Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Merry Christmas.

If you celebrate Christmas -
MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Merry Festivus for the rest of us.

See you after the holiday.


Monday, December 22, 2014

Scrooge McChristmas

We've been having a ton of fun over here in Straight Up No Chaser Land.

Our fridge has decided over this past year to freeze everything in the crispers and deli drawer no matter how low you have it. The same with the back of the fridge on the shelves. 
As common sense would dictate, we lowered everything as much as possible. The fridge needs to be cold for heaven's sake so it can only be lowered so much and still keep our food cold. 
The freezer stopped producing ice as well.

Now we have a home warranty and this falls under that warranty. That means to have these things fixed/looked at is a service call of $75. If they deem it necessary to get new they pay for the new one.
We have had them out 4 times over the last 2 years to work on the just the freezer/ $75 a pop.
So we just gave up - can't be fixed but they won't get us a new one. We began buying bags of ice every week. We do love our ice but honestly buying ice is so stupid to me. As for the fridge we've had them out and they put in this part and that and then it works for awhile and then it begins to freeze again. I have come to so hate my fridge (amana) Everything in my house, including my fat ass, is falling apart. All things are 15 years old and just slowing going.
I've replaced the original stove and microwave and now this fridge and dishwasher are next.

We have looked at refrigerators over the last couple of years and then something else comes up and we will decide we can't do that at this time, you know like eating and a mortgage.
And like my vacuum I am not thrilled spending thousands of dollars for an appliance. 
A vacation, yes. An appliance, well, it doesn't make me as happy. I mean have you priced a good fridge lately?  My niece who just graduated from college with a master degree working as a psychologist isn't make that much money in a month! C'mon!!

On Black Friday my husband saw the fridge we liked on sale for $1,500 less than normal.
But we didn't have the extra because his needed all this work done on his work van and other assorted shitty things that life throws at you.  Then a week later he said, "lets go inside and look at it again"
Okay let me touch it, feel it, see how it won't freeze all my food but yet is able to freeze water into cubes.  Is that so much to ask for from my fridge really?

We walked into the store and low and behold it was right out front. The sales man came over and said he was about to change the price. He said LG is keeping the Black Friday price through the end of the year. We bit the bullet. We put money down and they said when the fridge is back in stock they will call us. I can't wait. I just bought 2 more bags of ice on Saturday. Saturday we had friends over and most of the ice is gone. Damn drinkers. So back to get more ice today...Gosh I won't miss that at all.

While we were there we saw a dishwasher that I had just read in consumer reports as being the best. It was $350 less on sale. So Merry Christmas to Rick and Peg, we got new appliances.
They won't be here until January sometime though.And that's another thing.When I spend this kind of money I want instant gratification.  I don't want to give you all my money and then wait for the shiny new things to show up eventually. 

I don't recall my parents getting new appliances every 15 years or did they? 
That seems to be the life span of all things around my house of late.
I am dreaming of opening my deli drawer to soft cheese and not frozen cheese.
I want to open my freezer and have cubes of ice for my beverage. 
Margaret's Christmas dream.

Saturday morning when I went online to see if a check had cleared that we had some concern over (customers check)  I saw that someone had somehow gotten Ricks work debit card and took $1700 from our account. Great! Rick has the card on his person so how did this happen?It showed as an ATM withdrawl. How would they get his pin?  He had not used this card for anything other than work supplies, home depot type stores and gas. He never ever uses an ATM.  I immediately call the bank. There is nothing they can do for me until Tuesday. The charges are sitting in pending. They can't see the store, the city, etc where this took place just yet. 
The people who did this are so much smarter than me because I don't get how they used an ATM without a pin. They charged it all in increments. $600, then $200 etc. ARGH!

We immediately closed out the card yet again. So tired of this. When we went to the bank they told us the same thing that they told me from the 800 number over the phone. But we filled out some paperwork. I asked why this happens to us. We are so careful.  We are doing all things right per the bank. People just suck. They went on and on about how this happens all the time and this time of year is far worse. They told us that that day alone they had already had several bad checks and it will only get worse the closer it gets to the holiday. 

I hope whomever did this buys something that breaks immediately or is stolen from them.
I'm a scrooge like that.

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Beginning to Look a lot like Christmas....

Is it where you live?

It's sunny and cold here. Yes, cold to me, in the mid 40's.  It could be worse. I have lived in worse. That is why I live here now. The older I get the more I wonder if I could deal with palm trees this time of year. 

I went to UPS to ship packages and every one was surly, mean and uncooperative so it must be the holidays right? And that was just the UPS workers. 
The mean woman in line 2 in front of me was a piece of work. 
She was uncooperative and mean and extremely loud. 
It's funny how all the mean ones are always so loud. 
I had several heavy packages in my arms and one on the ground that was too heavy.. 
I put the heavy one on the ground and just moved it with my feet.  
Not one young man (and there were 5 there)  asked me if I needed help as they watched me struggle with the boxes and that's okay, I handled it just fine. 
The 5 young men also had all the carts and that is why I had to hold and kick my boxes.
But what I found interesting is that the man that did ask if he could help me was like 80+ years old.  He couldn't have helped me.  He probably breathed a sigh of relief when I said no. 
He is probably just used to being kind like that and forgetting he is now frail and over 80. 
If the tables had been turned I would have been asking him if I could help him. 
I thanked him and said I had it under control and wished him a Merry Christmas. 
He shuffled out but not before he held the door for me. 

I am not a fan of this holiday season, so much so that if I could just run away until January 3rd I'd do it each and every year. But I'm poor and can't do that. 

I wonder when it all went to hell in a hand basket for me?

I loved Christmas as a kid, of course I did. I did nothing. I just got stuff. 
I was with my family and cousins and hung out, ate cookies, played and got gifts. 
What the hell is not to love?
I truly loved having our families at our home or going to their homes and the eating and playing. I also loved making cookies with my mom.  Our house was a buzz constantly for weeks and it was all just fun to me. My poor mother! 
My favorite cookies she only made at the holidays so I always helped making those. :-)  
I love pizzelles!  (Anise pizzelles. ) 
Back in those days the pizzelle iron was truly a heavy cast iron tool. When I was real young I could never lift it let alone lift and turn it over. My mom had to do that for me. They were so much work that I now understand why she only made them at Christmas. 
Today we have electric ones like a waffle maker. So much easier.

In my 20's I still liked Christmas. 
Then I hit 29 and I was not living close to anyone in my family. The stress of HAVING  to buy things when I really couldn't afford it.  The stress of HAVING to be somewhere you don't want to be. That went on for years.
Then in my 40's it all just hit an all time high of stress and obligation for me.
I traveled every day. I was stressed like one can only be with the type of job I had. 
I had work pressures and expectations, I had 2 sets of family pressures and expectations, I had the entitlement area I live in adding expectations to the pile I personally had. And let us not forget the need to HAVE to buy everyone something.  Ah, family. The stress of getting stuck coming home from visiting family in a snow storm in the mountains. That was something I don't wish to live through again. And then the guilt of not going north during the holidays from them.

Then there is my community. Oh my goodness. When I was traveling all the time the last thing I was thinking about was decorating my home on the outside. I was stressed doing all that had to be done and decorating the tree and inside of my home. I believe I may have mentioned this before, but one of my neighbors actually had the cogliones to ring my bell and ask me why I have nary a wreath on my door. I admit I was flabbergasted. 
I told her that if she wanted to decorate my home I would not be upset. I explained that I don't have time and neither does Rick because he travels as much as I do. It just wasn't a priority.
(she is a kept woman and did not work outside the home or inside the home, she had a cook, personal trainer come to her home,yard person, cleaning lady and NO KIDS)
With her hands on her hips, she turned and walked away.  That night I told Rick I was going to buy a menorah and put it in our window and perhaps that would make everyone back off.

Ah, yes I love this time of year. I must say that turning 50 allowed me to just say Screw It!
Like Christmas Cards. I remember throwing them in my briefcase to take on a trip with me.  
I foolishly thought I would write them and address them while in my hotel in the evening.
But instead I worked, fell asleep on my laptop and brought them home with me after a 3 state trip. That year my Xmas cards traveled across America before finally getting to their destinations.  Then I just stopped sending them all together.   Until this year. 
I did send a few this years because I WANTED TO, not because I felt I had to. 
I also don't go north and no longer feel guilty about it. See you in Spring is my motto.
As for gifts, that too has been cut down to the bear minimum with no guilt.
I don't wish to partake in a lot of this holiday season. I do like to take stock of what I am thankful for, talking to those I love, and not doing things I don't wish to do.  

See I said something good about being old?  I let go of all the other shit. 
If someone doesn't like it. So be it. Their issue not mine. 

I hope you all have the Holiday Season you need and want this year.
May it be peaceful and filled with love.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

The Affair

Any of you watching The Affair on Showtime?
I know of no one and I want to discuss this crazy good show.

If you don't watch it let me explain something.
It is written in a way that is interesting, confusing and makes me talk back to my tv.

I caught it as a replay one evening when my insomnia brought me downstairs. I turned on the TV and Showtime came on and the show was just beginning. I thought, I'm wide awake, let's check this out. I had no idea what I was getting into.

I missed the first episode, actually I think I came in on the 3rd.  I was so very confused but was so drawn into these families. I found episode 2 later in the week and that helped me get caught up. The next episode I realized that this story was told from two different people. Jeez, I'm slow. You see they tell the story as Part 1: Alison and then Part 2: Noah.
I realized that Noah saw her in a sexy dress. When Alison told the story she was in shorts and a t-shirt. I was thinking: Whoa! she wasn't wearing that. That's when I "got" it. As this story has gone on from both sides I find it more and more interesting and can't wait for the next episode.

There was a story line where Noah was talking to his wife and when he was telling the story what she said was far different from the other persons story. What he heard and what was said were far apart. But that is how it is a great deal of the time isn't it? Heaven knows my husband hears things at times that was never uttered by me, just his imagination and interpretation.

Not only is this about an affair but a murder. I don't know who died, who killed who and honestly I'm not clear on much. But trust me I am so sucked into this show I can't wait for Sunday night.

The final episode is this Sunday. I don't want it to end but at the same time I can't wait to see how this plays out. I hope they replay the season because I must get Rick to watch this. I need to discuss this with someone. I know if he sees all the boobs and sex, he'll watch it. Yes, he's like a 12 year old boy. But aren't they all?

Monday, December 8, 2014

How To Tell if You are a Geezer

Oh sure I tell you guys daily how things hit me in the face to tell me I'm old.
 But this weekend sealed the deal. I got a new vacuum and I am beyond thrilled.
See?  Who the hell gets excited about vacuuming?   Not me. 
But this new gadget made me  giddy as a tween at a One Direction concert.

I have to vacuum every day.  I have a dog.  I furminate her weekly but that doesn't matter.
Between Messy Marvin (aka Rick) and a dog my home can be a nightmare in 1 day.
On Saturday, November 29th my vacuum just died while I was doing my stairs.  
I thought it had come unplugged. No such luck, it was dead.  
Nooooo.......I need to vacuum, people are on their way over here. 

We found that the cost to fix it was more than the cost to get a new one, the exact same one no less.   Rick was convinced we had to really pay for a good vacuum because these cheap shits we've been buy (and not really cheap to me I might add but under $500) were dying every 5 years.  But of course I fought him on this because it's our slowest time of the year right now. Money going out and not much coming in. Not a great scenario to spend so much when we have Xmas gifts to buy etc. Aargh. Damn vacuum!!  Perhaps we could live under a mountain of dirt, dog hair and allergens I suggest. Rick's eyebrow goes up.

We (I)  sucked it up and bought a Dyson65  for animals as well as human messes all over the house. This machine was advertised as one for animals and the most powerful suction etc. 
It had me at the animal part.
Bottom line, I did not have a vacuum for a week. It drove me nuts. 

I actually used a broom on my hardwood floors like the old days. I shook area rugs. 
I don't like living like Little House on The Prairie. 
I like my modern comforts like washing machines and vacuums. 

This purple machine arrived on Friday late afternoon.  It came with a manual that was in picture form. After work Rick and I attempted to put this together. 
We had such a laughing jag due to this manual.   
You see, we have put together enough IKEA stuff in our day with the round stick man with no eyes or face.  Stick man just points to things or is doing things that we can't understand.  

If you've never seen the faceless IKEA man he's round and he will bend and stick out his arm but your picture may be off and it doesn't make any sense because he is not pointing to anything at all. 
You figure out later that IKEA stick man is bent over from laughing at you numbnuts trying to put this together by looking at a round stick person with no face! (rick's daughter tells me the newer manuals for IKEA have a partial face now - good to note)

Dyson's manual has only an eye. Not a cyclops, no face, just a floating eye. 
It is just an eye. Weird huh? 

We got to laughing because I swore the eye was telling us to do one thing and Rick of course thought the eye was looking at another area. At one point Rick threw the damn manual on the floor and proclaimed, "The round IKEA man with no face needs this Dyson eye and maybe then the little fucker could see what the hell we are supposed to do."  
Oh he was frustrated.  But thankfully we were both still laughing like crazy. 
The wine may have contributed.

I never got to vacuum until late Saturday. We finally got it put together and then decided, let's move all the furniture on the first floor. 
Whoo - ooh, now that's a Saturday night of fun isn't it? I know you're all so very jealous of my Saturday night. Songs will be written about it. Vacuuming, moving furniture, all the while drinking cocktails and wine and singing to the stereo.  Norman Rockwell would be proud of our domestic sight. The dog napped on the 1st floor landing because this new purple machine scared the hell out of her. 

We took turns using this new machine. Trust me, that will be the last time you'll ever see Rick touch the vacuum unless I ask him to bring it to me. 

But here's the worst part.  Here I am vacuuming all the time and thinking things aren't so bad yet after using this new vacuum we were both appalled.  We emptied the canister 2 times for the 1 st floor and steps. Two more times from the hall and master bedroom. (which had just been done yes a week ago but it still shouldn't have found this much!) 
I didn't get a chance to go to the 3rd floor, that will be my exciting Monday night. 
I seriously felt like we were disgusting after using this. Here we are both thinking that this place was clean and WOW it apparently wasn't as clean as we thought. It even plumped up our carpet that I hate. 

So now I could do a commercial for this thing I like it so much.  It's warranty lasts longer than the life of my previous 3 vacuums so hopefully it will last as long as they say. No more Kenmore's or Hoovers or the like for me.  No, I have now been spoiled. 

The only thing that could make this better is if a cleaning lady was pushing this thing around my house, now that would all be perfect!!

Thursday, December 4, 2014

What's in a Name?....Tony.

Don't all Italian American people have an Uncle Tony or a Tony in their family?
I've had a couple.  The last one just passed away this week.  He was 95. 
He was my fathers brother.  My dad has 1 sister left and she too is in her 90's.
Dad will be 87 in February, he was the baby.  87 and the baby. Funny huh?

My fathers name is George. He was the baby and the lucky one born right here in the USA in NJ in 1928.  
Because his mother barely spoke English his birth certificate says Georgia. 
That is how it sounded to the nurses and doctors when she said his name and instead of assuming it was George since he was a male, they put Georgia on his birth certificate. 
If you've ever heard an Italian speak English they do say it just like that so I get it. 
It still makes me laugh though.

I have been trying to do a family tree and it has been so damn difficult.
You see my fathers family has a lot of shame. So the stories have holes in them with things they won't discuss. Each of my cousins have gotten different pieces and we have all tried to put the puzzle together. When I was on ancestory.com there were so many people with the same name and some with the same first name and misspelled last names. There are thousands of Giuseppe's, Angelo's and the like with the same Italian last name.
This makes doing this so tedious and time consuming, at least to me. 

I found a Rosa and a Ralph with the wrong spelling of the last name. It was spelled phonetically so I thought that could be associated with the family. I clicked on it and it gave me the census report for that year. It had all my uncles and aunts and my father listed in the family so it was the right family just the wrong first name for Grandma (but very close) and spelling of the last name.

So you add in my families shame and the language barrier and spelling errors and it's a damn nightmare.
You see my Grandmother ran away with her children with a man that was a border in her home. Her home she shared with her husband.
She came here with a man that wasn't her husband. She never married him because she never got a divorce from the first one. These things were whispered in my family for ages. 
Why I don't know. We had Uncles with a different last name and they were my fathers brothers so we kids assumed she was married before. But apparently not.
In today's world that is not a big deal. She would have been able to divorce and remarry.  
My sister says it's because our Grandma was a slut and then we all laugh. 
Who knows and honestly who cares. I just want some pieces of the puzzle to align and fit.

We know when she came to America. We know that she brought her children with her from her first husband and she had 4 more. (11 kids - I just heard about one I never knew existed because he had died as a toddler) We know that they were poor. He (the man she left her husband for, my grandfather) was a machinist and she was a stay at home mom.
Never really speaking great English that's for sure.I never knew my Grandfather, he died before I was born.

I also have seen things with the right last name and associated with the right family but Grandpa's first name is different. I asked my step mom if perhaps he was in trouble with the law or in the mafia or something. She said, "Again this is not talked about except one time your dad had a few drinks and said he hung with a bad crowd for awhile.  What that means is anyone's guess Peg. You know how they are."
 So she said that could be why the different name or perhaps it really was nothing at all. 
We just don't know. My cousin asked his mom before she died if Grandpa was in the Mafia and she slapped him.  So if he was Mafioso, good to know it stopped with that generation.

When I was a kid Grandma would only wear dresses with pockets in them.  What they called, 'house dresses'  I remember a Christmas when my mom was buying her a dress and she sewed pockets on the dress. When I asked why she told me it was because Grandma always had to have her rosary in her pockets.  
I saw her constantly saying her rosaries. I just never knew that was why the pockets had to be on all her dresses. So when my mom told me this I never questioned it any more than that.   Later in life I was told that she did this because she was repenting for her sins.  When I asked what sins they told me to "never you mind"   I was just a kid then, under 13 since my mom was still alive. 

My Grandmother had even built an altar in her bedroom and was always praying. I guess what she did to her family was something she had tremendous guilt about. Guilt is a horrible thing, it really can suck the life out of you. It is good to have to a point sure. But apologize, make it up to people, whatever, then move on. Apparently she couldn't.  I know her kids all have issues about their childhood, some big issues that have plagued them for years.  I wondered if she ever actually apologized to them. 
Yet, they revere her as Saint Rose, which I find odd too for all the things she did to those poor kids. 

Another thing I found very interesting is the schooling tab on the census. These people did not have a great deal of education. To be honest, when I looked at most families they didn't have a lot of education on the census. You didn't see a lot of college/university on there from 1920-30's. To think what they accomplished with so little is really a testament to hard work. 
All their children growing up and being successful and having kids they could send to college too who also became successful. I wish more young people could see this. To truly understand how hard these people worked to make a better life. Today we are all so unappreciative and lazy in so many ways. I know my father had to quit school and he got his GED I believe through the Navy. He went on to be a Master Plumber in Commercial and Industrial Plumbing. While that is not white collar, he did well.  He made an upper middle class life for his family.  He worked hard and for what he had. I appreciate and admire that. And seeing that in print really hit me. My Grandmother only went to 6th grade. Born in 1891 makes me think that they didn't give a hoot about educating women as much as men. Or it was because she was poor.  I don't know. I do wish I had had the curiosity about all this when I was younger so I could have asked her more about this. 

The more I delve into this family tree the more bizarre it is to me. Sadly those that are left, my father and his sister, don't remember a great deal or won't talk about it. Why do we need that information my father asked one time and then he walked away. That I knew, meant to let it go.

My mothers side of the family hasn't been any easier for me.  They are all gone. Not a single person from her immediate family is alive. I am having difficulty with names etc. Again my mean grandmother on my moms side is Thomasina and then I see it spelled Tomasina in other places. So I am searching them all. I may never finish this.

I would love to be picked to be on the show, "Who do you think you are?"
Not that I think we will be royalty like you sometimes see on the show. 
No, don't think that will happen. 
Apparently only poor sluts and bad boys, but it would still be nice to know.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Cranky Santa

Last night I meet the worlds oldest crankiest doctor ever.
Allow me to set the picture for you.

I had to return to the ENT office but this time I had to see the doctor, where as last time I saw the doctor who did hearing tests.

This man was as old as dirt.  He was a grumpy old Gus as well. He did not smile.
He looked like Santa Claus, with his white hair that was way too long. 
He had a big ole belly like Santa too.  He wore a red lab coat and with his white hair I swear he could have been Santa at any Mall.  

He was so old that he wore something I have only seen in books or old movies.  
I don't know what they are called but they are  a shiny metal disc in the front and it is attached to a head band that wraps around his head. 
I think they are used as a reflector of light but I do not know for certain.
He really looked like something out of a Norman Rockwell painting with a hint of Santa.

This Cranky Santa Man was going to remove skin that had grown over my ear drum.
They think this was caused from an infection long ago, but they aren't certain.
I was telling the audiologist that this right ear felt like it had water in it or was plugged and it hurt a bit.  So after she looked at it she said I had to go back to him to have it removed.

I was told by Cranky Santa that this wouldn't hurt at all. No need for numbing he tells me after I asked. I lay on the table and he shows me what he is going to do.  He puts this thing in my ear that looked just like a funnel.  Then he showed me the forceps he was going to use to remove this layer of skin over my ear drum. 
He said, "it may pinch so don't move"

PINCH?  If that is a pinch I hate like hell to know what pain is to this guy. 
It hurt like hell. I must say I was shocked by that because honestly I just didn't think it would be anything at all. It felt like a pin pricking along with intense pressure.

Apparently I moved. So he said, "we'll take a break for a minute."
I swear he no sooner said that and he started again. Then he said, "I'm going to stop again and rest my hand and we'll continue is that okay?"  
What am I going to say, No?

He continues and I am putting on my strong face while squeezing the sides of the table with white knuckles.  I am trying to pretend this doesn't hurt one bit.
Finally he finishes and shows me this piece of skin in the shape of my ear drum.
As soon as he got it off I knew. It was as though I was wearing ear muffs and suddenly took them off.Or another way to explain it is when your ears pop and they feel so much better and you can hear better.  That was the feeling....along with intense pain. 

I asked if this could come back. He said, possibly. Never looking up from his folder.
Then he walked out. Guess I'm done then.
So I walk to the reception area and he comes out with my "hearing" folder. 
I asked if removing that would have improved my hearing test.  

He looked over the my results and looked at me and said, "I know what you want to me to say, but I'm sorry it wouldn't have made a difference." This was the first time he smiled and he patted my shoulder in a Cranky Grandfather way.  
He then saw me hold/press on my ear and he said, "Does it still hurt?"
"Yes, it sure does."
"Just go home and take an aspirin you'll be fine, you're a tough girl" he says as he just walks away.

As I stood there paying my bill it was now throbbing like it had a heart beat all its own.
Pain and a heart beat, what every girl wants.

I said to the woman signing me out, "I would think I'd get something to numb this while he did it and possibly  something for afterwards"  
She laughed and told me that Cranky Santa doesn't believe in pain pills or numbing, he thinks we are all just big babies and we just have to suck it up.
Lovely. Me? I prefer better living through modern chemistry.

So today while it feels better to not have the pressure and water in my ear feeling.  It is still throbbing and I have pain. Hopefully that will be gone soon. I took aspirin all day.

Karma for Cranky Santa is going to be a real bitch when he gets sick.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Can You Hear Me?

Chances are I can't hear you.  
Especially if your voice is in the lower register.
I had my hearing test. Oiy Vay.

Last week I had the dreaded test. 
My doctor was Dr. Liz. She was a kind younger woman of perhaps 40. She enunciated very well but then I thought she must have to for folks who can't hear. Her enunciation was so perfect as I remember my grade school speech teacher speaking.

Dr. Liz asked me what first made me aware of a loss of hearing.
I explained it started with TV. 
Before the TV stuff,  I now look back and realized that there were times when Rick and I would be out in a crowded restaurant and bar and we couldn't hear one another. 
Then there was our old microwave.  I could hear the microwave 'beep' go off but not the microwave timer 'beep'.  Rick would say, "Margaret, the timers been going off."   Oops.

Then Grey's Anatomy began. The music on that show seemed loud to me and it muffled all the actors voices for me.   So one night as I am watching this show in bed, Rick began falling asleep and asked me to lower the TV.  
Now I could hear nothing but the damn music because it was so low.
So I turned on the closed captions.  Hey, that worked!  
Rick could sleep and I could watch television.

Then I began using closed captions a lot.  Some shows more than others.  
So that is what I shared with Dr. Liz about how I first noticed there is a real problem.

After some chit chat with Dr. Liz she sent me into a sound proof booth/ room. 
As I am entering I'm thinking, are you supposed to hear in a sound proof booth? 
Or is this only my thinking? really?

I sit in a chair and she put these things in my ears that felt like pressure and now I certainly can't hear much at all. 
I looked up at her and said, "how can I hear if you are plugging my ears?"  
She began to laugh and said, "No one has ever said that to me, that's funny....and true"
Really, you plug peoples ears and that thought never came out of anyone's mouth? 
God I'm weird apparently.

We moved on to the sound proof booth.
She gave me a clicker and said I was to hit it each time I heard a sound.
I was clicking away and then there was a lull. I closed my eyes, which I know sounds ridiculous, but there had to be sounds it wouldn't be quiet this long.  It seemed to go on forever, the silence. Then it began again and I clicked away. 

The next thing was her saying words into an apparent mic somewhere outside the room.
I had to repeat what she was saying. I wasn't allowed to ask her to repeat, if I wasn't sure, then just say the first thing I thought it was.

Dear me that was scary. I know for a fact that the majority of Rick and I arguing is due to he or I thinking the other person said something else.  This one worried me but I plowed ahead.
There were two that I had trouble with, for example Class vs Clash.  I know it was a 50-50 shot so I did as told and said the one I thought it was at first. Wrong. 

Leaving the sound proof booth we sat and went over my results. No surprise to me that I have difficulty hearing with a lot of background noise. (like a bar, a party, that sort of thing)
I also apparently can not hear low registers.  Great. The high registers I hear at normal or above normal. The rest is all below normal.....way below. 

Our conversation turned to what I can do to help me hear. Nothing. Only hearing aids. 
I sat there silent for a bit just staring at that paper she handed me with my results. 
Dr Liz asked, 'Peg are you okay?"  

"Yep. It just hit me in the face I guess."

I was actually fighting back tears and thinking to myself, "what the fuck is wrong with you, you spoiled baby?!"

Dr Liz said, "I know for some reason this is a shock."
"Some reason?"  I asked.
Dr Liz chuckled and said, 'Peg no one comes to see me for a hearing test because they know they have great hearing"

That too was like a slap in the face, but this time it made me laugh so hard!
She has a damn good point doesn't she?  No one does go to their  ENT to have their hearing checked because, YIPEE, I want to show you how well I hear!. Jeez that was funny to me and snapped me back to reality.  Quit whining, there are options. 

She asked me if I was around a great deal of loud noise, airplanes etc. Nope.
Did I ever work in a loud area. Nope, never. Was it hereditary?  No one but my father has a hearing aid and he didn't get it until he was 81.  So, no it is not hereditary. Could it be me wearing headphones for years blaring rock ' n roll as my father claims?  Doubtful she said.
Didn't help, but that wouldn't cause this at my age. 

Then she pulled out two types of hearing aids.  Ah, shit.
Thankfully the one I looked at and cringed at wasn't a good option for me and she explained why. Whew! Dodged that ugly bullet.

Then the one she showed me that was tiny was a good option she explained.
It came in 3 price ranges. The lowest is $3500 and the highest being $6000.
Of course the $6,000 one would be the one to get since it automatically adjusts itself for background noise etc. The cheaper ones don't and that is the type my father has so he never wears it. He says it is a pain to play with all the time. He'd rather not hear.
 So to me that isn't an option.

My insurance will pay 50% after my deductible. 
Honestly I just am not mentally ready for this. 
Financially is another story but I don't want to make medical decision based solely on money. That alone is a sucky way to live. 
But, it's more than that this time.
I may  just keep being unable to hear the lower register for awhile.  
I just can't do this yet, not mentally anyways.
I know I will in the next year or so but right now it's too fresh. 
I need to deal with this for awhile, process it all, however you wish to state it.
Foolish? Probably. But it's how I need to deal with it right now.

Of course I know I will be taking all kinds of abuse from younger people. 
I get it now but it is what it is. I'm old. Except for my niece. 
I was watching TV with her.  She is 25. 
I said, "what did he say?"  I rewound a couple of times because I didn't catch something. I finally said, "so that you can watch this smoothly can I just turn on captions?"
She said, "sure"   
Then after the show she said,  "Did you notice the written word didn't always match?"  

"Oh I sure have",  I told her.  But thankfully I can hear 85-90% of the time so it's okay for me.  
But real deaf people I feel badly for because sometimes it is so off it makes no sense.

So new glasses for old eyes - check
New hearing aids for old ears - check
A new hip must be in my sad future don'tcha think?
Jeez I'm only in my 50's how much worse will this be getting for heaven's sake?
Don't answer that.....I don't wanna know.

Monday, December 1, 2014

Food Coma

Now that we are somewhat out of our Thanksgiving food coma, life goes on.

Yesiree, I think this is the season for elastic waist pants! 

Remember my post about me wearing a hat for a few weeks because I had bald spots from a very bad haircut? It's been 6 1/2 weeks since that last bad haircut.

Well I have been eating biotin tablets like Pez each and every day and it does indeed make your hair and nails grow faster than normal, at least for me. 
I was able to take off my hat. Still not a pretty site, but I removed the hat.

I found a new salon and called to ONLY get my hair colored. 
I had to wash that gray right out of my hair. 
I have tried doing the at home thing but it doesn't last as long as the salon color for me. 

I made the call and the nice young receptionist ask about a cut.
I quickly said, "Oh no, I just took my hat off of a very bad cut, not ready to cut it just yet."  
She laughed and told me that perhaps I could just discuss it with Kylie and she could discuss options.   I said, "discussing would be fine but no cutting, just color"

I went to this new salon and it was like one of my favorites from years gone by. 
Look, if I'm being honest, they had me at that first glass of red wine as well as the clean shiny hip salon!

The salon is beautiful and clean. Clean is a big deal to me. The last salon was not only from the 70's it was not the cleanest of salons. One look at the baseboards would make you squirm.
Anyway, Kylie came to the front to get me and introduced herself.  She put out her hand to shake mine and walk me back to her station. Everything in this place was organized to a fault.
Any one with OCD would be thrilled.

No sooner I sit in her chair and someone brings me a glass of wine. Oh yea I like this!
(They asked me as I checked in if I wanted anything to drink.  Coffee, tea, wines, water, bubbly water, pop etc.)
Kylie then sat down and asked me what I had in mind for a color. 
We discussed options and we came up with a brown I liked with another brown for low lights. 
Then she asked me about my cut. 
I said, "No, I am trying to grow out this big bad mistake" 
 She said, "I know you're gun shy right now but I could at least fix a few areas by doing......"  She went off and explained it in detail all the while moving my hair to and fro to show me. 
 I felt comfortable with her and blurted out "Oh what the hell, let's go for it."

I am so glad I did. Look, if a woman is having a good hair day, It's a good day period!  
If she is having a bad hair day, she might as well be bloated, crampy and pms'ing, it's that bad.

This salon reminded me of a salon that would be on the show with Tabitha.  Anyone watch that show? I believe it's called Tabitha's Salon Takeover. Tabitha would be thrilled with the salon in every way, as was I.

So I got a haircut that fixed most of the issues. The rest will be fixed as it grows but far better already.   My color is far better than the last salon as well. 
The best part? ....all of this at the same cost as the bad salon and I received wine.

I'll be going back.