Parents

I'm watching my parents fade. It's so sad.
As I have stated here before my mom died when I was 13 and I vividly remember telling a friend who's parents were getting a divorce that I wish my parents would have been divorced because I could still see them both that way.

I wish it was as simplistic as that now.
My Dad will be 86 in a couple of weeks.
My step-mom, who has been my mom longer than my real mom, is 14 yrs younger at 72 in March.
When she married Dad she was only 27 and Dad was 41. 
Both young really. At the time I thought they were both so old. 
My step mom is old in spirit, I think that is why it worked.

Dad is frail now. 
The big burly man he used to be is now a small frail man. I guess his weight to be 115lbs, maybe less.
He was 200lb at one point. Hard to see. 
He is incredibly forgetful, yet my mom tells me the doctor assures her he doesn't have Alzheimer's disease he's just getting old. Apparently he's been tested and that made him mad.

My mom sounded stressed to the max.
She still works. She is and has been raising 3 children of a narcissistic drug addicted pathological liar of a sister that I have. (she falls at number 4 on the list of sisters)

The first grandchild was born crack addicted. 
It was so sad to see her shake and go through withdrawal. 
A tiny helpless innocent baby. 
Today she is 24 (well she will be next week) in grad school in Pittsburgh, smart as a whip and beautiful. 
She lives on her own and supports herself and like the rest of her generation will be paying her school loans off until she's 50.....at least :-)
The doctors didn't give my parents much hope on her brain when she was born. 
But she showed them all. Great grades/getting her masters and thriving.

The 2nd grandchild by this same drug addled  sister is 22 about to be 23. 
She is a full time employee who just got a promotion that she is so proud of AND she is a part time student as well.  She is thinking of going on to get her full masters.

The 3rd grandchild of same mother is a 17yr old beautiful young woman and a senior. 
My mom is almost done raising her 2nd set of kids. 
Thankfully the crazy Catholics that my family are realized that this drug sister needed her tubes tied!! Thankfully that happened. (my father couldn't be told that is how stupid Catholic he is) Hard to fathom they thought this was wrong. I just shake my head!

So my mom has a husband who has asked her several times a day for the past week every day what he is wearing to his physical therapy appointment. She tells him each time. Each time she gets a bit more upset and agitated. Then she deals with dance class, proms and high school drama from a 17 yr old. Then she goes to work and deals with all the drama and crap one deals with working with several other women. She is constantly running and on the go.

When I spoke to her on Sunday I could tell she was at her wits end.
Their big fat house is falling apart. They don't have the money to fix it. She fears she will not have enough to live on for the rest of her life. If she sells this where does she go she asks me.
A sister out west asked her to move in. She won't think of it.....with any of us she tells me.

Her house needs work, she will not get top dollar unless we all do a lot of work there. 
But perhaps to just sell it is the answer since we all live so far away. 
"As is" it could be sold as. It is dated but big and in a very nice area.
At one point when we offered to do some things she said no, it was still her house.
Yesterday she said, "Do whatever you want I don't care. I am tired. I need to understand what I am going to do. I am scared." Her voice trembled.

I'm going up there to visit in mid March. She has a Friday off and that just so happens to be her birthday weekend as well. We are going to sit down and go over things. We are going to make a plan for her. We are going to do whatever it is that we can to make this easier for her.

I wish they had made plans when they were younger. I wish my father had a pension. He did something when he was in the union and walked away from it. That is all I know or understand. He was a union master plumber for years. He had his own business but he didn't do an ira, a 401K, any investments, nothing but savings and it is dwindling. It's not like they've been living high on the hog either.

It is all so sad to watch and there is only so much I can do especially from here.
It frustrates me so.

Some back story.....When my nieces were born Rick and I asked to adopt them or take them in and raise them. But my parents said no they wanted the girls. The feared what my sister would do as well. She would never allow for the adoption for my parents either so they could reap any benefits like a write off on taxes. Nope, drug sister has all the control.
My parents actually said to me, "you don't have the lifestyle for children." 
Well who the hell does before they have children?  
I think my mother realizes now that this is damn difficult at their age.  Honestly I think she thought that at 50 something too. 
I was only in my early 30's at the time we asked. We asked several years later when we saw my parents struggle to do all that was required and got shot down again. Rick and I felt that my parents, while good parents, couldn't give them all the time they needed. They were old and tired then and so we took them places, we did things with them to make up for it. We tried but then we moved with our careers. My parents wouldn't let them leave so the 3 of them have been raised by grandparents. Thankfully these 3 girls are beautiful young women who have done well. They see what their mom is. They understand how lucky they were to have Grandma and Grandpa as parents to raise them. They get it. 

I know my mother shares all her fears with me because I will listen and because I'm a friend more than anything. My father is no longer someone you can talk to about these things. She has no one else.  She feels alone and very scared.  I wish I had great answers for her. They have bailed me out of a lot of jams when I was a kid. I wish I could get them out of this one to repay them.

God I hate getting old.