Guaranteed Delivery My Ass!

Where oh where has the service gone I ask yet again.

I went to UPS yesterday morning to have a package sent to my neice prior to her leaving for her first year of college on Saturday morning. I thought she was leaving the following week and when I found out she was leaving this Saturday I headed off to the UPS counter. Not a UPS store, the actual UPS shipping site and went into their counter.

I sent this package yesterday to Erie Pennsylvania from here in the DC metro area.
I paid $46.48 to have it be delivered by 10:30a.m. August 15th - today!

The woman behind the counter was a sight to behold with a quick attitude. Flaming sparkly deep pink nails...some of which were grossly long and some of which were gnawed to the quick. She had fried yellow orange hair with black roots and she looked as my husband likes to say, "ridden hard and put away wet" When I got to her counter I asked about all the choices that were listed behind her on the wall that I could choose for overnight service. She was a woman in her 50's and not as helpful as I would have liked and a bit surprised that she had such a slacker attitude but she did answer all my questions, even if she was snippy. When I asked her the 2nd time, "Are you sure this will be there by 10:30am tomorrow?" she responded with, "Honey, that's what guaranteed by 10:30am means." (said like I was a dumb ass & truth be told I understood her sarcasm, but I was a bit nervous) I laughed and said, "duh! I'm sorry I just really want it to be there by 10:30a.m." and she promised it would be.
She stated that the "saver" could be there anytime during the 15th but that me choosing "guaranteed" meant it was going to be there by 10:30a.m. and it was indeed guaranteed.

I told her that was my choice and I coughed up the money. I received a shipment receipt and she pointed out on the receipt my tracking number and information. I looked it over and all information was correct. I thanked her and was on my way. That was 10am. yesterday morning.

As I write this it is 5:30p.m. on August 15th and my niece has not received it. Surprise!
I went online to the UPS website to track my package this morning at 9:30a.m. I figured I might be able to see it's route and how far away it was from my nieces's little hands. The website said that it could not be found? HUH? The following occured in this order.

1. I called the 800# and told them the problem and she told me there was nothing she could do about it because it looked like it never got sent from here. She hung up. No, "I'm sorry Ms. Customer." Nothing but hung up on me.
2. I called back and got a nice young man and repeated my story. To which he calmly told me there really wasn't anything he could do until it was missing for 24 hrs. Sort of like a missing person. No one will help you unless their body is cold. I asked him if there was a phone number to my local UPS office from where I dropped it off and he said NO. (yeah right) I asked if he could contact them. (Once again why the hell am I making suggestions why isn't he suggesting some form of assistance to me the put upon customer?) He said he could send the shipping office an email and have them call me. I thanked him and respeated the phone number to call me at work.
3. UPS calls me and unfortunately I was on the phone with a customer so it went into voicemail. The UPS representative said the package left their office last night and it's not their problem. (see steam coming out of my ears at this point!) NOT HER PROBLEM? SHE IS UPS THIS.IS.HER.PROBLEM! She told me to call the 800# and tell them to contact the hub in Erie PA.
4. I called the 800# yet again and the snippy little twerp that answered told me she had no way of contacting Erie. I was so angry at this point I could have exploded but I know that I'll get further with honey than piss and vinegar so I calmly ask her why she can't when they did this for me earlier? She laughs and then all I hear is click along with my head exploding of course.
5. I walk away from the phone to cool down.
6. I am calmer within 30 minutes so I again call the 800# and get a nice young man who I have to tell the whole fucking story to yet again from the beginning. He says he will contact Erie by sending them a message to see what he can find out but it's highly unlikely that they will respond. (Oh lovely.) He then tells me that you know just because it's says guaranteed doesn't mean it's really guaranteed. I suggested he not tell his customers this because it will make them angry since they have to pay almost $50.00 for pretend guaranteed delivery. And he tells me and I quote, "it is what it is" unquote. I suggest they may want to put that on their signs.
7. At 3pm I call the 800# again. I tell a the young girl the situation and if she could give me an update. Her response was there is nothing we can do so just sit tight it will show up eventually and if I want I can call back on Monday and see if they found it. I said that I would like to suggest that instead of being so cavaliar about her customers concern for not only the loss of a $500 package & the fact the the promise was not kept, she could at least try to fein concern and empathy for the customers situation. Her response to that you ask? "huh?" Yes that is correct that was the only thing this dim wit said to me. I guess that was more than here little brain could digest. I was so exhausted at this point I just said good bye.
8. I called at 5:00p.m. I started by saying that I was not angry at him but if I sounded a bit angry it was because of this situation. (remember I am trying to be kind because it is not his fault but every bone in my body wants to hurt someone) I then went through this yet again from the beginning with a very nice young man who explained to me that he could not put in a tracer until the package was missing for 1 day. At 12:01a.m. on August 16th I could call the 800# and put in a tracer and at that point I could also ask for a refund for my overnight shipping. Now mind you this is the first time I have been told any of this shit. I was about to kiss the guy. I am so happy for this nipple of information and his "service" that I am thrilled that he is giving me information and pretending that he gives a shit that I am not even thinking about the actual loss of it all. He also told me that the loss of the package and it's contents were a whole other matter which I would have to take up with the agent at that time I call in for the tracer. He was so nice he talked me off the ledge. Now that is what I wanted all along, pretending you give a shit, give me facts and a plan. God Damn it how hard is that? Apparently for UPS employee's this is difficult.

Now here I sit at 5:50p.m. and my niece tells me there is no package. She will be leaving in the morning and her gifts will not have arrived. My husband and I put a lot of thought into this gift. My husband wrote her a poem that was heartfelt and so lovely it made me cry. He has always done these silly poems for her since she was a kid and it always made her giggle. When she got old enough to read he would write them to her. We did not make copies of the two of them. We were stupid. Each poem was attached to each gift he sent her - they were a matched set so to speak. My gift was gift cards and a check along with a book. She said she really needed money and I got that. So the gift cards can get some fun things while away and the money can be for books etc. I know an 18 yr old off to school is always in need of money! So now she will have none of this.

Is there a sign over my head that says, "give me poor customer service"? Am I so jaded to think that there is no damn such thing as service anymore?
My husband called into the office and asked how my day was going and when Itold him his only response was, " Margaret I love that you are so surprised that this happened and maybe try Fed Ex next time" Like that is going to help. I am sure they are no different than the boys in Brown.

Ben & Jerry .....I LOVE THESE GUYS!

First, you need to know that Ben and Jerry are the only two men I would ever leave my husband for!

And these boys did it to me again. Damn them....I can not resist them.
They just came out with a 3.6 oz Ben & Jerry container of ice cream. OMG is this a winner. Which one of you guys came up with this? I want to marry you!!

This mini tub of the best ice cream ever even comes with a little spoon under the lid too. They had them on sale for like 10 for $10 at my grocery store. I saw them for the first time this weekend and went into a frenzy of ice cream excitment! C'mon ice cream headache!
How could we pass this up. It's still the great creamy rich flavor only in a mini size so you aren't tempted to eat a whole pint!!

As for that "whole" pint. We went to Ben & Jerry's in Vermont several years ago. Truly the happiest place on earth! Disney has nothin' on this place.

It was in the fall and it was a rainy day so we decided to head up to Montepelier to tour the Ben & Jerry's and stop at this place we had read about in the Washington Post for dinner.
So we started with dessert....

When we got there we found the ages ranged from the late 20's to the 80's. It was all adults but then again it was a weekday and in the fall so the kids were probably in school. Everyone was talking and laughing and there was no one without a smile on their face the whole time we were there.....including yours truly.

We got in line for our tour and 1/2 way through the tour a machine broke down so they told us they had to stop the tour but they herded us to another Ben & Jerry room. In this room they continued to serve up all the familiar flavors and new flavors that they were working on. Needless to say no one there was too upset about the loss of the remaining tour.
Everyone was making friends and moaning over new and old flavors and talking ice cream. Honestly it was a hoot. At one point I said to my hubby that he needed to look around and see how happy every one was. He looked at me and said, "what is there to not be happy about?" Good point!

Now I have always complained that the information on the side of a pint of Ben & Jerry's says it serves 4. C'mon really? They are just trying to make us feel badly - those damn food police.
Well I will boldly admit that I can watch an hour long episode of many of my favorite shows and down a pint all alone. Yea, that's right - not four - just ME and MY PINT.
I always ask what 4 people can all eat just one pint? 4 small children perhaps. But I say it's 1 serving and 2 at best. (okay you can see my issues on ice cream now)

But while in the B & J's gift shop they had koozies for the pints! Now c'mon, right there it shows you that this is for 1. You don't have a koozie for your beer and have it say serves 4 and you share it. They don't make coozies for more than 1 so there is my point and for some reason that made me feel a whole lot better.....just not thinner.

Where the Hell Ya'll Been?

If I had a nickel for each time I heard from someone about my lack of posting on the blog site I would never have to work again! Damn!

My PC crashed and boy has it has been ugly.
My whole life was in that computer. My address book alone was a wealth of info. Not only email addresses but the home address, all the phone numbers and birthdays associated with that person. I am so lost without it. So with no email I had no personal folders which hold, all passcodes to get into all things I use, no saved data and links that I use all the time, etc. Then you add my work life which is ALL in the computer from the most minor things like invoice and fax forms to all business data that is necessary to run our daily life. And biggest of all, work email which is different from personal email in that it is web based.
Then just because that isn't enough there are 5 yrs of photo's that I no longer have.
Not a good few weeks.

It happened on what started out as a good Monday morning. I was bouncing between excel, work email and the internet. All of a sudden when I was on the net (to read the Washington Post) it started acting weird. Then I got a pop up that said that I may have a virus and to clean it hit OK. Well I was at least smart enough to know that hitting OK was the WRONG thing to do and that in itself was the virus. You can try to close it by hitting the X but it won't go away. I can not get to any program now because it keeps popping it's ugly head onto my screen. My virus ware runs a scan every morning and it did that day too so I was confused. I run anti-spy ware, virus software, and ad adware (4 programs to be exact) every week so why the hell did all this fail me? So after I calmed down I decided it was way too early to start drinking no matter how badly I wanted to. So I called Geeks on Call instead.

For those of you who have never used Geeks on Call they can be helpful but weird. I am not a geek by any means. Surprise I am not a technical person. While people bug the shit out of me and I say I am misanthropic I still am more of a people person with social skills vs. a geek with no social skills but in possession of a technological mind. Or at least I like to think so.

They arrived that afternoon and the Geek spent 5 1/2 hours running programs in safe mode to try to clean this sucker. It was painful to watch but more painful to make conversation and ask questions. I am a control freak. I want to know what the hell is going on. I understood everything he was doing for the most part but when I didn't I would ask. He would answer in something that sounded like jibberish. I finally asked him to dumb it down for me, the simple non technicial woman. He tilt his head like the RCA dog and stared at me for a moment as though he didn't understand my request but was trying to compute it in his mind. He blinked a few times and then with his brows furrowed he tried to explain it to me without jargon. I thought the poor geek's head would explode. He was so obviously uncomfortable with using words that we mere mortals can understand.....it was painful to watch. I almost laughed but I didn't want to make him feel badly, I mean I am the idiot. But sometimes people with all these "smarts" crack me up because the simpliest of things prove so difficult for them. But hey at least he was nice and polite and didn't give me poor service or attitude. I appreciated that!

At 8:30p.m. he finally said he had to take my processor. I about cried. So fast forward a few weeks later and he still has it. We are now getting a new hard drive. (insert heavy sigh here) I don't even know how to begin starting over again. And to answer all the questions I hear you all asking me is ..... NO I don't often back up. In fact the last time was in late 2005 or early 2006...I know, I know. My own fault.....like I haven't said that myself.

So here I sit on a laptop that is giving me grief. It's very very old. It doesn't have anything I need on it but I am now able to get to the internet and bitch and moan on my blog and send emails from an outdated version of outlook. YIPEE. I have run all the scans necessary but who the hell knows I mean I did that before and the virus got me anyway.

The geek called to tell me that if indeed misery loves company then I would be happy to know that I am not the only one with these 2 virus's found on my computer. No, that didn't make me feel better. I want to know if I got it from a site I might have been on or where I got it. But no one seems to know. Lovely huh?

So I am back to work per se, back to bitchin' on my blog and back to reading the paper via internet and surfing shallow sites like Perezhilton.com and hoping they don't give me anything more than tracking cookes which I can easily delete.

So I will end with this humorous video. It appears to be real. A friend sent it to me. The sad thing is there are a million dumb ole redneck goobers like this and sadly they breed. (and vote)
Here's to a good Friday giggle ladies.....I know you all wish you could date him!!!!
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/839300/

Bigger Issues than just Grout

As you all know from reading my blog regularly, my husband and I are in business together. I am in the office and he is the man doing the heavy lifting.

I talk to people all day, answering the same questions and saying the same things.
I am never ceased to be amazed at the things people will ask or share with me.

Here are a few of the weeks events.  

****Crazy Bigots
Here are a couple of things this week that have been amusing to me.
There is large immigrant population and day laborers here and over the last couple of years, it has become a hot topic that has led to bad feelings on both sides of this fence.
There are very few blue-collar workers who speak English here.
No, His Name is Not Ricardo......
On a daily basis, I am asked if the men coming to their home will speak English. Normally this is done in a lower tone, almost a whisper. 

Like they know it’s politically incorrect but they must ask but just not loudly. 

Back in the day, my mom would say, “Oh Mary, she has (whisper tone) cancer.”

A woman this week did not even bother with the whispering or the beating around the bush so to speak – she just came right out and asked me questions. 

I admired her forthrightness even if misplaced. She asked me what this man’s name was that would be coming to her home. On this day it was going to be Rick so I said “Rick” and she asked if his name was really Ricardo. I had to laugh because I mean really, how can you not? I said, “No, in fact, his name is Richard or Rick.”

Then she asked for his last name, now I imagine she was thinking it would be something like Hernandez.
When I spelled his last name for her she then asked me if he spoke English. That also made me chuckle because did she honestly think I just made up a name for him for heaven’s sake? I said he did speak English. 

She went on to ask if you could understand him. I was fighting back laughter. 

I told her that he spoke as well as she & I did if that meant anything to her.  

She asked if I knew where my boss was born. I told her I did and it was Pennsylvania. 

She still insisted that he come to her home for an estimate even though one was not necessary!  I imagined it was because she wanted to see for herself that he was indeed a 6’2” Irish fella from Pennsylvania. 

When I told Rick this story he said he was going to ring her doorbell and when she came to the door say, ¡Hola! ¿Como esta usted?

Now that would have been fun just to see her face if he had had the cogliones to do that don't you think?
He did not do that. Darn it. The job was completed and she was happy. She called after the job to thank me for sending an American. I wanted to say shit but I just said I hope she was happy with the work. We just hoped to never see her again!

****Putting the Sex Toys Away when the Company is Coming
Rick went to a young woman’s home to give her an estimate a few weeks ago for the remodel of her bathroom and the reglazing. He noticed she did not have a bathroom window and told her that he would need one to extract the fumes and he could use the one closest to the bathroom with the 50ft extension. She showed him her bedroom and they determined this would work fine.

He goes to her home the 2nd time to do the job. When it was time to go to her bedroom he went into the room she was in and asked if he could get into her bedroom now. 

She said, “sure” and proceeded to get up and walk him into her room. (He did not want to just enter her room without asking) 

Next to the window was a nightstand. On said nightstand were her sex toys – visible for the world to see. He saw her look at them and then she leaves the room. He thought that odd but proceeded to do the job that he was there to do. He assumed she may be mortified and remove her toys after he walked into the bathroom. 

When he finished that day he again told her that he had to go into her room again and she shouted, “go ahead” He went into her room and did what he had to do, and again being the man he is, he looked at her sex toys again on her nightstand and he was stumped by one of them.

Fast forward to when he gets home and he can’t stop talking about this.
He asks me If you knew people were going to be in your bedroom wouldn’t you put those away? If you just forgot wouldn’t you shove them in the nightstand drawer after I left the bedroom the first time? And Margaret what the hell was this other thing?”
There were 2 brightly colored vibrators, and a few other toys along with this “other thing” that we have no idea what it is.

Now my answer to Rick's questions is yes I would put them away and yes if I forgot I sure would have after you left my room! I have no idea what the “other thing” was, but it was cracking me up that he was so concerned about it. 

For 2 days, he kept drawing me pictures and asking me, "what the hell would one do with this thing?" Oh, how the laughter ensued after all of our guesses of its use let me tell you. He should have just asked her, I mean she didn’t seem to care that he saw them she may not have cared that he asked her. But the fact that he is still talking about this makes me laugh. Mr. Cool realizes he ain’t so hip and cool anymore. 

****You have bigger issues than reglazing Lady!
This woman emailed me and said she couldn’t call from work, but she needed an estimate and information. She wrote me and told me that she needed to have her bathtub reglazed and did we regrout tile floors? No, we do not. I recommend the grout medic but we could do the bathtub for her. She then proceeded to tell me that she has a very small bathroom, but the whole floor has blood that has soaked into the tile’s grout. She wanted to know if we cleaned grout or replaced grout because the tile was just fine. I say if it’s just a small area has she tried bleach? She writes and says, “oh, it’s not small it’s the entire bathroom floor and that is why I need it regrouted. The same with the tub, the blood stains have soaked through and have left discoloration." 

Okay, I’m reading her email and I’m thinking, where’s the body? 

I’m also thinking there are much bigger issues at hand here than just grout - know what I mean? This one scared me.
She told me she was in another state right now (ah, I'm thinkin' state penitentiary perhaps?) so she couldn’t call me but would upon her return in early August. (she’s being released in August I’m guessing here)
I am not sure I want to pick up the phone when this call comes in.

That’s how my week’s going, how ‘bout yours?

Update - the sex toy that was unidentifiable to Rick wasn't a sex toy at all! 

Silly, silly boy. It was to separate your toes for painting your toenails.
He saw these in a magazine and he showed them to me. 

He said this was the item on the gal's nightstand that confused him about how to use it. He assumed they were used like the other items on her nightstand. Numbnuts! That drove him crazy for weeks. 

The fact that he thought about this for so long, well, I find that hysterical.

Hit Me Like a Ton of Bricks

You know you go along with your life knowing that you are aging and changing.
It sucks, you move on. But over the holiday weekend it hit me like a ton of bricks....and it hurt like hell.

It happens slowly and then BAM - it actually hits you all at once.

You hit 40 and you realize to put the “girls” in the bra you have to lift them a bit. Your husband makes jokes and you think to yourself, “Well it can’t get any worse than this.”
Ah, such a naïve young person.

Your eyes aren’t what they used to be and while putting on makeup you realize that you can’t see your eyes without your bifocals. Then you can’t get to your eyes with bifocals on and then you take them off and poke yourself in the eye and it becomes a viscous ugly painful cycle.

Damn it to hell you need that mirror you just used in a hotel room. C’mon, you know the one. The one where on the business trip everyone on your sales team came down at breakfast and remarked how horrifying that mirror was and no one should look into that thing....who actually would use such a thing they scream? Oh yeah, that same mirror that you just used that morning while murmuring to yourself, “hello honey I’m taking you home with me.” The one that made you feel euphoric that you could see to put on your makeup again. If you could get this off the wall and not get in trouble it’d be in your suitcase so fast that your eyelashes would curl who the hell you kidding? This wonderful new mirror you have discovered is the only thing that will now help you to put on your makeup and insure you don’t end up looking like Tammy Faye Baker. So you go out and buy yourself that 10x magnifying mirror and have your hubby mount it to the bathroom wall while he laughs and makes fun of his old wife. You just wait you bifocal-less ass, it’ll be your turn soon and we’ll see how you like it.

But after the euphoria over the new mirror settles in you find that you can not only now see your eyes well enough to put on your makeup without bifocals, but you can see EVERYTHING. It’s not pretty....what has time done to me? Your husband tells you he thinks you’re adorable and pretty. Dumb ass. I know he’s a year older than me what the hell can he see anyways?

It happened overnight. Those friggin' age fairys that replaced the tooth fairy find you. You find you have to lift your eye lid to get that shadow on and you suddenly realize that dear Lord your eyes have fallen since yesterday. Is there nothing that won’t fall? OMG how I hate Sir Isaac Newton. Okay I have to admit it could be worse - I just saw a woman at Target who had tanned leather saggy knees, I thank God I don’t have those.....that’s gross.....well not yet anyways.

You walk by a mirror one day and do a double take because you wonder who the hell is that in the mirror? It literally shocks you. Not an exaggeration but a true, Who the fuck is that staring back at me and what the fuck did they do to my face? It’s like a terrible accident. You want to stare but you look away because you don’t like it one bit. I heard about this one from my step mom....I laughed at her because she didn’t look that different to me. I am not laughing now, oh no anything but laughing. (sob, sob, wail, moan, weep, scream.)

People tell you all the time that you don’t look your age and it feeds your ego. You idiot you believed them. Liars, liars, pants on fire! All of them. Don’t they know I have mirrors? Mirrors that magnify you 10x? My husband repeats his mantra to me to try “growing old gracefully.” Until a hot chick called him Sir....Now that was funny to me until........

We are sitting in a very nice bar over the 4th of July down at the lake. We are having a hoot with the very friendly and witty “Fergie” the bartender. She and I are sharing stories about cocktail recipes and I tell her I actually have a section in my recipe box called FAVORITES. I store all my drink recipes there...of course doesn’t everybody? The kid next to me leans over and says, “Yeah, when her grandkids come over Grandma makes them Bahama Mama’s instead of chocolate chip cookies.” Laughter ensues at the bar....but all I heard was GRANDMA. OUCH! OH. MY. GOD.!!!!

I spent the next 2 days hearing that over and over again in my head. Here I am 5 days later still stinging from it. I don’t have children. I don’t have grandkids but yet I could be a mom and a grandmother I suppose. So why does this sting so?

Saggy boobies, droopy eyelids, failing vision and slower energy levels didn’t hit me like this. This was a ton of bricks. Like it all happened at once. The bandaid was ripped off. No more delusions. No more lies. No more believing all those people who say you only look (insert favorite number) The wind is out of my sails now.

July 4th, 2008 I became a grandma without ever having children. I may have to take to my bed for a few weeks....with gin. Or maybe I should be buying some sensible shoes, baking cookies and smelling like menthol pain rub. Ha, my luck that scent will become a new aphrodisiac for my hubby. Oh I have to go have a good cry now.
OH. MY. GOD. I. AM. OLD.

Where is Dr. Oz when you need him?

I have 3 doctors whom I love that have all decided to not take any insurance at all. Nada,nothing, not one, not just mine - but ALL insurances period.
I understand they don't get paid much anymore. My surgeon told me for every 3 surgeries, 1 is free because of what they get paid from the insurance companies. He also stated that they are now being governed by insurance and not able to give the treatment they feel is necessary because insurance companies will not pay them for such treatments they deem unnecessary. Those are the 2 reasons they are leaving insurance companies behind. I get it all sadly. But where does that leave me? I am a self employed person who pays a helluva lot of money each and every month for insurance and now no one is accepting it. I think it would be easier to take if it were just my insurance they didn't take. But they have dropped ALL insurance.

***My spine doctor who is important to me since I have had my back operated on 4 times in 3 states. When I found this man I swore I would never leave him. He has given me options that no other has suggested and he has been a blessing. Now I must leave his group.

***My thyroid doctor who was the only person to figure out that I wasn't crazy but was hypothyroid. Do you even begin to understand what a gift she has been to me? Someone who thinks outside the box and really LISTENS.

***My gyno who doesn't do OB so you aren't waiting in her office for hours while she is delivering a baby. Her specialty is bio-identical hormones and menopause which eventually I'll need some day. And I would prefer someone who thinks like her when the time comes.

All 3 doctors I need to see on a regular basis. Lovely huh?
Now I have to find new doctors and I hate that. I loved all 3 of them because they thought outside the box. They didn't look at you as a list of symptoms on a piece of paper. So now what is a poor girl to do?

I have to use the doctors in my network of Blue Cross. They are not the best of the doctors nor are they the thinkers. No Dr. Oz in the bunch.
I pay $750.00 a month for insurance that basically sucks. And if I am not a poster child for health care reform then what middle age woman is?

Today I had to have lab work done by the thyroid doctor. You see I have been continuing to go to her and forking over the $200 a visit. But now they will no longer allow me to have my blood work done at a lab outside their office. I was in the past able to go to a lab in my network and they would send the results to my dr.'s office. Now I can not do that. But it's a 2 hr drive with traffic to get to my dr.'s new office so she gave me a break and said I could go to my lab. (she is a bit of a rebel because I know for a fact that she is fighting this with the "Owners" of the practice she works in) She also knows that paying for this is crazy but her hands are tied unfortunately.

Anyway I fast and I walk in to the lab this morning with a throbbing headache because I could not have coffee or food this morning before the tests. I give them the blood work papers and they tell me that the dr. did not sign these lab papers she sent me via mail. So I call my doctor's office and the office staff is their usual self....snippy. I say that "Dr. Kate gave me outside lab papers and she did not sign them. I am standing here at the lab and they will not do the blood work with out a signature. Would it be possible for her to fax me one with her signature?" They snap at me with, "She is not allowed to do that so NO." I state that, "She gave me permission because I live 2 hrs away and that she also told me I would have to pay a premium to have it done at an outside lab and I had agreed to pay you that premium."Miss Snippy said, "well she isn't in the office today." I asked if another Dr. could do this for me since I was standing here and had fasted. Her response was a curt and definite, "NO"

Finding a new GOOD doctor is like finding a needle in a haystack. This should prove interesting, frustrating and costly to say the least. If they are great I am willing to have them not carry my insurance. But some things that are covered 100% like pap exams, mammograms, and blood work I just shouldn't have to pay for twice....or am I nuts?

The Handy Man

Here is what I have learned since my husband moved from the white collar world to blue collar.

• He is much happier.
• He doesn’t lift a finger anymore at home.

When he was the VP of HR he would come home and be a flurry of activity. He would plant, build, remodel, create, even cook dinner. Now, well, not so much.

I would say to him – I think I would like to have a built in book case over there with this type of molding. Next thing I know he is out at the lumber store and building a book case. I say in passing, a cedar bench with some cedar planter boxes would look great in that corner of our patio and voila they are built, look fabulous, and plants are in them all in the same weekend.

I have always called him the MacGyver of home improvement because if I said I want this.....he would built it. He may only have a Q-tip, swiss army knife and twine but by God it would get built and be beautiful and make the neighbor women swoon. (yea it was funny)

Ah, but those days are gone. Now I am lucky that he takes out the trash.
No more having dinner made for me. No more chores being done around the house. No more of my cute version of Bob Vila. I’m on my own now. I guess I will have to cheat on him and get my own new handy man.

I am assuming this change is because he was cerebral all day and sitting behind a desk that made him be a flurry of activity when he came home. Now he is a flurry of activity and physical labor all day and now comes home and is anything but cerebral or physical.

I threatened to hire someone to put in my new light fixture that has been sitting here for 4 months! He finally did it yesterday after that threat. 4 months!!! Now to my friends who do not have handy husbands they laugh at only 4 months or that a husband would even do such a thing as install a new light fixture. But in the old days we would have brought it home and up it would go. Now I have to nag, bribe, beg and threaten to hire someone before he begrudgingly puts it up. It’s done in 5 minutes with 10 minutes of bitching but it’s the 4 months prior that are so painful.

So while he is happier with his new work I am not so sure I am.
I may have to hire myself a new “handyman.”
Just wait until my husband gets a load of my requirements for that position ladies.

Guests

Last week I mentioned that my husband invited a couple to our lake home that neither had met in person. Now you ask how do you invite someone you’ve never met?

Well, he knows the man through a business networking organization and they have talked a great deal and became friendly in that email / phone kind of way pertaining to work.
To correct the statement that "my husband invited them"  let me clear that up - the man of the couple invited himself to our lake home and my husband didn't know how to say no.
He asked if he could come and of course this man I am married to being so much nicer than me said, "YES of course....and of course you can bring your dog."
Apparently it is easier for him to say No to me than to a total stranger.
None the less they arrived.

They don't drink
We DO!
They don't like the outdoors.
We do!
They don't want to be on the water in a boat.
We do!
They don't want to be IN the water or floating on chairs in the water while having a cocktail.
We do!
We like to be on the go.
They like to sit.
We like to have coffee in the morning on the deck overlooking the water.
They want to be indoors only.
We like to BBQ outside and have dinner on the deck.
They want to eat inside only.
They like Johnny Mathis.
We like Rock 'N Roll.
They need naps through out the day after doing anything.
We don't....yet.

They have a nice old dog that is dying that is 98 in people years.
We felt so badly for the dog and his suffering. 
If it were our dog we would have cried but made peace with euthanizing him.
They just hold him and carry him everywhere because he is almost completely blind, can't walk and must take medicine constantly through out the day.
He must be carried because of his arthritis.
It was all so sad to me that they were making this poor thing suffer like this because they couldn't let go.

We were very different.

I did not know what to do with them.
Why does one invite themselves to someones lake home and not like the outdoors and water? It's all about the water and outdoors.
I suggested to the woman that perhaps we could go into town and do some shopping and maybe stop at the coffee shop for lunch. Nope. Didn't want to.
Said just like that too.
It was so difficult.

But here is the funny thing.  The things they did want to do were so strange?
We were in the game room and they were teaching us a card game.
They asked, "Wanna smoke some pot?"
You could have knocked us over with a feather.
So this Johnny Mathis listening, nap taking old timer has pot?
Could explain all the napping.

But NO he didn't have pot he asked us if we did and we laughed like crazy.
He said he was hoping we could supply him with some pot.
What the hell did he think we were drug dealers?
He asked this several times during his visit. 
I don't know if he thought we were lying or he forgot that he had already asked.

Every night when getting into bed my husband would say, "I'm so sorry Margaret I'm going to owe you big time."
No he doesn’t owe me, he puts up with my family all year and that's just as bad only on a constant basis so I can't be mad at him.
I can give Rick a hard time though because, well, it's sport for me.

I did come to a very big realization this weekend.
Rick and I are immature.
We have more in common with our friends who are 20-22 yrs younger than us than we did with these folks who were only 12 yrs older than us. They were like my grandparents.....well except for the pot.  My grandparents don't like to smoke their reefer in front of the kids. (just kidding)

So the moral of the story is....
Learn to say NO if you want to. Just because someone asks to come to your home doesn't mean you have to say it's okay if its not.

It's okay to like to imbibe at the tiki bar, to sit in your floating chairs on the water, or play in or on the boat and act younger than you are.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

My whereabouts

Okay to all of you who have emailed me wondering where I've been....I'm here just very busy with life and stupid people. They all seem to be calling me lately.

I read this woman's blog...hell for that matter I read a few women's blogs but this one has me totally and utterly enthralled in the story of her life. I must stop whining about mine because my God she has been through hell. Now granted as all of us do as young folks, she caused some of her own grief while learning life's lessons and made some colossal mistakes but how she came out of this so well is a testament to the human spirit.

She writes about her everyday life as well. And thankfully it's not a mommy blog. But the stories that tug at my heart are called the Crazy Chronicles. I personally believe this is a book and she should publish them! These are how she came to be where she is today.
Check them out. http://boobsinjuriesanddrpepper.blogspot.com/
She has a link to them on the left side of the blog and you can start at the beginning of it all.


My husband has a "friend" from work. Now when I say from work I mean that he talks to him a great deal because they are in the same industry. This man lives in NC and we live in our nations capital. He has never actually met him. But they both belong to the same organization of people who do what they do. They share ideas, tips, opinions on marketing, technique etc. Well my nice hubby invited he and his wife to the lake house this weekend.

Now imagine that will you for a moment. I have to feed, house and entertain total strangers for 3 days? Me, the person who is misanthropic. I about killed him. Then he tells me that the wife does not drink. Okay now this is not starting out so well for me. Rick keeps saying, "it'll be fine. We'll boat. we'll float on our floating chairs and have cocktails." I say, "but I don't want to drink if this is something she can't do or frowns upon"
A few days later he tells me that the man said his wife neither swims or likes the outdoors. Oh God there is nothing else but that lifestyle at the lake house. I am screwed!.....or better yet Rick is screwed and I don't mean that in the way he would like to be screwed either!

So I called her to introduce myself and I think this may be A-okay after all. She seems delightful so maybe my hubby was right for a change. As he tells it, if he isn't right he will never live it down. Now that I know for sure to be true!!

The Amazing Race Gift

Are you a good gift giver? I am not. My husband always thinks of great gifts for me and I am always struggling for gift idea's. I bought a great gift once for a girlfriend and she never got it. I was broke at the time and I spent like $100 bucks on this gift, which at the time was a big deal for me. And she never friggin' got it!! You had to fill out this whole questionaire about the person's likes and dislikes and a mystery novel was written with their name as the main character and the main character then would have a quirk like the real life friend, or listened to a band that was the friends favorite band etc. I thought that was cool. I saw this book that another friend had received and she loved it so much and even thought the story was well written and a good novel on it's own. I first saw this idea on a tv talk show and then again read about it in a magazine so I thought it was a great idea. I did the leg work sent it in with my check. Oh my check was cashed but a book never appeared. I made calls that were never returned. I went the legal route, I called BBB, but bottom line was I got screwed!
That was many years ago and sadly my last good idea....although not original.

My neighbor's wife is having a big birthday today. He has this great evening planned for her and she has already IM'd me this morning saying, "what a great morning this has been so far." And she doesn't even know that I know what is going on.

Her hubby called me yesterday to tell Rick and I to meet them at a restaurant at 6pm tonight. He has her on the Amazing Race. Her own little scavenger hunt you could call it. She got her first one in a card this morning. She has to go to these places and get clues to where to go next. Some stops will have gifts waiting for her. But all have clues - for example a shakespeare quote and then hint that if she can remember Romeo's last name will give her the clue of where to go next etc.
I think this is so thoughtful, fun, and cool.

The stop tonight at the restaurant is her 2nd to last stop. She doesn't know we are going to be there and that we'll all have dinner together. Then after dinner the next stop is at home and the BIG gift. And no I don't mean THAT big gift because Rick and I have been invited and I don't think they would do THAT while we are there.

After my neighbor's call it just got me to thinking about my lame ass gifts. I may have to copy this idea. I love the Amazing Race. I have always had fun as an adult when I have done scavenger hunts. So why not try this? Well, honestly the reason is I am not creative enough to think of the things to do after the idea I just stole from him. Damn it I think I'm back to shitty gift giving.

Memories of Uncle Joe

My Uncle Joe...One of my favorite uncles just passed away. He was married to my mom's sister. My mom was closer to him than her own sister....but then who didn't love this man who knew him. I have such great memories of this man. I can't say his name without smiling. I am fortunate to have had 2 Uncles like that in my life. Sadly now both are gone. My Uncle Joe was a jovial round man who in all my years I never saw without a smile on his face. When my mom was sick (cancer) he would come out to this dairy farm to buy his milk and we lived 3 blocks away so he would always stop in. (okay it was the country and we didn't have blocks but roughly that far) 

 His visits would cheer my mom up and sometimes just be what the doctor ordered for her. It would make her get up and make a pot of coffee and put out some of her great homemade baked goods. He would sit and chat with her and I'd hear them laughing from the other room and it was so comforting to know that he could make her feel better. I used to like to hang around them in the kitchen because they were always laughing like crazy. I honestly think he had a crush on my mom. Things he said after she died and things he said to me later in life as I was older convinced me he did. Kind of cute. 

He worked at a bakery for 51 yrs. Can you even imagine doing anything for 51 yrs? Let alone never complaining? Every other week when he came out to our town to buy his milk he would bring us all kinds of bread and rolls. He knew I liked the big crusty rolls and he would tell me they were warm so I would come running. 

 Of course, he wanted a hug and a kiss first and I gladly obliged. 

There was a place where he took us called either Punxtawny Dam or else Kinzua Dam. I believe one of those. There were these huge carp there and people would go and feed the fish and it was a real sight if you were a kid. He piled 4 of his 5 kids in his station wagon and brought along my sister and me and we all took the drive to feed the fish. He brought bags of stale bread I imagine from the bakery and we got such a kick out of those big ugly fat fish. We stopped at a picnic area in the woods and I remember having lunch and of course Uncle Joe had a couple of beers with him. We kids ended up playing baseball that day. I don't recall what kind of nut it was but there was something we found that was the ball and the empty beer bottle was the bat. This just cracks me up. Today he would be turned in to social services. But we kids were having the time of our lives. 

He made the bases for us and had another beer while he cheered us on and laughing. I also remember stopping on the way home at a bar. I was so thrilled to sit at the bar next to him and get a Shirley Temple. We kids played a shuffleboard game while he had a beer. Then off we go, all piled into that station wagon. 

 I know, I know, it was wrong of him to have 2 or 3 beers throughout the day with all those kids and driving. But I still look at all of that so fondly. We laughed all day long and it was such fun. 

After my mom died he would continue to stop by in the summer when he got milk to visit my sister and I who were home alone. He'd bring me those warm rolls and play jacks or cards with us for just a short time and then he headed home to his family. It meant the world to me. Those were difficult days for my sister and me and he knew it. I swear he was the only adult who did know it.

He always talked about my mom yet never made us feel sad, just happy. 

He just had a way about him....and he always made us feel secure and happy.  

When I was in high school he used to tell me I looked like this girl named Chrissy on The Young and The Restless. I did not watch this so I had no idea if that was true or not. One time I got my hair cut and he said it looked just like hers. I imagine that was just the style that all girls had in the 70's because I never saw "Chrissy or the soap opera. But every time he saw me he'd say, "hey Chrissy" and just laugh. From then on I was Chrissy to him. Last year when I went home for his sister-in-law's funeral I saw him. It had been a few years since I last saw him. There he was at 93 having survived colon cancer, unable to hear much at all even with hearing aids, and legally blind. But always smiling and in the best spirits.

When he spoke to you he got real close to see your face. And God love him if he still didn't think I looked like "Chrissy" and then laugh. We chatted about his life. He said he was tired and had had enough. I realized that saying, "oh don't say that" was inappropriate because really if that is how he feels then it doesn't matter how I feel about it...it's his life. He said he would be next and that he was ready. He would miss everyone but it sucked to get old and he laughed. Again always laughing even when he wasn't feeling so great. He talked about my mom and asked a lot about me and my life. I was taken aback. I realized that so few so-called friends or close acquaintances do ask about your life that it was refreshing not to give a stock answer but to really have a conversation back and forth about our lives and our memories and our hopes for the future. Even though his were bleak to me he didn't think his were. To him, they were the next step and he was ready. I am glad I spent that time with him on the last visit or I would be a helluva lot worse than I am today. It was his time and I am so damn thankful I had him in my life....now he can make my mom laugh again!

Pee-in’ in the Boy’s Room

Are you old enough to remember the song, “Smokin’ in the boys room?”
I keep hearing it in my head only using my header above instead of “smokin’”

We were driving down to the lake on Friday and we were planning on stopping at this super Wal-Mart. Which for the record I dislike. Oh it’s a nice enough superstore but I am not a fan of Wal-Mart. I have noticed at this particular store that the customers are different than I normally see in my life.
“Where are these people in everyday life? I never see people like this anywhere but Wal-Mart Do they breed in the back and live there?” These are very large interesting people who look like they have a digit or two missing from their IQ not just missing teeth. It’s a very odd place to me.

Back to the story of my horrific trip to Wal-Mart....
As we are driving to the lake I realized I had to go to the bathroom but I can sometimes be like a camel and wait it out since we weren’t that far. But now as we are approaching the Wal-Mart I announce to my hubby that I REALLY have to go now so I am walking as fast as one can walk in flip flops. I literally RUN to the bathroom – I look up at the 2 signs and walk in on the left and realize that someone is in the stall so I RUN into the end handicap stall.
I do my business and notice the person next to me and their feet in sneakers and think she’s on her tiptoes and it’s odd but oh well. I walk out and head for what I thought was the sink when I RAN in there and there is a guy pee’ing in the urinal! Now I realize when I RAN in it was all a blur so what I thought was a bay of sinks was one long urinal. I say outloud when I see the man peeing, “well then” and realize at the same time I am the one in the WRONG room. I RUN OUT OF THERE MORTIFIED. I ran to my hubby who is waiting by the cash register and say to him as I put my sunglasses back on and put my head down – we must leave NOW. I didn’t even wash my hands which freaked me out but thankfully I had wipes in my purse. As we are walking to the car I am relaying this info to him and he is hysterical with laughter.
I do not find this funny....yet!

There was a man on a bench when I went in and when I ran out. He saw the whole thing and never said a word to me. What an ass. Oh I know I am the blind old woman who went in there to begin with but he could have said something since he was sitting right outside the door for heaven’s sake.

Can you imagine what the man with the little white sneakers was thinking when he looked over at my stall with my red painted toes in flip flops? When I told that to my husband that made him laugh all the harder. He thought if it had been him in the stall next to me he might have said something to the woman in next stall over with the painted toes. But then again he thought maybe the old man figured he was in the wrong bathroom and was afraid to say anything or come out.

Oh my God is all I can say.
What the hell is with the 2 of us for having 2 weekends in a row with bathroom issues? Is this a sign of old age? First him on a walking trail and me in the boys room. And of all places – Wal-Mart where you couldn’t find a good looking guy unless he is standing by the cash register waiting for his blind wife to leave the boys room!!!!

Random items thrown together

It's been an odd week for me. Can't really put my finger on the exact "why" but it has been. Been out of sorts so no blogging in the last week either. But I am coming out of my fog and thought I'd drop some random thoughts.

* I am thrilled that my man Obama has gotten the nomination for the democratic party!

* I read where my new boyfriend Gerard Butler is making a movie with Katherine Heigel. I suspect another romantic comedy and I am happy about that.(insert swooning here)

* We have been having some really bizarre weather for the mid Atlantic region. Yesterday tornado's and tree's falling on people while driving and killing them. We don't normally get tornado's so this was very odd....and sad.

* My Yankees are in the cellar and there doesn't seem to be a way out for them this year. (insert heavy sigh here) I'm sad but in my lifetime there haven't been a lot of these so I guess I shouldn't whine....but I will at times I'm sure - be warned.

*Speaking of baseball my FAVORITE show in the summer is "MY BOYS" if you haven't seen this show - what the hell have you been watching in the summer?"
This show is so damn good. It's quick, it's witty,and it's just plain fun. I love the whole concept. This pretty young thing named PJ is the lead. She is a sports writer for a chicago newspaper. Her friends are all men with the exception of one very pretty foo-foo girl named Stephanie. It's a great balance for her because she can sometimes be too much of a tom-boy and Stephanie will reel her in, in a cute way but she will never be like Steph. Which is a good thing. PJ reminds me of my friend Kathy. Cute as hell, the boys loved her and she was most comfortable in their world and she never really knew how damn pretty she was.
I like all the characters because to me they are so real. I have to say that while I have so many favorites it truly makes me laugh when one of the guys, Brendan, is on this list that is published as one of the years Sexy Bachelors in Chicago and he really changes. They all decide to have an intervention - a "Douchebag Intervention." It's hysterical to me. Check it out on TBS.com or TBS this Thursday on the 12th. Hey I don't even get paid for this. I would so do advertising for this show - for free - I love it that much!!

* It's hot as all get out here. In the 90's and the same with the humidity. Going to the lake tomorrow and hopefully now the lake is warmer than 63 degrees so I can jump in with my floating chair and have my favorite beverage.

* I watch the CBS evening news, yes I am the one. I saw Katie interview 8 women who were Hillary supporters. She was asking them who they thought they would vote for. I found it interesting that they weren't sure. They really think Hillary was robbed because she was female. They think it was all a sexist plot? Really? Not because she was abrasive, a bully, had PAC or Lobbyist money, or that you had to take Bubba too, or that they have entitlement issues because the Clinton's think they just should ALWAYS WIN or that she is polarizing? So now they think they are confused? WTF?
You can't vote by gender ONLY you dip shits. DUH!

* David Sedaris has a new book out. Check him out from this week's The Daily Show.
http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=171033&title=david-sedaris
I defy anyone to read his books and not laugh out loud.

* As ya'll know I am a TV fan. This week on WGN there has been a 70's sitcom extravaganza. Each day is a different 70's show. The first episode is the premiere episode. Then the other 3 are favorites with 1 of them being the absolute fan favorite. Monday was Mary Tyler Moore night. The favorite was the clown funeral and I still think that is funny. Tuesday was Barney Miller. I remember when the show about them eating hashish brownies first aired. It was so forward thinking for the times. Funny as hell too. Last night was Taxi. I love Louie DiPalma - 'nuff said. Tonight I don't care about - it's Welcome Back Kotter. Didn't even like it in the 1970's But after MTM, Friday's is what I can't wait for. WKRP in Cinncinati. I used to absolutely love this show. I had read somewhere that the reason you don't see this show on Nick-at-Nite or TVLAND is because of the licensesing rights to the music. It is not cost effective. So I guess they paid a boat load of money to show these 4 episodes. Do you remember when they dropped turkeys from the plane for a thanksgiving promotion? And as the poor turkeys were plummeting to the ground they were in horror because the numbnuts thought turkeys could fly? The head of the radio stations says, "As God is my witness I thought Turkeys could fly." Trust me it was funny. It was a very much not a politically correct society then. Now PETA would be in an uproar even though it was fiction. I wish we could go back to being less politically correct dont' you? You can have humor without hurting anyone really you can. Humor people is good for the soul.

Does a Bear Shit in the Woods?

What a crazy weekend.

We were on the lake riding around on the boat burning gas like every good American over the holiday weekend. We were returning home from our new favorite Tiki Bar on the lake. All of a sudden my hubby announces that he has to go to the bathroom and NOW. We are not even close to home and it's just as far to go back to the Tiki Bar and apparently he can't wait from the way he is driving the boat.

As I sit up front I see him heading straight towards what appears to be a deserted island. Either way too damn fast heading straight to this land mass.

Now we have been known to anchor our boat at one of the 31 islands throughout the lake and have a picnic or just anchor and play in the water but this was a bit different. He did not slowly go towards the island and anchor. Oh no! As I sat in the front he was going full speed ahead to this land mass. I yelled, "what the hell are you doing?" He yelled back, "I can't make it home!"

We went right up to the sand and he almost fell out of the boat, his foot caught the top as he went tumbling over to a tree and tied up the boat. He grabbed the toilet paper(which he carries in the glove box which is a whole other blog)and ran like the wind into the woods. I, being the ever good wife, am laughing hysterically at him. All I could do was laugh....and take pictures of course.





He comes back out of the woods shaking his head with a bit of a smirk. I asked if he felt better. He laughed and said, "Yes, but there is a walking trail here. We have to go."

"NO!  You've got to be kidding me! Are you sure it's an actual trail?"
He said, "Well, as I was...you know...a couple was walking and I looked over and saw the husband steer his wife/girlfriend in the other direction looking appalled. I was mortified too but I couldn't get up at that moment. So we really should leave - quickly.
For God's sake do you think you could put the damn camera down Margaret, please?"





He begins to push the boat off the land and he jumps in the boat.
I am still laughing and he is a bit pissed at me. But c'mon it's damn funny.
As we made our way around the island we realized that this was a new part of the state park and not only was there a new guarded beach there but also walking trails. OH MY GOD.
He wasn't kidding me.
There were a million antidotes going through my head but decided to not share them with him because he was already mortified by this whole event.
One thing is for sure, My husband is never boring!!
He always keeps me laughing!(I removed all pix w/his face to protect the "innocent" but check out the TP under his arm...that cracks me up!)

The World According to American Idol

Okay do the judges know who won before the rest of us do? Hmmmm.....
Is it fixed? Another head scratcher isn't it?

Something seemed fishy to me when Simon apologized to David Cook. Don't get me wrong I thought it was lovely and wonderful for him to realize that he can be such a schmuck and that by no means did Archuleta have it in the bag. But it just seemed a bit off to me that he did it when he did. But then again I am misanthropic and pessimistic at best so you tell me.

While I may be the above aforementioned adjectives I also think I have a great idea here.
Now hear me out please....but tell me what you think.

We do the U.S. Presidential election just like American Idol.
We are just about complete now with the elimination phase of lousy singers...err I mean politicians and it is down to 2, I mean 3 of them.
(Didn’t someone just throw in their hat for the libertarian party?)

We DO NOT hear from them except on the evening of the shows telecast.
(very important tid-bit)

There will be 2 weeks of this contest.
Tuesday nights we see them "perform." They will talk about the issues they wish to talk about and then do their stumping. The 2nd half of the show they will have Ryan Seacrest give them questions that have been sent in from American’s via online and/or called in. They must give the American people their answers on the spot.

Then America votes on who should be eliminated by phoning in and or voting online. Only 1 vote per person who is of legal age and a legal American citizen. (C'mon Bill Gates can figure out how that can be done for us I'm sure...or Oprah she knows everything.)

Then on Wednesday night it's the results show. That will eliminate 1 of the 3.
The remaining 2 have a set amount of time to address any other issues they wish to address and it's a short show. The eliminated contestant will not have to sing through the tears though - we'll just forgo that step.

Now we are down to 2 candidates.
The following Tuesday we do it all again as stated above.
Both candidates get to have their "15-30 minutes" to do their thing.
The American public then gets to vote once again without ever having to leave their home and put on pants. Hell for that matter they don't even have to put down the cheese doodles.

The following Wednesday there is a 2 hour special results show. Ryan will have on former presidents speaking, senators and other assorted politico’s to entertain.
Then Ryan will read who the American public has voted for. The new President elect will grab the podium and they will drop the confetti. Smiling proudly he/she will give their thank you speech at the end.
Ta-Da - it's over.

Just think - no listening to this garbage and bickering for months/years. No whining. Move on with your life. No longer becoming desensitized by all the noise. No commercials about them either. No more hearing, “And I approved this message”

Remember we don't see commercials about each Idol wannabe - just commercials advertising for the upcoming show. You must watch the show. You must do your own homework. No shit. Imagine having to do your own reading about the facts instead of listening to the snarky sound bites and believing the hype and bullshit.
No info about the behind the scenes and who is banned from backstage. (like Bubba - and you know you saw that coming)

I say everything just like American Idol. What do ya think?

I think you'd get more people to vote then wouldn't you?

Sick as a Dog

Where did that expression come from anyway?

Hubby brought home this damn cold, flu, sickness - whatever you wish to call it.
I have a sore throat that is beyond anything I have ever experienced. I have very little voice. Which is not a good thing when your job is the phone.

We spent yesterday wrapped up in blankets on the couch sleeping on and off and watching movies. Currently sitting on the coffee table in front of the sofa where we were holed up all weekend is dayquil, nyquil, theraflu, Ibuprofen, coldeze, assorted sugar free sore throat lozengers and boxes of kleenex. We have never been sick at the same time so it's been interesting.

Normally it's me first and he is making vats of homemade soup for me and taking care of me. When he's down I do the same in return - minus the homemade soup - mine is from a can because I am not good at homemade soup. He is the King of homemade soups! Martha Stewart would not only be proud, but jealous at his level of expertise on soups. I know, who knew?

Yesterday we sipped on homemade chicken noodle soup that we froze from the last time he made a batch. Hubby can't make a batch for 2 people - he must make a vat to feed a small country. Then we load up the freezer and Thank God for that yesterday!!! It was delicious and soothing. We were like 2 kids eating it yesterday, all the while slurping and just not giving a shit about manners. It was so good on the throat and was just what we needed. We went back and forth wtih soup,nap, medications, juice, naps and did it all over again.

We watched the movie Juno yesterday during one of those few hours where we were awake. We found it just was okay - not all that like the buzz surrounding it. Or maybe I would have liked it more if the buzz hadn't been so loud. I don't know. It was quirky and it was interesting which normally we both gravitate towards but when it was over we looked at each other and went - "hmm, it wasn't THAT great."

Also could have been the myriad of medications we were mixing up as well. Who knows.
I know that I am thankful I can work in my pajama's that is for sure today. I feel so badly for my husband because not only did he have to go to work today but it's his birthday. What a lousy birthday for him. I made him his favorite cake which he had 1 piece of yesterday. He had it because it was there more than he really wanted it ya know?

He asked for my homemade eggrolls for dinner tonight. He asked for those prior to getting sick so I am not sure that is going to be what he feels like eating when he gets home. So I have to make those today but I can at least work and make dinner in my pj's with no makeup on and not have to deal with the general public like he is having to do today. Poor guy. But we have a long weekend coming up and I hope to make it up to him. :-)

Right now we are just looking forward to being able to breath through both nostrils, to sleep without waking from all the coughing, and to be able to swallow and not feel like there are chards of glass in our throat. If we could just get a weekend without all that we will have a great weekend to look forward to.

Boy it's a sad state of affairs when you think that makes a good weekend isn't it?
Oh Happy Birthday Big Boy!

Are you Scottish?

I have decided that it is official ..... I have a thing for Scottish Men.
Who knew? Mmmmm yummy.

My hubby is adopted but after finding his birth mom he discovered that he is only Irish on his mom's side and Irish and Scottish on his father’s side. That could explain a lot I suppose.

If you’ve been reading this regularly you know I have a crush on Craig Ferguson. Or as he is known here on my blog, my boyfriend. And now after watching the movie, P.S. I love you twice my new crush is Gerard Butler. Hummina hummina hummina.
Manly man. Like husband. Ooooh!!!

I watched P.S. I Love You from PPV and recorded it. Last night there was nothing on TV so my husband said he wanted to watch it and did I want to watch it again? Assuming it wouldn’t make me cry the 2nd time around I said sure.

I cried just as much for heaven’s sake I’m such a wuss.
But my big ole hunky hubby did the same thing. In the first couple frames I see him wiping his eyes. Ahh I love the ole softie. He liked the movie and his quote was, “This was far better than I thought...good movie.”
It made you laugh a lot. Yes, it was moving, but it was also funny.
Like life ya know?
Harry Connick Jr.’s character was a hoot! I loved him in this.

So my weekend plans are to find what other movies this hunk-a-hunk-a burning love has been in and of course I’ll just have to add this man to my LIST.....tee hee

Realtor Musings

Is it just hubby and me or are all female realtors snotty arrogant simpletons?

Because the nature of our business I have to endure many many calls from realtors looking to have their clients have us do work for them to move a sale quickly.
There has NEVER been a single female realtor that doesn’t say the following 2 things.Male realtors never utter either of these phrases. Why is that?
1. Are you any good?
2. If you do a good job for me then I will send a lot of business your way.

My God what company says anything other than Yes to that dumb question?
It falls in line with asking a waitress if the soup is any good. Do you honestly think she is going to tell you it sucks as does all the food here? No. Not going to happen.
But number 2 really makes me laugh. They are so incredibly snotty and arrogant when they say this to me in their tone that even today it takes me aback. I so want to say back to them, “Oh it's a good thing you said that because we would have just done a real shitty job otherwise.”

When my hubby and I were living in the Pacific Northwest we were in front of a house waiting on the realtor to meet with us. As we sat in the car my husband looked in his rear view mirror as a car pulled in behind us, “I think this may be her, she’s in a Lexus.” (translation: realtor car) Indeed it was the realtor we were meeting for the first time in person. While hubby was looking in his rear view mirror something possessed me to put down my visor and look in the visor mirror. I’m glad I did because if he had told me what I was about to see I wouldn’t have believed my husband.

As she got out of her car she systemically fluffed the bleached blonde straw like hair, pulled UP her skirt and pulled DOWN the zipper on her blazer to show enough cleavage to be just shy of completely falling out of her top. (She was not wearing a blouse under this blazer.) My husband and I looked at one another and began to laugh. I said, “well you’ve been talking to her, did you not tell her I was coming too?” He laughed and said, “I told her that my wife and I would meet her so who knows, but this is pretty damn funny. She looks ridden hard and put away wet though don’t ya think?”
That phrase of his cracks me up but boy it couldn’t have fit her more perfectly.
I wonder how she would have reacted had we asked if she was any good?

I went to real estate school last year. It was filled with Stepford-like women and vacant-eyed men.
I know, I know, you're saying to yourself, “Margaret that is a horrific stereotype.” You would be correct in saying that I realize, but in my case I have yet to meet one, talk to one, or have one work with me on selling my home that isn’t a complete and utter simpleton. (Don’t even get me started on their utter lack of sales and negotiating skills...that’s a whole other blog day.)
I needed the class to learn things for my flipping business but I could not be a realtor. At least I sure don't think so. This class showed me that this was like a secret club that I was not informed of to attend these classes. They wore the same clothes all had the same hair and it was all done with the same attitude that it was astounding to me. I am not sure how they let me into this school. I felt just like on Sesame Street when they would sing “one of these things is not like the others.”

I Married a Hillbilly

When I tease my husband and call him a big ole goober he always corrects me and says to me, “hey I’m a hillbilly.” I always laugh but by God it’s official now – he is.

To rewind for a minute.....

I met hubby back in 1987. He was good looking and very well dressed. He loved to travel and was smart with a quick wit and sophisticated compared to most of the local yokels I was meeting while living in that little town.

I knew he wasn’t from there just by looking at his dress and demeanor and I assumed he was from a big city and just there for his career as a pit stop. But he corrected me and told me he was from a very small town in central PA – an old coal mining town. He told me his little town had 2 traffic lights on either ends of town. He talked about how he always wanted to leave and we bonded over that need to move on and travel.

Fast forward a few years and he was taking me back to his hometown to meet his mom. We went 1 block and we went through a traffic light and a blinking light at the end of the block. That was the town. What a hoot! Everywhere we went everyone knew him. Whether it was the local pharmacy or the local bar. Everyone called out his name and couldn't wait to see him and pat him on the back. Think Mayberry and what it's like for Andy to walk down the street - same thing here.

He had such a different upbringing. I thought living in the suburbs of a city made me a little bit more country – NOT EVEN CLOSE. He hunted and fished and ate things that I would never eat and most would consider road kill. Of course with an Italian mom their road kill had “sauce” on it.

Over the years we have shared stories of our lives and his always make me giggle. They are Leave It To Beaver meets the Beverly Hillbillies – without the money. I love to tease him about this when he walks out with two different color socks on (okay he’s a bit color blind but it’s still too easy of a target not to tease him!) or when he knows all the critters in a jeopardy category because as he says, he was “critter boy” growing up.

He received his invitation to his class reunion this weekend. (the last one he never got an invite due to moving) He opened the mail and he was laughing so hard I had to ask what the hell was so funny. He didn't speak he just handed me the invitation and I read it and then looked up at him with my mouth open.

“Is this for real or is this a joke?”

“Sadly Margaret this is for real. I told you I was a hillbilly”

“But what really strikes me as funny is not the fact that they are doing it this way but that it’s back by popular demand. Oh My God Rick.”
 He read it aloud while wiping the tears from his eyes.
“We have decided to make this reunion another casual affair, and celebrate “redneck” style, for the last one seemed to be a big hit. Come dressed in your Camo or Orange and join your classmates in a relaxing evening of fun and reminiscing.”

For you city folks here is the translation.....Camo = camouflage. Orange = orange hunting gear. (oh my!!)

“Margaret we’ll have to go shopping I haven’t a thing to wear”

“Oh, I don’t think I can attend Rick, I don’t look good in orange and without the right clothes  I just couldn’t handle the peer pressure”

Puzzles

Thought I'd send a picture of the puzzle I completed and of course the Blue one which mocks me.



These pieces are small and I am apparently someone who rode the short bus to school. I got all the non-blue pieces in the "Blue Puzzle" and then it just became blue. And then I screamed.

The Kentucky Derby and other Friday Ramblings

I finally finished the sandwich puzzle. YIPEE. In reality that didn’t take too long. It drove me nuts until I finished it. I mean the salami looked a lot like the pepperoni. I know you’re thinking....how can that be are you blind?
Sort of, but even with the reading glasses on it honestly did look the same.
Hubby is still working on the BLUE puzzle. I refuse. I swear that puzzle mocks me.


Speaking of blind I am now of the age that I can’t read a friggin’ thing without my bifocals. Honestly it has become hysterical. I mean if you don’t laugh you will cry.
The other morning I was trying to read something on my vitamin bottle. I couldn’t read it so I put on my glasses. Still couldn’t read it. Put it under a lamp with said glasses on and still couldn’t make it out. So I handed it to my husband who with bifocals couldn’t read it. So then we turned the lights on above the kitchen island and held it directly underneath....neither of us could read this and we began to laugh like we were delirious. Rick looked at me and said, “I think our next step is going to be Braille.”
I stopped laughing for a moment and realized he is probably correct.
I believe with all my heart that this old age shit is depressing but if you don’t find the humor & laugh it seriously can drive you crazy. Those old people who mumble to themselves....they are just frustrated because their arthritis is killing 'em, they can’t see where they are going,they can’t remember where they parked the car and they can’t see the numbers on their cell phone to call for assistance. That is me in a few more years....who the hell am I kinding it’s closer than that.


We saw Helen Hunt on my boyfriends show (Craig Ferguson in case you aren’t paying attention) We used to love, love, love her show Mad About You. My hubby had a crush on Helen. Since she was on my boyfriends show we DVR'd it and watched it this morning over our coffee. Start the day with us both smiling.


What happened next is such a telling sign of our society and it’s quite sad actually. She came out in a beautiful red dress looking amazing. I only wish I could wear a dress that form fitting and look so good. Anyway, Rick looked over at me and said, “she hasn’t succumbed to having all that work done on her face. Look at her jowls and eyes. Good for her.” 

I responded, “Think about that. You actually had to comment on the fact that she looks normal for her age. For you to comment on that in any way means that looks foreign to you.” 

He thought about that for a moment and said, “My God I have turned into THEM. How disgusting.” And without missing a beat he stated, “Well I’d do her.”
Gee, thanks for sharing...I’m sure Helen will be thrilled to hear that.


This weekend is the Kentucky Derby. I loved going to the Derby. For me it had nothing what so ever to do with horses racing. I was in my 20’s and it was all about just having a damn good time.


The 1st year I went with my friend Craig and his friends and we all drove down following each other in 2 cars. The 2nd time my friend Craig rented an RV and invited all his friends, his brother and me. That was a hoot but I didn’t know anyone other than Craig and his brother but after 2 ½ days with people in an RV you get to know ‘em fast. The poor kid with intestinal issues on the RV was getting known rather quickly. We had to stop the RV and all run out for fresh air. I still remember that poor kid’s name. He took a lot of abuse but it was funny at the time.


The 3rd time I went I went with the same crew in an RV and brought another girlfriend of mine to add to the mix. She and I got the idea that we could do this with better food and more organization for less money if we rented the RV and we invited our friends. So we went out and rented the RV the following year, we planned the menus so the food was more than just junk food that the boys brought. We bought the booze and we each invited the same amount of guests a piece. My friends didn’t know hers and vice versa. The entire trip down there took 8 hours. The first hour is quiet. No one really knows anyone and it’s a bit awkward. The booze began to flow and some funny cigarettes were in circulation. The 2nd hour everyone is loud and talking, laughing and generally yukking it up. I do remember there were card games and such going on as well.


The deal between she and I was that who ever drove down must of course be the designated driver and then we would switch so that no one got stuck being the sober one both ways. That seemed fair and childish in retrospect but we were in our 20’s. At least we were smart enough to not party while being the driver.


By the time we get there everyone knows everyone else pretty darn well. Instead of junk food I remember making meatball hoagies. I remember “brownies” I remember the booze, I even remember steaks and eggs for breakfast with mimosas. But I don’t remember any other foods. Yet I remember planning menus together prior to the trip.
Oh my spotty memory.


I remember driving home and all of us in the RV thought that people were really being friendly – we thought it must be a southern thing. Oh this still cracks me up because everyone was going by us and honking and waving at us. We were smiling, laughing and waving back to them, utterly clueless.  Someone said, "Wow the southerners sure are friendly" 

Come to find out that we were losing things that were tied up to our RV, like lawn chairs flying onto the highway. Oh yea they were friendly – duh! They were just trying to tell us with the honking and the wild waving of their arms that things were coming off our RV and being strewn about on the highway. My God we could have hurt someone. But oh no, we think they are just so damn friendly down south and we smiled and waved back at them and honked our horns too. What idiots. They must have thought we were incredibly stupid to say the least. (damn yankees) But it is kind of funny.


During the actual running of the horses, we were all inside the track with all the other young crazy partiers. You know the area they DON’T show on TV. They only show the fancy pants people with the dresses and pretty hats.


I remember my friend who we couldn't find because she just walked off.  So 2 of us walked around for over an hour looking for her...all the while carrying and drinking mint juleps of course....we found her sleeping on a chair that belonged to God knows who. She just laid down on someone’s chaise type lawn chair and took a nap. (okay probably more like passed out) Everyone totally oblivious to her and they were all around her talking, laughing, partying and celebrating God knows what. It was hysterical.


I also remember the first time I went to the Derby with Craig. I ordered the mint julep because everyone was doing it. I had no idea what was in it. Oh my God I am such an idiot.
It was awful. First I kept throwing out the “weed” they put on the top. Craig asked at one point what I was doing and I said I don’t get the whole green weed thingy they put on this. He shakes his head and laughs at me, “Peg it’s mint, hence the name of the drink.” "whoops" With embarrassment and shame for my hillbilly ways I drank this horrible drink even though I thought it was dreadful. I really liked the glasses the drinks came in and thought as most 20 somethings would, “hey I could use a set of these babies- I really need glasses.” So I drank 6 of ‘em so I could bring home a set of glasses. Now don’t laugh!  I bitched about the taste after every single sip/chug. I mean it’s only whisky over ice with mint. It is dreadful. For a gin drinker this was not good. But I prevailed and every year got my set of 6 glasses with that years date &  fancy picture printed on them to take home a set. Martha Stewart would be so proud.


So have a mint julep this weekend and enjoy the Derby. I’ll toast all those crazy kids inside the track with gin in a beautiful glass from William Sonoma. I’ve grown up...ever so slightly.