Ah, the memories. Like never eating so the dress would fit. Yep, fun stuff.
Now it's a divorce.
We were looking at some of the photos. I liked this one but it's so blurry.
I still hate seeing my photos, old, chubby, Ick!
This is before I let some gray around my face show. I think I like the gray now that I see this. Jury still out though.
A good time was had by all and now it's over. It is all so damn sad.
I know that she normally has Thanksgiving with her mom but thought I'd reach out to see if she was interested in coming here. Her soon to be ex-husband and his children all live near her mom so it was easy to do it with her. Besides, she and her mom are tight and she and her dad are much less so.
I hate seeing marriages fail. Some I certainly don't get why they were married in the first place. But not theirs. This one surprised me.
I really thought Rick's daughter's marriage would prevail but things changed and I guess this is the point of no return. The stories have gotten worse and I just hope they can come out of this not bleeding.
I have a friend currently going through an ugly divorce.
She and I met in 1987 in Cleveland Ohio. I just moved there for my job.
She had moved there 6 months before me from San Francisco.
She was dating someone in San Francisco who could also fly free so he would fly out on weekends or she would fly to San Fran. I met him many times and we did fun things together but I sure couldn't see them being married. Not even on the same page. To me he was awful and I didn't get it. When I say awful, I don't mean a bad man. But he thought entirely different from her so to me this was glaringly obvious that he was not right for her or vice versa.
The day she was leaving Cleveland I stopped by her apartment to say good-bye.
She left the room and he said to me, I don't want to get married.
(I believe I have shared that here before)
He told me this a 2nd time emphatically.
I told him to tell her not me. To me, he owed her the truth.
She came downstairs and I wanted to whisk her away to tell her what he had said. But I never could.
They got married on the trip from Cleveland to Virginia where he was transferred. (yep they moved here where I am now)
Over the years we'd hear her say how cheap he was, how he didn't want kids ever, how he was disrespectful, his political radical views and on and on.
All true, but they were there when I met him too. He said the same damn things to Rick, he didn't want kids, he wanted more sex, she was a horrible homemaker. (he would not lift a finger) he wanted her to get a job and she didn't want to work. Again, all true, true, true.
So guess who got pregnant? Twice. Idiot.
It only magnified their issues over the years. Sadly their boys saw all the yelling and screaming and too many times she involved them.
Now the kids are gone, and it only got worse. Cheating, name calling and all the things they have been talking about since they met are still the same things they are bitching about. It didn't get better, only worse, far worse. They did this all in front of anyone. Invited to a BBQ by them would turn into a very ugly event. We stopped going to their home until he left the home. I couldn't take it. I just hate watching people be so mean to one another.
Now the divorce is in full swing and it is getting ugly. He claims she has never worked outside the home since shortly after they met. All true but to him, that means she gets nothing. He wants the house (it's falling down around them so I think she should let it go she can't afford to fix it) He doesn't want to give her any money at all. Again, same thing as from day 1.
I don't have a good feeling about this at all. She lives in their home.
He lives in the apartment above their garage. Weird huh?
I was there a week ago and he stopped by. You could cut the tension with a knife. The thing that saved us all was her mother and brother were there visiting from out of town so no ugliness was said or done. I would have walked out if it had but thankfully it wasn't necessary. I am glad because that meant I could stay and finish my glass of wine. 😋 (c'mon I'm joking)
She sincerely believes she will get all she is asking for. Then she is moving to another state to care for her mom. I have a very bad feeling this is not going to go as she plans and I worry about her. But all I can do is be here for a safe place to fall.
I told Rick he could leave me, but I'm going with him.
17 comments:
Hey it's nice to put a face to the name, it's the first time I've seen you. So sorry about the divorce, relationships are a mine field aren't they?
Sometimes it's so hard to figure out how a friend like yours can't see what we see right from the get-go. And what a jerk he was...didn't want to get married but did it anyway? Where was his spine? What a big avoidable mess.
I like what you told Rick. LOL
LL, well I hate all pix of me thats why! but then I have never seen yours either, so there😄
Jean, he is a spineless weasel. how is that for straight up no chaser?
We're so hard on ourselves, not taking into consideration others may not see us the way we critique ourselves. I think you're cute. Having been in a bad marriage myself, not paying attention to the signs BEFORE I married him, not wanting to hear anyone's advice, I've since come to know it was something I had to experience to grow into the woman I am today. It's a process. A not always pleasant process, but one where the choice is to sink or learn to swim. Hopefully your friend will swim.
Relationships are hard. A sense of humor really helps.
You're gorgeous.
Seriously.
And man, I hate it when marriages break up and people say hurtful things to their soon-to-be or already-ex spouses. And I want to slap people who don't protect their kids from that shit.
It's a picture of Rick and the elusive "Margaret".
What a mess. It never ceases to amaze me how perfectly intelligent people can be so misguided in relationships. People sometimes put blinders on. I have a friend who went through a horrible divorce years ago. She did not get what she thought she would in the settlement. She is now 68 and retirement is not in the picture for her. Sad.
Bellarum - I agree 100% I fear she is going to be a mess when reality sits in for her. He holds all the cards.
You guys make a good looking couple. Kind of remind me of me & the spousal unit - some big goon and this tiny, cute gal.
Divorces - Oy, Brings out the best in folks, eh?
Brian, who you calling tiny? Put on your glasses sir. I'm short, nothing tiny about me. Rick is a goon though. ha ha ha
Nice to finally have a face to put to the personality! So sorry about the divorces. Never ever easy. 🤕
Divorce always makes me sad. Honestly never thought I would be one of them but here I am.
I think you look great and I love the color of your dress.
Linda, yes I gather that from reading you that you too were divorced. I can't go back to read your older ones for some reason to see the backstory though.I know divorce is hard, been there done it and have the @#$! t-shirt. But honestly, my life got so much better after that i realized it was meant to be and I learned a great deal from it . All positive.
The dress color was picked by the bride. She wanted the 2 mother of the brides to be in coordinating colors of her wedding party. I liked it though too. It was a good color for my coloring.
Aw, I love the photo of the two of you looking at each other. And I LOVE that dress! Color, style, fit, everything. And nope, nothing elderly happening yet. I think that terminology would irk me too. Young punks.
Divorce has always fascinated me, especially when from the outside it seemed to be a happy marriage. I hope both situations end favorably for all parties.
I think you look great!
Sadly I told my husband I was done a couple weeks ago but of course we worked it out. We are just so different but we've been together so long I can't really imagine life without him yelling at the TV.
Post a Comment