Monday

Rick is in a regular room in the stroke/heart center now. He got to eat pureed food which he does not enjoy. He still has a feeding tube or they call in nutrition but they also use it for meds. He hates this thing in his nose and down his throat. They told him today that it could come out Tues or Wed. He was a happy camper.

First day after the stroke he could shuffle his left leg. But since gout he can't walk. He tried today and the nurse got there in time. We don't need a fall right now. They told him they'd secure him ti the bed if he does that again. He was tied for lack of a better word with this nice thick velcro attached to him and the chair on the first day and HATED it. 

I've never been fond of his stubbornness but I see it's proving to be an asset in this situation. He really wants to try everything.

Alrighty, time for bed.

Saturday

It's 2:04am.

I can't sleep. Rick's sister was on her phone ( its attached to her hip) and watching TV. I sat on the sofa and I was out!! I slept from 930p ish to 1145p. Now I can't go back to sleep. Boy my mind races and goes to places it shouldn't. 

Your comments have made me cry. Big time. All of you are so kind and give great advice. 

I can't even put into words how much the comments have meant to me. I had a bad bad day, or I should say Rick did. Then I read your comments when I got home and they warmed my heart ❤️ Thank you!!

I feel so alone here. 

HIS sister is here but I feel like I have to entertain. Make meals I don't want to eat etc.

She means well, I know. (This is the family he just met several years ago becuz he was adopted)

I want to postpone my surgery. I'm getting all kinds of shit from everyone. I'm not canceling, just hoping to postpone.

I have a call scheduled with my Dr to discuss Monday.

Everyone tells me to take care of me. Well I am. I know I can't go to the hospital right now. I'm asking for 2-3 weeks.

Then he will be less drugged due to gout pain. He will remember I'm in the hospital for 3- 4 days. He'll also be out of icu by then.  Why can't everyone get that? 

Peg, they say, you must take care of yourself. Ok, when I am selfish and care for me, I hear it from EVERYONE that I'm wrong, they know what's best and I must have my surgery Thursday. They don't care that I won't heal as well being filled with anxiety, stress etc.

I don't get it!!

Boy the fact that y'all are still reading me with all the depressing shit and me whining is another thing I want to say thank you for. Sincerely. 🫠

I'll leave you on a lighter note. Ricks best buddy from Cleveland showed up today. They were coming to town this weekend for the divisional championship lacrosse game. We had a great weekend planned and we so thrilled to see friends. Instead of those plans we made, they came to the hospital.

I reminded Rick that they were coming today (sat) and I asked him one more time if he wanted them to come. He was thrilled. Jared walked in and Rick got his new lopsided grin, patted his heart and then pointed to Jared and Megan, as if to say, I love you but then gave Jared the finger. We all laughed and Rick laughed and about chocked which brought the nurses running in.

It was wonderful to see them. They understood him most times. Sometimes none of us can. All in all it was a great visit!

I left for a bit to go to the cafeteria. When I came back Rick was awake. He told me he so loved seeing them. It did him a world of good if you ask me.  

Update #2

Rick has had a set back. Because they weren't giving him his gout medication he got gout in his left knee. The side of the damage. 

He is in excruciating pain. Because of that his PT was cut short. He was able to bend his knee until gout. This am he said his pain was a 10 when Dr asked. It was a 6 yesterday. They just gave him oxycodon, and it worked he's asleep.  His speech is the worst right now and his swallowing is not perfect so still on feeding tube. Right now they just want him out of pain. Dealing with the gout. He asked me to take him home this morning. 😪

Before gout he was going into a regular room. He is staying in the ICU until this passes.  

This is more stress than I can handle right now in so many ways. But, you know that. It's not about me.

As I was leaving today he said I love you and squeezed my hand and the nurses heard and said they don't see that often and they love it. (How sad) He touched the nurses arm and said I love you too and they laughed and at that exact point his pain killer kicked in and he was out!!

My Ricky

In the last post I said in comments how this happened so you look there if you did not see it.

Because Rick got helped so quickly they said they expect a full recovery with a lot of rehab.

From his mouth to God's ear!

Tuesday Rick looked great. His left side has been affected as well as his speech. That side of his face is drooping and his smile is only on one side.

He can stand and move. His left leg and arm don't move as well but everyone including the neurologist were thrilled with his progress and all kept saying this was great for the 1st day & this doesn't happen often. Hmm, I'm not seeing it. But I don't think they'd blow smoke up my arse.

Because he was on a vent his throat today was still swollen so eating and swallowing wasnt easy. They put a tube up his nose that went down his throat while they feed him pudding and applesauce. It's still going down slowly but they didn't find anything wrong. Whew. Just a swollen throat.

He had an MRI and they found that he probably had small stokes before. But everything else on MRI was all they wanted to see. Blood flowing etc.

He has PT and speech  daily. Tuesday I was there from 8 to 5p. I hated leaving. 

Wednesday I walked in and he looked so damn tired. He looked better the day before. Then he told me they wake him every hour and prick his finger. So I asked the nurse about this. She said that when in the ICU we do wake them every hour and the finger prick is to test his sugar. I said but he doesn't have diabetes. Then the Dr and the neurologist came in and asked the nurse for something and I didn't get why.  I will ask again tomorrow.

His sister arrived from California today. I told Rick she was coming today and he cried. 

She took an Uber from the airport to the hospital. 

Rick takes gout medication. Because he isn't swallowing good enough for them to give him pills he hasn't had it. He told me his knee hurt. It was swollen and hot. Yep gout. Great.

Today's pt walking was difficult but it always is with his gout. So he shuffled to his chair. They brought in an X-ray machine to see his knee.

Then they put a tube up his nose which will send the medication right down to his belly.  He said it's worse than a covid test. That made me laugh.

He was going to be moved today, Wednesday, to a regular room but since the gout pain, his BP went up so they are going to wait.

He gets frustrated as you can well imagine with his speech. He told me he can't make the words come out. He thinks it, but it takes forever.

I think speech daily is his hardest. 

He does not remember what happened. He keeps apologizing to me for causing me all this stress. I said it's my turn to be the caregiver babe.

The nurses love him. When they put this condom catheter on him he told the girl, I usually get dinner first but at least your hands are warm. OMG I about died. Fine to talk like this around our friends and me but I think his filter is gone. The nurses laughed, thank God. Today they had to give something in suppository form. The nurse said as she's got him on his side, I know you'll want dinner AND drinks first for this. He put a thumbs up. She laughed. So at least they weren't offended when I apologized they just said they've had worse, no problem with him. Whew.

He got his vent out Tuesday late afternoon.That made him happy but he had a lot of phlegm. So they set the bed to vibrate to help break up the phlegm. It worked too. When the bed began to vibrate, Rick slapped his lap and moved his head as if to say hop on. I laughed and said, Ricky you're in there! He laughed.

He is aware and answers all their questions correctly so that's good.

So a lot of positives.

Today the nurse "suggested" we go home because he won't sleep if I'm there so we left. 

Today was the least amount of time I've spent with him but I could see he needed sleep.

I wish his sister wasn't here but using my mom's favorite saying, IT IS WHAT IT IS.

I'm a hot mess. I always thought I was a strong women. This event has proved me wrong!!!

I just want my Big Guy home.

Stroke

Rick had a stroke today as we were leaving the drs ofc.

I am certain we can not take more of this shit!!!

I will write when I can.

If you pray, I'll take a few prayers!

Remember Me?

Yes, it's been a while.

While I was away You saw Ricks's post and comments on the post. my hand was only 1 reason I wasn't around. 

One day I woke up and as I put my feet on the ground the room was spinning like NOTHING I've ever felt. Not like when you're young and foolish and drink too much --far more violent than that. I laid back down. Tried getting up again and made it to the bathroom and proceeded to violently throw up, This went on for days. no one knew why. If I lifted my head it was to vomit, because lifting my head made it worse. I couldn't eat or drink. Rick kept telling me to go to the hospital. I said no. I couldn't walk anyway. I was out of it. 

Well, my husband did this

It was awful. Two gorgeous young women are the EMTs who show up to my bedroom as I'm hanging over a wastebasket. Just Lovely. Who are they? Now Rick tells me they are taking me to the hospital. I couldn't fight him and he knew it, the little shit!

Their beauty was not lost on Rick. I too noticed how damn pretty they both were. I heard them say, "This is the first house we've gone into that doesn't smell." 

They said this a couple times to Rick, I couldn't talk, If I did, I'd just vomit. So, I just looked and listened. But, gee where the hell are these stinky homes? The ER got me to stop vomiting and the drugs stopped all pain. Whew. 

Each day it has gotten better. I stopped all the pain pills for my torn-up hand/wrist. It seemed to help after 2 days of no pain pills. My hand/wrist was excruciating but the room was only barely spinning now. 

So was it a reaction to the pain pills? I'm still having a little bit. I mean yesterday I seemed fine and out of nowhere I just had to run and vomit for a bit. Such fun.

I have some funny things to share but this is all I can peck on this keyboard. All done with my left hand...slowly. I've got a lot of stuff happening this week with pre-op and MRI on my hand tomorrow. So I'll be gone again. I will do my best to write before my surgery on June 1st. 

Out of Office

Margaret(peg) is down for the count.  I'll let her share the excitement of this event when she is feeling better.

You know she's not feeling well when Ms. Control asks for help here at her blog. Lol

Rick

Off into The Wild

Venturing out for a hair dryer today.

I don't have wash and wear my hair. It's not long so I can't put it in a ponytail.

So holding a blow dryer in my left hand while I use a round brush with my right hand. Ooh, can't do that now. How long can I wear a ball cap?

I order a Revlon Volumizing hair dryer 2.0. 

They sent me the original. Not the 2.0. 

The barrel is too big on the original for my hair. So I had to return it.

So I am going to venture into a store on a crowded Saturday. I need to blow dry my hair so I can look presentable. Of course, I go when Rick feels like it because he is my chauffeur. Wish me luck.

Gazebo and deck are not finished, close enough. Where you see bare spots it means some things will be going there, but good enough to use, and by God, we did last nite! Yes, I'm not a fan of that blue either!!

Thursday

I was asked about my hand again. Last time I'm telling it I promise.

They say it's a scaphoid lunate sprain. 

This does not feel like a sprain. These 2 ligaments (Scaphoid and lunate)

hold your wrist in place. Two of the wrist bones are far apart and they shouldn't be far apart. Wearing the cast/brace is pulling them together. This occurs typically from a fall or old folks over 80. I am not 80 and I did not fall. Then the ortho asked me about being on steroids. Why yes I was. oh goodie, something else damaging they do to one's body. I can't catch a break it seems.  The pain is like nothing I have experienced before. My left side has never had this much use. My broken ankle did not hurt like this. weird.

We sold Rick's big van on Monday. I had to sign all this paperwork. 

I did the best I could but within an hour my hand had a heartbeat and was swelling up again. now I can no longer use my fingers. I set myself back about two weeks. I know what you're thinking. sign with your left hand. Sure gave that the ole college try. I kept dropping the pen. The man here from Carmax finally said, "Can't you just do the best you can with your right hand?" It was obvious he did not give a rats ass about any kind of injury I may have, he just wanted his damn signed papers--STAT. 

I don't blame him one bit.

My dad used to tell us, kids, that the reason he was ambidextrous was that the nuns would slap his knuckles with a ruler when he used his left hand. So it was nothing for him to easily slip from one hand to the other over time. I wish I had that ability right now!

This, with all the errors took me forever.

Conversations

 I am still typing with one hand. It takes so long to type a sentence.

Hence, the lack of posts.

Here are a couple of crazy conversations in our house this past week.

There was a woman on The Price Is Right and you could barely see her face over her podium.

I said, "Wow, that woman is really short"

Rick: " You are that short! (laughs)"

Me: "Really?" (I was serious)

Rick: "Do you see yourself as taller?"

Me: "Yes I do."

Rick: "That's okay I see myself as skinnier."

We were watching a movie with mounds of snow. 

Rick said, "I remember when you'd come to town when you lived in Ohio. You'd stop by my house to leave me a note that you were in town and at your parent's house. I'd come home from work and see a pointed toe and a dot for a high heel in the snow on my steps and porch. I knew that was from your boots and I'd get butterflies."

Aw (I heard the bloggers go aww)

I said, "And now?"

"Hmm, More like moths."

I threw the remote at him. But damn that was funny to me.