Sleep

Sunday, as I walked from the kitchen to the living room, I dropped my glass of gin. First glass so no excuse. I am still determining how I did this.

The glass shattered and went everywhere and of course, my gin followed. 

Oh, I was ticked at myself. 

I swept up the glass, mopped, and vacuumed. 

Couldn't see another thing but I've said that before.

Monday morning I told Rick what I had done while he slept.

But he is walking around barefoot. 

Me: "Should you really go barefoot just in case."

Rick "Sure. How else do you think I can find shards of glass you may have missed?"

Okay, good point I say as I roll my eyes.

It's gonna be that kind of day I see.

And speaking of that kind of day -

Rick just slept 23 hrs.  He awoke at 8am Sunday and sat there staring. I asked if he was okay. That shit scares me now. He says yes, but he can't wake up. He takes his morning meds and says, "I'm gonna lay down for just a little bit more is that okay?"

"Sure we have nothing going on"

Around 1p I decide to eat breakfast so I scramble up some eggs and sausage.

Rick wakes to the smell of food.

He wolfs down a plate and then says I need to lie down, I just can't wake up.

He lays on the sofa and sleeps until 6p. Then he got up and went to bed.

I watched TV, ate popcorn for dinner, and checked on him constantly.

It's not normal for Rick to sleep like this.  I went to the bedroom around 9p and looked at him. He was asleep and he rolled over and I was there and it startled him as it did me.

He asked if it was time to get up. I said it's 9pm, do you want to get up?  

He said no and before I left the room he was out like a light again.

I kept asking him if he felt okay while he was awake that 45 minutes to an hour. 

I was annoying the shit out of him. 

But since the stroke, I have become a big ole worry wart. 

Stroke fatigue is one thing but this was different.

I finally went to sleep at 3am. I awoke at 8am Monday.  

I started my coffee and went to see how Rick was fairing. He was sleeping and I woke him and said, "It's 8am, you've been in bed for almost a complete day. You planning on getting up today?"

He sat up and said, "What time is it?  OMG, I lost all of Sunday. "

I told him he was correct but I wanted to know how he felt.

He said he felt fine like he finally got sleep. I'll say!

He had a quick bowl of cereal, took his meds, and off to the gym he went.

Because it was still raining the gym was quiet and he was home sooner than normal.

As I am typing this I am wondering if he is napping which he does a lot after the gym.  

Overall he is doing fine today. No issues and he says he feels good.

But since he is seeing his doctor Thursday I think I will bring this up.

I want to sleep now for 23 hrs. I'm a little bit jealous.

Good News

Finally, some good news to share.

As I mentioned I have canceled my shoulder replacement surgery. I am not having the same kind of pain. Roll your eyes back kind of pain. I discussed with the doctor and he and I thought perhaps the injection finally kicked in. Whew. 

Oh sure, there is pain. Lifting anything. I know what I can and can't do so I don't do what I can't do. So I told him I wanted to postpone and if it got to where it was then I'd do the surgery. He was okay with that.  Whew

As I told Rick I have 2 major issues and my back is far more important. I have another arm. I know, I know it's not funny but seriously this back makes everything difficult. Sitting, standing, bending, walking, laying flat, breathing, you know everything. 

Yesterday I brought Rick with me to see the neurosurgeon for my back. 

Rick asks me a lot of questions after I get home and I thought this way he could hear the plans and he could give me input. I also understand it all when the doc is telling me but then when I get home I don't explain it as well. So I just asked if he wanted to come with me like I've done for him the past year. He said, "yeah, I owe ya"  So off we went.

A mistake made by me. He was a pain in the ass when the doctor asked about my pain. When I said one thing, he said, "She's lying"  

Then he went into why he was saying that. Ah geez. The doctor then looks at me and I said, "Well yes"  Damn Rick.  I bitch and moan on my blog but honestly, I don't walk around and say this shit to people. Not even my family. No one wants to hear an old lady talk about her aches and pains. But ole Rick filled him in. I wanted him there to help me but instead, he was my tattle tale.

We went over options. Surgery is not an option for me. My back is a mess and it will just get worse as I age. Fun fact.

So he suggested I have one more injection and then do a spine stimulator.

Think of a pacemaker. Same thing only by my spine to put electrical shocks to my nerves to stop the pain. 40 years ago I had what was called a tens unit. It looked like a pager you wore on the waist of your pants. Electrodes went to the unit and they attached to my body. I wore that sucker for 1 year. And then never needed it again until now. 

I mentioned this apparatus to my doctor and he said, "We don't use them much anymore in fact you don't need a prescription you can just get them on Amazon."

I said, "Really? Oh God I am dating myself"

The young whipper snapper laughed and said, "Yes, you are. We believe that this is far better. It doesn't have to go through layers of skin and you get a better connection so to speak."

After all my questions and Rick's, I was excited by this prospect.

1. I may get relief.

2. It may give me a few more upright and pain-free years.

I am having that injection. Then they give you a stimulator on the outside of your body for a trial run. They insert the electrodes but the actual unit is outside your body. If this does work for me then they will insert it.  

I suppose they don't wish to go through the process of inserting it surgically into me and have it not work and then have to be removed.  I so hope this works!

I look at this like Rick's pacemaker. Just under the skin. You can't really see it.

I told him if I get this - neither of us will be able to go through the metal detectors at the airport. 

To me, this is great news. I know, I know to others this isn't good.

But relief of pain. Pain is mentally as well as physically exhausting.

I knew I could not have another surgery, it wouldn't do me any good. So my future felt hopeless and this gives me hope. This option and happy pills and in another month or so I should be flying.

They have to wait a bit after my injection. I just know I want it done before the end of the year so I don't have to pay another deductible. I'm broke as well as falling apart. Not a great combo but it could be worse.

Ring

 Yesterday while talking about the Ugly Naked Guy a few suggested it was Alzheimers. Oh, that would make this all livable. But he is just a very large hillbilly and he may wear shorts but we can't see them over his belly in front or on the sides, so it always looks like he's naked. 

But to the point of Alzheimer's. We have a ring camera. And if you have a ring you know you get notifications or alerts of things happening in your neighborhood. Someone posted Tuesday morning a ring video she captured at 1:33AM on Tuesday morning. 

It was an old woman wearing only a T-shirt. I couldn't tell if she was wearing underpants or not. But no bra. Her hair was disheveled and she was looking around the porch like she was missing something. Not at all like someone going to steal. My first thought was this woman has dementia or Alzheimer's and is lost. She certainly looked confused. This was not a person who was checking out the house to hurt or steal.

When we lived in No.VA we had a woman who took in her mom as she was aging. Her mom was at the beginning of Alzheimer's. But she rapidly declined. She would leave the houses in all states of dress and undress and walk around the neighborhood.  

One morning as Rick was walking Izzy he saw her in her nightgown.

She came walking down the street as if this was normal. Rick said, "Hello how are you today?"  She stopped to talk with him. 

At this point, he asked if he could walk with her. She said that would be lovely.  So he turned her around and they headed back to her house. When I asked how he got her to turn around he told her he likes to go this way is that okay?  She happily agreed.

When they got to her house he rang the bell and her daughter answered. She had just called the sheriff so she was thrilled to find her mother safe and sound. 

The first thing the woman said when they arrived at Lori's house was, "This is my daughter's house do you know her?"  So Rick had this full conversation with her as if this was all new to him too. It was nice. He went inside because she insisted he have some tea.  He didn't and she sat on the sofa and fell asleep.  

Soon after this event she was doing this too frequently so at bedtime Lori would have to lock her mom in her bedroom. But then one night Lori awoke to her mother beating on the door of her bedroom screaming, HELP ME THEY LOCKED ME UP, HELP ME.

When I went to Lori's her mother told me, "They lock me up here, don't stay too long or they will lock you up too."  I told her I wasn't going to stay that long.

Shortly after this event, it went straight downhill and Lori had to find a nice 

Alzheimer facility. It broke Lori's heart but I think she knew it was for the best for them both.  

Sadly just a few years later Alzheimers hit Lori. "They" say you are more likely to get this from a mother than a father so that was the first time I saw this in person.

So the big fat dude who may or may not wear clothes doesn't have Alzheimer's. He is just gross. 😂

Meme

My sister sent me this and it made me laugh out loud.

I always wanted to be adopted. 

I was the 🎵 "One of these things is not like the other"  

I knew this from a young age. I so wanted to know I was adopted and that would make sense of it.  HA.  No sense to it.  It just is. 

Rick is adopted and finds this meme funny.

And like me, he always felt like the odd man out but at least he had a real reason, he was legitimately adopted. 

Finding this funny, Rick sent it to his two sisters and one got very annoyed and pissed off. He told her it was a joke. But pissy people choose to be pissy I swear. (yes, the one that came here when he had his stroke)   

How can you read this and not laugh?

Oh well. He apologized several times and she is still pissy.

I can't control others feelings and frankly, I am tired of walking on eggshells and apologizing. That is my new outlook. I can't be a people pleaser. I can't make everyone happy. I do not do things to deliberately hurt anyone. If you are hurt and can't accept my sincere apology, what else is there for me to do?  Old Peg would fret over it. Apologize in all kinds of ways. Lose sleep etc.

Now, I am letting it go and venting on my blog. :-)  My therapy. 

We think know she is miserable. From her behavior to the things she says.

Although what we hear her say on Monday will be polar opposite on Wednesday.

That is fun. 

Sometimes people like it in their misery, it's comfortable for them.

I don't like misery. I don't wish to live there. 

To quote Taylor Swift, shake it off. (the only song I know of hers)

So if you don't see the funny in this I can't help you.

In other events - 

In the meantime, I am watching a lot of new TV shows and baseball.

Only 6 more regular season games left. The next 3 games which I REALLY wish to watch and I am blacked out.

I don't understand why I am blacked out from all things in Baltimore.

Not like it's close. I get why I am blacked out of Atlanta games but Baltimore?

Geez. Tonight's game is on MAX so I hope they don't follow that rule because I can't watch it on TBS. These next 3 games are a big deal. I don't know if we can win the series, highly unlikely. I just hope we don't lose the entire series, highly likely. It's gonna be a nail biter for me IF I can see a game.

Bluzdude, you'll have to keep me posted even if you are rooting for Baltimore. :-)

If you recall I have a neighbor like they do on the show Friends, Ugly Naked Guy.

Well, our UNG has been living at the shore. So I have not seen him in a long time. He has a lawn service and they wave to me when they are here. Unlike him, they are clothed.  Normally he returns in Sept. Maybe this year, October.

We were hoping he'd just move to the shore. He works from home so why not?

Then maybe we could get new neighbors who wear their clothes outside and are normal. That may be too much to ask for.

We were sitting on our patio the other evening chatting and Rick said, "Well if we get new neighbors maybe this time the female will be the naked person."

I laughed and said, "In your dreams"

He said, "Would that bother you?"

I told him it would not, I would always know where you were. 

In the garage pretending you're working on your lathe but staring directly into their yard. Or maybe you'd finally clear that patch I've asked you to clear next to our two fences. You'd get a good close up view then.

He laughed and said, "Hmm....you know me so well"

Yep, and I still like you, go figure!

FriYaY!

Hi Kids.

It is a sunny 90-degree day. The monsoons are over. Oh, it was fun while it lasted. 

Since this local nutjob is now all over the National News now I thought I'd show you a couple of his horrendous commercials Rick and I find appalling that run constantly day and night.

1. Keep your skirt down (this makes me want to sucker punch him)

2. Apparently she didn't keep her skirt down. This commercial was shown after the one above made him all kinds of grief here in Raleigh/North Carolina. So which video is a lie? Guess he thought the double talk would smooth things out. It did not.

3. Some people just should be killed (says it a little more than 1/2 way through)

Oh, there are so many more.

There are his comments about him calling himself a Black Nazi. 

He said he thinks there should be slaves.  This guy is certifiable. 

Guess who I am NOT voting for?

Happy Friday.

Enjoy your weekend.

And The Beat Goes On

It's pouring rain here. It's been a downpour for the last 24 hrs.

I love this kind of weather.  

It's dark and overcast.  It's dark in my house and I've got all the lights on.

Fall is getting closer I can just feel it.  YIPEE

While I never get to see awesome colors here and boy I miss it. I do get a fall, it's just different. My favorite season is the season with no mosquitos.

My trick on our patio worked this season. I will plant all that stuff again next year. Oh sure I got bit. But instead of 100x, it was only 15x. 😉

As is the case in my life I was in some pain and couldn't sleep.

So I did what I always do.  Watch mindless television until I get tired.

I found the Emmys in the prime time folder and watched it. 

Well, you can't say I watched it, I FF through most of it.  I like to see the so-called "fashion"  and it was eeh. God, I'm getting old. I did think Selena Gomez looked fabulous.

Speaking of fashion. 

The other evening while watching some young thing "sing" on a stage Rick began to chuckle.  I asked what was so funny

He said, "Can you imagine in the 70s Joni Mitchel, Grace Slick, Janis Joplin, or Linda Rhonstat prancing on stage in their underwear so people would pay attention to them?  It's crazy to me.  I don't get it, can you explain?"

"Oh hell no, I don't get it. I'm as old as you. At least Adele doesn't work in her underwear. I wonder if they do it because they honestly can't sing without autotune and so they prance around in their thong panties and bra."

He then said, "Hey picture it - Rosemary Clooney in her underwear and Frank Sinatra grabbing his junk as the boys do now."

Okay, now I am laughing. That's a picture I can't get outta my head. Thanks, Rick. 

He is always good for a laugh.

My new favorite Meme

 Ok, I'm depressed but I'm still snarky.

This is hysterical to me. 

If you didn't watch the show Alf, then this makes no sense. 

But if you did...

Hey, It's Friday!

I appear to be winding down here, don't I? Not exactly.

Add in a dash of funk and boy it's a mess over here.

A year or so ago I wrote here about watching a movie called Inventing Anna.  It was a very interesting movie and sadly true. I was so taken with the show I stayed up very late (or early) to binge.

This woman Anna Delvey (aka Sorkin) is Trump in a skirt. A narcissist, a con artist, a liar, a manipulator, and just plain sleazy.  If you haven't watched this on Netflix you really should! 

While it's amazing she got away with this, she did. She was so good at manipulation and lying. She had that skill down!

She's been in prison for some time and is now out with an ankle bracelet while waiting to be deported. And like trumpy she falls into shit and comes out smelling like a rose. A stinky rose. 

She is now on Dancing With the Stars. She is a star? 

She screwed over so many people, stole money, and did so much damage and she is a star? Why is ABC giving her this platform?

What other criminal gets a special exception to fly to LA to get paid to be on a show? This makes me sick. If she were black she would NEVER get this opportunity. But she's blonde in a short skirt.

I do not watch DWTS and after this BS I wouldn't ever again.  

I think on this show the audience votes, I'm not sure, so hopefully, they won't get her past week one.

Now to me, because like Anna, it's going to be all about me for a moment.

Timeline of my mess.

Oct 2021 moved to Raleigh

Feb 2022 Our dog died. Crushed us.

March 2022 mass found on my eye

Chemo/High doses of steroids for 6 months.

Nothing getting accomplished in my new home and I would lay there wishing I could lift my head because I could see what needed done and I just couldn't.

Sept. Thinking I was out of the woods. Still having stomach pain which I was told was from the chemo meds and it will pass. 

Dec. It wasn't passing and I was vomiting and not well but I am determined to plug away.

Jan - March - begin to unpack more things that were put into a bedroom and get this house together. Rick builds us a deck/patio

Tummy pain off the charts. But I plug away since they said this too shall pass.

April - broke down and saw a GI specialist. I had a fistula and my diverticulitis has made my lower colon a hot mess so they suggested they removal of my sigmoid colon. Oh fun. But no more pain I had to remember.

May - Rick has a stroke. I postpone my surgery I am a minor thing in comparison and I can get through this.

Rick is in the hospital for 4 months.

I can't postpone my surgery any longer.

Rick just got home and I have to go in for surgery. Good people from my hometown came (ANGELS) and helped out while I was in the hospital.

I come home and push, push, push.

Drive Rick to drs offices, and therapies daily, feed him, give him meds, help him in every aspect because I love and adore the big galoot.

Then my back reared its ugly head with a ruptured disc, stenosis, and degenerative arthritis but that's all. :-)

I get injections and push, push, push.

My shoulder is off the charts pain and they want surgery.

But suddenly it feels the best it's felt in a year so I postpone surgery and fall into a puddle.

I think I've been pushing so hard and going so fast this past 2 years and it caught up to me. What else can it be?

I think I need to take care of myself mentally and physically right now. 

I just need some time. I just collapsed one day and cried and haven't been able to get out of this depression.

It's not me. It's not who I am. I move forward. But apparently, I hit a wall.

So I haven't been around because I am not a fun person right now.

Or as Rick told me yesterday, he misses me. He did something and he looked at me and said, "No smart-ass remark? That's not like you?"

That did make me laugh because I said it in my head but for some reason, I didn't say it out loud. That's another sign, I'm quieter. HA. 

So hang in there. I will write when I can. I am sorry.

Besides I have a list of things that Rick has done and/or said to make me laugh and cheer me up. I put them in my phone so when I can sit here and write to y'all I will.

Living in a new area and having no friends here doesn't help. I miss my friends and yes I can call them all over the US but I won't do that. I will never call them to vent and complain to them. If they were here, different story, know what I mean? Don't know why but it is.

So enjoy your weekend. I am going to try, Temps down in the low 80s and with low humidity. Perfect days and nights. It may help who knows.

I may not be writing as often but I'll be here. Hang in there with me.