How To Tell if You are a Geezer

Oh sure I tell you guys daily how things hit me in the face to tell me I'm old.
 But this weekend sealed the deal. I got a new vacuum and I am beyond thrilled.
See?  Who the hell gets excited about vacuuming?   Not me. 
But this new gadget made me  giddy as a tween at a One Direction concert.

I have to vacuum every day.  I have a dog.  I furminate her weekly but that doesn't matter.
Between Messy Marvin (aka Rick) and a dog my home can be a nightmare in 1 day.
On Saturday, November 29th my vacuum just died while I was doing my stairs.  
I thought it had come unplugged. No such luck, it was dead.  
Nooooo.......I need to vacuum, people are on their way over here. 

We found that the cost to fix it was more than the cost to get a new one, the exact same one no less.   Rick was convinced we had to really pay for a good vacuum because these cheap shits we've been buy (and not really cheap to me I might add but under $500) were dying every 5 years.  But of course I fought him on this because it's our slowest time of the year right now. Money going out and not much coming in. Not a great scenario to spend so much when we have Xmas gifts to buy etc. Aargh. Damn vacuum!!  Perhaps we could live under a mountain of dirt, dog hair and allergens I suggest. Rick's eyebrow goes up.

We (I)  sucked it up and bought a Dyson65  for animals as well as human messes all over the house. This machine was advertised as one for animals and the most powerful suction etc. 
It had me at the animal part.
Bottom line, I did not have a vacuum for a week. It drove me nuts. 

I actually used a broom on my hardwood floors like the old days. I shook area rugs. 
I don't like living like Little House on The Prairie. 
I like my modern comforts like washing machines and vacuums. 

This purple machine arrived on Friday late afternoon.  It came with a manual that was in picture form. After work Rick and I attempted to put this together. 
We had such a laughing jag due to this manual.   
You see, we have put together enough IKEA stuff in our day with the round stick man with no eyes or face.  Stick man just points to things or is doing things that we can't understand.  

If you've never seen the faceless IKEA man he's round and he will bend and stick out his arm but your picture may be off and it doesn't make any sense because he is not pointing to anything at all. 
You figure out later that IKEA stick man is bent over from laughing at you numbnuts trying to put this together by looking at a round stick person with no face! (rick's daughter tells me the newer manuals for IKEA have a partial face now - good to note)

Dyson's manual has only an eye. Not a cyclops, no face, just a floating eye. 
It is just an eye. Weird huh? 

We got to laughing because I swore the eye was telling us to do one thing and Rick of course thought the eye was looking at another area. At one point Rick threw the damn manual on the floor and proclaimed, "The round IKEA man with no face needs this Dyson eye and maybe then the little fucker could see what the hell we are supposed to do."  
Oh he was frustrated.  But thankfully we were both still laughing like crazy. 
The wine may have contributed.

I never got to vacuum until late Saturday. We finally got it put together and then decided, let's move all the furniture on the first floor. 
Whoo - ooh, now that's a Saturday night of fun isn't it? I know you're all so very jealous of my Saturday night. Songs will be written about it. Vacuuming, moving furniture, all the while drinking cocktails and wine and singing to the stereo.  Norman Rockwell would be proud of our domestic sight. The dog napped on the 1st floor landing because this new purple machine scared the hell out of her. 

We took turns using this new machine. Trust me, that will be the last time you'll ever see Rick touch the vacuum unless I ask him to bring it to me. 

But here's the worst part.  Here I am vacuuming all the time and thinking things aren't so bad yet after using this new vacuum we were both appalled.  We emptied the canister 2 times for the 1 st floor and steps. Two more times from the hall and master bedroom. (which had just been done yes a week ago but it still shouldn't have found this much!) 
I didn't get a chance to go to the 3rd floor, that will be my exciting Monday night. 
I seriously felt like we were disgusting after using this. Here we are both thinking that this place was clean and WOW it apparently wasn't as clean as we thought. It even plumped up our carpet that I hate. 

So now I could do a commercial for this thing I like it so much.  It's warranty lasts longer than the life of my previous 3 vacuums so hopefully it will last as long as they say. No more Kenmore's or Hoovers or the like for me.  No, I have now been spoiled. 

The only thing that could make this better is if a cleaning lady was pushing this thing around my house, now that would all be perfect!!