Eye Appointment

My husband received a postcard telling him it was time to see his eye doctor.
That is one doctor appointment he doesn't want to miss.
I made his appointment with his new doctor Dr. Mahboobie.
He saw her last year for the first time.
Rick, who is 63, going on 12 finds her name funny.
He said and I quote, "Margaret, Her name does fit her"
All of this said with a shit eating grin on the dufus's face.
Gee, good to know Rick.

Thursday morning was his appointment.
He texts me when it was over.
Allow me to copy and paste the pig's  his text to me.

Drs visit went well. Just a slight change in glasses. Dr's name sure fits her....set of D's. Cute as hell too. When she told me to look down and focus, well I focused on something...lol

Me: Oh Richard!

Rick: Well...she's racked and stacked and showed cleavage. They are eye magnets, Margaret, what could I do? I did as I was told. I looked down and focused.

He claims to be a feminist. I think he may be missing the point.

Old Movies

I love old movies.
As a kid, I would come home from school in the winter and watch an afternoon movie in black and white. There were these series that I loved called The Dead End Kids. 
I think that was from the '30's. 
I got such a kick of those when I was very little. 

As I grew up the trend continued. I happen to love movies from the 40's and 50's. Adam's Rib is one of my all-time favorites. I loved Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy. But I also loved Gregory Peck, Claudette Colbert and so many more. 

One snowy winter afternoon when I first moved in with Rick he came home to me watching A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. 
At the commercial, I told him how I loved this book as a kid. 
He just said, "But it's black and white" 
"So was the book, Rick" was my reply. 
He didn't find that as funny as I did. 
He acted like black and white made a difference. 
He sat down and grabbed some of my popcorn and watched it with me....for 10 minutes. Then he said, "I just can't do it Margaret"  
He got up and left the room. Good, more popcorn for me. 

When I got married the first time, my first husband would laugh at me when he saw me watching those ole black and whites. Or as he called them, "hat movies" 
He would walk into the room and say, "Ah, not another hat movie"
To which I would reply, "Better than men in skirt movies"
That was our running joke.
All the men and women wore hats he noticed in the ole black and whites that I loved. I hadn't really noticed that until he said it to me and sure enough they always had on hats. I thought surely it was just some, but generally, they all did wear a hat at some point in the movie. 
Especially the men. 
He liked those stupid gladiator movies and so I ripped on him about men in skirts. 

I remember the original movie called A Star is Born. 
It starred James Mason and Judy Garland, all in black and white. 
I did not love it but I saw it. It was not memorable for me though.
Then in the 70's my best friend Susan and I went to see Kris Kristofferson and Barbra Streisand in what was at the time the newest version.
I saw that movie version more than once. Yes, I loved it. 
I bought the album.  I think I was all of 20 at the time. 
I thought it was by far the best version of A Star is Born.
And Kris Kristofferson was hot to Susan and I and that didn't hurt movie sales I am certain.

When I heard Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper were making another version I thought that sounded like a very bad idea. I mean c'mon who can top the Kristofferson version? In my mind, no one!!
Well, until I saw a couple of trailers.



Now I want to see this. 
I wish Susan lived closer to me than 6 hours by car.
I think it would be such fun to see this with her again. We were so damn crazy about that movie. We were roommates at the time as well. We went from the movie to the record store and home to put it on the turntable. 
Oh my God we're old. 

I saw an interview where Bradley and Gaga said there was no lip-synching at all in any scene. He claims he couldn't sing and worked long and hard for a year to get as bad as he is. I saw this and did not think he was bad. We all know Stephanie, "Lady Gaga" can belt. 

Even though I know how it will end. Even though I know there is going to be trouble and what that trouble is, it still makes me want to see this version. 

Anything to get me away from politics. Anything.

Like and Love

I saw this on an Instagram and just loved it.

The difference between

I like you &

I love you.

Answer by Buddha:

When you like a flower, you just pluck it. 

But when you love a flower, you water it daily!

One who understands this understands life.

Look Away if Easily Offended

Crazy weekend - 

Our house, Saturday afternoon -
Rick hears the ding of my phone alerting me I have a text.
I read it and said, OMG!

Rick asked, "what is wrong? Your dad okay?"
I hand him the phone
"OH.MY.GOD. Where is this? Oh my God Margaret."

"It looks like your apartment on Plum St Rick"

He says, "do you remember this?
"Nope!! I sure don't Rick."

I text my girlfriend Melanie who sent this photo to me and ask, "WHY? I HAVE NO RECOLLECTION OF THIS AND NEITHER DOES RICK!"

She was making a picture book for a former teacher she worked with.
She asked Rick to be her model.
For the love of God, neither of us remember this at all. That is scary.

Melanie said that she asked Rick to play the part of the district justice who's last name was Nakoski. Apparently, her former co-worker called him Nocockski and had indeed had a run in with this guy.
Childish she said but that was a big joke in the teacher's lounge. 
She kept saying you had to be there. Okay then.

She also informed me that she used a shot of my cleavage when we were at the beach and sent me that photo as well. (I am not sharing that photo) 
This book was quite a long time in the making for this man's going away gift. Apparently, it was an enormous success. But a dildo on someone's head?  I was not getting this because I don't recall it at all. Melanie is a very funny woman and she wouldn't do something to be crass but with a story. So I knew there had to be more. But WHY can't I remember this?

Okay, we went on with life. Rick went out to the garage to do some of his guy things and I was cleaning the house. He walks in and says, "I would never put a dildo on my head but apparently I did. Man, I don't recall this at all. Could it be a twin, this really isn't my M.O.?"  I see it was bothering him too that we couldn't remember. But honestly, I don't find it that far-fetched that he would put this on his head. Who is he kidding?

Later in the evening, I text Melanie and she told me more info.
I had asked who this toy belonged to.
She told me that she went to this store on State Street and there was a full wall of dildos. The guy asked if he could help her and she said, "Do you have any that can be strapped onto someone's head?" 
She said the question didn't even faze him. 
But after she left and thought about it in the car she couldn't stop laughing. Only Melanie. Melanie also told me that she told me this story when it happened and I died laughing and asked if this guy knew what head she meant. Oh my.

Apparently, they thought this guy was a dick head.
She told us that when the book was finished Rick laughed at it all and told her she was very creative. 

Today we don't find it all that funny but we also don't recall any of the storyline behind it or taking these photos.

When you stop looking at the dildo I am securing to his head - Check out that banana clip in my hair. So we all know this was the early 80's. 
God, we look so young. Oh what a few decades does to one's face.

Besides the oddness of it all what concerns us both is that neither of us remembers this at all. I would think someone putting a dildo on your head would be something one would remember. No?
We don't recall most of the story she told us. 

When I was whining about this concern late Sunday Rick told me, "Well we will drool in the corner together since it appears we are at the same cognitive level. You can still be my roommate, it's just that I may not know you."

Oh, gee that sounds great Rick! 

I must admit this concerns me. Not the dick on the head or the dick head. But the fact that neither of us remembers this at all is a bit nerve-wracking. Good thing we have long-term care insurance. 
I think we may need it sooner than later. 

Decoration Day

When I was growing up Memorial Day or Decoration Day as it was called until 1971, was about going to "visit the graves".
My parents would gather up all the tools and supplies needed along with flowers and throw we kids in the car. It happened every year during that holiday weekend at some point. Maybe not on the actual day but that holiday weekend. Then a big family gathering/party at our house would be after all that grave fun.

We went to my grandparent's graves on both sides of the family. 
Siblings of my parents who had passed etc. 
I swore they fixed up gravesites of people they didn't know. 
We would weed, put down peat moss add flowers and just be certain everything was nice and pretty. My sister and I helped for a short time and then lost complete interest. She and I would wander through the cemetery. As long as my mom could see us she was fine. But no running. To my mom running was disrespectful. My sister turned around a big headstone taller than she was and skipped and asked me, is this still respectful? Oh, how we would laugh. 
Mind you were were under 12 years old. 
Even then my sister and I found humor in my parents strange rules. 
Of course if we were laughing together my mom knew something was up and would yell, "what are you two doing over there?"  NOTHING.😏

Normally this was about the time snow finally left this tundra I lived in and while it wasn't hot, it was snow free and cool and perfect to be doing this type of work.
My sister and I look at names on graves. Some headstones had photos. 
That was always intriguing to us for some reason.
I remember the first time I saw a grave for a child. Her picture was on the headstone. That floored me. I ran back to tell my mother. I was probably only 9 or so but I remember it so clearly because it shook me. The little girl who had died was only 6 years old. I wanted to know how she died. Of course, my mother did not know but she told me a story about her probably being sick. Then in the car on the way home I was still yammering about this dead little girl. I kept asking why she died. Finally, my mom said, "Maybe she was riding her bike in the middle of the street and not listening to her mother."
WHAT? Did she just pull that guilt trip on me? Oh, she was good. Although at age 9 I did not realize it. Did I ever ride my bike in the middle of the street to be hit by a car that my mother so feared? Nope!   Did not want to take that chance. That left an impression let me tell you. 
I do believe my mom could win the gold in the guilt competition. 
If she had lived past age 44 I bet she would be the standard that all others mothers would be based on. Mom's guilt-o-meter.

My parents and extended family made this trip to the cemetery like it was an outing for ice cream and the beach. My dad would call my Uncle Angelo and say, "hey we're going to the cemetery want to meet us there?" Now I know as you are reading this you're thinking, "what is wrong with this family?"  I get it.
I thought it was normal until I was older. In fact one year on The View I saw a segment with Joy Behar. She too was Italian American. She told this same story of this being family outings with extended family and sprucing up the gravesites etc. I found it funny that someone else did this. Was it a traditional thing in the Italian American experience? 
Or were these just two families who were nuts?
Our family always was at a cemetery. It was neither scary or weird to me until I was older and realized most people don't do this type of thing.

But growing up this was my norm. The Uncles and Aunts along with my parents did all this work. My sister and my cousins and I would be allowed to wander but not run.  As long as they could "see" us we could be away from them working.  So from the time I was born until my mom died this was something that was just done in my family along with my large extended family. 

When I got a new mom after my mom's death this continued. The only difference is that my new mom had to go to my birth moms grave. That had to be difficult for her. But as a new teen with a new mom that never occurred to me until I was much older. 

My mom was at a completely different cemetery. We would do the normal one with all the family. Then we would go to my mom's gravesite. 
I did not enjoy that one bit. In fact, I hated it.
I didn't like seeing her name on that headstone. (now I can deal with that but at 14 it was too new and raw) 
I did not want to put flowers there or clean it up. I didn't want to think about it all. My new mom was great. She would buy flowers for mothers day and ask if I wanted to put these at my moms grave. I always said yes because that is what everyone felt I should want to do.
I also was old enough to realize that this was a wonderful gesture that my new mom was doing for me and my sister. 
I never wanted to do any of it though. Ever. 

At age 23 I was married (first Rick)and my dad came up to me before walking down the aisle and asked if I wanted to go to the gravesite of my mom to leave her my bouquet. I was gobsmacked. I told him, not really why today? 
He again said it but not as a request. So as I normally did when I was younger I said, "Okay I will do it."  After the ceremony we had the driver take us to the cemetery. I hated every minute of it. I was seething but I had to do it. Thankfully my new husband was understanding that if my father asked I had to do this.  Standing there in my wedding gown having to place my flowers on my moms grave. What the hell is that the symbol for? To make me depressed before I go celebrate my marriage?  I know there are thousands of people who love this time with their loved ones. 
To talk to them etc. I understand that. I think it is wonderful that it can bring people comfort. It does not bring me comfort, just the opposite. 
She is not there to me. But I did it because I was only 23 and I was still listening to my father without regard to my own feelings at that age. 
That should have been the first clue right? Too young to stand up and say to your father what you want to say, then you are too damn young to be married. 

Today when I go home my stepmom talks about going to the graves and doing this or that. She gets upset with this one or that one because they didn't visit the grave of so and so. Who cares?  To me my mom is everywhere I can talk to her anytime I like. I do not need to go to this hole in the ground. But I don't tell her that. I let her talk about so and so and just nod. Easier that way. To her, it is disrespectful to not go. 
I have heard that my whole life. It lives in me but I beat it down. 
I live my life my way and no sense in trying to have her see my point of view because she never will. Just like I don't understand hers. The difference is I respect her even though I don't agree. I do know it brings her comfort and joy so there is absolutely nothing wrong with it, in fact, if it brings her those things she should do it. Neither of us is wrong, we just need to do what works for us. 

This past Memorial Day I sat on a boat anchored in a large cove with absolutely nothing but mountains, water, and trees surrounding us. 
Not a single human in sight. 
I was just enjoying my husband and nature when I told him this was far better than being at a gravesite today weeding.  
He laughed and said, "I would have to agree. Let's toast to our parents and thank them" And we did just that. We told some stories about how some of their lessons still are with us. We did our own way of thanking them. Rick's father was in the air force and we discussed that too on this Memorial Day honoring those that served.

While I no longer do things the way my parents did I still like to honor those that passed.  I just don't like to do it at the cemetery. 
I do not wish to be buried. 
I will have my ashes sprinkled into any body of water. 
Water is my nirvana. 
So to me, that would be the perfect resting place. 
So no need to weed on Memorial Day for me. 

PLEASE DON'T GO .....The Chew edition

You all know how much I love The Chew from this post back when they first started 7 years ago.

I came home from our holiday getaway to watch a DVR of my favorite show The Chew. I found out they are being canceled due to Good Morning America going to 3 or 4 hours. 
I don't get what that has to do with it, to be honest.
The Chew is taped, it is not live. So why can't it still be on? It's on in my area at 1pm. Do we have to have GMA on until 1pm? 

ARGH!

I wanted to cry. It is like my 3 best buds are leaving me.
I wish that another channel would pick them up. They have won Emmy's, they are always nominated. But damn it, just because I don't want them to leave me.

This is my happy zen place to land. They never disappoint me.
The host chatter makes me happy, happy, happy. 
My favorite 3 are there and my goodness can they make me laugh. 
Every day after work hubby & I still watch daily as I wrote about in year one above in my post.  
It makes my mood so much better after dealing with idiots all day. 
They make me smile and laugh. Stress melts away for me. 
I don't have to hear about what stupid thing Trump did today. 
It is just laughs with friends and food and drink. That just sums up everything I enjoy right there!

I have to be honest my least favorite part of the show is the celebrity who comes on telling us all how they like to cook and yet they can't hold a whisk. They make me laugh every damn time. I wish there were a cartoon bubble above their heads to hear what they are thinking when these people say and do these type things. One woman came on and said she cooks all the time. They told her to zest this lemon and she didn't know what that meant.  That is when I talk back to my TV and say, "Busted dumb ass"  If you are going to lie don't tell chef's you can cook and then not know how to cook. I think they'd be able to tell. 

Let's face it -  I HATE to cook.
But since finding out I have celiac disease I need to cook all the damn time. 
I went into mourning, then anger after my diagnosis. 
I like to eat so I had to pull up my big girl panties and figure this out.
This show made it easier for me and fun.  
Okay, seriously who the hell am I kidding? It is never fun to me, it is a necessity because I love to eat. But I have to admit there have been some things that I have tried from the show and get so thrilled that they turn out terrific that it is kind of fun. 

I have learned technique. And as my boyfriend, Michael says all the time on the show, learn the technique and you can make anything. 
I thought at first this was utter bullshit but by God he was correct.
The whole rue thing itself floored me. I could do this with a flour I can use.
Who knew I could make a rue and it is so easy and you can use it for a plethora of things. 

I can still make mac 'n cheese with GF noodles and use my flour to make the cheese sauce. Hey, these guys were on to something.
Seriously technique to bake, broil, braise, etc is everything and once I learned that, damn I could make meals we could eat. 
And if you watch it every day like me with a view from Celiac I find they make most things that I can eat. Real food is gluten-free unless baking or dredging in flour or using soy sauce. But there are substitutes for those so I would say that 90% of the time I can make and eat all the yummy things they make. 
Do you know how much better my life is because of this show? 
Oh please don't cancel this show!!

No one makes me laugh more than Clinton. I love him!!!
If you don't follow him on Instagram you are missing out.
Basic Grammar for Basic Bitches is a hoot!  Never fails to make me laugh out loud. Good thing he's not reading this or he'd send it back to me with his red pen. Rick said just last week after watching The Chew that he would love to have drinks with him. Yes, he loves him as much as me. 

Carla usually makes a lot of things I can't transform, like cakes etc.
But I have used some of her recipes for Rick, like peach cobbler. 
Carla is just a doll and who can't just love her? 

In all honesty, this just makes me so damn sad.
There is so little I like on TV and now they are taking this away so we can have more hours of repulsive news. I just don't understand why they would cancel a show that gets good ratings and wins awards for an extra few hours of a show that is not even in 1st place. Do we need a few more hours of news? Do we really need 24/7 news cycle of stupid people tweeting awful things? NO!! Keep The Chew going!

I will miss you Clinton, Michael, and Carla like nobodies business.
Maybe I'll get skinny now.  I won't know what the hell to make for dinner.
Thank God for wine. Wine is grapes so I can have fruit for dinner right?
Besides, it is Peggy's summer water season you know. (rosé)

Holiday Weekend

I hope you all had a wonderful long holiday weekend.

I sure did.

We got to the lake Thursday at 4pm. 

After selling our lake home we would always just rent a house to go to the lake. (there are no hotels)

But this time we decided to try renting a condo. 

Bernards Landing is a big resort. It has condos and carriage homes. 

It has a conference center, restaurants, pool, tennis courts, shops etc.

In the photos online at VRBO it all looked great. There were docks with electricity for us to use with our visitors pass. It was small but clean and nice. We had all we needed. What we were not told is that it was the 3rd floor and the dock was a helluva hike. Great more stairs. Yipee. An old dog and 2 old farts who really didn't want to hike up 3 flights of stairs - but we did. 

Here is a photo of Rick and Izzy going down to the dock. I took this from our balcony. Looks nice enough of a walk right?

But the walk up was not fun. By the 3rd day, it was far easier but let me tell you the first day it was a surprise and a helluva hike. 

Or as my husband says, I leave my lawn chair and cooler with a nice buzz and I sober up by the time I'm at the house. See the teeny tiny condos up there? Yeah looks worse from this end doesn't it though?

When we got back up to the house this was at the top of the trail to the house.
How appropriate don't you think? It made us laugh. Like they knew we were coming. We wondered how often this defibrillator was actually used after that hike.


















This was off our balcony of some of the resort. It's very large and basically a peninsula.

See the docks below? This too was off our balcony. Sure they aren't like at a house with a roof etc but it worked. We just made sure to cover the boat when we left due to all the rain we had all weekend.

They allowed dogs on this tiny beach area. Beyond the trees are little-thatched roofs with lounge chairs there.  So after a day of boating and island hopping, we would go to sit at this beach for awhile...you know before that hike!

This was a helluva storm that came in. We got an alert on Rick's phone that a storm was coming in. We were on the other side of the lake anchored in a cove playing around in the water.  Rick got out to see what the urgent beeping was for. Seeing the storm was coming quickly we got ourselves packed up and we high tailed it back. As you can see it was just in the nick of time. 
It got so dark and then it just poured all night. We got to the condo and then it began to rain. We made perfect timing.

Thankfully this house had a couple of great big TV's and Netflix to watch. So we came inside, made cocktails and made some popcorn. Izzy slept through it all. She is so exhausted after swimming from 5:30a until dusk that she sleeps really well. Still gets up at 5:30a but each day she slept most of the evening from dinner on.

This was the fog over the mountains in the morning after that storm.  It was great the rest of the time. 

Izzy was exhausted from fishing and swimming. She loves this spot at Rick's feet while he drives the boat. 

Here is the Wonder Dog below with her bumper in her mouth. The kids at this small little beach loved throwing this for Izzy. We loved them throwing this for Izzy. The parents thanked us for letting their kids play with her and throw her bumper. Silly them, we loved it because our fat asses weren't having to throw this 100x.
Izzy was in heaven as were these kids. The 4 yr old was so funny. He was walking behind Izzy at one point and just picked up her tail and looked at her butt and undercarriage. Who knows what he was looking for. But it sure made all we adults have a laugh watching this kid.

This is the "don't you feel guilty because you won't take me back down to the water"  look. That look only works on Rick. I need to learn how to perfect that look because my goodness she gets anything she wants when she looks at him like this. 

Thursday Throw Back

We moved into our home January 2000.
At the time we had a backyard and a small patch of grass in the front.

Mike posted a meme on Wednesday that reminded me of this event that happened at our home.  (This story is a throwback because I believe I have written about it here but sure didn't find it.)

We were the first to move in on the block.
After us, two beautiful young women moved into the home next door.

The first 6 months of living here we kept the grass in the back until we had the time to make it all a patio. We knew we were going to patio the whole thing because we did not want to mow. 
We had an acre of land at our lake house to deal with and besides who wants lawn maintenance when you can be on the dock or on the boat?
We wanted to be at the lake house on the weekends, not mowing the house in the city.  The back is only 20x20 so it's not like it was huge, but we knew it would become a nuisance since we both traveled all week with our careers and spending weekends at another home.

We had a patio table in the back and one evening we were sitting at the table having some wine and just enjoying our evening. Because we are townhomes we are smack dab against one another and the two girls came outside and waved. We waved back.

My hubby made a comment about the one young gal who was so damn pretty and so his type. Yes, she was not only beautiful but built like Sophia Vergara. (that's his type but if you ask him her eye color he wouldn't know)  I reminded him that he was old enough to be their father. He said, No, an older brother. 
Okay, you delusional little shit, your mind can tell you what you want but you are 44 and she is in her late 20's.
Okay maybe her Uncle he'd say.  We laughed.

Somewhere along in the evening they hung over the fence and said, Hello neighbors we are Meredith and Frannie. We invited them over and Frannie said, "We thought you'd never ask"  We knew right then we were going to be friends no matter the age difference and we still are to this day. It's been great.

They came over with 2 bottles of red wine. Reason number 2 why I knew I was going to like them. We had a laughter-filled evening.
They told the story of everyone thinking they were gay because they bought a home together. I said, so what, let them think whatever they want. In unison they say, but we aren't. So who cares was my response. They then asked us, "Did you think we were a couple?"
My man with no filter says YES a little too quickly as I said, No, not at all.
That made everyone laugh.  If he had been close to me I would have kicked him under the table. But now they know. I did not but Rick couldn't understand why two young gals would buy a house together if not a couple. What a dufus he can be.

They thankfully laughed. This evening became a regular event. 
We passed food over the fence. Need an egg, meet you at the fence.
We'd make too much for dinner and invite them over. They made cookies and brought us some. It was terrific to have neighbors like this.
I got your mail - slide it in the slot on the fence. We called this fence mail, no matter if it was mail, a magazine Frannie wanted to read when I was done etc. We had keys to one another's homes and it was all you could ask for really from good neighbors.

One lazy hungover Sunday morning we were thankful we had now built a patio. No grass to cut except a small pass in the front. It literally took one and a half passes and you were done. (before the landscaping)

Rick and I had stayed up here for the weekend because we were going to a friends 40th birthday party. We did not drive so we had a bit to drink.
Sunday late morning he was lying on the sofa napping with a hangover. 
The windows were open and he awoke to the sound of someone's weed wacker. I was already up and making food to help the feeling of too much liquor in me.

This weed wacker went on for a LONG time so he mumbled something angrily and got up and looked out the window. 
He saw Frannie in her bikini mowing their 20x20 patch of grass with a friggin' weed wacker. The whole lawn! Bikini good, weed wacker not good.

Rick said nothing to me and just walked out to the garage. I heard him say something to Frannie as he went to the garage. 
Her weed wacker stopped. 
Then I hear him talking to her but can't hear exactly what is said from her yard. I was praying he wasn't yelling at her. 
Next thing I hear is a lawnmower. Ah, he gave her our lawnmower to use.

He came back in the house and said, "I gave her our lawn mower and our can of gas. I told her she can keep it if when she does her front "yard" she just goes over ours too."  I asked if she was okay with that. He told me she was thrilled and I won't have to listen to that damn weed wacker for hours. And then he closed the windows while she mowed the lawn and went back to laying on the sofa.

Now Frannie always mowed in her bikini. So you can imagine how much Rick didn't mind seeing her mow. Or for that matter any of the male neighbors.
By this time we had really become close to Frannie. She is over all the time. She has cried about boyfriends. She has come over after a bad day at work with a bottle of wine and food and we invite her in and sometimes she sleeps here even though she lives next door. 
Yep, we have been to her wedding, the christening of her kids, held her through the divorce and celebrated with her on the many milestones of her and her children's lives. So yes, we are that close and she knows us well. So when I tell you the next part you need to know that Rick was not harassing her, just being Rick and she so knew how to banter or react back to him. (thank God) Rick knows his audience thankfully. (ok most of the time)

Here is a video from many years ago to show you just how close we are. See the fence. Yep, neighbors on both sides. Townhome living at its finest. This is what she mowed with a weed wacker.  This is why we made this no lawn. :-)

One day years later while she was mowing her and our front patches of grass Rick was at the front window. He lifted his shirt and stood there rubbing his nipples. She never once looked up. I walked by the dining room and saw him and burst out laughing. I asked what the hell he was doing. He laughed and said trying to get Frannie's attention. The following day the older woman across the street asked me what Rick was doing. I was mortified.  Okay, how am I going to explain this to this old woman? 
That was fun and I told Rick later he should have had to explain to this woman with no sense of humor.  Then she said to me,"isn't he a vice president of human resources?" Ah, shit. Yes but he's still 12.

Fast forward a few months and Frannie's boyfriend moved in because Meredith got married. Now James was mowing. One day Rick does the same damn thing in the window to James as he had done to Frannie. 
But this time James sees him and stops and lifts his shirt and does it back to him with some gross tongue action. They both howled.  Rick opened the door and said to stop in for a beer when he was done.  
Yep been friends ever since. But I must add that after their split we got Frannie in the divorce.
James eventually had the whole thing landscaped after we did and then he too made a patio out of the backyard. No more mowing. He gave us back our mower and gas can.

Then neighbors moved in next door on the other side of us who didn't own a mower. We gave it to them with the same deal to not mow before 10a on a Sunday. That mower has moved to 5 neighbors now. 
It was cheap. Under $200 we along with the entire block, all got our monies worth.
Thankfully no one has a yard anymore. So no more mowing. 
No more being unable to take a nap or sleep in.
No, we just have a dog that makes that impossible now.

Birthday Cards

In Hallmark, I find a lot of cards that make me laugh and of course, I laugh out loud and people say something or look at me strangely. That's okay I am having my own little party. 

I always get a few cards for The Big Guy, both funny and nice.
But this card was so spot on I had to get it.
Not only accurate, it is also something I say to him all the time.
Because he is a 12-year-old trapped in a 63-year-olds body.

Here is the front of one of the cards I got him for his birthday.

 Here is the inside of the card.

It was as though I wrote the damn card.

Hallmark owes me money!

Shoes

In our tiny foyer, there are 2 trays for our wet boots and shoes.
Since we have had monsoon rains the theory is that the mud and dirt from your shoes after walking Izzy falls in there....supposedly.

I came downstairs yesterday to take Izzy out for a walk at lunchtime.
I tripped over these damn size 13 shoes. (yes that is Izzy's ball in his shoe)
Gee, if only there was a place to put wet and muddy shoes. 
I have to admit I laughed. 
I then sent him this pic and asked if he could figure out what was wrong with this picture. His answer was that 2 of Izzy's toys were not in her toy box. 
(yes one in a shoe, one under a shoe) 
Oh, he thinks he is so clever.

I have to admit that made me laugh but I did not tell him that. 
I left the shoes like that and when he got home he called me to come downstairs.  
He pointed to them and said, "You'd think that damn cleaning lady would have put these where they go. I think I may need to talk to her"

I smacked his arm and walked away while the ass stood there laughing.
Yes, we no longer had a cleaning lady. I am the cleaning lady.

4:11pm

Lady called:  Is this XYZ Tub and Tile Refinishing (after I just answered the phone saying exactly that.)

Then she asked, do you refinish bathtubs?

Me in my dreams: Yes, hence the name XYZ Tub and Tile Refinishing.(but I said yes we sure do like I was happy to speak with her)

Lady: I saw your pictures on your website but wasn’t sure.

Me in my dreams: Okay so you’re stupid? You saw the photos of tubs both before and after of the refinishing along with the word refinishing everywhere but you still weren’t sure? But instead I said, “Okay good so you know a little about this then. How can I help you today?”

Lady: I need to have 2 bathtubs refinished in 2 of my homes do you give discounts for doing two or more?

Me for real: I’m sorry we don’t, it’s like when you go to McDonald's and get 2 cheeseburgers they are both the same price.

Lady: Really? I would think the 2^nd one would be easier so it would be cheaper.

Me because I am feeling a bit kicky today I said something I've always wanted to say:  Gee why do you think it would be easier or less labor or fewer products and time?

Lady: Oh because you are already there.

Me: (huh?) But You just said they were at 2 different houses.(2 different cities, not even the same town for pete's sake)

Lady: Oh they are.

Me: So how are we already there then? and I chuckled.

Lady: (Laughing at herself.) I guess it’s the same price then.

Oh, my goodness.

But wait there's more...

We went over options that she asked about. I gave suggestions and it seemed normal for a minute or two. 

Then she said but what if I want one a different color from the other can you do that? 

Me: Yes, absolutely, that is not a problem at all. What did you have in mind?

Lady: I don't know but I think I want them different.

Me: Well normally you would want your tub, sink, and toilet to be the same color especially for resale. But we can do any color in the Sherwin Williams color wheel. I go on to explain in great detail.

Lady: I think I want one white and one off-white.

Me: Okay we can easily do that for you but....(interrupted) 

Lady: WAIT. Now I need to think about this. Can I book this and let you know?

Me: Well if they are not shades of white, bisque or almond it will be a special order so we can't wait until that day of the job. I would need to know at least one week prior to the appointment for anything other than the standard/basic colors. But if you go with the basic or standard colors you can wait until that day. The basic colors that the chemical companies carry are only bright white, china white (which is softer), bisque and almond.  So if not any of those colors then we'd have to order it and it can take up to a week to receive so I would need to know in advance if that is the direction you wish to go. 

Lady: Why? (didn't I just tell her why?)

Me:  (I repeat) Because the chemical companies don't make those colors. I will have to tell them the SW color # you chose and then they will make it as a special order and ship to us. They don't carry a variety of colors in stock. Only the basics as I mentioned.

Lady: Well what color is not basic then?

Me: Head exploded.  Man down!