How is that Helpful?

Rick is home right now.  I will update you later on that.
Today I am going to discuss shitty families.  We both have them.

When Rick had his stroke his sister he just found (remember he's adopted) called to say she wanted to come. I asked her not to come at that point. How about a bit later? She kept saying she was going to help me. I told her I would need it later but she wouldn't listen. It's always what she wants above anyone else's wants or needs. Then I thought well, it's her brother she should be able to come see him. It's not about what I need or want even if she kept saying she was coming to help me over and over again. 

She is a control freak. She lies. She has to control the narrative at all times.

Remember how I told you she pissed off the nurses so badly that I brought in donuts the next day to apologize? Well, the dumb sister thought I was being nice but in reality, I didn't want her behavior to hurt my husband. She told them they weren't using their software correctly. She told 2 of them this. I heard them outside talking they were livid. She pissed off a doctor. She doesn't let up. She doesn't read the signs. She plows forward.

Help?  How was this helpful?

She spent all her time on the phone. Yet proclaiming to everyone in earshot that she was there to help her brother. Help? How is that? 

As was the case she went into the lobby off his floor and sat on the phone for HOURS. Then she came in asking if the doctor did this? Did they put him on this? You know because she has a degree in nothing but thinks because she works at the worst insurance company in the U.S. that she is a medical professional. 

Because she had been on the phone for hours I text her to let her know Rick was walking for the first time. She ran down the hall and videotaped it. Then made a big production and sent it to people as if she was there all along and not on the phone. This is when she asked about the doctors coming in etc. I told her he was here, it's been worked out. You have to be in the room to get this information and not on the phone. She didn't hear a word of that.

Why be there if you aren't doing anything more than talking to your husband all day? Or on Facebook marketplace? I had to hear what she was buying and selling as if I cared. My husband is in the ICU, I don't give a shit lady.

Rick wasn't talking much at this point but he saw and heard it all. 

He was not happy with her. I had to keep quiet for him. I was unaware that he was so aware of her behavior.

When he came home he told me all he witnessed and heard from nurses, a doctor, and everyone who came into the room. Rick didn't have to tell me I was living it. He apologized to a male nurse who she insisted on 'helping' with the software because she used to train nurses on how to use it. that guy gave her a look that could kill but did she notice. No siree. He did say, "we all use this in the way our company wishes it to be done" and he turned away from her. she walked over to view the screen again. My God she is clueless.

That nurse thanked Rick for the apology. At that point, he was barely speaking but she upset so many that he felt he had to try to communicate to this man that she was going to go home. Yep tubes down his throat and up his nose and you are making him apologize for your behavior. How is that helpful again? 

He told me to tell her to stop it one day in the hospital. 

I asked, "Have you met her? She won't stop it she will pick and pick and pick and until it bleeds then she will be happy. Then she will tell another big story about how that happened and none of it will be close to the truth."  

He chuckled because he knew that to be true. Besides she hates me and it will only make matters worse.

It was so obvious she doesn't like me. She was passive-aggressive, downright mean and I swear she's bipolar. She never told the same story the same twice. She twists. She is a person who wants others to be impressed by her and I think that is why she lies. She MUST control the narrative at all times. She hates everyone that isn't under her control. And she lies to only make herself look good and to cause drama. Oh, how she loves drama. 

My favorite daily remark was how she would say, "I know my brother loves this or that" And I would say, "No, he doesn't where in the world did you get that idea?" 

"Well, I know my brother. "

I wanted to laugh at her. I mean she's known him for what, 5 years? I've known him for 36. I think I have an idea of his likes and dislikes. But it was important for her to tell herself this I guess. 

I let her think at the beginning that I couldn't drive so she felt useful as I wore this brace. But after a couple of days of, "Well cars wouldn't be on the side of the road in California.  We don't drive like this in California" 

I said I could drive. 

Again, how is she helping me? She got the hospital staff pissed off. She was angering my husband who couldn't tell her to shut the F up.  He told her to go home at one point and the drama queen told everyone I told Rick to tell her that. OMG. I would never tell Rick that nor would I have done it while in the hospital. He doesn't need her drama, lies or any of it to stress him out.

And she offered no help at home except she would eat, drink, and smoke pot. 

How is that helping me?

When I came home after 8 hrs at the hospital, I just wanted to be alone. 

To collapse. She wanted to smoke, play on her phone, or eat something. 

I wanted none of that. She was helping me how?

Her latest shit she pulled was after she heard about our ordeal. Again she read and heard what she wanted to see and hear. Rick was unable to get on his feet because his feet and legs were all gout. Prior to this he could get up fine, walk with only a walking stick and was moving along quite nicely.

She text me and asked if I would be home on Sunday. I said probably not since I thought Rick would still be in the hospital. I asked why? She said she was sending an old used chair that would lift Rick out of the chair and onto his feet.

I told her NO. An emphatic no. He does not need that. It is not a piece of equipment he needs or wants, nor do his doctors ever want him to use it because he needs to strengthen his legs, hence what PT is for. PT told him the first week that those chairs do more damage than good for a man like him after a stroke. 

So again I tell her no thank you to the chair. If he needed it or they wanted it for him, insurance would give us a new chair, as they did all the other pieces of equipment we have now. Nice thought but no thank you.

I get to the hospital and tell Rick she wants to send this. He is livid. 

He said she has no respect for me, to ask me what I may need, or what my doctors and therapist think I need she just does it so she can tell everyone look what I did for my brother!  It's all about the show for her.  Aren't I fabulous? Aren't I kind? Aren't I helpful? Aren't I rich? Aren't I smart? C'mon. Why else do people say the make of their car instead of saying, "my car". Who else tells you what size they wear every day at least twice? Who the fuck cares?

Oh, Rick was now really seeing her!!

I agree with him. He and I both text her NO to the delivery. We would like a tracking number to refuse this delivery. She ghosts us for days.

The longer we go without hearing from her or getting a tracking number Rick is getting angrier. This is what she does. She ignores it until she gets what she wants. How did she think this chair was getting into our home? Neither of us would be able to move it.  She's been here where did she think we were going to put this chair? The kitchen? There is no room, not an inch. But damn it,  it's her diagnosis and it doesn't matter that the doctors don't want him to have this type of thing, she believes he needs it. How stupid, something to put him on his feet with feet that can't touch the floor. Smart lady.

Rick again asks her to not ship this or incur this expense. 

He said, "I think you mean well but next time give me some respect and ask me okay? He said that her continuing to do what she wants over respecting everyone else could cause our relationship to severe. Please stop this behavior."  

Still ignored.

Finally, late yesterday as we are leaving the hospital, she writes him and says that she has issues going on you know. No, we don't know. You don't share anything unless it makes you look good so how would we know? 

But of course, Rick doesn't say that.

Then she said it was canceled. And that she was sorry he was severing ties, (HE NEVER SAID THAT) and that words hurt. OMG

So Rick responds with well, you hurt me too and explained. He also asked her to reread the text because that is NOT what it says. She will not see or hear that. She will take what she wants. We all know these toxic people don't we?

Her other family members see this sadly.

She also reminds me of that dog on a commercial, going along with doing one thing and then SQUIRREL.  That is her. I know someone who is bipolar - she is a duplicate of them. Sadly this woman is not medicated or diagnosed because why would she go to a doctor when she knows all things in the medical field? Her family sees this too. 

Now to the angels who were here to help us. They left my home cleaner than when they arrived. They cooked meals and froze them. They did laundry. They vacuumed dusted and cleaned floors, toilets, tubs etc. They did yard work. They watched over Rick while I was in the hospital. 

They picked up Rx's. They never stopped.

That is helpful. Not the woman above. And they are funny and kind. That is HELP.

Rick is extremely sad that he was seeing her true colors. He assumed a lot of this but her visit solidified it for him. I'm glad that I finally could say what I wanted to him because I didn't want to share any of her behavior to upset him or to give him stress when in the hospital. But she did this all herself. I didn't know that he heard the doctors and nurses as I did. They fumed about her for days, hence why I kept bringing in food. One nurse said to me, "we appreciate it but we know it's her, not you and we would never take it out on the patient" While I wanted to believe it I did not. I saw how they came into his room to chat or check on him less due to her.

Yes, I'm ranting these days vs funny. Thank y'all for still coming around.

I hope to get back to funny real soon.

Family Part 2 tomorrow. Hey, you think his family is screwy....have I got a family for ya. 

Long One

 On June 30th I was released to drive. Yipee.

I have not had pain since my surgery. I had discomfort but no real pain.

When getting up I am more like the evolution chart but each day was better.

Coughing, sneezing, and laughing hurt more than anything. But I felt better than I had in years.

Our angels left on the 1st. 

Rick had some swelling happening on his foot but we weren't that concerned...yet.

Now here is the graphic part - sorry.

I didn't poop on the 1st. I didn't poop on the 2nd.

the cramping and pain were off the charts. Sharp stabbing pains.

I couldn't sleep I was miserable. I called my dr and she said to go to the ER and lucky for me she was on call. She wanted to eliminate any blockage.

I told her I really couldn't leave Rick. He was now unable to walk easily.

His left knee/calf (stroke side) was the size of a sequoia tree trunk. He had full-blown gout in his right foot making walking absolutely impossible.  

He was using a walking stick but now a walker because of the pain.

He told me to go to the ER - he wouldn't move from his chair. He promised.

I went to the ER. CT scan with contrast to see my gut. No blockage. Everything looked like it should. But I did vomit a few times and I was dehydrated. I got anti-nausea meds and I wanted to go home. They wanted me to stay overnight. I refused. I said I had to get home to my husband. 

I was told to take Colace and Miralax and drink a ton of water and to let her know if that worked. I have a 2nd follow-up later this month anyway.

I get home and Rick is on the floor. He had been there for an hour. 

He said he wanted to get up and when he knew his feet couldn't do this he thought he'd try doing what his PT man Nunzio told him should he fall. 

How to get up if he fell in his garden or at home for some reason. But his knee/leg and foot were not letting him do what he had to do.  And in all honesty, I didn't understand how he thought it would work.

I could not lift him.

Now I am not to lift more than 10lbs per my surgeon. 

He is way more than that. But I tried for a long long time.

(I did do damage to the hand that was healing) I tried for so long I was in pain. I had to call 911 to get him up and get him help.

Two snarky bastards came and I said I wanted to go back to the ER. They said what do you think they will do for him? I said he is screaming in pain if a wind blows over these limbs, I want him to be seen, and given pain medication that is what I what them to do!  Begrudgingly these two shitheads drive him to the ER. 

He is given a room and no one comes in. We sit and wait. This is not the hospital he's been at in Raleigh. This is the small hospital I just left near our home. (when I say small It may be big to some but it's not WakeMed in Raleigh or Duke) 

Someone comes into the room and takes an X-ray of his swollen leg. Then someone comes in to do an ultrasound or Doppler on his legs to be sure there are no clots. He asks both for water - they say they will get someone to bring him some. They leave. No water is to be had.

An hour later a woman literally RUNS in and says, "Hi I'm Kat, I'm your nurse. I'll be back later"  Never to be seen again. Now mind you, this place is dead. It's Sunday (July 2nd) a holiday weekend. No one in the ER lobby except 2 ladies. So she acted like she was busy but who knows. We asked for water again and she said someone would bring him some. Yes, we've heard that before. No water was given. I see a sink and paper towels and I wet some and give him that for now to wet his lips at least. 

Rick is cold. No blanket. No pain meds. He is miserable. We are ignored. 

Then someone walks in and says we can go home. WHAT? 

I said how do you expect him to go home when he can't walk at all? He was brought in by ambulance. They shrug. You know, that professional behavior. Ooh, I was getting livid. She comes back and tells me that a case manager can arrange transport for him if I'd like. I said yes. 

3 hrs go by and not a peep from anyone. Rick is off the charts in pain.

I go to the nurse's station and see them all partying. They are eating, feet up on desks, and laughing. 

I turned into a Karen.

The snarky heavy-set blonde thing rolled her eyes when I came up to the desk. That's all she is apparently good for, rolling her eyes and making snarky looks at her peers.  I asked where our transport was. One of them says, "Oh the case manager won't be in until tomorrow."

I lost it. "You mean, You are going to have me sit on that metal chair in that room while my husband is freezing, not admitted, and given no pain medication until some time tomorrow? What the hell kind of medical help is this? Why are you doing nothing for his pain? And why the hell did you leave us sitting in there and not communicate any of this to us before I had to ask? What the hell kind of professionals are you?"

Not one fucking word was said in response. 

I go and tell this to Rick. He says bring me home. I ask how? I can't move you, you can't walk. He says he can do it. I know damn well he can't do it. 

The security guard is a huge guy and he shoves Rick in the backseat of my car.

We pull into our driveway at 12:33pm. Rick tells me how to move him slowly so he can get to the steps that I parked so close to for help. 3 steps.

Rick can't and I lose my grip and he is on the pavement. He was on the pavement until 3am. I tried putting a sheet under him and pulling I got him to the steps. But I couldn't get him up. He couldn't even do an army crawl from pain. I was crying. Rick was screaming in pain. This was inhumane of that damn hospital. I wouldn't want someone to treat my dog like this!!!

I had to call the EMS again for help. (Dear Lord people I don't know how all of this will be paid honestly.)They got here and put him on the sofa. He lay there in misery until Tuesday morning. Because he couldn't go to the bathroom we used a pee container like this for him. 

Luckily I just had surgery so I was given some oxycodone. I didn't take any so I've been giving it to Rick every 4-5 hours. Thankfully that made him constipated so we didn't have to worry about that. But I ran to CVS and got him depends. He was livid. He wouldn't wear them. I begged him to put them on telling him they were like underwear, just in case you do have to go better safe than sorry. He was in too much pain to argue with me thank God. But getting them one was a 30-minute ordeal due to not being able to lift his legs to get them on. Boy, my body was sore, and now my wrist. The dislocation on my wrist was not liking any of this but it wasn't about me I had to plow through. This was breaking my heart. 

I wanted to call EMS again and go to WakeMed. You see the first time the snarky bastards who showed up said Clayton was closer. Yes, but we wish to go to Wake Med, it's only 17 miles away. 

This time when the ambulance got here it was two lovely ladies who couldn't pick me up let alone Rick. They called the fire dept for backup and in comes 3 big muscle men to pick up Rick and get him in the ambulance. We headed to Raleigh.  I followed the ambulance there.

We get in the ER and they are rushing around him. He was given pain meds, and an ortho consult on his knee and they drained his knee to be sure it was gout and not sepsis. This is the hospital that saved his life with his stroke. So they had all this information already. That was so damn helpful. They did tests upon tests, gave him pain meds, and blankets, and took care of him like you'd want your loved one to be cared for. Once he got the morphine, his whole body relaxed and he had a good solid nap for a bit. Seeing his body relax was a blessing to me.

The doctor came in and said, "There is no way you can care for him so I'd like to keep him here for a few days until he is able to walk again is that okay with you?"  

Honestly, that was perfect for me. I knew he was in good hands. I knew I couldn't care for him in the way he should be cared for and I can't lift him. 

Then we had to sit and wait for a room to become available.

I stayed for just over 6 hrs. A nurse came in with the doctor a bit later and said I looked exhausted was I feeling okay? Rick now drugged, jumps in and says, she needs to go home and take care of herself she just had major surgery. The doctor asked what I had done. He told me he was ordering me to go home. Rick was going to be taken care of. They promised me they would call me when he got a room and tell me where etc.

I came home and collapsed. I had a good old-fashioned meltdown and cried a big ole ugly cry. They did indeed call me and tell me where he was and they asked if I wanted to speak with him they would connect me. I spoke to him and he told me the drugs were helping and he told me to get some sleep (I had not slept in days) and I can see him in the morning. (this was all on the 4th of July) 

I got to the hospital today just after 7:30am. I wanted to be sure I caught the doctor.

He has been given a new drug for gout. (he takes allopurinol daily for gout) But this drug is given when you get it to speed up the length of time you have it apparently. He was also given steroids to help with the issue. He was able to move his toes and he hasn't been able to do that in 5 days.  He looked so much better too. The poor man is exhausted from the pain and this whole damn ordeal.  I don't blame him one bit.

OT and PT came in to see him today. They both work in the hospital as opposed to the WakeMed Rehab he was in. The OT person looked so familiar to me. She told us she workrf with him when he was in the Neuro ICU. She was blown away by how far he's come and praised him for his hard work. She did all kinds of testing and then said she would try to see if she could get him back into the rehab part of the hospital for a week or so while he is healing. PT got him to his feet and he took 8 steps all the while wincing and moaning. They got him back to bed.

He was seen while I was there by 2 drs, OT, PT, and nurses. When I walked in he told me his nurse was named Chi-Chi and she was really pretty and very very nice. Good, I'm tired of shitty nurses!! She had such a pretty accent. Rick thought she was from Jamaica but I said it had a different lilt. Finally, we asked. She was from Africa. She was a very tall woman, almost Rick's height. And boy could she whip his body around like a rag doll. It made me chuckle. What I'd do to be that tall and big.  5'1" me doesn't have a chance of whipping him around like that!

I came home early today. I left at 12:30ish. I came home, collapsed on the sofa and fell asleep immediately. I slept for a few hours. Then began to do things like take out the garbage for garbage day, laundry, and honestly I just didn't want to do anything. I am tired. I remind myself I am not being lazy but recuperating. I am still not quite right in the bathroom department but no more pain, just when I laugh, and I'm not doing a lot of that right now.

BUT,  my funny husband told the OT and PT guy and gal about Nunzio who was his PT in rehab who they know. Nunzio was telling me how and where to stand when Rick goes up the steps so that he doesn't fall on me because "he's a big dude and he's going to be heavy on top of you"  I said, "I know, he's been on top of me before"  Nunzio, Rick and I all laughed. 

I didn't wish to share this with 2 of these people who we have not known but for an hour. But of course, Rick is feeling a bit better from being drugged so he shares it. They howl with laughter. (thank God!)

Before the PT man left I ran to the bathroom. I came in and he said, "I asked your husband but I want to ask you, don't look at him. What do you think is the secret to 36 yrs together and all the love and laughter I see between you two?"

I said, "Humor and communication."

He said, "That is what he said!"  

There is no secret. Everybody had to do what works for them. 

All I know is the love of my life is in pain and broken. 

I want to fix him and make it all better.

Ugly turn

Things have taken a bad turn here. We are alive and that's all the positive I can muster right now.

I can't write for a while I'm assuming. I may get lucky at 2am or something. 

In the mean time I hope you enjoy your long holiday weekemd if in the U.S.

Quickie

Just a quick update.

I'm doing great, surgery-wise.

Rick is the just the same.

I am not writing today just sending you some memes and wishing you all a Happy 4th of July holiday weekend to my American readers. 

Rock Star

It's 330a here in my hospital room. Definitely is quiet at this time. Trouble sleeping. I so want to lay on my side, which is how I sleep normally but it's too painful.

I've had a nurse all week during the day that is a Rock Star nurse!  Her name is Sophia. She is da bomb.

Sophia is young, gorgeous and so kind. Patient, and smart. I enjoy when she stays a bit and chats with me. I always feel like I'm taking her time and she tells me this is also part of her nursing job. To know the patients is to also help them she tells me. Make them not feel so isolated when away from family.

No matter what is thrown at her she smiles and handles it. I just adore her.

And as my night nurse, Kim says, she's so pretty even after a 12 hr shift you want to hate her but she's too lovely to feel that way. 

I understood what she meant.

My night nurse wears a mask and her accent is so thick I am always asking her to repeat. But she's very nice as well. Just not like my rock star. She's nice and does her job but nothing extra.And she came in tonight when I was actually sleeping and says, "Peggy, Peggy, Peggy, do you want some tylenol?" Omg. I could hurt her. I was finally asleep.

When I had no food for days Sophia snuck in an Italian ice. Not food but something to eat. The next day I got some vanilla ice cream. Sure it's only 1/4-1/2 cup but it was food I could eat, not chew, but I can't being picky now can I?

Leaving in the a.m. I could have gone home yesterday, Friday. Rick and Laura came to visit and Rick was exhausted and looked it. He apologized and said he had to go home. Then of course the drs come in and tell me I can leave. I couldn't ask Rick to come back and Laura can't leave him alone. It is not close to home. So I asked if I could leave first thing in the morning. 

So there you go.

I walk like the evolution chart.

I finally can go home.

And if I never see this night nurse again I will be happy!!

Walking

I look like the evolution chart. Getting up is very painful as you can imagine with all this abdomenal surgery.

I start hunched over and slowly get upright.

This morning I'm hangry. I had a yogurt. No food since Monday.

How much broth can one ingest? I'm at my max I'll tell you that. I skip meals. I just can't drink broth 3x a day. 

They gave this yankee grits this a.m. No! Gross. I don't even eat Italian grits(polenta) I don't understand their appeal. Yuk!!

Rick and Laura are coming with some food for me.

Drs were to be here tthis morning. Hoping they say I can go home now. 

I have not slept for 24hrs. They gave me milk of magnesia and a stool stimulator. So I've gone since 2p and still going. It's pouring out of me. OK TMI.

I hope to go home and have a scrambled egg and a piece of gf toast. Mmmm...food.

That's all for today.

Fingers crossed dr shows up this a.m. and I'm homeward bound

__________

Update-

Laura and Rick left and then the doc came in and said I could go home. She can't leave Rick and come and I don't wish to drag him out again since he is so fatigued. So tomorrow morning I'm going home.

I got real food today so I feel better and I'm nicer now😃

From Hospital

 From my hospital room...

I have not eaten since Monday and I get a liquid meal. Oh yum.

All the inerds removed and my abdomen is in some real pain. But I just got drugs so hopefully that will help. 

They have me walking a lot!! Guess to get things flowing. 

And my husband is right, there is no sleeping or resting in a hospital. They come in all night for vitals, blood draw etc. 

I looked at my lunch menu and there is nothing I can eat. Hospitals suck. There are a million+ people who have celiac disease.  There is no cure or medicine. So my diet must be adhered to so I don't get really sick and in pain.  So no food for me.  I even ask the food department is the tomato soup was a can, if so you see I know there is wheat in it. She didn't know. WTh? So I will continue to not eat I guess. Sucks. 

 Ok you don't need me bitching.

I'm doing ok for first day after surgery they tell me. 

Oh and because I rescheduled my surgery due to the stroke I am at a little hospital  in a small town south of me called Smithfield (as in ham & bacon people) everyone is southern unlike Raleigh. All have heavy accents and this sweet woman was talking and I only got a few words. I feel so bad having to ask to repeat. I actually told her I was a Yankee who just moved here and is struggling with the accent. For some reason she found that hysterical (better than offended) she said, "thank you for saying that so nicely. I'll slow down for you. You're funny I'm gonna like you."

Now how was that funny? But hey whatever it takes right? I'm gonna learn southern if it kills me. 

Like, "I'm fixin' to git out of my chair and not cry in pain. "Tee hee

Talk to you all sooon

 

Sunday

I am about to head out to the airport to pick up my Angels.

I was with Rick all morning at the hospital. Last day of rehab. He is so excited to get home. He had speech, OT and PT today.  He likes the idea of a week off before he begins all this rehab stuff again.

He wants dunkable eggs, real bacon and a salad and fruit. 
These are the things he is craving. I brought him watermelon and canelope this morning. He was so happy!

Okay I will be prepping for my surgery which means the toilet. They clean you out, then tell you that you can't eat anything the day before then they tell you that you can't go home until you poop?  How do they think that will happen?

The worst part is if I am in the hospital they always feed me gluten then I get sick for two weeks. You'd think a hospital would understand the autoimmune diease, celiac wouldnt you? But never!

So I refuse to eat the crap they will bring to me. Laura and Rick will bring me food or I eat nothing. 

Here is todays' photo of my lopsided smiling man. He was given a t-shirt congratulating him on his day of independence. Tomorrow is 28 days he has been in the hospital. It's time for him to come home and thank God he is coming home.

Be back after my surgery guys. I really don't know what to expect. When asked they told me I'd be up walking within hours.Okay but when that nerve block wears off where will I be? Yeah, no one elaborates on that one!

See you soon.

Saturday

I am changing my blog name/url.

It has come to my attention that this is extremely necessary.  

So if you wish to continue reading me once I get the changes up and running I would like to ask you to send me an email with your request to continue reading me and I will send you the new domain. 

I will collect your emails to me and I will send it to all who request it. 

My email is on this blog site.

But I see from comments the link isn't working. 

So here ya go...mhugill@verizon.net 

Please state your name and city you are writing from. 

That will help me a great deal. 

In the meantime, I'm still right here. 😁

I will post here until after my surgery then a new blogger name / URL etc.

Thanks.

This above is something I've thought of but NEVER did. This made Rick laugh and asked if I changed my handle to Midge. 

The Bad Wife

Can someone explain to me how trump can run for office?

If you commit a felony you aren't allowed to vote. So you can run for office?

I missed this day in social studies obviously, can someone clear this up for dumb ole Margaret?

Because Rick is doing well he is not as what I call needy. So this Saturday I am not going to the hospital so I can get things ready for company. Buying all their food and booze and stocking up the fridge and pantry for all 3 of them while I'm in the hospital. Guest room cleaned and stocked. 

I told Rick I was probably not coming on Saturday and he said, "Okay no problem, got a date?"  I told him I'm too tired to date, no one wants a woman with these big bags under my eyes.  He laughed and said, "I love a big ole bags under the eyes woman, does she want a big ole baby man who drools?"  I most certainly do I told him. 

Thursday he had an hour before the next therapy and we were talking and laughing but his door was almost closed. A nurse knocked on the door and asked if we were okay. She wasn't sure we were laughing or crying or what was going on. Rick told her what he was telling me about OT and Speech and made us all now laugh.

She said, "Oh he's feeling better!"  

We were given the list of outside rehab that specializes in strokes. Which we think is better than someone who does knee injuries and then a stroke victim. 

We wanted them to have their focus on stroke victims and that is what we got. This is the same reason we would never choose a skilled nursing facility. I've been to one. You don't get much attention, the nursing is not stroke-related, and you are basically left in a chair or bed we found. That is not what he needs. He needs to move and be active to get strong. So we just skipped that whole nursing facility. We also knew someone who went to one and it was exactly as I described above. 

I am sure there are some good ones, but in our experience with friends and family, we have never seen that. Even someone at the hospital made a comment and then shut down. I later asked a woman whose husband had a stroke and was in a class with me and she said, "Don't go that route, my sister did and it was horrific" \So I've been asked so many times by friends and family why we didn't go that route and that is why. Just not the right decision for us. 

There is another bldg on this campus of the hospital that is outside rehab. It listed aquatics. That appealed to Rick. Some of the facilities were so far away I just didn't want to make that trip but I gave all this info to Rick and asked him. He said I am inclined to pick the place with the pool and if no pool, I'd pick the hospital near us. (less than 3 miles and oh thank you, Rick)

Now we are at a hospital called WakeMed. It's a huge campus.  

He entered via the ER, then he was in the hospital Neuro ICU, then ICU, and then a regular room in the hospital. 

Then he was sent to rehab which is another bldg on the WakeMed campus. 

Thursday I called the case manager who gave me the list of rehab facilities. 

She said aquatics could not be promised and maybe towards the end of his rehab he could use the pool. So I share this with Rick when I'm off the phone. He said I'm not making you drive up here on the chance that they will let me in the pool. 

I say, there is a WakeMed rehab facility by our house. It is only a rehab facility, not a hospital but part of the WakeMed hospital and rehab we've been in.  The case manager does the calling to them and sends them all his info and then they will call me to schedule. This case manager has done all insurance issues for me. I haven't had to do anything other than the short-term care that I am currently dealing with.  She's been a huge asset to us!!

So I am thrilled about him picking the one just a few minutes away. Yeah for me.

We both also like the fact that it is continuing care staying at the same hospital. He just isn't living there, just visiting. And they have all his info etc. 

I hope the therapists there are as good as the ones he has now. Nunzio pushes him big time but he's making him stronger. Karen is his speech and she pushes him but softer. Kelly is his OT and she is on his case about everything. She is relentless. But that too is good for him as well.

He hunches when he uses the walker and she makes him stand up straight and tells him, "Hunching makes you look like an old man." 

Rick responded with, "I am an old man" She tells him he isn't. He just laughs, but he stands up straight.  He listens to all 3 of them. They have been telling him that after my final class on Friday, I too am one of his therapists and I have to be listened to. He laughs and said, "That's how it's always been"  Yeah, right. 

But he made them laugh which makes him happy. 

Deanna is what we call his Happy Nurse. She just is so up and has such an uplifting fun energy. I walked in at 8:30 this morning to them laughing in his room. I said, "Dare I ask what's going on in here?" 

She said, "Oh this one just makes me laugh and I love coming to his room. Does he do this all the time.?"  I told her, yes.

She said, "I married a cranky bastard and divorced him. I need to find a funny one.:

Rick said, "I'm sorry I'm already married,"  

She said, "Well Rick you're too old for me and you've had a stroke."  

He laughed so hard he began to choke. Then everyone gets scared. 

He put up his hand and said, "I'm okay"   Then he told her "That was a good response, you'll find him!"  

He has his little tribe at the hospital which is nice for him. The women flirt and the men tease and joke with him.

Then my curmudgeon and I go to the dining room for his lunch.

 A man with a crew cut says hello to Rick and Rick says hello back to him. 

I see that this man can't move his hands and they have to feed him. 

I say to Rick as we sit down, 'he seems nice."  

Rick shakes his head and says, "He's a prick"

WOW, Rick, that was real nice, what the hell is that about?

So he proceeds to tell me about this man he refers to as the redneck.

I listen to his dealings with him and others and then I understand. I get why Rick didn't care for him so I was glad to see he was nice and acknowledged him but I also understand when Rick said, "I don't wish to be around him but I'll be social and say hello"  Good. Please keep the filter going!

He asked me to pick 3 bowls to give to his therapists. So I did and I have thank you cards for Rick to sign and give them each with their bowl.  He has a love-hate relationship with them he said. He is so tired at the end of the day and if he has one more of his therapies he just wants to lay in bed and he gets a bit cranky. He had 5 hrs of therapy today. (Thursday)  

All 3 won't let him slide an inch. That's good because we want him to be able to live his life again in his workshop and his garden, which I am killing by the way. Just living is enough for me but having him stronger will make him a happier man which in turn makes life better for me. 

Gee, see how I make this all about me? Bad Wife. 🤣🤣

And on It Goes.

On Wednesday they had Rick in the gym walking with a thing around his waist and pulling a 30lb weight behind him. He did it. He cussed at Nunzio his PT man. But they both tease one another and Nunzio takes none of his crap. He asked him why he was slowly down. Rick told him, "give me a break I just had a stroke"  Nunzio laughed and said, "so you're going to play the stroke card are you?" Rick told him that was all he had. 

Each week the therapists have a meeting to discuss their stroke patients. I get a report on Rick after these meetings. They normally will discuss any questions I have after I read the report. Today he was upgraded to outside therapy instead of in-home therapy.

They felt he was mobile enough to go to outside therapy but it was up to Rick. He told them he was very comfortable with outside therapy. I'll be honest here - in my mind, I was thinking NO, I am tired of schlepping somewhere daily. NO, please come to our home. But it's not about me, is it?

Rick told them he would love to go to outside therapy. (did you hear that 'damn it' from here?)  Rick was excited to have to go out and as he said, "be like a kid and get a car ride"  I get it. I understand exactly where he's coming from. So I will schlep here about town for PT, OT and speech. It will all be in one place thank God. (At least that is what I was told today)  I will receive a printout tomorrow to see which one I choose. Hopefully one closer than the hospital but if not, it is what it is. To me, it's the fact that Rick is alive. He can communicate and he will only get better and stronger in time.

I got all the grab bars. They are sending us home with a walker with front wheels, a tub seat that fits on the outside and inside so one doesn't have to lift a leg. It also has a slot for the shower curtain so nothing but the patient gets wet and a thingy that fits on the toilet in the master which is like grab bars. I bought him a great waking stick that I purchased for my mom when she was having trouble walking before her knee replacement.  It has a swivel foot that is great for uneven ground etc. She loves that stick!

Grace, a blogger was kind enough to give me a list of things I may need since she has been going through this as well. I was sorry to hear that but she was very helpful. Some things I am getting from the hospital and some I bought and she gave me some great ideas that I may need as well. I am waiting until he gets home. He has all he needs at this moment in time like a walker, walking stick, grab bars, seat for the tub, toilet thingy/safety rail for the master bath as I stated above. It's a lot of shit but if he needs it for a while we have it. Then as we age we may need it all again.

Today his nurse Amanda stopped in to see if he needed anything. She said to me I haven't seen him in a week and I can't believe how far he's come in such a short time in speech and walking. Everyone says that but to me it doesn't seem like a short time. I also think because I see him daily I am not noticing the strides as much as others. 

But it has only been 3 weeks by the time he's out it will be exactly 4 weeks. Is that quick for a stroke?  They act like it is. I don't honestly know. I am certain that each stroke is different. And unlike the asshole that he had to share a room with who told him daily that he was doing so much better than Rick because he wanted it more and he did all the work. He didn't have a big stroke either from what he and the nurse shared, he liked to tell us that often as well. 

Needless to say, that would make Rick angry. One day Rick just gave him the finger when the redneck turned his back to Rick. I looked at Rick and put his hand down. He said he deserved it. Yes, but we don't do that in public when you share a room. Just ignore him.  I said this to a friend and she said, "Well rick would have done that pre-stroke you know" Yes, I am aware of that and I would have said the same thing then too. 

Rick has a regular diet now so he is happy. He ate a chef salad and he had berries for dessert and he was a happy camper. He's been craving a salad so that was nice for him.

Because he talks a lot more we were discussing his first week in the hospital. I asked him when he couldn't talk what made him think of sign language? I was so shocked at how much he remembered. He was talking to me in American Sign Language (ASL) and I didn't remember everything. I understood I'm sorry and I love you. I also understood his signing of asking me if I was okay. 

But honestly, I don't recall as much ASL as he has. He told me he just knew he couldn't talk with the tubes and he thought that was easier. HA, for him maybe.

The nurses asked me when he was signing what he wanted and needed. I eventually got what he was trying to tell them. He remembers all of that. The nurses thought using ASL was a great idea. As if he had a choice right then. He doesn't remember the stroke happening. He remembers being angry at me for calling 911 because he felt there was nothing wrong with him. But until the 2nd day in Neuro ICU he doesn't remember a lot of the first day which I think is just fine. I wish I didn't remember.

I can't wait until this is all a distant memory. 

I'll leave you with a few memes that tickled me.

Nope! Camping is a hotel without room service.

Coming Home!

Tuesday (today) Rick was taken to the rehab apartment on a floor below him. I was told to bring some food so he could cook with OT. So of course I had to be there very early. He told me what food to bring. 

He made an egg scramble with ham, onions, cubanelle pepper, eggs of course and cheese.

She watched him use a knife. She had him make changes if necessary. They both sat and ate.(I had breakfast already) I sat and listened.

She told him at the end that she was proud of what he did. She is really tough on him so this meant a lot to him. She doesn't say that often.  He too was proud.

He cooked and cleaned up. His left hand is still an issue for grabbing tightly. He can grab and feel now but a tight grip is still not there for him...yet. This frustrates him so. They work on it daily. I keep reminding him that 3 weeks ago he couldn't do anything with that arm/hand so be kind to yourself.

I saw he could do this cooking and dicing, but as she said, not without supervision at first.

I walked into his room this a.m.just after the Dr was there. He was told he's going home Monday. He is so happy. They asked him if he felt ready. A loud YES.

His therapy people agree.

They told me he has made great strides and he is where most are in 1/2 the time.

I told him he has to kick ass all week or he stays. He laughed and said, not true but I want to use my therapists as much as I can while I have them. Agreed!

He also got weighed today with clothes and heavy new balance sneakers and found he lost 31lbs. Helluva way to lose weight.

He said I have to keep the loss going. Yep.

Rick gained all this weight after he retired. He did physical labor. He would climb 12 flights of steps with heavy equipment. He was always physically moving etc.So he retires but was eating the same. How many times have you seen an athlete who after reitement blows up? Same with Rick. One can't eat the same without all that exercise. NOW he is hearing everyone on this topic. Only took a stroke to see his wife was right.

☺️

To say I'm happy he's coming home is an understatement. The hospital is sending us home with equipment they think he may want or need, like a walker with wheels in front. Some other things too.

I bought the grab bars and a  thingy for the master toilet for help getting up. He doesn't think he needs it. We shall see.

Tuesday was a good day. He was in better spirits and he did so well. 

That makes my day better too.

Can you say Condo?

Sunday morning at 7am I was out in Rick's garden picking beans, snap peas, and cubanelle peppers. Every day he asks about his damn garden. So, I'm trying as best as I can to keep it up. But I just don't enjoy it the same way he does. I do not find it zen. I find it a big fat chore. I'd rather iron for God's sake. 

While in the hospital, Rick used to ask where I was when I'd arrive at 8am. He was a bit clingy at first. He'd be asking nurses, have you seen my wife yet? Now if I get there at 9a he isn't fretting and asking everyone where his wife is. He is now at a stage where it's okay if I don't spend 8-9 hrs with him. Thank goodness.

I have to be honest I am bleeding. It's the fistula that is causing this. It is gross and disgusting and I can't wait for the surgery to be over. All that I am doing and then the bleeding and the fatigue is getting to me. Running none stop has to stop.😉 I am drained. So today after his lunch we went into the bathroom and he shaved as I watched him. He got all cleaned up for tomorrow. He said he would be ready for them to kick his ass again tomorrow. OT is there at 7:30 to get him in the shower. He showers alone but they wait outside the door to be sure he doesn't fall. Then OT begins. 

It was really nice that he got the weekend off. 

First one and boy did he ever enjoy it!

I think they will be sending him home soon. He has progressed a great deal and he is far better than most there. So I just have a feeling. Besides insurance usually only pays for 2-3 weeks. Unless I wish to pick up the remainder after my insurance or go to my other insurance. In all honesty, I think I'd prefer to use them later. I will see how this plays out for now. 

When Rick and I lost our corporate jobs one thing he'd always say is don't be late on the insurance. We have short-term and long-term care. (long term is for more like assisted living etc) So I think we will be using it for some home modifications like tub to shower. They were telling him about grab bars. Rick installed them for people every week when working. So he knows. This lady was talking like he was an imbecile who didn't know a screwdriver from a wrench. Finally, he stopped her and said, "Kelly I did this for a living. I prefer the Moen bars with the rubber grip so when your hands are wet you aren't slipping and sliding."  

So I went to Lowes and got the sizes he wanted and he insists he can do this himself. I want to call a handyman but I will let him try...maybe. 

She was trying to tell him how to install and he put his finger on his lips as if to say be quiet. Then he told her how they were done. She said, "so you do know"   I rolled my eyes because I was behind her. He saw me though. 

Today I couldn't open a bottled water and he did it for me. So his strength is coming back. 

Next Sunday is the arrival of our first friend. She will care for Rick while I'm in the hospital and then drive me to said hospital and pick me up.

I just want it to be over with. It's laparoscopy as I mentioned and I was told they will have me up and walking within an hour or so of my surgery. They want me to move. I want to move and eat something so I can poo and go home. They will not let me go home until I poop. I find that funny but I get it. They clean you out, make you not eat for the full day prior to surgery and they expect me to poop? What will I be pooping? Okay enough of that TMI.

Rick's original speech therapist in the ICU came over to rehab today to visit him. He loves her but she is the one who put the tube up his nose and down his throat to see him swallow. He HATED that tube and when he saw her he said, "Let me see your hands" She was shocked and pleasantly so she said that he was doing so much better. I told her my prediction was 6 months and he should be talking much better. They had a nice visit. She understood every word he said and told him he was doing well. That made him happy to hear. I think he needs to hear this from others more than me. He knows I'm his cheerleader so I get what he is saying. I read him all the well wishes and comments from texts and blogs. It makes him happy.

I bought Rick some cheap wicking T-shirts from Walmart and a pair of Champion sweat pants. He goes through these clothes and I keep washing and bringing him more. So I stopped and got some cheap ones because he gets food all over his shirts. That left side is still an issue. But today at lunch he turned to me and said, "There are potatoes on my face isn't there?"  

I said, "Yes."  He said with such excitement, "I can feel it." 

Then he wiped his face. So another thing that has come back. Before where his left side droops would have some water drool or food he couldn't feel it there. Now he can. He kept touching his face and smiling and saying, "I feel all this now!"  

I think those little triumphs help his attitude as well. I pinched his cheeks like my Italian Grandmother would do and he laughed and said, "I feel it and I love it!"

All in all on an upswing. He was tired after lunch so I got all his dirty clothes together and a few things to bring home.  He told me to go home, blanche those beans. Dear Lord that man and his garden. Apparently after picking all these beans, I must cut and blanche and then put them in an ice bath, then drain and put them in a food storage bag and freeze 'em. Okay Mr. Green Jeans, hurry home because I am not a gardener. I only eat the food mister!  

If ever I wish I had won an argument having a condo is the one I'd choose. 

As you all know I did not want an acre of land. I wanted a condo. No maintenance. I hope he sees that all this land is a pain in the ass and a condo is the way to go.  A gal can dream, can't she?!

__________________________

Anyone hear from Patti from @ TheNewSixty?  I think about her often and wonder how her leukemia treatments are going. 

Short Video

I was sharing with Rick all the cheers and good wishes from my blogger world.

I took him outside to get some sun on his face. After I told him about y'all he said I'll say Hi on video. WHAT? Who is this man? He would not talk to strangers because he was embarrassed but now he doesn't care and it's marvelous!! I keep telling him it won't be like this forever, look how far you've come from not talking at all?

So here he is.

It's All Mental

Rick seems to have turned his first big corner. Mentally his attitude is more Rick pre stroke. Self depracating, funny, charming to all the staff and they love and spoil him. 

He was talking a lot today. Then he had a hiccup and pointed to his head and then his mouth. I saw the frustration and I said, you know what you want to say but it won't cone out, is that right? He hits his nose with his finger like charades telling me I'm right. 

Just a week ago that would frustrate him to no end, sometimes bringing tears to his eyes. But slowly but surely it happens far less and today he had one for a minute, then he remembered and said, "damn I got it." He laughed. It was so good to see that. 

Then he made a joke about himself because he drools sometimes. The left side of his face droops, not as much but still a significant droop. So he is always with something to wipe his face. Before it would upset him so. This weeks he's made jokes. Some damn good ones that got all laughing

So I see a change in him mentally and I really believe that change has made all his therapies go better as well. Since the change in his mental state they all bring him back telling me he's kicking ass (nunzio) or he is really doing great on (insert ot and pt comments) that was not the way it was at the beginning. He didn't care about the therapy, now he's fighting back and telling me how he beat yesterday's record with leg lifts or steps. That is a HUGE change.

He is getting tomorrow off. Since arriving at rehab 1 week ago he has had rehab a minimum of 4 hrs a day but there were a couple days it was 6 hrs for the day. When his 'classes' as he calls them are over he just wants a nap and who can blame him?

Today he was done at 3:45p. They gave him time in between classes because his first one was at 7:30am. He kept saying how he could sleep in tomorrow if they wouldn't come in to give me meds. I laughed but reminded him that he can go back to sleep because it's a day off.

Then I got that lopsided smile I've been waiting for.

Flashback Friday

Because it's been depressing here of late I thought maybe a funny Rick story vs. Stroke story.

Rick currently sounds like a deaf drunk person. So this will prove even more interesting when he's home and what I hear him say vs what he actually said.

Oh and I got home early yesterday at 4pm. I laid on the sofa for what I thought would be a quick minute before I began to work and I slept until 12:30am. Then I got up and went to bed. I feel good for the first time in a long time today. :-) Sleep does a body good.

Here's an oldie but goody.

Thursday

My hip was out so I told Rick I was going to the chiropractors before coming to see him. He likes me there early but I just need to do a few things personally. Guilt. 

He has been off pureed foods to small chopped up food. Like the meatloaf was all cut into tiny pieces. He has an issue with weakness in the one side of his throat. To prevent choking this is necessary. He got a sandwich and soup yesterday and he said to me, "I guess I'm a big boy today and can eat real food"

When he was drinking he'd begin to choke. They feared it getting in his lungs so he got a sippy cup. He can only get a small amount at a time from it to prevent the choking. I am at the hospital/rehab now. He just left for more speech therapy. His speech sounds like a deaf drunk person.  When I said that out loud to him it made him laugh. He thanked me for the giggle cause we haven't had a lot to laugh about lately.

His appetite is still zilch. He admitted the food was better than pureed. And being off all liquid that had to be thickened until his throat was stronger, was a thrill to be gone. He called it sludge. And not thirst quenching.

I was hoping now that he had food resembling food he'd want to eat. 

I had to get permission for these watermelon pieces that I had to promise on my life that I would make smaller before feeding him.

They also put him on crestor. I don't get it. In April he had his cholesterol done...it was 132! He's never had high chlosteral. So why crestor? His A-fib is what caused the stroke, I haven't gotten an answer that makes sense to me yet.

We have regular Medicare A and B with a supplement that picks up all co-pays as well as any remaining fees not covered. We also have short term and long term care if we need for home modifications etc. Not easy getting answers from any of them. If I don't pay I'd get a faster response you know!

Rick was moved to a private room. He is thrilled. They each had their own tvs, however roommate man liked the tv on all night. It drove Rick crazy!! 

Add the fact he has sleep apnea and doesn't have his mouth piece for him to wear he is not sleeping. He needs sleep to heal his brain and body.

The first week after the stroke RIck was unable to open his mouth wide enough to get the device in and out. We had a helluva time removing it. But he is better in this area and I asked if we could try it again because he never feels rested. I know he felt that way before getting this device. Speech worked with him this morning and he got it in and out so I pray he gets good sleep tonight. No TV 'round the clock and no sleep apnea. 🤞

Rick had a bit of an asthma event in PT. I brought his Rx inhaler but they said to bring it home. I listened to them even though I did not think I should. Well after this event in PT they had to go to the pharmacy downstairs and get one. They also wanted to use a nebulizer and apparently since covid that can only be done in a private room. Well, that worked in his favor. 

I have lousy family but wonderful friends who are coming all the way from Erie PA to help so I can have my surgery and someone will be with Rick. That stress is off me. I will owe them for the rest of my life!!!

Both of us!!

I do have a sister coming in July after her surgery.

I'll take the help. 

I wear my Peggy Face all damn day. I smile when I'm crying inside. I am Rick's cheerleader and I feel it's important for him to not have added stress or think he's not doing well.  But it's exhausting.

In other news...

The Canadian fires have reached us. Yesterday it smelled like a bonfire was happening when I walked outside. It was a code red. Thankfully it rained and we are now a code orange. Not good but better.

Have you all been affected?