Mush Mouth

Do you remember Fat Albert and Mush Mouth?  

That is what Rick sounds like of late.

He woke up talking funny. His S's and Th's are VERY obvious. 

I was worried he had a stroke. He already had a doctor's appointment luckily in 2 days after this began. I wanted him to go to the ER right then. But as he is prone to do, he insisted he wait for his dr appointment. 

His doctor didn't think it was a stroke but she did all the tests to be sure. 

It was not a stroke. 

She recommended he go to an Ear, Nose, and Throat physician.

Rick did tell his doctor it felt like the back of his tongue was swollen.

If I am not in front of him I don't understand him 100% of the time. 

It's been over a week now. It has gotten a lot better but still not good. 

He got an appointment quickly with the ENT doctor. 

He was told it is normally 4 things.

1. Stroke

2. Thyroid

3. Flomax medication - Dr said this is one he sees frequently. (weird)

4. Pesticides from fruit or some food.

So they went down the list and checked off what they could.

1. We know it was not a stroke. Thank Goodness

2. When he was at the doctor's office she had done his thyroid numbers and he was in the good range and his thyroid medication didn't need changing. They really didn't think that was it but they did the blood work again anyway.

3.  They asked him to stay off his Flomax medication for 1 week to see if it's what is causing the problem. The ENT doc said that he has seen this a great deal. Someone is on it for years and then poof, suddenly this rears its head.

4. He has a Cara Orange every night. He bites down on it to open it to get started instead of using a knife he uses his teeth. 

I believe it's number 4. Dr. Peg really thinks this is the issue. So much so I mentioned this before he went to the doctor and he poo-pooed me. 

Oh, the silly man.

Back in the late 80s/early 90s, he ran his teeth against the inside of the mango skin to get the rest of the mango off. So his teeth went across inside and outside of the skin. He was rushed to an ER in mere minutes after that because his throat was closing. He had a severe reaction to the mango, or so we thought. They thought he was allergic to not the mango but the pesticides. But while there they made him try a mango that the nurse we happened to know had one. It was not the mango, it was indeed the skin and the pesticides. 

But talk about scary.

We are having our medical issues, aren't we? Thankfully nothing serious but honestly I hate that my days are doctor appointments. Is that retirement?

You get all this free time and you use it for medical appointments?

Not diggin' it.

This looks like Izzy on the right too. And of course, she'd be on that dock.

God, how I miss that dog!🧡

Stuck

I apologize to anyone who finds this post offensive or too crude. You've been warned.

Have you seen the TV show Stuck? I believe it's on TLC

I was scrolling through the guide when I saw the name and it made me stop. Rick was in the kitchen. I hit the info button to see what it was about when he walked in. I should have just kept going because when I saw the info I knew this would be something he'd want and he'd tell me he HAD to watch.

The info said that a woman got a dildo stuck in her butt and had to go to the ER to have it removed. Dear Lord this is what is on regular tv now?

As soon as ole Rick saw this he said, "Hey stop I'd like to see this" Of course you would you sick puppy. He was laughing when I said I knew you would. I had no intentions of watching it.

He said, "ah c'mon give it a chance." I gave it 2 minutes.

A woman who looked like Rebecca of Sunny Brook Farms is explaining that she is addicted to masturbating.  TMI perhaps?

She lives on a farm, she is lonely, yada yada.  

I looked at Rick and said, "nope, I'm going to go in the other room and watch something else or read okay?"  

He laughed and said, "you'll wish you watched this."  

In all honesty, when she said she lived on a farm and she was lonely I thought she was going to say she was, well, doing it with the animals thank God she didn't say that.

Ah, no I don't think so, this is not for me.

Rick couldn't wait to tell me about the surgery and the doctor and this crazy woman. How it was slippery and that was why she could not grab it. Honestly, how do you agree to go on television and show this, talk about this, etc?  Who does that? Her mama must be so proud!  What kind of person wishes to share this with the world?  She also apparently didn't have insurance so she may have agreed to the show so she got it done for free. Personally, I'd take out a loan, rob a bank, steal the money from a family member.  ANYTHING but be on TV. Can you imagine that discussion at the bank?  "The reason for this loan ma'am?" Oh, I need surgery because I got horny and stuck a big dildo up my butt.

I don't know why someone would agree to be on tv with this and truth be told I just don't care. Rick said the doctor loves being an ER doctor because you see everything. (apparently!) That each day is very different from the one before. I hope so, I mean what a bad week you're having if all you are doing is removing dildos from people's butts. "How was your day dear?" 

"Oh same old same old, just another dildo stuck up another ass."  

The show does show other gross things. A bug that crawled into a guys ear. But I still won't watch. I find it all gross.

Rick loves to watch surgeries on TV and anything that frankly I find disgusting. 

One day many years ago he watched a knee replacement. 

I just can't do that. 

Then when I had an appointment for breast reduction he watched it on TV and kept telling me to come in and watch it before I do this. 

No, because then I won't do it! 

But the ass had to tell me how they remove the nipples and put them back on in their new place.

Geez, I didn't need to know any of this. I mean I knew because I was told at my consultation but I don't wish to watch it.

I didn't get it done anyway because I got downsized within 1.5 weeks of my consultation. It was not covered by insurance because it was considered elective surgery and not mandatory (a man made that rule I betcha) 

I surely didn't think spending 12K (the 80s) and being out of work was a smart move on my part so stuck with the boobs. 

The wrong thing was downsized if you ask me, but it is what it is.

This past week I saw the promo come on for the show so I knew it was my cue to leave the room. But damn it, I saw a young girl who had an accident on her bike and her handle brake was embedded in her leg. 

I said, "Ewwww" and left the room. 

Rick laughed and said, "God I live for this shit"

Yes, you are a big friggin' weirdo Rick!  He just laughs. This is not normal I tell him. But he insists that others watch this because why else would it be on TV. 

I tell him everyone has gone mad and I am the normal one. 

To which he howls with laughter.

He watches a lot of gross things I just can't watch like Dr. Pimple Popper.

I don't get it, I never will. There are just some things about this man I love that make me shake my head. This is a big one!  HA, not the dildo, this weird quirk of my husband's. 😁

Doctor for Betty

Well, my doctor at Duke University Hospital Eye Center was adorable. 
The process once entering the hospital was slick. I went to check in just past the front doors of the hospital. Then I went to the waiting room until called. 

This place is enormous. Very much reminded me of Johns Hopkins.

I found it funny that the street to turn onto is called Eye Center Drive. 

Made it easy to find for the directionally impaired and Rick.🤣 

Once inside everything was made easy for me.

My paperwork given before my appointment said this would be 2 - 3 hours.

So I was prepared. I felt sorry for Rick to be honest. I knew I would not be able to see to drive home so he had to drive me here. Thankfully there was a place nearby that he wanted to go to that was a "wood store" so he wasn't sitting in the lobby the entire time. 

As I sat in the waiting room a woman says to me, "Oh I love your haircut." 

She got up immediately and came over to me. 

Now paranoid Peg is sitting there as this woman gets closer I recoil and move back and she grabs my head and is moving it. WTF?  

I pulled away and asked nicely what the hell she was doing. 

She says, "Oh my God I'm sorry, I'm a hairstylist and I wanted to see this cut. Instinct you know. That was just habit - you aren't my client. I'm so sorry"  

She went back to her seat with a red face. 

I could tell she couldn't believe she did it either.

"I would have moved my head if you asked, I say to her. But I do get now why you moved my head the way you did, just like my hairstylist would."

She sat down and I'm laughing because I understood her, but honestly how damn weird. Because I could tell she was mortified I let it go. She apologized a few times. (Thank God we were all masked)

She asked where I got it cut. We had a nice long conversation while waiting to be called. But man, I'll never forget this event, it was so weird. I am apparently having a great hair week because yesterday at Carmax a woman who walked past me, then walked backwards toward me said, "Love your hair" and then walked away. 

Geez, that was nice. Lose an eye get a good hair day.

I am called to the back after a short wait and can leave the crazy woman.

A nice young man did all kinds of looking at my eye. We also laughed a lot. I was with him for well over an hour. He had a small 1970s afro which I complimented him on. I said I'm old enough to be your mom so I remember this style from back in the day only in 2022 you're missing a pick stuck in your hair and a pair of platform shoes and bell-bottoms. He told me he dressed like that for a Halloween party. He saw a photo of his father dressed like that with "love beads" and thought it was hysterical so he went with it. I told him he looked good. And he really did! C'mon who remembers Love Beads? I had 'em. 😊

He did tests and a slew of things I've had done before. Even another eye test. 

But when they put the thing with the holes over my eye and I'm to read the letters all I see with that eye is snow. Like in the old days when TV went off the air and you just had snow. That is what I see when they put those things with the tiny holes over my eye. Flips me out each time. I find it scary. This young man was so nice and very kind and concerned for my comfort. I noticed a slight NY accent and asked where he was from knowing full well he was from Queens. 

He looked away from the computer and said, "still have my accent?"  

I laughed and said I am so missing the north that I heard it and it felt like a warm hug. It is ever so slight. We shared our stories and that calmed me a bit I admit.

Then the Dr. comes in. He is wearing a pair of scrubs and a long white lab coat with canvas Converse sneaker from back in the day. He was a tall skinny guy and incredibly personable. We talked about my journey with this mass I've named Betty. 

He asked a ton of questions and LISTENED to the answers. That is rare. 

He put me through more hoops and tests.

Then he walked me to another area for more photos and a needle in my arm with iodine for these pictures. They blind you with a light and geez that was fun. 

I had numbing drops, dilation drops, and other drops but I don't recall what they did.  I had a needle in my arm with iodine. Then I cut the bridge of my nose.  

Clumsy Peg needed to move the seat up because they wanted me closer but my feet didn't touch the ground. The tech is behind the machine and no one is there, so with my stomach, I moved myself forward. (Ab work out) But when I lifted my head I banged into a metal rod on this machine. It began to bleed ever so slightly. The tech was freaking out when he heard the crack of my face hitting the rod. 

I told him I was fine. I had a kleenex from all the drops in my eye and I just wiped it off. It stopped after that and was only a small-looking cut and no more bleeding. What an idiot I am! A short idiot now with a cut on the bridge of my nose and a bump and it's sore. 

After these tests, I sat with my doctor again. I have to share that he was a little too giddy about ole Betty. But before we go further he wants all the tests that were done at the Retina Ctr of Washington. They did oncology testing as well as all these crazy tests on my eye. Like the one where they put a dye in my arm and I saw colors everywhere. The man in front of me was purple. Everyone was a color it was wild. 

He told me he wants to read all of this before he orders more testing. Not all my pictures and paperwork was sent. 

He believes if this is not cancer he knows what it is. I don't believe for a minute this is cancer. 

I got the impression he doesn't either but he wants to check off all the boxes. 
I've been through all that but I understand why he wants to rule that out. Besides having this for 3 years I would think I'd be pretty sick by now if it were. 

Then again what do I know, so maybe not.

He told me some options. I swear he was downright giddy. 

I can fix this he kept saying. He was excited. 

I didn't share in his enthusiasm, but he was cute. 

It reminded me of a very old Grey's Anatomy when the doctors finally have something they read about in med school and now they have it in real life. He was that giddy. He mentioned that sometimes if this is inflammation as suspected he will give oral medication to suppress your immune system. 

That will deflate this apparently. 

He explained how it worked on a child recently who had great success.

He didn't think I'd be any different. BUT he wants to see all the testing first. 
But then he said, "we will cross that bridge when I am 100% sure of what this is. 

I believe I know now, but I want to see all that was done. Was it done my way or did they do what I would want to be done next? If not, we will have to repeat some tests that they may have done" 

He repeated that he didn't want me to pay for it all again if they did it and I must say I appreciated that.

The first thing that went through my mind was my trip north in 3 weeks. 

If my immune system is suppressed should I be on a plane? 

Should I be around a lot of people? I would think the answer is a big fat no on this with covid. I did not ask because I felt I should just move forward and if we come to that I will ask his thoughts on this for certain. 
I go back in 2 weeks after he's had the time to review all the documentation and photos I signed the release forms for him to get. 

So that is what is happening with Betty. In the meantime, I have drops (steroids) to put in my eye 3x a day. They burn like hell. 

But if it works I just don't care. I just wish to see again!

Entertainment

I was addicted to the show 'Inventing Anna' as I mentioned in an earlier post. I stayed up late to watch it to the end. The fact that this is a true story blows my mind.  This woman is a psychopath con. Sometimes I think she believed her lies. The fact that her lawyer and the woman who wrote a book about her all felt bad for her just blows my mind. 

I didn't see that coming and for the life of me I can't figure out why they would. But I can't shake the story. 

I keep thinking about it and I don't want to!

The woman who plays Anna did a fabulous job. She was also on Ozark. 

It took Rick a bit to shake the Ozark character then he was okay. 

I don't care for Ozark so while I knew she was in it, I only saw 'Anna'

I am not a fan of Shonda Rhimes shows. 

(Grey's Ant. when it first started but it's been dead for years now) 

But this one didn't have everyone screwing non-stop with no connection to the story as all her other shows are like. Did you watch it? Did you feel bad for her (anna) or just think she got what she deserved in the end? I do believe she had mad skills to dupe everyone and if she used those mad skills for good my goodness she'd be a formidable force.  But she deserved jail time and more than she got.

Then we watched a movie with Glen Close and Mahershala Ali called Swan Song.  We went to bed shortly after watching this movie and I dreamt about it. It was something we talked about for a couple of days. 

"Would you want me to do that? Would you want to do that?" 

Here is the trailer and here is what google says it's about. 

Written and directed by Academy Award-winning filmmaker Benjamin Cleary, “Swan Song” explores how far we will go, and how much we're willing to sacrifice, to make a happier life for the people we love.

 

I am not a sci-fi film buff by any means in fact normally they are cartoonish to me but this was more of a heartfelt love and sacrifice story than just science fiction. But what does scare me is that this will be happening soon and I'm glad I'll be dead. I don't think this is science fiction in the future, I think it's happening now. As we know with dogs, sheep etc. It's just a matter of time.

I think since Covid, I am watching way too much TV. 

But I won't step into a movie theatre so it is what it is. 

Spinach and a Door.

While off the blog for a few days Rick told me he found a pantry door for our pantry he built. If you recall he built the pantry and the door is still the outside door in an ugly shade of high gloss blue no less, when it was an exit to the side porch. 

We have been looking for a new door since he built this. They are either cheap doors with an expensive price tag or a nice door with a very expensive price tag. We were not spending thousands on a door. 

Rick said he found one on Craigslist.  I don't like craigslist because I think they are all serial killers. Rick laughs at me. But he showed me the door. 

I took my chances of being killed when I saw this door.

It was solid wood. Those are the ones I like but are thousands. I did not like the doorknob but I can change that because I am changing all the ones in the house. The woman spray painted the knobs in this house to make it look updated. It didn't look updated, just cheap because it is coming off. I'm a lover of spray paint but you need to know where you can use it and doorknobs are not one of them.

So after looking at the photo we read the ad. 

He bought it for his wife but they found it too wide. 

He asked for only $65 and must be in cash. Can do that price. 

It was far north of us. And NW of Raleigh. It was a 53-minute drive and we figured what the hell. I contacted him and he said to give him a time and we did. It was a nice drive and I got to see an area I have not been to yet. 

When we arrived I said, "Oh my God this house is so cool. I hope I can go inside" To which Rick replied, "I don't think he will invite us in, Besides what happened to him being a serial killer?" 

"Look at this house Richard!"

The young man had a very cool mid-century modern home. 

I complimented the architecture at the door and he said, "Please come in." 

We discussed this for a bit. He was thrilled that I knew about some of the things we discussed. I told him I live for this stuff, the architecture, and the design. Rick said, "Oh God she does." 

The young man said, "I wish my wife were here she would love to take you through the house and discuss all this but I have to go back to work, I'm sorry."  No problem, I wasn't expecting a tour. 

He added, "If my wife heard you she'd not only give you a tour but make you lunch so you kindred spirits could discuss. He asked what we were going to use the door for. 

A pantry we shared. He then told us about why he had to sell this because they bought it for his pantry as well.  

But he said it didn't fit. He explained to Rick and me why.  

We gave him the money and he and Rick put it in the truck and off we went. 

I said to Rick, couldn't he have just planed it or cut it with a saw and made the door fit. Rick said, "Oh yeah, he just didn't know how and it's our luck that he didn't. It would only have taken 10 minutes time to make the change but I didn't want to tell him I wanted this door."  

(we had to do just that but it took less than 5 minutes)

Oh, we are bad! But I prefer to think he didn't know how or didn't have the tools so easier to buy a new door. That is at least what I tell myself to feel better about this steal for the door.

Here is a picture of the new door, leaning against the outside door that is currently there and painted that horrific shade of blue. Rick suggested taking out the slats to put in frosted glass. I say leave the slats. We shall see how this plays out.

Also while I was off taking time for me I made frozen spinach. Since moving here I have been to 7 different grocery store chains looking for bird's eye frozen spinach. The only frozen spinach we both like. I use frozen spinach a great deal. But it can't be found. Oh, they have it on walmart.com but it was through instacart which I do not find helpful at 1.49 a box and $35 to ship it to my home. 

While I did plan to buy a lot of boxes, I was not paying $35 to get them to my home. I am being cheap I am sure you are thinking. 

I prefer to say I am now on a fixed income and I must watch my money more closely.

I even wrote to bird's eye. They wrote back telling me to just keep trying the stores. What the hell good was that? I bought this enormous amount of fresh spinach from Costco. It made only a 1- 9oz box of frozen spinach. 

We really thought even though it cooks down so much we'd get at least 2 boxes of spinach out of this amount. But no, only one. So it's not cheaper to make it yourself but I tried. Epic fail. Now was it easy to do? Hell yeah. Cook, squeeze, chop, measure, freeze. But I won't be doing it again. 

I am going north in a month and I will look there. If they have it I can ship it to my home maybe? I can't get it on the plane that is for certain unless I check my bag and put it in a freezer bag so it doesn't leak anywhere. Honestly just for spinach. 

Back to instacart, I do not see the appeal of it. It is so damn expensive. 

I have tried twice now for buying groceries. Once from a Walmart site and once from amazon. I would rather shop the aisles in person over online but when necessary it's easier to just go to my grocery store website and order and then pick it up. At least in VA our grocery store did the delivery, not instacart.  I refuse to use Instacart!  It is a big rip off and I will just get off my fat arse and fetch it before giving these people my money. Order online and pick up is far easier and cheaper if necessary to me. Then again since everyone uses it, perhaps it's cheaper where they live. Either way, not a fan of instacart. Do you use it?

'Betty'

Remember Betty? That mass on my right eye retina? Well, now it is causing me pain as well as the inability to have 20/20 vision. I went to a doctor who is a retina specialist on Friday the 18th.

After several hours and pictures etc in the office, he referred me to Duke. There is an Eye center there and this doctor was like my doctor in VA. Top of the class sort. Who was one of 10 who got into this proctor program? This is international and that is all I know about it. This Dr explained that I had 1 of 10 in the country who are familiar with this and this Dr. at Duke was another 1 of the 10. I did call Duke first and they said they had no openings. So he called while I sat there and I got in two days later.

I am a bit scared. It is worse and I know it. I just want to save my vision. We shall see, won't we?

Here is a picture they gave me to show the new doctor. I do not know what I am looking at but it isn't pretty. 

Wednesday

I'm going to take a mental health break for a few days. 

See ya'll soon.

All Over The Place

Well, that's over! Gosh Valentines Day to me is such a Hallmark holiday.

I am not a fan. Never have been and don't think that will change.

I get flowers for no reason all the time from Rick. He surprises me with tootsie rolls for no reason. Sure he has gotten me the obligatory heart shape box of chocolates. Only because one year many many moons ago we were talking and I said I've never gotten a box of chocolates. I'd love it because it would be MY gift and so not sharing is socially fine. (I was only half joking..tee hee)

Rick laughed at that selfish comment and that was that. But come February he got me a big ole box of chocolates. I did share and not even begrudgingly. 😂

___________

We had these awesome beds for Izzy. Over the years we bought cheap beds at Costco and they lasted as long as the frozen food we got on the same day. 

Then we tried Orvis. My goodness, those were expensive. 

Several hundred dollars and she hated them after 1 year. The bolster collapsed and the bottom did not hold up. The last one we gave to our doggy daycare and it was well over $200. 

Izzy just refused to lay in it. She would lay against it and be on the floor. 

Then I saw these on Amazon and read the reviews.

The bolster never fell down or became less firm. Great firm memory foam on the bottom which was good for her arthritis. We had them for 9 years. This cover comes off to wash and it easily goes back on. We had 2. 

One for the living room, like her own sofa or couch, and one upstairs in the bedroom to sleep. 

This morning I washed the 2nd one. After drying we put it back together.

I gathered up all of Izzy's things we thought the rescue could use. 

Rick brought them to Black Dog Rescue. 

I did not wish to go. Too soon for me.

I don't know how he did this. I also told him he can not bring home all the dogs. He laughed and I repeated, "Seriously Richard I know you, a black lab comes up to you and next thing you know it's in your truck. Do not bring a dog home!"  He said he'd try.  

The rescue was mighty thrilled Rick said. Rick called them prior to going there and he asked if any items were needed. But when she saw 2 large dog beds she was very happy. Especially for the older dogs with arthritis like Izzy. She told Rick they need large dog beds and items for big and/or older dogs. Dog bowls, a big bag of Blue Buffalo, a ferminator, nail clippers, poop bags, and fun things like that were given. 

She then asked if Rick was ready for a new dog. He said no he was not. (Good answer Rick)

It was nice to be able to give this shelter all of Izzy's things. We both liked that these dogs could enjoy some of them. We just didn't wish to throw them out.

______________

I've been watching a few shows that Rick hasn't been watching. When one is awake all night like me, watching tv you tend to see things he doesn't.  Last night I had him catch up so we could finish watching together the show 'Inventing Anna.'  It is a wild true story. How this woman got away with all she did is fascinating. She was not a nice person but I give her kudos for her manipulative smarts that is for sure. Have you watched this? It's a Shonda Rhimes show and normally I am not a fan of Shonda's shows. They always start off okay then all the characters fall off the ledge to me. This has been good so far. Only 9 episodes. 

The other is a doc on A&E about Hugh Hefner. OMG. Eye-opening. 

He was nothing like "his persona" He was a sick individual, when sex with animals came into play I lost it. Look if you are a grown-ass adult I do not care what you do in your home behind closed doors. But I will never be okay with harming children or animals. Beastiality is sick. Period. No exceptions! The people who feel free to talk now that he is dead is mind-blowing. People who were by his side for over 45 years. This includes his wife, whom he had when he died. 

The doc is like a car accident, I know I shouldn't look but I can't look away.

Have any of you seen this?

Rant

I have a rant - you've been warned.

There is a plus-size (God I hate that phrase) model who shows the skinny size 0 model wearing XYZ on the left and then she wears it on the right. She thinks she is showcasing that at her size you can wear everything they do no matter your size. For the most part she does that exactly. She is also protesting clothing not being made above a size 12. I get that and applaud that. Everyone should be able to buy clothes no matter their size. Not just cheap Lane Bryant clothing but really very nice clothing and designer clothing. That normally doesn't go above a size 8. 

I could never wear some of the things she will wear when showing she is the same as that twig model.  I think it's great that she thinks a half-shirt looks nice and she's not self-conscious. Good for people who can do that. 

I can't. I am nowhere near her size but even when I was 110lbs I would never. So I have my own issues. LOL.
She is correct in all of this.

Then she posted something about the new Renee Zellwegger movie. 
It's a true story called 'The Thing About Pam.' 

After Renee's last Bridget Jones movie, Renee swore she was not gaining and losing the weight again, it was too hard on her body as she has gotten older. This woman, Pam, in real life was quite heavy so they used a fat suit and padded her face and body. 

Well, apparently the plus-size people are all up in arms. 
One actually wrote that this is the equivalent of white people using black face. Oh for the love of God, not even close!!   

You're fat, it's not the same. Everyone was bitching that they should only use fat actresses. Seriously? Isn't it called acting? The person who played the elephant man did not have that disease, he was ACTING. Tom Hanks was not a real pilot when he played Sully on the Hudson. Julie Roberts did not have boobs big enough when playing Erin Brockovich so they padded the hell out of her she said.  Maybe I should have played Erin, I could fill out that bra. 

I am exhausted by the PC community sometimes. Honestly, are there more than 3 fat actresses? The young woman on This is Us, Kirstie I am Scientology hear me roar Alley and Melissa McCarthy. So there is that fact. Out of those 3, only Melissa is any good in my opinion. 

But honestly, I just began watching Inventing Anna on Netflix, another true story. The woman was Russian. The actress is not Russian, she is also on the TV show Ozark. They didn't get up in arms because she wasn't Russian. What is with this fat society? Apparently, I am the minority and the other thousand or so thought this was a HUGE deal and they would be protesting the movie. Oh yeah, that will hurt them. 

I also understand seeing representation. When my nieces were little I loved that they saw people who looked like them on Disney and movies. It meant a lot to them too because they were raised by white Grandparents. We made a point of doing all of that. Representation is very important. But in a movie, if it calls for someone to be obese, I think it's just perfectly fine to use an actress they think is excellent and pad her if necessary.

With this logic of theirs no man should try out for Chippendales unless you are a real dancer - Six pack be damned, you must really be a dancer. You are taking a job away from a real dancer. I know it's not fair because there are fat men and no one says a thing to John Goodman but he also isn't given roles that go to Hugh Jackman either.
When Halle Berry was a Bond girl the script did not say, give me a black girl to come out of the water in an orange bikini. No, she auditioned for the part and just got it.

The commentators kept saying, there are a lot of fat actresses who can't get work. Okay, I get that and I understand that. Not a big call for a big actress, but where are they? Did they audition? Did their agent even get a script for them? Did they suck so they went with a good actress who happened to be skinny?

I get this to a point but overall it annoys me and makes me ticked off. 

It's called Acting!!   

In the meantime let me get my fat ass into my size 12 jeans. 

Yep, that makes me plus size. All such a waste of energy doesn't it?

CODA

Saturday night I suggested Rick pick a movie. He went to Apple tv and he choose 3. He told me to pick one. I told him I couldn't, your pick. 

He chose CODA.

If you are unaware CODA, is 'children of deaf adults.' 

I did not think this show was going to be what it was. 

I'm glad I was wrong.

I highly recommend this movie. 

The actor who played the father was so damn good!!! 

His face was so expressive, he said more with his face than any great actor. There is a scene near the end where he so intently watches his daughter's face while he holds her throat to feel her sing. His face right then did me in as it did Rick. This morning Rick told me this guy was nominated for an Oscar. Well deserved!! 

This is the story of a 17yr old girl who is the only hearing person in her family. All the actors in her family were all deaf actors. 

We cried a few times during this movie. It was emotional.

When it was over Rick said, "I've had enough crying this week let's watch something to make us laugh. I'm macho remember?"

That made me laugh but I sure understood what he meant even though this crying was not so much a mourning but emotional. 

It did make Rick and I discuss how not using our (ASL) sign language has made us lose it. We are disappointed in ourselves for that. If you recall we had a fun final at a restaurant that I wrote about 10 yrs ago.

If you have the time check out this movie. 

I think you'll find it better than you'd have thought. 

Then again, maybe that's just me.😄

Tid Bits

The old owners when selling this house gave us a folder. It was a folder of paid receipts and warranties as well as manuals for all the appliances left behind in the kitchen. We thanked her a million times. We did that for the new owners of our house so we were thrilled they did the same. And boy has this come in handy. 

First the manuals. I referred to them about this stove and fridge. 

I hate electric stoves, gee have I mentioned that? 😀  

But some of these knobs and items made no sense and it was helpful to have the manual. I still don't think the oven is calibrated correctly but it's electric. It could just be that. It is not a consistent heat on stovetop or oven because that is the nature of cooking with electric. That makes such a HUGE difference in cooking and baking.

Anyhoo, we had 2 days of solid rain early last week. The first day it was over I noticed a stain on the crease of where the ceiling meets the wall. 

It was about 2.5 feet long. I pointed this out to Rick. 

We forgot about the folder of paperwork and we called a roofer. 

He took photos and gave us an estimate.  He was so nice to us, he told us that this was a new roof, I'd look into the warranty or if you know the previous owners. The problem is just nail pops. ('just') His quote was $380 but if under warranty then I'd prefer $0.

Rick came inside to tell me what this man told him and I said, "Hey if it's new there should be a receipt or warranty in the folder!"  

Sure enough, both were in there. I can't believe we forgot about that. 

Well, not like we haven't had other things on our minds this past week.

So we called the company who installed this new roof 1.5 yrs ago and asked them to come out. After they inspected, they apologized and asked if we had any shingles left from when they did this. We told them we had them in the garage. He then sent a couple of young men here today to repair all the nail pops and to make sure no other issues. One of the young men was here on Friday with the owner to inspect so he was very aware. It was indeed covered under the warranty. Whew. Rick thanked him in Spanish and said something else. The man got so excited and began to rattle off quickly words Rick knew 1/2 of. Rick told him he only knew a little bit, but he said it in Spanish. The man thanked him for trying to talk to him in Spanish. And off they went. 

Now we HATE the popcorn ceilings but we can't afford to do everything this year to this damn house, too many other issues are underway. So now we have a brown water stain with popcorn ceilings. Lovely! Just lovely.

______________

The other night I was up at 2am and couldn't go back to sleep. Rick was sound asleep so I got up and went into the living room. Izzy's bed was still there and I thought about taking it to the garage but didn't. I turned on the TV and sat my butt down. Honestly by this time is when Izzy comes out to the living room to join me. It was so odd. 

I turned on the TV but I didn't want anything deep. Not in the mood. I found a comedian. Never heard of her. It was from 2018. I watched it and she made me laugh. Then I searched to see if she had any others. She did indeed, one from 2015. I watched that. I think she is a sister from another mister. Last night Rick said he needed something to laugh so I told him to watch. He liked her too. She is not for everyone, not all G rated but we liked her.

Now imagine my surprise when I read an article today that stated she writes a good portion of the stand-up on the show, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. HA. My favorite show!! That all makes sense now doesn't it?

I am madly in love with the Prime show called The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. 

I love everything about it. (the clothes! the era, the hutzpah, everything!)

So when we see Midge doing stand up it's her and a few other female stand-ups who wrote it.

For some dumb reason that made me happy. The show comes back on the 18th but instead of all of them, they are only going to do 2 a week. Yuk.

I like to binge, not watch like it's regular TV. I'm spoiled now.

_________________

Something I've noticed. I talked to Izzy all the time. I never realized I did this as much as I am now realizing. When I am at the sink she was always there to my left waiting for me. She lay down and just watch me until I was done. Then off we'd go.  

If I was scrubbing a pan and it was difficult I'd say, "Iz, I don't know what your father did here but I can't get this sucker clean" and I'd look at her. She'd wag her tail like she understood. Well, I did that today. Geez. I caught myself and stopped of course. I also do it when I'm doing other things I found. I don't think I realized how much I talked to my dog. 

I also didn't realize how much food fell on the floor until there was no furry hoover to suck it up.😀 

Rick had a friend in his workshop all day, every day. He came in today and said it was lonely out there. He sat down and I made him lunch and said, "I'll go out to the workshop and nap on the floor if you'd like" 

He said he'd like to see that. Well, I'd have to blow up the air mattress first. 😊

 We will get better.

Sorry, last one.

The house is loudly silent.

Last night as you can imagine was a difficult one. We knew in our hearts we did the right thing but...

Our evenings are so much of Izzy. But then again so are our days. At one point Rick said to me, "Hey wanna go for a walk? I'll get the leash for ya!"  

I laughed and said I'll go but I know how to heel.  It was odd to have some dinner and then not go for a walk. Even odder was dropping something on the floor while making something to eat and I had to pick it up because Izzy was not there scarfing it up before I can get it. I'm going to have to sweep my floor more often now I told Rick. 😊

This morning I got up before Rick, it was still dark out. I just was having a difficult night as it happens. I swore I heard Izzy's nails on the kitchen floor and it made me whip around. Ah, it will take time.

I want to share with you the lovely company who helped us with this.

While Izzy was walking better she was not eating much. We always knew if Izzy didn't eat there was a problem. Her blood work showed nothing but she had red streaks in her poop. Then it was full on blood pouring out her butt and food was just not her thing unless you gave her cheese. If intestines she was too old for surgery. 

"They" wanted Izzy to be 72- 70lbs. She was at her fighting weight. She got down to 70lb after all this illness. She was also hurting from something and I thought dying so who gives a shit if she gets fat again, she is getting cheese! She slept a lot once she could put her head down.

In her almost 13 yrs with us she always wanted to lay outside when she didn't feel well. Yesterday she did not wish to come in. We let her stay out there. She was sunning her self in the driveway and we went out there with our lawn chairs. Then she went to the grass were it was shade. We were outside the entire day, so long that now the grassy area had sun. (I got sunburned cheeks) 

We had called Lap of Love but they neither answered their phones or responded to messages. They do the same thing as the company we called. What kind of company does not return calls or answer phones when they do mobile euthanasia? That just floors me. We then called another company called Azure Holland Mobil Vet Service. They do euthanasia for your pet as well as palpative care, hospice and all end of life needs.

I called them. We went over her blood work, they had me send them things to go over her records and health. I told them what was happening. I said we think it's time. By this time the only thing coming out her butt was bloody muscus.  When we gave her chicken she'd take a small piece and eventually vomit it up. Her eyes told us all we needed to know. 

When Izzy is sick she is my dog. She always wants to lay near me and be spoiled. This time she herded us both to her. We sat on the floor and just loved her. We cried and we knew. We think she knew too.

I called the mobile vet in the morning and told them it was time. They had an opening from 4-6p that day (yesterday) and asked if that was okay? We said fine. Prolonging this wasn't going to be any easier.

Rick and I were on beach towels siting on the grass with her. We were not going to make her come inside if she didn't wish to. When the vet called to say she was running early and asked if we would be okay with that or allow us to wait since that is what time we were prepared for. We told her to come over. This suffering was horrible for all 3 of us but mostly Izzy.

I told her we were outside with the dog and why. She said if that is where Izzy is most comfortable we can do this outside for her. Wow we thought that was great of her. Being outside is all she ever wants even if it is just sitting on the stoop.

The vet, Dr. Abby, arrived and Izzy got up to meet her. (dr abby was from my hometown how wild is that?)

Izzy went to her with her teddy bear in her mouth and doing her love grunt. Her happy to see you noise and wiggle butt. The vet examined her. We went over her medical issues going on. We knew everything she was telling us but it is good to hear again and they whys. To be certain this was time I guess. I mean who calls for euthanasia if not their time?

She told us she had a chocolate lab she lost a while she was in Vet School and it was just the sweetest dog and she was always so stoic and never whined as some dogs do when in pain. Sounds like Izzy.

She called her dog Lumpy Teddy Bear because like Izzy she had lipomas on her body. She said it felt like Teddy want her to not suffer. We laughed and said, we fully understood that. We told her some of things and she was in agreement with what we saw.

This Vet Angel talked us through each stage. Full detail, sometimes more than I wanted to hear. But it was good to hear what to expect with each shot she received. She asked us to try to give Izzy some cheese or something she loves while she gave her the sedative. Rick and I were sitting with her little face. She ate only some cheese. Her tail wagged once. After that sedative is in full effect she was given the last dose and we saw her slowly die. By this time we were both in a puddle.

The vet asked Rick to help put Izzy on the gurney and help carry her to the car. The way she wrapped her and was so respectful of us, our feelings, our dog. She was perfect for this job. 

When I called to arrange for this the person on the phone went over my options. She too told me what to expect. She said, "I know this doesn't seem like the right time to ask you this but when the procedure is over we find it an even more difficult time to ask. So I am going to ask if you could provide your credit card now."

I have to tell you I thought about that and she's right. When Izzy was loaded into their mobile vetmobile would not have been a good time to call and ask for payment. So I was glad they did it that way. It was paid for and insurance will get her claim today for the last claim they have to pay us back for.

I think if you have a dog and you have to put them down I'd so recommend having them come to your house. First of all during covid, they won't let owners come into the facility. At least not here. We did not wish for Izzy to not see us during this time. She is so fearful of the vet clinics, she shakes, she cowers, she won't get out of the car, she must be picked up. I did not want her final hours to be fear. She was outside in 65 degree weather with the sun on her face with a warm breeze and looking at her man and me.

I assume it was more money to do it this way, I do not know. ($395)

I didn't price it the other way. Since insurance was paying I didn't even care. I knew I'd have to only pay 10% of the bill so I just didn't give a damn and was so thankful they have a mobile vet service who does this for families and their animals.

Our ER bill was $960 and we already received $860 back. If you learn anything here, when you get a puppy get insurance. If you wait until they are grown no one can afford it. And no one should make decisions that big because of cost. I know we couldn't have done without it. 

Neither of us wish to be home today, it's too awful, so we are going to run some errands and do things outside the house today. 

I want to thank you all for the kind, nice comments. They meant the world to me and I read them to Rick as well. 

At one point yesterday, Rick was crying, I was crying. 

I told him, "you know, I think it'd be easier to put you down Rick."  

He looked at me and laughed a big, loud, ole Rick hearty laugh and said, "thank you Margaret, I really needed that."  

I think the vet thought we were nuts but who cares.

R.I.P

Princess Izzabella of Smith Mountain Lake. 

2/26/2009 - 2/10/2022

How could we not pick this puppy from the crowd?

She looks so serious here it makes us laugh. She was a beautiful dog though.

I was sitting across from her on our boat and I snapped this. 

One of my favorite pix of her.

As a puppy she loved to sleep on/in Ricky's stinky sneakers.

Doing what she loved the most after Rick.

Update

It's 10:11pm Wednesday night as I write this. Izzy is asleep. That is such good news you could never understand.

She has been unable to sleep due to feeling like the room is spinning. 

She puts her head down flat straight forward on the floor for a bit and she appears to nod off but it's for less than 3 minutes and her head is up again. She can not lay sideways at all. The only way I can wrap my head around how she is feeling is when I was in my 20s and I did stupid things like getting drunk and the room would spin and laying down made it worse. 

That is our poor dog. 

And 72 hrs my ass. Who said she'd be fine in 72hrs? Nonsense for us.

She is still walking funny, holding her head to the left because it feels better to her that way. She shakes her head when she wakes up and after she stretches. She can't shake her head, she tries and stops herself, it is funny to see. Poor thing though. 

She began eating late yesterday. 

The meds they gave her for motion sickness and nausea gave her explosive diarrhea. Yes, that is fun for us all. She hurries to the door the best she can and goes outside. She spins and spins and finally goes then vomits from spinning. Honestly this poor thing. 

Rick stayed up with her and let me go to bed Monday night. He was up all night. No sleep at all. She had to go outside with having diarrhea all night. He put on her glow-in-the-dark collar to see her in the yard. Crazy stuff at 1, 2, 3,4 am on. I got up at 6am and he went to bed and I was with her doing the same thing all day. Thank goodness we are retired.

Tuesday around 7pm Rick laid down on the sofa with the dog under the coffee table finally sleeping and sideways. I was so thrilled to see her sleeping like that because to me that meant she was feeling better. 

They both slept from 7pm - 10pm

Tuesday night was my night of no sleep and staying up with her and Rick got to go to bed. We were outside all night long every hour or less. 

She is barely eating anything so this diarrhea was concerning me. 

Rick got up at 6a and relieved me. I was hungry and had a gf bagel and we discussed my night and her changes and then I went to bed. But, I really couldn't sleep though. So I got up for a few hours.

Izzy was moving pretty darn good in comparison. We did not give her the meds to see if that helped her diarrhea. It slowed things down. She ate but she will not eat rice or her normal kibble. She threw up rice and kibble and since then she won't even eat it. Again I related to getting sick on choc chip cookies when I was a kid and have never eaten one since. Or the time I slept on the bathroom floor after drinking vodka. I didn't drink vodka again for 20 years so we may have to change food for a while. 

All the dumb-ass-ness of being in my 20s. 

But she was eating. That's the good part. She wanted to eat and before she did not. So to us, that was another good sign.  We made her boiled chicken and she sure loved that along with some pure pumpkin because that is to stop diarrhea.  She slept a lot today. When you consider she hasn't slept barely at all for days, this was a good sign. Walking on the kitchen floor or hall floor is difficult and slippery for her. Where there are carpets or rugs she has an easier time. I have throw rugs all over the place right now. It looks like a rug store sale on various sizes and colors of rugs here. But it helps her a lot. 

When awake she drank water and ate, just not her normal food. The diva would only eat the chicken. After dinner, she wanted to walk. Shocked us. Rick said he'd take her and they went for a long walk and that surprised us both. A walk like a drunken sailor but a walk and she wanted to. She came home and has been sleeping since. If dogs are like humans she needs sleep to allow their bodies to heal and to catch up on her sleep. 

Hopefully, that is not just wishful thinking.

The vet on follow-up said this could be 1-4 weeks. Some dogs never get back to 100% and some do. Some will always have that head tilt. 

It will be a week on Friday. We shall see.

Back to regular programming tomorrow.

My Perfect Dog

Saturday was odd & awful and it just rolled into Sunday.

Rick felt so very sick Saturday he used one of our free covid kits with out anyone suggesting it. If you knew him you'd know how big a deal that is. He is man, hear him roar. "I don't get sick."

Rick went to lay down and I checked on him a few times. Izzy was behaving oddly. At 5:15p she and I went for her after dinner walk. Her back legs splayed out and down she went. She got up and was looking and acting odd. I was struggling to get her home. I can not carry her unfortunately.  She did her business and she fell a few more times. I was scared by this point.

I went to check on Rick at 8pm. I told him the time and asked if he wished to get up or stay in bed. He woke up hungry, good sign. I told him what was going on with Izzy. She just couldn't walk.

I know what is coming. 

I'm crying typing this. 

I hate this part of dog ownership.

He saw that her eyes were funny. We began to check to see who is open, my vet wasn't open at that hour. We had a 24/7 vet hospital in VA and needed to find one here.  I called one and too far away, they recommended something 25 minutes away. 

At 11p we gave her a pill she had left over from her surgery called gabapentin. We honestly thought she was in pain. We also thought the way her legs splayed out that she was dealing with something like her ACL tear. 

Then she vomited her dinner undigested at 2a. 

At this point none of us have been to bed. 

The poor thing was trying to get out of her bed to go to the door to vomit. But she could not get up. By the time we grabbed her she was vomiting everywhere. 

The poor thing put her head down in shame or as if someone was yelling at her. No way would we be upset with her.  She can't move. 

Rick got her outside to pee and see if any more throwing up would occur.

We called the ER as they requested and headed over. They met us at the car with a gurney and Rick lifted that 72 lb girl and laid her on the gurney. We had to sit in the car.  Pure torture for us all.  The vet called a couple of times to share what they were doing and what they found. 

At 8:10am Sunday she was given back to us with meds, directions and expectations. Getting her in the house was fun. We made her pee first. Rick put a towel under her hips and helped her wobble around the yard. She hated every minute of this!

The poor thing  is very dizzy, feeling like the room is spinning, nauseous, her eyes going back and forth, she tilts her head to get her bearings. It's called Old Dog Vestibular disease. I will let you google it. 

The vet said in 2 days she should be remarkably better and to follow up with our vet.

If she doesn't get better, well you all know what that means. Rick and Peg will be in a puddle for a long time.

Izzy will be 13 on Feb 26th. If you use the 7yr to a human year equation, she is 91. 

I know in my head it is time. It's my heart that is breaking💔