Best Advice

 It's been a week since my last confession.

HA. That is from my Catholic upbringing, and I can assure you, if you didn't get that line, you are lucky because you didn't have 12 years of catechism.

Rick and I were enjoying the evening on the patio when the discussion of the best advice ever given came up.  I asked Rick what the best advice anyone had given him was.  He immediately said his father gave him 2 - 

*When hired, do more than what they're paying you for.

*Always use the best tools you can afford.  

He laughed and asked if my dad had given me any advice. He laughed like crazy after he asked this, knowing full well there would be no good advice from my father. Nope, not my dad.  I had to really think about this. 

I couldn't think of any mentor, boss, friend, acquaintance, etc. Then I remembered my mom telling me something before she died. 

I smiled and Rick said, "Think of something?"  

Yes, but I'm not sure you could call it advice.

I reminded him of me telling him that when my mom was dying, I was home alone with her. She was bedridden at the time. I was sitting on her bed with her. I was 13. I remember the smell of the room, her skin, and how I felt. 

It is so vivid. If only I could remember where my keys and phone are like I remember this day.

On this day, my mom told me all she wanted to tell me before she left this world. It was a lot, and I cried through most of it, but I remember every single thing she said.

This one thing to me is like advice.

My mom was holding my hand and told me to always respect my father, but when he tells you that you can't do something because you're a girl, don't listen to him.  I want you to believe in here (as she hit her chest) that you can do anything you want to do. So don't talk back to him, but always remember he is wrong on this topic.  You can be anything, Peggy, remember that. She said it 3x while rubbing my hand. She asked me if I understood, and I said I did. 

Now that is no big deal to most. But if you knew my father, it is a huge deal.

You see, to him, I had the lovely choices of being a nun, a secretary, a nurse, or a teacher. Then I was to get married and have babies and not work outside the home. Cater to a man.  He actually told me once that I would find great fulfillment in taking care of a man. HA, fulfillment.

Oh, that is so not Peg.

Rick asked if I thought that was really advice?  

Yep, I do.  As a teen, when Dad would say my head was in the clouds or that this wasn't for girls. I would prove him wrong. I never disrespected him, but if I could find a workaround, I would show him I could do this. I had to walk a fine line. So yes, I do think that advice has served me well. I won't let anyone tell me what I can and can't do. I am not fighting authority per se, but as soon as you tell me it's not for a woman, I'll show you you're wrong. Until I was 41, I was always respectful of my father.  I never said anything I wanted to say.  I kept it inside. If you did try to talk to him about this stuff, he would shut down, so I just let it go. 

At 41, my father told me I was a disappointment. We (Rick and I) were celebrating a big success I had with my career. Rick was so proud of me. My personal cheerleader.  My father belittled him and said, "so now she wears the  pants in the family?"  

Rick just laughed.  Then my father said, "if she's making that kind of money, then you are the henpecked-something or another  - I don't recall his bullshit. I do recall the word henpecked though.

Rick said, "George I don't care how the money gets in the house, just so it gets in the house. I am damn proud of her; she's worked her butt off for this, and you, too, should be proud of her. I'm her cheerleader and you should be too."

He huffed.

Later, when my stepmom and Rick were on the patio, my father said to me that I wasn't really a woman because I didn't have children, and I put my career ahead of children and my marriage.  I lost it on him!  I started by telling him I didn't wish to be disrespectful, but he was being disrespectful to me. Then off I went.  Never was this discussed again.

But the whole time he was telling me this garbage, I kept hearing my mom in my head telling me, Don't listen to him, you can be whatever you want to be, Peggy.  I may have lost one cheerleader, but I got another one, thank goodness.

What is the best advice anyone has ever given you?