Floating Boobs and Walking Away

When our block was new everyone was either new to the area or new to the city. (like us)
So we all were very social and anxious to meet people. 
A lot of partying on the patios or decks.  A lot of summer BBQ's etc.
No one had children at that time and it was very free flowing, spontaneous and fun.

One evening we were going over to the couple on the corner. 
We will call this couple Sue and Bob. (not their real names)
Sue was a stay at home "something."
I say something because she did not have children, she did not clean her own home, she did not make meals because she had a personal chef and she had a trainer who came to her home. So what she did with her time is lost on me. 

She was extremely shallow and slow.  Not a good combo but she was just a wee bit odd as well which intrigued me at times.
She would never allow me to drive if she was coming along because I had a Jeep Grand Cherokee and not a nice upscale car like hers. (please!)
I tried to bribe her one winter day by saying, "my Jeep has leather seats and I have seat warmers."  
Oh no she tells me she likes to drive.  (like I didn't see through that)

Over wine one day she admits that she prefers to be seen in her cars than a Jeep or an Accord. For some reason this always makes me laugh.  Even when I could afford her type car I never wanted to pay it.  
I just don't care about that type of thing.  
Everyone has different priorities and my car name wasn't one of them. 

One day she asked me why I worked. 
One time I said because my husband was not an attorney. (hers was)
But then I felt bad after I said it because it was as though my husband's position wasn't enough...and it was.
The 2nd time she asked me this I told her that I work because we liked to eat.
The 3rd time she asked I turned it around and asked, "Why don't you work?"
That stopped those types of questions.

The evening at Sue and Bobs was a typical summer evening. 
All mingling on their patio drinking wine and spirits. 
There were various ages, sizes and demographics and all having a very good time.
Then Sue yells, "hey everybody want to get in the Jacuzzi now?" 
Someone says something about not having a suit and they both say in unison, "Oh NO suits in the jacuzzi!"
The next thing I know she comes out in a robe and her hubby is removing the cover.
People begin to disperse.
Some are planning to stay and some look at one another like "WTF no suits?"

Bob says to Rick and me, "You guys aren't going home now are you?"
I look at Rick and say, "I don't care if you stay but I am not getting naked with my neighbors."
Rick was feeling no pain let me tell you. 
He then whispers to me that Sue has shown most of her body anyway but he really wanted to see those fake boobies and see if they float and come to the surface like real big ones do. 

Ah yes, that is my husband. But he does make me laugh and I too wondered if fake boobs float to the surface like real ones do. So I figured I'd get the full rundown when he got home. 

I seriously didn't care if he stayed but I just couldn't do it.
I so did not want to see Bob's penis and then see him at the mailbox and try to not have THAT picture in my head.  No way. 
I just felt it was completely inappropriate to get naked with the neighbors. 
Apparently, I was the odd one out.

Bob says, "Peg are you leaving because you are chubby now are you?" 

"Ah, No Bob my weight isn't the issue here - getting naked with my neighbors is the issue."
He has a very big chuckle over this and now everyone is staring at me.

Sue says, "Peg we don't care about you being chubby c'mon just take off your clothes and get in, it'll be fun"
I say AGAIN, "I don't care about being chubby either it is not about size here, it's about being inappropriate to see my neighbors genitalia"
Everyone is now laughing.  Everyone thinks I am just being a comic.
I am a bit stunned.

I just shake my head and hope to God they are all drunk because to me this is just nuts.

Bob and Sue knew about my medical issues and what was going on and I was in the throes of it then. They knew it caused weight gain and that I was embarrassed by it because I had no control.  So I understood where they were coming from but I couldn't make them understand it wasn't my weight that was my issue.  If I was at my fighting weight I would never ever do this, it just wasn't me.  I'd get naked with hubby in the jacuzzi but not with the neighbors!

So after a great deal of back and forth of everyone telling me, I looked fine I said my good nights and told Rick to enjoy. 
I whispered, "you can tell me about her boobs when you get home."  and I kissed him on the check. 
He looked alarmed, "I'm not going to stay if you aren't."
So off to our home we go.  
On the walk home I asked him why he didn't stay.
He said, "Were you really serious about me staying?"
Me: "Yes I was fine with it."
Rick: "Well I felt like it might be a test and I'm drunk enough to not be sure so I thought coming home was a safe bet."
Honest to Pete this man makes me laugh.  Looking back that was probably a good call on his part being that he was 3 sheets to the wind.

Fast forward 2 weeks and Bob and Sue are over our home for some wine and munchies.
I took off my boots while sitting on the ottoman and then my socks. 
Sue asks what I am doing.  
I then stand up and take off a sweater.  (still wearing a blouse) 
I say I am getting naked since I missed out the other night. 
Sue and Bob share a glance of panic. 
Rick smiles at me knowing what I am going to do without me ever telling him beforehand.

I say to Sue, "Aren't you going to take things off?  I don't care that you are so damn skinny"
Sue looks like the proverbial deer in the headlights.
Bob jumps in and says, "You just want us all to be naked and sitting n your great room?"
"Why sure!  Or is it only appropriate to be naked with your neighbors if water is involved?"
Bob: "Touche"

Sue not being the brightest bulb in the box needed Bob to explain to her what was going on.  When she thought she understood she said, "Oh Peg you're a big nut! And we still don't care that you are now chubby."

OMG this woman!!

So apparently the rule of thumb err penis is you can wear your freak naked flag with your neighbors if water is involved but not if you are just sitting around drinking in the living room.  
Just so you know.  I guess there is naked etiquette here that I was unaware of.
I'm just sharing. You're welcome.