Cardioversion

Happy Friday!

We were at the Heart Center of WakeMed this morning at 7:30a.m.

Neither of us had any sleep. We both tossed and turned all night and finally came out to the living room. Rick tried to tell me all would be fine. I asked, "then why are you not sleeping Mister it's all gonna be fine"

Rick was not permitted to eat or drink after midnight. The exception was the water to take his morning meds. Me, on the hand was starving, but I didn't want to make something because he was so hungry, I thought that'd be mean of me.

We arrived and were greeted by a very nice and friendly concierge. 

She took us to where we had to go and explained the processes and then left us in capable hands.

After the registration they took us back to a room and a lovely woman named Patricia was his nurse. She was wonderful in all ways. She is from Manassas VA. (Our old neck of the woods.)  

She explained all that was going to happen. Of course I dislike hearing all the bad stuff that can happen as well but I understand it. She wired Rick up and shaved his chest. Ooh, he loves that. Now he has stubble that will itch along with the burn marks from the paddles. This poor man.

The first procedure was going to be to see if he had any clots. That required a camera/tube down his throat. They had him gargle lidocaine for two full minutes. Patricia warned us that this was foul tasting. At the 2 minute mark she told him to swallow it. He made the funniest face and told her that was awful and she wasn't kidding. Then they sprayed his throat with something. I assumed more numbing agent.

This camera would show the doctor if there were any clots. If so the cardioversion could not take place. 

Thankfully no more clots!

The cardioversion took 2x. The second time was the charm. His heart was now in rythmn as it should be and no more a-fib.  Yippee.

The doctor came out to let me know it was completed and he was fine. Whew. Another great doctor who sat with me and talked a bit. What a difference a good hospital makes!

We got home and we both ate. He wasn't allowed to eat until 10:51a. Odd time, no?

At 10:51a he had a big ole bowl of cereal and then immediately took a nap. I wolfed down an egg and gf toast and took a nap too. We slept for 3 hrs. Ooh it felt good. 

Today he is to take it easy. He does not have any therapies until Monday and we both are happy about that. While I am not doing all the hard work, I'm only scheduling, driving, working each day at home on his homework with him, and his pills are a job unto themselves. That's in between life of laundry, bills, normal life stuff. Some days I feel as exhausted as he does. But he is the one who has it tough so I shouldn't whine.

But I do...tee hee

This morning at 4:45am Rick got in the shower. I heard him yell and went running to see if he was okay. Oh, he was fine but the shower wasn't. It was all cold water. Guess who's hot water tank blew? 

We knew we'd need a new one within the year but talk about bad timing!

So because we appear to be living under a black cloud we must get a new hot water tank.  

It feels like since everything went well at the hospital, we mustn't have ALL things be well.

It looks like whore baths all weekend and we have to heat up water to use. Fun.

Could be worse I suppose but I think we're due some good juju for a long length of time. 

Too much to ask for?

 

Random Items On My Mind

I want to say first of all that y'all give me such good tips from your experiences and I really appreciate them all. Even if it does not apply now, it may in the near future. So thank you very much!!

I'm getting a new rhythm to my life.  For someone who likes routine to a point, this is good. I like at least an idea of what there is to do etc.

After my surgery, I came home and didn't move much. I hated it. But I needed it and I couldn't have done more than sit. But now that it's over I never sit and barely am still.

I get up between 6 and 6:30a whether I want to or not. My body will wake me to go to the bathroom or it just says, get your ass out of bed Peg. Mentally I whine and say, NO I don't wanna. But then the bathroom thing. Damn it.

Lucky Rick gets up later than me. Some of his new meds don't allow him to sleep well so if he's sleeping I sure don't wish to wake him.

Once he is up I'm working. Breakfast, dishes, getting myself ready for the day to go to some doctors or rehab. Help Rick get ready for the day ahead.

About 7:30pm is when my day slows down. 

Rick can now walk with no assistance. He walks slower than before and his left foot isn't so much heel toe and they are working on that. 

But - No walking stick, no more walker.

He has gotten some feeling back in his left hand and that thrills him. 

He has always said a portion of his face and his left hand feel like he's had novocaine. when he grabs his coffee with his left hand the hot mug hurts his hand but it didn't feel hot.

The other night he said, it felt like there were electrical charges or zaps going through his hand and it sure felt weird. That evening when we went to bed he touched my shoulder and he got so excited he said, "I can feel your skin now, oh my God!"  He kept running his hand on my arm and shoulder and he kept saying I can feel your skin and you're cold. Then he told me to turn around and I knew he was going for my boobs. I laughed and said, "Oh you're getting better mister!"

The same thing with his face. He no longer has an exaggerated droop on his left side. His smile goes straight across now. The food does not fall out of that corner of his mouth either. 

It's been 2 months and I think that is real progress. But what do I know I am not a doctor.  But it seems like things are coming back. His speech is still the worst of it to me. And his OT issues with the vision on his left side. But they are working on that too so we shall see. (hence why he can't drive)

PT today was a killer for him. They put all these weights on his left leg and make him do the treadmill. Then he had timed walking around the gym. 

The first time was for a base number. Now he is trying to improve from that number. He was so exhausted today when we got home. He sat in his chair and fell immediately to sleep for an hour. Derek, his physical therapist, came out with Rick and told me he really pushed him today. Then he gave me some things to ask the A-Fib doctor on Friday when he has his cardioversion. Derek said I have a feeling he will sleep well tonight and laughed. 

Derek is a nice young man who just moved here from Philly one year ago. He is struggling to adapt. We told him the struggle is real we still have it. 

He asked if we knew of anywhere to get good pizza? 

We told him, up north. We all laughed. 

He was missing some food and then he whispered," do you guys like biscuits or get as excited about them as most here when that new place opened?"

We laughed and said oh heaven's no!! 

He said, "Oh good my wife and I aren't the only ones then!"  

Nope, a lot of we northerners are here and I have yet to meet one who loves them. I think they make great door stoppers though.

But if they came north they wouldn't like the food we are used to I suppose.  He laughed and said he agreed. My guess is this big ole 6'4 specimen is about 33 - 35 years old. Rick will find out. He is a nice man and he sincerely seems to care about his patients. He pushes Rick and doesn't give him an inch, because Rick will try, and I like that he doesn't let up. That is probably why Rick can walk with no apparatus. He teases Rick and Rick loves to tease him back so it helps that they work well together. Rick is not so fond of his OT lady. Hopefully, that will change.

**Some of you mentioned in comments that Rick should not have a glass door due to the chair in the shower. Rick doesn't use a chair in the shower. He showers just like you and I do. His issue is lifting his left leg over the tub. Besides, there will be a bench built into our new shower for both of us to sit or put a leg up to shave, etc. It will be the entire width of the shower. 

So no chairs are needed...right now. I have it all should it be necessary in the future.

**Today I had an appointment for a pedicure at 5:45pm.

I double-checked my calendar because I was running behind. Yep, it states 545pm today. I had a confirmation email telling me the same. I get to the salon and it is closed. The door had a sign that read, Closed from July 17th - July 26th. I looked at my confirmation and thought that sucks. Why would they confirm my appointment? I was pissed. Mainly because I raced around to make this happen.

I come home and make Rick dinner. I hear my notification go off on my phone. It is a text reminding me of my appointment on the 27th! Then I got a ding that a new email had arrived. I open it and it is a reminder that my appointment is on the 27th.

Now I have never gotten a reminder from them - EVER. I have never had a text reminder either. How odd that after I showed up to a closed salon I get these. Coincidence or something fishy? I'm not certain.

**I am reading Katie Couric's autobiography. I am so digging this book. More than I thought. I love it when I know the places she went or the addresses of her home or the city she wished she could move to (me too) I lived in the DMV so I understand and could see it all as I read her words.  

David Baldacci is not an author I care for but he gave us his books when we had our lake house (neighbor) Rick had me read a portion and it was so nice to know the area he was describing. He wrote about the view from his office and it was the view from his part of the lake. We got a kick out of that. We knew each area very well that he wrote about and it was rather fun to see that in his storyline. 

Back to Couric's book. Because we are the same age everything she wrote about in her career and the female struggle I understood. I lived it too. Just a different line of work. The clothes, the misogyny, the struggle to be seen as more than a pair of breasts and doing twice the work for 1/2 the pay while your male colleagues got all the credit. 

I relate to so much of this book thus far. 

Where I am now in the book she is not a co-anchor of the Today Show, just a news reader prior to the show. I don't get much time to read except while Rick is in rehab. He keeps apologizing that I have to sit there and wait. 

I enjoy the doing nothing time for me to be honest. I can read. 

Today I had to deal with a very bad child. And a mom who ignored this bad child and played on her phone. This kid was a brat. He moved furniture around, he broke a vase, he screamed, and stomped his feet for attention.

The woman at the front desk asked the mom to have him stop moving the furniture and she said, "Oh good luck with that" as if it wasn't her responsibility to reign him in.

Oh, I'd have whooped his butt and made him sit and not move, then children's services would take us both away. When Rick came out he had to sign something and that kid kicked him hard in his good leg.

His mother said she was sorry, Rick being Rick said, "You didn't kick me he did."

He looked down at this boy and said, "Don't kick people unless you wish to be kicked back"  OH MY GOD. 

I grabbed Rick's arm and the little boy ran to his mother and we turned and left. I told Rick that was not acceptable. He said, "Tough shit that kid was a brat" Oh a stroke has not made his filter any better. I about died!  

I would NEVER. I would internalize it and bitch on my blog. We are so different in that area. 

When we got outside I said, "I think that kid is good birth control, teenagers need to spend time with him."  

Rick agreed. 

Is it Winter yet?

I am sick of this heat. I want to wear a sweater. Not be sweaty. I can't go outside, it's too damn hot. We have a nice patio, but can't sit there. And we were told to limit Rick's exposure to this heat, it's bad for stroke survivors.

Last evening we were watching Tough As Nails. My guilty pleasure of a reality show. I always say I don't watch reality TV but I do like the Food Truck Race on the Food Network and some things on HGTV. I just don't watch what I call trash tv, big brother, survivor, you know all the backstabbing, cheating, and lie-to-win kind of scenario.

Halfway through the show, the sound was there but not the dialogue. It was so odd. All the music was playing and coming through our speakers but we had to turn on closed captions to know what they were saying. Then just about to the very end, the voices all came back. It was so odd.  We weren't sure if it was our TV or the program's issue. We changed channels to see if this was occurring on another station. But it wasn't. Only this show so we deducted that this was the program/CBS issue and not our TV or our sound system.  Or I had a stroke too. 😊

We had a couple of estimates on this bathroom. 

As I mentioned before Rick and I got some money from insurance to put in a walk-in shower due to his stroke. (short-term/long-term care insurance) 

It is nowhere near the amount needed to do this but it's some and some is very helpful. 

We had a man come on Saturday. He was awful. He was smarmy to me.

After he left Rick said, something off with this guy. I agreed. 

He brought nothing to show us. No samples, no photos of his work, nothing!   I just didn't like the guy. He left and said he'd send an estimate. So far no estimate. The thing that really bothered me was he had no ideas and he hated ours. Oh no, you can't do that. (or he couldn't do it.) 

Rick asked, can't or you don't wish to?

He tried like hell to convince us we didn't want tile and that those flat plastic-looking acrylic wall pieces were the way to go. 

When we both said in unison, NO. He tried to over come the objection by asking us if we liked cleaning grout all the time? Seriously that is how you over come this objection?  First the creepy guy should have asked us questions and sell to us by our answers. But he was pushing his agenda and wasn't giving a hoot about ours. 

When Rick asked how he laid the shower pan if we choose that way instead of tile he said, "Why do you care about that?" in the most snarky way. Oh I thought Rick is gonna blast him!

Rick explained that when he was in business he repaired at least 3 a week. The reason for the repair was due to the fact that there was no support for the pan. They were just put in, no cement, thin-set,no subfloor, nothing.  

So Rick asked again and he danced around the subject. 

Rick said, "So you don't do anything for extra support then?"  

He never answered so to us that was a yes, it will need to be repaired in 5 yrs. When this guy left I said, "Don't laugh at me but I did not like this guy's face. I don't trust him and I don't wish to use him"  

Rick said, "For years I've heard the "face" thing and you're hunches are always spot on. I'm with you here." Whew.

And when I say, "his face" it's not that he is ugly or gorgeous or anything about looks, it's a feeling I get when I see someone's face. I've had it my whole life and I ignored it for the first half but in the end my gut instinct was right. So after age 45 I no longer wished to ignore it. 

The 2nd company was in and out so fast and they acted like we were too small potatoes for them. So we checked them off the list. 

He was coming in price-wise similar to the third guy. It was only a $ 30-something difference.

Yesterday we had a young man (3rd estimate) come from a company that had superior ratings and reviews. I was shocked he came on a Sunday but he said he has to work estimates on weekends when he can because during the week he and his crew are too busy.  I get that. Rick did that at times as well.

He gave us so many suggestions and tips. He asked a lot of good questions. When I suggested something I wanted he said, "We can do that but if your concern is cost I'd do this instead..." and he'd explain why and we could make our decision. He also brought samples of tiles and he showed us some on his tablet. He also had photos of his work. (I'd seen them online)

We liked the way he spoke to us, we liked how he offered ideas, and we liked how he understood our situation and made things easier for us both.

We went with him. They begin tearing out that big ole tub on August 8th.

It will take 3 weeks. Seems long but we shall see.

We would have loved to get the floor done at the same time but we just can't afford it. He offered us financing and we said no. We will do that floor next year. We just need to get that big tub outta here and put in a shower.

Where we did spend that wasn't necessary was for two shower heads. 

I mentioned this to someone who laughed and said it was foolish.

Rick is just over a foot taller than me. So it can go over my head or I can jump up with wet feet and move it. I can't reach our current shower head unless I jump or stand on the tub. Neither of which is smart for me to do while wet. And I also hate doing that. 

So we decided on 2 shower heads, one for a tall person and one for a short person. To me, that will be a luxury.

I also didn't want a clear glass shower door. Had it. It was beautiful but I had to squeegee it after every shower. But what I wanted was more like rain glass. OH MY GOODNESS that was so much more expensive it was crazy. So looks like we'll be using the squeegee after every shower. Yes, I know they can put a film on the doors, had it, it did nothing. Rainx for our car worked better.

In other work-related news last Friday Rick got a call on his cell phone from a realtor in Arlington VA. She wanted him to do some work at 3 condos she is working on selling. She wanted Rick to do the bathrooms and the kitchens. He explained the reason he sounds funny is he had a stroke, two, he retired 2 years ago and 3, he lives in North Carolina now. She was so bummed out. She told him if you hadn't told me about the stroke I'd have paid for you time and travel if you could do it. I'd even let you stay in the one condo. LOL

Then today I had his phone in my hand and it rang. I answered, "Rick's phone" and the woman told me her name and I remembered her. (funny I can't tell you what I had for dinner last night but remember a former customer's name) 

This woman read the article written about us in the Washington Post. (I had even forgotten about that) Back in 2020, she was on the schedule for her bathroom and her brother died in a horrific accident. (we saw it on the news) She called to cancel and said she'd call back. Certainly understandable. Shit happens and we know that very well.

Well, today was the day she finally called back.

She said she couldn't find a new number since the one she had wouldn't work but she remembered she called Rick's cell once about a question and she still had that number. 

She apologized for it being so long but after her brother passed, her mom fell ill and she is taking care of her mom now and she just had another baby and she needs that bathroom "fixed up" for us all. 

She asked if I was Peggy. 

I said I am. 

She said, "I thought your voice was familiar, so you are his wife then?" 

I am.

She said, "Oh you stinker." 

I explained that Rick retired 2 years ago and moved to NC. She was terribly upset. She asked for other companies. I told her I could not do that. But I gave her things to look out for, things to ask, and what kind of warranty and care information she will receive.

She reminded me of the Mommy website that is for Arlington VA. 

(that mommy site brought us more business than you can imagine!)

She said there are others asking if anyone knows what happened to National Tub and Tile on that site. 

I said, "Well now you can share with them that the company closed and he retired" 

She said, "I'm happy for you both but I'm sad for this area"

How nice.

We have a crazy busy week of appointments this week, ah, shit every week now. Friday is Rick's cardioversion. These scare the shit out of me.

Pray it will be okay.

Weekend Meme drop

 Yep this is me in the shallow end of 5'

Oh my goodness this resonated with me from my former corporate life!

This kills me. Really? I know about guy's anatomy. How do they not know that you don't pee from your vag/uterus? Just goes to show you education with letters means absolutely nothing!! The Dumb ass.

I've lived in 3 of these and totally agree. The one I have only visited several times, I found it to be true too. So to me this is very accurate. Again, not everyone but on the whole.

Yeah, I bet every damn one of those MTGreene followers uses social security and medicare. How dare they, they only paid for it. A country taking care of it's citizens? How dare they!

I think the only people who have ever won this is the 6 actors on Friends. They make 20 million a year in residuals. When a streaming service bought them from NBC, they got a cut. They were smart to negotiate their contracts together as a team and they got what they wanted. They were so smart to do it that way. 

Group negotiating gave them weight. 

NBC sold 'This is Us' to a streaming service for millions. One of the actors (Mandy Moore) said out of those millions the company got she got a check for $.01 and one for $.02 as her residual check. The check that was written cost more than the amount she was receiving. Seems fair right? Imagine that being done to you at work.

Haircut - FINALLY

Rick and I went to the hairdresser today.

I took my neighbor's advice and went to her shop. I knew I didn't wish for her to cut my hair because honestly she's got a dated look. If your hairdresser doesn't have great hair in color and cut then can she do great things with hair? 

Just my opinion, which means nothing to anyone.

When I told her I liked my hair texturized with a razor she told me to ask for Tonya. Whew off the hook.

Rick and I got in the car and drove to her salon. The first impression could have been better. It looked like a salon from the 70s/80s. 

As we sat in the lobby, Rick squeezed my hand and said,"do you wish to run or get it cut and then cry?" OMG, that made me laugh. 

God love this man, he knows me so well. I said, "Let's try crying. We're poor now" 

I saw Tonya, a young blonde woman. She had a thick accent and was very personable and nice. I later learned that she is from West Virginia. 

I told her what I wanted and knew that since I've been cutting it myself here and there it was a hot mess and I apologize.  She laughed.  I watched her cut my hair. I knew it was going to be a good cut just a bit too short on the sides. But that is nothing. The cut was great. That's a problem when you know the basics of haircutting and your hair. You know what they are doing. I watch them and know right away if it's a good cut. 

Once while living in Seattle this man was so full of himself and talked about being in Glamour magazine like I gave a hoot. He was also on local TV he told me and asked if that is how I learned of him. Nope, I told him, just called and scheduled an appointment and they gave me you. He told me I was sure lucky because he is normally booked for months and months. 

Oh, this guy was so full of himself it was nauseating.

He grabbed my hair and not how one should, and took out these thinning shears.  I said that you can't use thinning shears on my hair to texturize it, especially at the roots. 

He laughed in his arrogant snotty way and said, "I'm the hairdresser, not you"  At the time this was a $65 haircut and this was back in 1995.  I stood up. I said, "I have fine hair, a lot of hair, but it's fine, if you thin it I'll see my scalp we can't do that. It's been done to me before and it was a nightmare so can we just cut my hair with scissors, please? 

He said, "Then you can leave"  So I thanked him for his time and left. 

I was not going to allow this piece of crap to make me feel bad about not having my hair thinned. In defense of stylists who use thinning shears to texturize, don't. But if they do, then they do that on the ends not at the root and forward. Trust me on this. I've told 2 stylists about this event and each time I show them how he grabbed my hair and where he was going to begin thinning it they both shrieked and covered their mouths. 

I had someone do to me what he wanted to do to my hair once. I looked like a dying animal with hair only here and there. I wore hats for months and I cried. I had to go to work which meant airports, hotels, clients, etc all had to see this sad-looking head of hair as if I was dying of cancer. It was horrific. And me, the dumb ass paid her. I still can't believe I did that as I cried all the way home. 

So today as I sat in Tonya's hair discussing my wants and wishes I did warn her that I was a pain in the ass about my hair. She laughed and said I don't see you being that way. I wanted to say, "Make me look like a cancer patient and you'll see" but of course, I didn't. 

I just wanted her to know that I am more high maintenance than most and heaven knows I tip for it. But again I did not say this. 

When she was done she asked if I liked it. I did. I did think the sides were too short but I understood after what I did why she had to do that. So I was okay with everything including her and the price. This is the cheapest haircut I have ever had in my life. Or since the 80s. It was only $45 + 10 tip. Can't beat that. Rick used to pay that for his barber cuts so I was thrilled.

Know why? 

'Cause having a stroke even with good insurance is not cheap!!

In other News - 

Y'all remember me telling you we leave a cooler of water and Gatorade and some treats for the delivery people. Well, it's so dang hot here as it is everywhere, that we froze the bottles of water and put them in the cooler frozen. Today UPS left us a note thanking us for the water and "god bless"

That was nice. No one has thanked us before. 

We knew a UPS driver up north and he would say in summer he'd bring a cooler but he'd always run out so that is what gave us that idea. They are here quite a bit lately since I can't get out as often. I put kind bars and some rice krispie treats in their own individual packets I found at Walmart. Rick was enjoying them a great deal and I told him to save some for the drivers. He said, "Maybe" 

Because Rick had been in the hospital I am getting all his alerts when he has something new in his "my chart"  So I went into it after I got an alert.

I saw that Rick wrote an email to our family doctor last night. 

He told her that he was thinking about what she said about a low dose of an antidepressant. He said the last few days I have been mean to Peg and I don't like it and I don't want to continue this. I know I am feeling depressed so maybe I should listen to you and give this a shot for a little while.

Yes, he was mean and hurtful and he made me cry. I know he can't help it so I can't get mad but it's not my Ricky. So it is shocking, hurtful and as he said mean. I am happy to know he is seeing his behavior. He knows that isn't his normal self. I too know it's not normal for him but that doesn't mean it didn't sting.

She has not written back, the nurse did, saying she would be sure the doctor sees this. 

My poor Rick. I can't fathom what he is going through. But on a good note, he walked the garbage can to the curb from the garage. 

Our driveway isn't short either.

He used his walking stick back which he tends to do when he gets tired.

He walked into the salon and then we went to the farmers market for his peaches. He walked a great deal today. He didn't like the farmer's market because it was so crowded and he can't walk fast enough he feels. 

I told him to chill out and just walk as you can. They can go around you if they wish to. But again, I get where he is coming from and why he feels that way. But screw 'em, their legs are working fine and if they are annoyed, walk around him. Rick is very nice to walk on the far right so he's not in the middle of the lane and making people angry. 

Here's a pic of our driveway before we changed the outside of the house. So you can see that is a long walk without anything to assist except that garbage can. 😀 He suggested I put a chair under this tree so he can rest. 

I bet the physical therapist would agree that is not what I need to do for you

Mentally Speaking

 The most difficult part of this stroke for me is Rick's mental attitude.

There are days that are great. There are also some very bleak days.

He wants to give up. He tells me he doesn't want to fight anymore. He wishes he'd just died.

This shit kills me more than watching him struggle with his left hand.

He had to see the family doctor after he was released from the hospital this last time. She is terrific.

She asked about his mental health. I sat there and watched him try to figure out what he wanted to say. You see Rick wants to be strong like bull. Oh, he's bullheaded but that's another story. :-)

He said finally, I have good and bad days. She offered a low dose to get him through this. He was adamant about no drugs.  I said on the way home, I understand you think you can do this, but when you're in pain you take something. Your brain is healing this will help you. Then in a month or so maybe you won't even need it and can get off of it. Why is this worse than taking oxy for pain? All he kept saying was NO. Maybe later, but I think I can deal with this.  I wanted to scream, you stubborn old coot! But that wouldn't help so I screamed it in my head and smiled at him and held his hand.  

I think maybe I should take it. LOL 

He woke up in a different mood. I asked him what was going on and he tells me he had bad dreams. I sat with him with our coffee and suggested he tell me these dreams.

Apparently, we were at a party and my cousin Frank and his wife Janet were there as well as Bobby and all the cousins who have been calling and checking on him. He said I was across the room and would pay no attention to him. When he came over to me I told him to get lost. 

I laughed and he said, "It wasn't funny in my dream, it really hurt me"

I said that it was just a dream, I would never tell you to get lost, you can do that on your own.   

Well, that made him howl with laughter. whew.

You see he is severely directionally impaired and a stroke hasn't helped him so getting lost is something he just does and he knows it. (Or as he refers to it, well I saw things I wouldn't normally see going this way. Yep, like another state you goof ball.)

He went on to tell me that I was with another man and kept telling him that I wasn't his wife and to beat it. Oh my goodness. 

I held his hand and told him,'he was stuck with me as his wife. Remember? good times and bad times, sickness and health. I don't go back on my word and you know that! 

Again, he laughed and said, "Oh that is you all right" 

"Okay so see? It was just a dream babe. I'm right here by your side and not going anywhere!"

I suggested fresh air and we took our coffee to the front porch. His favorite place to sit and have his morning Joe. I left him there to sit and stare at the birds etc. He calls this an attitude adjustment, being in nature. I hope so. 

Those of you who have had a stroke or have a loved one with a stroke did they take anything for the depression? Did it pass or did it linger for a long time?

Walking

 Rick has been a bit lazy since he has not had any therapies. So I decided to make him walk the length of our driveway.

He did that for two days and then around the property and boy, it's then nap time. It makes me chuckle. But I know he needs to do that too. I hear them in my head telling me about Stroke Fatigue.

Sunday, he said he was ready to venture outside the house. He wanted to go to the grocery store with me. 

Okay, I said, "but are you sure you can walk this?"

He was insistent that he could. He and his walking stick.

I dropped him off at the storefront so he didn't have to walk from the end of the parking lot too. By the time I parked and entered the store, he was already done with the aisles of produce. He had his walking stick on the cart and he was just leaning on the cart. I didn't want to make a big deal but it was a big deal. He felt comfortable enough to not use the walking stick. He has been doing that a great deal in the last couple of days. Hmm...

We meandered through the store and there were a few times when he felt he was too slow for the people behind him. I noticed he would move all the way to the right side of the aisle and let others pass. 

He said he wished he had a shirt or something to say, "I move slowly, just had a stroke, feel free to pass me"

That made me laugh but I could see how that would make him feel better.

When we got to the ice cream department he had to stop. 

He asked me to stay by the cart. I said, "Okay, but don't you need your stick?"  

No, watch me he says, with his shit-eating grin. And I did watch him. 

He walked to the freezer section, opened it up, and grabbed what he was looking for, Tillamook Vanilla Bean, and he walked back to the cart with no problem. I was again impressed. No limp, no walking stick, just a walk.

He got the cart into the checkout line and we were done. 

When we got to the door I suggested he stay there and he said, "Oh good" as he leaned against the wall of the storefront outside. 

I went and loaded up the car and fetched My Big Guy. 

I saw a young man who was tall with long gorgeous braids, not dreads, who was talking to Rick. I saw him as I pulled out of the parking space. 

Was he selling something?  Gee, he is a cute young thing. 

Rick later told me that is what he thought too when he approached him that he must be selling something.

Rick said, "The young man walked over to me and told me he was in the medical field and asked me if I needed some help because I appeared a bit wobbly?" 

Rick said, "I just had a stroke in May so yes I am wobbly but I'm okay. Thank you so much for asking."  

Rick put out his hand to shake this young man's hand and to thank him for his concern. Rick told him that was the nicest thing a stranger had done for him. 

As I pulled up, the young man said he was just glad he was okay. 

I jumped out to help Rick into the car but this young man was doing it already.  Rick really doesn't need help, but it takes him more time than it does for you and me. I also like to stand by him as I was taught in his rehab should he lose his balance and that is what the young man was doing as well because he was helping Rick before I even got to that side of the car. As he shut the door we both yelled another, "Thank you!" and waved goodbye.

We talked about that on the way home. How damn nice was that? How often do you see a young man helping an old fart? Not as often as I'd like to think happens. But sure glad we got to witness this act of kindness.

All in all, it was a good day. Rick was walking around the grocery store and by the time he got home it was nap time. I was putting the groceries away when he said, "Sorry babe, I gotta sit down"  That was it. Into his ugly chair and he was out like a light.  

Rick was out and about and moving. It was all good. Baby steps. 

He was animated and funny. The check-out kid asked him something and Rick answered him. The kid looked confused. 

Rick said, "I just had a stroke, it's hard to understand me"  

The kid said, "No, I think I understood you but it didn't match what I asked."

Rick chuckles and says, "Ask me again"

The cashier said, "Did you want these onions in a separate bag?" as he is holding up the onions already in a net bag. 

Rick's original answer was no I don't need cash back. (not even close!)

So upon hearing it correctly Rick and I both begin to laugh and Rick says, "Okay my stroke did not affect my hearing that was bad before the stroke. And No, I don't want cash back and yes, I want my onions in a grocery bag please." 

Thankfully the young man laughed a lot and said okay. 

Then we heard about his grandfather's hearing mishaps that make the family laugh. 

Whew, he wasn't making fun of Rick, which is Rick's fear, but just being kind and sociable.

Rick is getting more comfortable to be in public speaking. To me he is only hard to understand when he's tired. But I'm sure to others they may not find it as easy as me since I'm used to his speech since the stroke.

Eating is another story. He is not ready to eat out in public yet. He still has some numbness on the left side of his mouth and cheek. Small area but enough that if he has food on the left side of his lip he doesn't feel it. He can have food hanging out of his mouth and not know it. We have come to an agreement on how he wishes to handle this. 

I hate being a mom and saying, "Wipe your mouth"

Truth be told he doesn't like hearing it either but knows it is necessary.

He has gotten far better in the last two weeks it's amazing, but he still has an issue from time to time. 

So now I just say, "Rick" and he looks at me as I touch my mouth. Or I say nothing and if he looks at me I touch my mouth. He then knows.  Yesterday eating a salad was a wild ride for him. Thank Goodness his humor is intact because that was crazy. Lettuce hanging from his mouth. He said, "If I dare go out in public to eat, no salad!"  Yes, I see that.

But that is a task for another day. 

He is walking far more now and so much better! 

This next week is a lot of therapies so I see a lot of naps in his future. 

But it's all good today. 

I am stopping on this high note.😁

Friday

Having a great morning. Coffee on the porch while it rained. We enjoyed that summer rain a great deal.

We have 3 days, today, Saturday, and Sunday to enjoy before going to therapies and doctors nonstop day after day. 

Yesterday we watched a documentary on Bon Jovi, the band. Yes, make fun of us, we liked some 80s hair bands and Bon Jovi was one of them.

The documentary was awful. But so was the new one on Wham. I'm seeing a lot of bad docs sadly. 

Anyway, we got to discussing seeing Bon Jovi in concert when we were just friends. The band was playing in my hometown. Apparently, his mom is from Erie too. This is July, 1987. 

His grandparents still lived there in ole Erie,PA. His grandfather said if you're such a big deal why don't you play here? He said, "Well then, I will" 

Bon Jovi did play in Erie and I told this story and had his grandfather stand up and take a bow. It was cute.

I was living in Cleveland. (90 minutes away) Rick called to tell me he was coming to Erie, on the Slippery When Wet tour. 

Rick said, "Come home and we will go." 

Rick bought us tickets and I couldn't wait. 

It was a stadium concert and the opening was Tower of Power with Huey Lewis and The News. Great concert!!

We were in the front sitting on blankets. It was miserably hot and they hosed down the crowd several times during the shows. That may sound awful but the watering down of the crowd actually felt good.

My goofy friend, Rick, was obsessed with the woman next to him. A cute young blonde thing wearing flip-flops. He leaned over to me to tell me she had very long black hair on her toes and feet. I giggled. Honestly this man. 

But for whatever reason he couldn't stop with this young lady. Why wouldn't she wax or shave that, he'd ask me? It's like a monkey he kept saying which only made me laugh more. I tell him to trade seats with me. He tells me he can't unsee it now. I laugh and say okay, so she's not your 10.

He says, she's a freaking monkey did you see how long it was?"  

"No, I did not wish to stare Richard."

But then I stare. Omg, he's right. You could braid this. Now we smuggled in alcohol. (The advantage of big boobs) so I'm a bit toasted and I can't help but laugh. My God, he's right and now I can't look away.

This poor woman. But seriously if those were my feet I'd hide them in shoes or wax them off!!

Rick's memory is intact that's for sure. Short-term, not as good. A song came on a commercial and I said it was The Letterman. He said it was Jay and The Americans. Damn, he was right. Ask him where we went yesterday and that answer is a crap shoot. 75% of the time he remembers. But that 25% he does not. Truth be told I'm the same way but, without a stroke. 😆

Anyway here is Bon Jovi when we saw him in concert in 1987.

This is John Today.

Yep, we all age. Not as well as him but we all age damn it!

Garbage Day.

 Hi kids! 

I remembered it was Garbage Day!  Now that's a first! Want to know how I did that? My husband who refers to himself as Stroke Boy, reminded me of what day it was. Now that's sad, isn't it?

Things are getting back to "normal" whatever that is these days.

Rick was using a walker after this initial huge setback. It changed over night. Today he is back to a walking stick. Almost where he was before all this happened. A bit more to go.  

His PT, OT, and Speech therapies have been moved to WakeMed here in my area. 2.8 miles from my home. So that is helpful. We spent the last 2 days at the main hospital in Raleigh, where he had doctor's appointments etc. So many doctor's offices in the hospital that I was unaware of. I was pushing Rick in a wheelchair so we could move along. But mostly because the walking is extensive in this huge complex so I asked him if he wanted to try the chair and he was so agreeable so he didn't have to walk so far and so much. We brought his walker once he got out of the chair.

As we are going around corners and taking elevators and moving along he kept asking me how I knew my way around this place. I reminded him of all the places he's been here, Neuro ICU, ICU, Intermediate Care, and finally the Rehab hospital wing. I know this hospital sadly and I know how far one must walk. I also think that contributed to my 23lbs weight loss since his stroke - all that damn walking. Okay and never eating but still I never lose weight that quickly in my life so it was odd to me. Thankfully there are chairs along the way that I would sit in for a bit. Catch my breath and move along again.

Normally I was carrying clean clothes or dirty clothes and/or food, luggage, while he lived in rehab. I was always carrying things that made the walks even more difficult. Then the bridge to the parking garage and then the elevator to the floor you parked on. It was a lot. Then yesterday I get to the car and it looks like someone grazed the front part of my car. It is scratched and the door looks fine but opens weirdly. So the black cloud above us hasn't left yet it appears. I have a call into the insurance company so we shall see how this goes.

I've mentioned to anyone who would listen that Rick only got gout every 2-3 years in his right foot. Since the stroke, it's been several times. It has to be the medication. I was poo-pooed until yesterday. I don't care if I am poo-pooed as if I'm a ditz, I will be as tenacious as a pit bull to make them listen to me. 

We got to the A-fib doctor and I again state that it appears to me, the layman, that the drugs you have him on are contributing to the gout issue. Sure enough after going down the list, one was removed entirely and 1 was reduced from 360mg to 120mg.  He needs this medication but it does have a tendency to increase uric acid so we are trying first to reduce it.  He is still on steroids to get his gout down and so far they are working. He is walking and feeling better.  He has also been eating more. Steroids are good for that, aren't they? He has lost a total of 61lbs.  He is thrilled as am I but what a horrible way to do it.

When Rick worked in construction he ate a lot but he was doing so much physical labor that he didn't gain weight. Then he retired and continued to eat that way and put on the pounds fast as lightning. I would remind him as he was outgrowing his clothes that he needed to cut back now that he isn't working physical labor 8-10 hours a day. Climbing stairs, ladders, and carrying heavy equipment. But he didn't care, pass me that 3rd pork chop. 😁

He is now at his weight prior to retirement. (He gained 30lb each year of retirement.) 

He doesn't really eat much at all now but these steroids have brought on hunger. Since I feed him he gets healthier food until today's lunch. He so wanted a tomato sandwich from his garden. So he had a tomato sandwich with pickled onions and cheese. Except for the cheese, the inside of the sandwich was all from his garden. That pleases him so.

Neighbors have been told to take what they want from our garden. I just don't have a lot of time these days. The neighbor across the street, Gwen, took some green tomatoes to make fried green tomatoes.  Never had them. But the breading wouldn't be something I could do now so there is that.

I gave her some beans that I picked, cleaned, blanched, and froze as well as a basket of red tomatoes, cherry tomatoes, green peppers, and jalapenos. She gets so excited. Her son told her these were the best tomatoes he's ever eaten. That made Rick happy. And he's right the cherry tomatoes are like candy. The plum tomatoes were great for sauce and the beefsteak are just damn good tomatoes. Huge, flavorful, and make for a great BLT.  I made pico de gallo 2 nights ago from the garden, our onions, tomatoes, and jalapenos. Limes and cilantro I had to buy. 🤣

The neighbor directly next door, Sharon, lets us know when she picks things out of the garden. Yesterday she text that she feels like she's stealing. Nope, please take what you can use because it breaks our hearts to think it would all go to waste.  Today I will go out later and pick more but most days we leave for the doctor appts in a.m. and come home it's time for dinner and it is a vicious cycle of appointments and driving. So if you live nearby, come get some fresh veggies!!

I haven't had a haircut since April. To wear a pixie but not go for that long means you no long have a pixie cut. I can't get in to see the woman I have been seeing until the end of the month. I tried my old hairdresser and found he now charges $88 for a cut. I'm sorry unless you are making me look like JLO or Selma Hayek I am not paying $88 for a cut and then tip! Nope. 

So my neighbor Sharon has a hair salon I just found out about. 

It does not look like an up-to-date place but I'm going to give it a try. 

I can get in, and it's cheap. I probably will get what I pay for since it's only $45 + tip. We shall see. I'm scared but I need a cut badly. My neighbor was booked and she told me if she was to book with Tonya. Her bio was better than Sharon's, so fingers crossed she will be up to date with texturizing, etc.

I have been chopping pieces here and there. Then I took Rick's edgers for his beard and cut around my ears. They are gonna love my hack job.

Oh, and the doctor and PA (woman physician's assistant) yesterday told Rick how good he looked and sounded. I had just given him a haircut the day before and he was shaved and cleaned. This A-fib doctor only met him in the hospital where you look like shit with an overgrown beard and dirty hair. 

So they made a fuss about ole blue eyes, which is what the PA called him. 

My Big Guy loved all the fuss.

The other day I saw him thinner and older and looking like an old man as he walked into the living room.

It was the first time in my life that I saw him like this.

It rattled me. Where's my Big Guy? 

Ah, We are old.

Funny how I never thought of us as old but damn it I guess we are.

Reality bites.

That's the other thing, they keep telling him he looks at least a decade or more younger than he is. He said yesterday to them, "Well it doesn't help me in any way to look younger if my body is shit"  They laughed of course but I understand what he means. So what if he looks younger than his age he's a hot mess otherwise it appears.  

Next week is jammed packed with doctors, therapies and I even have a drs appointment to follow up on my surgery. I'm doing okay, I think I could be doing better but considering what I have on my plate, I'm okay.

We did get approved for a home modification from our short-term/long-term care insurance. So the tub can be removed to put in a walk-in shower. They give me a set amount they will pay. Anything above that is my responsibility. I have no idea what this will cost. Fingers crossed we can do this for what they give me. I won't even go to the negative place yet. 

Dreary Monday

I promised a story about my miserable family but decided not today.

Let's not go into the mud and muck of toxic people today.

As they say on The Marvelous Mrs Maisel - 'Tits up!'

(meaning go forward and hold yourself up high)

I began my day calling SS for some help in getting a care giver to assist me.

I wanted to see how many hours a week I can get. I have doctor appointments and other reasons to have to leave the house. But I can't do that right now since I can't leave Rick. God I need a hair cut but that's low on the list of priorities but still...Grocery shopping, getting gas, going to the drs etc.

I am also trying to figure out how to get Rick's glasses tightened. If you recall the ER lost them and I got him news ones. I picked them up while he was in the ICU. He has not had them fitted and they are constantly rolling down on his nose. Gout still not ready for going to Costco.

I called SS this a.m. and was on hold for 90 minutes and then a recorded voice came on and told me to call back on Tuesday, a lighter day. So much for that. I also called a young man who neighbors have raved about for hauling. We have a pile behind Rick's wood pile that must be hauled away. It's just a mess and this was on Rick's list the week of his stroke. He asked for pictures and he would give me a quote.

I've lost my handyman and will now have to pay for things like others do. Boy was I lucky!

Are you all aware of affirm or after pay? You can buy things on layaway type situation. It reminds of me of QVC, "for 5 easy payments"  

Same concept. You get your goods and you pay for it monthly with no interest. It's been a game changer for me in my poor life now.

We have used it a few times. After it's paid off then and only then can I think about another thing we may need. This time it's a mattress.

Our mattress has been shitty for years. We had a tempur pedic back in the day. It lasted until it's warranty was up. It lasted 10 years I swear to the day. It was one of the first tempu pedics. We got it in 2000. By 2010 it was shot. Divets where each slept. Because you can't turn them over you can only spin them we did that for years. But finally got rid of it. 

The next one was worse. It lasted 5 yrs. Then onto another one.

It lasted about the same amount of time but we're still using it sadly.

Neither of us can take it so we decided to look for a new one. Prior to Rick's stroke we picked the one we wanted but the price was high and we wanted to wait a bit longer. The time came, they sent an email announcing the July sale. It would save me just over $480. So I decided to bite the bullet and I did it on payment plan of 8 months with no interest. How can I pass that up?  I should have the new mattress in a week or so. Hopefully that young man who hauls stuff will take our old mattress too. 

It's not going to be easy to do this alone but I have to try. Me carrying a king mattress. Or me dragging a king mattress to another location. It's my new life now. We used to do this together so all 5 foot of me will have to figure it out. I am shocked at myself at some things I just never do so now I don't know how. Like work the grill. I mean you go out there and hold one button and press another to start right? But I never ever grill, that has always been Rick's domain. Just like he's never done a million things around this house including paying bills which is my domain. Now it's all mine and I'm doing the best I can but I suck at some of this stuff. Like putting this shower seat together. Oh how I should never have let him do all this. I need to know stuff too. 

My weekend was waiting on Rick, cleaning, laundry and moving rugs. Because now he uses a walker instead of his walking stick so area rugs are a major pain in the ass. So I washed the ones that can be washed and got them out of his way. But the steroids Rick is taking is making him hungry. As I mentioned in a previous post, he has lost just over 40lbs. The way he was eating yesterday I told him he will gain it quickly. He ate 3 meals and ice cream. He hasn't eaten that much food since May 21st. 

Because of my surgery sleep has been difficult for me. I couldn't lay on my side or tummy and that is how I normally sleep. Laying on my back keeps me awake. I am working on fumes. I slept 2 hrs on Saturday. I was miserable on Sunday. I was a walking zombie. But last night I got some serious sleep. Rick gets up a lot at night we are thinking due to the steroids. He is peeing constantly. Of course I wake up and make sure he gets to the bathroom and back. When I hear him softly snoring I can go back to sleep - I hope. Last night I did. I woke up a lot but I fell back to sleep. I also could sleep on my one side so that was so very helpful. 

I am having some issues from surgery that I did not had at the beginning. 

I see my doctor on the 27th so we shall see. I hope it's all nothing because I can't take much more of anything at this point. I am holding it together by a very thin thread.

Rick has a doctors appt tomorrow and again with his new A-Fib doctor on Tuesday. I have a calendar of appointments so my new job is chauffeur. They moved all his rehabs to a WakeMed location 3 miles from us instead of 18 miles from us at the main campus. That will make things better for me anyway. But it's not about me, we hope it's the same level of care. It's WakeMed so it should be. Funny name for a hospital isn't it? I guess it's because of Wake, being in Wake County, and Med being medical. Only thing I can think of but who knows. 

And like the rest of the country it has been opressively hot. Today it is cool in comparison. So Rick is going to sit on the patio while I cut his hair today. He needs to get cleaned up for his appointments. He asked me what I thought about taking off all his facial hair again. I said do whatever it is you want. It's your face. (I do prefer him with hair on his face but he has so little choices these days of what he wants so I told him to do whatever his pea pickin' heart wanted which made him chuckle)

It's only going to be 88 degrees today. It's overcast and dreary and I don't mind. Keep the sun behind those clouds!! 

Sadly, the rest of the week will be high 90s again with high 90+% humidity. 

I do not like summer. Least favorite season here. Give me spring, fall and winter and you can keep summer. I just need 75 degrees and we don't have that in summer that is spring and fall and a few winter days. 

Thank God for air conditioning but then its a culprit causing global warming. Not a good cycle is it? Are you using your air right now? Or are you lucky enough to live in a cool climate? Are there still cool climates with global warming?

Inquiring minds want to know.