Grace, Jean, Paul, and Ami to name the ones I remember. I'm reading you all but the comments are giving me grief and I don't know why.
____________
Last night Rick made himself a bowl of vanilla ice cream with a raspberry swirl.
It's a new ice cream company he discovered out of Oregon called Tillanook I believe. It was very good ice cream he reported.
He asked if I wanted a bowl. Hmmm...
Yes, I want a bowl but no don't make me a bowl.
Rick looked at me and said, "I hate when you are starving yourself. I like fun Peggy who eats, drinks, and laughs with me.
I'm still here I am just choosing not to eat.
But your weight isn't about the eating so let it go - I love you any size.
HA, you say that but when I am a complete weeble you may not feel the same.
Do you at least want a taste?
Again, no thank you.
My God he is an enabler.
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We were humming to the commercial the other day and I realized something.
When I was a kid all the music in commercials was old people music.
You know like while in the grocery store or the elevator.
But now the commercials are rock and roll and I find myself humming away.
Just like the day in the grocery store when a favorite Bon Jovi song was playing, Wanted Dead or Alive. I found myself singing down the aisle.
Well, it occurred to me as I was tapping along with a BMW commercial with AC/DC playing Thunder Road, I realized they are still playing old people music on commercials. It is just now I am the old person.
I did not like that realization. Damn, I'm old.
________________
I spoke to my specialist yesterday.
I indeed have CIRS. This treatment has been known to take 7mo-1yr.
Yipee.
But the worst part for me is the money.
It is $600 for this other specialist I was sent to see. $600 for 2 hrs of his friggin' time. God how I hate this. This step is the final one with doctors that is.
Then they wish to send someone to my home to find the culprit. With their meters etc. That starts at 2400. No, I can't do this.
We have a pile of things that are a priority to this. It should not have to cost me all this money to get well and it makes me so damn angry.
But I learned how I got this and why. Part of this is a gene that is defective and while it makes perfect sense when listening to him and his youtube talks on this it makes sense, I, however, can't repeat it and sound the least bit intelligent.
I may have been bitten by a spider, deer tick, mold etc. The bottom line is when it goes on this long that usually happens with only 20% of the people. Meaning others get well from their treatment and some 20% don't. They never understood why. In the last 2 decades on further testing, they found that all these people had an autoimmune disorder either diagnosed or undiagnosed and they will only get worse as time goes on. This 20% they have found has this one gene defect shall we call it and apparently, I am lucky and have that.
Why the hell can't I be that exception and win the lottery? Of course not.
The protocols include all this shitty stuff I'm doing now. I hate these meds and grainy shit I put in water to drink. It is gag worthy!
I will find out the rest when I talk to $600 dollar doctor man on the 2nd of Sept.
I tried to explain this all to Rick and he got some of it and then I sent him to watch him on youtube. He gets it and I am thankful.
The intake person yesterday told me that a woman who now works for them was like me. Her husband thought it was all in her head and was going to divorce her. She was sick all the time. Then when she was telling the doctor this he called her husband. The doctor was angry and told him everything. They are still married, she is now healthier than ever in her life and weight fell off her. (from her mouth to god's ear for me) Then she got a job there. This specialist is in Chicago.
I was told that there are 40million + with CIRS. That is way too many.
Because the symptoms are all over the place everyone goes from doctor to doctor and nothing gets fixed. Yep. I am aware. Most never get a diagnosis. This affects your brain (the inflammation) and truth be told that is what causes Alzheimers so I want to get this fixed before I have to worry about that.
She also asked how I can work so many hours and do so much.
I honestly don't get the question.
Is there another choice that I am unaware of?
I have to work, things have to get done so I do them. I can't go to bed because of pain and mind-numbing fatigue. If I did that I would never get out of bed. And truth be told it was far harder when I was a senior sales executive and traveling all the time. There were days that I was in so much pain and walking around Manhattan in heels and eating ibuprofen like Pez.
I guess I am stronger than I thought and as stubborn as I know, so I move forward / power through it all I guess. I don't know why that is a question. It is what needs to be done. Or my bed would be at a homeless shelter. Besides when every doctor tells you nothing is wrong with you then you have to make a decision to either collapse and give up or power through and make a life. I chose the latter.
Rick knows when it's really a bad day. And when I have that day he always picks up the slack and like earlier this week he told me to just go to bed. I didn't feel like eating dinner. I just was in that state that he is aware of. I looked at him and said, "you know I think I'm going to. I'm sorry." I took a hot shower and climbed into bed. I took a couple of CBD's and turned on TV. Rick text me and asked if I wanted anything. He makes me laugh. I had only been upstairs for 45 minutes. Nope don't need anything. I watched some TV and fell asleep until 6am. It was wonderful. He even took the dog at 5:30. I woke up feeling better so it was just one of the debilitating days and they pass. I mean to tell you I am in pain every day and while I have never talked about that here until recently I don't want sympathy. I am going to get through this. People have things far worse than me, like Alzheimer's, ALS, Parkinson's, cancer, etc. This is just a test I have to go through for some reason. If there is a lesson I hope I find it. :-)
I have a piece of art I LOVE on the wall that I think applies here.
(We Tend To Seek Happiness When Happiness is Actually a Choice.)
I choose happiness, lightness, and humor. I do think that has served me well during this ordeal. And when I forget this I crumble and bitch on my blog.
😁
16 comments:
I'll never forget, a few years back, shopping at the grocery store and hearing "Don't Fear the Reaper" playing in-store. Not a muzak version, but Blue Oyster Cult. And I think it was a music service or something; not a radio station, which made it funnier to me.
Hope you can get some help and/or pain relief!
bluzdude, YES! exactly the same with Bon Jovi in the grocery store. It wasn't muzak it was the real song. Have a great weekend.
Well, that really sucks the big one, Peg. I would suggest you move down here to New Mexico, where mold is not a common thing, because the sun is so intense and the air is so dry that the only your bathroom or worse yet, a water leak, is one of the few places molds can grow. I know you can't :-) And we do have spiders and other critters that can cause real problems (like the nest of Black Widow spiders I found in the dogs house, ewwww!)
I came to the realization that the "old people" music is MY music when I was in an elevator....I don't remember, I think it was a Beatles song. I laughed with delight that I will doubtfully experience rap music on an elevator, haha.
Wow, $600 for two hours of the doctor's time. I"m still trying to wrap my head around that. Hope insurance covers some of that and that you get some relief from the pain.
Tillamook is pretty, pretty good. They are based in Oregon, which is our neighbor to the west, so we eat a lot of their stuff. Pretty darn good cheese as well. I am sorry that you are hurting but I hope the road to recovery gets you to where you need to be. I like you art as well. Most people forget that about happiness.
Tillamook food products are pretty good. But the TOWN of Tillamook smells like cow shit.
I'm really sorry you're going through this. It sounds awful.
((hugs))
Bluzdude, was it by chance the In-Store Audio Network? I hear that one at Safeway. I recently did a post on my blog how songs that never seem to be on the radio anymore now get played at grocery stores.
Well I know the 6 mo to a year seems horrid and the price is obscene but at least it does have an end time. Maybe your insurance would cover the meters since it won't the doctors.
Girl, if I win the lottery--I play all the time--you have got what you need.
I am sending the link to this post to my friend Julie.
Well I'm glad you finally know. For me, just know makes it easier to cope. I said easier, not easy. If they can just get some of the problems under control you might have the energy to battle the others. My thoughts are with you when it comes to doctor bills. It is time for insurance for all. I know doctors go to school forever and pay a kajillion dollars for schooling and practice but health protection should not be a money-making business. I'm sure I'm breaching to the band when it comes to you.
The end.
Happiness is a choice -- what a great attitude. I wish you well.
Hugs my sweet friend♥
Well MPP too, glad you have a diagnosis, sucks that it's going to be so expensive to get things rolling though. Is Medicare too far off to be of any help?
And yes - I've noticed the shift in background music tending towards what we all listened to years ago. Just takes some people time to realize what the really good music is! Now if they'd start playing more Zydeco we'd all be dancing in the aisles at the grocery store!
Ami, well cows are where the milk and cream come from so it makes sense. 😉
Barbara, yes, it does help to know we have a plan in place.🤞
Brian these doctors do not take Medicare of any type of insurance. All is self pay. That is all my doctors now. Its crazy!!
Jean, no insurance is taken. As I have stated here it is difficult to find drs that take insurance or Medicare or both. This is all out of pocket.
Mr.Shife we love good ice cream. Not Breyers. So seeing this in the store for the first time he thought let's try it. Sounds like we will be getting more😄
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