joe and Rick here is my Friday Flashback from 2009. I heard all this while sitting at my desk which faces the front window of the house. They were underneath my window on the side walk having this crazy conversation that just made me giggle and of course write it down so I could share it with everyone.

Wow 6 years ago already... how time flies!

__________________________________________

FRIDAY, AUGUST 7, 2009

Bromance a Brewin'

My husband has met this man while walking the dog. His dog is the cutest dog named Winston. Winston sort of reminds me of Ernst Borgnine. Like this one….

Big macho men no less. Both big in stature, over 6’2” and over 200lbs. 
Neither have that metro sexual look like this.

My husband is walking Izzy in his crocs that look like a pair of slip on canvas loafers.
These are the shoes.



The exchange goes like this.....
Winston’s owner says, “hey those are great shoes.”

Rick says, “Yep they are so comfortable too, can you believe these are Crocs?" 

"Get out, really? "

"Yea, I know I thought Crocs only came in those ugly plastic kids shoe.""Me too. Where did you buy these? "

"Online. Actually my wife got them for me – she knew I would love the croc insert and she was right. She loves her croc flip flops and they sent her a coupon via email. These are not like wearing shoes at all man."

"Do they come in other colors?"

"Oh yea, other colors and styles. They have a lot of shoes that aren’t those ugly plastic things."

"I have to check into those. Online you say?"

"Yep online - just google it. Like I said my wife did it." 

"We should get together some time over a couple of beers."

"Yea that sounds great! "

"Great and then maybe you can tell me where you got your hair cut."

Okay the last line I just made up, because seriously this whole thing is so funny to me.

But the rest of this is the real deal - I mean seriously who could make this shit up?

I met his (child bride) wife while this was going on.

She seems very nice but very young. She is a school counselor.

She looks like she is still in high school herself. 

So looks like we’ll be getting together the 4 of us to throw back a few and to discuss my husband shoes.

Which I might add I bought without him knowing and made him try them on.

Now I can’t get them off him! Gee maybe Crocs could have him do a commercial for them.

Oh this whole thing just makes me smile.

Babies

You know how you hold a new baby and it has that new baby smell?
Hmmm......I love that smell. 
The smell of youth.

My next door neighbor just had a baby. 
The baby doesn't smell new. He smells like a closed up old bar.

They all smoke. The in-laws are here and they all smoke.
They do smoke outside but yet when I held the baby all I smelled was smoke.
It rather surprised me.
I didn't get the euphoric high from smelling a baby's head. 

How weird and sad is that?

Nylons.

When I was 10 my mom got sick.
By the time I was 13 she had died.

I remember more of those 3 years of her illness sometimes more than I do before she was ill.  Weird isn't it?

As I have aged there have been so many things I wish I could ask her.
From the simple like, "What made you so interested in music and books?"
To all the things a girls wants to talk to her mom about, boys, dating, life, being a woman etc.

I got a new mom and while she is great, her parenting style was very different.
Not bad at all, but I was used to something different and I longed for it. But this was just good in a different way. When you're a kid and you tell your friends this, the first thing they say is, "Oh do you hate your new step mom?"  Almost as though they sure hope so.
So the only way I could make them understand that it wasn't like that for me was to explain it like this. 'To me it's like always eating chocolate chip cookies. you love those cookies! You eat them every day and love 'em. But then you can't have them anymore for the rest of your life, only peanut butter cookies. You like peanut butter cookies but there are just some days when you sure long for those chocolate chip cookies! That is how I used to explain it to my girl friends when I was a teenager. It's was all good, just different.

You see my mom protected us from our dad. Dad made loud proclamations and demands. Most were ridiculous. Mom sure knew they were as well. But being from the generation that she was from she never would disagree with him, at least not to his face or in front of us. She had her tricks to make him think he thought of it most of the time. I'd get a wink wink.

When she really thought he was unreasonable she would talk to me alone about it.
For example. He thought that I should not shave my legs. Absurd really. But he thought that was wrong at my age. I was 12.  There is no way to wrap your head around that one. Trust me I've tried. He made no sense. But his house, his rules.

I was the same height I am now and the same size boobs. I was just thinner.
At 12 I looked 17.
I was going to a recital and wearing what I thought was the best dress ever in the history of dresses. Why Marlo Thomas had one just like it on That Girl!!
Because I looked light years ahead of the age I really was, dressing like a little girl didn't work anymore.
I couldn't wear socks with this outfit, no way no how. No, I must have nylons. If I wear nylons I must shave my legs or the hair will curl like Grandma's and look gross. (although gross was not in our vocabulary back then) My mom understood this and we tried talking to my Dad together. I showed him my dress. I did the song and dance for him.

My father "put his foot down" So that meant end of discussion. I then suggested instead of nylons can I just wear go-go boots?  OMG you would have thought I was Satan. 
Those were the devil to him.
Yes, Go-Go boots were harmful in his little mind in some way which I never understood.

I ran to my room and cried.
The next day after school my mom came to my room while I was changing into my after school clothes (remember when you did that?) 
She said she wanted to talk to me. She sat on the bed and explained why Dad thought the way he did. She said, "I may not agree with him on this one Peggy.  How about we have a little secret. You can't tell Pam (my sister) and tomorrow when no one else is home  I'll teach you how to shave your legs with my razor. No one will be the wiser on this. BUT it must be our secret!

As an adult I realize that her doing this was undermining my fathers authority and how she could get in a real fight with him over this. But my mom had my back on some things that were trivial to the rest of the world and only a big deal to the man with the big bravado.

She did this 2 times in my life with her. She would always preface it with your Dad means well, he just doesn't understand young girls. I"ll work on him don't worry. She did and I got to wear what was called culottes. I was lying in bed and I heard her in the kitchen explaining to him that all the young girls wear them. He didn't care what others wore, his daughter was not wearing those things. I don't want to know what she did to convert him,  but the next day we got to go shopping with my Aunt and buy a pair of culottes. I modeled them for Dad and hugged him for letting me get them.  I can see where he was sitting and wearing to this day. He just made a pff noise and laughed as he hugged me. 

My new mom never defended we girls. She never stood up to Dad for us. She was a bit afraid of my dad when she was a young mom. She listened to him even when she disagreed. So I tended not to share much with her.  I never knew she didn't agree until I was much much older. To me it was like there was no one to stand up for me. I loved this new mom but oh how I missed my mom.

Now I know the truth. My step mom had a big mouth father who ruled the roast just like my father. (those crazy dagos) She had some fear of these man in a way I can't fathom. 
She was only 27 when she married my Dad so she was too young to stand up to him. At least for her, she was too young. I would never have tolerated a man like my father at any age but she was different from me.  Now my step mom has no problem standing up to him but when I was growing up it was difficult for her. And honestly I still don't think she stands up to him, more like ignores him or just acts like he is getting his way.  You do what you have to do to live with people I suppose. Sometimes we make a joke when he will be grumbling about something and she just says, "Yes George" as he walks away she winks at me. So they have learned to work it out in their own way.
I guess that's marriage huh?

What's funny about this is now as an old broad I would do anything to NOT have to wear a pair of hose, culottes or shave my legs. Hmm....is that doing a 180?  God I hope I don't go full circle. 

Updates and Silliness

Some updates or housecleaning as we say.....

**The police received the IP address of the creeps who stole from us and caused the business debit card fraud. Verizon told the police it could take up to 2 weeks to give the location of said IP address. They won't go to the home of the people who's name and address we got until they find the IP address's location and to be sure it is the same. They better hurry because Rick wants to go there with his baseball bat.

**Germany called yesterday regarding our product. 2 things. They saw on the facebook page that Rick mentioned we sold some to Switzerland (parent company) and they said that was fine but to never ever use their name because this will be sold under their name. As of today, he has a company interested but they need a few more tests to complete. They struggled with one test and called to go over all these technical questions with Rick. It was worked out just fine so keep your fingers crossed.  The one company will need 50,000 boxes. 
We are not equipped to do this. They know this. We hope this order could get us some angel investor money because that is a million dollar in sales for just the one division and there are over 100 more in other countries to go. So far so good. Maybe I'll be able to sleep soon.

**Yesterday while telling you about how I admired all these people who had the nerve to get up and shake their groove thang made me think of this video. I want to be be like the old fat dancers in skimpy clothes that just don't give a shit. I'm more like this below I fear. I sure am better as I age but still I want that chutzpah. Maybe when I'm their age and my skin is flapping in one direction and my feet are going in the other I won't give a rats ass either.  I can't wait to get there. 



**I washed my first floor floors and then it rained. I give up. This below oughta work.

** This is how I feel most days. I never used to be like this. What has happened to me? Is this old age?

Dancin' Machine

I don't dance.
Oh sure in the privacy of my own home I dance like a damn fool.
Rick has been known to very often grab me and begin to dance in the kitchen when a song strikes his fancy.
And we dance every year on our anniversary to one of our favorite songs.....and no it's not AC/DC's Shook me all night long.  Although that song will not allow me to sit still.

But I mean slow dancing. Nope, never do it if it can be avoided. 
I am not comfortable with it and I always want to lead.
So dancing is so not my thing. I have two left feet. 
Rick will allow me to fake it if we have to in public but I despise dancing in public.

Last year we are having cocktails with our neighbor and he tells us that he takes dancing classes. We have now over the past year meet some of his dancing "partners" (I think his classes are code for where to get tail at his age!)  We even met his damn cute dancing instructor and owner of the school at his 4th of July picnic.  Really nice people.

Fast Forward to an evening of lots of drinks between he and my hubby and next thing I know Rick says. "Sure we'll go to your recital."
Holy shit. That was all I could think of or say, Holy Shit.

Rick and I don't even like Dancing with The Stars so how did he think he was going to sit through this? He hates all things musical like Les Miserable or Glee or any such thing where people burst into song and dance. So what the hell was he thinking? Or was it more like he wasn't thinking because of the cocktails? Yea, I think it was the latter as well.

So here we are Saturday both hoping we could get run over by a bus. He kept apologizing that he got me into this. There was no way out. He lives next door for heaven's sake.

2 days before the recital said neighbor stopped by with a print out of his event along with the address. When he left I looked at it and screamed, "Dear Lord we have to pay to go be tortured?!"  Yes, we had to pay $20 each to go to this.

The day before he said something out at the garage to me about how happy he was we were going. He said, "In between the acts they have open dancing so you and Rick can dance or you and I can dance. "  I laughed and told him that there is no way in hell I will dance.  He said, "Even if I ask you?"  I told him that I would have to politely decline because it is just something I can't do....especially in public. It is very uncomfortable for me."
He just laughed. I don't think he believed me.

This thing started at 7:30p which meant we had to leave at 7 or shortly thereafter. Unless we could get hit by a bus. I tried running into traffic and all those damn motorist swerved to miss me. What's a girl to do to get out of this damn dance stuff huh?

I asked our neighbor what to wear. He said, 'whatever you are comfortable in." 
Okay ladies, is that not the worse answer ever in the history of that damn question?
C'mon fella's that is not an answer. 
You could say, "oh it's casual."  or "it's jacket and tie for guys" that would be helpful.
So Rick and I erred on the side of being over dressed vs. under-dressed. Well at least I did.

At 6pm I begged Rick to hit me over the head with a hammer or something.
I pretended to cough, he laughed and said you're going!  Damn.
Not only did I have to attend something I did not want to attend I had to put on heels and pay these dance people $40.00. 

Rick decided he was wearing his dark jeans but a sports coat and nice shirt and shoes. 
I loved how he emphasized dark jeans because he knows I hate all his other jeans because they are like Dad jeans. That made me chuckle.
I wore a dress and heels and the whole nine yards.

I wanted to stay home, take off these heels and bra! Instead I opted for spanx and heels. 
Yesirree this was going to be fun....like root canal.

Before we left Rick grabbed his phone and thought he'd take a selfie of us. 
Don't I look lovely? I think he forgets that even with 4" heels I'm shorter than he is even if he is slouching down.
This pic made us laugh.

(yes the beard is a movember thing if you are aware of this event)

We got to the dance studio and sat in the car for a bit because we were early.
No sense in going before we had to was our thought. We sat in the car and did a lot of laughing. How do we get ourselves into these things? Oh yea, you did this to us Rick!

We got inside and sat by the door. We thought we may be able to escape early.
We sat and observed everyone there. It was really quite interesting.
A lot of older people which I was not expecting. I thought they would be in their 30's.
But most were old and crepey.  No I don't mean creepy, I mean crepey.

I wish I had the confidence, the devil may care attitude, that most of these folks seem to have. 
There were some women in skimpy outfits that sure shouldn't have been and there were some men with sleeveless vests or shirts that shouldn't have been. But as I watched these large people I thought, "Why can't I have the balls to do this?"  Seriously this woman had rolls of fat peaking out of the cut outs of her costumes. She didn't care one bit. How can I get there?

There was one very homely woman who was also big in an odd way. I don't mean to be mean here when I say she was homely. Just so much so that one would notice. She was also very messy. Where all the other women had their hair done and makeup on this women looked like she had been in a wind storm that also threw mud.  That could be why we noticed her. Everyone was all dolled up in costume and she looked like she threw on a costume after getting off the tractor and a hard days work.

She was also not all over large but large in some parts that were odd while the rest so very small. 
She was wearing skimpy clothes and was a homely handsome. She didn't smile and that made her look like she was cranky. But my goodness did she change when the music started. 
Oh she didn't smile even then but she sure did get down with her bad self. 
She was good, very good. She was so into it and so lost in the music it was beautiful to watch. That's when I thought agaom, "How do you get there?" 
I could no more do that in front of all these people and be so oblivious to everyone. 
I would be so self conscious in these skimpy costumes and uncomfortable. I could never ever dance with that abandon and be so carefree about it. I really admired her chutzpah!
Rick had leaned in and said, "my goodness she can dance but the poor thing ...."
He was saying what I was thinking. We're going to hell for that I'm sure of it.

Our neighbor did his dance with the instructor/owner. She had a dancers body only shorter than they seem on DWTS.  She was beautiful to watch. Gorgeous lines and my goodness her legs were beautiful.  I want her posture in my next life. 

Our neighbor did quite well too. He was one of our top 2 men we saw that evening. He was only in one dance that night because the other was with a women who we've met at his home a few times...wink wink. She was ill and couldn't make it.  Here he is below with the instructor. Camera phone by Rick so you have to be thankful he got their whole bodies in the shot. Using the zoom would be too much to ask of him. 

 This poor couple below were the worst of the evening at least in my humble opinion. It was painful to watch. But I applauded vigorously because damn it they got out there and did it and i sure wouldn't have. This women almost fell 2 times. 

This couple below were the best and sadly you can't see this man's face. 
Oh he had moves. He was the music. (He was an older man and this was his 21 yr old instructor.) Their dance was a funny story as well as very well danced. She was a librarian type and he was the janitor. It was so funny and the dancing was great.  That made Rick do a whoop and a holler while applauding. 

There were a couple of breaks. More people continued to pile in even after the 1st hour and there were no more seats. Rick and I stood up to give our seats to an elderly couple. We were sitting by the door and now we were standing by the door. Rick wanted to leave. I kept saying we can't. But it was now to the point of being uncomfortable and thankfully Rick had said to our neighbor the day before that we would come for a little while.  So at the next break we left.

We had some good laughs and it was nice to get dressed up. 
But I don't ever wish to do that again. Ever.

My Dog is Smarter Than Your Dog.

I loved these so much I stole them from the blogger  sad and clueless. 

Friday Distractions

While I continue to deal with all my identity theft issues, I will put some of what I think are funnies for this Friday.  Talk to you all on Monday because I am knee deep in paper work and stress.

This just seems like something Daffy Duck would do doesn't it?...and my husband.

Ah, Carlin. Couldn't have said it better myself.

Exactly how I'm feeling of late.

Remember the man who got caught killing his wife because he returned his rented wood chipper and he left a finger of hers in it?  Dumb criminals yet again. I think I would have bought the wood chipper if I wanted to kill my spouse that badly.

Love these tails!!

Dogs Texting tomorrow.....see you then.

The Saga Continues.......

Where do I begin?
I tried to find this in my archives because I wrote about it years ago but couldn't find it.
Or at least I thought I wrote about it years ago.

Every week for a great many years we would receive the follow type of calls for this family named Owens.
I would get doctor call reminders, your kids are horrible brats please come to the school, your blood work is in please call the office for your results, you are late on your payments, your order is ready for pick up and then always more kid stuff and late bills. 

Their children were apparently bad little shits. Never in school and always calls from the school and or teachers complaining. I was always amazed that these so called professionals would call a business, hear the name of the business and our hours and still leave messages on voicemail saying all they said. I would think that would be an HR nightmare of an issue. 

Each and every time I would speak to someone I would repeat the name of the business as I say it when I pick up the phone. I would tell them that there was no one by that name who worked here and please remove this number from their files. More calls and more voicemails.

One day I asked for their information and this young girl gave it out. 
I was so happy she was so dumb.
I called this number and told them that I was receiving her calls. I asked if she had this number before us. She said, No I can't imagine how they would get this.  
Being the suspicious Suzy that I am I didn't buy one word of what she said. 
I asked her to please have it stop. 
It really slowed down for a few years until recently. 

Then a few months ago I received another doctors call and asked them to remove this number from their files and again explained this was a business and no Owens lives or works here. I told Rick that evening, they have started again.

Fast Forward to all this debit card fraud. When I spoke to Best Buy they asked me if I had an account there. NOPE. They asked for my phone number. I asked why. She said I want to be sure you never had an account.  I gave her all my numbers. The last one was the office. That one came up the Owens. (I won't give the first names to protect the asshats here)

My office number was attached to their information. This woman gave me their name and address as well as the email they used to order this. But the phone number is my office phone number. Best Buy was on the phone with me for over an hour. It is now in their fraud department and I will expect to hear from someone in 72 hrs.  In the mean time I was told to call the Police.

I called the local county sheriff's department and they directed me to the police report online.
As he walked me through this I saw credit card theft and a list of other issues to choose from. I asked if debit card fraud is the same as credit card per this form. He said, " yes, but if you ask me this is identity theft by using your number. "
I asked which is worse for the criminal? He said identity. I said, "then by God it's identity theft". 
He then explained how to fill out the form and once it is reviewed I will get a call and/or visit from a sheriff to go over all of this.

In the mean time my bank is involved as well.  I have paper work up the wazoo.

I spent over 4 hrs today on the phone. I'm having  so much fun.
The delivery is to be here today. I want to refuse it so I have been on the look out for the UPS man.

So how did these people get my business debit card? I never hand it over to anyone. If there is no machine I don't use it. I never use ATM's unless it is my bank. And honestly I no longer use ATM's.  I can't for the life of me figure this one out.  

I hate these people and having their address will make Rick want to go over there with a baseball bat. I want the police to handle this. They live in a near by town in the same county so the sheriff should be able to handle this. 

I'll keep ya posted.....