Can You Hear Me?

Chances are I can't hear you.  
Especially if your voice is in the lower register.
I had my hearing test. Oiy Vay.

Last week I had the dreaded test. 
My doctor was Dr. Liz. She was a kind younger woman of perhaps 40. She enunciated very well but then I thought she must have to for folks who can't hear. Her enunciation was so perfect as I remember my grade school speech teacher speaking.

Dr. Liz asked me what first made me aware of a loss of hearing.
I explained it started with TV. 
Before the TV stuff,  I now look back and realized that there were times when Rick and I would be out in a crowded restaurant and bar and we couldn't hear one another. 
Then there was our old microwave.  I could hear the microwave 'beep' go off but not the microwave timer 'beep'.  Rick would say, "Margaret, the timers been going off."   Oops.

Then Grey's Anatomy began. The music on that show seemed loud to me and it muffled all the actors voices for me.   So one night as I am watching this show in bed, Rick began falling asleep and asked me to lower the TV.  
Now I could hear nothing but the damn music because it was so low.
So I turned on the closed captions.  Hey, that worked!  
Rick could sleep and I could watch television.

Then I began using closed captions a lot.  Some shows more than others.  
So that is what I shared with Dr. Liz about how I first noticed there is a real problem.

After some chit chat with Dr. Liz she sent me into a sound proof booth/ room. 
As I am entering I'm thinking, are you supposed to hear in a sound proof booth? 
Or is this only my thinking? really?

I sit in a chair and she put these things in my ears that felt like pressure and now I certainly can't hear much at all. 
I looked up at her and said, "how can I hear if you are plugging my ears?"  
She began to laugh and said, "No one has ever said that to me, that's funny....and true"
Really, you plug peoples ears and that thought never came out of anyone's mouth? 
God I'm weird apparently.

We moved on to the sound proof booth.
She gave me a clicker and said I was to hit it each time I heard a sound.
I was clicking away and then there was a lull. I closed my eyes, which I know sounds ridiculous, but there had to be sounds it wouldn't be quiet this long.  It seemed to go on forever, the silence. Then it began again and I clicked away. 

The next thing was her saying words into an apparent mic somewhere outside the room.
I had to repeat what she was saying. I wasn't allowed to ask her to repeat, if I wasn't sure, then just say the first thing I thought it was.

Dear me that was scary. I know for a fact that the majority of Rick and I arguing is due to he or I thinking the other person said something else.  This one worried me but I plowed ahead.
There were two that I had trouble with, for example Class vs Clash.  I know it was a 50-50 shot so I did as told and said the one I thought it was at first. Wrong. 

Leaving the sound proof booth we sat and went over my results. No surprise to me that I have difficulty hearing with a lot of background noise. (like a bar, a party, that sort of thing)
I also apparently can not hear low registers.  Great. The high registers I hear at normal or above normal. The rest is all below normal.....way below. 

Our conversation turned to what I can do to help me hear. Nothing. Only hearing aids. 
I sat there silent for a bit just staring at that paper she handed me with my results. 
Dr Liz asked, 'Peg are you okay?"  

"Yep. It just hit me in the face I guess."

I was actually fighting back tears and thinking to myself, "what the fuck is wrong with you, you spoiled baby?!"

Dr Liz said, "I know for some reason this is a shock."
"Some reason?"  I asked.
Dr Liz chuckled and said, 'Peg no one comes to see me for a hearing test because they know they have great hearing"

That too was like a slap in the face, but this time it made me laugh so hard!
She has a damn good point doesn't she?  No one does go to their  ENT to have their hearing checked because, YIPEE, I want to show you how well I hear!. Jeez that was funny to me and snapped me back to reality.  Quit whining, there are options. 

She asked me if I was around a great deal of loud noise, airplanes etc. Nope.
Did I ever work in a loud area. Nope, never. Was it hereditary?  No one but my father has a hearing aid and he didn't get it until he was 81.  So, no it is not hereditary. Could it be me wearing headphones for years blaring rock ' n roll as my father claims?  Doubtful she said.
Didn't help, but that wouldn't cause this at my age. 

Then she pulled out two types of hearing aids.  Ah, shit.
Thankfully the one I looked at and cringed at wasn't a good option for me and she explained why. Whew! Dodged that ugly bullet.

Then the one she showed me that was tiny was a good option she explained.
It came in 3 price ranges. The lowest is $3500 and the highest being $6000.
Of course the $6,000 one would be the one to get since it automatically adjusts itself for background noise etc. The cheaper ones don't and that is the type my father has so he never wears it. He says it is a pain to play with all the time. He'd rather not hear.
 So to me that isn't an option.

My insurance will pay 50% after my deductible. 
Honestly I just am not mentally ready for this. 
Financially is another story but I don't want to make medical decision based solely on money. That alone is a sucky way to live. 
But, it's more than that this time.
I may  just keep being unable to hear the lower register for awhile.  
I just can't do this yet, not mentally anyways.
I know I will in the next year or so but right now it's too fresh. 
I need to deal with this for awhile, process it all, however you wish to state it.
Foolish? Probably. But it's how I need to deal with it right now.

Of course I know I will be taking all kinds of abuse from younger people. 
I get it now but it is what it is. I'm old. Except for my niece. 
I was watching TV with her.  She is 25. 
I said, "what did he say?"  I rewound a couple of times because I didn't catch something. I finally said, "so that you can watch this smoothly can I just turn on captions?"
She said, "sure"   
Then after the show she said,  "Did you notice the written word didn't always match?"  

"Oh I sure have",  I told her.  But thankfully I can hear 85-90% of the time so it's okay for me.  But real deaf people I feel badly for because sometimes it is so off it makes no sense.

So new glasses for old eyes - check
New hearing aids for old ears - check
A new hip must be in my sad future don'tcha think?
Jeez I'm only in my 50's how much worse will this be getting for heaven's sake?
Don't answer that.....I don't wanna know.