Healthy...oops dead.

I may have told you this before but I couldn't find it while doing a search so I'm writing again.

As you all know who come here my mom died at age 44 of breast cancer. I had just turned 13.  I got a new mom when Dad married again. Along with the new mom, I got another sister and a small awful toy poodle. The sister was great.  (they had 2 more after that) Hated that damn dog though. 

So now here we are shy of 50 yrs later and when I say, My mom, I generally mean what others call my stepmom. She got to be my mom longer than my birth mom sadly. So to me, that is my mom for the most part.

Now the sister that came to live with us is of course not blood-related. 

But to me, Stephanie is my sister. She came to live with us when she was 5/6 making her now 56 years old. We grew up together. In our 20s we were roommates again at the beginning of our careers. 

Rewind to me in my early 20s. I go to see an allergist. My cousin Bob, who I adore, was seeing this allergist and referred me to him. I am given paperwork and then the doctor comes in. He sees that Bob referred me and says, Oh I see Bob is related to you. He said nice things about Bobby. We make small talk. Then he goes down the list, "how is your fathers health?"
Me: Very good.

Doc: How is your mothers health?

Me: Also very good.

Me: WAIT! My mom is dead.

The doctor looks at me like I"m an idiot. 

Me: Sorry, my mom died when I was 13. I was referring to my stepmom which I know is not blood.  So Sorry.  

He is looking at me like I'm looney but I pretend I don't notice.

Doc: Do any of your siblings have allergy issues? 

Me: Yes, my sister Stephanie has all the same things as me. She suffers as well.

Doc: Have you both always been like this?

Me: Yes. Oh, wait. Ah, sorry but Stephanie is a step-sister. I forgot. So no,  my blood sisters do not have allergies like me.

He puts the paperwork down and just stares at me. 

It felt like he was looking through me I had to look away.

Me: I know I sound crazy but I never think of half-sisters or step-sisters we're just sisters to me and I'm sorry, I know what you needed, blood sisters. None with allergies!

I don't think this guy thought I was playing with a full deck. It doesn't help that I giggled either. But by this time it had been 20 years and we've all grown up together. Dad adopted Stephanie immediately so to me it always just felt like a family with no 'step' before it. But I know what others thought.
Then unfortunately I did this again.

At the cardiologist this week he asked the same questions.

Doc: Heart disease in your father's family? 

Me: Nope

Doc: In your mom's?

Me: Yes.  My mom just had a leaky valve repaired.

Doc: Do you know when and how they found this? 

Me: She had a lot of the same symptoms as me but they found it on a stress test.

Doc: Good did she have the surgery to repair or replace.

Me: To repair. (gee didn't I just say that?)

Then it hit me, Oh God, wrong mom.

Me: I'm sorry, but I just told you all about my stepmom. My birth mom died in 1969. I'm sorry. I had my birth mom for 13 yrs and my stepmom for 50 so sometimes I just go with the flow of her being my mom and honestly forget. 

Doc: I get that a lot in here so no worries.

Me: Good I didn't want you to think on top of all this I was having dementia issues too.

Doc: for feeling so bad you're funny.

I did not see anything funny here but I let it go. If he thought it was funny okay with me. 

I imagine in today's world of blended families this is something that comes up a lot I said to Rick. He believes it doesn't. Most blended families are from a divorce so he thinks it wouldn't be the same. Guess that could be true.

I admit I would have preferred my parents divorcing because I could still visit my mom. Who am I kidding, I would have gone to live with my mom. But you know the point I am trying to make. I could see them both if they divorced. That to me would have been ideal. 

I saw Wolfgang Van Halen in a 2 hr interview talking about losing his dad. The pain was something he felt would never leave him. My first thought was you are 29 years old you had him for 29 years you lucky dog. But pain and loss is pain and loss no matter how long he got to have his dad. That thought wasn't nice of me. I was just jealous for a moment there. Listening to him and the things he and the interviewer said to him were so off to me. You never get over it. Never.

The pain is different and softer over time. But it's always there, no matter the age. It's just no longer in the forefront. You just learn how to deal with it or so you hope. 

Just don't tell the physician they are healthy after they passed. They don't think much of you after that. :-)