Throw Back Sort of...

I mentioned yesterday how my husband brought me flowers, and I prayed they weren't from someone's yard.
I wrote this a while back. He loves to mess with me, and over the last 30 years, I have preferred not to be messed with. I still fall for some of the shit he pulls, some not so much. I hope I have learned something in 38 years.

Here are a couple of examples of things he has done to me in the past. 
We were driving through Cooks Forest in PA. 
We were on our way to visit his family. 


We are both quiet. I am enjoying the scenery from my side of the car. 
All of a sudden he starts to sniff. He keeps sniffing. 
I ask, "What do you smell? "

"Don’t you smell anything?"

"No I don’t."   sniff sniff

He opens his window all the way and sniffs some more. 

“Oh yeah. I smell hot sausage, pepper, and onion sandwiches. 
I’m guessing about 2 miles down the road. You really don't smell this?” 

I am now hanging my head out the window like a dog sniffing the air.
"I really don’t smell anything at all, Rick, beside the pine trees.
"Wow." He sniffs again. "I really smell it now, you really don't? Try it again."

So I get up on my knees and am hanging out the window like a golden retriever sniffing.
Then there it is – a clearing and a big silver food truck with a sign that says STOP. Hot sausage, pepper, and onion sandwiches.

"There it is. Oh my God, Rick, I can’t believe you smelled this." 

He pulls over and says, "Well, that made me hungry. Let’s have lunch."

I walk up to the window to place my order and tell the man that my boyfriend could smell these sandwiches 2 miles up the road. I went on and on like a damn fool. The sandwiches were good, and we sat outside on the picnic tables and had a nice little lunch on a beautiful sunny fall day.

On the way home, driving through Cooks Forest again, I see a sign that says, “HOT SAUSAGE SANDWICHES 2 MILES UP THE ROAD.”

I look at Rick, and he began to laugh. 

"There was a sign coming down here that I didn't see, wasn’t there?"

"Yep."

"So I made a complete ass of myself to that man when I ordered my sandwich?"

"Well, I was winking at him over your head – you were cute – it wasn’t that bad."
He was laughing like crazy at this point.

So not funny. I can’t believe I fell for his shit yet again.

"Oh, someday I am so going to get you back."

"Uh-huh."
______________
When I was living in Ohio, and he was in Pennsylvania, he came to visit one weekend with a beautiful potted plant that flowered. 
It was really nice. I had it in my apartment in a beautiful container, and everyone commented on it. 

One evening, I had some friends over, and 2 of the women kept asking me the name of this plant. I told them that I didn't know the Latin proper name, but Rick said they call it a “neighbor” plant. I continue, "You know, like this one here is called Epipremnum aureum, I believe, but generally, you just call it a pothos plant."  

Everyone nods their head, and that is that.
A year later, I am visiting Rick, and we are taking a walk in the early evening. We get to this house on the corner of his block that has been vacant for some time. 

We are discussing possible reasons why it hasn't been inhabited, because it was such a pretty house. As we walk around the one side of the rod iron fence, I notice all of these “neighbor” plants around the fence, and I point and say, “Wow, look at all these neighbor plants. They look so lovely here.” 

Immediately, Rick begins to laugh his ass off. Then it dawns on me….he stole a plant from this yard, and he made up this name. I asked him if that was indeed what he had done to me yet again, and he admitted to this crime.

"Why do you keep doing this to me? I told people this was called a neighbor plant. I look like an idiot now."

"Well, you’ll believe anything, and it's so much fun. How could I have told you after you told me that story?"

"You make me look like a damn fool, Richard."

"Nah, you’re a cute, gullible woman."

"Yes, that is exactly what the paper will say.  "Cute gullible woman kills man for always messing with her, jury lets her off because he was a charming, sadistic shit."

_______________
One evening a few years ago, we were watching Jeopardy he yelled out the question. "What is a Two-Toed Sloth?"  I begin to laugh. 
He paused the television to ask why I think that is so funny.  
Do I not believe him?  I call him Critter Boy, so why wouldn't Critter Boy know the name of this animal?
"Seriously, a Two-Toed Sloth? That doesn't even sound like a real thing. You can make things up better than that. C’mon, a two-toed sloth sounds like a neighbor plant to me."

He laughs and says, "Honestly, this is a real animal, Margaret. "

"Yeah, sure it is."

He unpauses the television, and the question was “What is a two-toed sloth?”

DAMN HIM!

And yet again, I look like the fool. 
_____________

I asked once while at the lake about this land mass jetting out by this marina.
He gave it a name. I never believed him. I would just laugh when he mentioned it. He, too, would laugh, so I was convinced he was lying. 

Five years later, I learned from an article in the Laker Magazine that it was indeed called what he said it was. 

I just choose to not believe him now. But you know that too will probably bite me in the ass, you'll see.