Oiy Vay

Now a great many of you may find these things no big deal.
I get that we are all different.
I just wish people like this wouldn't invite themselves to our home.

They arrived at 5:45p just in time for dinner on Friday.
First thing as they walked in they proclaimed - who the hell lives in these houses around here?
Meaning the big houses you drive by to get to my small home.
Rick and I choose to laugh and deflect and grabbed their suitcase and ushered them into our home from the foyer.

They saw me preparing food at the island and HE proclaimed - Good thing you're making dinner, I'm starved.  Rick and I choose to do a laid back evening at our home to chat, get reacquainted and drink and eat.  I immediately got them cocktails and I finished up dinner. I put out appetizers and they sat down on the sofa and chowed down on those until dinner was ready. I told them it was our Friday night special of pizza, wings and salad. I made a 7 layer salad and 2 different pizzas for the 3 of them. (since I can't eat pizza I made a great salad so I had something to enjoy too) and garlic butter wings.  I made a buffalo chicken wing pizza and a meat lovers pizza.  Of course I had dessert as well.  Everyone drank a lot and ate a lot. I guess it was good. rick said it was.  I only eat salad out of that bunch.

The evening went along with Rick and he catching up. She and I chimed in from time to time.
He bitches constantly about something. He is an angry man.  He also smells like death. But more of that later. He smokes a great deal so he went out on the patio a lot to have cigarettes. At one point he went off on something political and Rick told him we are not talking politics this weekend. We can agree to disagree on all topics and let it go. For some reason he listens to Rick. Not sure why, but thankfully he does. At one point in the evening he said something racist and Rick told him if he wishes to talk like that he can leave because he won't tolerate that kind of talk in his home. He said he was sorry and that was it, and we moved on. Whew.

We carried his bag up the flight of stairs to his guest room and showed them the lay of the land.
His guest room has its own bathroom. But he had to find something to bitch about and it was the stairs and the big fluffy towels in the bathroom. Who knew people didn't like big wrap yourself up in towels that are soft and fluffy?

By the time I went to bed I was exhausted. Bitch, bitch,bitch. Nothing makes this man happy.
Their children don't speak to them. They don't get to see their grandchildren. His daughter had a protection order out on him. I did not ask why, his wife mentioned it as I was cleaning up the kitchen and she was sitting on the island stools. I just nodded. I didn't care honestly. They are such goobers. I just smile a lot like a Stepford wife, being a hostess.

In the morning I made breakfast. He didn't like the fruit. I had mixed fruit, egg, sausage cheese casserole, and toast, coffee, juice, tea etc. 
So instead of not eating any of the fruit he has to proclaim loudly that he hates fruit.
I said, "Well Fred you don't have to eat it, that's fine."
Fred: "Good, no one should eat fruit  What kind of cheese is in this?"
Me: "shredded cheddar. do you not like cheese either?"
Fred: "No I like cheese, just making sure you put the right kind in there."
Yeah, who does that at someone's home? I have celiac disease and am not that awful. And it's not like he says this playfully. It's always mean and angry.  So I just keep smiling.

While waiting for Rick and his wife after breakfast he went outside to have a cigarette. It was a gorgeous fall day. I went out there and joined him at the table.  He said, "Hey look at all those squirrels in the trees and running across your garage roof."  
I said, "oh I know Izzy will sit back here and watch them for hours."
Fred: Oh boy I wish I had my guns
Me: You'd kill the squirrels?
Fred: Hell yeah.
Me: Fred do you enjoy the "hunt" or is it the kill you like so much?
Fred: Oh the kill.
My thoughts - yeah so did Jeffrey Dahmer.This was my last straw but for my hubby I am keeping a "Peggy" face and smiling when I want him the hell out of my house. Friggin' red neck. I even asked if he'd eat the squirrels. No, just wanna kill 'em he says.Yeah, I'd like to do the same to you right now buddy. Hunting is one thing, this is a whole 'nother disgusting thing.

Because we knew talking with them was more than we wanted to do with these hillbillies we had to have plans. We know he likes rum so we found a rum distillery in a small town 14 miles west of us. They both said that sounded like fun.
We drove out there and went to the distillery. We bought a tasting of hard cider first.Now I don't care for apple cider so I thought I wouldn't like this. Boy, was I wrong. It tasted like a very dry white wine. Yum.
He, of course, had to be dramatic and spit it out ON THE FLOOR in front of all the customers and loudly say, "that sucked"  I left that room.  We then went to another room with the tasting of rum and absinthe
Now we're having fun with all these strangers laughing, drinking, even trying each others by saying, drink from this side. We all choose different things. The absinthe was a cool ritual of sugar cubes and ice water over this strainer. It was very good. But he again proclaimed so loudly that this all sucked that someone yelled, then leave. Rick and I looked at one another and about died. He did. He walked outside, while his wife, Rick and myself had fun.  We met him outside where he said that wasn't any fun. We had fun she told him. She apologized for his behavior and we all just moved on.
Not a thank you for bringing us here, or you tried (and we paid) nope, only bitching.

We walked around this quaint little town. Bought some chocolates at a candy store where you can see them being made. Ooh boy nothing better than truffles. But of course he had to bitch about the prices. What the hell did he care, he never took out his wallet?  We then went to have lunch on a patio to enjoy the great sunny fall day. It is a bar but it has great food as well. Rick saw that on the menu they had a Cuban. He said he was going to get the Cuban sandwich. Fred asks what's in it? Rick goes down the list of pork loin, ham, pickles, the sauce, cheese etc. He too orders it. When it came he THREW it on the plate and said, "that  is too damn much pork."  Gee you think the fact that we told you pork and ham may have been a clue?  His wife yelled at him and he gave her a look and she stopped talking. Awkward.

Everywhere we went there were Washington Redskin flags. Outside a bar/restaurant, homes, businesses, etc. Because we live in the DC Metro area of course that is the hometown team.
He who only wears black and gold Steeler garb from head to toe. (no shit  - no exaggeration even his sneakers) had to make a smart ass comment when entering anywhere with this flag. Never quietly either. Finally, Rick told him that it wasn't polite to do that in someone else's home. Everyone can see by your clothes who your team is so knock it off. 
Honestly, who does that shit? I wouldn't go to Boston and mutter bad things under my breath or loudly proclaiming they suck. You don't go to someones home and rip them apart. I am polite. I do not tell them they suck and my team is better. That is my opinion and I am in their town for God's sake!

We strolled around this little town and headed back at 5p to pick up my dog from daycare. 
I grilled up some garlic shrimp and some other little nibbles for them to have before we went out for dinner. We were going to hand out candy for Halloween and then out for the evening. 

At dinner he made a remark calling this place gour - MET. 
I think he thought saying that was funny.
It wasn't, but I smiled.  Again he went into a tirade about something and Rick said, 'Fred why are you so angry man? You were never like this."
Fred said he wasn't angry. His wife said, "See I tell him that all the time."  Fred asked Rick, do you really think I'm angry? Rick said, "yea, you're an angry old man"  They both laughed and Fred looked at me and said, "Peg do you think I'm angry?"  Trying to be nice for Rick I say, "Well Fred you are a bit of a curmudgeon"  
Now he got really angry and said, "what the hell did you just call me?"  
Rick jumped in and said, she said a curmudgeon Fred that's not a bad word. 
He is riled up now, "What the hell does that even mean?" We both explain. 
While it seemed to calm him he still wasn't sure. He and his wife  both had never heard this word before. (I know!) 
When the waitress came over he said to her, "Do you know what a curmudgeon is?"  
This young girl says laughing, "oh I sure do, we call my grandfather that!"  
Fred asked her again, "What does it mean?"  She said, "a cranky old guy"
Now he seems happy to know that I didn't call him anything awful just a cranky old guy.
He looked at me and said, "Okay I can live with that" Whew we all laughed.
His wife kicked me under the table and nodded at me.  I just smiled.

That evening when everyone went upstairs to bed I stayed downstairs. I emptied the dishwasher and put on the world series. I just enjoyed the quiet. I needed the quiet.
Then I remembered that Fred didn't like our coffee or our choices of cream, 1/2 and 1/2 so i ran to the store and bought milk and coffee he'd like. didn't want to start off his day with him grumpy

In the morning I made breakfast and was sure to not have fruit. He noticed I got milk and said, "hey you got milk"  I said, yes I wanted you to have some "good coffee" as you said. 
His wife thanked me, he wouldn't do that.

When they left Rick asked if I thought Fred smelled funny. I laughed and said, Like death.
He said, 'yes, like he's sick or dying" I said I know, but I heard you ask him about his health and all that kind of stuff. He told you he was in great shape and patted your pot belly and told you that you better do something about that. I asked Rick if he thought he was deflecting or he doesn't know he's sick.  We assumed that if he is sick he doesn't know it. His skin is gray and he looks like he's not getting oxygen. It was weird.

He wouldn't go up and down our stairs and would ask me or his wife to fetch things for him. He left his wallet in his room so I went up and got it. He kept forgetting things and she or I would get them so he didn't have to do the steps. He's too young to be behaving like this. He said he didn't have knee issues. (Lucky him)
He asked Rick how he does these stairs and Rick said, I'm used to them but I'm also ready for a ranch.  Rick asked if he had been to a doctor or a cardiologist to see how his ticker was and he said he was fine and had to reason to go. We dropped it.  But we thought perhaps he had some blockage and that was why his skin was not pink.

I am leaving a boat load of horror stories out. But you get the general gist of things.
When they left I went to the guest room to strip the bed and gather towels and things to do laundry. They left it like a rock star.  Things were strewn about like you wouldn't have believed. 
I just shook my head and picked up everything and did the laundry. My room may be a mess but if I am company I do not leave that for the hostess to clean up after me. Have they never learned manners?

I feel badly for him in a way. Why the hell would someone be so damn angry?
His wife was tolerable it is just that I have nothing in common to talk about.  
She's odd, simple and trashy looking but overall compared to Fred she is nice and isn't mean. When Fred asked how we advertise and I went into our marketing I just confused them. So I broke things down, like each time you see our name in a search on google and you click our name, we pay for each of those clicks. They didn't know that. I tried to explain some others but if you don't do this I suppose this is confusing although most understsand.  So I asked if they were familiar with Houzz to tell them what I was doing for our countertop company because that was new and I was enjoying that. They never heard of that. So I asked about her waitress job at a big hotel and her company and just tried to keep things on them.  Easier. I did not want to make them feel bad about anything so it was just easier to talk about them.

Rick said after the visit he was sorry he opened that box. I  said I was too.

He thanked me for holding my tongue he knew it must be bleeding my now.
He said he thought my head was going to explode a few times. He also stated that he knew there were a few times when I got up and left the room and acted like I was getting myself something just to walk away. I laughed and said, Yep I did indeed do that. 
And he thanked me again.
But don't ever do this to me again Rick!