Party

The lovely woman across the street from me, Karen, has invited us yet again to her holiday party she has after Christmas. Rick and I hate that we are across the street so she knows if we are home. So we can't say we have plans and will be out.
Gee, can I develop a severe illness that soon?

This time when she invited us I gave Rick an out.
I said I would love to stop by (nose growing) and that Rick has a long day on Friday so it may just be me. She said she understood that and looked forward to me being there.
Damn.

I told Rick that I gave him that out and he was thrilled with me.
Well, I've been married now 25 years in a day or two so I kind of know him.
If he was going he would be complaining about it.
Bad enough we have to go but then I have to have a whiner. No thanks.
I told him I would take one for the team.

While this is a very nice older woman this is not his cup of tea.
For that matter, it's certainly not mine either. But I can wear a Peggy face and Rick can't. In the past, this is just her family and a couple of her friends. (her children and their kids)
They are very nice but boring and the food is boring and it is all so white and waspy. I know that sounds mean. I'm sorry but it is what it is.  Lovely, kind people just not party people. No one is an extrovert so you have all these vanilla quiet people just standing there. It's so odd.

I know I see this through loud ethnic family vision so I get that.
This is probably what most of America does, just not anyone I know or am close to. One could sleep in a chair or on a sofa at this party and not be bothered.
My father would love that. Although my father could have slept through any of our parties, for some reason that never bothered him. I think because our family is loud, gregarious and always laughing so he was used to that type of noise.

Last year I stopped by with some goodies and had a drink and chatted with her kids who are all in their late 40's and 50's. It was all about their children which is not so much fun for others who don't know your children. But I wore my Peggy face and smiled and asked questions. My real inside voice was screaming LET ME OUT OF HERE!
They loved the appetizers I brought and that too was a topic of conversation - see how boring?  Oh, it's all so vanilla. No music, just standing around looking at one another. I am dreading this.

I will make something to bring on my lunch hour today.
I bought blinds this year to go on my front window along with my drapes.
Like this.

At night you can see right in so easily and let's face it Peg doesn't like to always wear pants. Last night I was wearing one of my favorite shirts of Rick's. It is just an inch above my knee. But I don't need the neighbors seeing that. So I close the blinds. Well, Karen doesn't like when the blinds are closed because she says she can't see if we're home. Ah, that is the point! Before she would see our TV on or some such thing and she said she felt better knowing we were home and just across the street. But she can see our car so I don't get why that made a difference. She asked why I got those and she giggled when she told me she had comfort when she could see Rick and I walk around our house. Eew, creepy.
I told her for that very reason, if you can see in so easily so can others.
I don't care for that.

My first week living here my neighbor's father was here helping her move in.
I was in my bathrobe. Because this is an open floor plan you can see from one end of the house to the other. I was at the fridge getting milk for Rick's coffee.
I put it on the shelf, or so I thought and let go and milk went everywhere.
Now we have boxes everywhere we are not moved in completely.
No paper towels. I just ripped off my robe and used it. I was naked underneath.
I stood at my kitchen sink and looked over at the same time my neighbors Dad walked by and looked in and I fell to the floor. At that exact moment, Rick is coming down the staircase and says, "Margaret why are you on the floor?"
And as he comes around the island he says, "Oooh boy you're naked on the floor!"  I crawled to where the fridge was so I could stand up and then ran up the stairs. All the while my hubby is asking what is going on? Why is your robe wet? What is all over the floor?

So you see, I don't like everyone looking in and seeing me clothed or unclothed.
Her father was gracious enough to say he didn't see a thing. I doubt that.
Poor guy, I probably scarred him for life. While Fran lived next door her father who was closer in age to us than we were to his daughter would come over and share wine with us. He was the greatest guy. He passed this year from cancer.

Think I can tell that story to the vanilla folks across the street? Yeah, think not.
Obligations suck.

I hope your holiday parties are fun with people you like.

I leave you my end of the year memes.

Stuff

Last night I watched some of the Kennedy Honor Awards after they were over.  I can FF through the stuff I don't care for and watch stuff I like again that way.

What a nice surprise to see my favorite New York Yankee, #51 Bernie Williams. Oh, I used to talk to my TV screen, Bernie, I want to have your children, Williams was my name for the man.  Rick would laugh at me. But he slowly grew to understand my love of this mans talent over the years. Mr Consistant is what I called him as a ballplayer. 

Bernie began his jazz guitar career after he retired. Along with his world series rings he has won Grammys, played with some of the best in jazz and even played with Sir Paul McCartney. 
Bernie was there to honor Wayne Shorter, composer and jazz saxophonist. I remember seeing him once with Carlos Santana but in all honesty, I don't know the man's work because I am not a big lover of jazz.

Now my husband sees Bernie on screen and says, I know what he's been doing since he retired. I said, "duh, music". Rick said, "No eating"
Oh, you have a lot of nerve my Potbellied stallion. He laughed and said c'mon he's gained a lot of weight. Yes, he has. He doesn't play ball every day and exercise every day. I am sure he eats the same but he's not moving the same. It happens. I still love him, leave my boyfriend alone Rick.

Then I saw Cher receive her honor. Adam Lambert sang one of the best renditions of Do you believe in Life after Love? That man is so seriously talented. He needs to make more music. Or maybe he does but it's techno crap I hate, and of course, I would never hear, who knows. 
I just think that this man is seriously good looking and talented beyond belief. Yes, I know he plays for the other team, but I can still admire his looks because that is the way I roll.

I had read a long time ago that the majority of those honored refused to go if Trump was there.
We all know Cher has an issue with the orange beast. 
But I read several did the same. 
The orange criminal said he wouldn't go, so the show went on and the honorees all showed up.  How sad is that if true? But he wasn't there and presidents are always in the front row.  

It is slow right now. Holiday slow and shut down slow.
The shut down hurts us terribly. Everyone here works in gov't. So therefore if no work, no money spent. No money spent, peggy can't eat. It's a big suck fest.
I hate that petulant child.

New Year's Eve is coming up. That means I have been married for 25 years.
Wow, how times flies. I met him in 1987. We moved in together in late 1990 and got married in 1993 on Dec 31st in Montego Bay Jamaica under a flower field gazebo overlooking the ocean. Perfection.

As I have shared many years here, we don't care for NYE. 
It's nuts out there. But I am glad to see this year move on. I wish it were 2021 to be honest. National nightmare will be over but I digress...

I don't need to go to a party and drink too much and have to uber home. 
I don't enjoy any of that. I never did in my 20's either. Thankfully neither does Rick. In my 20's and 30's I would still go to these stupid parties with friends. There was always a build up and then a huge let down. I didn't enjoy NYEve and when I'd tell my friends this they would laugh. Sure I'm holding your head over the commode while you hurl, tons of fun.

We used to be asked to parties all the time. We would say we couldn't and they would persist and badger. It was damn annoying. 
But now we say, "oh no thank you, it's our anniversary" And everyone stops right there (as it should be without your anniversary) In the past we have done some fun things on that night for our anniversary, went to the Carribean, that was a fun one, went to Toronto, my favorite city was another fun one. We went to Florida and that was a hoot because we beach people were in a freeze of 35-degree weather. Lucky us to hit the only cold snap ever like that in Florida. We laughed about it as we ran to stores to see if they had warm weather clothing that we did not bring. 
35 degrees and shorts just don't work.

Ah, but this year is going to be very low key. Home. I like Home. 
Just my hubby and me. 
Quiet and low key is good for the old farts.

In the past even though it's going to be a laid-back night we still always go out to dinner. We aren't doing that either this year. 
We are changing things up, people.
It should be a nice evening though. We made plans. 

Then after this food and drink season is over.
I know that the only thing I got for Christmas was a few extra pounds.
My jeans are tight. Not good. Too much food and drink.
So like everyone else I will be good after New Year's Eve. No drinking or good food. At least not until my jeans are no longer tight. 
 I like to wear my jeans and breathe at the same time. Or is that just me?

One Holiday Down, One to Go.

Christmas was snow free and quiet.
It was just lovely.

Rick and I opened a bottle of our favorite Prosecco and played some games in the dining room yesterday evening.
I kicked his ass at backgammon. He kicks mine at scrabble. 
If I could spell I could whip him at Scrabble, but spelling is a key component as you know. Yet he insists on playing it.
I know why, he can win at scrabble. I win all the other games. 

But my goodness does this bring on the laughter. I can't spell a lick and when I think it is spelled correctly he will tell me it's not. Because he cheats I am not certain if I am wrong or he is just screwing with me. Sometimes he just does both. So I must play with a dictionary nearby. Only to check spelling. It is allowed in our house even though it's against the rules because I can't spell. I can't look before I place the tiles. 
But if he questions it I can look then. 

We are so competitive and he cheats so there is a lot of teasing and kidding.
He debated when I won on ID. Yes, Richard, that is a word. He wanted a definition. He was convinced I didn't even know it was a word, those were just two tiles I had left.  That made me laugh. He just couldn't stand it that I won at scramble since I ask him how to spell things constantly. 
But c'mon everyone can spell ID. 

Then we watched something on television. 
That got Rick telling me that he will never ever date again. 
I laughed and said, "ah, you're married mister I should hope not"
He said well if something happened to you I still wouldn't date.
"Ah, you planning something buddy?"

Oh my, goodness did the rest of this conversation make uproarious laughter.
Then I asked, okay pretend you'd have to write online what you are looking for? He rubbed his chin and said, "Well I just can't have a cat-lovin', bible thumpin, smoking, trump supporter." 
Okay, but you can't write that on an ad Rick. 
You should write what you want not what you don't want.
"Why not? Isn't there a Curmudgeon Website looking for nice women?
They even have a website for farmers and hillbillies for heaven's sake.
Why not we old curmudgeons?" 
I don't know Rick, start one.
Oh my, he is certifiable.

Then he said, "I think the next one needs to be a smart ass ball buster."
I was shocked. I thought you hated that? 
"Margaret, that is you, I love you. I am now used to that so who will keep me on my toes and make me laugh daily? "
Oh so you don't love it but you're used to it. Nice.

So for the next 30 minutes or so we laughed our asses off at pretend ads for Rick after I croak. I told him that if a woman answered anything this off the wall, she is the one for you.  He asked which one I would respond to and I pointed and he said okay, that's the one.  He asked what I would look for after he croaked. 
I said, "Peace, quiet, no more mud tracked in on the floor and a non-snorer"
Oh, you'd miss the mud and snoring he tells me.

Sadly I really really would - a lot!

Merry Christmas

TO MY READERS WHO CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS.

MAY YOU ALL HAVE THE HOLIDAY YOU WISHED FOR.

Christmas Miracles.

Well, Well, Well, there are Christmas miracles.

Rick got back from DC smiling. SMILING.
He was carrying a big pink bag and I sure know what that means.
Cupcakes from Georgetown Cupcakes (yes, like the TV show)

He brought home a box of 4 for me that was Gluten Free and a box of 4 for him that were not.
We were both pigs and had 1 when he brought them home and 1 later in the evening.
I froze the others so I didn't hear them calling my name.

I asked why he was in such a good mood. 
You did go to the job in DC didn't you, I asked.
He then went into his traffic rant. Yessiree, he did indeed.
But he said he knew Georgetown Cupcakes was just a few blocks away and I couldn't leave without getting you some to bring home.  
God how I love this man!
They only had 1 flavor in GF but hey, they taste like the real deal and I so miss cake. They were chocolate molten with the best damn buttercream frosting.
Cake, it was my favorite food group for the majority of my life.

Apparently having parking for this man was also helpful. 
The contractor made sure there was parking for Rick and that made things much easier as well. Normally you have to walk to the truck several times in a visit and the van would have to be parked at least 5 blocks away or more sometimes. Hence why he won't work in DC.

All that matters is that he was in a good mood and that made for a much nicer evening than anyone who knows Rick could have anticipated. 
Whew. Crisis averted.

Grumpy.

Gonna be a tough day around these parts for some of us.
I should say it will be Rick having the tough day, but the wrath of him after his return will be awful for Izzy and me.

Rick was asked by a big name contractor around these parts to go to the District to help him out.
We have done a lot of work for him in VA of course and he knows we don't go to the District but he asked and actually begged me to sweet talk Rick. 
(he does not know I am his spouse)

I spoke to Rick and the entire time I was telling him what they were asking him to do, Rick was shaking his head no. By the time I was done he said yes. If this was not a good customer for us I know he would have never given in.
But he will be grumpy. Oh, he will be grumpy.

The morning Bobby called and asked about an appointment I had just had a woman move her appointment to January 
So there I was with a full day open. Perfect. 
After Rick said yes I told Bobby Rick would be there at 11am. 
I knew Rick could leave later and that would be helpful with traffic. 
It was nice to have him around this morning. He wasn't running out the door while it was still dark outside.

Rick left at 9 am so the traffic will be lighter, not good, but lighter. 
He should make this 20-mile journey in time. 
But he will be grumpy.

He will do the job and have a smile on his face and make the guys laugh.
Then he will be back at the office and he will be grumpy.
The dog and I will bear the brunt of all that in its glory.

Have I mentioned he will be grumpy?
Oh, my happy hubby will be a bear.

When Gary and William worked here and they knew he went to DC to help out a contractor. they would both ask to be warned when he'd be back. They did not wish to run into him, because they knew he would be grumpy.

I reminded him this morning all the business this company has given us to help with his feeling of impending doom on the highway. He grunted.
Oh dear, he will be grumpy tonight.

Yes, this man who has more patience than me (although that doesn't take much) and who is kinder than anyone I know, happy from the time his feet hit the ground in the morning. A man who is always happy, joking and smiling is broken by going to DC. The traffic to get there, the parking or lack of it and all around vibe. Add the holidays and this will be a bad day....for us all. 

I am making his favorite meal tonight Hopefully that will not hurt.
I will do all necessary to make the grumpy bear happy.
I'll even put out. 😄

Have I mentioned he will be grumpy?

Is it Over Yet?

If you have been around my blog for a while you all know how much I dislike this holiday. It's almost over and I am counting down the days.

We feed Izzy green beans to help make her feel full and help maintain her weight. Her struggle is worse than mine! 
Anyway, we have two options for said beans, Costco or Walmart to get these really big cans of beans.
Tuesday evening I felt Costco would be too crazy. So I decided to go to a plaza that is directly across the street from my development.
From my door to Walmart's front door is 2.9 miles.
Costco is whooping 4.8 miles.  
Never go by miles around here - it's all about the time!

I turn into the plaza and we are directed to take a different route to get inside the plaza due to a car accident. No problem. I get in and out of Walmart in record time. It wasn't very busy considering all the cars in the lot. 

I also thought I'd grab one last thing for Rick's daughter to add to her gift box before shipping and that was a Bed Bath and Beyond gift card.
So I drove over to BBB across from the Walmart in the same plaza.
The traffic in the plaza was crazy. One lady flipped me off and I laughed.
I was just sitting there waiting my turn, not even moving.
But I am certain she felt better so I didn't mind, it made me laugh.
I ran in and picked up the card and poof I was done.
I think this took a total of 20 minutes tops, from the time I went to Walmart then to BBB and all the parking and moving etc. All of it, both stores.
Great right?

Ah, yes that was quick but it took me 2 hours to get home. 
To be exact, 1 hour and 58 minutes.
It was such a cluster fuck. Sorry but that is all that applies.

Horns honking. People yelling out their windows screaming. 
Tis The Season!
The straight route from Bed Bath and Beyond to the exit took me 45 minutes.
Normally I'd say it would take 1 minute in the worst-case scenario. 
I was not moving what so ever. So I listened to music and sat. I let a lady get in front of me and she didn't even wave a thank you. Charming.

Once I made it to the exit, I had to make a right onto the street.
That took another 51 minutes. BUT,  I couldn't get to the lane I needed so I took a left and was going in the opposite direction of my home.
I pulled into a Sheetz Gas Station and turned around. I sat through 5 light changes before I could move. Yep, this was fun. Finally get close to my development (which I could see) and saw a tow truck, police and another accident. Okay, hence this 2nd issue I thought.  

In the meantime, my phone rang. 
Since I was just sitting in traffic I picked up.
It was Rick wondering where I went. He said it's been a long time for just beans are you okay? I filled him in. By the time I got home Rick had opened a bottle of wine and poured me a glass. He met me at the door and handed me the drink and told me to go inside he'd bring it all in.  Ah, a man who understands traffic!

I am thankful the only thing I have to do today is to drop a package off at the UPS store in my development. So no leaving until after the holiday and that is fine with me. Thankfully I have a wine cellar of wine and a fridge of food.
That's all I need until this holiday is over. 
Is it the 26th yet?

Bacon?

The TV was on as it usually is in the background.
Rick was in his chair reading some business papers.
I was getting packages ready to ship.

I hear the anchor person say, "There is a bacon crisis, tonight on our 6pm news broadcast."

I laugh.
That sparks Rick and he says, "Why is that funny?"
Well, we can't be without bacon. We love bacon, everyone we know loves bacon, what kind of crisis is there? A shortage at Christmas? 

Now Rick is howling with laughter and tells me that I should never ever get my hearing fixed because I am sure a hoot as a deaf ole broad.

Oh oh.
What did they say if it wasn't a Bacon Crisis Rick?

There is a Vaping Crisis.

Vaping as in pot or cigarettes?

Yep. That is what was really said, Margaret. 

Yeah, that is different, isn't it? Oh my goodness. Well, I'm glad it's not bacon because that means more to us than Vaping. 

He just shook his head and laughed at me.
I think I deserved this one.

Busy, so it is Memes Day

  

oh so true.

Creepy as hell but happening all the time. Why are people okay with this?

You can't disagree with this one!

This one really speaks to me.

As does this one...tee hee

Dolls

A couple of years ago I wrote here about a home Rick went to at this time of year and each time he went in and out there was a life-size doll of an old woman sitting there. It creeped him out. 
He said to me, "it followed me"
Which of course, being the nice wife I am, made me laugh.
I couldn't find it on the blog. I put in all words I thought would bring that post up so you could be reminded of the creepy life-size doll with a photo.  It was as tall as me.

Yesterday he was at another home with dolls. Dolls all over the place.
The dolls were placed on furniture, at desks, on the sofa, playing out a scene.
There was a big doll at a desk as if she were working. (eyeglasses and all) 

Because he must go in and out of the home several times he continued to walk by this one doll by the staircase. He sent it to me with the header, look what greets me each time I go in and out of the house.

He said it was sitting at a random table that was completely out of place next to the stairs. He had to walk around it to get to the staircase. 
He makes me laugh how creeped out he gets by these dolls. He was happy this one was smaller. I am not sure why he thinks a smaller doll makes a difference but how damn funny he is about these dolls.

But then again, why do grown ass people have dolls all over their home?
Let alone sitting in random areas of the home. I find it funny as hell.
I also think it is beyond weird. So if you are reading this and you have dolls placed strategically around your home - explain yourself!

Random Thursdsay

Does anyone know how to take my blog posts and save them somewhere or do I have to just copy and paste or print them all? I want them all but will then take what I need.  Any ideas that aren't going to take me a month to do?
I got 3 years done and it took forever. I don't have that kind of time, I'll die first.
So any ideas will be helpful and very much appreciated.

My hip is out. Yes, my hip, not my back. At around 2:30p this morning I was in such pain. I laid in bed looking at the clock and put my knees together and squeezed. I heard and felt this deep loud pop.  It went back in. But now I have some residual pain. Fun eh?  This has happened before but never to this extent.
Age? It's just getting worse? All of the above?  
Yeah, I am going with the last one too.

That big snowstorm southern Virginia received as well as the other southern states missed us.
We have had a great winter of cold but sunny and no really big snow.
My favorite kind.

I LOVE The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. Yes, I keep telling you that.
I wish it were longer. If it were a  network TV show it would get 20 episodes. But they only did 10. I went through those 10 so quickly. 
Now I am in full blown withdrawal.  

The clothes, the actors, the story, just everything is perfect to me. God the clothes on season 2 are even better.
I have the Homecoming in the queue next with Julia Roberts.
But I have a feeling it will be dark and good, but not my favorite thing like The Marvelous MM.

Thankfully in a few weeks, there will be Grace and Frankie.
Rick and I also watched Alan Arkin and Michael Douglas as 2 old friends and how they are dealing with their life at their age. The show is called The Kominsky Method. Alan's wife dies and while that is awful it was funny how he still talked to her and felt like he saw her. Those around him who saw him doing this thought he was losing his marbles of course. I liked the show and the premise but it wasn't as good as The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel or Grace and Frankie.
All in the writing folks. I now need to find a 12 step program to get this out of my system. Any ideas?

Season 1Trailer


Season 2 Trailer - my favorite season of the 2 thus far. I was thrilled there was no sophmore slump

Yes, I heard that right.

Last evening as Rick and I were watching television.
A commercial came on about a diabetic medication.

The actual commercial, of course, was an ad for a law firm who wants you to call them once you get this symptom/side effect.
It said, "If you have a genital flesh-eating infection" call us now!

I was fluttering around and Rick was in his chair. I asked him if I heard that correctly. He too was chuckling. He rewound and we watched it again. 
Yep, A GENITAL FLESH EATING INFECTION was a side effect of this medication.

Okay, that is not a laughing matter. But we laughed. 
We are going to hell what can I tell you. 
I mean if that is a side effect give me the disease. If people get this enough that one must be told to call this law firm if they get it, they must get this enough.
So I googled it. Sure enough, this is something that happens and apparently a good deal of the time. 

Anal leakage is a symptom you hear about on these commercials all the time and that is not a fun side effect you wish to get. 
But a flesh-eating disease on my genitals is something I want even less than anal leakage. I'll die of the disease first before taking this medication!

Now if you don't believe me go ahead - google this.
There is a plethora of information on this diabetic medication.

One of the sentences said to call a doctor immediately if you get redness or swelling in your genitals and have a fever. Who wouldn't?
Oops, my penis fell off, not calling the doctor though, let's go play golf. 

This is just so crazy to me that I feel it falls under the banner of, "Only in America"

Just Whining

Where've I been you ask? 
Buried.
But I did manage to see 2 episodes of the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.
I wanted to binge the season but just didn't have the time.

The company all left on Sunday around noonish.
I did nothing the rest of the day.
It was glorious.

Slowly but surely I have had to clean the 3rd floor, bedrooms, bathrooms, tv room. I stripped all the beds and washed and dried everything and remade all the beds again. I hate making beds so this is something I put off as long as I can.

My niece and her boyfriend are currently in Florida visiting her sister who just had a baby 2 months ago. They will be coming back this Friday and landing here for a day. So that means I have to make food again. 
You know if Rick and I want to have guacamole and chips for dinner we can. But you can't do that for the company.
Rick has to work on Saturday and that puts a damper on things.

I got a text saying they wanted to do something with us on Saturday or Friday night.  Okay here is the ugly truth. We are 62 and 63. We don't wish to do anything on Friday nights. It is the end of a long hard week and we like to veg. The night we have a drink and watch TV or play backgammon and just chill. 
With Rick having to work a long day on Saturday the old coot will not be ready to go out on Friday night.

Now to my topic of aging.
I hate it. That goes without saying. Most days I have a lot of energy and I am running non-stop and feel fine. But I have noticed I am not the same.
It hit me this last half of the year. 62 has been eye-opening about what is to come.

As I have lamented here before there is information, teachings, and books galore on the topic of kids, puberty, pregnancy, and then death and disease.
There is a missing part. After pregnancy there is aging.
Why nothing about aging.
It happens to everyone. 
Think about this, you got a book as a young woman that talked about your body changes. Your menstrual cycle. When you got married you read all the books of pregnancy and the changes your body will go through. You think, Whew that happens to others, I am not strange.

Then after your kid and your pregnancies are done, there is no information on what is up for you next.
I hear women say things that are so incorrect it's mind-blowing. 
One woman recently who is having hot flashes and some other changes said she wasn't in menopause. Why of course not, that is when everything stops! She thought flashes, mood swings etc were menopause.
The period of time before everything STOPS is called perimenopause.
This is when you have so many symptoms, the longer it goes on, or the closer to the end, the worse the symptoms most of the time for most women I know. I am lucky and didn't have that stuff. (my dr is awesome with getting me on bio-identicals)

Here is the definition from web MD.

Perimenopause, or menopause transition, begins several years before menopause. It's the time when the ovaries gradually begin to make less estrogen. It usually starts in a woman's 40s, but can start in her 30s or even earlier. Perimenopause lasts up until menopause, the point when the ovaries stop releasing eggs.

Menopause is the time that marks the end of your menstrual cycles. It's diagnosed after you've gone 12 months without a menstrual period. Menopause can happen in your 40s or 50s, but the average age is 51 in the United States.

But I have heard from one woman that you can still have some of these issues in menopause. Most say once they hit menopause all the symptoms were over. But I am not certain because each woman I talk to says something different. 

Nothing in the books tell you how your body will change. How the lack of estrogen rears its ugly head. (fatigue is one of them) It is in ways you wouldn't even imagine. What you should do about it to help you not lose bone mass, energy, skin elasticity and of course the changes in sex.

I read a book a long time ago and it was so clinical that I couldn't understand most of it. I read a few others and no one tells you anything more than this is going to happen. Why not?

I would love a book that said things like the pregnancy books. 
In the pregnancy books it discusses things from body changes, to how hormonal changes will hit you, right on down to having gas a lot when pregnant. (I did not know that since I have not been preggers only read the books I give my nieces) 

That book made me think I need that for aging. Why do our teeth yellow with age? Why do your eyelashes thin? I know my skin must sag but why must I get brown spots? Why do I have less energy, what makes that happen? If my heart is pumping and I have 9 hrs of sleep and I exercise and eat well, why is my energy level changing? Is this too cellular?

I just want to find that book. 
This year the change I have felt is energy.
The more I do the more I can keep doing. I continue to make sure that happens. I believe in moving and keeping busy. But why can't I do as much? What is causing this?
Inquiring minds want to know.
That is the kind of shit I'm looking for to read.
I find it hard to believe that I am the only one. So why no comprehensive book that is actually readable and dumbed down for me. I hate these clinical books where I need to look up every 14th word.

I had my uterus removed due to tumor/fibroids when I was 44. But my ovaries stayed as did my cervix. So I did not go into a menopause, just didn't have a cycle. Best of both worlds to me!!

But I had begun the flashes a few years earlier. So my doctor put me on bio-identical hormones. So the flashes stopped, my sleep improved etc. (estrogen, progesterone and testosterone)  
I admit that I have been lax of late. They cost a lot so I have been using them every other day since around March. I am now thinking that is the issue that is causing my fatigue over the last few months. I started this a few months ago. I think I may have to suck it up and use it every day. 

I admit I use them every day for 1.5 weeks before my blood work so I don't have to listen to my dr. tell me how foolish this is. So when my blood work/levels come back they are fine. But I guess they really aren't are they?

My bio-identical hormones are compounded. They are made like old fashion drugs were in the day, in compounding pharmacy. These are not a pharmaceutical cream or pill. These are the real deal. All are a cream and they are not covered by any insurance because the pharmaceutical companies are not making any money off of it. That is my theory anyway. 
So I go into old age with drugs I need but that cost hundreds monthly. 

So to avoid this fatigue I guess I have to start taking this daily again as prescribed. I know better. I'm sure I will see a difference. I believe I will anyway or this is my 60's. (shit!).
When I look back to when I began to feel bad this year it does fall into the every other day of this. Could this be it or is this just what you feel like as you age? God, I must win the lottery to pay for these drugs.

Aging sucks. And I don't believe the alternative is death.
The alternative to up is down. 
The alternative to death is living (a great life.)
So why is the alternative always the opposite except in aging? 
The opposite of death is living. Not aging. You can't convince me otherwise.

So don't tell me this is better than being dead.
Everything is better than being dead!!
But life doesn't have to be miserable either.

So back to the drugs/cream and spending money$$$$$. 
I guess I'll just have to drink less wine and eat less. 
Damn.