Me? Camping.....HA HA HA HA

The first evening I met Rick we talked about what we liked to do and those type things over drinks as one does when you first met. He told me he liked fishing and camping and all this outdoor stuff. I smiled and nodded. I am not that girl. I only do outdoors at the beach, on a boat, floating on the water, gardening or dining al fresco. For some reason he thought I was joking. Silly man.


Several months down the road in the fall he asked me to accompany him up the Niagara River Gorge at the foot of the Niagara Falls in Canada for camping and a fishing trip to catch big salmon.
Look I don’t even eat anything that swims why would I want to catch ‘em?
He says with a straight face and loads of enthusiasm that I didn’t have to fish, just come for the adventure! He kept telling me it would be beautiful up there at this time of year. Oh brother. Why I said yes I still don’t know to this day.

We headed up to Canada after work on a beautiful fall Friday afternoon.
Once we crossed the border we drove in torrential rains and I kept asking the same question, “We’re going to sleep in a tent with all this rain?”
He would laugh and tell me we’d be fine.
I was so not thrilled. But for some reason Nature Boy was smiling all the way.

We arrived around 9pm and it was already dark….but it stopped raining. Whew!
What Rick forgot to tell me is that we had to walk down a steep hill with over 200 steps notched into the hill – in the dark!  We had to walk down very steep hand made steps that were slippery carrying very heavy back packs.  Not exactly a railing to hang on to.
This is so not me. But I did it. I didn’t complain because I was so scared I couldn’t talk.
We got down to the bottom to the river rocks and I asked what I thought was a reasonable question…. “where do we pitch a tent, oh please don’t tell me these rocks?”
He points to a tiny piece of land over yonder and says, “over there where the tent is...DAMN”
"So there is only a small sized grassy knoll so to speak for 1 friggin’ tent?”

“Well in my defense Margaret no one has ever been there when I’ve come down here.”
“Oh Rick I can’t sleep on rocks. I'm a light sleeper there is no way this is gonna work for me.”

“We don’t have a choice. I’m sure they will be gone by morning and we’ll move over there after they leave.”

I hadn’t even realized at this point that there were no toilets.
For some reason I thought there would be bathrooms. Oh I was a very naive girl.
I continued to bitch and moan as we set up camp. He was silent because he knew better.
I was tired and damp (and not in a good way) so I changed my clothes and just crawled into my sleeping bag and that was all I remember. I literally slept for 10 hours without waking up once!!! ON ROCKS!! He fished after I fell asleep. He came back and slept until 5am and then got up and fished some more.

I awoke to an empty tent. I crawled out and saw him fishing. I also saw the grassy area and it was clear of all people and tents. I packed up our stuff so fast heads would spin. I took down the tent and put both back packs and gear on me and ran over to that grassy area to stake my territory. I set up tent and arranged my “home” for the next couple of days.

Rick came up to the tent and made fun of me instantly because I said, “I can’t sleep on rocks Rick” And I ended up sleeping better than ever in my life and slept soundly for 10 hrs!  Oh how he gave me grief about this.

Rick and I were starving so he started a fire and I began to make breakfast. I have to admit breakfast over a fire was damn damn good. I was the only gal down there and the guys kept yelling up “what’s for breakfast dear…or baby?” Oh just bacon and fried potatoes and eggs. It was yummy. Then we had cocktails. Hey don’t judge, it is 5 o’clock somewhere. We were in another country was our mantra - we can do things differently. Besides most of the folks down in this gorge who were fishing in this whirlpool of water were doing the same.

Yes we drank early and a lot. We laughed like teenagers and I admit I had a ball.
We had spontaneous napping, continuous laughter and beautiful fall days and colors.
I sat on a huge boulder and read or took pictures while Rick fought salmon.

Now I had to pee again and I did not like this woods stuff. But I did it.
But I drew the line at the other. I held it for two damn days!
Rick laughed hysterically that I thought there would be bathrooms down there.
He laughed even harder that I stopped eating because I was not going to poo in the woods like a dog. No way! This girl does not use leaves. 
Then out of his backpack he pulls out toilet paper.
I gasped. I refused. He kept telling me I'd change my mind. I.DID.NOT.

I am a princess. I am not ashamed to admit this. I like bathrooms. I like nice sheets and big down comforters. I would prefer nice firm beds over rocks. I like a roof not a tent that will eventually leak. I can appreciate the beauty that surrounded me and the roar of the falls that were miles and miles away. I loved all of that immensely. The colors of the maple trees and all the other trees were glorious. But I could have just as much appreciated them from a window of a hotel with a nice clean bathroom and shower.

After two ½ days of living outside I was ripe. I looked like hell. When we got to the top of the mountain carrying wet backpacks and Rick carrying a 30 lbs salmon and a 35lb’er we took a few minutes to catch our breath before we loaded up the car. Then I made him drive me directly to a bathroom.  STAT!

Since we weren’t far from the falls I knew there would be “tourist” type stop shortly. 
When we arrived I got out reeking of fish and probably camp fire and general stench from not showering for a few days. I ran into the bathroom and this woman looked at me like I was Sasquatch. (In her defense I probably smelled like him/her/it too.) I didn’t much care at that point I needed to have a toilet and I was thrilled to have one. Then I actually washed my face and scrubbed my hands a few times with the soap and water which felt like heaven. Even that horrible dispenser soap felt like heaven to me.

I jumped back in the car and Rick said, “Feel better Princess?”

“As a matter of fact I do Nature Boy.”

On the way home we had some good laughs about some of the adventures we had.
Rick thanked me for being such a good sport and then immediately said, “Wanna do this again?”

“ Not on your life!”

“Really? You seemed to get so into it after the initial shock.”

“Well yes, it was more beautiful than I can articulate but I have pictures now to look at."
I also really tried to go with the flow after the shock of it all but I don’t want to ever do this again”

"How about next time we do something you like to do?”

“ Are you sure?”

So the Princess took him to Toronto for a weekend. We ate at fabulous restaurants. Saw a great play. Enjoyed museums and the Ontario Science Center and best of all…..we had a luxurious hotel room with turn down service, hotel bathrobes and a bathroom that was like a fine spa.

Nature Boy discovered that he really really liked this way of life a lot!
He discovered thread count and that made me laugh my ass off. 
He kept saying, "who knew?"
"Oh you silly nature boy all we city girls knew!"

But just to be sure he wasn’t getting 'too city' he dragged me back up to that river to camp and fish one more time.