Tuesday

As I have repeated ad nauseum here Mondays are a tough day for me.

2-3 days after the chemo pills I feel like crap. Monday I was mostly horizontal in all rooms of the house.

Rick reminded me that when I was 29 and I got myself so shit-faced on vodka that I slept on the bathroom floor and my sister who I lived with at the time, put a towel under my head and a blanket over me. (never drank vodka again for 30 years)

He told me to think of it like that, the same thing really. 

"Not really Rick, and without the fun happening first. "

Oh, you want everything don't you? he said to me. I do indeed. I laugh. "

Today I was determined to plow through. I saw that Rick was going to mow the lawn before it got too hot out. It's that time of year now. All things are done in the early morning due to the heat. 

He began to mow and I got the weed wacker and trimmer and thought I'd do my part. But my side effects had other plans. I did most of the yard with some dizziness. I would stop and just stand there until it passed as one does. Then I got to the "ditch" as I refer to it. We are a corner lot and there is a dip from the street to our yard. Rick can't get all of that area we call the "ditch" so I use the weed wacker. 

Today as I was standing on the top ledge of this I got very wobbly. 

I stopped and moved to the bottom thinking it may be better. 

Oh nope, the earth is still moving. I sat on the hill for a minute. 

Okay let's try this again, I got so lightheaded I sat down as fast as I could without falling.

I got up when feeling a bit more steadfast and walked back to the house. 

I realized that I have already fallen and I'm still limping on a bad ankle and foot. I do not need to fall again. I got myself inside and poured a glass of ice water and sat for a minute. 

Now poor Rick was finishing up and did not see me outside or see me go inside either. I brought the weed wacker onto the back porch because I assumed I just needed to sit a bit and I'd finish what I was doing. 

Rick went into the garage and didn't see the weed wacker where it is put, or the battery in the charger so now he panicked. The poor man did not see it on the porch and didn't look there - I mean why would he?

Rick now begins to walk our property first by the "ditch" to make sure I wasn't in it. When he is telling me this I am laughing but God love him that had to be scary for a minute. He has walked around the house and then comes in the front door instead of the back where the weed wacker is sitting on the back porch. 

He walks in and sees me immediately and says, "Oh my God you're okay!"  

"Of course I am, why wouldn't I be?"

Then he explained and we had a good chuckle.  

I told him I'd have held my hand up so he could have seen me. 

He laughed and said, "well on that corner I thought maybe someone would at least honk"  That made me laugh too. Yes, that would be - "hey she fell down and can't get up honk" 

Honestly, the dizziness is getting old. But it is what it is isn't it?

I will admit that when I told my doctor some side effects I was having he said he could switch the pills to try another. Nope. 

The devil you know is sometimes better than the devil you don't know. 

Right now I have hair. If we change I may not. Right now the vomiting is for the most part done. I may not have that either if I switch. So there are a lot of things I think best to leave alone. But August can't come soon enough. 

I am going to beg like you've never seen me beg to not continue this any longer. I can't do this for a full year.

I just can't. I don't want to either. 

Okay, enough of that shit.

I'm going to ask my readers if any of you know the answer to this. 

I have seen a few different answers on Google. 

I have a Prime Account. I want to watch a movie I see on prime and I choose it. Then it tells me I have to pay. WTH is that about?

Why are some free and some aren't?

I've read where they asked if it a show on another channel that wasn't Prime?  

Yes.

Then you must have a subscription to that channel.

I do. (showtime)

Then you should get it for free.

But I don't.

Then I read in another article that wasn't true.

Obviously.

Does anyone have an idea?

The show if that helps is an old one called The Big C.

Laura Linney, and Oliver Platt to name a few.

It was a Showtime Series. 4 seasons I believe.

I know you're all smarter than me so any input would be helpful.

I had one of these and 11 minutes is not far off and with no heat!

This is my husband's annoying daily habit!!

 

Yeah, still grieving.