Petty Me

Folgers discontinued my coffee. How dare they do that without consulting me first. I've been trying others but I don't like much of it out there. I even called Folgers because I was jonesing and I couldn't find it at any store. Nope, gone to the graveyard damn it.

So I was online and saw a coffee company with all these reviews that were awesome. Must have been family members who reviewed them. 

I order coffee from them. A small amount to see if I'd like it first.

 After a few weeks I did not receive any communication that it was shipped so I reached out to the company. Oh.my.goodness!

Look, this may offend some but it is my blog and my opinion. 

I want people to keep their religion and their sexuality to themself!

I don't care who you like to sleep with anymore than who you wish to pray to. It's personal, ya hear me Mr. Coffee Man?

I emailed Coffee Man and asked about shipping info. 

The response was loaded with the 'praise the lord' crap and then finally the shipping info I requested at the very bottom. Seriously quoting scripture for UPS information? At the very bottom, he signed off as Forever in Christ or some such bullshit. Under his name was more scripture. 

Oh, that so didn't sit well with me. 

But okay the coffee will be here soon, let it go.

My coffee arrived. Inside with my coffee is more religious rhetoric aka bullshit. My coffee is in its bag along with scripture cards. 

Other assorted papers with more religious crap. 

Guess who is never buying from them again? And does this work for him? Do people read this shit and hit their forehead and go, "Damn I never thought of that I too need to join his cult/religion?" 

I make a cup of coffee as I'm fuming. It smelled good. Thankfully it wasn't good and I tried it twice to be sure. I can't drink it and Rick hated it also.

At least now I don't have to feel bad about never buying from the Praise the Lord Coffee Man.

They asked for a review. I reviewed the coffee. But I did say in my last sentence that the religious mumbo jumbo was a huge turn-off.

I didn't go into my rant.

I'm sure they think I'm an atheist or something. 

Nope, just hate having your beliefs shoved down my throat.

Keep your religion to yourself unless with like-minded people from your church or organization. Can you imagine if I wrote back and my email was saying my religion was something he opposes? Oh my goodness he would try to save me or worse, not sell to me. I've made it easy for him, I don't wish to buy from him. Your religion should not affect me. It should provide you with comfort. Leave me alone to mine.

The same thing goes with your sexuality. I don't walk around telling everyone I'm straight. Why if not straight do you need to tell everyone what you prefer?  I just don't get it. Younger people shout it from the rooftops. 

I get that you're no longer ashamed nor should you ever be. 

I do believe that is great. But shut up already. 

Hey, as long as you don't hurt children or animals I don't care who you sleep with. But I don't understand why I need to hear about it all the damn time?  Your sexuality does not affect me in any way until that is all you talk about. I don't want to hear about it all the time. I've had this discussion with my gay friends and family members. They don't get it either which I find interesting that they agree with me. Could be the age I suppose, but thankful we could have these open discussions.

Okay, I'm bracing myself for the hate comments. 

This and That

If you watch or read the news you are aware that Pres. Biden has put a big push on drug companies to negotiate with Medicare on some very important drugs that are ungodly expensive. Drug companies have until October 1st to negotiate with Medicare. If they don't negotiate they could lose their contracts with Medicare and Medicaid. Hopefully, that will squeeze them into doing the right thing.

The prices would go into effect in January 2026 sadly. 

Can you believe the GOP is opposing this? The survey showed that 83% of Americans want this. Does the GOP do anything for the American people they supposedly represent? No! Their skill set is all about lining their pockets and they are fabulous at lying. 

How can they be so freakin' heartless?

Rick is taking one of those extremely expensive drugs. Eloquis.

That drug is a blood thinner. As a stroke survivor that drug is everything. 

It's also more than $1,000 for 30 days.

With insurance, it was $800+.

Then we went the good rx route, $580 - $600 depending on the pharmacy.

Still too much. Our doctor suggested a 'hardship' price and to contact Eloquis. That was uncomfortable. This is where my life has gotten?

Rick said, "We've paid taxes and insurance payments and worked hard our whole life, allow them to help us."

We must or no food. 

But it's very uncomfortable for me.  

But if Eloquous will work with us why not just lower the fucking price? Honestly. One shouldn't have to worry about staying alive and/or keeping a roof over their head. 

Only in America.

**On a funny note. My hubby sent me this. He thought I could relate.

Okay, so I'm OCD. I have to put the carts back where they belong in the parking lot of a store. I mean how hard is it to put them back for Pete's sake? I saw a lazy guy just leave it in the parking space. Now no one can park there and the cart holder thingy is only a few feet away!

I admit, if that small cart is in with the big carts, yes, I will rearrange that too as I did the other day after his therapies. Rick watched me from the car and just laughed at me. He finds my issue amusing. When I got in the car he said, I was eyeing that cart and just knew you'd take care of it. You amuse me Margaret. Glad to make you laugh Stroke Boy.

I saw a man in Walmart in the cracker aisle arranging all the boxes. I thought he worked there. Nope. He just thought they needed to be lined up and was rearranging them. Oh dear one of my people in the wild. 

When I realized I had forgotten something in that aisle and went back several minutes later he was just finishing up and he stood back and looked at everything. I smiled at him. I knew. He did too. We nodded. 

I did tell him it looked great. He was proud. 

After 6 months of me being so ill with the chemo and such I wasn't in my kitchen, pantry, laundry, etc. Rick was taking care of everything.

Then his stroke and my surgery all back to back. When the girls left to go back home to their lives I saw the unorganized mess my husband had created. I was now feeling better so I saw the work ahead of me.  

How those women found anything is amazing to me. I spent weeks rearranging everything and putting things back where they should have gone but he doesn't care. It's in a cupboard that is all that matters to him, and truthfully even leaving everything on a counter wouldn't bother him.  It took me 2 days to reorganize and clean the cupboards inside and out. He never wipes the cupboard doors either if they have fingerprints or food. Oh, he is blind to it all. He just doesn't see the issue. So we call it my issue and I'd appreciate it if he'd put things back where he got them. But he never remembers where he got them. Seriously how can you take something from a drawer or cupboard and not remember where it goes? 36 years ago I'd get mad but now I find it amusing as he does me and I just put it where I think it should go or where he got it in the first place. If I die first, he will never find a damn thing including his clothes. For some reason, I find that humorous as does he.

Oh, this isn't a stroke thing, it's a Rick thing. 

He's been doing this since I've known him at 31 years old. He laughs and turns around and I move it to where it was originally. It's a dance we two do and have done over the 36 years together. I don't even ask him or say anything anymore as I used to. I just move it. 

When he sees me doing this he laughs, hugs me, and says, "Oh my anal-retentive wife"  

The Idiot makes me laugh and I can't be mad for some reason.

**We will be getting remnants of Hurricane Idalia.  I look forward to the rain. We've hardly had any rain here for the last 3 months. Just horrific high temps. So a day or two of rain sounds wonderful to me. Not hurricane winds but rain will be nice as well as the lower temps.

Wednesday morning just about lunchtime it was announced on the local news that a certain school was having an early dismal due to the air conditioning going out and the teachers and children were melting. Rick and I thought it was the equivalent to being up north and the snow storm is coming so they let out schools early.

So a snow day of sorts in the south. Yeah, you can't go to school and be hot and sweaty in 96-degree heat. 

Rick told me that swamp ass and learning just don't go together. 

Some things never change. 

And on it goes.

The rehab facility is constantly freezing cold. 

When we walk in Rick always says, "Brrrrr..."

But then he goes in the back to exercise and he is no longer cold. 

I know that is why they keep the A/C so cold.  But the rest of us are dying. The beautiful young woman at the front desk is always wrapped up in oversized bulky sweaters.

On Monday I was so damn cold I swore my teeth were chattering. I had on long pants and a short-sleeved top. I should have worn long sleeves. But c'mon it was 96 outside. But Tuesday it was a cloudy overcast day and it was cooler. One of the very few 88-degree days in 3 months. I parked in front and let Rick go in and I told him I'd sit in the car and be warm and read my book. He was okay with that.

15 minutes later he and Derek came out to the car. Oh Oh! was all I could think.  Derek took Rick's heart rate and it was 44. JC!  Then he got the stethoscope and listened to his heart. He heard an irregular heartbeat.

As I mentioned he just had a cardioversion that puts his heart into a normal rhythm. So he canceled the rest of the session and came out to tell me to get him into his cardiologist STAT. This was a yellow flag Derek said. 

We came home and I called the cardiologist and said what I was told by Derek and said while we have an appointment in late September we need to see someone STAT. They agreed but couldn't get us in until Thursday. Rick will not be going to any PT or OT until he sees the cardiologist. 

Honestly 1 step forward, 2 steps back.  He could have another stroke so we can't mess around here. I think he will need to go back on Flecinaide but then again I am not a doctor so who the hell knows. This is all scary shit.

Rick hasn't been feeling great the last couple of days. He kept telling me he was very tired. I think this is why damn it!

Is it Thursday yet? I hate waiting. I am the least patient person you'll ever meet.

My haircut was the same day and there was no way I'd make it so the priority is Rick of course. My hair can just grow for all I care about right now. I just want/need Rick to be okay. 

I had an x-ray of my cracked rib today. (Tuesday) Yep, indeed it is cracked. Nothing I can do besides rest it. Yeah, right, rest. HA. I'm also taking Advil and Tylenol and tonight washed it down with a bit of gin. Why not, what the hell else is gonna happen at this point? I can't take much more and I just want to say, screw it all.

My doctor was adamant that I call and tell the chiropractor. When I called, the woman who answered got so damn defensive it was amazing. She was unbelievably rude to me. I said, "Look I am only telling you because my doctor and I both think you need to be aware of this, especially the doctor who manipulated me. I am not suing you or asking for anything, you can at least be kind. We just thought it was important for him to know.

But she wasn't kind at all. Very snippy. Not even an I'm sorry.  Typical.

We are going to have some storms here from remnants of the hurricane now about to hit Florida. Thankfully no hurricane to deal with.  

It will bring the temps down to the 80s and on Thursday even 72. 

I am so excited for 72 degrees!!  FALL, for a day. Oh, it will be in the 90s by the Labor Day weekend but I will savor this cooler weather while I can. 

My cousin Bob called to see how we were doing and I asked if he was prepared for the storm (he lives in St. Petersburg) he told me they got their sandbags, and water and got the generators, etc. I hope they will be okay. 

I would rather shovel snow than deal with a hurricane, wouldn't you?

And lastly my crazy husband. 

A good friend of ours who lives in Virginia Beach showed her hand all wrapped up in a bandage on Facebook. But it didn't say what was wrong. 

So Rick of course says, "You have to stop all that masturbating Paula look what you've done to yourself."

She wrote back and told him she laughed so hard Joe entered the room to see if she was okay. She went on to say how she loved him and how thankful she was that he was able to write to her and make her laugh again. It's only carpal tunnel she explained.

Honest to Pete he's nuts. When he told me he wrote that I screamed, "On Facebook are you nuts, you will offend someone. 

He said, "What do I care, besides I wrote it to her in messenger because I knew I'd offend someone but not her or Joe"  

Whew. He scared me. He has no filter but the stroke has made him a bit different, thank God he still knew that wouldn't be appropriate except for our friends.

Random Weekend Updates.

WOW, what a weekend.

**Saturday I went to a chiropractor because my lower back has been 'out' 

I was on my tummy and he cracked me. Ok, they refer to it as 'adjusting' me.  

Whatever word you choose it caused me to let out a loud yelp. 

He asked if I was OK. I was embarrassed but it hurt like hell. 

I've gone to a chiropractor before, in fact, many many times and it does not hurt.

I told him I didn't know what that pain was but I'm fine. 

(I'm fine has become my mantra)

The chiropractor was right next to Wegmans so we did some shopping. Each time I'd reach for something the pain was reminding me it was there. By the time I got home I was just eating ibuprofen like candy. A deep breath is painful. That's what is making me believe he cracked my rib. Top right side under my right boob. Yowsa, it hurts. I know from having my rib cracked before by Rick no less, it takes about 6 weeks to heal. Rick tried to crack my back, picked me up off the ground and I let out a scream and he thought I was goofing on him. Nope, went to ER and he broke my rib. Oh did he ever feel guilty. I don't think this doctor of chiropractic will feel guilty. 

**Sunday I had to paint the master. Had? Yes, I skipped Saturday due to pain and a shit load of other things that needed attention. Our master bath has been completed with the exception of the shower door which they measured wrong and had to reorder so we're waiting on it. This company has been shit but that is too long to delve into without my blood pressure going through the roof.  In the meantime, I thought I'd get the bathroom cleaned up of all that dirt and dust and then paint. 

I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor and that hurt. Painting using my right hand hurt like hell. I did the trim and 1st coat. The pain was too much so I quit around 5:30p.  I just took more ipophen and began to get dinner done.  I did not care to eat and thankfully Rick just wanted a corn salad. Oh yes, easy peasy.

I can't sleep well with this damn thing. Rick said to sue the chiro for breaking my rib cuz we're stroke broke. I laughed and said I don't think it works like that.

I have a drs appt for myself tomorrow for a quick blood test I am going to ask for an X-ray to be sure. But I am going to call that office if indeed it is cracked. they need to know. I'm not going back!  

***A woman on the neighborhood app said she was new and was from Northern VA, Loudoun County in fact, where we lived. She lives around the corner from me now. She asked on neighborhood if anyone else was new here, looking to make friends. 

I reached out. We set up a time on Friday to meet.

See? I keep trying. Well, we had salads and cocktails and chatted and laughed all night. It was so refreshing to meet someone who has read a book in the last 50 years. She made a comment about trump that I asked, "Whoa, are you a trumpster?" She said, "No!" I said, "Well I will agree to disagree with that statement." 

"Wow, like what adults should say, I love it," she said.

So that was that. But the rest of the evening was nice. 

I got out of the house and met someone who could carry on a conversation.

I met someone who understands when I say, not as sophisticated here and is not offended but actually sees the point. She likes it here more than me but that's okay. I will hopefully get there. Rick says he may never and I say we never know.

At one point I told her I had to text Rick to check in. I hate when  people use their phones when you are talking to them and I didn't want to be one of those.

She understood. Just then I got a text from him asking if I'd been kidnapped. 

He assumed it would be another failed attempt to make a friend here and I'd be home quickly. Lol. 

The first thing she said when she saw me was, "oh my God you look so familiar." Well we figured it out, she owned a health and wellness store in Leesburg VA. 

A town not far from me. I went there a few times to buy supplements so maybe that's why I look familiar I've been in her store 2 times.

Like me she is immature she said. I told her I don't find people my age to be interesting or fun. More like my grandparents so I'm immature also. She laughed and said she has that problem too. While she is older than me by 4 yrs it didn't show. It was refreshing. And, she lives less than a block away. She leaves her house, she goes to the gym, she goes to the events locally, and she is very active. 

I shared with her that my life has gotten very small. Between moving here and Rick's stroke, our lives are not remotely the same.

She moved here 4 weeks after us. I told her she goes by my house every day. 

She said, 'Oh the house on the corner. I want to thank you for painting those shutters, those were awful." 

And she liked what we did with the subdivision sign. She noticed everything. 

I couldn't wait to tell Rick about the shutters because he thought they did not need to be painted.  Oh, but they did. The colors of the previous owner were primarily bright and almost reminded me of kindergarten colors. She painted the shutters a high gloss electric blue and to me it was horrific. I couldn't get them black fast enough!  Same with the front door!

I felt vindicated and couldn't wait to tell Rick. He laughed and said, "Okay that's 3 people in the neighborhood who have told us that so you were right. I just don't see it."

I know!!

What I find most interesting about our yard and home is because we are on the corner everyone sees us. We are the entrance to the development. The young man who hauled away a mattress and other assorted debris from a pile debris told me he liked what we did to the yard and out house. I asked if he lived near here? He said yes I go by this house daily, weren't your shutters a bright shiny blue?  Yep. They look better black he said. OMG. A kid noticed? Then a plumber told us the same thing and a neighbor who we see walking every day and have no idea where she lives. We were on the porch and she yelled from the street - "your house is looking so good and so much better!'

I have to admit I liked that Rick hears it so he knows I'm not crazy. Well at least not crazy about this.

**Did any of you watch the gymnastic trials last night?  I have always loved gymnastics and now that Simone Biles is back it's thrilling to watch. I so love her floor routines best. Honestly she is the Michael Jordan of gymnastics.

I would LOVE to have that woman's legs. Mine are probably the same length but her muscular legs are to die for! I hope she stays healthy and wins several gold medals in the Paris Olympics

Friday!

I see from your comments that y'all were sure you couldn't do the eye injection.

I'm telling you it wasn't like I thought I could either. Once I calmed down it was nothing just like they all said. 

The needle did not hit or go into my eyeball. 

It was a shot/drops BEHIND my eye.

No needle actually in my eye. The steroid is put there to shrink the mass. 

The most pain I had was that evening.

The numbing agent caused my eye to be dry and scratchy. 

I put in the drops he told me to use and viola it is over. 

Honestly, I had my right ear re-pierced Friday because it closed up, and that hurt more than the eye injection. No shit. So if you need to do this - trust me it's not a big deal. You won't see the needle coming to your eye, and you won't feel it.

Those were my two worries.

So let's hope it either makes Betty go away or at the least keep it at bay so I can see well...well enough anyway.

In other news...

This cracks me up. They obviously took him at his word. But why?  

It is so obvious that the fat shit can't tell the truth about ANYTHING. 

He's over 300lbs if he's a pound.  And by the look of his mug shot he looks like he just put on a new coat of orange "tanning" stuff too. Oh, what a buffoon. 

By the way, I'm 5'9" and I'm 110 lbs. 😉

It's Friday so here are some of my Friday Memes.

Eye Injection

 I knew that bitch 'Betty' was back with a vengeance. But, I had to cancel a couple of appointments due to Rick's schedule and my surgery, etc.

So today I drove up to Durham and got her checked. My doctor is such a sweetheart. The first thing he said was, "I see you've lost that prednisone weight you gained on that first round"  I did indeed and I don't ever want on that high of a dose of steroids again!  (But it was nice he noticed my weight loss.) He asked me how I did it. I told him my husband had a stroke. It's a great diet plan, good ole stress and fear. 

He responded with a snort and said, "Actually it's not but I certainly understand."

Then drops to dilate my eyes were put in and then off to take pictures, the pressure and all the poking and prodding.

I begged them to not dilate my left eye because I had to drive myself home. He asked why no one brought me here. I told him 2 people I know here are both ill and my husband can't drive due to his visual field testing issues since the stroke. 

Thankfully they agreed this time, no dilation in my left eye. Whew. Honestly, it was the shortest time I've ever spent there. Only 2.5 hrs in Duke.  Wonderful.

After the dilation and pictures, we reviewed them. Betty is bigger on the side of my eye, my peripheral vision. I told him those were my thoughts when I got there and sure enough, I was correct. It grew a lot. But it's not dead center vision of my eye along with the peripheral like last time. So that is good. We went over the fact that my insurance rejected Humira and I didn't wish to take it anyway so what is our next option. A steroid injection into my eye. 

To say I was a bit worried is an understatement. But it was as easy as he said.

I had my eye numbed. That wasn't pleasant. Then after it was numb He came in with a needle. He lifted my lid and told me to look down. Because this injection goes behind my eye I would only feel pressure and it would hit Betty faster. 

(Yes, my Dr calls this mass Betty too) 

I said, "So you're going to slap the bitch"  He laughed and said, "EXACTLY"

He came towards me with the needle and I moved. He kept telling me I would hardly feel this and to relax. He said not to move and if something hurt tell him before trying to move. Of course, he has a needle in my eye I'm not moving.

He asked if I wanted his assistant, who left the room, to hold my hand. 

I said no. I just didn't want a sharp needle in the eye.

The procedure was actually kind of cool and damn fast. 

He lifted my eyelid, had me look down the entire time and he put the needle behind my eyeball and let the fluid out of the needle. I assumed right into Betty or maybe not. I was so scared at the time i didn't ask all my usual annoying questions. Best part was that I couldn't see it.  Seeing the needle coming at you is the part that I kept thinking would make me flinch.  

Ooh but I felt the pressure though about 1/2 way through. As soon as I was about to say I can't take anymore it was done. Pff, just like that, it was over. It feels weird right now (Wednesday at 7:30p)  He said it would for a while. I should be fine by morning. I will have to go back in 3 months to do this again. Oooh, I can't wait. But Betty must die and if not die I want her to be maintained/controlled

I got home to a man who did not listen. He made stuffed peppers. He nailed in a board he found he missed on the deck. He also got a ladder and nailed or re-nailed a board on the privacy fence. Ooh I was livid. There's my stubborn ass.

I said what if you fell? He said it was only 2 steps on the ladder. He told me he'd lay on the ground and wave. Someone would stop. I said, "you've met the people here, you think someone would stop and help you?" 

"No, but you'd be home shortly."

To say I was livid is an understatement. He goes with me next time! This could have been far worse. Ooh I was hot. 

He did admit that he couldn't have gone up another rung on the ladder,  he was a bit wobbly and it scared him. Good! was my only response.

I asked if he did that board on the deck while on his knees. He nodded he did. I asked how he got up. He began to laugh and said, it wasn't pretty but I did it. So I don't know how but apparently he did flop around a bit. Happy he could laugh and it made me laugh when he said, 'flopping around like a fish'

But I admit, his peppers were great. It was nice to come home to a good meal. He is a much better cook than me and I bet he just wanted good food too after weeks of me cooking. 

Off to see about ole Betty

Ever since May 22 I have been in a tailspin. I've whined a lot here on the blog. Thanks for putting up with me.  Right now all good things are happening.

Rick suddenly seems to be making strides.  Last night he said, "As much as I hate physical therapy I can see how much it is helping me"  

I couldn't agree more. He made me promise not to say that to Derek. I laughed and said, "who me?"  I adore Derek and when he comes out to the lobby to get Rick I always get a hug. He is just a sweetheart. And yes, he really pushes Rick to the point of Rick giving it back to him. They both laugh and neither gives up.  It's nice to witness.

Yesterday, Tuesday, we had to go to Carolina Rehab's office. This office is located in the WakeMed Rehab Hospital where Rick lived for several weeks. This doctor was Rick's doctor in the hospital who did his early morning rounds that I would be there to speak with.

Rick walked in with no assistance from a stick or a walker. He climbed 2 flights of stairs and refused the elevator. He walked over 1 mile yesterday according to his tripometer. Yes, he walks slower but you know what? I kind of like it. I can keep up with him because he walks at my pace and my long legs of a 25-inch inseam walk normally. I am not fast walking to keep up with him. I kept thinking, boy is this doctor going to be surprised when he sees him.  And boy were they ever!!  Hugging him and making a fuss over how good he looked, spoke and walked in there. Rick was proud and he should be. He works hard.

He was wearing what he likes to call his big boy pants. You see with therapies every day he wears his workout shorts and T-shirts. 

Tuesday he wore a nice pair of khaki shorts with a belt, dress kizik sneakers, not the big bulky New Balance, and a T-shirt. He said, I'm not wearing a nice shirt, don't wish to look too nice they won't believe I need to be there. Ha.

His T-shirt says, "I'm not Drunk I'm a Stroke Survivor"

As we walked through the hospital and around the grounds EVERYONE was staring at his chest. Some said something, some gave a thumbs up and some just laughed and kept walking. As we made it around a corner he stopped and leaned against the wall. I thought at first he was getting tired. But he was laughing, and he said to me everyone is looking at my chest and it's weird. I now understand why you hate that so much. Not quite the same mister, but at least at age 68 he understood it - FINALLY. 

After his appointment, he wanted to go up a floor to see his favorite nurse, Gloria, and to see his ball-busting PT man, Nunzio.  Nunzio was in a room with a patient wearing a hazmat suit so Rick didn't get to see him and Gloria had the day off. He was so bummed. But we return in 6 weeks so I think he can try it again. Gloria will give him a huge hug I just know it. She was so damn lovely. And Nunzio will have a smart ass comment with Rick giving him a quick retort and they will both hug and laugh. Nunzio will be thrilled to see him walk into that room with no assistance like he owns the joint.

Now the cafeteria at this place is like a really nice restaurant. 

I asked, "Hey how 'bout I take you to lunch big boy?"  

I know he isn't thrilled to eat out in public yet but I thought, it's a hospital, he has on a stroke shirt, they get it. I was happy he agreed. And it was a huge success so he thinks going to a real restaurant would be no big deal. 

Sadly the stroke bills have stopped us from eating out but good to know. 

As we were leaving our lunch we went around a corner and his old speech therapist was walking in. They both squealed and hugged. Her name is Lyndsey.  Rick loved this gal but hated the tubes down the throat to see if he was swallowing etc. I mean he still dreams about this and talks about how awful it was weekly.

After they hugged she had her arms behind her back and he said, "Please tell your hands are empty and you are not hiding a scope!"  She howled.

Then she said, "Rick you are talking so well !"  He beamed.

Then she asked what happened to the rest of you?  

Yep, he's lost a lot of weight.  She asked if he was on a special diet. 

Nope, just eating less and exercising a lot.  She was so pleased to know he sees someone for speech 2 days a week, OT 2 days a week, and PT 2 days a week. She said, "You know this is the reason you are doing so well"

Rick pointed to me and said, "And this drill sergeant!"  She won't let up on the homework and the shouting, "heel, toe, heel toe"  

That made her laugh and wink at me.  Yep, I do that. 

But you see Rick needs pushed and when I know he can't do more I back off. He is not motivated on his own and he knows it yet doesn't do it.

All of his therapists told me to push him at home too so we do homework nightly and when he tries to count to 10 like 1, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10 I'm not stupid and will make him do it again. Normally we will laugh and he tells me he hates the way I count but while laughing he does what he has to do. 

He has really made big strides in the last 7 days.  It's so nice to finally see such a big payoff for him.

Last week I was coming home from the pharmacy when I pulled into the driveway and saw Rick talking over the fence to our neighbor Jill.  My first thought was, "Oh no, he needed something or he is in distress"  But no, he's talkative and was just chatting up the neighbors. Ah, the pre-stroke Rick who talks to everyone all the time. That was the first thing I noticed about his speech. His comfort level now with where he is at. He spoke to his nice sister in CA on the phone. That shocked me but also thrilled me to know he is getting comfortable and he is very understandable so I keep encouraging him to talk. So apparently he is now talking to everyone and anyone, strangers, people he knows, just like before. It thrills me to see this. It used to drive me nuts but now I see it as a healing. 

He flirted with this cute cashier at the cafeteria who messed up my food charges. She was all flustered and fixed it and boy he teased her. It was cute. I love that he is coming back. As we were walking away she told Rick to have a nice day and thank you for the laughs and understanding.  

I thought to myself, Thank you Zoloft.

He mentioned the other night he wasn't sure why he fought me so hard on the anti-depressants but he is glad the doctor made him try it. He said it was so dark, he was so angry and he knew he wasn't kind to me yet he couldn't stop it. He also didn't know why he was angry, about everything and he said it again, EVERYTHING was making him madder than he had ever been before in his life.  He keeps apologizing for that. While I appreciate it, it is not necessary. I know it wasn't my Rick. It was Stroke Rick and it's okay. Yes, it was hurtful, painful all of that. But I am trying to look at it as what I had to go through with a stroke. We both are living this. He has the worst part.

He told me he would be apologizing for the rest of his life. I told him there was no need to, I appreciated the apology immensely and let's just move on. You are doing better, so let's just move forward. Just take out the garbage now that you're better. He laughed so hard he coughed. He knows how I hate doing the garbage for some reason. Just like he doesn't make the bed. We each have our strengths even in medical distress. 🤣🤣

I am going to Duke Eye Center today.  Dreading it.  The drive, being alone, etc. But I have to put on my big girl panties and just do it. I know Betty (that damn mass on my retina) has grown and I've missed 2 appointments which hopefully won't set me back too far.🤞 I'll text Rick and check on him. I will be gone a minimum of 5 hrs.  I think more. He will probably nap all day knowing my husband, but that's okay, his brain needs to reboot and rest. He has the whole day off with no one making him walk on a treadmill, climb stairs backward, turn handles, do free weights, and repeat sentences. 

He is a free man today. He's gonna love it!

Monday

I had to drop Rick off at Rehab and I went to the building across the street to see the hand/wrist surgeon about this damn right hand. It's been since March. I was wearing a brace forever. I take it off a lot more now but driving and chopping in the kitchen I wear it because of pain. 

I made pico de Gallo and all that chopping had me take 2 Tylenol for the pain. But ooh that was great pico de Gallo. All fresh from our garden. 

So my wrist ligaments have healed but the finger and palm pain is different. It's trigger finger. Who knew that was real. My fingers are not bent in any way. But making a full flat palm down and outstretched fingers hurts like hell, so I don't try to do that. 😂

Today I was given some options and I chose cortisone shots. I got two in between my fingers. I know they put lidocaine on first, but that doesn't help the needle prick or the heavy feeling of the steroid. Damn, that hurt.

Right now it has a heartbeat. But she said within a week it should be a lot better. Having had that kind of shots in my foot, shoulder, and hip I know how this works, feels worse now but in a couple of days, it will be great.

So hopefully that's done with ....for a while anyway.

Rick had his 2nd appointment today cancel, they called us yesterday afternoon to see if we wanted to reschedule but much later with another therapist. I was not going to go back 4 hrs later so we skipped OT today, and he just had speech. Karen, the OT beast, was in Italy for the last two weeks. Rick was hoping she wouldn't come back so John could continue as his OT. Wishful thinking I told him.

When they called yesterday and told me she was ill I cried foul. Oh, not to them I played along. But Rick and I sure didn't believe she was sick.

We'd bet her plane was delayed or she missed a connection or something like that. I guess they think we forgot she was in Italy. It didn't matter. Rick didn't sleep well last night and he is now napping so it's all good.

The bathroom (master) is done except for the shower door. 

The idiot owner measured incorrectly.  The door was 9 inches too short. 

So now we are just waiting on a door. The new door was ordered and they 'hope' it to be here between 8/31 - 9/8. I admit just not having to be up and dressed by 7:30a for men being in my house I am thrilled. We were both up at 3am so then going back to bed at 5 for 3 hours was heavenly.

I began the painting of the baseboards yesterday but can't do anything today with this hand. Tomorrow. Everything in that room was dusty from drywall etc. I can't reach the glass shades on the lights to clean them and Rick insists I not stand on the vanity top. So I stopped all I was doing in there because the next thing left was to clean those glass shades and he can reach them without a ladder. Show off. When he wakes up later he can do that so I can clean them and be done with the part of the room. I just want to use that damn shower!!

Now I know why Rick prefers to do things himself and just hire the tile guy. We'd have had this done in 2 weeks. Honestly!! Just wait until this contractor gets the review. So many issues. Rick specifically said no sanded grout. We have sanded grout. The list goes on. 

Friday, if you noticed there were 2 posts posted on ole blogger. The 2nd one, or the newest, was to be posted on Saturday. I doubled checked it before I closed the computer. It was correct. But it showed up on Friday. I even went back to see if I had done it wrong. Nope. Gremlins in my machine or blogger. Didn't mean to do 2 posts on Friday like that. I'm losin' it I guess.

We had company on Friday afternoon and Rick was in such good spirits & my cousin said, "If I didn't know better I wouldn't know he had a stroke." 

I said, "Even with his speech and walking too?" 

"Well, I wouldn't go to stroke right away," she said. 

Hmm....

I made us all lunch and we sat around and got caught up and laughed and shared some pictures etc.  It was so good to see them.

Yes, he was Rick. (thank you, pharmaceutical gods, for Zoloft)

He was his old self. He was animated, funny, joking with them and he was with us the whole time. I thought for sure he'd be too tired and go to bed or something. Then about 30 minutes before they left he excused himself and said, " Excuse me guys, I'm whooped and I am going to go to my lazy boy and rest"  And he did. They understood.

That was the first company he's seen since being home from the hospital. 

I think even our angels who stayed here for 2 weeks would notice the big difference in him. He's walking very well on some days. Some days, not so much. We now have a placard on our car for handicapped parking close to the door. I only use it if Rick is with me, I'm not handicapped so I shouldn't take up the spot. But boy is it nice to use for Rick. Today he walked so well that I told him they may take our parking placard away when they see you get out of the car. He laughed and got out of the car and began to walk worse than he ever had before. Funny Stroke Boy.

Okay, I have the afternoon off and I need to get caught up on things.

Busy week with my eye and Rick's appointments. 

The person who was to take me to Duke for my eye is dealing with finding out she has stage 4 pancreatic cancer. 

So I will be driving myself and sitting there for hours afterward until my eyes are no longer dilated and I can drive home. 

As much as that sucks for me, it sucks far worse for her, so I can't bitch.

I will figure this out. Rick said he'd come with me. Why? So he can sit in an uncomfortable chair for 3 hrs and wait for me and then sit some more to wait until I can drive home?  Heaven's no. He can rest at home. I'll have his lunch ready so he doesn't have to do a thing. Same with dinner in case I'm really late. He is fine now alone just not using some things. And I know he will promise he won't use knives etc, but that doesn't mean I won't worry. 

Stroke Humor

When Rick was in the hospital he had an MRI as well as when he had his thrombosis, they found he had had a few smaller strokes over the years that he was unaware of. 

He is so scared of having another. So what happened Friday morning was scary, but thankfully now we both are laughing.

Rick's sleep hasn't been good. Last night he asked for a 1/2 of a sleeping aid. I reluctantly gave in.

This morning he was groggy and said, "I feel like the fog has come back. It was difficult to get out of bed. Do you think I'm having or had another stroke?"

He began putting his arms out stretched in front of him. They told him if having a stroke one side/arm will fall. They were perfect. Whew.

I got him his meds and remembered, "hey you are having a sleeping pill hangover. Remember when you got like this pre-stroke after taking a sleeping pill? 

He laughed and said, "omg you're right. Oh I'm so glad the fog wasn't coming back. Damn that was dumb of me, but I'm so paranoid now" 😅 

I can only imagine how he must feel. That had to be scary as hell. 

After breakfast he was feeling like himself and he said, "I'm baaack"

Yeah!

Just more stroke humor for us.😀

Wet T-shirts.

Because I mentioned this the other day in a post, I thought I'd expel on it.

Don't judge this ole gal for what she did at age 21. That girl was nuts.

It was 1978, at least I believe so. It was called The Great Blizzard.  I find that humorous because there was nothing great about it. It had hurricane-strength wind gusts that made snow drifts 15 ft tall. It happened in January.

Now a good person would look this up for you to be sure of the dates. 

I am not that person. I am fairly certain it happened in January '78 and Sue and I left for Florida in early February for spring break. 

We just couldn't wait to leave all that cold and snow.  

Since neither of us was in college, she worked as a hairdresser, and I was a barber, we weren't on the college spring break per se. It just so happened to coincide with spring break as we knew our friends were getting that were in school.

It was my last hurrah with Sue before getting married the following year to my high school sweetheart. 

Sue and I were the same age as almost everyone there on their college spring break I just happened to not go back to college until a few years later.

It was also my first plane ride if you can imagine at the ripe old age of 21.

We rented a car and we got to our hotel just fine. Neither of us had much money. We were doing this on a wing and a prayer.

But boy were we ever excited for this trip.

We had a small hotel with a kitchenette right on 1 in Fort Lauderdale.

The place was all kids. I imagine if anyone else tried to stay there they would regret it. At the time I was oblivious to that fact. I just saw FUN.

And how did we rent a car I wanna know? We were both only 21. You have to be 25 today? Was there not a rule for that back in the 70's? Hmm...

We lived on chip-chopped ham as Sue called it and cheddar cheese. 

We didn't make sandwiches that would have required us to spend money on bread. We needed $$ for booze you know. Our Priorities.

So we just ate some ham and a few pieces of cheese and drank the rest of the time. 

Of course, there was the sunbathing and burning our skin to a crisp.

One evening we decided we had enough money to eat out. We parked our car and went inside. We each had a small side salad and water and shared a piece of chocolate cake, because again, we didn't have much money but what we had we sure as hell wanted to spend it in other ways. 

We got outside to the parking lot after our meal and saw big rocks behind each of the 4 wheels. We laughed and took them away and proceeded home. We kept looking around but saw no one. This happened to us at another location as well. We found it funny yet kind of creepy.

I still find it funny all the places we went without a GPS. I don't even recall a map but I am sure we had one. Not that Sue could read one, trust me on this!  Poor Sue. Cute, tall, blonde and if she didn't have to read anything for the rest of her life she'd be very happy. Living with her was crazy because she would hide books I was reading so I'd "get my nose out of all the damn books all the time"  

She was funny.

We get back to our hotel and a party is happening. We were across the street from the beach. Oh, we had fun, and a great location. 

We met all kinds of people from all over the U.S.  There were these guys we hung with a great deal who had a room 2 doors down from us. 

While we only had 2 people in our room they had 6. 

6 boys with 2 beds. Sue and I were in their room once and it was smelly so we told them they had to come to our room. (we did not mention the smell)

We did not have that stench in our room. LOL

They actually came to our room and said it smelled nice. 

(incense to hide the reefer smell....ha ha)

That was another crazy thing we did. We brought an ounce of pot with us.

We taped it under my left breast. Just standing there Sue would say, turn to the left, turn straight ahead. Nope can't see it, perfect! 

No security like today. It worked like a charm. Well except for the rash the scotch tape made on my body that lasted for days! I know you're shaking your head. Hey, it was 1978. I said at the top, do not judge my 21 yr old ways. 

One day the guys 2 doors down stopped by and said they were going to see a Yankee game in Tampa did we want to go? 

Do either of you like baseball? they asked.  

Sue moaned. "Oh God, she does, and especially the Yankees." 

So off to Tampa, we went with them in a van. My God just typing that I am appalled at doing that. We didn't know these guys except for 2 or 3 days at this point. We were going in a van with strangers. Stranger Danger! 

Sounds like a Dateline Episode doesn't it?

There were 3 guys going and me. I begged Sue to come with me. So she did. I said, "There will be lots of guys there you know, you don't have to just watch spring training game or anything."  

That did it, Sue was coming.

I was in heaven as you can imagine. It was a great day and all ended up well, no drama, no kidnapping, nothing but wholesome fun. 

A couple days later there is a knock at our door around 4pm.  I get the door and it's the Spring Training guys saying they are going to this bar down the street do we wish to join them for happy hour?  We decided to meet them there since we just got back from the beach and wanted to shower etc.

We sat on the bed and counted our money. We were leaving in 3 days and we barely had enough to last us that long. We both decided we'd better drink water. So off to the bar we go. Thankfully a lot of men (boys) bought rounds so we had a few more drinks than we could have otherwise. (Thx boys!!) The bar announced they were having a wet T-shirt contest. We heard the rules, and we saw women/girls jump up and nominate themselves. It was a $500 prize. That was a lot to us and in 1978 that was a lot of money.

The guys we were with kept goading me.  

I said, "oh that is so not my thing boys, sorry, never gonna happen"  

Yeah, but $500 the devil on my shoulder whispered.  

As they are trying to convince me a couple of the girls went up on stage. Sue said to me, 'Peg you can win over those girls, c'mon we need the money"  I told her to do it then, she was well endowed. She kept saying, "Not like you, c'mon please, you can win this for us."  

For us? I am humiliating myself and you say for US? Well, I would share the money with her but still not feeling it.

The drinks, the peer pressure, I don't know what changed, but I did it.

They gave you a T-shirt of this bar to wear. You know it wasn't thick. 

This is so unlike me. Anyone who knows me at all is shocked when I tell them this story. I hide under blazers and oversized shirts.

Rick said I am making it up until Sue showed him pictures.  I have none of them. I was embarrassed and wanted nothing to remind me of this horrifying event, so Mike, don't ask for photos unless you know how to find Sue. 

Honest to God it is the most embarrassing thing ever in my life and I've been embarrassed quite a bit over these many years.

I put on my new T-shirt and off with my bra and we were hosed down like cattle on stage. I lived through it and yeah, I won. 

I couldn't get off the stage fast enough. I did have to have pictures taken with management and I was dying. It went on their wall with the others.

I also got a lot of free cocktails but I just wanted to leave! I was ashamed, I was mortified, and I didn't want to look anyone in the face. Although they weren't looking at my face anyway.

I couldn't dry off fast enough, I put on the ole bra and my dry T-shirt, and went to find my friends. But people were bugging me so I wanted to leave. Instead, we all left together, the boys, me, and Sue.

We went to another happenin' bar where I could show my face. 

This was not a proud moment for me. I am still mortified.  I made Sue promise me that she does not tell a soul. She never did, thank goodness. My father is rolling over in his grave as I type this. 😊

But boy this money was nice. Sue and I were now able to eat 3 meals a day for our last 3 days there and we bought the boys plenty of drinks for repayment of carrying us in regards to drinks.

On the way home while in the airport we were able to buy ourselves something to eat and on the plane, we were able to buy ourselves drinks. Unlike on the way down. In fact that $500 was more than we came with so we thought we were livin' the high life now.  

Ah, youth. I still can't believe I did it. But I have such great memories of that whole trip. Getting lost going to a mall. Turning around at a toll booth and the man laughing at us because we were so far from where we were going. But we laughed the whole time. We never did get to that mall we had heard about. 10 days of young fun.

I would be so worried if a young woman did that today. Just get in a van with boys you've only known for a couple of days and head off to a different city. Or allow oneself to be hosed down to show off your boobs for money. 

I would tell that girl to run...and yet.

A different time perhaps? Certainly.  But either way, it is the most awful thing I've done and here I am writing about it. At this ripe old age I am no longer shameful I guess, just mortified that I was such an idiot or that I succumbed to peer pressure when normally peer pressure doesn't work on me. And being a bit trampy too, to me anyways. Oh well now those 'girls' have fallen and they can't get up so they won't be winning anything ever again. I guess I can say, "well one day...."

Rick asked if it was the money that made me because he still can't believe I did this. I said, "Hell yeah, we had something like $23 left for 3 more days and we needed gas to get to the airport as well as eat etc!"  

Either way, it was a bad choice but boy those Tanqueray and Tonics sure tasted good!🍹

And the best thing of it all was that we weren't on Dateline, Keith Morrison wasn't going to interview my family. Yeah, we lived to tell the story.

Rainman

Rick calls himself Stroke Boy. (or drooling man baby - I love that one)

I call him Rainman.

I have found that I can no longer say, "Rick do you want to do such and such?"  

Or Rick, your appointment is at 10:30am.

If I do it's a constant, are we going now? 

Are you ready? 

Or he paces. 

Yesterday he sat at the edge of his seat waiting for me. 

I kept saying we have 3 hrs, 2 hrs, 1 hrs...ok, let's go for a ride first and stop at Walgreens.  

The other nite he laughed out of nowhere. 

I asked him, "What's so funny?"

"I finally understand why you call me Rainman. The circuits finally connected! That's funny Margaret" he said. 

It is funny, albeit annoying at times, its funny and I'm glad we can find humor even in the midst of dealing with all this stroke shit. 

I love it when the circuits are firing and connecting. 

Who knew that would be a phrase in my vocabulary?

What's Goin' On?

To Quote Marvin Gaye - What's Goin' On?

Rick is beginning to talk a lot more. I like that. 

It also means I'm laughing a lot more. 

He is doing much more around the house too. I like that, I admit.

Today the contractors didn't show up. Nice eh? I'm not even gonna speak about it because they are driving me bat shit crazy.

Since we were dressed and ready for people in our home at 8am, we went out to the garden while it was early to cut it all down. 

I made Rick breakfast first. Gotta give Popeye his spinach first. 😊

Rick told me it was only 88 degrees out, he had just watched the news.

Okay better get out there early then. We ate, threw dishes in the dishwasher and out the door we went. 

We got to the garden and began working. 

We were out there a full 45 minutes and he said, "I just can't do anymore"  

I told him I'd finish up and thanked him for doing so much.  

I knew he wouldn't be able to be out there for a long period of time and I thought 45 minutes was great in this heat. '

I told him that all this work is a good OT and PT practice on a day he had off. He didn't quite agree but we laughed about it and went to work.

After 90 minutes of being outside, I began to get lightheaded.

I sat down on the corner of the raised bed and thought if I just sit a spell.

That wasn't making things better. I was HOT. My clothes were wet and stuck to me. If only I was young again I could win another wet t-shirt contest. (yes I did that in Florida on spring break only because we really needed the money - I'll write about it another day) 

I quickly finished up and joined Rick inside. I downed some cold water and collapsed for 10 minutes. 

I flipped over the weather app and saw that it was 98 and 'feels like' 110.

He said it was 88. HA!  

When I mentioned that he told me it was 88, he said, "Well, I was close." 

Oh, brother.  

It is terribly hot and like most of the south, we've been dealing with it since June. I am so damn sick of high 90s and low 100s. 

Is it Winter yet?

I had to pick up my car that was repaired after we were hit in the hospital garage. It is so nice to have my own car. This rental was a Toyota Camry. 

It is small. It also sits very low. I had to use pillows to see over the steering wheel. So very happy to have my vehicle back. It may be old but I like it better than that little Camry. 

My friend who lives north of Raleigh called and left me a message to call her. We were to get together this Saturday for coffee. Just a quick get-together because I can leave Rick now for that length of time.

I thought she was calling to say she can't make it now.

This lovely woman moved here 5 years ago. Her partner, Paul, lived next door to Rick and me for years in Northern VA. He used to tell us how he was never getting married again. Or never living with someone again. I used to tell him he will change his mind when he meets the right person.  Then he met her. One day outside we were chatting on our stoops and he just lit up when he spoke about this new girl he was seeing named Becky.  She LOVED to fish just like he did. She loved to travel like he did. He went on and on. Then when we saw them together Rick would say, "Look how he lights up when she is around him"  I know I see it too! I bet they will move in together. Sure 'nuff.

They retired and moved to a burb north of Raleigh. They each sold their NoVa homes and made buckets of money to buy down here.

When Rick and I needed some help with my surgery and him getting home from the hospital, they were so upset because they were heading to Montana to see a sick relative and then off to Chile for fishing adventures. 

I told them we'd see them when they got back. They even visited Rick when he was in the Rehab hospital. 

She is finally done traveling for a bit and we thought getting a girl's afternoon would be nice. BUT - She was calling to tell me she had Pancreatic Cancer. Oh my goodness that floored me. No, say it isn't so.

What in the hell is going on? I mean what a lousy 2 freaking years it's been.

I adore this woman. I am just sick about this. She was very very depressed.

She said a small part of her pancreas and lots of spots on her liver.

We all know the liver is the thing that normally kills those with pancreatic cancer. She will have another PET scan Friday.

I am putting together a basket for her. Things she will need especially if having chemo. Blanket, skin care (oh my your skin gets so dry and ravaged after chemo) fuzzy socks, a funny book, lip balm, ginger tea for nausea, peppermint for nausea, etc. I asked a friend who had breast cancer her favorite gifts and she listed most of the things I am loading up her basket with. But I don't wanna. I am tired of all the people I care about being so very sick. 

My other friend here in the area was a blogger friend named Ro. She stopped writing her blog last year. I see her on occasion but she's been having some family issues and while she doesn't delve into them with me I know she was very concerned so I offered her my friendship and if she needed me she knew where to find me. She tends to keep things close to the cuff until she can't anymore so I don't pry. I know how she is so I am not offended.

She sent Rick funny cards and some fruit because everyone knows it's his favorite.

She text me asking about how rick was doing and I said I was at the drs and I'd text in a bit. She not to worry, we could talk tomorrow. 

I text her back and I hear nothing but crickets. Radio silence. 

Come to find out she too had a stroke. I believe she is far younger than me. She lives alone. Not much family here. I sent her an Uber Eats gift card so she could have food delivered to her apartment. I then asked if I could visit one day. She was back in the hospital. The same hospital that Rick was in. Honestly. She keeps saying, "Rick is so lucky to have you"  

Yes, but I can help you too. So I offered but she won't let me. 

Next week when she is home I will send her a care basket too. 

No one should have to go through all this alone. She is refusing visitors at the hospital so I couldn't even see her. 

Rick would never survive alone. He tells me I give him the strength to keep fighting. Who is helping her to fight? He wouldn't do his "homework" if I wasn't here. God knows he wouldn't eat. His medicine would be a nightmare all on its own.  It's difficult for me to get all these meds straight for the a.m. and then the p.m. meds. 

I feel like I'm running nonstop, 100mph a day, why not try to help someone who I can help?

What is so wonderful about both of these women is that we made friends, slowly. They show up. They text. They call. They ask about how we're doing. They seem interested. It goes both ways. I am not the only one who reaches out to see how they are, what is up, do they wish to get together, etc. The relationship was cultivated over time and only grew. It's so rare.

I meet people who say the right things but don't cultivate the relationship, it's only about them. They don't check-in. They don't text, call, show up. 

I'm done with them. I'm no longer going to be the only one who checks in etc. 

I'm old now, everything sucks and everything on me hurts.

I don't have time for bullshit.  I am only giving my time to those who give me theirs. How long can one do a one-sided "friendship"?  

For me, I'd say times up for many! I'm cleaning house.  

So both women I know here are very very sick.

The tribe I was building is being torn down.