Nylons.

When I was 10 my mom got sick.
By the time I was 13 she had died.

I remember more of those 3 years of her illness sometimes more than I do before she was ill.  Weird isn't it?

As I have aged there have been so many things I wish I could ask her.
From the simple like, "What made you so interested in music and books?"
To all the things a girls wants to talk to her mom about, boys, dating, life, being a woman etc.

I got a new mom and while she is great, her parenting style was very different.
Not bad at all, but I was used to something different and I longed for it. But this was just good in a different way. When you're a kid and you tell your friends this, the first thing they say is, "Oh do you hate your new step mom?"  Almost as though they sure hope so.
So the only way I could make them understand that it wasn't like that for me was to explain it like this. 'To me it's like always eating chocolate chip cookies. you love those cookies! You eat them every day and love 'em. But then you can't have them anymore for the rest of your life, only peanut butter cookies. You like peanut butter cookies but there are just some days when you sure long for those chocolate chip cookies! That is how I used to explain it to my girl friends when I was a teenager. It's was all good, just different.

You see my mom protected us from our dad. Dad made loud proclamations and demands. Most were ridiculous. Mom sure knew they were as well. But being from the generation that she was from she never would disagree with him, at least not to his face or in front of us. She had her tricks to make him think he thought of it most of the time. I'd get a wink wink.

When she really thought he was unreasonable she would talk to me alone about it.
For example. He thought that I should not shave my legs. Absurd really. But he thought that was wrong at my age. I was 12.  There is no way to wrap your head around that one. Trust me I've tried. He made no sense. But his house, his rules.

I was the same height I am now and the same size boobs. I was just thinner.
At 12 I looked 17.
I was going to a recital and wearing what I thought was the best dress ever in the history of dresses. Why Marlo Thomas had one just like it on That Girl!!
Because I looked light years ahead of the age I really was, dressing like a little girl didn't work anymore.
I couldn't wear socks with this outfit, no way no how. No, I must have nylons. If I wear nylons I must shave my legs or the hair will curl like Grandma's and look gross. (although gross was not in our vocabulary back then) My mom understood this and we tried talking to my Dad together. I showed him my dress. I did the song and dance for him.

My father "put his foot down" So that meant end of discussion. I then suggested instead of nylons can I just wear go-go boots?  OMG you would have thought I was Satan. 
Those were the devil to him.
Yes, Go-Go boots were harmful in his little mind in some way which I never understood.

I ran to my room and cried.
The next day after school my mom came to my room while I was changing into my after school clothes (remember when you did that?) 
She said she wanted to talk to me. She sat on the bed and explained why Dad thought the way he did. She said, "I may not agree with him on this one Peggy.  How about we have a little secret. You can't tell Pam (my sister) and tomorrow when no one else is home  I'll teach you how to shave your legs with my razor. No one will be the wiser on this. BUT it must be our secret!

As an adult I realize that her doing this was undermining my fathers authority and how she could get in a real fight with him over this. But my mom had my back on some things that were trivial to the rest of the world and only a big deal to the man with the big bravado.

She did this 2 times in my life with her. She would always preface it with your Dad means well, he just doesn't understand young girls. I"ll work on him don't worry. She did and I got to wear what was called culottes. I was lying in bed and I heard her in the kitchen explaining to him that all the young girls wear them. He didn't care what others wore, his daughter was not wearing those things. I don't want to know what she did to convert him,  but the next day we got to go shopping with my Aunt and buy a pair of culottes. I modeled them for Dad and hugged him for letting me get them.  I can see where he was sitting and wearing to this day. He just made a pff noise and laughed as he hugged me. 

My new mom never defended we girls. She never stood up to Dad for us. She was a bit afraid of my dad when she was a young mom. She listened to him even when she disagreed. So I tended not to share much with her.  I never knew she didn't agree until I was much much older. To me it was like there was no one to stand up for me. I loved this new mom but oh how I missed my mom.

Now I know the truth. My step mom had a big mouth father who ruled the roast just like my father. (those crazy dagos) She had some fear of these man in a way I can't fathom. 
She was only 27 when she married my Dad so she was too young to stand up to him. At least for her, she was too young. I would never have tolerated a man like my father at any age but she was different from me.  Now my step mom has no problem standing up to him but when I was growing up it was difficult for her. And honestly I still don't think she stands up to him, more like ignores him or just acts like he is getting his way.  You do what you have to do to live with people I suppose. Sometimes we make a joke when he will be grumbling about something and she just says, "Yes George" as he walks away she winks at me. So they have learned to work it out in their own way.
I guess that's marriage huh?

What's funny about this is now as an old broad I would do anything to NOT have to wear a pair of hose, culottes or shave my legs. Hmm....is that doing a 180?  God I hope I don't go full circle.