Time

Sitting

Hi Kids.

Another injection for my back is out of the question. 

I called the nurse of the doctor who did my injection. I knew full well they wanted me to wait 2 weeks. But NOTHING has changed at all and I can't live in a chair for my life. So I called them.

I told her I was still in a great deal of pain. Can I try another injection? She told me she would talk to the dr who did my injection and get back to me. I knew that normally you can get 2/3. So I was hoping the 2nd one could help me.

In the meantime, I had already made an appointment with a highly touted neurosurgeon who specializes in all my 'issues'. 

Dr. W's nurse called me back the following morning just as she promised and told me I was not a candidate for another injection since this did nothing to allleviate the pain. She said there may be other options if you'd like to discuss with Dr. W. 

She told me that they both saw in my MyChart that I am seeing Dr. G. for a neurosurgeon consult. 

I said I thought I'd get ahead of the game by doing that. She said you were smart. In fact, I'm shocked you got in so quickly normally it can take up to 3 months. I said, "I begged and pleaded my case"  She laughed. 

But I did just that.

So I do go in to see Dr. W who did the injection but I want a spinal ablation now that I know what that is. I read about Dr. G doing them and I read his 137 reviews (all 5 stars no less) and I read about a paper he wrote on this subject and I read some info on Duke Spine Clinic and this outpatient noninvasive 'surgery' was so effective that most go years without surgery. That is my goal. Fingers crossed it will work for me as well as Rick's heart ablation worked for him.

I see Dr. W (injection doc) on the 20th. I see the Neurosurgon on the 9th of April. So until then, I am sitting. God how I hate to sit.Yuk. 

So the pain will continue since they give me nothing for the pain.

This morning I got up from the damn ugly chair and did the dishes from last night that I just couldn't do.  I ran the dishwasher, did the pots and pans, cleaned the stove, and then had to sit. I sat for 10 minutes and got up to finish. I hate sitting. But then I was done! 

Rick wondered why people who don't like to sit always have to sit. I could sit for days he proclaims. I said, "I know and you have. You could have cobwebs around you and you don't care." 

He laughed and said that he may care because of the cobwebs but he can brush them away, otherwise absolutely no issue with being told to sit for months on end. 

Oh, I know Richard. 

Your Friday Meme's.

I love Sugar!

             

                                 Spring has sprung in my front yard. 

 

I Voted

He listened to me. 

Write the date and time down. It's never happened before.

I say, no cake. He buys the biggest one.

I say, please don't get these for me.

He buys them for me.

He frustrates me.

I would never say 'No, I don't want something if I want it.'

He's known me for almost 37 years now. 

I have NEVER said one thing and meant another. NEVER. 

I am straight-up no chaser. If you ask, I tell you the truth or say nothing at all. For him, I tell the truth. BUT, that doesn't mean a thing to him. 

He will do whatever the hell it is he wants so why ask me? Right?

But this time he listened. What? Yes, he did listen. Must be the stroke.

I said No cake. I did not get a cake.

He came home with 4 cupcakes. Perfect for 2 people who don't need cupcakes. He got them at a GF-dedicated bakery. They were perfection. Moist and flavorful and no one would be the wiser that they weren't filled with the dreaded gluten. 

We voted this morning. 

We were accosted by a candidate's people as soon as I stepped outside the car. "This woman" running for office has a resting bitch face. We call her Resting Bitch Face when we see her on the tube. She is as ugly on the outside as the ugly things she spews. 

Her commercials say the darnest things. 

For example, did you know she fought in a war with the same people coming over our borders right now? Yes, the Mexicans. She said that.

She said it loud and proud.  We had to rewind to be sure of this tidbit of lying. Isn't she a bit young to have been in a Mexican-American War? 

She also said that she will never vote a criminal like Biden into office, but a guy who paid off his hookers, and his exes, 6 bankruptcies,who has a few felonies, a few espionage charges, and other heinous crimes.   Ya gotta love these people who know their constituents are full-blown stupid. 

So they go to their depths. They lie and they know that their voters are dumb and get away with this. And boy are they dumb down here!! It would be funny as hell if our democracy didn't lie in the balance.

Anyway, this aggressive woman wanted to give us a handout about this woman of resting bitch face. She shoved it at me and it hit my face as I said, "No thank you" and I pushed her hand out of my face,  She did it again. I stopped and said, "Do you think this will make me vote for this woman? You shoving this in my face? Oh yes, I lost all my brain cells. I will vote for her now. Please stop it!"

I know, I can't believe I said it either but I did. I am not proud.

Wow, turning 68 has changed me.

She had her mouth hanging open as I walked away.

She then shoved it at Rick who swatted her hand and said, "I agree with that woman (pointing to me) but I suggest if you don't want your hand hurt don't shove it in people's faces. You are not helping your candidate."

She huffed.

Honestly, this was the most aggressive person I have ever encountered at a polling facility. 

As we walked out of the polling center there was an exit poll. I partook. 

The man said, "I saw what that woman over there did to you. I was so hoping you'd have hauled off and swatted her after that hit your face. Someone I think will by the end of the day"  He was laughing. 

I did not laugh. I was embarrassed by my behavior and that I let resting bitch face people get to me. Rick made me chuckle when he said, "She could poke an eye out the way she was shoving this in our faces."

And yes, she touched our faces. My friend asked me that. Yes, that was the whole point. She wasn't just waving it at us which was bad enough, but when she began to shove it in our faces I so wanted to haul off and hit her. I have never hit anyone in my life. But the way things are going with me saying and doing things lately I have never done before, it just may happen.

Let's hope resting bitch face didn't win.

Cake

Cake is my favorite food group. Always cake.

Sadly I no longer can eat real cake and that's sad to me. There should be a support group for this. Everyone celebrates with cakes and you are left out.

Send me your gluten free cakes. I'll test them for you. Some are like eating dust. Others are so void of flavor. And some use so many bean flours you just need to be near a bathroom.(found out the hard way)

Rick stopped at a GF bakery after his morning at the gym. I saw the receipt that fell out of his pocket. He does not know I saw it. He tries so hard to surprise me, but he can't, so I play along. 

He is trying to surprise me with a birthday cake. I assume it's in the garage or garage fridge. He's cute and oh so predictible.

I'll let you know if it's dust or yummy. Either way it's the thought and effort that counts. But it wouldn't hurt if this were moist and would make the snarky judges on The British Baking Show say something positive!

PIZZA

I need pizza.

Not a gluten free pizza.

A real good pizza with a crust a bit charred.

I'll be home all day for delivering. 

No anchovies or pineapple.

Now hurry, I'm hungry.

Leap Day a Leaping

Leap Day did not have me leaping into the Spine Clinic that is for certain.

I did not leap when I left the Spine Clinic.

As for this moment in time I can not leap. 

I was told many many times that this could take up to 2 weeks to be out of pain. I was told that in the first 24 hrs, I may feel great but then as the lidocaine wears off I may have some discomfort. 

I was also told you can do this 3x in one year. Sometimes people need 2 back to back. He said I may due to all the scar tissue and all around problems. The dr said, "Let's see how you are in a couple of weeks."

I can tell you that I feel less heaviness in my left leg and it tingles and burns far less. Like 25% less. I am not having stabbing excruciating pain in my lower back either, just regular unrelenting pain. 

So is it pain-free yet you ask? Hell no, not yet.

When Rick had his shots in his shoulder a couple of weeks ago they told him the same thing. It took him 3 days before the pain began to go away. 

So I too will wait.  I am not a patient person, so these 3 days will seem like a week to me.

I think my next step is to get a Neurosurgeon for my back. 

I see the writing on the wall.  

I saw an Ortho when I thought this was hip pain. He was smart enough to realize that this was all back related and after my MRI everyone knew it was back related. 

So if I need surgery I want a doctor I have seen before. Discussed my back and future therapies before surgery or jumping into surgery. Having had a couple of back surgeries I know that it's scary as hell and I had immediate relief after each one. But this time it is different. Scar tissue, stenosis, protrusions, horrible arthritis, and severe degenerative issues. 

I had none of this back in '84 or '97. 

My belief is to discuss this with my doctor. If I have to have surgery he is already aware of what I've done thus far, what my MRI looks like etc.

I am hoping I do not need a referral. Normally with Medicare, you don't need referrals but who knows.

________

My mom was talking on the phone with me just the other day and she told me how she can't get down to clean her baseboards anymore the way she wants to. I suggested a mop across them. She said it didn't work as well as her sock.

I laughed and said, "Your sock?"

She said, "Sure. I put on an old sock and held myself up on the wall (oh that's safe ma) and put my foot across the baseboards. My foot got into the crannies and it did a good job. I threw the sock then in the wash. But damn it I did it. I didn't do all the rooms, I got tired and needed to sit down. But I'll go back to them."

Well after that crazy conversation, I decided to buy my mom a cleaning lady for her birthday. (15th) We made promises years ago no more gifts. 

We need nothing. But she needs this. She is 82. (stepmom remember dont start the math) 

She had knee surgery within the last 12 months. I would do this for her but I don't live up there. Those that do, don't do much to help her and she would NEVER ask for anything more than a ride to the doctor or the grocery store. She wants them to offer. I understand that but they never do. Except to grocery stores and doctors.

I called a friend up in my hometown. They gave me the name of a cleaner who is also a friend of hers. This person is going to clean the 1st floor of my mom's home. This is going to be a surprise. She will learn this when she gets her birthday card in the mail.(early)

I had to give the cleaning woman the sq footage and hell if I know. I gave her what I guess would be half since she is not doing the 2nd floor which is 3 more bedrooms and 2 full baths. If she needs more she will contact me. She didn't do Venmo or Paypal or accept debit or credit cards.I had to send a check. I did not buy checks for 15 yrs. Now suddenly moving here I need checks for everyone. What is that about?  Anyhoo....

This nice woman is going to do baseboards and a full spring cleaning on the 1st floor.  At least that is what I paid for less windows. She doesn't do windows dang it.

Mom lives alone with a cat. She does not go to the 2nd floor because of the stairs. Since her master is on the first floor she doesn't really need to go to the 2nd floor.  She has 1.5 baths on the 1st floor. A master, a guest bedroom, a kitchen, a living room, a dining room, and a great room and laundry. So I asked if she could do all of this where she 'lives' for the most part. 

Those are the baseboards she sees. Those are the rooms she is always complaining to me about. Will mom get mad at me? Probably. She will tell me this was unnecessary and all the things a mom says. I will tell her tough, she is going to go to breakfast/brunch with another sister on Saturday morning and come home to a clean home.  

Her daughter, my sister, from the West Coast is coming the following midweek so she won't be stressed either that she has to do this or that before they visit...At least I hope.

I Killed It!

The other day Rick told me to apologize to his ugly chair since I am now using it for my pain relief and bed. I had to laugh. But I should have done it because now it died on me. It's time of death was 2:05pm EST on Feb 27, 2024. Shall we bow our heads in silence?😉

Of course, the unlimited warranty is for the metal mechanisms, frame, and springs. Not the remote control.  

I can not get the chair up and down without it. 

Rick programmed the side buttons for his body. If I use those I am whipped into a frenzy. The lumbar piece he has out but it is mid-shoulders for short me and it hurts. Sadly the remote is needed to program the side buttons.

It will not recline for me so I will be sleeping in an upright position. 

Or not sleeping at all, which will most likely be the case.
I called ole La-Z-boy and found out that a new remote with stocking fees (total bullshit) taxes and shipping is $171.18. Nice eh? Dang it.  

I should have this remote by Saturday they claim. Thursday is my injection and I am hoping that by Friday I can lay down in a bed. We shall see.

If the injections free me of some pain and I can sleep I predict I will sleep until mid-March.

This man wanted me to lift the chair upside down to get the numbers for the chair and other assorted information. 

Rick was in the garage. I can not lift my purse right now without big-time pain, so I couldn't do that. I asked why I would have to do this. 

The man on the phone said it was for the SKU and other numbers. 

I told him that I believed I had all of that in my La-Z-Boy folder. 

The  man laughed and asked, "You have a folder?"  

Now I know what he's thinking, I'm a nut job like Rick thinks but I'm just a bit anal-retentive is all and it pays off more than it doesn't.

I explained that for anything that has a warranty and that costs as much as this dang chair I put all that information in a folder along with the receipt of payment, SKU, date of purchase etc. He laughed. (the piece attached under the chair that he wanted I took a picture of and put in my folder)

I asked why that was so funny as I giggled too knowing full well he thinks I am crazy.

He said, "Oh I know your type, you are my wife, anal retentive. But then this kind of thing happens and she has all she needs at her fingertips and I don't laugh anymore."   

I said, " Now you sound like my husband"  

He said, "Honestly ma'am this makes this call so much easier." 

So I read him all the info he asked for and lickity split he found my warranty and he told me what I already knew and then he wanted me to troubleshoot just in case. 

We did a couple of things and then he said, "Yep it's the remote."  Geez.  

The chair is 4 years old. Purchased in Sept 2020. To me, a remote should last longer than 4 yrs. But that is probably why it is not under the unlimited warranty right? They know it'll die and they can charge me too much money for a remote and that damn stocking fee. 

Which I will add again is total bullshit.

I think this may be my punishment for calling his chair UGLY Chair for 4 years.

It's getting back at me. Damn Karma

Updates

Thursday, Feb 29, I am having an epidural steroid injection into my back to relieve pain. 

From the looks of things, I will eventually have to have surgery.

The Duke Spine Clinic is very well respected and people come from all over the country to go there so I at least have that going for me. Whoopie right? My back is a hot mess. I guess that means it matches my front. 😅

Some updates - 

Rick is driving. He drives to the gym M, W & F. He drove today to the gym, Lowes, and home. He does let me know he got there and he texts me when he leaves. I told him I knew it was a bit much but I still worry. I wanted him to know I wasn't treating him like a child as much as I am unable to let go.  He laughs and says it's no big deal he can humor me. I know he tolerates me in this and I do appreciate it. He has not however driven on the highway. That will probably change on Thursday since he has to drive me home from the spine clinic. 

He is working every day in his workshop. Still a bit cold out there. 

Epoxy is drying slower than he'd like and he gets cold. 

He can't spend 8 hrs on his feet out in the workshop as he could before. 

He does get tired easily now. But overall he is back to what he loves, his woodturning. He is working on a couple of gorgeous pieces and I can't wait until they are complete.

Now mind you, these 4 hrs in the workshop will beg for a nap. 

He was never a napping kind of guy. He was always a go, go, go kind of energy bunny before the stroke. But he has learned to love a good nap. 

As Jean pointed out the other day in a comment, that may never go away. 

I can live with that. Things could be far worse. But it was good to hear that from Jean because she has lived this. I don't often get to talk with others who have been in this situation. If you all recall the horrific women I met in the stroke support group. I never went back after the 2nd time of listening to these women berate their spouses with such venom. 

Because of my inability to bend without screaming in pain, I find it frustrating that I can't get the spring landscaping done.

I got a good start but then this damn back got worse. All of this does not bother Rick. We could be 8 feet high in weeds and brush and he wouldn't notice unless there was a wood log sticking out. He sees what he wants to see and that is no different than how he was before the stroke. 😂

I also have to rototill the garden. I wish he'd just rip it up. 

He knows he can't do that huge garden anymore but I guess I have to allow him to come to this idea slowly. He has stated he can't with a huge sigh. But tearing it up I think is too much for him just yet. 

This is such a man and his ego thing. 

Honestly, his ego frustrates me so. But I must tread lightly.

I know, I know, he was strong like bull and he isn't right now. 

It is tough for him to grasp this weakness so baby steps here. 

I get it but that doesn't mean it doesn't frustrate me. 

I don't share these feelings with him, I just get it all out here on my blog - lucky you.

He tells me that he will get there. He may, He may not. 

But I tell him he absolutely will get there!  

The good thing about this is that it really drives him. 

He goes to the gym to build his strength. Normally Rick wouldn't go to the gym without someone making him or him kicking and screaming. 

But he is doing it on his own and that is huge. 

So perhaps the whole ego thing is good in this case.

Sunday he thanked me for being such a good caregiver. That was sweet. 

But he wanted to make this big proclamation and I let him. He teared up.

He thinks he wouldn't be alive if not for me. I don't think that is the case, more like his team of doctors. But it was nice of him to thank me for what he called all my selfless hard work. He'd do the same for me. We are each other's cheerleaders. But it was nice to hear. 🧡

There are a lot of things about the man that I miss. But overall he is doing so well it's quite amazing to me that he has gotten to this point since May 22, 2023.

The other day he was at the gym and I went in to sign something as he checked in.

A woman dropped something and he grabbed it for her. 

She read his shirt that said, "I've had a Stroke, what's your excuse?"  

She asked, "When did you have a stroke if you don't mind me asking?"

He told her 9 months ago. 

She gasped & said, "WOW, you are doing REALLY well. I'm an ICU nurse...."  And off they went to chat. 

He was so proud that she thought he was doing well. I tell him that but I get it, hearing it from someone else makes you feel really good.  

He was beaming. He doesn't always think he is doing well, so this was good for him to get these accolades from a stranger.

So there you go with the updates on Stroke Boy as he calls himself.

He is doing well and well, I am falling apart before my eyes.  

Here are SOME of the findings from the MRI. 

I am only posting a portion of this so you can get a general idea of the mess we call my spine. It was a far longer email and discussions of therapies, and surgeries, but this is a general piece of info for clarification. I know some will ask and I can't describe it all that well but I do understand it. Make sense? Yeah I know, only to me. LOL

The MRI was finally released by XXXXX and I have reviewed it. The MRI shows significant degenerative changes throughout your low back with the most pertinent findings being a central to left disc protrusion at L1-2 causing moderate central canal narrowing. There is also a left-sided disc bulge, coupled with arthritic changes at the L4-5 level that appears to contact the left L5 nerve as it passes this level. These could both be contributing to the symptoms that you have been having though I believe the findings ar L4-5 are the most likely cause. If you are still having the same symptoms as when I saw you in clinic and based on these results, I would recommend left L5-S1 transforaminal epidural steroid injection. This is an x-ray-guided cortisone injection at the L5-S1 level to help calm the nerves to relieve your pain. Let me know if you would like to try the injection or if you have any questions or concerns.

I am not a person who loves to sit for long periods of time. Yet of late, that is all I can do. Sitting for some reason is a relief for me. The pain is far more manageable in a sitting position. But after these injections, I hope to be able to run around, paint, put together my garden table, do laundry, and just live!  From my mouth to my God's ear. 

🤞

My tulips are dying but nothing says spring like tulips.

The Hearing Impaired Episode

Rick was watching Joanne Gaines make food. I was not paying any attention because it was about the dreaded biscuits. (YUK!)  I was perusing a new catalog.

I looked up when I heard, "I'm gonna breastfeed these to make them moist"

WHAT? I'm laughing as I ask Rick, "What the hell did she say about breastfeeding to make them moist?"

He is now howling with laughter as he tells me she said, "I'm gonna BRUSH THESE to make them moist" She is not breastfeeding anything you deaf nut job. 

GET A HEARING AID!

But why, now that was funny!

Old Movie Review

Friday afternoon after a full day of errands I came home to the ugly chair, heating pad, and a small glass of Gin.  Not giving me pain meds? OK, I'll make my own. 

Rick came in from his workshop and said he needed a nap. A morning at the gym and a few hours on his feet turning wood he was wiped out. He's come a long way in the 8 months since the stroke. But his fatigue is real. 

He got on the sofa and was snoring in no time. The gym is doing a great job for him. He's determined to regain his strength and I believe he will, in time, which is not fast enough for him. 

While he napped I stopped all things. I turned on the tube and heating pad and saw a movie I hadn't seen in years. It is truly one of my top 10 movies. 

The movie is Brooklyn. 

It came out in 2015. It's a story of the immigrant experience.

This is what IMBD says about it.

Young Irish immigrant Eilis Lace (Saoirse Ronan) navigates her way through 1950s Brooklyn. Lured by the promise of America, Eilis departs Ireland and the comfort of her mother's home for the shores of New York City. The initial shackles of homesickness quickly diminish as a fresh romance sweeps Eilis into the intoxicating charm of love. But soon, her past disrupts her new vivacity, and Eilis must choose between two countries and the lives that exist within.

I think this makes it sound trite. But it is so moving. So relatable. 

I can't fathom the immigrant experience. But lately, I'm thinking I may like it for myself. Hmm...

If you get a chance to see this film I highly recommend it. Great acting as well. The lead actress is Saoirse Ronan.  The name does not roll off the tongue. But you've seen her in Atonement, Little Women, Lovely Bones, and Lady Bird to name a few. I think she has the perfect face and pitch for this film.  

I have company stopping by today so I must pretend I am fine and make myself presentable. And a game to watch a bit later, with that damn heating pad, my new friend. 😉

Angry Thursday

I just have to.

Some politics, some religion. Taboo big time.

Your religion is your religion. If my history class was somewhat accurate I was taught that the pilgrims came here for religious freedom. 

But all I hear is this Christian right bullshit. 

The election ads in this part of hillbilly land all say, "America is a Christian Nation"   No buddy it is not!  

They may be a majority but that is not America.

These commercials for these idiot candidates who don't pay taxes and have children out of wedlock with someone other than their wives are spouting their *!#$ Christian ideals that we all must have to make America Great Again. It was great until Evil showed up. Yet they follow the Evil who is orange. WTF?

So then on the Today show on Tuesday, we had to listen to Savannah Gutherie go on and on about her Christian faith. All it did was make me go to Good Morning America. Good for you Savannah, it has helped you. Good, sit down, shut up, pray to your God, but keep it to your damn self unless someone asks for your opinion in your church or a friend sincerely asks you.  We don't care to know.  I don't care who you are sleeping with, who you pray to or do not pray to. Private. Not for a journalist of all people to spew this.

What kind of journalist does this? I never knew Dan Rather's religion.

I did not care. He was a good journalist. 

Someone said, "Well she has the right."

Okay does she?  

If one of the other anchors was Atheist would you allow them to give you their opinions? Buddhists? Jewish? Muslims? Do they have the same equal rights? Would you treat them like they are the 2nd coming like you did her?

We all damn well know they wouldn't get that fawning or to be given that same right.

They would be condemned at best. Religious prosecution to me.

And now that we are giving opinions that no one gives a shit about but me. You're going to get them. You can leave here if it bothers you I understand.

I gave this one to Mike so if you follow him you've seen it.

Then the 2nd one I stole from Mike. :-) 

Take the time to watch it all. It should scare you. 

I sent the 2nd one to a republican friend in Ohio, she wrote back how he is pure evil and she wants to move to Switzerland. 

I told her I was just sent an invitation for dual citizenship in Italy since my parents are from there. I have begun the process. I may need it just in case.

1.

2,

And Finally a happy note for me. The first spring training day game is this Saturday at 1pm for me. This makes me happy. Don't have a lot of hope for my team again this year. And until we get new management and new general mgr it will just be the same shit on a different day. But I love seeing the boys of summer.

So guess what I'll be watching Saturday on TV from the ugly chair? 😂

MRI Day

When I wrote about Rick's inability to put dishes. pots and pans after unloading the dishwasher back where he got them or where they belong, Jean suggested leaving a list on the cabinets and drawers. That was very nice of her. And it was a GREAT suggestion for a normal person or one even with dementia. 

I read that to Rick. He chuckled. 

I said, "I did the same because I know you, you old fool you'd never read it or give a shit enough to read it."  

He said, "Well that is a bit harsh when you say it like that, but it's correct." 

all said while chuckling.

"I KNOW!"  

The man can build me a bed frame but needs help figuring out how to make a bed. The simple flat sheet boggles his mind when it comes to the corners. 

I have tried to show him this for 36 yrs  - 36 YEARS. He helps me make the bed because of my back issues but he can't do corners. It's ridiculous. I swear it's lazy but he insists it's not. Hmm hmm.

I had my first back surgery in 1985. It was a laminectomy. I ruptured a disc and they did this at L4/L5. I did this at a concert in Toronto that I think I wrote about here. I hit my tailbone and bounced twice on the concrete. 

I was in instant pain but made it home...barely.

I was in so much pain over the next month that my eyelashes fell out. Lovely. I worked at the ticket counter of an airline. Nice look. I also wore heels all day. I finally had the dreaded surgery I was putting off.  I think I also told you that the only time the nurses paid any attention to me was when pilots came to visit me and they were in uniform. Then they were all in my room to fluff pillows, asking if I needed anything, etc. Crazy nurses.

Then in 1997, I fell down a flight of stairs wearing socks. I now never wear socks in the house. Too slippery on rugs. So anyway another surgery this time a discectomy above the one before. L3/L4

All that fun surgery has given me spinal stenosis. You can google it. 

It is painful as hell. My left leg is heavy, feels like I've got 40lb weights on it. It is always numb and tingling. Big-time tingling/burning. Not nerve pain like sciatica, this is different. It's awful though. I can not stand straight upright, I drag my leg a bit for comfort. I can walk normally if need be as I try to do in public but it hurts like hell. 

I can not wear anything but a sneaker.  I don't normally wear sneakers all the time. So I am walking like I'm 90 or older. I am unable to dress well and I am in excruciating pain 24/7.

They gave me a prednisone pack for a week. So then I bloat up like a blowfish and feel awful from that. Moon face is oh so lovely.  It also won't allow slumber so I'm up all damn night in pain. I have gabapentin but it really does nothing more than allow me to sleep. Thank goodness. But no pain relief at all.  Not even for the nerve pain in my leg.

I was given a 2nd round of a prednisone pack only a higher dosage. I did not take it. I hate this feeling of prednisone. The side effects are horrific. But I was in such pain I finally took it after days and days of Rick telling me to. The vanity part is only a small part of the horrific side effects of this damn drug. But crying all the time wasn't a good look either. So I gave in.

I now have no calf bone one can see and my feet look like they belong to Fred Flinstone and not my bony, veiny feet. My bra is tight and my jeans are miserable. All from prednisone. I hate it. Right now my pain is down to a 8/9. If I have to walk a lot like today it's a 10. But it was far higher before the prednisone trust me! Nausea, constipation, inability to sleep. Fun, fun, fun.

Oh and the hunger issue. I could eat my arm off. I refuse to eat though because of how bloated and fat I feel but my God does it make you hungry. Think munchies on steroids, literally.

My MRI is on Wednesday at 8:15am. The doctor will get it by Thursday, read it, and call me for plans of action. I am praying for no surgery. I would like to try something less invasive first like injections. I think this is too far gone for an epidural.  They are the first line of attack. I think this is further along than that. Rick wants to drive me. He has driven alone twice now. 

(oh how I get nervous!)  I asked if I could drive to the MRI and he could drive me home. He was okay with that. 

So that has you up to speed with this nightmare of me being unable to bend, lay on my side, or my back, just be in Rick's ugly chair. I now have some love for this ugly thing. Who knew right?

We've had contractors here all week working on our bathroom. God willing I will have it done by Friday but doubtful. It would be nice to not have to lift our legs to get into a tub. Also to have our double vanity again instead of being crammed into this small hall bath. It's been since June  - and it's been a nightmare. But having them here all week doesn't allow me to rest. I wanted to just rest and sleep this afternoon so bad. I sat down at one point and I fell asleep in the chair. I slept for an hour and when I woke up Rick said they just left. They were still in the driveway. Oh, that was embarrassing. I mean if I could have gone to a bedroom to sleep that would be one thing but they passed me in a chair knocked out. Oh well. It is what it is. 

Off to an MRI tomorrow. I am claustrophobic so this should be a fun time. I am getting one that is more open like a CT scan so it shouldn't be too bad unless they are lying to me. 

Are we having fun yet?

Humor Me

I tease my niece about her love of Drake.

Or as she calls him, her boyfriend.

She went to see him in concert very recently. She wrote on her Instagram with her picture of she and her husband at the concert. 

She wrote, My husband took me to see my boyfriend. 

Well, that is how I feel about Lenny. (and Gerard Butler) 

I DO NOT watch The People's Choice Awards. But I knew he was receiving an icon award so I had to watch him. The show is automatically recorded on Dish Prime so around 1am when I was wide awake I put on my headphones and FF until it came to Lenny. They had a great intro which I can not find online. But I did get his compilation of hits here that he played.

The man is like a fine wine to me. He just gets better with age. 

In May he will be 8 years younger than me. Tinder Vittles, baby! 😁

I almost saw him once while I was in Manhattan for work while he was at MSG but I didn't get there. I was so damn bummed. Oh well. 

So last night I had a mini concert. I can't listen to him and not move. 

So humor me today. It's all about Lenny.

And for those of you who are not a fan of his, here is a tid bit you probably didn't know. His mom played Helen Willis on the Jefferson. Like on the show of a mixed marriage she too was married to a white man. 

So there ya have it....one of my boyfriends.

Not Bending

God love this man. Here is Rick emptying the dishwasher for me because I can't bend right now.

Let the games begin-

No matter how long he has lived here he doesn't have a clue where anything goes, EVEN when he takes it out to use said item. 

So now we play find your kitchenware.

I find this very funny, but trust me it took me 30 yrs to get here.

Life

It was interesting to me that my free-range kid post fell on generational lines.

Those of you young enough to be my children or those where I can be your grandmother all felt it was always as it is today just no social media. 

No, sadly not the case. But I do understand why you would think so. Of course, there were crimes. If there weren't my father wouldn't have lectured my sisters and me not to talk to strangers, take candy from strangers, pet a puppy that a stranger called us over to see, etc.

Oh, the danger was there, just not like today sadly. 

Take for example the nice parade for the Kansas City Chiefs. That didn't happen back then. You could go and not worry about a thing except see your favorite player. Or you could go to school and not fear for your life.

Or you could attend a music festival and not be shot or killed.

Woodstock couldn't happen today. The worst thing that happened there was overdoses. Not that it was a good thing, however, they were self-inflicted casualties. Violence was not part of the concert.

Our world is a scary place and it's only going to get worse it seems. 

______________

I got my hair cut on Wednesday. I could leave and not cry or want a hat. She was lovely. It looks good. She is helping me grow it into a different style and she gets it.  

When I called to make this appointment they told me $85 and up I believe.

I about died when I went to pay and it was $92. Okay, then I can't tip because this is getting ridiculous. I didn't tip my dentist a couple of weeks ago either. Both are professionals.  I paid an outrageous amount for a great service that is it.  So no, I did not tip.  It felt wrong but damn it then I would have spent at minimum $102.  I've had enough of the prices around here. Small town with bigger than big city prices. This is more like Manhattan prices not even DC/Northern VA.  Crazy.

While I love my hair I don't know if I can keep it up with these prices. 

But my hair looks good damn it!

_______________

I need a couple days off. The pain for me right now is off the charts. I have all I can handle with Rick and I'm doing my best to keep afloat. Although the most comfortable I am is sitting in my office chair. Go figure.

My MRI isn't until Wednesday the 21st. Then I imagine it will be more waiting for relief. And no one will give me pain pills because you know I may abuse them and become an oxy addict. Yep, that was this old gal's plan all along you know. 

Hump Day

I do not know why this made me laugh so hard but it did.

Busy day. Fingers crossed it won't be as awful as we anticipate.

Chair Lifts

We saw a commercial for a chair lift for your 2-story home.

You know the ones who take you up your stairs to the 2nd floor should you be unable to climb the steps alone. 

I said to Rick they just go so damn slow though.

He said, "Yes, I can fall down the steps much faster than that"

That cracked me up. Point taken.

We also saw people on TV talking about free-range kids.

Were you a free-range kid?

Rick and I were most definitely.

Granted this was a time when one could play outside and not get shot, stolen, or have any fear of one's life. 

My sister and I would run outside in the summer and only stop by to use the bathroom, eat lunch, and for me to wash my hands. I hated dirty hands and did wash them a bit too frequently for my sister's and mother's opinion. Oh, it had nothing to do with germs, I was just prissy. Hated getting my hands dirty and hated getting my clothes dirty. Which I did both most days. If they had had wipes in those days, those would have been in my flowered bike basket trust me. I was indeed a weirdo. My sister, she just liked to torment and tease me. My mom just wanted me to stop coming inside, slamming the screen door, and washing my hands. 

I have shared with you that we had a drinking fountain in our backyard that the whole neighborhood used because heaven forbid we bother my mom and slam that screen door yet again.

We left and were home in time for dinner. Wash our hands and I had to set the table and that was that. Dinner took place. We went out after dinner if still light out and had to be home before the street lights came on. 

Can you even imagine kids doing that today?

My parents never knew where we were. No phones. Usually playing in the creek, grabbing poly wogs, climbing trees, sat in the woods reading  (well that was me), and riding our bikes places. We would get popsicles at the dairy farm nearby and sit on the fence and watch the cow cross the road. We'd moo of course. 

We went to a local cemetery just two blocks away at a church. We would read off the names and dates and imagine what they were like. There was a big barn nearby with horses and people taking horse riding lessons and we'd ride our bikes there and hang out in the barn and pet horses. No one said we couldn't or bothered us as long as we didn't bother them. When there were a bunch of neighborhood kids we would play games like Red Rover.  What a different world.

When my niece was here with her daughter it was a screen thing. Watch TV, Disney, or streaming cartoons or movies. Look at an IPAD or her mother's laptop. Sometimes she looked at books. Being outside was just not something she ever did, wanted to do, or could even imagine doing. 

It's not sad to her. She doesn't know anything else. Her mom grew up pretty close to the same way but without the IPAD and streaming it was DVDs. 

I find it all so sad that our world has become this.

Another sign of how damn old I am I guess. Why does it even matter to me?

I had so much fun outside as a kid. Even just hanging out playing softball in our neighbor's yard where their swing set was 2nd base. Getting lost in a cornfield and crying believing I was lost forever until I finally heard my father's voice. (My sister ran and got him because she couldn't find me.) 

I do recall one time being a bit further from home than I was allowed to be. 

I was on my bike but with a neighborhood friend. 

A car stopped and it was my neighbor, Mrs. Rose. 

She said, "Peggy do your parents know you are on Heidler Road?"  

I lied and said, "Sure they do Mrs. Rose. I told them I was getting ice cream with Debbie".  She said okay and left.  Now that part was true, I did tell my mom Debbie and I were going for ice cream but I also knew she assumed we were at the dairy farm not this far away so I was lying.

But Mrs Rose didn't believe me and tattled on me and told my mom I was on that busy road.

When I got home my mom asked me where I had been. I lied. She asked me again and said, "This time remember if you lie to me that is 2x the trouble"  I fessed up.  I was grounded for a week - no bicycle.  My freedom was taken away.

Your Top Two Questions

The questionnaire brought up a lot of questions about my fear of cats and my imaginary friend. To those who have read those stories from years ago....skip and go to the next blog post of mine. 

To all the newbies here it is again.

Showing you my quirks. :-)

Cats - Oh, how I don't like cats. I won't look at photos if in a movie or TV.  

I just look away. Hearing a cat will send me off the ledge. When I say I dislike cats I guess I should really say that I am so damn afraid of cats it's off the charts. But that doesn't exactly make me like them either. 

It has always been an inconvenience, to say the least. Everyone I know or love has damn cats. I do not recall ever being attacked. I have asked my father and he just said since I was a child. My mom would probably know but she died when I was 13 so she can't help me. My sister says she has no idea it's just always been this way with me.

When a cat was sitting by my car I couldn't go to my car. 

I had my 4-year-old sister go and hold the cat until I could get in the car. And she had to hold it far away so if it got out of her hands I could still make it to my car. How ridiculous is that?  I know I know. 

When I turned 31 I went to a hypnotist. Rick insisted. 

He was convinced this would help me. 

It brought up a 'scene' where this cat was hanging on our front door screen on the metal scrolls of the era. I was freaking out. I'd say I was about 7 or 8 when this event happened. The cat was outside so I must have been afraid before this. I was awakened by the therapist. I had a nightmare that evening and vowed to never go back. The hypnotist offered to do this for free because he was fascinated, but nope, I didn't like this feeling so chicken shit me wouldn't do it again. (point, my parents aren't cat people so this was not an issue for them that they wanted one and couldn't because of me)

Julie here on the blog spoke to me in an email about this. I told her I am not fond of heights but if I had to stand on an outside ledge on the 25th floor of a bldg with others, I'd stay inside, but if a cat came onto the ledge, I'd jump off the ledge. Again, makes no friggin' sense and I know it. 

What I REALLY hate is when people tell me I'd love their cat. 

No, no I wouldn't. If you're afraid of furry spiders and I tell you mine is so docile, just pet it, you'd love it, you wouldn't do it. So why do people think I must love their damn cat? No, I don't, don't ask me, it's mean.

I am fully aware it's irrational, but aren't all fears irrational to some degree?

I hate it only because of the inconvenience. I can't go to people's homes with cats unless I know for certain they are locked up. Rick generally will go in first for me to be sure it's okay. He's seen me flip out. Fallen from running away, twisting an ankle, etc. But even knowing it's locked up somewhere in the home, I am never, ever comfortable there and always on the edge of my seat. 

My stepmom got a cat after I moved away. I sit by the back door in the kitchen so I have a quick getaway if they come out from their locked area upstairs. 

I am never comfortable there.

So there ya go. I don't recall being attacked as a kid. I do not know where it comes from I wish I did. And I wish it could go away. I asked the hypnotist to hypnotize me to tell me I'm not afraid and to not let me remember that I was ever afraid. He said he couldn't do that. So there ya go. 

Now to my imaginary friend Janet.

I lived in this home with my Dad and Mom from age 2 until I was 6 years old. The entire time my Dad told me I played with a girl named Janet. 

I can still to this day tell you what she looked like. 

Black hair in braided pigtails, a red plaid dress that has a full skirt, white anklets, and black Mary Jane shoes. 

(I can't remember shit these days but her I can still vividly see in my mind's eye)

I remember playing with Janet. I remember the time my father sat on Janet and I screamed bloody murder. It scared the crap out of him and he jumped up and he asked what was wrong and my mom and I both said at the same time, "You sat on Janet."  I cried!  

Yes, a table was set for Janet too. At this time in my life, I was an only child for the most part. My sister was born when I was 3. I already knew Janet.

Oh, I won't bore you with all the things 'we did together' but she was real to me. When we moved I was so upset that Janet didn't come along. I remember asking my mom why. God love my mom, she never said this wasn't real or told me to stop it. She just said, "Janet has to stay at her house while we go to our new house"  I just thought, okay, but I was sad.

As an adult, I always thought it was funny that Janet wore the same thing every day and I never questioned that or where her parents were. I just played with Janet. To me, she was my friend.

As I grew up I heard all the stories from my folks. My mom one day said something to her sister about my imaginary friend Janet and they laughed. 

I was there in the kitchen with them. I asked about it because at this point I am 10 and I wanted to hear all this from my mom now. I still remember her very well. Mom told me stories about how when I got a cookie, she had to put one on a plate for Janet. When I turned my back Mom would take it away.

When she wanted to give my old mittens to my little sister I insisted she give them to Janet because she never came outside with me to play.

Things like that. My mom and my Aunt thought these were funny stories and frankly so did I. But I also felt they were real and I don't know why. 

But I knew enough at age 10 not to share that with them. 

Fast forward to being in my very early 30s living in a home that others would call haunted. I saw and heard things that would make most flip out. 

I grew used to them. I saw the 2 people that 'lived there' with me. When Rick moved into that apartment after I left he called me one day and said, "What the hell is going on here"  I had to explain.  You can read about that here.  It explains a lot!

We were told by this woman out of nowhere at a large event in the civic center that had nothing whatsoever to do with this topic. Just a random woman who came up to us and said that we both were 'open' to spirits. Whatever that meant. She said to us, 'You see and hear things others don't'

We just laughed this stranger off. We listened to her but that was it.

But now we know that to be true.

One day over wine sitting on our patio up north Rick and I got to talking about all the odd things that we both had happen at that home and other places. We talked about my 'feelings' I get that come to fruition etc. 

Or a bad feeling and I insist we walk away and learn later what happened and we were glad we listened to my 'feeling'

I used to ignore them but later in life stopped ignoring them.

Rick said, "I don't believe for a minute your imaginary friend was your imagination at all, as much as it was a poltergiest or ghost you played with. 

Well, I poo-pooed him. Then he said something that made it click for me.  

He said, "If it was your imagination why didn't she come play with you at your new house?"

Hmmm....

So there ya have it. So many asked these questions.

I hope I answered them. Now I know a good many of you will think I am bat shit crazy too. Perhaps both. (smirk smirk) 

If more questions drop me an email, this is a bit much for the blog don'tcha think?