Naked

God made me chubby so I would keep my clothes on.

That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

I do not like to wear clothes. Could I live in a nudist colony? Hell no.

Never, even if I looked like a supermodel. 

But I do like to be unencumbered by clothing.

When I was a younger woman and I was living with Rick, he got very upset one day when he came home to find me cleaning naked because he brought a friend home with him.  

Thankfully, I had time to run down the hall to put on clothes.  Whew.

Rick was not happy with me. He asked if he had to ring the bell or knock first at his own home.  I said if I'm naked, I won't answer.  We didn't have cell phones back then, so I had to wear some clothing in case he brought someone home.

When I was 23 and married to my first husband, Rick (Rick #1), I was ironing in my panties only.  It was a Saturday and he had to work. I cleaned and then began to iron.  The ironing board began to fold as I was ironing. I moved forward to grab everything, and the iron landed on my left breast, and I heard the sizzle. You never forget the sizzle sound.

Oooooh, it hurt. 

I immediately went into the bathroom for cold water and to look through my medical creams and ointments for a burn.  By the time Rick #1 came home, it had formed a very clear picture of the iron, the point, and each steam hole.  He insisted I go to the ER.  I said Oh, sure and tell them what exactly when they asked what I did.  Tell them you were ironing. Then laughing, he said, but I think they will know from just looking at your boob.  Great. 

He was insistent I go to the ER. So I got dressed, putting on a bra was painful for my left boob. On the way to the hospital, he says to me, "I know you wish you were flat-chested, but ironing it is not the way to do it."  

And he bursts into laughter.  I even laughed.  Oh brother, I'm an idiot. I will be abused for this for a long, long time. 

Oh no, the ER doc couldn't have been an old guy.  Nope, a young, cute one.

He took one look at my boob and looked at me, and I said to him, "This is going to be an ER story, isn't it?"  

He said, "Oh of course not, we've seen worse."  I didn't believe him.

To this cute young doctor, this was a bad burn.  I had the lecture.

I got creams and Rx for this.

He told me what to expect.  He suggested I keep it covered if I must wear a bra. He told me that the rubbing of the lace or fabric on the bra would be painful, and other assorted things I really didn't want to hear. 

But that's all my ex, Rick, had to hear: it's better not to wear a bra. 

On the way home, I had to listen to the logic on no bra and that a 2nd degree burn isn't anything to take lightly.  yeah yeah yeah

I never ironed naked again.  I also don't walk around naked anymore for fear of who's going to knock on my door. And btw, it did not leave a scar. The cute young doctor who said to do all these steps and it wouldn't scar was right. 

Rick says he's being punished for what the first guy said. So no naked Tuesdays for me.  Nope, it's because a higher power decided the only way this gal will keep her clothes on is if I make her chubby.  😁 So he did.