Names

BootsandBraids has a way of naming her neighbors in her 55+ community that reminds me so much of my husband.
The problem that happens when Rick does this I forget their real names if I ever knew them.

We had a family who lives across the street from us since we moved here.
He calls them the dirtbags. Oh, that sounds mean, but it is a Jerry Springer show over there. The police are there so often it seems they live there. We don't have occasion to speak with them and when you do it is always awful.
A woman lives in the home with her boyfriend and their baby as well as her husband and their kids. The children ages range from 20+ to 4 and they are always dirty, the boys look like they are on their way to jail, the young girls barely dress. The mother stands out there and yells at them with foul language. Last week she screamed out a window to one of her children and their friends that were across the street. It was a scream of obscenities. I once asked if it was possible for her to move the bus she parked at the corner so that we could see around the corner and she told me to fuck off.
Okay then, the bus stays.

The names around us are -
The Narcissist
The Perfect Family
The Chickadee
Tulip Boy
Horse Mama
Lisp
Secret Agent Man

I think for the most part they are easy to understand.
The Narcissist is well, very self-consumed. (Batshit crazy too)

The Perfect Family is just that. Mom and Dad look like Barbie and Ken. Both extremely buff, tan and good looking. As nice as can be too. They have a boy and a girl. Smart, athletic and both got scholarships. They are polite and kind and never seemed like teenagers. He was a detective within DC Police and she was a high school teacher. They were active in the community as well as politically. When I met them their kids were playing with Izzy.  I said to Rick, they are like a picture of a family you would see in a movie or magazine.
So Rick named them. We were invited to their home one day for cocktails. We had a ball.  Rick told them how I can never remember names and once when he told me that Jan was getting a dog but I didn't know who he was talking about. He then said, 'The mom in the perfect family.' They laughed. He explained further and they now were howling. They said, well it may look perfect but we are anything but. I said, "Oh I understand but I just see you 4 beautiful people with the perfect yard and you even run 5 miles and at the end when I see you, you look so pretty. I don't know how you do it."  Oh, we had some good laughs. They signed their Xmas card, The Perfect Family. I don't care what they say, they are to me. They even all marched together during the Women's March. We should have named them the nicest neighbors because they were that too.

The chickadee is a woman who lives alone and walks her dog in high heels.
She seems friendly and nice but that is all we know, we don't even know her real name. We always smile and nod and move on. She wears a ton of cologne too. I can smell her before I see her.

Tulip Boy puts signs up around his tulips each year. "Do not have your kids or your dogs trample my tulips!" He even has a camera there. Izzy likes to poop near his townhome. I know it drives him mad but he is next to woods and that is not his property. He will watch us from his window. I wave. He runs. I think he is a quirky little man but he's right, his tulips each year are to die for! And I would never allow my dog to go to the bathroom is someone's yard but apparently, others have done that to him hence the sign.

Horse Mama we met one day when she was getting out of her car in her riding gear and she was fawning all over Izzy. She may have told us her name but we don't recall so when we see her we refer to her as Horse Mama. She talked a lot about her horses and how they were her kids so hence the name. If we happen to walk by her home on the way to the park she always comes down her driveway to see our dog. She's odd and very nice. She shares too much. I don't know her name for heaven's sake. But I know she and her husband's life story. Did you know he takes Cialis? Yes, she just blurted that out. I said, "Okay then. Izzy and I have to get back, I'm still working" and I ran off. Why do people do that?

Lisp is self-explanatory. He lives about 10 blocks from us and he will wave all the time at us as we are coming down the street walking Izzy. The young man always asks if he can pet our dog and if she's nice. He hugs her and loves to pet her ears because as he likes to say, "they are very soft" 
He is mentally challenged but just the nicest young man.
When I asked him his name he whispered to us he couldn't tell us because his mother told him not to talk to strangers and if he told me then she would know we talked to him.  He is so cute, he put his finger to his mouth after saying this and said, Shhh...
We just laughed along with him. It was cute. So when we see him we just say Hi and do not mention a name. But when Rick comes back from a walk he will say, Oh Izzy got lovin' from Lisp today and they were both happy. Then I know who he is referring to.

Secret Agent Man has lived 2 blocks from me for 18 years.
We have only seen him once. Blinds are always closed and the brush around his front door is overgrown. We saw him for the first time last spring because we are certain the HOA got on him about the shrubs in front so he was trimming and cleaning things up. His direct neighbor is our friend JW. She told us that he only uses his garage to go in and out of his house and his car windows are blackened. When she has said hello he ignores her. We don't know a thing about him and it's all so clandestine so we just decided to make a story that he is a spy or a secret agent of sorts. It amuses us. Rick came home one day and told me about a sign in front of the Secret Agent's house.
How else would I have understood where this sign was?