It's been a helluva few days here in my little piece of the world.
On Wednesday morning our office land line went out as well as our Internet.
Thank you Verizon Fios.
I had to make that dreadful call to Verizon. You know the one, where you stay on hold for 40 minutes and then get a cranky human. She told me someone could get to me by Thursday between 8am - 12pm.
I wasn't happy but what can I do, say no?
Okay I'll be ready between 8 - 12p because seriously where else can I go?
I asked the phone company to forward our office phone lines to my cell phone so we would not be missing calls.
The woman who was "helping" me said, "Oh you really like to talk on the phone don't you?"
I remained calm. Inside I was flipping out.
I said, "As we discussed we are a business account with Verizon. In case you were unaware there is a recession going on. Business is slower these days. We don't need to miss business calls as well as our customer emails. I don't just "like to talk on the phone"
She laughs and responds, "Okay then it's done. Your calls are forwarded."
God how I hate people.
I called Verizon wireless and bought Mobile Hotspot. This is an additional $20.00 a month.
Once you have this you keep your phone near your laptop and you can get internet service.
Now it is a bit slower but it's better than nothing. So I purchased this and got started.
I figured I could cancel this later. But for now I had no other choice. It eats a lot of data from your plan if you don't have unlimited date but I couldn't worry about that right now. I just needed to work.
At 11:00a.m.on Thursday I got a call from a kid named Sean. Sean had terrible social skills and should not be allowed to speak to people until he learns how to properly do so. He is not a 12 yr old boy. No more leeway here. He is supposed to be an adult. It is so pathetic the lack of social skills young people have today.
(spoken like an old woman!!)
He tells me in his laid back surfer dude way that and I quote, "hey man, I just got the ticket for your job. " (he sounds like he just woke up) There is no way i can be there by noon."
I ask, '"What time do you think you'll be able to arrive then?"
He tells me he is "thinking it will be around 3 or 3:30p"
I thank him for letting me know and ask if he will call me when he is on his way.
He says he will.
At 5pm I call Verizon. I ask if anyone is coming today.
The man on the phone tells me to trust him someone will be there by the end of the day.
I am thinking, "end of the day?" midnight?
I told him I was told between 8 am - 12pm and if you can't make that why do you even bother giving people a time frame?
He laughs.
I boil.
I sincerely understand how a job can make you late. But how about a courtesy call? We do that all the time. And why would this tech have a job before mine that would last 8 hrs and the scheduler make the time she did for me. Didn't she see the scope of the job? How would they not know this? I don't get any of it since this is what I do all day long for my company. We don't have this issue. I digress....
At 7pm young Sean calls my cell to tell me he is on his way. He tells me what city he is in and I assume 30 - 60 minutes depending on traffic.
He arrives at 8pm and he is angry and rude. Slamming doors, muttering, just rude.
Rick stopped him as he was about to go upstairs to the modem.
Rick actually put his hand on his chest. I about died!!!
Rick said, "Listen Sean, I know this has been a long day for you. Take a deep breath and relax a minute. We too have been incredibly inconvenienced and are not happy. Your attitude is making me a bit ticked off. You are not happy to be here and we are not happy that you are 8 hrs late and that you have to be here. So let's make the best of this situation. Being rude to us is not going to make this any better for either one of us. We got a deal?" As Rick put his hand out to shake Sean's. Sean took his hand and they shook it out.
I was standing there with my mouth open and my heart beating so fast. If I had put my hand on some guys chest I would have gotten hit. I think Rick being a big guy really helps me and him. Nobody wants to mess with him. I think they think if he swings they're going down. If they only knew that he is a big teddy bear they'd laugh. Guess it's our little secret.
Sean's shoulders actually lowered after that and he apologized.
Rick offered him a coke. He took it and they both went upstairs and did what needed done with the modem. They went back and forth into the garage and in the house. By 9pm we had everything fixed. Yipee!!
The difference in Sean after Rick did this was amazing. Hell, Sean even smiled.
We thanked him as Rick walked him to the door. I in turn thanked and hugged Rick.
If I was here alone I would have been boiling at his briskness and his snarky attitude.
I would never had the guts to do what he did. Nor could I have gotten away with it.
So today I am back to work without handicaps.
But I also have an interview for a part time job this afternoon.
This ought to be a hoot.
I say this knowing this full well this will be blog fodder just from how it's played out so far.
So I'll see you all next week with some interview fun to report.
I am just glad that this week is almost over. It's been a helluva crazy one.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Ugly Holiday Sweaters
'Tis the season for ugly holiday sweater parties.
Back in the early 90's I went to a few of them.
Always a lot of "ugly" fun.
I am not a fan of sweaters with any type of pictures on them.
I think it is looks ridiculous to see grown women in Disney character sweatshirts or any form of pictures on your clothing.
My grandmother and mother on the other hand didn't agree.
So when Rick and I were invited to one of the now infamous Ugly Holiday Sweater Parties I called on my mom and grandmother who had a bevy of those ugly things. They didn't think it was a funny party because to them these sweaters were so pretty. Oiy Vay!
Since my father has the sense to not wear such things Rick had to buy one.
We went to Walmart and found some really ugly sweaters. Seriously you don't want to spend a lot of money on something like this. It's not like it's a new sports coat for a party or a new little black dress for a party. It's a hideous sweater you will never wear again as well as the fact that you may want to possibly burn after said party.
We found one that had lights that blinked. It was a hoot. It was so awful in every way.
Big ugly trees with a ton of colors and blinking lights.
I must say it's really funny to just see a big man of 6'2" built like a lumber jack wearing one of these sweaters. As soon as he put this one on we went hysterical. I am sure everyone at the store thought there was something wrong with us. Add to the fact that the sleeves were too short and he looked so funny we knew this was the perfect sweater for him.
Driving over to the party we prayed there would be no accident so we would not be found wearing these embarrassing Rudolph nose blinking sweaters!
If your mother thought you needed clean underwear in a car accident imagine these sweaters. We feared they would be laughing so hard that we would just be left to lie there and die .
A few years before this holiday party we had been invited to a Blair Warehouse Party.
For those of you unfamiliar with that one it's very similar to your ugly holiday sweater.
The differences are that it's not a holiday event & this store was in my hometown and I have never seen it elsewhere. It was a polyester palooza!
It was something that bus loads of senior citizens would go to.
Literally, they had bus trips to go to this place and there was literally NOTHING a normal person would ever want to wear. But hell you could buys a lot of clothes for only $10.00.
The invitation to a Blair Party stated that you had to buy something from there to wear to the party. Women could spend $7.00 and not a penny more. Men were to spend only $5.00. (this was the late 90's)
Rick and I headed over to the store and boy did we have a ball at this place.
First of all we were very young in there.
We were the only people there with tie shoes and not velcro closures on our shoes.
Second of all it was all so ugly it was fun.
I got a whole outfit for just under $7.00. (polyester "pant suit")
Think cafeteria lady - without the chin hair.
The fabric I swear could go up in flames if I got too close to a candle.
Rick's money went much farther than mine.
He bought the funniest damn plaid pants, a really ugly shiny shirt and a very wide white belt and shoes. All for $5.00. His pants actually flared at the bottom. His pants were sansibelts or what ever those old man pants are called. They looked like this with no belt loops. The plaid on his pants was far more offensive. His shoes were some sort of pleather and they were beige with a buckle. HIDEOUS! Although this was something I could see my Uncle Tony wearing to this day.
When we got them home I wanted to wash them. Rick was insistent that if we did they would just fall apart. I let him convince me that we would just wear these without washing. The store clerk said these were all new clothes. I found that hard to believe since they sure looked like they were out of an ugly catalog from 1972.
Once again as we drove to the party we prayed there was no accident so we wouldn't be found in these clothes. We looked so ridiculous. We wondered which would be worse to be found in an ugly holiday sweater or these clothes? I felt these Blair clothes were far worse.
Rick felt his blinking holiday sweater was worse.
I asked him for his thought process on that one. He stated that at least these ugly scratchy clothes were once in style. Those sweaters were always ugly. That made me giggle but I was sticking to my answer - I would be humiliated being seen in these clothes.
As we opened the door to enter the party everyone turned to look at what crazy ass outfit is walking in the door. Everyone was laughing. And each time the door bell would ring everyone at the party couldn't wait to turn around see what walked in.
My cousin had on this ridiculous fedora that was the most awful pee green, acommpanied by a plaid shirt and plaid pants with a belt that was so wide, white and hideously shiny.
He looked like a pimp from the 1970's Starsky and Hutch show.
Or perhaps he was dressed by Stevie Wonder or Andrea Bocelli.
We had such a fun evening.
Everyone was saying things like, "I got this belt for only $1.50" or "These pleather shoes were only $2.25"
It was such fun but seriously itchy.
I couldn't wait to take these clothes off at the end of the evening.
They went to the goodwill box the next day.
I actually felt guilty about bringing them to goodwill.
Those who shop goodwill deserve much better than that.
Have you gone to an ugly holiday sweater party?
Tell the truth did you own the sweater you wore or did you have to buy one?
Back in the early 90's I went to a few of them.
Always a lot of "ugly" fun.
I am not a fan of sweaters with any type of pictures on them.
I think it is looks ridiculous to see grown women in Disney character sweatshirts or any form of pictures on your clothing.
My grandmother and mother on the other hand didn't agree.
So when Rick and I were invited to one of the now infamous Ugly Holiday Sweater Parties I called on my mom and grandmother who had a bevy of those ugly things. They didn't think it was a funny party because to them these sweaters were so pretty. Oiy Vay!
Since my father has the sense to not wear such things Rick had to buy one.
We went to Walmart and found some really ugly sweaters. Seriously you don't want to spend a lot of money on something like this. It's not like it's a new sports coat for a party or a new little black dress for a party. It's a hideous sweater you will never wear again as well as the fact that you may want to possibly burn after said party.
We found one that had lights that blinked. It was a hoot. It was so awful in every way.
Big ugly trees with a ton of colors and blinking lights.
I must say it's really funny to just see a big man of 6'2" built like a lumber jack wearing one of these sweaters. As soon as he put this one on we went hysterical. I am sure everyone at the store thought there was something wrong with us. Add to the fact that the sleeves were too short and he looked so funny we knew this was the perfect sweater for him.
Driving over to the party we prayed there would be no accident so we would not be found wearing these embarrassing Rudolph nose blinking sweaters!
If your mother thought you needed clean underwear in a car accident imagine these sweaters. We feared they would be laughing so hard that we would just be left to lie there and die .
A few years before this holiday party we had been invited to a Blair Warehouse Party.
For those of you unfamiliar with that one it's very similar to your ugly holiday sweater.
The differences are that it's not a holiday event & this store was in my hometown and I have never seen it elsewhere. It was a polyester palooza!
It was something that bus loads of senior citizens would go to.
Literally, they had bus trips to go to this place and there was literally NOTHING a normal person would ever want to wear. But hell you could buys a lot of clothes for only $10.00.
The invitation to a Blair Party stated that you had to buy something from there to wear to the party. Women could spend $7.00 and not a penny more. Men were to spend only $5.00. (this was the late 90's)
Rick and I headed over to the store and boy did we have a ball at this place.
First of all we were very young in there.
We were the only people there with tie shoes and not velcro closures on our shoes.
Second of all it was all so ugly it was fun.
I got a whole outfit for just under $7.00. (polyester "pant suit")
Think cafeteria lady - without the chin hair.
The fabric I swear could go up in flames if I got too close to a candle.
Rick's money went much farther than mine.
He bought the funniest damn plaid pants, a really ugly shiny shirt and a very wide white belt and shoes. All for $5.00. His pants actually flared at the bottom. His pants were sansibelts or what ever those old man pants are called. They looked like this with no belt loops. The plaid on his pants was far more offensive. His shoes were some sort of pleather and they were beige with a buckle. HIDEOUS! Although this was something I could see my Uncle Tony wearing to this day.
When we got them home I wanted to wash them. Rick was insistent that if we did they would just fall apart. I let him convince me that we would just wear these without washing. The store clerk said these were all new clothes. I found that hard to believe since they sure looked like they were out of an ugly catalog from 1972.
Once again as we drove to the party we prayed there was no accident so we wouldn't be found in these clothes. We looked so ridiculous. We wondered which would be worse to be found in an ugly holiday sweater or these clothes? I felt these Blair clothes were far worse.
Rick felt his blinking holiday sweater was worse.
I asked him for his thought process on that one. He stated that at least these ugly scratchy clothes were once in style. Those sweaters were always ugly. That made me giggle but I was sticking to my answer - I would be humiliated being seen in these clothes.
As we opened the door to enter the party everyone turned to look at what crazy ass outfit is walking in the door. Everyone was laughing. And each time the door bell would ring everyone at the party couldn't wait to turn around see what walked in.
My cousin had on this ridiculous fedora that was the most awful pee green, acommpanied by a plaid shirt and plaid pants with a belt that was so wide, white and hideously shiny.
He looked like a pimp from the 1970's Starsky and Hutch show.
Or perhaps he was dressed by Stevie Wonder or Andrea Bocelli.
We had such a fun evening.
Everyone was saying things like, "I got this belt for only $1.50" or "These pleather shoes were only $2.25"
It was such fun but seriously itchy.
I couldn't wait to take these clothes off at the end of the evening.
They went to the goodwill box the next day.
I actually felt guilty about bringing them to goodwill.
Those who shop goodwill deserve much better than that.
Have you gone to an ugly holiday sweater party?
Tell the truth did you own the sweater you wore or did you have to buy one?
Monday, December 5, 2011
Monday Cranky Monday
I have a neighbor that I met once I got a dog.
Walking Izzy has made me meet many more people than I ever would on my own.
I work from home and I'm misanthropic so that doesn't lend itself to meeting new people.
This neighbor/woman has a very old chocolate lab that through the help of Glucosamine is now playing with Izzy unlike she's done in years. It's been an amazing thing to witness.
So as we were chatting about the changes in her dog she blurted out, "My husband just up and walked out a couple of days ago." That sentence just laid there. Awkwardly laid there.
Now I wouldn't know him if I was standing next to him. He does not walk the dog.
So I have never seen him. I can't even tell you her name for certain and I see her a great deal.
(I think it may be Jennifer.)
I know her as Cocoa's mom. I know that's bad of me. It's not that I don't care but I'm seriously bad at names. I would bet she can't remember mine either.
So when she threw that at me in the conversation I wasn't sure what to say.
She's not a friend, she is a person I see when walking the dog.
It's a person who lives across from the park so I wave when I see her.
I know she has kids but I don't even know how many for sure or ages.
She may not be a friend but it was so obvious she was in pain.
I could not ignore that. I am not that cold and heartless.
I tell her that I am so sorry to hear this. And that opened the flood gates.
As I watched her face contort with the pain I realized she just needed to purge this.
I was someone that didn't know him so I couldn't judge him.
I was someone that didn't run in her circle so it was probably easier.
I had been through this before 29 years earlier. I understood.
Maybe my husband 29 yrs ago didn't walk out on me but it was a painful divorce time non the less. So I listened, nodded appropriately and tried to find something to say that didn't sound shallow and empty but to comfort. I don't know that I succeeded but hopefully her purging helped her.
When the subject changed she told me that she began volunteering at a no kill animal shelter in Middleburg Virginia. She was telling me about this 9 year old Labrador that was dropped off.
This poor dog was so confused about being there and was very sad. She was thinking of bringing him home but now with everything going on she wasn't sure she was up to it.
I have been unable to get this dog out of my mind. Some shit head family got this dog when he was 4 years old and now they decided they wanted to have a family and didn't have time for a dog so they dropped it off at the shelter. Who does that? What kind of shit heel drops a dog off after owning them for 5 years just because you want to start a family? The dog is part of your family. They aren't even pregnant yet.
My neighbor said that she walks the dogs and plays with them and this dog is mellow and loving and just seems sad like he is in mourning.
I don't know this family but I admit I am judging them. I actually hate them.
If I had a home with a yard I would run out there and get this dog so fast.
Then I want to track down these twits who dropped this dog off and bitch slap them.
I envision what I call a typical entitlement young couple, the stereotype of Northern Virginia to me, who when their baby is fussy will yell at the au pair to quiet it down because it's cocktail hour. (In my 12 yrs of living here I have never met so many au pairs or people who have them.)
I wonder if they should get tired of caring for a colicky baby if they will drop him or her off ?
Gee can you tell this upsets me?
I can't fathom doing this with my Izzy girl. Just don't get it.
Walking Izzy has made me meet many more people than I ever would on my own.
I work from home and I'm misanthropic so that doesn't lend itself to meeting new people.
This neighbor/woman has a very old chocolate lab that through the help of Glucosamine is now playing with Izzy unlike she's done in years. It's been an amazing thing to witness.
So as we were chatting about the changes in her dog she blurted out, "My husband just up and walked out a couple of days ago." That sentence just laid there. Awkwardly laid there.
Now I wouldn't know him if I was standing next to him. He does not walk the dog.
So I have never seen him. I can't even tell you her name for certain and I see her a great deal.
(I think it may be Jennifer.)
I know her as Cocoa's mom. I know that's bad of me. It's not that I don't care but I'm seriously bad at names. I would bet she can't remember mine either.
So when she threw that at me in the conversation I wasn't sure what to say.
She's not a friend, she is a person I see when walking the dog.
It's a person who lives across from the park so I wave when I see her.
I know she has kids but I don't even know how many for sure or ages.
She may not be a friend but it was so obvious she was in pain.
I could not ignore that. I am not that cold and heartless.
I tell her that I am so sorry to hear this. And that opened the flood gates.
As I watched her face contort with the pain I realized she just needed to purge this.
I was someone that didn't know him so I couldn't judge him.
I was someone that didn't run in her circle so it was probably easier.
I had been through this before 29 years earlier. I understood.
Maybe my husband 29 yrs ago didn't walk out on me but it was a painful divorce time non the less. So I listened, nodded appropriately and tried to find something to say that didn't sound shallow and empty but to comfort. I don't know that I succeeded but hopefully her purging helped her.
When the subject changed she told me that she began volunteering at a no kill animal shelter in Middleburg Virginia. She was telling me about this 9 year old Labrador that was dropped off.
This poor dog was so confused about being there and was very sad. She was thinking of bringing him home but now with everything going on she wasn't sure she was up to it.
I have been unable to get this dog out of my mind. Some shit head family got this dog when he was 4 years old and now they decided they wanted to have a family and didn't have time for a dog so they dropped it off at the shelter. Who does that? What kind of shit heel drops a dog off after owning them for 5 years just because you want to start a family? The dog is part of your family. They aren't even pregnant yet.
My neighbor said that she walks the dogs and plays with them and this dog is mellow and loving and just seems sad like he is in mourning.
I don't know this family but I admit I am judging them. I actually hate them.
If I had a home with a yard I would run out there and get this dog so fast.
Then I want to track down these twits who dropped this dog off and bitch slap them.
I envision what I call a typical entitlement young couple, the stereotype of Northern Virginia to me, who when their baby is fussy will yell at the au pair to quiet it down because it's cocktail hour. (In my 12 yrs of living here I have never met so many au pairs or people who have them.)
I wonder if they should get tired of caring for a colicky baby if they will drop him or her off ?
Gee can you tell this upsets me?
I can't fathom doing this with my Izzy girl. Just don't get it.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Indoor Plumbing is my friend.
Over the Thanksgiving holiday while at the lake Rick and Izzy took a walk.
When they returned I innocently asked, "How was your walk?"
Rick told me that they saw a young woman pooping in the woods.
I turned and looked at him and said, "Pooping? You saw a woman pooping in the woods?"
He laughed and said, "Yes, you heard me."
"Yes, but how do you know she wasn't peeing?"
"Oh you know," he laughs.
" Seriously Rick this was just a random young girl just taking a dump in the woods alone?"
He went on to tell me that she was probably out jogging and had to go.
He saw her ear buds in her ears and was wearing clothes you'd be wearing if running.
"So how close were you?" I asked.
Pretty close.
He went on to explain that he and Izzy were headed down the trail they always walk on.
Izzy saw the woman first. Iz just stopped and then looked back at Rick.
Rick looked in that direction and saw the woman "doing her thing" shall we say.
He grabbed Izzy by the collar (she is always off leash down there) and turned her around immediately. He didn't want the woman to know they saw her. She obviously didn't see them nor hear them. So they just turned and walked the other way.
This was early morning. I should say early morning in vacation time.
I don't recall now the exact time but it was before 9am.
Now I don't jog. Note joggers, particularly women. Not many who jog for years have big boobs. No sports bra can contain them jogging. Trust me I have tried.
Besides everyone I know that has jogged for any length of time pays for it terribly as they age. My young gyno who was Mr. Fit &Healthy always bragged about his jogging.
He dropped dead while jogging at age 35.
Two of my friends have now had to have knee surgeries from the constant jogging stress has caused on their cartilage and knees. Walking will do the same for you if you really hoof it and not stroll. So why jog?
I know, I know they get some kind of high.
I just prefer my high from Tanqueray or wine.
It keeps my joints moist....tee hee
So then I began to wonder about this woman's thought process before jogging that morning.
If I were to jog I would think I'd have my morning constitution before heading out to jog in the country. No?
Does she bring toilet paper with her?
Does she feel so comfortable to just drop her drawers anywhere?
Did she even look around or just drop trou?
Why the hell couldn't you just jog home and take advantage of indoor plumbing?
I like indoor plumbing! One of our best inventions for heaven's sake.
So many questions and so few answers.
Rick likes to remind me that just because I don't wish or like to do my business in public doesn't mean all people are like me and can hold it like a friggin' camel. Okay point taken.
But seriously pooping outside?
Then I remember who I am married to and how many times this has come up in my life since knowing him.
There are 3 times that come to mind instantly.
One I have shared with you here. One I will share later that happened while living in Seattle.
And this one below.
On our first date, he had toilet paper under the seat.
I saw this roll when I went to move the seat up.
I had to ask, the first date or not.
Why do you have toilet paper in your car, Rick?
He answers me as though that was an odd question.
His head tilts as if to say, "Really you have to ask?"
But he answered, "Well you just never know."
You just never know what for god's sake?
I let it go. I had just met him but that should have been a clue.
A normal woman would have run for the hills but I did not....my fault I guess
I know if I have to go I can stop somewhere if I do not think I can make it home.
Either way, there would be TP there or I'd use the tissues in my purse.
Where the hell are you going, man? Is what I was thinking however as I thought it, I let it go and didn't ask.
We had just moved back east from Seattle.
We were living in Maryland at the time.
I worked with this weird woman who kept inviting us over for dinner.
I did not want to go.
I always made an excuse. Finally, Rick said that we should just suck it up and get it over with because it was obvious she would never stop asking. So we accepted her invitation for a Friday night after work.
Her dinner was fried chicken breasts, veggies, and a salad.
I was in the kitchen with her as she was frying the chicken in a cast iron skillet.
Now I will eat chicken but I really don't LOVE chicken and I really don't like it fried.
It was not breaded or seasoned. It also didn't have skin so frying it seemed odd to me.
I was standing next to her at the stove sipping some wine watching her dunk the chicken into the pan full of oil.
I mean FULL of oil as if it were a deep fryer.
She put the chicken in her pan of hot oil and fried them black.
But the clincher was they were pink inside when they arrived at our plates!
As we are sitting around the table eating I ate around the outside that was actually cooked or done. I looked over at Rick and he wasn't moving his food around his plate like me so I assumed his was fully cooked. The broccoli was cooked beyond recognition.
It was soggy and not even green anymore. Again no seasoning or butter, or anything yummy to assist this poor butchered veggie.
Just icky wilted brownish green broccoli.
Mmm.....yummy huh?
The salad was by far the best thing about the meal. I felt bad not eating everything but it was so bad man. There was no dessert. Thank goodness. I can't imagine how she could ruin something great like cake!
As we are cleaning up she says to me, "you didn't eat much was everything okay?"
I said it was all delicious I just had a big lunch with clients and I really shouldn't have I'm sorry.
I told her I was very full though. She offered coffee and I said I just couldn't drink or eat another thing. (I wanted to just go home) She insisted we play this new card game with her and her husband.
Oh brother.
As we are playing cards everyone at the table except me has a roaring and rumbling tummy.
It was so loud and everyone acted like they didn't hear it. Then her husband goes to the bathroom. Then Rick. Then our hostess. This went on for a while and they only had one bathroom.
Rick kicked me under the table and gave me that look of "let's get out of here"
I said my polite comment about we should be going and thank you's.
Rick used the restroom one more time before we left.
As we said our goodbyes at the door her husband goes off to use the bathroom
When we got in the car the first thing I said was, "Was your chicken pink inside?"
Rick tells me he was so busy removing the black he didn't notice.
As we are driving from Falls Church Virginia to Howard County Maryland Rick is holding his stomach from cramps. He tells me he is so not feeling well.
Suddenly he takes this exist at the Bethesda sign off the beltway and I asked where the hell he is going. He tells me he is looking for a restroom.
Now we have only lived here at this point just shy of 2 months.
We have no idea where we are but it's 11pm or later and there is nothing and I mean nothing but houses and darkness. No businesses just residential. He whips the steering wheel and we turn sharply. He pulls to the curb leaving the driver's side door open and he starts running.
I grab his door and close it and put down my window.
I yell, "what the hell are you doing?" as he runs into someone's back yard and I lose sight of him.
I get out of the car and get in the driver's seat. He is gone for what seems to me like a very long time as I sit here in an area I am totally unfamiliar with wondering where the hell my husband went. And what the hell is he doing??? I finally see him come out of the shadows under the street light and get into the passenger side of the car and he says, "Get us the hell out of here FAST"
So I take off.
As we get back onto the highway he is moaning and doubling over now in pain. I ask if he is going to tell me what the hell he did back there? "Oh Margaret I just can't right now"
We arrive home and he runs to the bathroom.
He had a very bad night.
I still believe the undercooked chicken made him sick.
It was like he had food poisoning or something.
Several hours later as he crawls into bed I ask him one more time.
What happened in Bethesda when you ran into that yard?
"I had to go, Margaret, wasn't that obvious? "
"Well, where the hell did you go?"
"Let's just say that women's roses will be lovely come spring from the fertilizer."
"Oh, Richard you didn't?!"
"Well, what did you want me to do? That has never happened to you I suppose?
"Actually no and you've known me for a very long time have you ever known me to have to do that?"
"Well, you're a freak."
Yep, that's right I'm the freak here.
When they returned I innocently asked, "How was your walk?"
Rick told me that they saw a young woman pooping in the woods.
I turned and looked at him and said, "Pooping? You saw a woman pooping in the woods?"
He laughed and said, "Yes, you heard me."
"Yes, but how do you know she wasn't peeing?"
"Oh you know," he laughs.
" Seriously Rick this was just a random young girl just taking a dump in the woods alone?"
He went on to tell me that she was probably out jogging and had to go.
He saw her ear buds in her ears and was wearing clothes you'd be wearing if running.
"So how close were you?" I asked.
Pretty close.
He went on to explain that he and Izzy were headed down the trail they always walk on.
Izzy saw the woman first. Iz just stopped and then looked back at Rick.
Rick looked in that direction and saw the woman "doing her thing" shall we say.
He grabbed Izzy by the collar (she is always off leash down there) and turned her around immediately. He didn't want the woman to know they saw her. She obviously didn't see them nor hear them. So they just turned and walked the other way.
This was early morning. I should say early morning in vacation time.
I don't recall now the exact time but it was before 9am.
Now I don't jog. Note joggers, particularly women. Not many who jog for years have big boobs. No sports bra can contain them jogging. Trust me I have tried.
Besides everyone I know that has jogged for any length of time pays for it terribly as they age. My young gyno who was Mr. Fit &Healthy always bragged about his jogging.
He dropped dead while jogging at age 35.
Two of my friends have now had to have knee surgeries from the constant jogging stress has caused on their cartilage and knees. Walking will do the same for you if you really hoof it and not stroll. So why jog?
I know, I know they get some kind of high.
I just prefer my high from Tanqueray or wine.
It keeps my joints moist....tee hee
So then I began to wonder about this woman's thought process before jogging that morning.
If I were to jog I would think I'd have my morning constitution before heading out to jog in the country. No?
Does she bring toilet paper with her?
Does she feel so comfortable to just drop her drawers anywhere?
Did she even look around or just drop trou?
Why the hell couldn't you just jog home and take advantage of indoor plumbing?
I like indoor plumbing! One of our best inventions for heaven's sake.
So many questions and so few answers.
Rick likes to remind me that just because I don't wish or like to do my business in public doesn't mean all people are like me and can hold it like a friggin' camel. Okay point taken.
But seriously pooping outside?
Then I remember who I am married to and how many times this has come up in my life since knowing him.
There are 3 times that come to mind instantly.
One I have shared with you here. One I will share later that happened while living in Seattle.
And this one below.
On our first date, he had toilet paper under the seat.
I saw this roll when I went to move the seat up.
I had to ask, the first date or not.
Why do you have toilet paper in your car, Rick?
He answers me as though that was an odd question.
His head tilts as if to say, "Really you have to ask?"
But he answered, "Well you just never know."
You just never know what for god's sake?
I let it go. I had just met him but that should have been a clue.
A normal woman would have run for the hills but I did not....my fault I guess
I know if I have to go I can stop somewhere if I do not think I can make it home.
Either way, there would be TP there or I'd use the tissues in my purse.
Where the hell are you going, man? Is what I was thinking however as I thought it, I let it go and didn't ask.
We had just moved back east from Seattle.
We were living in Maryland at the time.
I worked with this weird woman who kept inviting us over for dinner.
I did not want to go.
I always made an excuse. Finally, Rick said that we should just suck it up and get it over with because it was obvious she would never stop asking. So we accepted her invitation for a Friday night after work.
Her dinner was fried chicken breasts, veggies, and a salad.
I was in the kitchen with her as she was frying the chicken in a cast iron skillet.
Now I will eat chicken but I really don't LOVE chicken and I really don't like it fried.
It was not breaded or seasoned. It also didn't have skin so frying it seemed odd to me.
I was standing next to her at the stove sipping some wine watching her dunk the chicken into the pan full of oil.
I mean FULL of oil as if it were a deep fryer.
She put the chicken in her pan of hot oil and fried them black.
But the clincher was they were pink inside when they arrived at our plates!
As we are sitting around the table eating I ate around the outside that was actually cooked or done. I looked over at Rick and he wasn't moving his food around his plate like me so I assumed his was fully cooked. The broccoli was cooked beyond recognition.
It was soggy and not even green anymore. Again no seasoning or butter, or anything yummy to assist this poor butchered veggie.
Just icky wilted brownish green broccoli.
Mmm.....yummy huh?
The salad was by far the best thing about the meal. I felt bad not eating everything but it was so bad man. There was no dessert. Thank goodness. I can't imagine how she could ruin something great like cake!
As we are cleaning up she says to me, "you didn't eat much was everything okay?"
I said it was all delicious I just had a big lunch with clients and I really shouldn't have I'm sorry.
I told her I was very full though. She offered coffee and I said I just couldn't drink or eat another thing. (I wanted to just go home) She insisted we play this new card game with her and her husband.
Oh brother.
As we are playing cards everyone at the table except me has a roaring and rumbling tummy.
It was so loud and everyone acted like they didn't hear it. Then her husband goes to the bathroom. Then Rick. Then our hostess. This went on for a while and they only had one bathroom.
Rick kicked me under the table and gave me that look of "let's get out of here"
I said my polite comment about we should be going and thank you's.
Rick used the restroom one more time before we left.
As we said our goodbyes at the door her husband goes off to use the bathroom
When we got in the car the first thing I said was, "Was your chicken pink inside?"
Rick tells me he was so busy removing the black he didn't notice.
As we are driving from Falls Church Virginia to Howard County Maryland Rick is holding his stomach from cramps. He tells me he is so not feeling well.
Suddenly he takes this exist at the Bethesda sign off the beltway and I asked where the hell he is going. He tells me he is looking for a restroom.
Now we have only lived here at this point just shy of 2 months.
We have no idea where we are but it's 11pm or later and there is nothing and I mean nothing but houses and darkness. No businesses just residential. He whips the steering wheel and we turn sharply. He pulls to the curb leaving the driver's side door open and he starts running.
I grab his door and close it and put down my window.
I yell, "what the hell are you doing?" as he runs into someone's back yard and I lose sight of him.
I get out of the car and get in the driver's seat. He is gone for what seems to me like a very long time as I sit here in an area I am totally unfamiliar with wondering where the hell my husband went. And what the hell is he doing??? I finally see him come out of the shadows under the street light and get into the passenger side of the car and he says, "Get us the hell out of here FAST"
So I take off.
As we get back onto the highway he is moaning and doubling over now in pain. I ask if he is going to tell me what the hell he did back there? "Oh Margaret I just can't right now"
We arrive home and he runs to the bathroom.
He had a very bad night.
I still believe the undercooked chicken made him sick.
It was like he had food poisoning or something.
Several hours later as he crawls into bed I ask him one more time.
What happened in Bethesda when you ran into that yard?
"I had to go, Margaret, wasn't that obvious? "
"Well, where the hell did you go?"
"Let's just say that women's roses will be lovely come spring from the fertilizer."
"Oh, Richard you didn't?!"
"Well, what did you want me to do? That has never happened to you I suppose?
"Actually no and you've known me for a very long time have you ever known me to have to do that?"
"Well, you're a freak."
Yep, that's right I'm the freak here.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Finding the Funny
We all know that when you hear the collie bark the saying goes, "What's that girl? Timmy fell down the well?"
Everyone know that is from The Lassie Show even if you are too young to have watched the show it's been in our lexicon forever it seems.
I found it interesting to recently read that Timmy never did fall down a well on the television show. This was never uttered even once. It just became a "symbol" shall we say of the show.
Lassie was pretty amazing and as a young girl I wanted a dog like that in the worst way.
Instead I got Izzy. Oh I adore her. She's smart and stubborn and pretty.
(no I'm not talking about myself I'm talking about Izzy)
But I don't think Izzy could 'fetch' help if I fell in the well.
She'd see a bunny to chase, food to eat, or a puddle to swim in and she'd forget all about me.
She's a beautiful dog who is scared of the flapping flag outside and the boxer dog across the street. But I'll keep her.
In other random TMI moments here is one from last evening.
I was lying on one end of the sofa and Rick and the dog were on the other end.
(yes the dog now can go on the furniture with the area of the blanket - i broke my rules)
I felt something on me like a bug go down my shirt.
I quickly sat upright and began to remove my shirt. It freaked me out.
As I remove my shirt my ever so helpful husband grabs at my boobs.
He begins to tune in Tokoyo. You all know what that means I am sure.
Every dumb ass boy has done and said that.
Anyway as he does this I yell, "hey these don't change the damn channel buddy"
Then like magic, at the same exact damn time the channels begin to flip rapidly.
We both looked at each other and laugh and say, "What the hell?!!"
I jumped up off the sofa and Rick is now looking for the remote.
We were laughing so hard. C'mon what are the chances of that?
Apparently when I had jumped from him grabbing at me I moved and sat on the remote.
Seriously I am beginning to think a higher power is messing with us.
We have both been so depressed, scared and miserable about our life of late and yet we are given these very funny moments. I am thankful because these moments literally come at a time when we need them so. The levity does wonders for the soul.
But honestly I'd prefer cash. Buckets of cash to get us out of this mess.
I can laugh without stress just as well as with it. Even better in fact.
So if there is a higher power doing all this - Skip it - skip the funny with the stress.
Just give us the no stress life, less stress life at the very least, and we'll find the funny on our own.
Trust me on that.
Everyone know that is from The Lassie Show even if you are too young to have watched the show it's been in our lexicon forever it seems.
I found it interesting to recently read that Timmy never did fall down a well on the television show. This was never uttered even once. It just became a "symbol" shall we say of the show.
Lassie was pretty amazing and as a young girl I wanted a dog like that in the worst way.
Instead I got Izzy. Oh I adore her. She's smart and stubborn and pretty.
(no I'm not talking about myself I'm talking about Izzy)
But I don't think Izzy could 'fetch' help if I fell in the well.
She'd see a bunny to chase, food to eat, or a puddle to swim in and she'd forget all about me.
She's a beautiful dog who is scared of the flapping flag outside and the boxer dog across the street. But I'll keep her.
In other random TMI moments here is one from last evening.
I was lying on one end of the sofa and Rick and the dog were on the other end.
(yes the dog now can go on the furniture with the area of the blanket - i broke my rules)
I felt something on me like a bug go down my shirt.
I quickly sat upright and began to remove my shirt. It freaked me out.
As I remove my shirt my ever so helpful husband grabs at my boobs.
He begins to tune in Tokoyo. You all know what that means I am sure.
Every dumb ass boy has done and said that.
Anyway as he does this I yell, "hey these don't change the damn channel buddy"
Then like magic, at the same exact damn time the channels begin to flip rapidly.
We both looked at each other and laugh and say, "What the hell?!!"
I jumped up off the sofa and Rick is now looking for the remote.
We were laughing so hard. C'mon what are the chances of that?
Apparently when I had jumped from him grabbing at me I moved and sat on the remote.
Seriously I am beginning to think a higher power is messing with us.
We have both been so depressed, scared and miserable about our life of late and yet we are given these very funny moments. I am thankful because these moments literally come at a time when we need them so. The levity does wonders for the soul.
But honestly I'd prefer cash. Buckets of cash to get us out of this mess.
I can laugh without stress just as well as with it. Even better in fact.
So if there is a higher power doing all this - Skip it - skip the funny with the stress.
Just give us the no stress life, less stress life at the very least, and we'll find the funny on our own.
Trust me on that.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Thank you Note
I received an award the other day from Daphne at My Distant Husband.
I never know what to do with these because they make me feel uncomfortable..
They are appreciated because someone thinks I am worth an award.
But something about them makes me feel like it's high school and I get a bit uncomfortable.
One must acknowledge it or it's rude.
One must also say thank you or it is very very rude.
So I thank you very much from the bottom of my heart that you thought enough of me to hand me this lovely award.
I will ask you all to run over and check out My Distant Husband.
She has a way of turning a phrase and just hitting your heart.
Unlike me she is very smart and her writing is heartfelt and reflective.
Her stories will move you.
In other words she is not a smart ass curmudgeon like ole Peg.
I'll be back to being a smart ass tomorrow.
I never know what to do with these because they make me feel uncomfortable..
They are appreciated because someone thinks I am worth an award.
But something about them makes me feel like it's high school and I get a bit uncomfortable.
One must acknowledge it or it's rude.
One must also say thank you or it is very very rude.
I will ask you all to run over and check out My Distant Husband.
She has a way of turning a phrase and just hitting your heart.
Unlike me she is very smart and her writing is heartfelt and reflective.
Her stories will move you.
In other words she is not a smart ass curmudgeon like ole Peg.
I'll be back to being a smart ass tomorrow.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Random Thoughts from an old Broad
I saw a heading today online that asked, “Why do airlines keep going bankrupt?”
Gee I’m no Mensa member but I think it’s pretty simple.
They keep getting money to bail them out and they keep doing everything the same way they always have and we expect a different outcome?
C’mon isn’t that the definition of stupidity?
I have been attempting to get back into the work force outside of this self employed work force. Not easy. I’ve been out for 6 years. I’m old.
So what do I want to do when I grow up?
Gee, Andy Rooney has died and left a big ole vacant spot I could certainly fill.
By job description I would say he was just a big ole curmudgeon.
Hey, me too!
He bitched for a few minutes and called it a job.
Hey I can do that!
Could I go on 60 minutes once a week and rant about something thing that bugs the shit out of me? Okay that was rhetorical since you all know from visiting me here I sure can do that.
What a great gig that would be.
Just think I could even do that from my home office and they can film me here.
Business on top and my pj’s on under the desk.
If they insisted I head up to NYC that’s not a problem.
I will jump on the Acela Train and tape my piece.
Do a little shopping in the city with my new paycheck. I can do it all in a day’s time.
I will have to draw the line though at the bushy eyebrows. I prefer to tweeze mine.
If that doesn’t pan out I can always use my sales, service and negotiating skills that I used in my big old corporate career. However I don’t want to wear 4 inch heels anymore, travel 3 or more days a week, ass kiss stupid hierarchy or play corporate games.
Oh hell just pay me the six figures and health insurance and I can say I’ve been there, done that. Doesn’t work that way? Okay but no heels. I’ve been working in flip flops, sneakers or bare feet for 6 years now. I just can’t go back to the painful albeit beautiful shoes anymore for more than a few hours. I now refer to my old style shoes as my “sitting” shoes.
My final thought was that we baby boomers aren’t getting any younger.
Perhaps I should move into the District where in 2012 it will be legal to set up shop for medicinal marijuana. I could make some serious cash just with my aging friends, let alone all the baby boomers out there.
Hip pain? Here take a tote, you’ll be dancing in no time.
Hearing problems? No sweat you can try some of this new weed that came in yesterday.
Trust me you won’t give a shit if you can hear a damn thing.
I’d be doing double duty you see.
Helping the economy, the local bakeries, and grocery stores as well as helping the elderly.
I think I’m on to somethin’ here.
Gee I’m no Mensa member but I think it’s pretty simple.
They keep getting money to bail them out and they keep doing everything the same way they always have and we expect a different outcome?
C’mon isn’t that the definition of stupidity?
I have been attempting to get back into the work force outside of this self employed work force. Not easy. I’ve been out for 6 years. I’m old.
So what do I want to do when I grow up?
Gee, Andy Rooney has died and left a big ole vacant spot I could certainly fill.
By job description I would say he was just a big ole curmudgeon.
Hey, me too!
He bitched for a few minutes and called it a job.
Hey I can do that!
Could I go on 60 minutes once a week and rant about something thing that bugs the shit out of me? Okay that was rhetorical since you all know from visiting me here I sure can do that.
What a great gig that would be.
Just think I could even do that from my home office and they can film me here.
Business on top and my pj’s on under the desk.
If they insisted I head up to NYC that’s not a problem.
I will jump on the Acela Train and tape my piece.
Do a little shopping in the city with my new paycheck. I can do it all in a day’s time.
I will have to draw the line though at the bushy eyebrows. I prefer to tweeze mine.
If that doesn’t pan out I can always use my sales, service and negotiating skills that I used in my big old corporate career. However I don’t want to wear 4 inch heels anymore, travel 3 or more days a week, ass kiss stupid hierarchy or play corporate games.
Oh hell just pay me the six figures and health insurance and I can say I’ve been there, done that. Doesn’t work that way? Okay but no heels. I’ve been working in flip flops, sneakers or bare feet for 6 years now. I just can’t go back to the painful albeit beautiful shoes anymore for more than a few hours. I now refer to my old style shoes as my “sitting” shoes.
My final thought was that we baby boomers aren’t getting any younger.
Perhaps I should move into the District where in 2012 it will be legal to set up shop for medicinal marijuana. I could make some serious cash just with my aging friends, let alone all the baby boomers out there.
Hip pain? Here take a tote, you’ll be dancing in no time.
Hearing problems? No sweat you can try some of this new weed that came in yesterday.
Trust me you won’t give a shit if you can hear a damn thing.
I’d be doing double duty you see.
Helping the economy, the local bakeries, and grocery stores as well as helping the elderly.
I think I’m on to somethin’ here.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Laughter
It's so difficult to come back to work after 4 days of no work.
It's amazing to me how stressed one is and then poof in 2 days I am so relaxed it's hard to imagine my "other" life.
This was by far the most relaxed I have been in a year. It was worth every pound I gained and every brain cell I killed. And trust me I killed more brain cells than I gained in pounds.
The lake was calm and beautiful.
I so love the lake area at this time of year.
No one there except the locals. Very very quiet.
While the locals are what normally drives me bonkers I like that the lake is empty.
500 miles of shoreline dotted with homes and we only saw 2 other boaters.
Perfection.
It was warm. 70 degrees with a fall chill. Sitting in the sun was magnificent but on the boat it was a bit chilly. We bundled up and headed out for a sunny beautiful ride.
By Saturday we only slightly had dealt with the acre of leaves. Oh my the leaves.
Back in our previous lives we would hire someone to do all this. But now we must do it.
The first 30 minutes is fun. The last 2 hrs is painful and we were no where near done.
We decided to bag it....no pun intended.
So we began to pour the cocktails. We drank a lot more than we ate. Is that wrong?
By the time we finished dinner we were 3 sheets to the wind.
We were laughing about everything. Laughing to the point of tears a few times.
Laughing like Anderson Cooper laughed when he couldn't get control a few months ago on CNN.
Giggle Fest.
I'm sure you know what I mean. Laughed so hard that you can't stop.
(Talk about a stress reliever.)
As we are cleaning up after dinner we had a moment where we lost it.
Completely and utterly lost it.
Oh to replay this wouldn't even be funny to you but my God we were red faced with tears down our cheeks and we couldn't talk.
I was putting the dishes in the dishwasher and he was attempting to put some left overs in a Tupperware type container.
He says loudly with utter frustration, "Am I drunk or am I just stupid?"
I jumped on that comment, "Oh hey I'll play that game." as I walk over to see what he is doing.
That comment from me sent Rick into utter hysterics.
Then I saw what he was doing.
He was attempting to put a "bottom" on top of the other "bottom"
I look at him so seriously and say, "You're drunk AND stupid. This is another bottom, you need to use this top" as I put the top on and seal it shut.
He is laughing so hard now as he says, "YOU WIN!! ding ding ding"
Now for some reason that made us both laugh like you wouldn't even begin to believe.
This laughing went on for what seemed like a very very long time.
My sister text me at that point and I asked her, "Are we drunk or are we just stupid?"
Which of course she did not understand what the hell we were talking about.
Her comment back to us sent us into mass hysteria yet again.
Then I wrote something back to her and my Droid corrected my spelling and it changed the whole meaning.
It was about me laughing at Rick and I said to her that I was laughing so hard I peed a little in my pants.
What Droid wrote was that 'I peed skittles in my pants.'
She wrote back and said, "O.k. I guess that was colorful."
Of my God that sent us further into the giggling abyss.
I know you are all reading this and thinking - none of this is even funny.
But to two drunk ole fools that was funny.
Pathetic? Oh perhaps.
But the next time I pee skittles we'll see who's laughing.
It's amazing to me how stressed one is and then poof in 2 days I am so relaxed it's hard to imagine my "other" life.
This was by far the most relaxed I have been in a year. It was worth every pound I gained and every brain cell I killed. And trust me I killed more brain cells than I gained in pounds.
The lake was calm and beautiful.
I so love the lake area at this time of year.
No one there except the locals. Very very quiet.
While the locals are what normally drives me bonkers I like that the lake is empty.
500 miles of shoreline dotted with homes and we only saw 2 other boaters.
Perfection.
It was warm. 70 degrees with a fall chill. Sitting in the sun was magnificent but on the boat it was a bit chilly. We bundled up and headed out for a sunny beautiful ride.
By Saturday we only slightly had dealt with the acre of leaves. Oh my the leaves.
Back in our previous lives we would hire someone to do all this. But now we must do it.
The first 30 minutes is fun. The last 2 hrs is painful and we were no where near done.
We decided to bag it....no pun intended.
So we began to pour the cocktails. We drank a lot more than we ate. Is that wrong?
By the time we finished dinner we were 3 sheets to the wind.
We were laughing about everything. Laughing to the point of tears a few times.
Laughing like Anderson Cooper laughed when he couldn't get control a few months ago on CNN.
Giggle Fest.
I'm sure you know what I mean. Laughed so hard that you can't stop.
(Talk about a stress reliever.)
As we are cleaning up after dinner we had a moment where we lost it.
Completely and utterly lost it.
Oh to replay this wouldn't even be funny to you but my God we were red faced with tears down our cheeks and we couldn't talk.
I was putting the dishes in the dishwasher and he was attempting to put some left overs in a Tupperware type container.
He says loudly with utter frustration, "Am I drunk or am I just stupid?"
I jumped on that comment, "Oh hey I'll play that game." as I walk over to see what he is doing.
That comment from me sent Rick into utter hysterics.
Then I saw what he was doing.
He was attempting to put a "bottom" on top of the other "bottom"
I look at him so seriously and say, "You're drunk AND stupid. This is another bottom, you need to use this top" as I put the top on and seal it shut.
He is laughing so hard now as he says, "YOU WIN!! ding ding ding"
Now for some reason that made us both laugh like you wouldn't even begin to believe.
This laughing went on for what seemed like a very very long time.
My sister text me at that point and I asked her, "Are we drunk or are we just stupid?"
Which of course she did not understand what the hell we were talking about.
Her comment back to us sent us into mass hysteria yet again.
Then I wrote something back to her and my Droid corrected my spelling and it changed the whole meaning.
It was about me laughing at Rick and I said to her that I was laughing so hard I peed a little in my pants.
What Droid wrote was that 'I peed skittles in my pants.'
She wrote back and said, "O.k. I guess that was colorful."
Of my God that sent us further into the giggling abyss.
I know you are all reading this and thinking - none of this is even funny.
But to two drunk ole fools that was funny.
Pathetic? Oh perhaps.
But the next time I pee skittles we'll see who's laughing.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Happy Thanksgiving
I wish you all a wonderful holiday with Family, Friends and of course those left over turkey sandwiches!!
And before you know it.......
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Heat?....We don't need no stinkin' heat
Last Friday I was sitting at my desk and I was a bit chilly.
My hands were especially cold.
Now if you know me at all you know that does not happen often.
I have always been the gal who wants the window open in the winter to sleep.
I am always hot. It's been this way since I was a very young lass.
Then menopause.....hell I'm hot all the time.
So to be cold in my office on the 2nd floor was odd since it is warmer upstairs than on the 1st floor. (sadly enough)
I even have all the vents in my office closed so no heat can blow on me.
I meandered downstairs to see what the temp was set at on the thermostat.
It was set at 64. Normal, however it was only reading 59. It wasn't running.
So I switched it off and then on again and turned it up a few degrees and nothing.
Oh no.
When Rick got home I asked him about it.
I told him I wanted him to do his "manly" thing before I called anyone in case it was nothing.
He fiddled and said that no gas was coming on.
He laughed and said, "that is all the manly I have in me for this job."
Then he asked me if I paid the gas bill.
That made me laugh. Yes, money is beyond tight but we have the stove, the water heater and the fireplace all of which is gas working. So yes my dear husband, the gas has been paid on time.
I dug out my home warranty papers and called them.
They gave me a number of a company to call.
I called the heating company and they told me someone could be out by Monday.
"MONDAY?" was my reaction.
It wasn't exactly summer nor was it freezing either but it was cold enough.
I called back the home warranty company and asked for another company and they obliged.
I called the 2nd company.
They said they would be there on Saturday morning.
Okay I can live with Saturday. Only 1 day away and that is reasonable.
We awoke on Saturday to 24 degree temperatures outside.
I came back in at 6:15am from walking the dog to seeing my breath in my own home.
It was cold.
I turned on the gas fireplace in the kitchen as well as the oven to take the chill out.
Once it warmed us up and we had our coffee we turned it all off.
The day was warming up so no big deal.
We assumed everything would be fine once they got here.
A very shy middle eastern man came to our door.
He had a difficult time looking at us and speaking.
I felt like if I said boo he would turn on a dime and run out of here.
We showed him to our furnace.
Within a few minutes he came back downstairs to the kitchen to inform us of the control panel being "blown out"
We asked what did that mean in terms of when we'd have heat.
He mumbled something which we did not understand.
He then called his boss or so we assumed. They spoke in their native tongue.
He then hung up and told us that they had to order this part and he hoped it would be Tuesday.
I asked what he hoped would be Tuesday? The part coming in or he would return to fix on Tuesday?
He shook his head yes.
I again asked, "Will you be here on Tuesday?"
He muttered something of which neither of us understood and he smiled and left.
I looked at Rick and said, "Do you think we'll ever see him again?"
We actually laughed because we had no idea what the hell was going on and he was so skittish we felt as though if we pressed him he'd have cried. It was so damn odd and frankly uncomfortable. I really feel awful when I can't understand someone. For some reason I feel as though I should.
Look I enjoy having this home warranty on both our homes. It pays for itself in a lot of ways.
This call was only $75.00 no matter what they find or what they must repair or replace.
I like that. However I don't get to chose my own contractors or HVAC.
That is what I don't care for.
Anyhoo here it is on Tuesday and I don't know that I will have heat before we leave for the holiday. I called 2 times this morning only to get voicemail.
I decided to call back the home warranty company to see if they could assist me in getting a fire under their ass. They did indeed help me. I got a call immediately after hanging up with the home warranty people to be informed that someone would be out to my home between 3 - 6pm today.
So it looks like I may get heat for tonight.
Honestly it's warmer now and not as bad as it was a few days ago so we are fine with no heat right now. Sure it gets to 34 - 40 degrees in the evenings but the house doesn't get too cold and I like to sleep in a refrigerator so all is well thankfully.
I'm thankful for heat this holiday season - how about you?
My hands were especially cold.
Now if you know me at all you know that does not happen often.
I have always been the gal who wants the window open in the winter to sleep.
I am always hot. It's been this way since I was a very young lass.
Then menopause.....hell I'm hot all the time.
So to be cold in my office on the 2nd floor was odd since it is warmer upstairs than on the 1st floor. (sadly enough)
I even have all the vents in my office closed so no heat can blow on me.
I meandered downstairs to see what the temp was set at on the thermostat.
It was set at 64. Normal, however it was only reading 59. It wasn't running.
So I switched it off and then on again and turned it up a few degrees and nothing.
Oh no.
When Rick got home I asked him about it.
I told him I wanted him to do his "manly" thing before I called anyone in case it was nothing.
He fiddled and said that no gas was coming on.
He laughed and said, "that is all the manly I have in me for this job."
Then he asked me if I paid the gas bill.
That made me laugh. Yes, money is beyond tight but we have the stove, the water heater and the fireplace all of which is gas working. So yes my dear husband, the gas has been paid on time.
I dug out my home warranty papers and called them.
They gave me a number of a company to call.
I called the heating company and they told me someone could be out by Monday.
"MONDAY?" was my reaction.
It wasn't exactly summer nor was it freezing either but it was cold enough.
I called back the home warranty company and asked for another company and they obliged.
I called the 2nd company.
They said they would be there on Saturday morning.
Okay I can live with Saturday. Only 1 day away and that is reasonable.
We awoke on Saturday to 24 degree temperatures outside.
I came back in at 6:15am from walking the dog to seeing my breath in my own home.
It was cold.
I turned on the gas fireplace in the kitchen as well as the oven to take the chill out.
Once it warmed us up and we had our coffee we turned it all off.
The day was warming up so no big deal.
We assumed everything would be fine once they got here.
A very shy middle eastern man came to our door.
He had a difficult time looking at us and speaking.
I felt like if I said boo he would turn on a dime and run out of here.
We showed him to our furnace.
Within a few minutes he came back downstairs to the kitchen to inform us of the control panel being "blown out"
We asked what did that mean in terms of when we'd have heat.
He mumbled something which we did not understand.
He then called his boss or so we assumed. They spoke in their native tongue.
He then hung up and told us that they had to order this part and he hoped it would be Tuesday.
I asked what he hoped would be Tuesday? The part coming in or he would return to fix on Tuesday?
He shook his head yes.
I again asked, "Will you be here on Tuesday?"
He muttered something of which neither of us understood and he smiled and left.
I looked at Rick and said, "Do you think we'll ever see him again?"
We actually laughed because we had no idea what the hell was going on and he was so skittish we felt as though if we pressed him he'd have cried. It was so damn odd and frankly uncomfortable. I really feel awful when I can't understand someone. For some reason I feel as though I should.
Look I enjoy having this home warranty on both our homes. It pays for itself in a lot of ways.
This call was only $75.00 no matter what they find or what they must repair or replace.
I like that. However I don't get to chose my own contractors or HVAC.
That is what I don't care for.
Anyhoo here it is on Tuesday and I don't know that I will have heat before we leave for the holiday. I called 2 times this morning only to get voicemail.
I decided to call back the home warranty company to see if they could assist me in getting a fire under their ass. They did indeed help me. I got a call immediately after hanging up with the home warranty people to be informed that someone would be out to my home between 3 - 6pm today.
So it looks like I may get heat for tonight.
Honestly it's warmer now and not as bad as it was a few days ago so we are fine with no heat right now. Sure it gets to 34 - 40 degrees in the evenings but the house doesn't get too cold and I like to sleep in a refrigerator so all is well thankfully.
I'm thankful for heat this holiday season - how about you?
Monday, November 21, 2011
Lazy Post Week
Lots to do before I head south for the holiday so I am being a lazy blogger.
Stole this idea from another lazy blogger....and you know who you are.
Things you may know or may not know and generally don’t give a shit about.
1. I have never seen a Star Wars movie
2. I have never seen in their entirety, Gone with the Wind, Willy Wonka or The Sound of Music.
3. I have never watched an episode or read Winnie the Pooh.
4. I am the only living human who has never watched a full episode of Law & Order.
5. I will never see a vampire movie where they are romantic heroes.
6. I have not seen or read Harry Potter.
7. I have never tweeted.
8. I do not have a facebook account.
9. I think Johnny Depp always looks like he needs a bath.
10. I hate the wild card in baseball!!!!
C’mon give me your gasps and comments, I can take it.
Stole this idea from another lazy blogger....and you know who you are.
Things you may know or may not know and generally don’t give a shit about.
1. I have never seen a Star Wars movie
2. I have never seen in their entirety, Gone with the Wind, Willy Wonka or The Sound of Music.
3. I have never watched an episode or read Winnie the Pooh.
4. I am the only living human who has never watched a full episode of Law & Order.
5. I will never see a vampire movie where they are romantic heroes.
6. I have not seen or read Harry Potter.
7. I have never tweeted.
8. I do not have a facebook account.
9. I think Johnny Depp always looks like he needs a bath.
10. I hate the wild card in baseball!!!!
C’mon give me your gasps and comments, I can take it.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Messy Partner
The other day when Rick came home he plopped all his things down on the kitchen island.
He does this and then walks away. He continues to add more things as the evening goes on.
His left over lunch, his keys, his book, his coat went on an island stool etc.
I so hate this. Why can't he just put these things where they belong just once?
So I asked him that very question.
"Well Margaret for the same reason you leave your purse everywhere."
"Rick, you think that is logical? One little ole purse left on the coffee table or in the foyer or on a stool occasionally? That 1 thing is the same to you?"
He is laughing so I know he doesn't even believe his own bullshit.
But he ignores me.
My kitchen island is like a magnet for crap.
I can clear it off and within mere minutes it is all cluttered. Drives me mad.
He opens the mail and then throws the envelopes and other junk mail in a pile AND LEAVES IT THERE. I will pick it up and put it 6 ft away into the recycle bin. Gee that was difficult.
Look I get the whole thing of dropping stuff there but eventually wouldn't you pick them up?
Eventually wouldn't you put your bottle of booze away when you are done?
I didn't want to nag because seriously I am not his mother but his partner.
I wanted him to see this. But then I thought I'm already in my 50's this may not be until the end of my life before he notices. He's getting older his eye sight will only continue to deteroriate.
Can I really tolerate this mess for a long enough period of time to make him notice?
Can my slight OCD issues handle this?
I let it all go. I was determined to make him see this clutter.
I decided to just let everything go until there is not an ounce of countertop showing.
It was such a mess. Empty Fresca cans and Coke bottles.
I do not drink pop so we know who those belong to.
Mail piles, his pill bottles from filling up his pill container, paper from opening a new cheese, empty lunch baggies, his Southern Comfort bottle, his keys, his work folder/book, his work papers, his shipping tape roll from shipping something to his daughter, his coat on a counter stool and the list goes on and on and on. It was a 7ft area with no space and only 2 out of 3 stools where one can sit.
Our recycle bin is only 6 ft away, the garbage can is 2 ft away, the place for his pills is in a basket in the kitchen cabinet so he could just turn around. The booze had a place a mere foot away, the coat goes in a closet a few feet away or on the hall rack by the front door. All so easy.
But no, all his stuff was there and he didn't even notice.
He kept moving his piles out of the way to make room for more "garbage".
I was about to explode but I really was trying to see how long he would go.
I felt it may kill me before he ever notices.
Last night was his apparent limit but only after seeing it for the 1st time.
He came home and told me about a home he had been in that day.
He was appalled of the shape the house was in as well as the homeowners total lack of concern of this mess. He thought it was like a case of the show Hoarders. He took pictures. (I would post them but I think that may be illegal.) He said he was walking on mail on the floor along with piles of clothes, papers and other items. He picked a piece of mail up and handed it to the homeowner. He said to her, "I think this is your mail."
She told him to just leave it there.
So he put it back on the floor and felt so damn weird doing that.
He went on to explain that there were no flat surfaces that weren't full of stuff.
And the place didn't smell well either.
He said to me in all seriousness, "How can people live like this?"
So as Rick is showing me his cell phone photo's of thisdump home I am thinking that this is not much different from my island right now.
I look at Rick and take the pictures away from him.
I say, "Rick look at the island for a full minute. And then look at this picture. Tell me what you see."
He looks at me and says, "Why is all this stuff on the island. Why did you do this?"
I tell him it is all his stuff. I even tell him that I have been leaving it all for him to notice.
He stares for awhile and I realize he is seeing this for the first damn time.
He quietly began to clear it off. It only took a few minutes.
Then he asked me the following question.....
"Why didn't you just tell me to clean this up? Why would you leave it all there?"
My head exploded.
He does this and then walks away. He continues to add more things as the evening goes on.
His left over lunch, his keys, his book, his coat went on an island stool etc.
I so hate this. Why can't he just put these things where they belong just once?
So I asked him that very question.
"Well Margaret for the same reason you leave your purse everywhere."
"Rick, you think that is logical? One little ole purse left on the coffee table or in the foyer or on a stool occasionally? That 1 thing is the same to you?"
He is laughing so I know he doesn't even believe his own bullshit.
But he ignores me.
My kitchen island is like a magnet for crap.
I can clear it off and within mere minutes it is all cluttered. Drives me mad.
He opens the mail and then throws the envelopes and other junk mail in a pile AND LEAVES IT THERE. I will pick it up and put it 6 ft away into the recycle bin. Gee that was difficult.
Look I get the whole thing of dropping stuff there but eventually wouldn't you pick them up?
Eventually wouldn't you put your bottle of booze away when you are done?
I didn't want to nag because seriously I am not his mother but his partner.
I wanted him to see this. But then I thought I'm already in my 50's this may not be until the end of my life before he notices. He's getting older his eye sight will only continue to deteroriate.
Can I really tolerate this mess for a long enough period of time to make him notice?
Can my slight OCD issues handle this?
I let it all go. I was determined to make him see this clutter.
I decided to just let everything go until there is not an ounce of countertop showing.
It was such a mess. Empty Fresca cans and Coke bottles.
I do not drink pop so we know who those belong to.
Mail piles, his pill bottles from filling up his pill container, paper from opening a new cheese, empty lunch baggies, his Southern Comfort bottle, his keys, his work folder/book, his work papers, his shipping tape roll from shipping something to his daughter, his coat on a counter stool and the list goes on and on and on. It was a 7ft area with no space and only 2 out of 3 stools where one can sit.
Our recycle bin is only 6 ft away, the garbage can is 2 ft away, the place for his pills is in a basket in the kitchen cabinet so he could just turn around. The booze had a place a mere foot away, the coat goes in a closet a few feet away or on the hall rack by the front door. All so easy.
But no, all his stuff was there and he didn't even notice.
He kept moving his piles out of the way to make room for more "garbage".
I was about to explode but I really was trying to see how long he would go.
I felt it may kill me before he ever notices.
Last night was his apparent limit but only after seeing it for the 1st time.
He came home and told me about a home he had been in that day.
He was appalled of the shape the house was in as well as the homeowners total lack of concern of this mess. He thought it was like a case of the show Hoarders. He took pictures. (I would post them but I think that may be illegal.) He said he was walking on mail on the floor along with piles of clothes, papers and other items. He picked a piece of mail up and handed it to the homeowner. He said to her, "I think this is your mail."
She told him to just leave it there.
So he put it back on the floor and felt so damn weird doing that.
He went on to explain that there were no flat surfaces that weren't full of stuff.
And the place didn't smell well either.
He said to me in all seriousness, "How can people live like this?"
So as Rick is showing me his cell phone photo's of this
I look at Rick and take the pictures away from him.
I say, "Rick look at the island for a full minute. And then look at this picture. Tell me what you see."
He looks at me and says, "Why is all this stuff on the island. Why did you do this?"
I tell him it is all his stuff. I even tell him that I have been leaving it all for him to notice.
He stares for awhile and I realize he is seeing this for the first damn time.
He quietly began to clear it off. It only took a few minutes.
Then he asked me the following question.....
"Why didn't you just tell me to clean this up? Why would you leave it all there?"
My head exploded.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Monday Random Mayhem
You know what I noticed? Of course you don’t. So I will tell you.
Every time I post a picture of my kitchen there are empty wine bottles all around.
That’s not good now is it?
I promise to post a photo of my kitchen without empty bottles all around.
Yea, like there ever is one.
It’s that time of year where one is barraged with Christmas propaganda.
For all of you who love this it must be fabulous. I do not care for this particular holiday in the same way as you all know from my annual ba-humbug posts.
It makes me want to hide until December 30th.
I am looking forward to Thanksgiving though.
Oh not for the turkey, I hate turkey. Never eat turkey. But just for the time off.
Just thinking about the days of not dealing with customers makes me euphoric.
We are heading to the lake. Meeting the @#$% realtor.
His ah, shucks creepy accent makes me want to puke or punch him.
I don’t understand why men and women thinking acting dumb is cute.
It’s not cute. It’s ugly.
When the accent becomes so difficult to understand both Rick and I want subtitles under his chin. Rick suggested to me that he try sign language and that made me laugh.
Seriously we have begun asking for emails because we can’t understand him.
Sadly the emails are just as bad. He bugs me to pieces.
The accent does get heavier and more difficult to understand when he has bad news to deliver.
As though that makes it better and then he ends his sentences with God Bless You or praise the lord or some such phrase that is inappropriate as well as really fries our asses.
I want to scream – LEAVE YOUR RELIGION AT HOME BUDDY THIS IS BUSINESS!!! Entirely inappropriate unless you know this person from church or know them period.
I don’t like being hugged either by strangers. I extend my hand/arm for a reason.
You are not my family or my friend.
You are a business associate and I don’t want creepy guy to hug me. Is that wrong?
It’s funny he didn’t speak this badly when we met him. Yes, he had an accent but not this thick. And he sat with us for over an hour so he did a good acting job.
Maybe he should be an actor not a realtor. His double negatives alone would have sent Rick through the roof and he would not have chosen him. (for the record I wanted someone else)
The real man is coming through I suppose.
I have always disliked realtors but this guy is so bad it is mind boggling.
When I attended real estate school a few years ago I told Rick that the information they were teaching had NOTHING to do with selling homes, helping a consumer, marketing, or teaching realtors how to work and be successful.
Topics were stupid things like if someone dies who get the home. Or how a realtor gets paid.
A week of how one got paid. No kidding. It was an eye opener.
It explained a lot about why I have never met a good realtor.
But I am not a realtor so I can't sell my own home. I should have pursued it.
I digress….sorry about the rant…anyhoo….
We are taking the house off the market for the winter. And guess who won’t be our realtor?
Mr. Good ole boy. No sense in having the house languish on the MLS all winter when there will be no activity down at the lake. We’ll put it back up in spring and start it all over again.
Unless of course someone leaves me a lot of money or I win the lottery.
I watched a movie this weekend that surprised me.
Did any of you see The Last Play at Shea movie?
It was on Showtime this weekend and it was far better than I would have thought.
It was interesting to me to see how the Beatles were the first band to play at Shea Stadium and it closed with Paul McCartney playing the last song there.
I also found the history very interesting and entertaining.
It was also so fun to see the grounds keeper who drove the Beatles 1964 to the stage.
There he was again in 2010 driving the golf cart out with Paul McCartney to the stage.
It was a full circle moment that was pretty damn cool.
Billy Joel was fabulous. Oh I so love me some Billy Joel. He is my youth.
I highly recommend this if you can see it. If you like Billy and Paul you’ll love it.
It would have been a great concert to see. John Meyer, Garth Brooks, Paul McCartney, John Mellencamp, Tony Bennett, Roger Daltry, Don Henley, and Steven Tyler.
Not bad eh? I tuned in for Billy and it was far more than that. Check it out.
Every time I post a picture of my kitchen there are empty wine bottles all around.
That’s not good now is it?
I promise to post a photo of my kitchen without empty bottles all around.
Yea, like there ever is one.
It’s that time of year where one is barraged with Christmas propaganda.
For all of you who love this it must be fabulous. I do not care for this particular holiday in the same way as you all know from my annual ba-humbug posts.
It makes me want to hide until December 30th.
I am looking forward to Thanksgiving though.
Oh not for the turkey, I hate turkey. Never eat turkey. But just for the time off.
Just thinking about the days of not dealing with customers makes me euphoric.
We are heading to the lake. Meeting the @#$% realtor.
His ah, shucks creepy accent makes me want to puke or punch him.
I don’t understand why men and women thinking acting dumb is cute.
It’s not cute. It’s ugly.
When the accent becomes so difficult to understand both Rick and I want subtitles under his chin. Rick suggested to me that he try sign language and that made me laugh.
Seriously we have begun asking for emails because we can’t understand him.
Sadly the emails are just as bad. He bugs me to pieces.
The accent does get heavier and more difficult to understand when he has bad news to deliver.
As though that makes it better and then he ends his sentences with God Bless You or praise the lord or some such phrase that is inappropriate as well as really fries our asses.
I want to scream – LEAVE YOUR RELIGION AT HOME BUDDY THIS IS BUSINESS!!! Entirely inappropriate unless you know this person from church or know them period.
I don’t like being hugged either by strangers. I extend my hand/arm for a reason.
You are not my family or my friend.
You are a business associate and I don’t want creepy guy to hug me. Is that wrong?
It’s funny he didn’t speak this badly when we met him. Yes, he had an accent but not this thick. And he sat with us for over an hour so he did a good acting job.
Maybe he should be an actor not a realtor. His double negatives alone would have sent Rick through the roof and he would not have chosen him. (for the record I wanted someone else)
The real man is coming through I suppose.
I have always disliked realtors but this guy is so bad it is mind boggling.
When I attended real estate school a few years ago I told Rick that the information they were teaching had NOTHING to do with selling homes, helping a consumer, marketing, or teaching realtors how to work and be successful.
Topics were stupid things like if someone dies who get the home. Or how a realtor gets paid.
A week of how one got paid. No kidding. It was an eye opener.
It explained a lot about why I have never met a good realtor.
But I am not a realtor so I can't sell my own home. I should have pursued it.
I digress….sorry about the rant…anyhoo….
We are taking the house off the market for the winter. And guess who won’t be our realtor?
Mr. Good ole boy. No sense in having the house languish on the MLS all winter when there will be no activity down at the lake. We’ll put it back up in spring and start it all over again.
Unless of course someone leaves me a lot of money or I win the lottery.
I watched a movie this weekend that surprised me.
Did any of you see The Last Play at Shea movie?
It was on Showtime this weekend and it was far better than I would have thought.
It was interesting to me to see how the Beatles were the first band to play at Shea Stadium and it closed with Paul McCartney playing the last song there.
I also found the history very interesting and entertaining.
It was also so fun to see the grounds keeper who drove the Beatles 1964 to the stage.
There he was again in 2010 driving the golf cart out with Paul McCartney to the stage.
It was a full circle moment that was pretty damn cool.
Billy Joel was fabulous. Oh I so love me some Billy Joel. He is my youth.
I highly recommend this if you can see it. If you like Billy and Paul you’ll love it.
It would have been a great concert to see. John Meyer, Garth Brooks, Paul McCartney, John Mellencamp, Tony Bennett, Roger Daltry, Don Henley, and Steven Tyler.
Not bad eh? I tuned in for Billy and it was far more than that. Check it out.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Lessons
Long ago and far away when I was a young gal I learned the hard way that if I asked Rick to do something that I must specify exactly when I wanted this completed.
For example. If I were to say, “Rick can you please take these wine bottles out to the recycle bin?”
He actually hears, “Rick take these out to the recycle bin baby whenever your little heart desires. I only tell you this to hear myself speak. You can continue to let them sit on the kitchen island like centerpieces for all I care. No hurry my big strong handsome man.”
When I would see the bottles later still sitting on the island I would innocently ask why he didn’t take them out. His response was always the same, “You didn’t say I had to do it right now.”
Why the hell would I ask you now if I wanted it done days/weeks/months from now?
I was cleaning up the kitchen right then. I assumed that would be implied.
Oh silly me!
So we made a deal from that point on I would always state exactly when I wanted something done.
Examples, “Rick would you please take these out to the recycle bin tonight.”
“Rick will you please put that ladder back in the garage before Saturday when the company arrives.”
See how this works?
It was a compromise that had to be made for us both to get what we wanted.
Me, wanting the help and not wanting to kill him.
Rick, so he didn’t have to listen to me bitch.
For some reason men think we like to nag.
Try not giving us so much to nag about. But that’s another post for another day.
The other 2 lessons I had to learn over the years is to ask him explicitly how long something will take him and exactly when he will be doing this task.
Example 1:
It began innocently enough.
He told me that he was going to put up these pendulum lights over the island on Saturday.
Saturday comes and goes and the lights are not up.
I asked him about the lights and he says, “I told you I would do it.”
“Yes, I say, but you said Saturday.”
He laughs and says, “well it’s Sunday I have a whole week.”
Aargh! He found it funny, I found it frustrating as hell.
When he did get to these lights I was heading out to the grocery store.
I asked him how long he thought this would take.
I knew he’d be standing on the kitchen island to install the lights above it.
I would come home and want to put food on the island and me doing that I knew would annoy the shit out of him while he was working. So I wanted to have an idea of the time frame so I was not going to stop him from working. He said 45 minutes to an hour. Great!
In fact perfect timing! This was going to be great.
New pendulum light fixtures in an hour. Almost like Lenscrafters.
I couldn't wait.
I came home and the ceiling looked like swiss cheese.
I made the enormous mistake of saying out loud, “What the hell happened here?”
Oh I regretted that as soon as it came out. Silly, silly Margaret.
He mumbled things I can’t even type here. He was beyond frustrated.
He apparently couldn’t put these evenly on either side of the center light because there were beams there and he couldn’t put the box on a beam – not to code he yelled when I asked.
Ah jeez.
His solution was to have the one in the center and the other two lights several feet apart on either side. It looked ridiculous I told him. The island is 7ft long. You don’t want one lone light in the middle and the other two on the furthest ends of the island. That is hideous.
Oh God. Again it was the wrong thing to say, the ungrateful wife.
Fast forward to 8 hours later and the lights are up.
Oh no, not to code because apparently after 8 hrs it was no longer as important to him they be to code as they were to being done!
They were up and they looked great, with the exception of the other 8 holes all around them. I didn’t dare ask when he thought he’d fill those holes in. I knew better at this point.
I just thanked him and shut the hell up. That along with bringing him several strong drinks in a row and showing him cleavage….that always seems to help.
Example 2:
We bought bathroom mosaic tile to redo the shower and as an accent around the Jacuzzi tub because we had already won the porcelain tile for the floor. So we figured let’s remodel our master bath. He refused to hire someone when he said he could do this himself. It was an easy job he explained. That was 2 ½ years ago and it’s not finished. The shower is completed and it looks great the rest of the room not so much. If you listen closely you can hear me scream from where you live.
When he told me it would be done in September I made the mistake of not asking which September.
Big Lesson learned!!
For example. If I were to say, “Rick can you please take these wine bottles out to the recycle bin?”
He actually hears, “Rick take these out to the recycle bin baby whenever your little heart desires. I only tell you this to hear myself speak. You can continue to let them sit on the kitchen island like centerpieces for all I care. No hurry my big strong handsome man.”
When I would see the bottles later still sitting on the island I would innocently ask why he didn’t take them out. His response was always the same, “You didn’t say I had to do it right now.”
Why the hell would I ask you now if I wanted it done days/weeks/months from now?
I was cleaning up the kitchen right then. I assumed that would be implied.
Oh silly me!
So we made a deal from that point on I would always state exactly when I wanted something done.
Examples, “Rick would you please take these out to the recycle bin tonight.”
“Rick will you please put that ladder back in the garage before Saturday when the company arrives.”
See how this works?
It was a compromise that had to be made for us both to get what we wanted.
Me, wanting the help and not wanting to kill him.
Rick, so he didn’t have to listen to me bitch.
For some reason men think we like to nag.
Try not giving us so much to nag about. But that’s another post for another day.
The other 2 lessons I had to learn over the years is to ask him explicitly how long something will take him and exactly when he will be doing this task.
Example 1:
It began innocently enough.
He told me that he was going to put up these pendulum lights over the island on Saturday.
Saturday comes and goes and the lights are not up.
I asked him about the lights and he says, “I told you I would do it.”
“Yes, I say, but you said Saturday.”
He laughs and says, “well it’s Sunday I have a whole week.”
Aargh! He found it funny, I found it frustrating as hell.
When he did get to these lights I was heading out to the grocery store.
I asked him how long he thought this would take.
I knew he’d be standing on the kitchen island to install the lights above it.
I would come home and want to put food on the island and me doing that I knew would annoy the shit out of him while he was working. So I wanted to have an idea of the time frame so I was not going to stop him from working. He said 45 minutes to an hour. Great!
In fact perfect timing! This was going to be great.
New pendulum light fixtures in an hour. Almost like Lenscrafters.
I couldn't wait.
I came home and the ceiling looked like swiss cheese.
I made the enormous mistake of saying out loud, “What the hell happened here?”
Oh I regretted that as soon as it came out. Silly, silly Margaret.
He mumbled things I can’t even type here. He was beyond frustrated.
He apparently couldn’t put these evenly on either side of the center light because there were beams there and he couldn’t put the box on a beam – not to code he yelled when I asked.
Ah jeez.
His solution was to have the one in the center and the other two lights several feet apart on either side. It looked ridiculous I told him. The island is 7ft long. You don’t want one lone light in the middle and the other two on the furthest ends of the island. That is hideous.
Oh God. Again it was the wrong thing to say, the ungrateful wife.
Fast forward to 8 hours later and the lights are up.
Oh no, not to code because apparently after 8 hrs it was no longer as important to him they be to code as they were to being done!
They were up and they looked great, with the exception of the other 8 holes all around them. I didn’t dare ask when he thought he’d fill those holes in. I knew better at this point.
I just thanked him and shut the hell up. That along with bringing him several strong drinks in a row and showing him cleavage….that always seems to help.
(ta da! the lights - please ignore the clutter!)
So now when he is doing a project and I ask how long it will take.
I take his answer and multiply by 32 and divide by 4 and it’s usually pretty darn close.Example 2:
We bought bathroom mosaic tile to redo the shower and as an accent around the Jacuzzi tub because we had already won the porcelain tile for the floor. So we figured let’s remodel our master bath. He refused to hire someone when he said he could do this himself. It was an easy job he explained. That was 2 ½ years ago and it’s not finished. The shower is completed and it looks great the rest of the room not so much. If you listen closely you can hear me scream from where you live.
When he told me it would be done in September I made the mistake of not asking which September.
Big Lesson learned!!
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