I am mentally fried.
I have been fighting this battle with the VA Employment Commission ever since we fired Gary in Dec 2017.
Today the woman took such an attitude with me.
I asked how to close this account. It should have been done by the company doing our payroll who we fired as well.
She said that she didn't give a darn who should have done it, it is open and you did not file. I said I did not file because I don't have any employees. I also never had paperwork to file. How would I do that if I never did it? (I did not ask that) But I never received anything about filing, only that I didn't file.
She then said to me and this is exactly how and what she said, "If you have employees and you are lying to me you are in big trouble"
Oh did she ever have a nasty tone with me.
I told her I did not appreciate being spoken to like a 10-year-old.
I would like to discuss this matter as adults, please.
She hung up on me.
So the problem isn't resolved. The problem will go over forever now.
God how I hate people.
Especially those in government making boatloads of money and a pension.
I can't afford to cop an attitude I am self-employed. I had to be nice and yet she still was a @#$! and hung up on me. She will probably get a raise.
Argh!
And the rants go on.
I had to get an email/fax to a condo association.
Condo's are a royal pain in the ass.
They require you to fax/email your certificate of insurance from your insurance company. (COI) All of them want certain things and certain verbiage.
None are the same. Even though the form is the same. Yeah, crazy.
This condo in Reston we no longer will ever do work in again. But this customer has been a good customer for several years so we can't let him down. He is a contractor and this is his home. He is leaving because this condo assoc is as he stated to me, "a big pain in the ass"
I called the woman I deal with at the insurance agency and she sent the COI to them. I never heard that there was an issue until late yesterday. The customer was contacted and told they would not hold the loading dock for us and we couldn't do work unless this paperwork was done correctly and they have it back by 5pm.
I called the condo association myself and asked what was wrong.
I got all the bullshit they wanted. Then I called the insurance company to have it resent. Then today the young twit at the condo assoc. asked for my worker's comp. policy information. I told her that because I no longer have employees that I don't have workers comp. The person coming to do the work is an officer of the company, which means they can't have workers comp in the state of VA.
She begins to argue with me. When she was done I told her something would be sent. That made her happy and we said our goodbyes.
I then went online and got the verbiage stating everything I just told her but she did not believe. I put in all very nicely in a box on a form and sent it. That made her happy. Head scratcher right? Same exact thing I said to her.
I sometimes feel as though these condo personnel were all abused in high school. You know the band geek who got slammed into the lockers. So now they have some power and everyone is going to pay. And boy do we ever have to pay.
As of this moment in time, we are still going round and round with them for their certificate of insurance.
We will never have to go back to this place again after this job. I have to try to remember this. Just get this job done!!
I can't even fathom how awful it is to live there. According to the man who we are doing the work for it is as bad as I think.
I also can't fathom paying over a million dollars for a condo and then they make your life a living hell. You can't work on your condo unless they approve it. I couldn't do condo life. I just couldn't. Besides if I had a million dollars to buy something it would be atop a hill where no one could find me.
No phones, nobody but Rick and my dog.
Sounds good about now.
Tuesday, July 31, 2018
Friday, July 27, 2018
Working from home.
Working from home is what I have done since 1999.
Everyone thinks it's awesome and more often than not it sure is.
1. You can dress or not dress any way you want.
Sometimes undress as well.
Once when the a/c broke I slowly was taking things off as the day went on. By the time Rick got home he walked into the office while I was on the phone and said, "Oh I like the new dress code" As I sat in the heat in just a bra and panties.
2. The UPS man/woman may think you are a slob always in a bathrobe but you don't care. He/she won't recognize you when you are face ready for the public.
3. If you have to use the restroom you know it's clean.
4. If you are having "tummy issues" you can RUN to the bathroom and not worry about running into co-workers. No one/nothing for you to be embarrassed about.
5. You can eat at your desk and no one is asking for some of that leftover lasagna that smells so good.
6. You can walk your dog at lunch and get some fresh air and not be bothered by a soul. A peaceful stretch in your not peaceful day does wonders for your soul.
7. You can take a break or lunch whenever you want.
8. No office gossip
9. You can watch a baseball game on your computer and still do your work without having someone bitch about it. Heck, you can listen to music as loud as you want and/or watch TV on your computer while you work. I love #9. # 9 yesterday kept me sane, along with Pandora.
10. You don't deal with a bad commute or you aren't in traffic ever.
11. You don't have to take time off to meet contractors. You are home for the plumber, cable, and any person coming to work on your home.
12. Your dog isn't left alone for 9-10 hrs and/or you don't have to pay for a dog walker or daycare.
13. Happy Hour on Fridays starts promptly at 5pm. You leave your desk at 4:59 and make it downstairs by 5p, grab your glass and exhale!!
14.No one looks over your shoulder, bothers you, or watches you.
15. Your headset allows you to talk to a customer and still put a load of laundry in the wash and when you hang up you can turn it on. :-)
16. Other household small chores can be done while you work with a headset. I have been known to fold clothes while speaking to a customer.
17. You can actually work from anywhere with a laptop/tablet and phone. And that isn't a bad thing at all!
Negatives about working from home.
While there are not many there are a few.
1. You may not have a commute but you don't get snow days either. Weather gives everyone a day off here and there but not you. You must work. There is no snow on that staircase and you must walk up to it to the office. You watch everyone outside with their shovels and hot toddies laughing and chatting and you wish you had a snow day.
2. You have no one but the dog and customers to chat with. It can get lonely, you may wish to start a blog.
3. You work far longer. Check your emails at 7:30a and before you know it you are still dealing with them at 12pm and you haven't bathed. So your lunch becomes a quick shower, a quick dog walk, and no time to fix food.
4. No one brings in goodies for you. No office cakes, donuts and things to share.Not that I can eat them but sometimes people make GF things for their co-worker don't they?
5. You hear the office phone ringing at all hours of the night. ALL HOURS. Why does one need their tub, tile or cabinet work done at 2am?
6. . You can take a break or lunch whenever you want as stated above- but you never do for some reason. Probably the non stop work is the issue.
7. You are sexually harassed and not paid. Oh wait, that's just being self-employed with the hubby - oops sorry.
So as you can see it is better to work from home.
I couldn't go back to an office just for the bra thing alone. I've been spoiled.
😏
Everyone thinks it's awesome and more often than not it sure is.
1. You can dress or not dress any way you want.
Sometimes undress as well.
Once when the a/c broke I slowly was taking things off as the day went on. By the time Rick got home he walked into the office while I was on the phone and said, "Oh I like the new dress code" As I sat in the heat in just a bra and panties.
2. The UPS man/woman may think you are a slob always in a bathrobe but you don't care. He/she won't recognize you when you are face ready for the public.
3. If you have to use the restroom you know it's clean.
4. If you are having "tummy issues" you can RUN to the bathroom and not worry about running into co-workers. No one/nothing for you to be embarrassed about.
5. You can eat at your desk and no one is asking for some of that leftover lasagna that smells so good.
6. You can walk your dog at lunch and get some fresh air and not be bothered by a soul. A peaceful stretch in your not peaceful day does wonders for your soul.
7. You can take a break or lunch whenever you want.
8. No office gossip
9. You can watch a baseball game on your computer and still do your work without having someone bitch about it. Heck, you can listen to music as loud as you want and/or watch TV on your computer while you work. I love #9. # 9 yesterday kept me sane, along with Pandora.
10. You don't deal with a bad commute or you aren't in traffic ever.
11. You don't have to take time off to meet contractors. You are home for the plumber, cable, and any person coming to work on your home.
12. Your dog isn't left alone for 9-10 hrs and/or you don't have to pay for a dog walker or daycare.
13. Happy Hour on Fridays starts promptly at 5pm. You leave your desk at 4:59 and make it downstairs by 5p, grab your glass and exhale!!
14.No one looks over your shoulder, bothers you, or watches you.
15. Your headset allows you to talk to a customer and still put a load of laundry in the wash and when you hang up you can turn it on. :-)
16. Other household small chores can be done while you work with a headset. I have been known to fold clothes while speaking to a customer.
17. You can actually work from anywhere with a laptop/tablet and phone. And that isn't a bad thing at all!
Negatives about working from home.
While there are not many there are a few.
1. You may not have a commute but you don't get snow days either. Weather gives everyone a day off here and there but not you. You must work. There is no snow on that staircase and you must walk up to it to the office. You watch everyone outside with their shovels and hot toddies laughing and chatting and you wish you had a snow day.
2. You have no one but the dog and customers to chat with. It can get lonely, you may wish to start a blog.
3. You work far longer. Check your emails at 7:30a and before you know it you are still dealing with them at 12pm and you haven't bathed. So your lunch becomes a quick shower, a quick dog walk, and no time to fix food.
4. No one brings in goodies for you. No office cakes, donuts and things to share.Not that I can eat them but sometimes people make GF things for their co-worker don't they?
5. You hear the office phone ringing at all hours of the night. ALL HOURS. Why does one need their tub, tile or cabinet work done at 2am?
6. . You can take a break or lunch whenever you want as stated above- but you never do for some reason. Probably the non stop work is the issue.
7. You are sexually harassed and not paid. Oh wait, that's just being self-employed with the hubby - oops sorry.
So as you can see it is better to work from home.
I couldn't go back to an office just for the bra thing alone. I've been spoiled.
😏
Thursday, July 26, 2018
Oh to be 40 again!
I spoke to my ex-mother in law.
I wanted to check in and see how she was doing since the funeral.
She has her good days and her bad as one would expect.
I just adore this woman.
I sometimes think I was to marry her son so she could be in my life.
She is like a mom to me. She has been in my life in one capacity or another for 45 years. Talking to her on Tuesday just warmed my heart. Love.
Before we hung up she thanked me and said, "Every time you call me it lifts me up. You are a blessing in my life Peg"
Well, that did it, I got all choked up. Damn
Last evening as I was making a taco salad for dinner the doorbell rang.
I looked at Rick as if to say, "NO, not company!'
It was an insurance person. Damn it. I saw it on the calendar and then forgot.
Shit!
There I was with no makeup, looking like a hot mess. She came in and sat down at the kitchen island as I finished making this salad. She had a glass of wine and ate two bowls of taco salad. Then we got down to business.
We took out a long-term care policy when we were in our 40's. You know for assisted living, home health care or a nursing facility. As we age we know there is no one to care for us so we'd have to get this in place. Doing so in our 40's made this affordable and we are locked into the rate. Thank goodness. We also have life with them etc. I hate insurance. I want it when I need it but the money kills me for something I don't see. Know what I mean?
When my grandmother was ill and she had to be in a nursing home my parents could only do one that was 5 K a month. It was not nice. Sad that 60K or more a year gets you a shitty nursing home. Thankfully she was only there for a very short time. But long enough for me to see I don't ever want to be in that kind of place. So that is what made us do this over 20 years ago. While it only pays today $250 per day it goes up every year with inflation. I imagine we will still have to fork out money to pay the difference. But I don't want a place like my grandmother had. I'd rather die. Hell, I want to die in my own home but one doesn't always get a choice, unfortunately.
After she left Rick and I sat and chatted a bit.
He said, "remember when we just went out all the time, played and had no thoughts of this shit? We were so carefree like it was going to be like that forever"
"Oh yes, I do. I would love it all back."
He asked me seriously, "would you really want to go back?"
"Ah, Yes!! not to my 20's but my God I would take my 40's over and over again like groundhog day.
Rick: maybe we lose our memories so we aren't so damn sad about it.
Me: wow, maybe. Because who doesn't want to be 40 again?
My breasts were high and my face was not melting.
Rick: That's my girl, priorities.
Me: Well smart ass then why would you want to be 40 again?
Rick: Money, energy, my body, and my sharper mind.
Me: Oh honey, you were never that sharp.
Rick: That's my girl.
I wanted to check in and see how she was doing since the funeral.
She has her good days and her bad as one would expect.
I just adore this woman.
I sometimes think I was to marry her son so she could be in my life.
She is like a mom to me. She has been in my life in one capacity or another for 45 years. Talking to her on Tuesday just warmed my heart. Love.
Before we hung up she thanked me and said, "Every time you call me it lifts me up. You are a blessing in my life Peg"
Well, that did it, I got all choked up. Damn
Last evening as I was making a taco salad for dinner the doorbell rang.
I looked at Rick as if to say, "NO, not company!'
It was an insurance person. Damn it. I saw it on the calendar and then forgot.
Shit!
There I was with no makeup, looking like a hot mess. She came in and sat down at the kitchen island as I finished making this salad. She had a glass of wine and ate two bowls of taco salad. Then we got down to business.
We took out a long-term care policy when we were in our 40's. You know for assisted living, home health care or a nursing facility. As we age we know there is no one to care for us so we'd have to get this in place. Doing so in our 40's made this affordable and we are locked into the rate. Thank goodness. We also have life with them etc. I hate insurance. I want it when I need it but the money kills me for something I don't see. Know what I mean?
When my grandmother was ill and she had to be in a nursing home my parents could only do one that was 5 K a month. It was not nice. Sad that 60K or more a year gets you a shitty nursing home. Thankfully she was only there for a very short time. But long enough for me to see I don't ever want to be in that kind of place. So that is what made us do this over 20 years ago. While it only pays today $250 per day it goes up every year with inflation. I imagine we will still have to fork out money to pay the difference. But I don't want a place like my grandmother had. I'd rather die. Hell, I want to die in my own home but one doesn't always get a choice, unfortunately.
After she left Rick and I sat and chatted a bit.
He said, "remember when we just went out all the time, played and had no thoughts of this shit? We were so carefree like it was going to be like that forever"
"Oh yes, I do. I would love it all back."
He asked me seriously, "would you really want to go back?"
"Ah, Yes!! not to my 20's but my God I would take my 40's over and over again like groundhog day.
Rick: maybe we lose our memories so we aren't so damn sad about it.
Me: wow, maybe. Because who doesn't want to be 40 again?
My breasts were high and my face was not melting.
Rick: That's my girl, priorities.
Me: Well smart ass then why would you want to be 40 again?
Rick: Money, energy, my body, and my sharper mind.
Me: Oh honey, you were never that sharp.
Rick: That's my girl.
Wednesday, July 25, 2018
Cartoons
These are a few things that have made me smile this week.
I can relate to them all.
Alright, this would never happen at my house.
But I do wonder if our recycle man thinks we need an intervention.
This is scarily true.
Good one huh? Or should I say, Pretty Good!
Okay, this made me realize I married the right man.
He would choose cheese. I would choose chocolate.
I would never have to share. 😀
I have a strong disdain for religion. I think this puts my feelings into perspective.
I can relate to them all.
Alright, this would never happen at my house.
But I do wonder if our recycle man thinks we need an intervention.
This is scarily true.
Good one huh? Or should I say, Pretty Good!
Okay, this made me realize I married the right man.
He would choose cheese. I would choose chocolate.
I would never have to share. 😀
I have a strong disdain for religion. I think this puts my feelings into perspective.
Tuesday, July 24, 2018
Singin' The Blues
Every weekend in August we have something going on.
I'm already exhausted and it's only July.
For 2 old farts who don't do a ton of things we sure are busy.
Rick is in a poker tournament at the MGM at the national harbor the first weekend of the month.
I wish I understood poker without a cheat sheet.
I play like it's Yahtzee. I say things that drive Rick mad.
Oh you know like, well that is a small straight in Yahtzee isn't that good?
Hey, a full house is the same in Yahtzee Rick, isn't that cool?
No, he doesn't think so.
He won't play with me but he marvels at my skill of being able to read people.
I thought it was just him I could read because I know him so well.
I sure know when he's bluffing and boy does it bug the shit out of him.
So when he played at our house with a bunch of guys I could see "tells" on a few.
After everyone went home I pointed out a couple to Rick that he never noticed.
Sure enough next time he played with the neighborhood guys he used what I told him and it worked.
This man so loves poker he watches it on TV.
Talk about boring, the only thing worse is watching a guy on TV go fishing!
And yes, he's done that too.
I will point things out while he watched the World Series of Poker.
He keeps telling me I should learn how to play because I'd make a-killin'.
I don't think it would work like that. I'd learn to play and be so focused on what is better a full house or 3 of a kind or whatever it's called in Poker, that I wouldn't be able to watch others.
Now if there were high stakes Yahtzee, damn, I'm your gal!
We are going up to Maryland for a BBQ with some friends the following weekend.
I used to work with Maggie and it's been a while since we've all been together.
We always have a great time at their home. Last time we ended up spending the night with the dog no less. Our dog slept with their dogs. It ended up being so much fun and there were others who didn't drive home either. In the early morning, the men all ran out and bought breakfast food and came back and we cooked the breakfast for the family and cleaned up and left. It was an adult slumber party with dogs and kids.
While that doesn't sound like fun, surprisingly it sure was.
This is the annual BBQ. No sleepovers though. We are leaving Izzy behind so we must come home. I will be the designated driver I'm sure.
We got tickets to see a bluesman we just love later in the month. I am so excited about this. Keb Mo is the man. We got these the day they went on sale then it was sold out. I love Keb Mo. My sister said, "isn't that the guy who sings the theme song to Mike and Molly?" Why yes it is, but he's more than that. I first saw him at a Blues Festival. Then Rick saw him in Boulder, just he and his guitar on stage. Then we saw him playing with Garth Brooks of all people. When Pres. Obama had some event he sang America The Beautiful and it was on PBS. All I know is it was the best rendition of the song, to me anyway.
This show is at an intimate theatre called the Birchmere.
I am thrilled we got tickets.
The following weekend we leave for a vacation. (only 4 weeks to go!)
We may really need it by then.
Postive problems, oh such positive problem.😎
I'm already exhausted and it's only July.
For 2 old farts who don't do a ton of things we sure are busy.
Rick is in a poker tournament at the MGM at the national harbor the first weekend of the month.
I wish I understood poker without a cheat sheet.
I play like it's Yahtzee. I say things that drive Rick mad.
Oh you know like, well that is a small straight in Yahtzee isn't that good?
Hey, a full house is the same in Yahtzee Rick, isn't that cool?
No, he doesn't think so.
He won't play with me but he marvels at my skill of being able to read people.
I thought it was just him I could read because I know him so well.
I sure know when he's bluffing and boy does it bug the shit out of him.
So when he played at our house with a bunch of guys I could see "tells" on a few.
After everyone went home I pointed out a couple to Rick that he never noticed.
Sure enough next time he played with the neighborhood guys he used what I told him and it worked.
This man so loves poker he watches it on TV.
Talk about boring, the only thing worse is watching a guy on TV go fishing!
And yes, he's done that too.
I will point things out while he watched the World Series of Poker.
He keeps telling me I should learn how to play because I'd make a-killin'.
I don't think it would work like that. I'd learn to play and be so focused on what is better a full house or 3 of a kind or whatever it's called in Poker, that I wouldn't be able to watch others.
Now if there were high stakes Yahtzee, damn, I'm your gal!
We are going up to Maryland for a BBQ with some friends the following weekend.
I used to work with Maggie and it's been a while since we've all been together.
We always have a great time at their home. Last time we ended up spending the night with the dog no less. Our dog slept with their dogs. It ended up being so much fun and there were others who didn't drive home either. In the early morning, the men all ran out and bought breakfast food and came back and we cooked the breakfast for the family and cleaned up and left. It was an adult slumber party with dogs and kids.
While that doesn't sound like fun, surprisingly it sure was.
This is the annual BBQ. No sleepovers though. We are leaving Izzy behind so we must come home. I will be the designated driver I'm sure.
We got tickets to see a bluesman we just love later in the month. I am so excited about this. Keb Mo is the man. We got these the day they went on sale then it was sold out. I love Keb Mo. My sister said, "isn't that the guy who sings the theme song to Mike and Molly?" Why yes it is, but he's more than that. I first saw him at a Blues Festival. Then Rick saw him in Boulder, just he and his guitar on stage. Then we saw him playing with Garth Brooks of all people. When Pres. Obama had some event he sang America The Beautiful and it was on PBS. All I know is it was the best rendition of the song, to me anyway.
This show is at an intimate theatre called the Birchmere.
I am thrilled we got tickets.
The following weekend we leave for a vacation. (only 4 weeks to go!)
We may really need it by then.
Postive problems, oh such positive problem.😎
I Got 'Em!!
Here is what you do to get your email notifications back when someone comments.
Go to your blogger dashboard.
Go to Settings
You will see your email listed as a place to send notifications.
Remove it and Hit Save
Then put it back in there and Hit Save.
You will get an email asking if you wish to use this email address for notifications. You can then choose Yes or Decline.
Of course, if you are doing this then you will want to hit Yes.
Go to Settings
Go To Email
You will see your email listed as a place to send notifications.
Remove it and Hit Save
Then put it back in there and Hit Save.
You will get an email asking if you wish to use this email address for notifications. You can then choose Yes or Decline.
Of course, if you are doing this then you will want to hit Yes.
Then you will get your email notifications.
I know the photos are grainy. I tried a couple of times. Sorry.
But at least now you'll get email notifications. :-)
Monday, July 23, 2018
Rain, Rain, Go Away.
It's been a constant hard rain for a couple of days now.
It's still raining. An Ark may be needed. Over 5 inches thus far.
My petunias have taken a beating. All my plants look beaten.
"They," say it will continue to rain like this for the week.
Izzy and I aren't happy.
In other news -
It's still raining. An Ark may be needed. Over 5 inches thus far.
My petunias have taken a beating. All my plants look beaten.
"They," say it will continue to rain like this for the week.
Izzy and I aren't happy.
In other news -
- Thank you to Chris H who gave me a tip on email notifications for the blog. I made the switch and hopefully I will find them in email again soon.
***My phone is 2 yrs old. I dropped it last year and I have a couple of cracks on the face. But it's paid for and I just don't want or for that matter NEED another payment so I can deal with the cracks. What I can't deal with is being out of memory. So I deleted almost everything from my phone. I have a Samsung S7 Edge with 32MB and used space of 31.84 MB. So you can see it was constantly telling me that I was dangerously close to not having any memory.
I deleted all but what I felt was necessary. You know like the phone and the contacts. But not good enough. So I went to my Verizon store and got a 128MB memory card. I had them put it in because I couldn't get the damn thing opened.
I now have enough memory to install a couple of apps that I had to delete. The owner of the local Verizon store told me that Samsung is one of the few phones that you can add a card to. iPhones don't have that option. Another reason for me to never use anything Apple.
But now I have a red line going down the front of the phone. I know that I am going to have to get a new phone but honestly the payment is killer. If I hadn't dropped this it would be a perfectly fine phone for a lot longer. The man warned me that one day I just won't be able to see my screen at all. Great. But damn it I am waiting for that day before I fork out any more money on this necessary evil.
These phones are $800. They last 2 yrs. No sooner you are done paying for them you need a new one. They do this on purpose I swear. Must they be so expensive? Wasn't all this shit supposed to make my life easier? I don't feel it has one bit. I'm hanging in there as long as possible.
***This weekend Rick and I watched a comedian that was raised by immigrant parents. It was a Netflix special. We both laughed so hard at this. Mainly because we understood everything he spoke of so well having immigrant parents. I kept thinking this was so specific would others find it as funny? But he's everywhere on Netflix, TV and now with a book so apparently, others think so too. Things he said his father said were the same things my father said.
Normally I don't enjoy in any way this type "stereotypical" guy like this.
He reminds me of my cousin who refers to himself as Joey D.
Joey D is right out of a movie.
Joey owned a bar when I was growing up.
It was THE hot spot. Guess what its name was? Joey D's.
The ethnic slur for him would be a ginny. Oh, he fit the title to a T.
He was my birth moms brothers kid. He was about 7-8 years older than me.
He had the T-shirt with the rolled up sleeves with cigarettes in them.
He had the pompadour hair and the gold chains in the late 60's.
He was such a stereotype.
Right out of the Sopranos. But at 21 years old when I went to his bar he was great. I never had to pay a cover to get in or pay for drinks. He always said you're pretty and you bring pretty girls so you don't have to pay. Typical guy of that era and nationality. Besides he'd say, "You're my cuz" His speak for a cousin. Then when guys were all over me, he would come over and ask if I wanted them to get lost. It was all so funny.
***We are entering our slow time of year. The whole year is cyclical. I know when these times are coming but it's never easy. Congress is on recess in August so while that helps traffic, it doesn't help with work around these parts. Everyone is on vacation. So we will too. We are taking our vacation the last friday/day of the month over labor day and a few after. 7 full days BUT I will answer phones in the morning and let folks know via my voicemail that I will be out of the office in the afternoon and to leave me a message.
As is the case Rick and Izzy hop on the boat very early and go fishing. I will be a lady of leisure and have a 2nd cup of coffee before I begin answering the phones and emails. Because of the holiday, it will be an extra 4 days of slow so it should work out great. Number 1, 898 of the reasons being in your own business sucks. I just hope we get some sun or my vacation is going to be a bust!
It's not on a vacation unless I am in the sun, water and sand.
I am a beach girl!
Thursday, July 19, 2018
Household Chores.
I asked Rick to do me two favors while I was away and before I got home.
After 31 years you'd think he would just know this but as we've said before they need it spelled out.
I asked that I not have to come home and see hairballs the size of tumbleweed rolling across my floor now that Izzy is blowing her coat.
Number 2 - please have the island cleared off. Even if just reasonably cleared off, I can live with that. I want to be able to see the island and not a pile of his stuff. This is something I ask of him each time I go away so he should get this by now. So far it's never been done. I just hate opening the door and see the hurricane that occured while I was gone and yet the first responders didn't pick up a thing. I don't think I should have to pick up after him when I return. He feels the same about his garage. Heaven forbid I put something in the wrong place or move things around. It is the same thing really. He gets it, but he pretends he doesn't and he turns on the charm.
Sounds easy enough to me.
Hairballs - I vacuum 2x a day while she is blowing her coat.
It has begun to slow down but it's still not great.
I HATE seeing hair all over the floor or anywhere but the floor especially.
An example of this was the day before I left I vacuumed in the morning around 8:00am.
At 3:00pm I went downstairs to have a cup of coffee.
Izzy was asleep in her bed.
I thought I would enjoy my coffee and sit in Rick's chair while it was quiet. I was wearing my headset so if someone called I could easily answer and then go upstairs to my office.
I sat down with my coffee and I saw hair all over the floor in clumps under the kitchen island stools. It was just this morning that I vacuumed!
So instead of sitting I did it all again and went back to work.
You can imagine what I was thinking I'd come home to after 5 1/2 days.
Island - I have an 8ft kitchen island. It can be cleared of everything except a fruit bowl or flowers or some such item like that but you can see the rest of the island. Until Rick comes home.
Rick walks in and there is shit strewn about and you can't even tell what color my countertop is after 5 minutes of him walking in the door. How can he do that in less than 5 minutes and make my island invisible?
Sunday night on the phone he tells me he's done the laundry.
I giggled. He said what is so funny about that? I should not have laughed.
I said, "nothing at all, thank you for doing it, babe."
(remember we had a deal I would do laundry for the rest of his life if he did it while we lived in that haunted house and I wouldn't venture into that scary basement so this was not expected)
But I knew he didn't really DO the laundry. He washed and dried a couple of things and then threw them in the laundry basket I was assuming.
But gee, maybe I'm being too rough on the Big Guy. He did attempt to do laundry and that was considerate and nice of him.
When I walked into the house after a week away the floor was clear of hair. I was so happy.
The island was pretty good. He even had flowers on the island for me.
I thanked him. He even washed the floor. I hugged & kissed him and was thrilled that he did both. So there is hope after 31 years.
The laundry - oh the laundry.
He set the items he folded into a laundry basket and put it by my bed on the floor. So if I were getting into bed I would fall over it.
There were towels folded in that basked that go into the linen closet just a few feet away. I had to laugh. This is Rick's version of doing the laundry.
Last night as I was doing some more laundry and I was folding his things and putting them away. He was in the bedroom as I am putting away his socks in his drawer.
I say to him, "this is how one does laundry." As I dramatically open the drawer and put his socks in it. He laughs.
He replied, "I washed and dried them and I folded them too.
"C'mon Rick, but did you put them away?"
"Well no. But I don't know where your clothes go."
Now I am laughing because he is trying so hard not to laugh.
I said, "you don't know where my clothes go? a drawer perhaps? you couldn't open a drawer? And what do you mean you don't know where my clothes are, you fetched me a pair of socks the other day when I yelled from the bathroom."
"Oh yea," he says. He is smirking.
"And the towels you folded, you don't know where those go? Where do you get them?"
"Well damn it, I just hate it when I see your point. Just don't go away again without me and it will all be fine."
Oh, I see this is punishment. I think this week when I do laundry I just HAVE to leave the basket by his side of the bed with his stuff in it and see what happens.
Wanna bet he moves it to my side of the bed?
Let the games begin.
After 31 years you'd think he would just know this but as we've said before they need it spelled out.
I asked that I not have to come home and see hairballs the size of tumbleweed rolling across my floor now that Izzy is blowing her coat.
Number 2 - please have the island cleared off. Even if just reasonably cleared off, I can live with that. I want to be able to see the island and not a pile of his stuff. This is something I ask of him each time I go away so he should get this by now. So far it's never been done. I just hate opening the door and see the hurricane that occured while I was gone and yet the first responders didn't pick up a thing. I don't think I should have to pick up after him when I return. He feels the same about his garage. Heaven forbid I put something in the wrong place or move things around. It is the same thing really. He gets it, but he pretends he doesn't and he turns on the charm.
Sounds easy enough to me.
Hairballs - I vacuum 2x a day while she is blowing her coat.
It has begun to slow down but it's still not great.
I HATE seeing hair all over the floor or anywhere but the floor especially.
An example of this was the day before I left I vacuumed in the morning around 8:00am.
At 3:00pm I went downstairs to have a cup of coffee.
Izzy was asleep in her bed.
I thought I would enjoy my coffee and sit in Rick's chair while it was quiet. I was wearing my headset so if someone called I could easily answer and then go upstairs to my office.
I sat down with my coffee and I saw hair all over the floor in clumps under the kitchen island stools. It was just this morning that I vacuumed!
So instead of sitting I did it all again and went back to work.
You can imagine what I was thinking I'd come home to after 5 1/2 days.
Island - I have an 8ft kitchen island. It can be cleared of everything except a fruit bowl or flowers or some such item like that but you can see the rest of the island. Until Rick comes home.
Rick walks in and there is shit strewn about and you can't even tell what color my countertop is after 5 minutes of him walking in the door. How can he do that in less than 5 minutes and make my island invisible?
Sunday night on the phone he tells me he's done the laundry.
I giggled. He said what is so funny about that? I should not have laughed.
I said, "nothing at all, thank you for doing it, babe."
(remember we had a deal I would do laundry for the rest of his life if he did it while we lived in that haunted house and I wouldn't venture into that scary basement so this was not expected)
But I knew he didn't really DO the laundry. He washed and dried a couple of things and then threw them in the laundry basket I was assuming.
But gee, maybe I'm being too rough on the Big Guy. He did attempt to do laundry and that was considerate and nice of him.
When I walked into the house after a week away the floor was clear of hair. I was so happy.
The island was pretty good. He even had flowers on the island for me.
I thanked him. He even washed the floor. I hugged & kissed him and was thrilled that he did both. So there is hope after 31 years.
The laundry - oh the laundry.
He set the items he folded into a laundry basket and put it by my bed on the floor. So if I were getting into bed I would fall over it.
There were towels folded in that basked that go into the linen closet just a few feet away. I had to laugh. This is Rick's version of doing the laundry.
Last night as I was doing some more laundry and I was folding his things and putting them away. He was in the bedroom as I am putting away his socks in his drawer.
I say to him, "this is how one does laundry." As I dramatically open the drawer and put his socks in it. He laughs.
He replied, "I washed and dried them and I folded them too.
"C'mon Rick, but did you put them away?"
"Well no. But I don't know where your clothes go."
Now I am laughing because he is trying so hard not to laugh.
I said, "you don't know where my clothes go? a drawer perhaps? you couldn't open a drawer? And what do you mean you don't know where my clothes are, you fetched me a pair of socks the other day when I yelled from the bathroom."
"Oh yea," he says. He is smirking.
"And the towels you folded, you don't know where those go? Where do you get them?"
"Well damn it, I just hate it when I see your point. Just don't go away again without me and it will all be fine."
Oh, I see this is punishment. I think this week when I do laundry I just HAVE to leave the basket by his side of the bed with his stuff in it and see what happens.
Wanna bet he moves it to my side of the bed?
Let the games begin.
Wednesday, July 18, 2018
A little Ditty
I mentioned yesterday that I would talk about what happened up north that really ticked me off. I decided against it until I can have a cooler head.
So instead here is a little ditty from my favorite author, David Sedaris.
So instead here is a little ditty from my favorite author, David Sedaris.
Tuesday, July 17, 2018
Home Sweet Home
I have returned to the land of air conditioning.
Oh, how I love me some air conditioning.
This was a tough 5 days but I survived and my dad is doing fine.
My father was no problem at all. The problem that I had I will explain tomorrow. (I still can't talk about it without being pissed off.)
Dad is so damn cute. He is speaking far less. He points a lot and I felt most days it was a running game of charades. Tapped his side after he came out of the bathroom. I asked if he was hurting. He shook his head. Then I saw what he must have meant, his shirt was bunched up. He was struggling with tucking in his shirt. And heaven forbid we have our shirt tails out. So I tucked in his shirt tightly and he said thank you. Whew, I learned that sign. Honestly, I laughed a lot. He would make gestures and I would talk to no one in particular and say out loud, we are going to steal first base? You want me to bunt? Dad would smile like he understood but I don't think he did. I was getting frustrated and I know he must have been as well but he was a good sport about it all. I don't know all these gestures. When I would figure it out he would grin from ear to ear. I told him I was his slow daughter. That actually made him laugh.
Once when he pointed to his genital area I was thinking, "Dear Lord what could this mean?" But I had put on his pajama's and the seam was not straight in the front and I assume it was most uncomfortable. So I moved the pj bottoms around and he looked up at me and nodded and smiled. Whew. My mind went to a different scary place. Bad me.
As I type this I realize it sounds like poof - I understood his tap on the side. It did not work that way. The shirt thing took a few minutes. A tap here and a point there. Sometimes I was slow figuring it out. I loved how when I put on his pj's he would stretch his arm out to show me I had to button his sleeves. For the most part, I understood him without words but there were times where if I didn't laugh I would have become frustrated. That would have gotten us both nowhere.
He is cold all the time. When you put on his socks his feet are like size 10 ice cubes. Because of this, he wants the heat on.
It was 86 degrees, which for me is rather nice weather. But inside my home I would have the air on. Especially since the humidity is sky high.
BUT because they keep the house locked up like a fortress so no air is moving in the house at all makes it unbearable. It is hotter than hot. I was closing the blinds to keep the sun out. Opening doors will not help. No screens that work and when I did open windows they were broken. It was stiflingly hot. But apparently to all other humans except my father.
One afternoon I was so hot, my hair was wet and the moisture was running down my neck to my back. Everything was sticking to me. I turned on the A/C. I normally have mine set at 72. So I set it for 74. I knew it would definitely be cooler than the 82 inside the house that the thermostat was reading. My father takes his walker and goes to the thermostat and turns the number up to 80 when I put it to 74. One afternoon he didn't just turn it to 80, he moved it from cool to heat.
HEAT.
He doesn't know anyone but he sure remembered how to do this.
He would fall asleep and I would switch it. It was a constant struggle. Finally, I found a heating pad. While he was in the bathroom I tested it. Medium was too hot and Low was perfect. So as I helped him back to "his chair" I put this on his lap. He adjusted this small hand towel he now must have on his lap for who knows what reason, it is so Rainman like.
He folds it perfectly and puts it on his lap. My father never folded anything this precise. Like I said he did a lot of rituals and it was very much like watching Rainman. He left the heating pad on his lap the whole day until bedtime. He used that heating pad from them on. He even turned it off himself when he got up to go to bed. He never once changed the air temp again. We all could be cool. It was wonderful. It took me two days of feeling like I was in a sweat lodge before I figured this out. Whew. I guess I really am his slow daughter.
You see he doesn't like a blanket around his lap or legs. He wouldn't even let the heating blanket on him. For some reason that is too much for him. The heating pad was just right. My mom said it was genius when she returned and saw this and I laughed. Yep, that's me a regular heating pad savant.
Daddy always says he doesn't want food or drink. You must just make it and give it to him. He will not drink water. So I would put a small glass of juice by his food at breakfast. He sits in what we refer to his chair and then we put his meals, snacks, and beverages on this fancy TV tray that he has next to his chair.
He has his rituals which I have learned those with dementia like to have.
So when he gets up his breakfast is right away. A tiny cup of coffee or juice, cereal with fruit or eggs. But first, he takes his pills. He knows this and won't eat until he takes them. It was a week of routine and rituals. I had to catch up quickly.
After breakfast, the game show channel is on until he goes to bed. My God if I hear the theme song to Family Feud one more time I will explode. It was like Chinese water torture. But come the weekend it was all different. It was a marathon of Cash Cab until 3pm, which apparently he does not like. Oh my goodness, he was so agitated. I searched the guide on the television 2 times looking for a game show. Nothing. He was fiddling with the remote control and now I can't even get the TV to work. So after trying to calm him and figure out the TV I wanted to drink. I went to On Demand and they had the game show network there. He watched family feud on a loop. I wanted to scream but he was now calm and happy. Whew. Big disaster averted. But my goodness I am serious when I say I don't wish to see or hear Steve Harvey ever again. How does my mother do this?
When he fell asleep in his chair I switch the channel. But first I would lower the sound so he wouldn't hear me doing it. I know, he barely hears, one must scream, but I thought it was worth a try. Because my parents live next to Cleveland I knew the baseball game would be on up there and I could just catch the score. My team was playing Cleveland. But as soon as I did it he woke up and grabbed the remote and put in channel 79 so we could watch Family Feud. Oh, my God. That, he remembers.
Dad never really cared for fruit but boy does he now. I saw a cantelope on the counter so I cut it. I cubed the pieces small enough for him and put them on a plate. I had brought with me some raspberries. So I put some on the plate I was bringing him and thought I'd have a few. I put the melon and the berries on a plate and set it on his tray. He looked at it, brought it closer and looked at it again. I picked up a piece and ate it. He did the same. Then he moved his tray to be over his lap and devoured the fruit. You see my father LOVED sweets so I thought he'd like the fruit and sure enough, he did. I poured him some water and put a cucumber in it. He drank it. I was getting him things he never would eat and that was a good thing. He was not going to starve or dehydrate on my watch.
He devoured all his meals and snacks. He loves ice cream and man the 2nd day I just didn't want to give him this because he was cold this wasn't going to help.
I saw individual cups of diced peaches. I opened one and gave it to him with a spoon. He moved it closer and smelled it. Then he inhaled it and drank the fruit juice. He ate it like I had been starving him.
On Wednesday before I got to their house I was in a store and grabbed a peppermint patty. (This is my favorite candy bar.) So I threw it in my purse. On Friday night I poured myself a glass of wine. Dad was sleeping with the Game Show Network blaring and I thought what the hell. I can have one glass. After drinking that glass of wine I thought, gee a piece of chocolate would be great right now. I remember I had that peppermint patty in my purse so I got up to get it from my purse in the bedroom. I opened it on the walk from the bedroom to the family room. Dad was sleeping so I put it on his tray and went into the kitchen to fetch myself a glass of ice water. I came back, he was not only awake, but he ate my candy bar. I laughed. I said, "Hey did you just eat my peppermint patty?" He smiled and nodded. How could I be upset? I laughed and said well I sure hope you enjoyed it. He actually spoke and said it was good. I don't think he realized it wasn't his. I think if something is on his tray it must be for him. I didn't need it anyway but it did make me chuckle.
It's funny he doesn't know me but he remembers being told a long time ago that he needs to walk/exercise more by his doctor. So he will just get up and he and his walker walk in a circle from family room to foyer, down hall to living room, dining room back through the kitchen to the family room again. All of that is actually like a circle. He does this 2 or 3x then sits back in his chair and sleeps.
Between 8 and 9 he goes to bed. Then the ritual of getting him in bed begins.
I won't bore you all with that ritual. But the ending is that he puts his bottom on the bed and I grab his legs and swing them around to get on the bed. I cover him, kiss him and say, I love you, Daddy. He smiles and says, Thank you. He has no idea who the hell I am.
Thank you cracks me up.
He smiles a lot. He seems happy when he is somewhat with it, which is rare. When my cousin stopped by and said, Hi Uncle Georgie, he smiled and nodded. When a photo was taken he sat up straight and smiled like crazy.
I am thankful he isn't mean like some get with this disease. He is nice.
But far less verbal than when I saw him a few months before.
Thankfully there were no eventful things like him having an accident.
He used the toilet but I still had to wash him and change his depends.
I would repeat who I was and what I was going to do then he let me.
He doesn't hear well so Family Feud is loud and on the entire time he is awake.
Then add that I am basically screaming at him so he can hear me. There wasn't much quiet time. Everything was LOUD.
He doesn't get up until 11a so the time in the morning with TV off and quiet was so nice. I would have my coffee on the porch and just enjoy a cool morning before it got hot outside and inside. It was the best of the day. Quiet, I was alone and it was lovely.
I am glad I did it.
It made me appreciate my stepmom even more that is for certain.
I loved this time with my father in an odd way.
But I still feel the same. I wish he could pass. He doesn't deserve to live like this. No one should live like this. This is not life, this is existence.
This big strong man with such pride has been reduced to a child or worse.
It makes me so very sad and I will admit a couple of times I cried.
I am thankful to be home.
Oh, how I love me some air conditioning.
This was a tough 5 days but I survived and my dad is doing fine.
My father was no problem at all. The problem that I had I will explain tomorrow. (I still can't talk about it without being pissed off.)
Dad is so damn cute. He is speaking far less. He points a lot and I felt most days it was a running game of charades. Tapped his side after he came out of the bathroom. I asked if he was hurting. He shook his head. Then I saw what he must have meant, his shirt was bunched up. He was struggling with tucking in his shirt. And heaven forbid we have our shirt tails out. So I tucked in his shirt tightly and he said thank you. Whew, I learned that sign. Honestly, I laughed a lot. He would make gestures and I would talk to no one in particular and say out loud, we are going to steal first base? You want me to bunt? Dad would smile like he understood but I don't think he did. I was getting frustrated and I know he must have been as well but he was a good sport about it all. I don't know all these gestures. When I would figure it out he would grin from ear to ear. I told him I was his slow daughter. That actually made him laugh.
Once when he pointed to his genital area I was thinking, "Dear Lord what could this mean?" But I had put on his pajama's and the seam was not straight in the front and I assume it was most uncomfortable. So I moved the pj bottoms around and he looked up at me and nodded and smiled. Whew. My mind went to a different scary place. Bad me.
As I type this I realize it sounds like poof - I understood his tap on the side. It did not work that way. The shirt thing took a few minutes. A tap here and a point there. Sometimes I was slow figuring it out. I loved how when I put on his pj's he would stretch his arm out to show me I had to button his sleeves. For the most part, I understood him without words but there were times where if I didn't laugh I would have become frustrated. That would have gotten us both nowhere.
He is cold all the time. When you put on his socks his feet are like size 10 ice cubes. Because of this, he wants the heat on.
It was 86 degrees, which for me is rather nice weather. But inside my home I would have the air on. Especially since the humidity is sky high.
BUT because they keep the house locked up like a fortress so no air is moving in the house at all makes it unbearable. It is hotter than hot. I was closing the blinds to keep the sun out. Opening doors will not help. No screens that work and when I did open windows they were broken. It was stiflingly hot. But apparently to all other humans except my father.
One afternoon I was so hot, my hair was wet and the moisture was running down my neck to my back. Everything was sticking to me. I turned on the A/C. I normally have mine set at 72. So I set it for 74. I knew it would definitely be cooler than the 82 inside the house that the thermostat was reading. My father takes his walker and goes to the thermostat and turns the number up to 80 when I put it to 74. One afternoon he didn't just turn it to 80, he moved it from cool to heat.
HEAT.
He doesn't know anyone but he sure remembered how to do this.
He would fall asleep and I would switch it. It was a constant struggle. Finally, I found a heating pad. While he was in the bathroom I tested it. Medium was too hot and Low was perfect. So as I helped him back to "his chair" I put this on his lap. He adjusted this small hand towel he now must have on his lap for who knows what reason, it is so Rainman like.
He folds it perfectly and puts it on his lap. My father never folded anything this precise. Like I said he did a lot of rituals and it was very much like watching Rainman. He left the heating pad on his lap the whole day until bedtime. He used that heating pad from them on. He even turned it off himself when he got up to go to bed. He never once changed the air temp again. We all could be cool. It was wonderful. It took me two days of feeling like I was in a sweat lodge before I figured this out. Whew. I guess I really am his slow daughter.
You see he doesn't like a blanket around his lap or legs. He wouldn't even let the heating blanket on him. For some reason that is too much for him. The heating pad was just right. My mom said it was genius when she returned and saw this and I laughed. Yep, that's me a regular heating pad savant.
Daddy always says he doesn't want food or drink. You must just make it and give it to him. He will not drink water. So I would put a small glass of juice by his food at breakfast. He sits in what we refer to his chair and then we put his meals, snacks, and beverages on this fancy TV tray that he has next to his chair.
He has his rituals which I have learned those with dementia like to have.
So when he gets up his breakfast is right away. A tiny cup of coffee or juice, cereal with fruit or eggs. But first, he takes his pills. He knows this and won't eat until he takes them. It was a week of routine and rituals. I had to catch up quickly.
After breakfast, the game show channel is on until he goes to bed. My God if I hear the theme song to Family Feud one more time I will explode. It was like Chinese water torture. But come the weekend it was all different. It was a marathon of Cash Cab until 3pm, which apparently he does not like. Oh my goodness, he was so agitated. I searched the guide on the television 2 times looking for a game show. Nothing. He was fiddling with the remote control and now I can't even get the TV to work. So after trying to calm him and figure out the TV I wanted to drink. I went to On Demand and they had the game show network there. He watched family feud on a loop. I wanted to scream but he was now calm and happy. Whew. Big disaster averted. But my goodness I am serious when I say I don't wish to see or hear Steve Harvey ever again. How does my mother do this?
When he fell asleep in his chair I switch the channel. But first I would lower the sound so he wouldn't hear me doing it. I know, he barely hears, one must scream, but I thought it was worth a try. Because my parents live next to Cleveland I knew the baseball game would be on up there and I could just catch the score. My team was playing Cleveland. But as soon as I did it he woke up and grabbed the remote and put in channel 79 so we could watch Family Feud. Oh, my God. That, he remembers.
Dad never really cared for fruit but boy does he now. I saw a cantelope on the counter so I cut it. I cubed the pieces small enough for him and put them on a plate. I had brought with me some raspberries. So I put some on the plate I was bringing him and thought I'd have a few. I put the melon and the berries on a plate and set it on his tray. He looked at it, brought it closer and looked at it again. I picked up a piece and ate it. He did the same. Then he moved his tray to be over his lap and devoured the fruit. You see my father LOVED sweets so I thought he'd like the fruit and sure enough, he did. I poured him some water and put a cucumber in it. He drank it. I was getting him things he never would eat and that was a good thing. He was not going to starve or dehydrate on my watch.
He devoured all his meals and snacks. He loves ice cream and man the 2nd day I just didn't want to give him this because he was cold this wasn't going to help.
I saw individual cups of diced peaches. I opened one and gave it to him with a spoon. He moved it closer and smelled it. Then he inhaled it and drank the fruit juice. He ate it like I had been starving him.
On Wednesday before I got to their house I was in a store and grabbed a peppermint patty. (This is my favorite candy bar.) So I threw it in my purse. On Friday night I poured myself a glass of wine. Dad was sleeping with the Game Show Network blaring and I thought what the hell. I can have one glass. After drinking that glass of wine I thought, gee a piece of chocolate would be great right now. I remember I had that peppermint patty in my purse so I got up to get it from my purse in the bedroom. I opened it on the walk from the bedroom to the family room. Dad was sleeping so I put it on his tray and went into the kitchen to fetch myself a glass of ice water. I came back, he was not only awake, but he ate my candy bar. I laughed. I said, "Hey did you just eat my peppermint patty?" He smiled and nodded. How could I be upset? I laughed and said well I sure hope you enjoyed it. He actually spoke and said it was good. I don't think he realized it wasn't his. I think if something is on his tray it must be for him. I didn't need it anyway but it did make me chuckle.
It's funny he doesn't know me but he remembers being told a long time ago that he needs to walk/exercise more by his doctor. So he will just get up and he and his walker walk in a circle from family room to foyer, down hall to living room, dining room back through the kitchen to the family room again. All of that is actually like a circle. He does this 2 or 3x then sits back in his chair and sleeps.
Between 8 and 9 he goes to bed. Then the ritual of getting him in bed begins.
I won't bore you all with that ritual. But the ending is that he puts his bottom on the bed and I grab his legs and swing them around to get on the bed. I cover him, kiss him and say, I love you, Daddy. He smiles and says, Thank you. He has no idea who the hell I am.
Thank you cracks me up.
He smiles a lot. He seems happy when he is somewhat with it, which is rare. When my cousin stopped by and said, Hi Uncle Georgie, he smiled and nodded. When a photo was taken he sat up straight and smiled like crazy.
I am thankful he isn't mean like some get with this disease. He is nice.
But far less verbal than when I saw him a few months before.
Thankfully there were no eventful things like him having an accident.
He used the toilet but I still had to wash him and change his depends.
I would repeat who I was and what I was going to do then he let me.
He doesn't hear well so Family Feud is loud and on the entire time he is awake.
Then add that I am basically screaming at him so he can hear me. There wasn't much quiet time. Everything was LOUD.
He doesn't get up until 11a so the time in the morning with TV off and quiet was so nice. I would have my coffee on the porch and just enjoy a cool morning before it got hot outside and inside. It was the best of the day. Quiet, I was alone and it was lovely.
I am glad I did it.
It made me appreciate my stepmom even more that is for certain.
I loved this time with my father in an odd way.
But I still feel the same. I wish he could pass. He doesn't deserve to live like this. No one should live like this. This is not life, this is existence.
This big strong man with such pride has been reduced to a child or worse.
It makes me so very sad and I will admit a couple of times I cried.
I am thankful to be home.
Friday, July 13, 2018
Flashback Friday
I'll be back to my regular blogging on Tuesday.
In the meantime here is my last installment of old posts.
Thursday, July 12, 2018
Flashback Thursday or Pee Pee Time
It seems I wrote a lot about this in 2009
Now it's an everyday occurrence so it is not as startling.
Always funny though.
Wednesday, July 11, 2018
Tuesday, July 10, 2018
Flashback Tuesday
Flashback week continues.
Same theme, hearing or lack of and the inability to see what is in front of you.
Monday, July 9, 2018
Flashback week
I'm being blog lazy.
I am moving at 100mph it feels right now.
So not much time to write.
I am taking a lunch break and doing something for me right now.
As I mentioned on Friday I am leaving midweek.
So I am going to pull out old posts for a flashback week.
I have so many new faces I thought you may not have seen these.
To those that did - see you next week when I return with tales to tell of my survival up north.
I was reading Linda's blog post about hearing and it reminded me of this story at a concert.
Click the link above and it will take you there.
Click the link above and it will take you there.
Friday, July 6, 2018
To The North
Updates -
**I did not go to the funeral yesterday.
I sent flowers. I sent personal cards to the brothers and his parents.
That was all I wanted to do and let the guilt go.
**Our neighbor's kitchen cabinets. Well, that was fun.
Her cabinets were used and she did not know this.
Her cabinets weren't real wood. She did not know this.
Until we got there and took things apart that was not known.
It ended up that they had to be painted in the old fashion way.
Because the cabinets were not real wood the UV light did a number on that substrate.
Because painting is a far longer process I had to pitch in and help Rick.
Thank God it is a very small kitchen. I went down there to check on him and saw how this was killing him. I offered to help. He kept saying no, not my responsibility but he appreciated the offer.
Now I saw what he was going through. Taking off the UV, stripping, having to have this done in a timely manner before they return from vacation.
Look blogger friends, I am a killer painter. I have painted my whole house. I painted my cabinets a few years ago. I don't need tape.
Yes, I am that good.
You know how I always say I have no talent.
Well, this is all I can do well sadly.
So I went home and let him think I was staying there. I changed into painting clothes. I grabbed my brushes, my bucket and off I went.
I kicked ass and we got things finished. Whew.
**I have to head north to care for my dad for a week. Everyone is going to my niece's baby shower in Florida. My parents raised my niece from birth. So my niece's mom is her Grandmother. She was begging for her to come for this shower. My mom kept telling her she couldn't leave Dad.
I finally said I would stay and care for him.
Why my mother insists on caring for him instead of getting help is beyond me.
I have tried to talk to her about his and what the insurance will cover etc.
She just gets angry and I get frustrated. My stepmom likes to live with her head in the sand. Her life happens to her. She doesn't make her life. Know what I mean? For a Type A like me, that is so friggin frustrating. I mean like this trip, in her heart of hearts she doesn't want to go. She would rather stay home. But she feels guilty so she is going. Then she becomes an absolute basket case and each time I speak with her it's worse. I told her to just tell her niece. Why does she give more value to her niece's feelings than her own? But that is her and heaven knows she will never change.
They are leaving on the 12th. I arrive the evening of the 11th.
I paid to have them board their stinky cats. I am petrified of cats as I have shared here. I realize it is not logical. But most fears aren't are they? That is mine. Not only do I dislike cats I am so damn scared of them I will never enter a home with them. Mom shouldn't have to pay when this is my issue. So the cats will get boarded and Dad and I are going to deal with one another.
I will work, forwarding the office phones to my cell and I will have my laptop to do work on. This time of year it is slower for us.
Now, Dad. He sleeps a great deal. Doesn't even get up until 11am. My biggest fear other than bathing him is his demeanor with my mom being gone. His dementia is funny, he never forgets who she is and thank God. As for me, he doesn't remember.
So me caring for him may get him agitated. I hope not but we don't know.
If it gets bad we will have to facetime or skype or something. But I worry that it will calm him at that moment but what about the next day?
I know he loves Wheel of Fortune and the Game Show Network. Which sure beats this nun he used to watch on the Catholic Channel. So dementia has helped him in that way. (yes I am going to hell for that) I got the full rundown of his routine from morning meds and meals all the way through bedtime. Helping him put on his pj's because he likes to do it standing up and he falls a lot. He also has Parkinson's. My stepmom spent 15 minutes telling me to have him sit on the bed etc. I know this and felt she was speaking to me like I was an idiot. But I think her fear of leaving him and him getting upset has her so worked up that she just has gone nutso. I am certain we will be fine. I keep trying to calm her but it doesn't work.
Then there is the whole accident piece. He has accidents. He has to be checked and boy that doesn't sound like something I want to do. So I am pulling up my big girl panties and wiping his butt if I have to. Oh boy. Not looking forward to this. Rick said, "well he's your father and I'm sure he wiped your butt"
I looked and Rick and said, "You think my father ever changed a diaper or wipe any of our butts? Are you crazy? My father, who thinks that is women's work?"
When my youngest sister was born, he would hand her to me to change her if mom wasn't there. I was 17. But I understood Rick's point. I should do this for my father for all the wonderful things he has done for me in my lifetime. I get that and I agree with that statement. But that doesn't make that part of it any easier. Bathing and wiping, nope not any easier.
I have one sister left there who is not going to the shower and she would never help so as is usually the case I am left. I offered anyway. I knew those that lived there wouldn't or couldn't. And I know my mom wanted to go on one hand but was nervous to leave dad with anyone on the other.
I doubt I will have time to blog. But then again he goes to bed at 8:30p.
I will either collapse in exhaustion or be full of energy. Who knows.
I know that he is always cold. Sits in a chair with flannel and a blanket on him and he is always saying he's cold. So their house is like a sweat lodge. It is so friggin hot there. I will turn on the A/C and I know he will complain. I think I may be bringing a fan with me so I can at least have some air moving so that I can sleep. I can't sleep in hot. Hell, even in winter in our house we keep the bedroom cold enough to hang meat. 😅
In the meantime, I plan to enjoy this weekend with the hubby before I go.
We are getting a cool spell in late today. It will only be in the 80's and boy is that going to make a great weekend.
Hope you all have a good one!
Stay cool.
**I did not go to the funeral yesterday.
I sent flowers. I sent personal cards to the brothers and his parents.
That was all I wanted to do and let the guilt go.
**Our neighbor's kitchen cabinets. Well, that was fun.
Her cabinets were used and she did not know this.
Her cabinets weren't real wood. She did not know this.
Until we got there and took things apart that was not known.
It ended up that they had to be painted in the old fashion way.
Because the cabinets were not real wood the UV light did a number on that substrate.
Because painting is a far longer process I had to pitch in and help Rick.
Thank God it is a very small kitchen. I went down there to check on him and saw how this was killing him. I offered to help. He kept saying no, not my responsibility but he appreciated the offer.
Now I saw what he was going through. Taking off the UV, stripping, having to have this done in a timely manner before they return from vacation.
Look blogger friends, I am a killer painter. I have painted my whole house. I painted my cabinets a few years ago. I don't need tape.
Yes, I am that good.
You know how I always say I have no talent.
Well, this is all I can do well sadly.
So I went home and let him think I was staying there. I changed into painting clothes. I grabbed my brushes, my bucket and off I went.
I kicked ass and we got things finished. Whew.
**I have to head north to care for my dad for a week. Everyone is going to my niece's baby shower in Florida. My parents raised my niece from birth. So my niece's mom is her Grandmother. She was begging for her to come for this shower. My mom kept telling her she couldn't leave Dad.
I finally said I would stay and care for him.
Why my mother insists on caring for him instead of getting help is beyond me.
I have tried to talk to her about his and what the insurance will cover etc.
She just gets angry and I get frustrated. My stepmom likes to live with her head in the sand. Her life happens to her. She doesn't make her life. Know what I mean? For a Type A like me, that is so friggin frustrating. I mean like this trip, in her heart of hearts she doesn't want to go. She would rather stay home. But she feels guilty so she is going. Then she becomes an absolute basket case and each time I speak with her it's worse. I told her to just tell her niece. Why does she give more value to her niece's feelings than her own? But that is her and heaven knows she will never change.
They are leaving on the 12th. I arrive the evening of the 11th.
I paid to have them board their stinky cats. I am petrified of cats as I have shared here. I realize it is not logical. But most fears aren't are they? That is mine. Not only do I dislike cats I am so damn scared of them I will never enter a home with them. Mom shouldn't have to pay when this is my issue. So the cats will get boarded and Dad and I are going to deal with one another.
I will work, forwarding the office phones to my cell and I will have my laptop to do work on. This time of year it is slower for us.
Now, Dad. He sleeps a great deal. Doesn't even get up until 11am. My biggest fear other than bathing him is his demeanor with my mom being gone. His dementia is funny, he never forgets who she is and thank God. As for me, he doesn't remember.
So me caring for him may get him agitated. I hope not but we don't know.
If it gets bad we will have to facetime or skype or something. But I worry that it will calm him at that moment but what about the next day?
I know he loves Wheel of Fortune and the Game Show Network. Which sure beats this nun he used to watch on the Catholic Channel. So dementia has helped him in that way. (yes I am going to hell for that) I got the full rundown of his routine from morning meds and meals all the way through bedtime. Helping him put on his pj's because he likes to do it standing up and he falls a lot. He also has Parkinson's. My stepmom spent 15 minutes telling me to have him sit on the bed etc. I know this and felt she was speaking to me like I was an idiot. But I think her fear of leaving him and him getting upset has her so worked up that she just has gone nutso. I am certain we will be fine. I keep trying to calm her but it doesn't work.
Then there is the whole accident piece. He has accidents. He has to be checked and boy that doesn't sound like something I want to do. So I am pulling up my big girl panties and wiping his butt if I have to. Oh boy. Not looking forward to this. Rick said, "well he's your father and I'm sure he wiped your butt"
I looked and Rick and said, "You think my father ever changed a diaper or wipe any of our butts? Are you crazy? My father, who thinks that is women's work?"
When my youngest sister was born, he would hand her to me to change her if mom wasn't there. I was 17. But I understood Rick's point. I should do this for my father for all the wonderful things he has done for me in my lifetime. I get that and I agree with that statement. But that doesn't make that part of it any easier. Bathing and wiping, nope not any easier.
I have one sister left there who is not going to the shower and she would never help so as is usually the case I am left. I offered anyway. I knew those that lived there wouldn't or couldn't. And I know my mom wanted to go on one hand but was nervous to leave dad with anyone on the other.
I doubt I will have time to blog. But then again he goes to bed at 8:30p.
I will either collapse in exhaustion or be full of energy. Who knows.
I know that he is always cold. Sits in a chair with flannel and a blanket on him and he is always saying he's cold. So their house is like a sweat lodge. It is so friggin hot there. I will turn on the A/C and I know he will complain. I think I may be bringing a fan with me so I can at least have some air moving so that I can sleep. I can't sleep in hot. Hell, even in winter in our house we keep the bedroom cold enough to hang meat. 😅
In the meantime, I plan to enjoy this weekend with the hubby before I go.
We are getting a cool spell in late today. It will only be in the 80's and boy is that going to make a great weekend.
Hope you all have a good one!
Stay cool.
Thursday, July 5, 2018
Mind Reader
My holiday was odd this year.
And I sort of liked it.
We stayed home. Had to work the day before and the day after so really made no sense to go somewhere. Our vacation is later this summer so we hung around our house.
Rick made a proclamation on Monday that no work was being done on the 4th of July. I laughed. I knew this was directed at me so my Honey-Do list did not rear its head. I asked what he wanted to do and his response was loud and clear - NOTHING AT ALL except maybe nap.
We had a lazy morning and it was wonderful.
Coffee on the deck and then it was too damn hot and we came inside.
Late breakfast made by the man who said he didn't want to do anything.
When I pointed that out he told me that he wasn't doing anything.
Okay then, cook like this for 6 more days in a row!! Do nothing again please!
I began to do things around the house as Rick laid in his recliner watching things he had recorded. But apparently, my doing things made him feel guilty.
He asked me to stop "buzzing" around. I told him he didn't have to feel guilty I want to do some of these things. Just Relax.
When I came down the stairs holding folded dish towels from the laundry room he stood up. "Damn it Margaret now I have to clean the windows!" He was laughing as he said this. I asked him why on earth he felt he had to do this on his day off.
"Because I feel guilty watching you do things and I'm just sitting here."
I shook my head and proceeded to put the clean towels in the drawer.
He and the dog went to get all the window cleaning items from the garage and next thing I know my windows are clean.
He did the back windows and that was enough on his day off.
After he finished up and put things back in the garage he came in the house and made himself a cocktail. He felt he needed to be rewarded apparently.
He sat in his recliner and said, "There, I did something today and I think that is going to be the only thing."
"Okay Rick, but you didn't even have to do that."
"But you won't stop flitting around, just sit with me then woman you are making me feel guilty and you don't want to ruin my day off like that do you?."
OH MY GOD. He is a nut. I didn't want to just sit.
But sit I did. I made us both something to drink and we began to watch a movie. We watched a funny movie with all kinds of twists and turns.
We laughed a lot because this couple was very competitive. Very much like us. We got a kick out of that.
Game Night is the movie. Have you seen it? It was cute.
Jason Bateman, Kyle Chandler, and Rachel McAdams to just name a few.
Then we watched an old movie that is one of my top Romantic Comedies.
Even if the guy dies it's still a romantic comedy to me.
PS I Love You. But they had it so cut up that if I hadn't seen it, most of it wouldn't have made sense. They cut out HUGE sections of the movie. I still love the movie though.
Rick kept saying, see isn't this better? Not really to me.
Finally, he and the dog took a long nap.
I went back upstairs to finish up some laundry and then realized it was a mess in the laundry room "closet"
I moved everything and really cleaned up.
While I clean my mind is all over the place.
I realized I told Rick I would like to have the back windows cleaned by Sunday, July 8th.
You probably wonder why I would ever say a specific date don't you?
Well, I will share.
You see Rick and I had pre-martial counseling many moons ago.
When we moved in together I would get so angry when I would ask him to do something and it wasn't done. What I was made to realize is that I wanted it done now and I should say so.
Rick thought I asked and as long as it was done that was good enough.
So I explained that if I wanted it done and was asking I meant now, how can't he know that?
He thought if I asked as long as it got done it didn't matter when.
The counselor pointed out that I was expecting Rick to read my mind.
Saying he should know wasn't fair to him. Okay, I see that now.
Rick saw my point and asked me to just tell him when and he will do it.
Okay, I can do that. Wow, that easy. That eliminated all arguments.
So we both made a change. I always give a time frame and if I didn't he would repeat do you want it done now?
As time went on he never has had to doubt. I just say, can you help me to do such and such on Saturday? Or can you have this done by Wednesday morning because we have guests coming. If I just say Wednesday it could be 5 minutes before company arrives. So I am very specific.
It's funny I suppose if you hear us but it works.
He understands what I want, I am happy because he does it and I don't have to say something again like a nag. I am not asking him to read my mind and assume he should just know.
In fact, that comment from women now drives me nuts. You know the one, "I shouldn't have to tell him he should just know"
Men are not mind readers, tell them, then they will know!
Trust me this has worked wonders!
So in the last 25 or more years I now say things like, Can you please do this or that today for me? or by Monday afternoon before you leave?
Something like that.
It was amazing how fast things were done if I asked in a way he understood my need. So I always try to remember he is not a mind reader. And I am not either, it works both ways.
Rather apparent really he can't read minds. If he was a mind reader his socks and underwear would not be lying on the floor where he took them off to shower.
😉
And I sort of liked it.
We stayed home. Had to work the day before and the day after so really made no sense to go somewhere. Our vacation is later this summer so we hung around our house.
Rick made a proclamation on Monday that no work was being done on the 4th of July. I laughed. I knew this was directed at me so my Honey-Do list did not rear its head. I asked what he wanted to do and his response was loud and clear - NOTHING AT ALL except maybe nap.
We had a lazy morning and it was wonderful.
Coffee on the deck and then it was too damn hot and we came inside.
Late breakfast made by the man who said he didn't want to do anything.
When I pointed that out he told me that he wasn't doing anything.
Okay then, cook like this for 6 more days in a row!! Do nothing again please!
I began to do things around the house as Rick laid in his recliner watching things he had recorded. But apparently, my doing things made him feel guilty.
He asked me to stop "buzzing" around. I told him he didn't have to feel guilty I want to do some of these things. Just Relax.
When I came down the stairs holding folded dish towels from the laundry room he stood up. "Damn it Margaret now I have to clean the windows!" He was laughing as he said this. I asked him why on earth he felt he had to do this on his day off.
"Because I feel guilty watching you do things and I'm just sitting here."
I shook my head and proceeded to put the clean towels in the drawer.
He and the dog went to get all the window cleaning items from the garage and next thing I know my windows are clean.
He did the back windows and that was enough on his day off.
After he finished up and put things back in the garage he came in the house and made himself a cocktail. He felt he needed to be rewarded apparently.
He sat in his recliner and said, "There, I did something today and I think that is going to be the only thing."
"Okay Rick, but you didn't even have to do that."
"But you won't stop flitting around, just sit with me then woman you are making me feel guilty and you don't want to ruin my day off like that do you?."
OH MY GOD. He is a nut. I didn't want to just sit.
But sit I did. I made us both something to drink and we began to watch a movie. We watched a funny movie with all kinds of twists and turns.
We laughed a lot because this couple was very competitive. Very much like us. We got a kick out of that.
Game Night is the movie. Have you seen it? It was cute.
Jason Bateman, Kyle Chandler, and Rachel McAdams to just name a few.
Then we watched an old movie that is one of my top Romantic Comedies.
Even if the guy dies it's still a romantic comedy to me.
PS I Love You. But they had it so cut up that if I hadn't seen it, most of it wouldn't have made sense. They cut out HUGE sections of the movie. I still love the movie though.
Rick kept saying, see isn't this better? Not really to me.
Finally, he and the dog took a long nap.
I went back upstairs to finish up some laundry and then realized it was a mess in the laundry room "closet"
I moved everything and really cleaned up.
While I clean my mind is all over the place.
I realized I told Rick I would like to have the back windows cleaned by Sunday, July 8th.
You probably wonder why I would ever say a specific date don't you?
Well, I will share.
You see Rick and I had pre-martial counseling many moons ago.
When we moved in together I would get so angry when I would ask him to do something and it wasn't done. What I was made to realize is that I wanted it done now and I should say so.
Rick thought I asked and as long as it was done that was good enough.
So I explained that if I wanted it done and was asking I meant now, how can't he know that?
He thought if I asked as long as it got done it didn't matter when.
The counselor pointed out that I was expecting Rick to read my mind.
Saying he should know wasn't fair to him. Okay, I see that now.
Rick saw my point and asked me to just tell him when and he will do it.
Okay, I can do that. Wow, that easy. That eliminated all arguments.
So we both made a change. I always give a time frame and if I didn't he would repeat do you want it done now?
As time went on he never has had to doubt. I just say, can you help me to do such and such on Saturday? Or can you have this done by Wednesday morning because we have guests coming. If I just say Wednesday it could be 5 minutes before company arrives. So I am very specific.
It's funny I suppose if you hear us but it works.
He understands what I want, I am happy because he does it and I don't have to say something again like a nag. I am not asking him to read my mind and assume he should just know.
In fact, that comment from women now drives me nuts. You know the one, "I shouldn't have to tell him he should just know"
Men are not mind readers, tell them, then they will know!
Trust me this has worked wonders!
So in the last 25 or more years I now say things like, Can you please do this or that today for me? or by Monday afternoon before you leave?
Something like that.
It was amazing how fast things were done if I asked in a way he understood my need. So I always try to remember he is not a mind reader. And I am not either, it works both ways.
Rather apparent really he can't read minds. If he was a mind reader his socks and underwear would not be lying on the floor where he took them off to shower.
😉
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