Lazy People

I have a great dislike for laziness.

Laziness comes in a lot of forms.
You can be lazy at your work.
You can be lazy with your life.
You can be lazy in your relationships/friendships.
Lazy is everywhere and it seems to be growing.

I have a friend who's marriage is in the toilet and has been for 20 years or more.
She doesn't want to walk away because she'd have to actually work for a living.
She would have to live in a smaller home. She would have to make sacrifices.
She does not want to work on her marriage, she doesn't like him anymore.
She tells me these things all the time.
She whines ( and I mean WHINES)  and complains about her life all the time.
I want to scream, "THEN CHANGE IT"

But change takes work. Work is the opposite of lazy. So nothing is done.
Sometimes I think people like to be miserable. It's comfortable for them.
It's all they know.
I remember when Dr. Phil used to be on Oprah and he'd say, "How's that workin' for ya?"
That is what I want to say to her most days.
Today she told me about counseling.
She wanted him to go but now she won't do the homework, won't "forget" the issues, won't move on. Her husband actually told her that he's trying and he feels like she isn't trying. 
She said to me, "I'm not and can you blame me?"
Why yes I can.
You either make a conscious choice to accept and work on the issues and then move on to the best of your ability. If you can't do that then make another choice.
She said, " I just want to be left alone but he can live here. but he expects a loving wife and friend." 
Why yes, that is convenient for you but what about him?

For some reason today I was honest with her....for better or worse.
I told her if she really doesn't want to make the changes try to learn how to live with this.
I know it shocked her. But I have been just listening to her for 20+ years now.
It's the same thing over and over again. So today I was honest.
At the end she said, "You're right I won't move or change my life to get rid of him. I'll just wait until he dies."
Oh lovely thought. (her children are in college and grown)
At this point I just shut up. It will never change until he dies I guess.
I don't understand that thinking but it's her life.  
I just don't want to hear it anymore.
I suppose that makes me a bad friend.....I get that too.
She has sucked the last bit of life out of me. She's draining.
I feel badly for some reason that I can't just listen anymore.
But I'm exhausted and I just can't.

My other gal pal is also miserable.
When we went to her wedding Rick said this:


I then smacked him. You can't say that at someones wedding, even though we knew this wasn't going to last.
Polar opposites in values. Values are a big damn deal.
It's not the simple things like she's a people person and he's anti-social.
Nope the hard core stuff that means a lot to her.
She's all about family. He hates being around his or her family.
It means everything to her to spend holidays and vacations with family.
He won't go. She does holidays and vacations alone.
She has a strong faith. He has none and ridicules hers.
She resents him for that. He resents that his kids are having to learn what he calls "bullshit"
He is incredibly lazy and will do nothing to assist in the house or the children.
He told her he didn't want more than 1 child.
They have 2. He believes the discipline and child rearing is her responsibility.
She believes they should be partners.
You see what I mean? Big things.

They lived together and lived next door to us before marriage
We liked them both as individuals but together we felt it was oil and water and wasn't going to end well.
He was up front about all of these things before they were married so why is she surprised?

They still are married only because they are too lazy to leave.
He'd have to go to work.
She is the main bread winner and she does everything else too.
He has recently gone back to work  after 2.5 yrs of not working or looking for work.
She found him this job.
He hung out most of the day at a bar and gained about 80lbs.
She doesn't want her kids to be from a divorced family she keeps telling me.
Yet if you go to their home it's so thick with tensions it's painful to be there for any length of time.  You can't tell me it's better to raise your children like that.
Her sons are being taught to be disrespectful to women and being a load on the sofa is what dad's do.  She takes the boys camping, to scouts, and ball games.
He sits on the sofa watching tv or hanging at the brew pub with his pals.

I want to feel sorry for them both but can't.
I feel sorry for their children though. 
A great deal of empathy for their children.
These are the children's examples of a loving family.
These are their examples of parenting.
These are their examples of relationships.
These are the lessons they are learning from their parents on how to treat one another.

I have listened to these women cry and moan for years now and I don't know what else to do.
It has become something of an exhaustion for me.
I feel like a bad friend because I am tired of it because neither will do anything to make their life better.  Sometimes you must make those difficult decisions. 

They both have contacted me this week and hit me from both sides.
I do what I always do, listen.
They just want to vent.
They don't ask for my opinion so I let them vent but it has taken a toll on me too.
I no longer see them socially as much as before.
I dread it when I have to talk to them because I know it's going to be hours of negativity.
But that's what a friend is for. And what makes me feel guilty as all hell.
It has exhausted me yet as a friend aren't I suppose to listen to them and give them a safe place to fall? 
I feel like a bad person because I just can't take it all anymore.