Weekend of Cocktails.

Back in the day…..the 80’s I went to my first Kentucky Derby.
A dear dear friend of mine name Craig (who I call Mac because of his last name) knew I was in a funk from my divorce.
He lived near me and one day stopped by and as we talked he said, “You need to get away. I’m going to the Kentucky Derby this weekend why don’t you come with me.”

Well, now I have worked at the local race track for years in the summer with Mac.
I always needed an extra job because I never made enough money to live and to buy clothes and travel. I liked to eat and love to travel so must have that 2nd job.
I could travel for free but I needed $$ to spend when I got there.
So I worked evenings in the summer at the local horse race track.

I was a pari-mutuel in the clubhouse and I made more money there than I did at my airline job. 
Especially tips. Men love to tip you if you give them a winning ticket.
Pathetic that this job was seasonal and I made more there than I did at a very well known airline for a full year.
My point being I was around horse racing and I just didn’t really give a hoot. I did it for the money and the hours.
So I just didn’t think going to the Kentucky Derby would be fun at all.
Boy was I wrong!

So in 1983 I went to my first Kentucky Derby. 
Mac had been doing this for years.
He was driving and he said I could ride with him.
He had a hotel room and he would just change it to two beds. 
Sounded good to me.

His brother along with his girlfriend and another friend of Mac's and his girlfriend would be following us in another car and staying at the same hotel.
So off to the derby I go because frankly, I had nothing else to do.
I figured I was with people I enjoyed so what the hell. Better than my pity party that I was in that is for sure.

It was an 8 hr drive to Louisville from my home in PA.
Now the first week of May in my hometown is cold, dreary and still a bit like winter. Louisville was in the ’70s so I was thrilled to think we’d have sun. I pulled out the shorts, summer clothes, and tanning lotion.

The Derby was nothing like I thought it would be.
We were in the infield which I soon found out was a bunch of crazy young people drinking, serious drinking. 
Woodstock without the music, just the mayhem.(and mud)
I was young and soon to be crazy it appeared.
At the tender age of 27, I was seeing a lot of firsts.
I don't think I stopped smiling until I went back home.
I didn't think about my divorce situation once during that weekend.
It was exactly what I needed, Mac was right.

I had my first mint julep that weekend. Oooh ick!
I don’t like whiskey/bourbon and basically, that is what it is....bourbon on ice with mint.
But the glasses were great so as a kid with nothing left after a divorce kept drinking them so I had a collection of glasses to bring home for glassware and souvenirs.
It was fun and it was a full day of sun, drinking, napping (passing out?)on a lawn chair and getting sunburned. I was young and having a ball. 
I won a few races and met a lot of people having a good time.
Great way to get you out of your own funk. 
It also began a very long tradition.

It began to rain during the actual race. Now mind you we got there around 9 in the morning and the actual race was at 5ish. So imagine what shape most of those people in the infield are in by 5pm. Besides the day drinking, it began raining just before the Derby race at 5ish.  By the time we got to our car, we were completely soaked as though we took a shower with our clothes on. We were walking to our car for what seemed like an hour in the pouring rain. I was wrinkled like sitting in a bathtub too long.
My clothes were just stuck to me. 

We finally got to our car and began to navigate our way through the traffic to find our way to our hotel. As we were driving Craig asked me to get him his shorts out of his suitcase in the back seat. His jeans were so wet and stuck to him he couldn’t stand it. I dove in the back and got out his blue shorts as he requested. I climbed back up front and I gave him his shorts. We were stuck in traffic not moving at all, so he figured he would just change while we sat there. 
He began to change and told me to turn away.

I laughed and said, " I’m already looking out the window, you big weirdo."

I hear him saying, “Damn it. Oh shit.Oh God.”

I am laughing but really don’t want to turn around and see my friend who I have known since the age of 14 undressed. Oooh no!

He said in a panic tone, “Peg help me”

I turn to him and see that he can’t get his shorts up his wet legs they are stuck around his knees.
You know how you can’t get your clothes off and on when you’re wet.
Not to mention he obviously gained some weight since he last wore these and they are way too small. I suggest it may be they are just too small and he said, “no I haven’t gained that much weight it’s just that I’m wet.”
okay, you delusional man.....I just keep laughing.

In the meantime, a cop is walking to each car and talking to the drivers.
Mac is now panicked. But I can’t stop laughing.
I was trying to help him get these off him by pulling them down, when the cop comes to the window.
You all know what this must have looked like.
Yes, it looks like I have gone down on my friend Mac to this cop.

My fair skinned Irish friend is beet red with embarrassment.
I can’t stop laughing. I jump up and sit in my seat with this poor man with his wet legs and his shorts at his knees.
Craig tries to explain to the cop and I can’t make eye contact for fear of hysterical laughter. The policeman says, “I don’t care. I’m just making sure you’re sober and yada yada yada.” OMG – he does think I was blowing my friend for god’s sake. Eew! Thankfully Craig is sober!

In the meantime, his brother who is in the car behind us is now walking up to the car.
Mac yelled, “Peg please get out and see what the fuck he wants so I can get these pants off me. Don’t let him walk up to the car!”
Mac is yelling now and of course, I am still laughing like a lunatic.
What did it matter if Scott saw this? Scott would know we are doing nothing, just laughing at Mac for not getting his pants off his wet legs.

I jump out of the car and tell his brother that Craig wants to change his pants and I wanted to give him some privacy. His brother bought it. Poor Craig had to put his wet jeans back on because the nut didn’t bring any damn shorts that fit him.  Putting wet jeans back on his wet legs wasn't easy either but much easier than shorts that are 2 sizes too small.

Now as a woman we try things on if we think we’ve gained a few pounds over the winter. Even if I didn't gain the weight I'd try em on to be sure there were no issues. (hole? stains? fit? many reasons)
What would possess one to know you’ve gained weight yet you throw a pair of shorts in your suitcase that you haven't worn in at least a year? Silly boys.

The following year Mac asked me to go the derby but this time he has rented a 36 foot Winnebago and invited a bunch of his friends.
He charged like $120 for the weekend of food and booze and fun.
Sounded like a deal to me. I only knew Mac, his brother and a friend of his brothers who came the year before, with a different girl I might add.

The first hour or so everyone in the Winnebago is rather quiet and getting to know one another.
By hour 3 everyone is toasted and laughing, playing cards at a table, eating etc.
Mac drove down so no drinking for him. His brother drove back so he had to be the sober one on the way home. It was another great year and I got another 6 souvenir glasses for my collection at home.

The 3rd year I went I brought a friend of mine. 
Connie knew no one but me.
She loved it though.
Because you can’t bring liquor into the derby we had to devise other means of tricking them. They (security) searched our coolers and all our food so we had to be clever. 
Connie wore one of my bras. My bra on Connie was basically empty.
We filled up baggies of vodka and rum. She then filled my bra with the baggies of liquor.
Our cooler held the mixers so it all looked good, including Connie.
Connie now looks like she had a big ole rack. I laugh every time I see those pictures.
She couldn’t take enough photo’s of herself looking like that.
I lost that photo on my old computer when it crashed. I'd post it if I had it, because it is so funny. 

The 3rd year we camped at a campground called Big Bone Lick.
Seriously who named this place?
So as our 36 ft Winnebago pulls into this place loaded with 20 somethings drunks we found this pretty damn funny.

The 4th year Connie and I did our own Winnebago trip to the Derby.
She and I invited our friends. We made the food and bought the booze.
We enjoyed going with Mac but we knew we could improve on it and do it for less money.
We knew there had to be more than just beer and junk foods.
We planned great meals ahead.
We had mimosa’s for breakfast with steak, eggs and home fries on the day of the derby.
We had a full day of drinking we needed real food was our logic
We had a range of liquor and an enormous amount of food.
(we made meatballs for hoagies etc) 
We had tons of munchie foods and great evening dinner meals.
I made cupcakes and other junk so there was always food for everyone.
Unlike on Mac's where the trip home we had to stop places to buy some food.
One of Connie’s friends brought brownies that made all the food even better.   That made me worry.

I didn’t know most of Connie’s friends and her friends didn’t know mine.
Now to look at them they were night and day.
I was worried people wouldn't get along.
But as usual after the 2nd hour on the road it got loud and the laughter started, the music playing and it worked out well.

Connie’s friends tend to be more on the fringe shall we say.
Mine looked more corporate in comparison.
Her friends were the stoners and my friends were the jocks and pilots.
So when someone pulled out a joint my only thought was, “Oh dear God”
But the corporate types and the pilot were all doing things they don’t normally do.
Because I was driving I kept looking in my rearview mirror and just hoped it all would be okay. It was.
It was like what happened on this Winnebago stayed on this Winnebago.
The hookups, the brownies, the craziness.
These things never happened with some of these folks before or after.
We all just have our memories.

Fast forward to 30+ years later I am watching the running of the roses Saturday and saw some of the fools in the infield and thought, “I could no more do that again to save my life” What I thought was so much fun at 27, 28, 29 and even age 30 to me now would drive me bat shit crazy. The annoying drunks, the crowds, and the noise.
God, I am officially old huh?
I’d be yelling, “Get the hell off my blanket who the @#$* are you?”

I remember one year coming back from buying mint juleps for me and my friends.
There was a man/boy on my blanket passed out/sleeping.
I asked some others – "who is this guy? "
It’s like they all just saw him for the first time. No one knew him.

To make room on the blanket for us we gently rolled him over and over again until he was off our blanket. We just began to drink our mint juleps and rub on some tanning oil.
Poor guy, he could have been dead for all we know, we just moved him.

I can’t even fathom that today.
Yes, this activity is for the young and stupid, but I’m glad I got to experience it all.
Great memories that make this old fart smile.

Friday Funny

I am in mourning so I needed something funny.
Last night the greatest closer in baseball history tore his ACL and meniscus.
He was shagging fly balls during batting practice which he has done his whole career.
It was predicted that this was his last year and then he'd retire.
Everyone assumed an announcement during the all star break.
He is number 42 and he is 42 years old. I don't see him coming back.
I believe his career is over. What a horrific way to go out for this man who was perfect in so many ways. He was humble and you sure don't see that much anymore from a great athlete. I really love this man. Mo..... Mariano Rivera. When he walked to the mound in the 9th you knew you had a win. The song Enter Sandman would play and I knew it was a given that we'd put the other team to sleep. Mo was that great.
So today I wear a black arm band and am beyond sad.
My team is screwed! 
I never thought we had much of a year to look forward to before and now I really don't.

The good news is it is a drinking weekend.
We have the Kentucky Derby - Mint Juleps.
We also have Cinco de Mayo - Margarita's.
That can't hurt right?!!

Random Links for your Thursday reading pleasure

Talk about a bad break up.
Did you happen to see this?
WOW.
This woman was her boyfriends dentist.
They broke up.
Obviously not playing with a full deck he chose her as his dentist even after the break up.
He awoke with ALL his teeth having been pulled.
Gee you think she may have been a tad bit pissed off?
Oh my goodness.
I suppose this is better than a Lorena Bobbit type 'surgery' but seriously this is so not good.
The article made me laugh. Not because it's funny but because he was so stupid.
You don't go back to the spurned ex for health care, car car or any care.
You left her for another woman dumb ass. I know you'd think she would be professional.
But once you break up - get a new dentist.
I know what you're thinking, has he no common sense?
As Rick likes to tell me if sense were really common more people would have it.
Here's proof!

While I am linking I will send you this.
This is all I need to say on this topic except that I dislike organized religion and this is one of many reasons. Don't write me nasty grams because let's face it I'll just delete 'em.
If you need it and it works for you I'm happy for you...really I am.
This one is not for me.
To me these people are a cult from the stone age.
Pedophiles are welcome, not women who think for themselves.

This woman needs to step away from the tanning bed.
I think she may have an addiction issue here.
Are there 12 step programs for this disease?
Seriously you look in the mirror, you see this and think, Damn I look good!?
C'mon!
I like to get a little color as much as the next pasty white gal but this is foolishness.

And finally.....This below made me cry. I'm a sucker for a great dog story.
This is my heartwarming ending for you today. Enjoy.

Dr. Oz

I caught some of a Dr. Oz show on Monday.
For some reason it was on our DVR.
Both Rick and I swear we didn't set that timer so who the hell knows how it got there.
We are just blaming this one on the dog.

Anyhoo Dr. Oz was talking about a metabolism accelerator. 
That peaked my interest so instead of turning it off I turned around and looked at the TV.
Dr. Oz put some tomato juice in a glass, then some horseradish, a splash of hot sauce and a squirt of lime on the side.
Rick and I at the same time yelled at the television, "hey you forgot the damn vodka!"
It sounded just like the makings of a bloody Mary to us.
Which of course made us both laugh.
We do think a lot alike, guess that's why we're still together huh?

So this will be my new excuse on Sunday when I am making a bloody Mary for breakfast.
I am just accelerating my metabolism people!

Lazy People

I have a great dislike for laziness.

Laziness comes in a lot of forms.
You can be lazy at your work.
You can be lazy with your life.
You can be lazy in your relationships/friendships.
Lazy is everywhere and it seems to be growing.

I have a friend who's marriage is in the toilet and has been for 20 years or more.
She doesn't want to walk away because she'd have to actually work for a living.
She would have to live in a smaller home. She would have to make sacrifices.
She does not want to work on her marriage, she doesn't like him anymore.
She tells me these things all the time.
She whines ( and I mean WHINES)  and complains about her life all the time.
I want to scream, "THEN CHANGE IT"

But change takes work. Work is the opposite of lazy. So nothing is done.
Sometimes I think people like to be miserable. It's comfortable for them.
It's all they know.
I remember when Dr. Phil used to be on Oprah and he'd say, "How's that workin' for ya?"
That is what I want to say to her most days.
Today she told me about counseling.
She wanted him to go but now she won't do the homework, won't "forget" the issues, won't move on. Her husband actually told her that he's trying and he feels like she isn't trying. 
She said to me, "I'm not and can you blame me?"
Why yes I can.
You either make a conscious choice to accept and work on the issues and then move on to the best of your ability. If you can't do that then make another choice.
She said, " I just want to be left alone but he can live here. but he expects a loving wife and friend." 
Why yes, that is convenient for you but what about him?

For some reason today I was honest with her....for better or worse.
I told her if she really doesn't want to make the changes try to learn how to live with this.
I know it shocked her. But I have been just listening to her for 20+ years now.
It's the same thing over and over again. So today I was honest.
At the end she said, "You're right I won't move or change my life to get rid of him. I'll just wait until he dies."
Oh lovely thought. (her children are in college and grown)
At this point I just shut up. It will never change until he dies I guess.
I don't understand that thinking but it's her life.  
I just don't want to hear it anymore.
I suppose that makes me a bad friend.....I get that too.
She has sucked the last bit of life out of me. She's draining.
I feel badly for some reason that I can't just listen anymore.
But I'm exhausted and I just can't.

My other gal pal is also miserable.
When we went to her wedding Rick said this:


I then smacked him. You can't say that at someones wedding, even though we knew this wasn't going to last.
Polar opposites in values. Values are a big damn deal.
It's not the simple things like she's a people person and he's anti-social.
Nope the hard core stuff that means a lot to her.
She's all about family. He hates being around his or her family.
It means everything to her to spend holidays and vacations with family.
He won't go. She does holidays and vacations alone.
She has a strong faith. He has none and ridicules hers.
She resents him for that. He resents that his kids are having to learn what he calls "bullshit"
He is incredibly lazy and will do nothing to assist in the house or the children.
He told her he didn't want more than 1 child.
They have 2. He believes the discipline and child rearing is her responsibility.
She believes they should be partners.
You see what I mean? Big things.

They lived together and lived next door to us before marriage
We liked them both as individuals but together we felt it was oil and water and wasn't going to end well.
He was up front about all of these things before they were married so why is she surprised?

They still are married only because they are too lazy to leave.
He'd have to go to work.
She is the main bread winner and she does everything else too.
He has recently gone back to work  after 2.5 yrs of not working or looking for work.
She found him this job.
He hung out most of the day at a bar and gained about 80lbs.
She doesn't want her kids to be from a divorced family she keeps telling me.
Yet if you go to their home it's so thick with tensions it's painful to be there for any length of time.  You can't tell me it's better to raise your children like that.
Her sons are being taught to be disrespectful to women and being a load on the sofa is what dad's do.  She takes the boys camping, to scouts, and ball games.
He sits on the sofa watching tv or hanging at the brew pub with his pals.

I want to feel sorry for them both but can't.
I feel sorry for their children though. 
A great deal of empathy for their children.
These are the children's examples of a loving family.
These are their examples of parenting.
These are their examples of relationships.
These are the lessons they are learning from their parents on how to treat one another.

I have listened to these women cry and moan for years now and I don't know what else to do.
It has become something of an exhaustion for me.
I feel like a bad friend because I am tired of it because neither will do anything to make their life better.  Sometimes you must make those difficult decisions. 

They both have contacted me this week and hit me from both sides.
I do what I always do, listen.
They just want to vent.
They don't ask for my opinion so I let them vent but it has taken a toll on me too.
I no longer see them socially as much as before.
I dread it when I have to talk to them because I know it's going to be hours of negativity.
But that's what a friend is for. And what makes me feel guilty as all hell.
It has exhausted me yet as a friend aren't I suppose to listen to them and give them a safe place to fall? 
I feel like a bad person because I just can't take it all anymore.

Hearing Impaired.

Last night we had another deaf moment in our home that resulted in giggles galore.
We were watching American Idol.
And in case any of you are living in a cave in Pakistan and aren't up with pop culture I will tell you that Ryan Seacrest is dating the Dancing With The Stars gorgeous little thing Julianne Hough.
Julianne was there in the wings and they showed her dancing to Phillip Phillips.

I said to Rick, "She's so cute. They make a cute couple"

He says, "I wonder if she's damp"

I look at him with disgust and say, "What the hell is wrong with you? You always make everything sexual."

He replied, "Why is that sick to you Margaret?"

"Seriously Rick you have to ask? You don't really know?"

He is now laughing and said, "What do you think you heard me say?"
I repeat it.

Now he is laughing and he said, "No I said, Wonder if she's taught him to dance"

"Okay you're right that isn't sick and makes much more sense Rick!"

We are now both laughing like the complete fools that we are and he suggests that I really go get my hearing checked.   He may be right. I'm thinking I may have a real issue here.
I'm glad I grew out my short hair if I have to wear a hearing aid I guess.

" Huh? What'd you say? You think Rick just mumbles? Yea, me too."

Lazy Teens

Right now I can post.
Everything else is still a hot damn mess.
So I am pluggin' away for you my dear blogger friends

Besides how could I not share this wonderful information with you all?
Go on I'll wait.  Read it..
Yes, I'm still waiting for you to read this link.
Amazing huh?

How dumb are people?  Yes of course that is a rhetorical question.
Because as you can see by this article people are dumb asses.

This one is flattering as well.
Oh I'm so sorry honey that I shot you but I thought you were a hog.
Makes Cheney seem like a friggin' mensa!

And speaking of dumb asses.....
This morning while listening to the Today show they had on these people warning us about the hazards of Purell and other hand sanitizers.
Apparently teenagers are using this to get high.
They actually had a woman saying to put it out of reach of your teens.
Not toddlers here, but teenagers.
I say, let 'em reach for it.
It's called Natural Selection.

Damn lazy kids.
What the hell is wrong with the youth of today?
Pot isn't good enough for you?
Talk about your lazy youth.
They won't even go out to score a bag of reefer.
Can't get off the damn sofa? It could take hours, maybe days to find a dealer.
They are so lazy they just go to the sink and injest mom's hand sanitizers.
Talk about a fat and lazy generation.
They probably just got off the couch after playing hours of mind numbing video games and thought, "hey I need a buzz"
Why in my day, we had to have a job to afford getting high.
We would go out and search high and low for someone to score that dime bag of pot.
We got munchies and helped the economy by eating a bag of archway cookies by the truck load.....and pizza and Mickey D's and the candy aisle at any store.

Lazy shits.

Blogger Cluster !@#$

As we all know by now Blogger has changed everything yet again.
I can't even get my blog posts to be a color as before.
Some are, some aren't. Who knows why.

I am not posting until I get this worked out.

See you all someday soon I hope.
Or you'll hear about me on the evening news.
I'll be that person in Mountain View, CA hurting people!!!!!!

Great Weekend

I had a fabulous weekend.

We went to the lake to open the house and see how it fared all winter.
With the exceptions of a few dead stink bugs all was well.

The house has a very closed up smell and we couldn't wait to open the windows and air it out.
It was good weather when we arrived.

We went from room to room and made our lists of things to be done this year.
It's been an ongoing project since we bought the place in '04.

After that we decided since we'll be building, painting, weeding, planting, mulching etc for the next 6-8 weekends we would just play this weekend.

It was great. I was lazy as lazy can be.
Even Izzy slept in until 6am. YIPEE!

Saturday morning we headed on down to the boat and got ready for our first boat ride of the season. I always wonder, "will she start?"   And of course 'she' does.
After our scenic and relaxing boat ride we all were sneezing and wheezing....Aah spring.
All that pollen blowing in your face makes an allergy person and dog quite the mess.
But all worth it!

We napped, we drank, we watched movies, we watched Izzy swim. (Brrrr.....)
Then it rained non stop. So we drank, we watched movies and we napped.
We had a routine and it was a lot better than my 8-5 routine M-F.

My Yankees whooped the Boston Red Sox asses and that just put a cherry on top of my weekend.  I love nothing more than kicking those Sox to the curb.
Saturday's game was a beautiful thing to watch.
We were down 9-zip and we came back with 15-9. 

Now Friday's game was a sweet win because they were celebrating their 100th anniversary of their ball park. All the old timers there and a sold out crowd.
We won.  Taking the wind out of their sails felt good as well.
I saw this front page and it made me giggle.
Crass you say? Why sure, but c'mon it's fun when it's not my team in the loser seat for a change.

We are looking for a new company to care for the lawn at the lake 
You know the mowing, trimming etc.
Since we are not down there every week it must get done.
Especially now that we must rent the home. The guys we have do such a lousy job.
We've been through many and honestly it's frustrating.
They work real slow down there as well as we think they may be mentally slow too.
(The stories I could tell you on that one....for another day)
As we were boating up the lake we came to an area of just woods and farm land.
You don't see much of that there. You instead see a lot of this.

But not much of this below.

After Rick saw these cows he said, "Hey it would probably be cheaper to buy the damn cows to take care of the lawn."

I reminded him we couldn't eat them later because our grass would become too high.

You see I know how my carnivore hubby thinks.

He laughed and said, "Well never mind then."

Shuttle

In the distance and very small you can see the space shuttle.
It was overhead of Rick while he was in his van.
He was so excited to see it Tuesday that he pulled over to get the shot and then he called me.
Honestly if I didn't know it was the actual shuttle I am not sure I'd believe him from this photo.  I saw it on the local news so I knew he was not seeing things.

I used to think when I was a young girl that going into space would be so cool.
Now as an old curmedeogon you couldn't get me to do it.
Unless of course if you told me my family was coming to visit then I may reconsider leaving earth.

In fact when you put it like that I indeed would go.

"Peg, you're parents are on their way."

"Quick Rick, grab my space suit we're outta here!"

My Take on Idol 2012

I watch American Idol every year.
This year the singers are by far the best they have ever been.
But this is the first time where I have actually seen where a person is so damn good vocally but boring as hell to watch.

Back in the late 80's my husband and I were given free tickets to a concert.
We went even though we really love rock music and this was country.
It was the band Texas opening for Trisha Yearwood.
(does the band Texas even exist anymore?)

Trisha is a very talented vocalist. She is as boring as watching paint dry.
Her concert was so bad. There were songs we liked that were bad.
Not because she sung them poorly but because she just stood there and sang.
Her face never changed. She never moved. She just stood there with no real emotion.
Maybe as her career grew she got better. I don't know because I am not into that genre.
But that night she sucked. We still talk about that concert. The opening act was country rock and we enjoyed the show and music. Trisha while so very talented made me want to leave.

I have seen Trisha on her food network show.
She has great antidotes, funny stories and is quite animated.
She needed to do that when she was on stage.

Which brings me back to Idol.
This young woman (I think she's only 17) is vocally in the company of Mariah and Celine Dion. Her name is Jessica.
But she is boring as hell and I don't much care to see what she will do next.
It will just be the same.  Yawn.
Maybe as she matures she will get the rest to catch up with her vocals.
I just don't think it's her time yet to win or to have a full blown career.
Can this intangible be taught?

I really like this kid Phillip Phillips.
(C'mon Mr. and Mrs. Phillips why the hell did you do that to your kid with that name?)
This kid makes me think that if you filled a box with Edwin McCain, Johnny Lang and Joe Cocker, you would get Phillip Phillips.
He's quirky and fun to watch and I so like his style.
I hope he has a long career. I would purchase his music most definitely.

Colton is stuck in the 80's and he's so smarmy.
The smarmy factor is what really bugs me.
The little girls like him so he gets voted through all the time.
He is icky. When I watch him I feel like I need to take a shower.
Smarmy, gimmicky and sleazy character to me.
I want he and his ego as well as his 1980's clothes and hair to go away...NOW.

Joshua Ledet is also great.
But is he marketable today?
I don't know.
He killed a Sam Cooke song last night. I mean he killed it!!
I love the kid but his style is from my generation of Motown and soul.
I just don't know if it would sell today.
I'd buy it but the 'kids' won't be downloading it and that's what they look for right?

The girls....
Skyler is rocking her country songs.
I don't love her genre but she is very good.
She will have a career whether she wins or not.
And boy has she lost weight before our eyes on this show.
She's also so much fun to watch. I see her following in Carrie Underwood's shoes.
She will have a big country career.
Leise I think is very good but never ever picks a good song for herself to show it off.
She will probably not get past this week.  It's a shame because she is so good. The week she sang Led Zepplin was killer. She rocked it man. But she just doesn't pick good songs for her talent.
Jessica - vocally great but boring as shit. So she won't win.
Hollie - first time last night in this season that she was very good. But she can't win.
They called her pitchy last night. We listened to her twice.
We didn't hear pitchy. But we aren't musicians so what the hell do we know.

Now you didn't ask for my judgements but I gave 'em to you anyway.
So if Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez have a sick day I can sure fill in for them.

The Power

I can't wait until the bloggers get to Z so this alphabet shit is over with.
I don't enjoy it. Sorry to all of you playing that game, but I just don't enjoy it as much as your normal posts.

Bilbo wrote a few days ago that he needs more men to his site/stats.
He mentioned breasts. Yep, that works.
I notice that when I write about that my stats are through the roof.
Or if I mention Sophia Vergara....which is just like saying breasts isn't it?
So Bill your next header should just be Sophia and watch those stats climb.

He also had a few cartoons from another blogger about having big boobs.
Since I was born wearing a training bra I know something about this topic.
I have told you all before I have always hated these "girls" and have tried to have them downsized twice now. Each time I did attempt it I was downsized in my job within weeks.
Jeez. So they are still 'hangin' around. Can't afford to do that when one loses ones job. Insurance doesn't pay for this fun stuff either. Now at my age I don't even need them smaller just up where they belong would be swell. You know, just like men's balls my breasts have fallen.

But I have bitched so much about having DD's that I thought I might try to look at the bright side. (yea, right like there is one)
So here are my 'positive' thoughts on having big boobs.

• No one makes you play golf. Thank goodness. They know you can't hold that stupid club that close to you and swing without hitting your boobs. Have you ever seen a female golfer with big ones? This is why.
• When you tell people you hate jogging they tilt their head and say, "aah" because they know why and don't make you jog.
• You can always float  - roll on your back and you have your very own bouys.
• You will never go hungry - food will fall right into your clevage. You will have treats for later. (popcorn for later honey!!)
• You never have to worry about what you say to men because unless they are gay  they aren't even listening!
• If you want someone to hear you or know something - wear it across your chest.
• You always have a place to put your cell phone, keys, or lipstick. Trust me on this. The stuff I have put in my bra or under a boob would amaze you. Who needs a purse!
• If you show cleveage you can get anything you want from a silly man.
• Everyone remembers you....and that isn't always a good thing. Unless you are committing a crime then no one will know you in a line up unless you show your boobs and that can be in your favor.
• They are power. If in a bar, you will get service at the bar quickly, get free drinks and attention. Now if you don't want this power it can suck.
• If you are hating a particular blouse or shirt eat something messy and you will have it across your breast "shelf" in a heartbeat.
• The above happens so much you are so adept at stain removal  & you could give Martha Stewart a run for her money!
• You never have to sit in those diner booths because your breasts tend to lay on the table so you always ask to sit at a table so you can control the length of the table from your boobs.
• You always look heavier than you are and boy that's fun isn't it?
• As you age they lose density and the ability to stay at attention. Their tired you know. And being sympathetic you understand. See that's nice now isn't it?
• You marry a boob man and make him very happy.

Those are just a few positives...she says with dripping sarcasm.
One of my favorite shows in the 80's was Designing Women.
There was an episode where the character Mary Jo was given money from an Uncle that died and he wanted her to do something frivilous that she always wanted to do with this money. So she went to see a plastic surgeon and he suggested she pick a size and "live" with it for awhile. She brought out the 'bigger' size and wore them out in public and found that she had the 'power'.   Here is one clip.
Enjoy the 'power'

Virius Monday

What a day I have had!!!

I turned on the computer this morning and BAM!
Instantly AVG said I had 5 trojans and 2 malware viruses. So the scan began.
In the mean time my MS Office no longer worked.
That is no email, no word, no excel etc.
Which in the course of my day is all I ever use. (besides blogger)

After we got the viruses out the computer was running fine however I still had nothing for work. So I began the process of fixing that issue. It only took me until 3pm.
I could see my calendar which was a great thing to be able to see.
I could not use the calendar to add or delete but at least I could see it which is far more important so Rick and I both know where Rick is going on any given day and time.
I did the trouble shooting myself and I really feared that I was about to lose everything.
Of course I have an external backup and all that but have you ever had to do that shit?
It's all a mess so I didn't want to have to go through that again.

I forged ahead and did it. Holding my breath the entire time.
And voila everything is working.
I must say I am completely and utterly amazed that I did this.
Normally it's a call to some techie geeky guy who charges me an arm and a leg.
I only have 2 left so I had to do this myself.
Thankfully it's all working.....right now.
I must admit I fear what will happen when I come in tomorrow morning.
What a Monday this has been. 

I turned off the computer Friday after work and didn't touch emails until Saturday morning.
I saw on my phone an email from Regan.
She was in my town and she thought we may get together and have a drink or coffee or something. I was so excited however her time here was short and I had people coming over and so many appointments and things to do before they arrived that afternoon so we couldn't get together.
Seriously how cool would that have been to meet a fellow blogger that I have been reading forever?  I so like her too and wish we could have met. I think we could cause some serious laughter and fun. I was bummed but I hope on her next way through, which she says will happen again, we'll catch up. Hopefully this time with more than a few hours notice so I can have her over here for proper drinks and fun!!

Rick did the taxes all weekend and that makes Rick a cranky boy.
It sucks.
I try to stay away from him every year during this time.
The dog and I try to make ourselves scarce.
Even when people stopped by he wasn't his normal self.
Have I told you how much this sucks?

Rick and I are really having the itch to move.
This is the longest we've ever been in one place before.
We don't agree on where though.
And truth be told we don't have the money to do it either right now.
The last 18 months have been financial hell so we are stuck here for awhile.
I so wish we weren't. But in the mean time we are planning our exodus.

He wants warm weather. I don't care.
I say that now that it is 87 today and I wish it were only 70.
I also don't want to go further south. I am not a southern gal.
Too straight up no chaser for the south.

I would love New England. He doesn't want to shovel.
So that eliminates New England then doesn't it?
I want Toronto, he doesn't want to shovel.
I don't care for western Canada so that leaves that out.
You see the pattern here?

We both love, love, love Chicago but again he whines about the snow and weather.
He's turning into a big ole weather wuss. (yea I know I am too when it comes to heat and humidity)

We've always moved for our careers and now that we don't have big corporate careers we can go anywhere.
He keeps saying San Diego because he hears the weather is so fabulous.
But I have lived on the west coast before and I sure didn't fit in.
I think the slow pace will drive him bat shit crazy.  He's not considering that.
Then again it is far from my family and that ain't a bad thing.

So what's a girl who is itching to move do?
I say win the lottery and just travel for awhile with the dog in tow - like a gas guzzling Winnebago. And where ever we fall in love with the area we stay.
Ah, this girl can dream can't she?

GUTS

I don’t normally write book reviews.
1. I stink at them unlike Tammie who is really very good at them.
2. well, see number one, I stink at them.

I read this book in one day.
I couldn’t put it down no matter how many times Rick or the dog insisted on bothering me, interrupting me or asked me to stop reading.
I put it down but would pick it back up again instantly.

The book I just read is GUTS by Kristen Johnston.
(the endless follies and tiny triumphs of a giant disaster)


You may know her as the gorgeous woman from 3rd Rock from the Sun.
This book was fearless, honest, gut wrenching and funny as hell.

She gives you some great back story about her childhood.
At one point she told a story about the pretty mean girl in school who tortured her for years and made her life a living hell. I thank my lucky stars ever time I hear these stories that I never had this happen to me.

She ran into this "mean girl" after she became famous while at home for holidays visiting her family. Her sister and she were at the local mall and this fat overly made up horror show was screaming at her. She just thought, "oh it must be a fan on 3rd Rock"
So she did what most gracious famous people will do and put a smile on her face even though she didn't want to.
Her sister whispered to her who it was and Kristen's jaw dropped.
What she writes after this is simply hysterical and every persons dream when meeting your tormentor years later. I won't spoil it here. But this made me like this broad even more.

Kristen had severe issues with alcohol and opiates.
She liked to call herself a functioning addict.
But she was seriously slowly killing herself.
From all the abuse she gave her body she actually ripped her intestine open.
While on the toilet no less – as she calls it an Elvis moment.
She passed out and the rest of this story is unbelievable.

The ripping of her intestines lead to her intestinal contents spilling into her abdominal cavity.
As the doctor was telling her this he ended with, “you could die at any moment.”
She was in enormous pain but still just thought if she could score some viocodin or better she’d be fine.

She obviously survived the surgery and the serious infection that followed.
All too close for comfort.
It made her face her demons and it was pure hell.
But she tells this with such honestly and humor.
None of it is pretty that is for sure. 
But it will make you think and laugh and be thankful you don’t have a serious addiction that can kill you. 

She said something in the book that I read aloud to Rick.
Then the next day we talked about it again.
It really made me “see” the addicts perspective.
She put me there and I understood it in a way in which I have never understood addiction before.

I really enjoyed her book.
Scary shit but I have learned even to someone in the middle of all that awful addiction reading this  book won’t save them, make them stop or come “to their senses”

It all  just made me thankful that while I can tend to have an addictive personality the other part of my stubborn strong nature hasn’t allowed me to go there.
Whew.

Seriously this is what we argue about?

Last night Rick and I got into this disagreement about something.
Something important you ask?
Why Hell no!

Now how the hell we even got to this subject we can't even remember.
But seriously this had us in laughter on the couch that was apparently so loud we woke up Miss Izzy the Great Sleeping Labrador. She looked back us at clearly annoyed with us. Which of course made us laugh all the more.

Rick insisted that Dudley Doo-Right's horse had a name.
I insisted they never told us the horses name.
I remember Nell who the great Mountie saved.
But I don't recall his trusty horses name.
Do you?

We got to laughing about this and going back and forth with our comments.
We were both too lazy to get our fat asses off the sofa to get on the web.

Finally I got up and got my phone to google this burning question.
Sure enough Rick was right.
Oooh it burns my fingers to even type that phrase, "rick.was.right"
oooh I have chills.

Anyway the friggin' horse did have a name it's name was Horse!
That information then led me to where Bullwinkle went to college.
Ha - you don't know his alma mater either do you?
Why you're welcome for this tid bit. It could win you a game of trivia some day.
Bullwinkle J. Moose (yes that is his full name)  went to Wassamatta U.
Sure sounds like a place that my father should have gone to school.

So you see this is the high brow conversation at our home.
Don't judge; what the hell are you talking about at your home?

Weekend Wrap Up.

Aside from the horrific 7 hr drive it was a nice weekend.
I think I ate and drank my way through Columbus and New Albany.

I missed my dog so much.
But they had a great dog that had my dog's temperment so it was almost Izzy.
The dog has one blue eye and one brown eye.
Cute as cute can be.  The dog too.

Our future son in law was a great tour guide of the city.

We saw a lot of stuff that was cool, pretty, fun and entertaining.

We ate and drank our way through the city and lived to tell about it.

As we were down town walking along the water we saw these swings to our left.

Rick and Jason went and sat on them and began swinging.

Rick kept getting closer and closer. Until he was on top of the poor guy and he put his arm around him. They both burst out laughing at one point.
2 women walked by and one said to the other, "Look at those guys over there"
Rick yelled to them, "Hey, not that there is anything wrong with this!"
The famous line from Seinfeld.

The women cracked up laughing.

Jason cooks the meals and boy is he a good cook.

They made a rack of ribs to die for Friday night for dinner.

They were even so thoughtful to get me Gluten Free Barbeque Sauce.

Oh my goodness were these ribs good.

Slap my ass and call me Sally kind of good.

I keep thinking about them.

I think I need to make some ribs soon.

And finally this link's story will be filed under OUCH!!!....

Free Ice

Our refridgerator 's ice maker has died. 
We are actually buying ice now. It's come to that.
I didn't realize how much ice we use until we have none.
I do drink ice water all day and Rick has his cocktails.
So we need to buy ice  until Monday when they replace my ice maker.
Since we've been buying ice lately it reminded me of my dad growing up.
Buying ice is something that really bothered my father.
When I was young he would buy it to keep the keg cool when his brother and family came over.
That was okay apparently to him. A purpose.
But when I was a teenager he went nutso about buying ice.
I'd want to fill my cooler with ice to go to the beach.
He'd tell me to just use the ice in the fridge.
Remember these?

He thought it was ridiculous to buy frozen water.
"Take them from the tray's Peg, we can make more you don't have to pay for it"
These stupid trays that you ran under water first to "loosen" them.
These stupid trays my sister stuck her tongue to.
(That made me laugh. She cried. )
I am sure he's had to change by now, since we buy bottled water.
I don't live with him anymore so I haven't heard that rant from him.
But as a kid he would go on and on about buying ice.
I never understood his fixation on it but that's my dad.
One can't understand any of his fixations and rants.
That makes him well, my Dad.

Leaving Friday very early morning.
So I have a ton to do and will be gone after today.
I will return with lots to tell you about.

Here is my boy, Robbie Cano, don'tcha know.
Cute Commerical.

In News You May Have Missed

Did you hear that Alec Baldwin is marrying his 27 year old girlfriend?
That makes her literally 1/2 his age. He is 54 today.
I get that an old coot likes a young tight ass.
What I don't get is what the hell they have in common after the sex.

This past weekend Rick said, "Ain't that a shame" because I was whining about some silly thing.
And of course I sang the next verse and stuck my tongue out at him. (You're the one to blame)That made him laugh out loud.
Now if he was boinking a young wipper snapper then she wouldn't have known that reference and make him laugh. 
There are a ton of things like that which we do with one another because we are from the same general decade.  As Rick likes to say, "there has to be something after the O"
Hell this 27 yr old old fiance of Alec's wasn't even born when I was watching Alec on Knots Landing for pete's sake.
Sure a great ass and a six pack is nice to look at but I'd take my ole pot bellied stallion any day of the week. Hell I'm so easy in my old age now I'd settle for a six pack of Molson Ice and a great piece of ass instead. I don't mind that's it's fallen. :-)

In other important news.....
Did you see where the "stalker" of Yankees GM Brian Cashman has been charged with stalking, grand larceny and harassment.  Of course you didn't. I am the only woman you know who reads and lives Yankee baseball.
This woman sounds like a real nut job. Again, you crazy ass men fool around on your wife and then can't get rid of  the mistress.  Karma perhaps? She's done everything shy of cooking the bunny rabbit on top of his stove. She claimed to be a New York Times employee and sometimes used a gadget to make her sound like a man when calling Cashman or his office.
She told the grand jury the voice-changing tool was a gag and denied the other allegations; prosecutors say her explanation and denials were among various lies she told, leading to perjury charges as well. Her attorney said,  this case stems from “a consensual relationship that went bad.”  Gee ya think?  She too is quite a bit younger than the man she is harrassing and they broke up a marriage. So not only crazy but she knew he was married because she would call and harrass the wife.  So crazy and oh so nice of a woman.
She extorted money from him as well.
Yet for some reason even though this mistress was obviously bat shit crazy this man still still messed around with her. Hope it was one helluva great piece of ass.
What a dip shit Brian Cashman is.

Did you hear about the woman from Maryland who has a winning lottery ticket for a 1/3 of the 656 million is claiming while she did indeed buy tickets with co-workers the winning ticket is hers that she bought alone. Oh this is going to get ugly.
Don't quit your Mickey D's job just yet sweetie.

Did you see this?
Someone sent this to me with the subject line.....Can you believe she is only 25?
No, sadly I can't.
Scary to think that a 25 year old has done this willingly to herself.
Drugs and cosmetic surgery aren't so pretty here are they?
She looks to be in her early 50's in the last photo.
The swollen lips make me giggle.
Does anyone really think that looks good?