Mommies and Me

I have come to realize there are really only 2 kinds of women.

Those that are mommies .......

and those that are not.....like me.

After my mom died I had to do all the motherly things for my sister.
My father is old school Italian American. That meant I am the oldest female in the house therefore it was now my job to do everything that my mother did for everyone. Didn’t matter that I was 13. It didn’t kill me but I didn’t love it either. But it made me independent rather early and it made me strong. And that ain’t a bad thing sister.

So I cleaned, did laundry, cooked and ironed and screwed things up and made my father crazy mad some days because things weren’t done “right” or dinner was late.

I had to help my sister with her homework, fix her hair and be sure I kept my grades up while doing it all.

So when my friends were dreaming of getting married and having babies I used to tell them this shit wasn’t fun. They longed for it. I wanted to run from it.

When my father remarried I was thrilled. I no longer had to do housework and care for everyone else’s needs. I wanted to be a selfish teenager. And man I got to. I loved my new step mom for taking all of that off my hands. I could do after school activities again and that was so wonderful to me. Cheerleading became my sanctuary. I didn’t have to rush home to cook, care for my sister etc. Whoopee, I get to be a kid again! My biggest worries now were making the squad, worrying about if Gary noticed me and straightening my already straight hair. Pure dribble and it was fantastic.

Then my step mom and dad had more kids. So I, being the oldest had to help with diapers etc.

I was the cheap babysitter as well. While I loved these new sisters I was not so thrilled with all this baby stuff like my friends were. The last one was born when I was 17 years old.

I wanted to go hang with my friends on a Saturday night but if my parents had plans there went mine out the window. I was the live in babysitter. Making faces at her and making her giggle, feeding her and bathing her and rocking her to sleep. While those memories now mean a lot to me I so wanted to run from that life.

So I used to dream of a career of travel in far away places and no kids. Well I soon got my wish. I worked in the travel industry. As I climbed the corporate ladder I traveled a great deal for work. I traveled even more for pleasure because I could travel for free or pretty damn cheaply.

While my friends were having children 1 of 2 things happened.
They either dropped me from their radar or they included me.
All but 2 of them stopped calling me or worse for me, never calling me back.
These 2 good friends included me in their lives no matter how different our lives were becoming. We always remained friends.

When included I loved being the great “aunt” who brought them fun things from different places. Who sent them postcards from places that they had never heard of or seen. I was the person who added spoons from around the world for her daughter’s collection. I could play for hours with play dough and make it into jewelry that tickled her daughters. I could make my friend’s son go into fits of giggles at how scared I got of his pig as it got bigger and bigger. I was the best with lego’s with another friend’s son. He would call me just to tell me what he built. We were city planning for heaven’s sake. It was fabulous and I loved every one of them and spoiled them with love, imagination and of course things mom and dad wouldn’t let them have like ice cream one time for breakfast or cake late at night when they all should have been in bed. (hey that’s what an “aunt” is for!)

Some now are in their 20’s and we still email and keep in touch. They all know I am a soft place to fall. I am a refuge when needed and when sometimes family just won’t do. We share secrets and unless necessary never tell mom and dad. Sometimes mom and dad must know so I tell the kids that I have to tell but for some reason hearing it from me is easier than their parents.

I get that. And I love that role. I have the easy job, their parents have the tough job.

I have listened to a friend’s daughter and allowed her to run here. All the while keeping mom informed and that her daughter was safe and would see herself home that I’d be sure of it. It worked like a charm.

But most friends dropped me like a hot potato and I never understood why.
As I got older I noticed this ugly pattern continue to thrive.
I’d go to a party and begin chatting with the women and they would ask me if I had children. I would say no I don’t. Most would just turn their backs to me right immediately. Others would say, “oh I’m so sorry” like I wasn’t able to bear children and I would get a look of sympathy and before I could correct the assumption they had either walked away or turned their backs to me.
But all would never ever think to include me in their conversations or life.

I know the ages and what goes on and what to expect at each one. Remember I raised some sisters. I can talk about it and understand it and be sympathetic as well. I was there in the trenches for colic, feedings in the middle of the night, potty training, 1st days of school, homework, dance classes, cuts, bruises, and kisses to make it all better etc. I taught one to ride a bike and another to enjoy nature. I am the oldest of 5. I did it all. I can relate. Just because I choose not to have any of my own doesn’t mean I’m a virus.

It happened just the other day at a neighborhood (subdivisions) summer party. I was standing with all the mommy’s and they asked if Rick and I had children. I said that Rick has a daughter but she is 29 now so she doesn’t live with us. This woman turned her back to me and continued her conversation like I was no longer there. I felt silly just standing there while they circled the estrogen field. So I said, “Well, it was nice to meet you too” and walked over to the men. Don't think they even heard me or saw me leave.

The men let me jump right in. They were talking baseball and football. I know nothing of football and really don’t care to but I can hang with the boys when it comes to baseball. I felt more comfortable there. Then they went on to business. Again they didn’t poo-poo me but allowed me to be a part of their club and conversations. They even acted like they wanted to hear my answers when they asked me questions! Wow. Real conversation. Why can't my own gender do that with me?

Later I saw a few more mommy’s and tried again. I asked the ages of their kids & what schools they attended. They told me and I probed some more with activities etc. I asked if they were using the pool and going to family dive in movie night. Some didn’t know about dive in movie night. (Yea, and I’m the idiot with no kids) I explained the family dive in movie night and this woman listens to me tell her about how fun it is. (I took a visiting niece last year) And she immediately turned to her friends and began to tell them about this function with all this excitement and walked away from me. They did not ask me anything about me. It was all them all the time. I heard it all. I continued to ask and listen and tried to fit in. It didn’t work. The more women that arrived the more they all circled each other and left me out.

I don’t for the life of me get this. It really angers me. In the early 70’s didn’t we fight so we could have choices? Then why are some choices treated as though you are less of a woman? Yes, I am a feminist! OH NO....The horror!

I believe we are damn lucky there were radicals to fight for your right to have choices. My poor mother had no such opportunity. She would have loved a career but instead was told she was a woman and her choice was to be a wife and mother or an old maid. Nice choices there huh? If your choice is to be a mommy that doesn't make you better or worse. That was just YOUR CHOICE.

So to all you mommy’s who read me, THANK YOU !

To all the mommy’s out there who ignore we women who don’t have children – SNAP OUT OF IT.

We with no children are not contagious! We have a lot to offer in friendship and babysitting services. Ah ha! You never thought of that now did you?

Who better to babysit while you're out for an evening with your hubby?....or a weekend away?

A 16 yr old kid that you have to pay or a friend who would love every waking minute of it because she knows eventually they go home?

Your thoughts?

I'm sure you've seen this video. I think I was the last person left on the planet who hadn't seen this video. I would like to know what you think.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0

Any Psychologists out there? For some reason this bothers me a bit.
I realize it was fun and cute and all that but something bugs me and it really bothers me that it bugs me!

Old Fuddy Duddy perhaps?
Not sure I can put my finger on it....

It's the time of the week

It's official I am OLD.

Oh, you'd think I would have figured that out when the boobs went south, or when I realized the eye makeup went on better if I held up my eyelid now or when my i needed the dreaded "reading" glasses. But apparently that wasn't enough to throw me into the reality of old age. Nope technology is doing that for me. (twitter makes my head explode)

Ya’ll know I am a curmudgeon….oh I don’t yell at the kids to get off my damn lawn but it’s getting close to that these days.

Yesterday just was a day that everything was frying my arse. But my cell phone pet peeve reared it’s ugly head a couple of times yesterday. I almost had a Linda Blair moment where my head spun and I spit pea soup.

I went to the grocery store after work for just a couple of non perishables.
I was standing in line and unfortunately it was a slow long line. The woman behind me was 40-41 yrs old at the oldest. Old enough to know better. She apparently needs constant stimulation and standing in this line was more than she could bear and I assume she is deaf because she sure screamed into her phone. If she wanted stimulating conversation I could have assisted. She could have even responded when I said hello but that would have taken social skills which became apparent to me that she didn’t have.

She picked up her phone and proceeded to talk on the phone. LOUDLY.
Why do people do this? This call was not important. This call was not to say she was running late. This was not about picking up her children or even inquiring about them. This was not about anything important in any earthly way. She was gossiping, she was chatting about her daughter’s horse riding lessons; she was taking about going shopping etc. I heard more than I wanted to know about her entitled children and lazy husband. Yes, she mentioned to the person on the phone that she couldn’t get him to do anything when he got home except sex. I so wanted to tell her to shut the fuck up. I wanted to rip that phone off her ear and say - really this dribble couldn’t have waited until you got home? You have to talk so loudly that everyone must hear about your car, vacations, horses and sex life? But I just sat in line and waited and day dreamed about taking her phone and smashing it and then smile at her and turn around.

The 2 young men in front of me bought party food, well boy party food. Beer, chips, salsa, pretzels, frozen pizzas, etc. When the cashier asked them for ID only 1 kid had it. She would not let them have the beer until both could show proof of ID. So the 1 with the ID paid for all the food and they put the beer aside and we had to wait until the other kid went to the car and got his ID. More time to listen to the woman behind me on the phone!

This now gave Blondie something else to talk about on the phone. She had to describe each guy and what they were buying as well as wearing. It took everything I had not to ask her to hang up. I just don’t for the life of me get that. How did you ever survive before cell phones? My God you had to buy your groceries and go home without talking to anyone about your every waking move. Why not call a girlfriend for idle chatter when putting the groceries away? Gee that could be convenient for you and all of us who have to listen to your shit!

The check out girl at this point had heard enough of this woman on the phone and said to me, “These people who are on their cells constantly drive me crazy.” And then she was off on a tangent…..”They actually will continue talking nonsense while I am asking them questions and I think that is rude”….and on and on she went.
I was smiling and nodding my head in agreement because here was this young woman saying what I was standing there fuming about. Okay maybe it’s not an old lady thing….but I think it is truth be told.

Finally I was out of there. I ran to Target to get a shower curtain liner quickly before we head to the lake house tonight. I went down the aisle I thought it would be on but this late 20 something girl was sitting on the bottom shelve with her long legs outstretched into the aisle while discussing her date. No shopping cart. Just she and her cell phone. Apparently it was her 2nd date and he was so awesome she went home with him. No, she’s no longer on the pill but she thinks it’ll be okay because she used a condom.
Now am I nuts to think this was more than I needed to know? A woman with 3 kids came down the aisle….1 in the cart, two old enough to hear but probably not understand what this crazy chick was saying. As I went to the end of the aisle I heard her say he was a great lay. Okay if I had been the mom with the kids I would have gone ballistic at this point. Here is where I am old…..I can sure see me talking like this to a girlfriend or a blog where children can’t hear or read me. But honestly to just sit on a shelf in an aisle in the store for a full length account of your date to a girlfriend is just bad social skills and manners at best. When did this become acceptable? And if she had to take this call or make this call – why not go out to the car since she wasn’t even shopping. Just sitting there blocking traffic!

Aside from 911, calling to find your kids, pickup your kids, call AAA, and things along those lines I don’t get the need to chat on my cell for ever in a public place. I don’t have kids so that doesn’t leave me a whole lot of reasons to use my cell. Emergencies, tell Rick I’m running late, or someone I’m running late, lost, etc.

But the best thing I’ve seen for cell phone use was a few weeks ago while I was in the grocery store again. I had just turned the corner to go down a new aisle and I see this man reading things to the person on the other end and it went like this. ....

“Honey I don’t see one with a blue label are you sure maybe they changed the label?”

“No I swear I have looked everywhere can’t I just buy XYZ?”

as he moves down the aisle I hear...

“Oh yeah, yeah here it is, it’s here on the bottom shelf – how many do you want?”

“Okay I’m on my way home. I love you.”

Now that is a good use of your cell phone. And that made me smile.

Oh what a beautiful morning.....

I couldn't stay awake last evening to watch my boyfriend's show while he interviewed my other boyfriend. I had to tivo it to watch this morning with my morning coffee, over and over again.

My boyfriend...

Interviewed my other boyfriend.....

I had a damp morning.

Eat a Potato Bitch

The girl next door just found out she was pregnant.
There are so many things wrong with this statement but I will tell you about them all another day.

She and her husband were trying to get pregnant so it was of no surprise to anyone.
She called and said let’s get together for dinner.
I hung up and told Rick, “Hey M’s pregnant.”
He asked., “Is that what she called for, to tell us she was preggers?”

“No. She called to ask us to dinner.”

“How do you get pregnant from that?”

“When has she asked us to dinner? It's usually hey, let’s get together for drinks?”

“Good point – she’s knocked up.”

When they arrived I asked everyone what I could get them to drink she responded with “Water.”
Yep I’m psychic huh?

Instead of waiting until they told us my hubby blurts, “Are you pregnant?”
Her face turned beet red and she said “YES we are.”
I could have killed him right there on the spot– ruining her surprise like that.
He’s such a dufus at times honestly. Yea, I could kill him but I would miss the nut.

Now these kids drive us crazy when it comes to food. We try to NEVER EVER eat with them.
We are foodies and we admit it. A new Thai restaurant opens we want to check it out.
A new Italian place in town – fire up that stone oven and crack open a bottle of Chianti we’re on our way. But these two….Oh .MY. GOD. They will tell you the calorie content in everything and make you feel like shit.

I went out to dinner with them once for her birthday and vowed I would never do that again.
It went like this….
“Did you really want blue cheese dressing that is not low fat Peggy?”

“Why yes indeedy I sure did!”

“Do you know that there are over a days worth of calories in that steak?”

“Can you take your blonde skinny ass home or shut the fuck up?”
Okay I didn’t really say that I was just dreaming I did.

So hubby and I will no longer go out to dinner with them – it’s a pain in the ass big time.
They came home from a weekend away for their anniversary.
We asked how the hotel was and how was the show etc. They told us that on the night of their anniversary they ate at Ruth Chris Steak House and had steaks with a blue cheese compound butter topping. They said it was really good. I couldn’t believe my ears. I swear they just said steak, cheese and butter and they ate it.
I really wanted to ask if they threw up afterwards but thought that might be a bit snarky so I refrained.

But then they went on to explain how they had to go to the gym afterwards before they headed back to the hotel. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT?
They went on about how many calories they consumed and how they needed to work it off for an hour. Now is it just me or would you work it off by rip roaring hanging from the chandelier sex on your anniversary? Aah shucks everyone I know would rather get on the stairmaster. Yea, I can just hear my husband now…..no dear not tonight I have to go work out and burn those calores from that butter and lobster. I swear if he told me that I would think he was cheating on me for sure! Exercise over sex? It's amazing that she is even pregnant!

So this week at dinner while she moved her food around her plate she said that the doctor told her she has to eat so much more now that she is pregnant. She said the following statement in complete and utter exasperation, “I have to eat 100 more calories right now – 100 more a day!” (even typing that makes me laugh my fat ass off)
Rick being ever the smart ass said, “My, oh my, how ever will you be able to do that?”
I laughed and said, “eat a couple oreo’s for God’s sake and it’s over.”

But she was not happy about this. "I don’t want to be fat" is all she kept whining. I bit my tongue most of the evening but then finally I had had it and said, “This is not about you being fat, this isn't even about you anymore this is about feeding and nourishing a baby for God’s sake!”

This shall be an interesting 9 months.

I guess that is why God didn’t give me kids – he/she knew I’d eat for 2 or 3 and enjoy the living hell out of it and then bitch that I couldn’t lose the weight. But my God Ben and Jerry are the only men I’d leave my husband for and damn it there is nothing that comes between me and my boys - certainly not pregnancy!

Drop Dead Diva

I really thought that the new show Drop Dead Diva would be a bit hokie and sappy.
First of all it was on Lifetime television.
Generally I find the movies and shows on that channel to be women as victims movies.
They make me roll my eyes and scream - "Get a spine woman!"

But it was getting good reviews and while summer is endless in it's drivel on TV I tivo'd this so I could catch it later when nothing was on TV.

I watched it last night. I was blown away by how good it was. The young woman playing the lead was fantastic. (Brooke Elliott) And it was not an easy role. It was much deeper than I thought it would be. I liked it. I liked it a lot. I also thought she was cute. See for yourself....

It sounds like a typical chick Lifetime show that would be light and fluffy but it wasn't as light and sappy as it could have been. Here is what I read and thought, Oh Jeez not another one.

"Vapid blond model Deb (Brooke D'Orsay) is killed in a car accident but returns to life in the body of smart, plus-size attorney Jane Bingum"(Brooke Elliott) Initially horrified at her new body, Deb finds the meaning of inner beauty as she summons the smarts to juggle legal cases, aided by her assistant (Margaret Cho), and reconnects incognito with her still-grieving boyfriend.

So you can see why I was surprised to see such depth and humor in this show. It's more of a dramady. I'm not sure I would say it is as good as Rescue Me but I really liked the characters and I wanted to see it again to see what happens to them and how they grow. If she had turned into a bimbo or they used the weight issue constantly it would have bored the hell out of me.

If you get to see the premiere episode where the back story is all laid out - check it out. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised too. Is it great? Not at all. But what are your choices this summer? Wipeout? Another bimbo looking for a husband...err the Bachelorette?

And now that I have said all this about the show and put it out there I imagine episode 2 will suck and I will have egg on my face - which will make me want to brownies and it will be Lifetime's fault!

I think my Dog and Husband are cahoots!

Okay my dog has learned how to fuck with me.
This my husband finds funny as hell….me not so much.

Our dog was housebroken rather quickly. At least I think it was quick. I never had a dog before. She had it down in a week. Truth be told she rather taught us more than the other way around.

Oh at first being the anal retentive person I am I wanted no accidents on white carpet or accidents anywhere actually. I don’t like things out of place or messy. Oh boy has that changed quickly. I read how to take her out to walk as soon as she is up for a nap and after she eats etc. so that she can pee/poo and not have an accident. The book said that the owner had to watch her and do all the guessing about her bowels. Great, this is what my life has become.….sounds like a rip roaring good time to me.

I believe that logic only sounds reasonable in the book. But I have found my diva dog has a routine all her own…..she must yawn and stretch and scratch before she goes out. She has to take a few laps around the kitchen island and sniff at her food bowl before she is ready for any such walk. Take her out immediately upon waking from a nap and she will just go outside and lay down and not walk no matter what you do, say or how hard you pull. I have looked like an idiot out there squatting in front of my house pulling, talking, coaxing, begging, etc.

Within the next week or so she took to sitting by the front door every time she had to go out.
Now this is well and good if I am downstairs. However I live in a 3 floor townhome. My office is on the 2nd floor. I work from home; therefore, I am always on the 2nd floor. My office is a loft so I can hear what is going on downstairs. But I can’t tell if she is sitting by the door or not. If I am on the phone with a customer I don’t notice it is quiet down there until it is too late. So there were 2 accidents. So we got bells for the front door. Everyone swore by these damn bells. I figured what the hell have I got to lose besides my sanity….I would give ‘em a try.

We trained Izzy to hit the bells with her nose if she needed to go out. You were to say 3 times, “Izzy do you have to go potty, ring the bells.” For some reason I feel like an ass saying this 3 times but okay I’ll try it. These bells hang from a ribbon and are attached to the front door handle. We got them on a Monday afternoon and by Tuesday morning she had the hang of it. By Wednesday I realized I had a hustler on my hands.

I was on the phone with a customer and I heard the bells. I couldn’t get this customer off the phone fast enough. I run downstairs and sure enough she had to go. YIPEE.
We had a very quick walk and came back to the house. I went upstairs after a few minutes of playing with her and some squeaky toys. As I was at my desk I could hear her squeaky toys and knew she was playing. Next thing I know she is ringing the bells again.
Really you have to go only 15 minutes later?
I run downstairs and she is by the door sitting there so regal straight and tall like she is damn proud of herself. Actually I was too.

Off we go to have her do her business but she grabs a stick and begins to frolic on the grass. I realized she did not have to go but that she has figured out that these bells will get me to go outside with her. I bring her back in and play with her for a bit and let calls go to voicemail. She tires out and takes a nap. Whew.

Back to work I go. I have so many calls to return and I am almost caught up when I hear the bells again. Now I am figuring she couldn’t possibly have to go again for God’s sake but she did just have a nap and the book says…...
So I yelled to her to come. She comes barreling up the steps and she is in her frantic pee-pee dance mode. Okay you really have to go. So outside we go again. And she did have to go. Now I am feeling badly that I doubted her. This dog is going to drive me crazy.

Seriously only 5 minutes later she rings the bells again. I am about ready to rip those bells off the door. I am not going down there she is just fucking with me and she wants to play. I continue to work. Another 5 minutes go by. This time she REALLY rings them – like a huge bang, bang, bang against the door. It startled me. I imagine it was her way of yelling, “open this damn door woman and get off your fat ass.”

I’m thinking if I go down there and she doesn’t have to go then I’ll be pissed. If I don’t go down there and assume she doesn’t have to go and she poo’s in the foyer then I’ll be pissed. I don’t know what to do. So I bite and go downstairs.

Once I get to the front door she again is sitting there all pretty and regal waiting on me to put on her leash. I say, “do you have to go potty, ring the bells” And she does. Off we go. And making me feel like the worst dog owner ever she poo’s. Now I am thinking, “you couldn’t do that a bit ago when you peed Izzy, we walked for a long time and you never had to go?” Aargh. I am getting no work done today at all.

This went on all day – the bells, me running, sometimes for a real reason, sometimes she just wanted to get a stick. I went up and down these stairs all day long and I never knew if I could trust the bells or she was just playing me like a fiddle.

This went on for 3 days. FINALLY now we have that behavior squashed. She stopped doing it unless she has to go out. I guess as she gets older she is getting it.

In the mean time my legs are getting a damn great work out.

Me and My Lousy Service

I swear there is a neon sign over my head that says, "Give me poor customer service"

The thing is I am more than polite and courteous when dealing with people because I have had to deal with people my whole career and well, I hate them. So I am pleasant and patient and kind - you know all the things I am not generally in my personal life.....ask my husband....tee hee

My husband and I wanted this 14' x 50' area outside the lower level (daylight basement) area of our lake home to be rid of all the grass. We dug it up....."we" meaning my big strong strapping hubby dug it up. It became way too much for him. Our idea was to make this a fire pit area.
An area to put our colorful adirondak chairs and the fire pit. The deeper he dug the more he realized he was taking on more than he could do alone. I was useless because he wouldn't let me dig. I had a few back surgeries and sometime he treats me like a piece of china....but I digress.

Then the old man next door came over with his back hoe and finished digging down far enough and got it all out. So we had a big ole mud pit. He then put on that black landscaping paper to prevent weeds etc. We went to the stone "store" and picked out the crush and run and the other stuff for the top. When we got there I swear to you that Larry, Darryl and Darryl (remember them from Newhart?) were the derelicts waiting on us. They informed us that the 30 + tons that we were purchasing they would not deliver. Gee, ya think that might fit in our Toyota Highlander? Damn.

So we ask if they know anyone who would pick this up and deliver. The 3 looked at each other and nodding like they just read each others simple minds say, "yep"
Gee could you give us their name and number? Again, the 3 of them looked at one another and then nodded and said, "yep"

I began to laugh and had to put my head down because they didn't even move to get us this name and number they just said YEP and stood there and stared at us. My husband then asked if they could, "please write it down on a piece of paper and give it me right now if you wouldn't mind." THEN they did as they were told. I think there may have been inbreeding here. Honestly!

I love going to the lake house but I could NEVER live down there with all those damn hillbilly's. They are frustrating as well as funny as hell. Okay we call this guy to go pick this stuff up and deliver to us he says he will and gives us a date. Never happened. We call again....he says he will do it on this date.....NEVER showed up. Then he stops taking our calls. So there we are with a hole in the back yard and company coming. Oh goodie.

We then call a landscaper and bite the bullet because we know this is going to cost us money we don't have. The landscaper gives us a bid and we cringe but how the hell else are we going to get this done? Move forward a week now and he calls us to tell us that he just went over and checked the job and he doesn't think this is what we wanted. He asked that when we get there over the 4th to check it out and call him with our thoughts. OMG! Now remember we wanted something to put our chairs on and sit around the firepit and make some s'mores etc. THEY WERE FUCKING BOULDERS PEOPLE! NO SHIT - @#$#% BOULDERS. My dog wouldn't walk across this and I couldn't walk across this without twisting an ankle. We were livid. So here we go again.

I called them back and told Kent, lead Hillbilly Landscaper, that this was completely unacceptable. He explains what happened. I said, "It's done now so let's move on. How soon can it be fixed because we have a month of guests." "Well I imagine in a week or two, maybe 3." I do not blow my top but inside I am seething.
I ask that if you can't do this soon I think it is fair to ask for a discount for this inconvenience. There was silence. I have learned that the one who talks first loses so I am saying nothing, nada. I imagine he is looking at 2 other local yocals and they are all nodding and will say, "of course" But nothing but silence for a very long time. Kent then says, "I can try to consider it."

TRY? I said, "Kent, this was to be done a month ago and the you promised me that we would love it and have it for the 4th. We let that slide without every complaining. We have been patient. Now you tell me because you did not see what your men loaded on the truck they made a mistake. This mistake is inconvenient for me and causing me grief. I have people coming with children. I do not want them to get hurt. It's hard to walk around this when you have to go over it to head to the lake. And now you're asking me to wait for another 3 weeks or more. I don't think asking for some type of compensation for this is out of line."

Kent repeats."I can consider it."

"No, I'm sorry I don't think that is good enough Kent. How would it fly if when you asked for the deposit I told you I'd consider it? Or better yet how would it fly if on the day of final payment I told you I would have to consider it?"

He laughed and said, "What if I get it done by end of next week?"

" I can live with that Kent. Thank you very much!"

He called me this morning to let me know that they are putting 2 kinds of surface river rock on my porch so when we arrive Thursday night we can choose what one we prefer. Then we are to call them and by then he'll have an exact date.

Something tells me this is going to be an ongoing issue.
Stay tuned.

Happy Birthday America

I'm heading to the lake

I thought I would end with a picture of my newest baby sleeping on Rick's stinky work sneakers.

I took this last weekend at the lake house.

Have a safe and Happy 4th of July!

..... if you need a giggle and want to know what my weekend will be like you can refer to May 27 2008 - I'm sure it will be similiar....different story but my hubby will do something crazy.

Numbnuts...err Mr. Numbnuts to you.

Gov. Mark Sanford is an idiot.
Not because he had an affair.
Not because he lied to his family, his constituents, his office staff, but because he won’t shut the fuck up!
Good Grief did he get fucked senseless while in Argentina?

How dumb can you be? Oh, I’m hiking the Appalachian Trail.
Doesn’t matter that I am not on vacation and due at work but I’ll tell my staff that just the same. Dumb ass lie number 1.
Then he gets caught and he says this woman in Argentina is his soul mate, he loves her.
BUT he will try to fall back in love with his wife now that he has been caught.
Oh what a keeper this guy is.
Mrs. Sanford – RUN FOR YOU LIFE IF YOU HAVE AN OUNCE OF SELF ESTEEM!!

Listen, I don’t know what goes on in other peoples homes. I do not know what deals they make. but how in God’s name can you stand by this idiot when he has proclaimed that this other woman is his soul mate but he will try to fall back in love with you. WTF is that about?

Now he is rambling on about how many times he has crossed the line. Okay maybe his wife has a different line that is her limit vs. my line in the sand but still should he not just shut up and stop humiliating his wife, family and himself any further? This is what I would refer to as Exhibit A – “Numbnuts.”

I will say it was nice to see that Mrs. Sanford didn’t “stand by her man” when Numbnuts was on the podium confessing he wasn’t really hiking in the Appalachian Trail, but instead doing the dance of love in Argentina. I can not for the life of me understand that behavior of a wife who has been wronged. (as I have stated in the former blog on 3/12/08 with Mrs Spitzer)

If you wish to move forward and forgive him that is okay by me and your prerogative but why the hell would you stand there like an adoring wife who has had a lobotomy while he tells the world he has a soul mate that is not you or he has been humping a young girl 25 yrs your junior. I may forgive him (well not this nut job) but you'd never find me on that podium!
No siree – no way no how.

Michael Jackson.....yet again

Hey am I the only one who wishes all this friggin' coverage of MJ was over with all ready?

C'mon! Do we really need the 1st hour of GMA, Today etc to spend on this topic? Must every friggin' show be about his odd life, dysfunctional family?

He was weird. He had a few decades of good music that meant something to a good deal of people. He was also scary, odd, self absorbed, manipulative, possibly criminal, and not a good friend if you ask Paul McCartney.

So let's call it like it is....it was sad, he died, he was young. We reported it, we saw it on TV for a several days - NOW ENOUGH ALREADY!

Okay, let the mean emails to me begin.

Monday Musings

It’s officially summer. The whole month of July is jam packed with company at our lake house. That is how I know it’s summer. Want friends to visit – buy a place on water. It works like a charm. I am looking forward to all of them. Most from far away that I haven’t seen in years. I bet they haven’t aged a bit…..I can’t say the same.

One year we had guests who were bringing their children. I baked some chocolate cupcakes with homemade vanilla crème centers. You know like a Hostess cupcake. I frosted them with chocolate frosting and white piping just like a Hostess version. When they arrived the cupcakes were on the table in a glass dome container. After the luggage was put away, the kids put on their suits & we adults made a few cocktails and off we went to play in the backyard/water.

When it was lunch time we went up to the house and made a quick and easy lunch and one of the kids asked if they could have a cupcake. I said, “Sure if it’s okay with your mom it is just fine with me sweetie, just help yourself.”

Well then I learned that she does not allow them to have this type of food. I was feeling like shit. It went something like this.....She told her daughter, "NO you know you aren't allowed to have them & then your brother will be begging."

"But Mom she made them for us didn't you Aunt Peggy? "

"If you continue to argue with me you’re both going to bed."

Yikes. This is all my fault!!!

So here they are all pretty on a pedestal glass dome container for the world to see and they aren’t allowed to have any. I asked the mother after the kids left the room if they could have some later or was it just not right now at lunch time. She said, No, Never.
We went back outside and I actually forgot about it.

Then later in the day after the sun went down I walked into the kitchen to find the kids just staring at the cupcakes and I was mortified. Literally looking at them on the table like an exhibit at the zoo.

I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to walk over and just yank them away for heaven’s sake. But I felt horrible that they were standing there staring at something yummy they weren’t allowed to have and that I had made just for them. I asked if they wanted some watermelon. They didn’t and really can you blame them? They have chocolaty goodness staring back at them for God’s sake. I felt like the worst hostess ever!

So I asked if they saw the play station in the game room. They hadn’t so they ran downstairs. Whew!

In the mean time I grabbed my hubby and said, “Run these over to the neighbors – they’ll eat them.” He looked at me and said, “But I love these why are you giving them all away?”
I explained the situation to him and he said he wanted to save one. I looked at this grown ass man and said, “C’mon now Rick they don’t need to see you eat them while they would love one - they have literally been staring at these for awhile so get over to the neighbors before they see you leave with them. And eat one over there or something you big baby. It’s not like I can’t make more for you later”

When he came back from the neighbors – who were thrilled by the way - He gave the mom shit for not letting the kids have just 1 for a treat from their “Aunt” Peggy and “Uncle” Rick.
She laughed and said, “You want one don’t you Rick? I didn't say you couldn't.”

But she was strong in her conviction that her children will not have excess sugar or junk food or eat things that are not healthy. Good mom I know. I just can’t wrap my head around it for a treat though. I bought ice cream treats too but they couldn’t have those either. Thankfully they didn't see those. After the cupcake "incident" I asked the mom first when they weren't around.
I was a bad hostess that year. I just thought of summer things I liked as a kid and those 2 things came to mine. Ice cream and cupcakes and I love to bake so easy fix. WRONG.

So now I ask everyone who is coming. What can I feed your children, what do they like, not like, any allergies to food etc? Makes everyone’s life feel better that way.

The grown ups will eat anything ….even that mom who wouldn’t let her kids. When they went to bed it was junk, alcohol and cigarettes. While they are awake she is a saint.

Good thing I didn’t have kids. I'm no saint and I’d go straight to hell I'm afraid.

Kids, Dogs, it's all the same

Okay you know how people with new babies or little children only talk about said babies and their adorable children? Well I feel I am living that world these days. Jeez, I hate those people!

Oh God it's awful and wonderful. I love this puppy but I find it stressful. She is not housebroken and she has shit once on the carpet so I am now watching her constantly. Everyone including me thought this wouldn't be so difficult since I work from home.

Hell no! I am not getting any thing at work accomplished at all this week really. She is very consuming when she is not napping. THANK GOD FOR PUPPY NAPS!!

I am trying to read the signs and I swear there are times she looks at me like, "what the hell is wrong with you? You've had me now for 6 days and you still can't read my signs of when I have to go pee or poop? Boy I have a dumb ass mother here!"

There are times that she looks like the perfect puppy jumping high and frolicking with her squeaky toys or when she is sleeping. Then there are times when she looks at me from the corner of her eyes and looks to be thinking...."if I had thumbs so help me God I would open that door and run from you, you neurotic woman!"

I realize that my floors will never look beautiful and clean again.

I realize that all my issues and being anal retentive about my home being just so are long gone....along with perky breasts.

So what was I thinking of becoming a new mom at this age?

Is there enough wine or Tangueray gin to get me through this?

Hell those are rhetorical questions - of course there isn't enough wine or gin. There isn't enough on a good day!

Doggy Paddle

My first letter to my Mommy's friends.

Boy have I had a weekend!

My new parents picked me up on Friday in Charlotte NC and I had the longest car ride of my 3-month life. Then on Saturday, they took me down to their boat. I don't like the boat. I hide under Daddy's seat.

I did sit on the dock far from the edge like a perfect little puppy by my mommy's legs. So she grabbed her camera from her wrist and looked in the viewfinder to see my cute face.

But instead she saw me put my paw over the edge of the dock and I fell head first - I did a somersault - into the lake. She went to grab me as I was going down, down, down.

In the meantime my daddy was in the water and he came over and grabbed me by my neck as I came back up to the surface all by myself! I was so scared that my little heart was pounding and pounding so hard and I let daddy hold me and I put my head right on his shoulder and snuggled until I felt better.

In just a few minutes of snuggling, I was just fine and decided to find out what all this wet stuff was anyways.

I got the hang of swimming pretty quick if I do say so myself. (I stayed in the shallow end by the shore I admit) I think my parents were more scared than me! They said they didn't plan on introducing me to water that way - but it ended up being fun.
Now I am at another house and I am so confused. I think they are trying to drive me nuts.

And you know what drives me crazy? All they do is keep asking me if I want to go outside.

I don't want to go outside it's too hot what is wrong with them? I am a diva and only like the shade or air conditioning! Can't they tell that every time we go out and I will always sit under a tree before I can go on. Jeez!

I hope you like my first day of swimming pictures. As long as they don't make me try that boat thing again I think it may be a fun summer!

Sloppy Kisses,

Izzy

some quick thoughts

Izzy is coming home tomorrow! YIPEE. This was sent from the breeder. She is 13 weeks old. I can't wait to get her home. Video's and photo's to follow.

It's still raining. It's raining in my header picture from May when we were in the Bahamas. It rained the minute we got home and hasn't stopped since. What the hell? I guess the drought is at least over but honestly I may have webbed feet soon. I left Seattle for a reason!! (well 2 actually the people are very very weird!)

I am blessed to have a cleaning lady. She is trust worthy and that is priceless. She is the best we've ever had as far as cleaning. However she is a bitch. There are days when the idea of cleaning my own toilet is actually a happy thought than to deal with her attitude and unreliabilty. That feeling does pass though.

She boasts how she is always on time. She is NEVER on time. I don't dare say that for fear of her. She never listens and gets what you tell her correct because I believe she is thinking about her response once you open your mouth to speak to her. And God knows she will agrue with you if you tell her that you told her this or that or that the sky is blue. She is always right and she is a bitch about it. She doesn't do humor.

She has a very thick accent and she does confuse words us. Sometimes I have no idea what the hell she is trying to tell me. She has been here for 14 years. Her husband sounds just like me. He has lived here in America as long as she has. Difference is he will speak English all the time....she refuses to. He has moved up the ladder in his company and she is cleaning houses and bitching. She became a United States Citizen a few years ago. Yet every time she goes to Mexico to see her family she says, I am going to my country. If she is talking about anything she says,,," in my country." I always retort with, your country is now America. Didn't you hold up your hand and swear to that? So yes, I am a bitch right back but for some reason that one sticks in my craw. Do you think the snotty French would tolerate that?

She was suppose to be here an hour ago. I am sure she will have some excuse. Just so she shows up - she has been known to not do that too. But I continue to say, "I am thankful I can afford a cleaning lady 2 times a month." and deal with the crazy ass woman. But my toilets and floors need cleaned woman - hurry up!

Ghosts

I love the show Paranormal.
Seriously though I can not watch it alone at times- even daytime.
I always wait for Rick to be home to watch it with me.
It's over now for the season but because I tivo it I just watched the season finale.
That show just lingers on for me. I think about it a lot.

When I was a little girl I have very vivid memories of an imaginary friend who I called Janet.
I can see what she is wearing to this very day. Black braided pigtails, red plaid dress, white socks and black shiney Mary Jane shoes.
Scary I can remember that but not where my flip flops were left last.

My family has always told stories about me screaming because my father "sat" on her.
Making my mom set a place for her at the dinner table for her.
I was 6 and under when we lived at that house. I remember all of this like it was yesterday.
Hell, better than yesterday because I don't remember what I had for dinner yesterday.

On the show Paranormal they showed a kid who was always talking and playing with an imaginary friend. The parents were worried about the kid and were convinced he saw ghosts. When the team came to inspect of course the parents were correct.
Unfortunately the imaginary friend began to scare this little boy and that was why the paranormal team was called in. So this young boy was playing with an older child who was making him sad and making him do mean things and damaging things around the house.
It wasn't fun anymore to play with him yet he wouldn't go away. That made him mad.
Hence the parents need to get this out of the house and why they were scared and called the paranormal team.

Now my husband is really convinced that my imaginary friend was a ghost. (he thought it could be before when I told him stories)
I know she could have been because I have lived in homes that were haunted and I have seen "things." shall we call it. But honestly I really just thought I had a vivid imagination - end of story.

However I am not so sure anymore. Rick asked me if my imaginary friend, Janet, came with us when we moved. I said no. And it hit me like a bolt. Why if this was imaginary wasn't she at my new house? Hmmm....good question.

So maybe he's right. (for once...tee hee) and she was a little girl that passed away in that home and came back. She liked my little toy piano and my blocks. I remember playing with those toys with her for hours. Could my whole memory of me and my imaginary friend be of a ghost? It kind of flips me out to think that to be honest. But he makes a good point. She was in my life all the time and then we moved and never saw her again.

Makes you wonder doesn't it?

WHAT? HUH? WHAT DID YOU SAY?

My husband makes my coffee most mornings. I don't like to chat when I get up. He has this annoying habit of whistling, being happy, as well as being all chatty Cathy. 
I hate that.

This morning he is talking to Izzy like I can't hear. I can hear you I want to scream but that would entail talking so I don't bother.
"Your mommy is not happy in the morning is she Izzy? No, we have to get some caffeine in her first don't we?"  

Honestly, if I had the energy I'd smack him into next week. But then I realize I'd have to make my own coffee. I remind myself I abhor violence.

All the while his chatter is taking place Good Morning America is on in the background. They are going on and on about a concert in Bryant Park this morning.
I hear them say that JOHN LENNON would be playing at this event....they said this so many times I had to speak. Damn them.
I say to Rick– WHAT? JOHN LENNON? HOW THE HELL IS THAT GOING TO HAPPEN? He's been dead for 20+ years.

He couldn’t answer me because he was laughing so hard.

Apparently, it was JOHN LEGEND who would be performing at said event.

Oh well now that makes more sense.

I feel like Emily Latella on Saturday Night Live.

Do you remember that old lady character that Gilda Radner played?

“What is all this excitement about for saving the feces? Why must we save the feces?”

"No Emily, it’s save the species.”

“ Oh. Never mind.”

Oh God, my life has come to this.
I need a hear aid don't I?

I got to hug a dolphin!

Vacation was great. Let's start with that.

Vacation weather sucked. It rained every damn day.

I would normaly insert picture here but realize that all photo's are of people who don't want to be on the blog. Even hubby so no video or photo's folks. How boring....

BUT I did find a way to get hubby on here - back of head on top of blog.

(Always a way around this people)

I got to play with a dolphin. His name was Andy. Andy was born in captivity.

On one hand that saddens me. But now he couldn't go out in the wild because he doesn't know how to hunt for food. On the other hand I am glad he was there so I could do all I got to do with him.

They wouldn't let me bring my camera down to the place where we got to touch him, hold him, play with him etc. I was pissed about that. Of course they took pictures and videos of you so that you would spend the big bucks to get these pictures. I refused.

$58 for a picture when I had my own damn camera really ticked me off. So I refused their tactics. I will remember this day for the rest of my life. And if I get dementia I wouldn't remember it from the photo's either so what the hell.

It was so damn cool though. My husband has told me for years they would feel like an olive. They do not feel like an olive! The dolphin felt more like my rubber mat I floated on in the pool.

I wasn't expecting the dolphin to be so squishy feeling. It was just so damn cool I can't even articulate this all.

I rubbed his pink and grey belly, his head, his back, his dorcel fin. I "danced" with him while I held his "hands" (pectoral fins) His teeth were incredibly sharp but so straight. That is what fascinated me the most. He opened his mouth and allowed me to rub my fingers across his teeth.

Honestly this was the best part of my trip!

The 2nd best part was the island massage. They took us by boat to this private island. There were cabana's that were very private and we had massages there. It was a large Zen garden feel. Gorgeous really! The water lapping on the shore was the only sound you heard. It was heavenly. I highly recommend everyone getting to do that at least once. The whole Sandals Cay (island) was glorious....rain and all.

I was nicknamed "Casper" by a few couples at the resort because of my bright white skin. I was so hoping to get some sun. But mother nature had other ideas. I came home with the same white legs. I did get some color in my upper body because on the day it was actually nice for 4 hours I was sitting in the pool bar so my legs were in the water and my upper body got a nice sun burn. Oh well. Fun was had by all.

Now it's back to work and guess what - it's raining here too!
I can't catch a break can I?

Random Friday Musings

Let's start with the light stuff......American Idol.

My gal Allison is gone but hopefully someone will get her a record deal and I'll get to hear her rockin'. I still can't believe she is only 17. Man I was so NOT that cool or poised at 17!

Thrilled to see Danny Gokey go. Something about him was swarmy to me. He never seemed sincere and I always felt there was something creepy behind that smirk. Ooooh. He gave me the creeps.

So that leaves me with Kris and Adam. I have loved Adam since day 1. He was always my pick with Allison and Kris in that order. I think who ever doesn't win is probably better off - not having to do the sappy crap they make them sing. But one never knows. Kelly Clarkson's first CD was pretty damn good. Either way I still want Adam's hair. Yea I said it, I want a dude's haircut.

I know he plays for the other team but he is just so damn yummy. A Big Tall good looking strapping dude. Unlike the host who is such a girly man. A tiny little man. No, a girl needs a MAN. Big shoulders to hug you with. Who wants someone as tiny as they are? Not me. Oh well, like they always say the good ones are either gay or married! Too bad I didn't have a son to fix him up with!

Grey's Anatomy.....WTF? Last night's finale drove me crazy. There were a ton more commercials than there was show time. Thank God for a DVR and fast forward. And that damn music on the show is louder than the dialog and it drives us crazy. I so wish I could mute the music and just listen to the characters speak without having to rewind all the time. It was all predictable except GEORGE. OMG!!! That blew me away. I will be so sorry to see my lovable George go away.

My husband and I have applied for new insurance because we are being raped by Blue Cross Anthem. Currently they have raised our monthly premiums to $903 a month. It is killing us.

So we went out to bid and applied for insurance with a few other companies. We got a rejection notice from one company and they listed the reason as my husband having ongoing lung cancer.

WHAT? So after the initial shock wore off we called them. I mean seriously if he had lung cancer for the past 10 yrs as it states he would be a walking miracle and should be on TV! 2nd of all IT IS NOT TRUE!!!!!!!!!!

We are currently in doctor and insurance nightmare hell. Now I realize the real hell would be if he had ever had or currently has lung cancer. That point is not lost on us. But in the mean time we can't get insurance. We are going round and round with everyone and no one wants to take responsiblity and step up to the plate. We need one of these damn doctors to write a letter and say this isn't so. I won't bore you with all the work we have done and continue to do to fight this but it is pure hell. I wouldn't wish this on Dick Cheney.....and I dispise that son of a bitch.

We leave for the Bahama's in less than a week and I am so ready. Sitting close to the water with my toes in the sand, sun on my face and water lapping onto my legs. A cold beverage in one hand and my sweetie holding the other - God I can't wait!

Beach Wear

My husband made a loud, serious and determined proclamation this morning over coffee that he will no longer be consuming any bread products, pizza or pasta until our vacation in 13 days.

He stated he has to look good in his bathing suit.

I spit out my coffee across the room in a fit of laughter.

Like 13 days of that will eliminate my little ole pot bellied stallion.

God love him.

Kindle Shmindel

I have a love for books.
I love the smell of books, the feel of books, the experience of books.


I have vivid memories of my collection of Nancy Drew's. I was so proud that I had read all of those beautiful books on my book shelf in my room. I couldn't wait to add the next one.


I also have very fond memories of my mom taking me to the library in the summer. It was our afternoon together. My younger sister thought that reading in the summer was crazy. No school, no reading for her! That was utter nonsense in her world.
So my mom normally left her with the neighbor to play with their daughter and we would head off into "town" to go to the library.


I liked everything about the library.....okay except I had to be quiet.
I even enjoyed the Dewey Decimal System. Oh God I am showing my age.
Flicking the cards in those old oak drawers looking for the names of my favorite authors and then the hunt on the shelves for the book. It was a mystery to me and I loved the whole damn ritual of it all. Then coming home to read my books. That was pure bliss.


On a warm summer day I would put some cherries or strawberries in a bowl and go outside in the yard with my bowl of cherries and a blanket. I would lay on the blanket delving into other worlds that were so much better than the one I lived in and without little sisters.


Now there are Kindles. I curse Kindles. Oh goodie you don't have to lug books around.
Oprah was actually whining about how her books were so heavy to drag to the beach.
Gee, lifting something other than a fork may do a body good. (meow...bad margaret)


Honestly so you put them in a canvas bag like the rest of us trotting off to the beach with a few good reads. I don't want to hold a plastic thingy to read. There is no great book smell except the smell of plastic. They claim you can highlight. I don't often have a need but I can see how kids in school/college would - but gee aren't there yellow highlighters out there for just this purpose? You know how heavy those damn yellow highlighter pens are to lug around. Can't be putting that in my canvas bag with my books it may just be the extra ounce that will pull my arm! Tear a rotator cuff or God forbid burn a calorie or two.
Oprah wants strong Michelle Obama arms? Trying carrying your own books then woman!


Apparently it was announced this week that it is now necessary for a bigger Kindle .
Oh goodie a bigger plastic gizmo that one must haul around. (bigger memory)
Oh I hope it's not too heavy Oprah to take to her Hawaiian beach.


It's brighter so you don't have to turn on the lights. Going Green - saving electricity!
It comes with a great new keyboard. Yipee. I love to type while reading.
It stated in the article that you can also get new big earphones so you can read in private .
Gee I have never needed earphones to read privately but hey that's just little old fashioned me. I guess I really needed those earphones but it appears that I was just too damn stupid to know I needed them.
I do think if you are blind this may be a very handy dandy piece of plastic. It can read to you....in a very robotic voice it states but no pesky need to read. So who needs to learn braille or the written word?


I am guessing that like my last post everyone is so weak from hunger that they can no longer hold up a book so having a robotic voice read to them is comforting. Seriously it's so much better to hold a cold piece of lightweight plastic of 10+ ounces than hold a book . C'mon they say the average book weighs 12 ounces. I could pull a muscle or strain something!


And all that page turning. Let me tell you -picking up your arm and making that sweeping gesture can be so difficult after 4 hours at the gym. There is only so much one can do - first you want me to hold a book, then turn the friggin page - and then read it with my own eyes. what the hell do you think I am?


So tuck your kids in bed and use the glow of the Kindle as a night light.
Turn on your Kindle to your favorite story for the kiddies and let some robot read them to sleep. It's so incredibly comforting!

Signed,
Snarky Margaret

I scream, We all scream for Ice Cream!!

We need more Rhoda Morgenstern’s in life.

Have you notice how everyone is blonde and skinny these days? Even Asian girls are dying their hair blonde? Holy shit that must be high maintenance! I just don’t have the stamina for all that up keep. I am lucky that I can wash away my gray’s every once in awhile.

Growing up there was Mary Richards and Rhoda Morgenstern. (MTM and Valerie Harper) There was Bette Midler and there was Diana Ross.
There was Goldie Hawn and there was Jane Fonda.
All of these women were different from one another big time even though in the same given field. Yet all wildly successful. Each brought their own unique talent to their chosen career.

Some of these women were “broads” in the true and most positive sense of the word.
I like being a broad. I like that distinction. There are no more broads these days.

There are air heads and fame whores to be sure.
All dressed alike and all dying for a piece of bread or a delicious carb.
Everyone is working desperately to look like everyone else…..a stick with a big head.

It’s like they are screaming…..”Look at Me! Look at Me!” I’m starving over here so damn it “Give Me All Your Attention!” “I need attention!!”

I am glad that I got to hear and see Rosemary Clooney. Today she wouldn’t get a record contract because she did not fit the new mold. She wasn’t dumb, she wasn’t a fame whore and she liked a potato every now and then.

We have fat men singer and actors, but we forgive them. They still are hireable.

But for some reason women do this to ourselves.

We need to make the change….the men will follow.

So stop screaming at me that men don’t like women with curves.

I don’t recall Marilyn Monroe or Cindy Crawford for that matter having a problem in that area. Marilyn today would be a plus size model. Cindy wasn’t skinny either. In Cindy’s hayday she never looked like she missed a meal. She was healthy. Same goes for Christie Brinkley.

My husband saw a picture of Kelly Ripa recently in a bikini. He pointed out to me how dreadful she looked. Now you are thinking to yourself, dreadful? My God she is gorgeous. But here we have yet another woman who is truly a stick, not naturally blonde by any means and has the arms of someone in a concentration camp and the tummy of a young high school boy who is starving to make weight on the wrestling team.
When did this become attractive my husband asked me? I, of course, laughed it off.
But it did get me to start thinking about this…..when did having having arms that show all your veins, bones and muscle groups become attractive?

I recently saw some pictures in a new book of men, women and children in a concentration camp and I was startled at the bodies. It filled me with pain. The look in their eyes, the suffering and the hunger were so hard to bear for me. Then I say Madonna’s arms in a paparazzi shot the same day. No difference. Except she chooses to look like that. What is wrong with us that we have now chosen that look as a look of success?

And honestly if she wants to look like that fine….but don’t do it because you have a fear of being 50 + or because society says you are invisible if you have an extra 15lbs of flesh or because you fear your career if you don’t look like all the other emaciated 12 year old blonde bodies vying for the same position.

Don’t get me wrong I am not looking to go back to the ages or cultures that believed that being overweight is considered powerful and wealthy. It was used at that time to show you have money and were successful. I don’t want to see fat or obese come into fashion. But I don’t understand how we got here. It’s sick, it really is sick.

A few weeks ago there was a model who was 6’ tall and she was 117lbs. She was on Good Morning America and all the tv shows proclaiming she didn’t have an eating disorder. They showed her in a bikini. You could count her ribs, tap morse code on her hips bones and basically use her as a walking skeleton for biology classes.
If you take off the sash, the bikini and makeup and put her in a National Geographic Magazine back drop everyone would be sending her food and money to eat. But because she is in America we celebrate her starving herself to be the weight of a woman who is half her height.

It should be okay to have varying shapes, colors and sizes in America. It really should be what we strive for. We do not need to be identical unless of course you are a twin. I liked that my grandmother was soft in the middle….all the better to hug her. I loved that my Dad had big forearms like Popeye and it didn’t matter to me that he was short. I loved that my Mom had a great set of legs….I didn’t care that she was considered too thin back in her day….I cared that she died too early.

Some are born just naturally blonde and thin. They too shouldn’t be punished.
But neither should the brunette who has a bigger bottom like most of the women in her family. It’s really okay to be different….now let’s go celebrate our differences and have some ice cream!

Life

My life has been spinning and not in a good way.
A way that seems like I've had too much tequila and the room is spinning kind of way.

Where did we leave off?
Oh yea, doggie mode. Well the new puppy will be here in a few weeks. She's cute as hell as her picture shows you. I can't wait. She isn't ready to come home until the 26th of this month. Then they are keeping her to train her for 4 weeks.
We have a week off and are heading to the Bahama's and we will pick her up after that trip.

Work has been busy and we've had some doozy customers of late.
What makes someone call YOU for a service and then immediatly are rude and combative.
Amazing to me. Karma will get 'em.

Went to the shore this past weekend. It made me happy to have our lake home. The traffic, the noise, the crowds - all of it was not my idea of a relaxing weekend at the shore.

Rick was asked to do a job for someone who owns a home at the shore. We said no and he kept throwing money at him and we kept saying, NO that it wasn't about money. It is a 3 hr drive one way and we don't go there. He called back again and said we could spend the weekend at his home and gave us a link to view it and the rest is history.

We envisioned a quiet off season weekend. It was warm (low 70's) and we thought we would be able to enjoy some wine and surf and have a nice dinner out etc. Play tourist kind of thing without the tourists. Boy were we wrong.

We got there late Friday and Rick reglazed the tub and tile surround. At 7ish he was finished and he got cleaned up and we went to catch some dinner.
Now back in my 30's a tourist trap was fun to me. The over crowding of all places. The millions of people. The 3 hr wait for a table for dinner and the t-shirt shops galore. But not so much anymore.
Imagine if it was like this in off season what it will be like come summer?!!!

After dinner we went back to the house.
It was a cute little house and only a block to the ocean so a very nice location.
We walked down to the ocean after dinner to walk off dinner and it was really nice.
When we got back to the house we decided to get ready for bed.
There was only 1 bedroom with a bed bigger than a twin size. All the other beds were either bunk beds or twin beds and neither of us noticed the size of this bed.

We came in and plopped our suitcased down on it and went about our day. There were so many pillows on the bed that I, nor Rick, realized the size of the bed.
Now here we were ready for bed & realized that once we took off the dozen or so pillows it was a teeny tiny bed.

Now normally for me that isn't a big issue. All 5' 2" of me has no problems with a short bed.
But dear ole hubby is 6'2" and it was an issue all night that became mine as well.
The bed was so small Rick’s leg hung over the bed from mid calf down. It was lumpy, bumpy and most uncomfortable. While my legs did not even hit the end of the bed it was an issue for me when this 6’2” lug next to me is going diagonal on me.

It was a double bed. Not even a queen. It was a fitful evening so I ended up going to one of the twins sometime during the night…..I then felt like I was on a thin mattress and felt the pea underneath. I got up and moved to the other twin across the room and it was no better. I felt like I was in the Three Bears fairy tale trying all the beds. I couldn't sleep on this.
I finally got up at 4am and stayed up and watched a MASH marathon for God’s sake!

By 6am Rick was up and said, “Let’s get the hell out of here” So we gathered our things, showered and left. The shower was a hoot. The big shower Rick has just done the tub and tile surround so it could not be used. The other shower was so small that only I could fit into. Rick was taller than the shower and his head was above the shower door and even funnier is that he could not turn around.

We laughed our asses off about this because at this point what else can you do but see the humor in it right? First the bed now the shower.
I was brushing my teeth when all of a sudden I see him get out of the shower so that he could turn around and back in and wash that side! Honestly we couldn’t stop laughing. We imagine the home owners are possibly little people or as Rick said that morning, “circus people” I am even laughing as I write this it was so funny to me – well, at least if you weren’t trying to sleep it was funny.

So we headed home by 8am – stopped at a coffee house and hit the road. We were home before noon. That night we got into our bed and were happy to have room and be encased in our tempur pedic.

My God when did we get so old?

C'mon does it get any cuter than this?

Doggie Drama

As I said in a previous post a few weeks ago my husband and I have decided to adopt a Labrador Retriever. My hubby has had quite a few Lab's. He loves their dispositions and traits. We wanted a dock dog who would love jumping into the water and fetching....like this.

I have never had a Lab but we would dog sit our neighbors and I saw quickly how easy it is to fall in love with a Lab. They are such people pleasing dogs.

We thought that we would go to Lab Rescue. On paper rescuing a Lab dog from an awful fate sounded like a great idea. We thought we would be over the puppy hyper stage and be into the adult dog phase. We knew that an adult dog that needed rescuing would have it's own whole new set of problems but we thought we could handle that.

So we waited and waited by the phone to hear from one of the 2 Lab Rescue Groups to call us and say we have been approved. Finally last week we got a call. After several hours of discussions of what we were looking for that would be a good fit for our family we were told of 2 dogs. We were also supposedly told of their personalities and issues. We saw pictures and we decided to go with the female yellow Lab named Custard. She was at a foster family and we were to go see her and pick her up on Sunday at noon.

We arrived a bit early because well, we were excited to meet our new family member.

We were taken to a side yard of gravel and when the foster mom opened the side door 8 dogs came out. The smallest was Custard. These dogs were jumping on us and all vying for our attention and love at once. (red flag #1)

Custard came over to me immediately and started to lick me and of course I melted. But to me she didn't look like a Lab. (flag 2) I asked if she was a Lab and the foster mom said, "I think she may have some golden retriever in her." Hmmm.....she looked more like a hound dog and lab mix to me. But what do I know when I can't even get this poor dog alone.

We never could get any one on one with her. We were surrounded by dogs. The foster mom did nothing to assist us either with pulling her other dogs away. (flag 3) We asked questions and she didn't seem to know much which to me was a red flag number 4. How can she not know this stuff? My husband by this time was already in love. I was thinking we should go home alone and think about this or go see dog number 2.

We were told Custard liked to go to the garbage can and eat so we had to be sure it was kept locked up or away from the dog. She was an abandoned dog and this was her way of getting food for a long time so once she realizes that meals will be regular she will stop this habit. (oh God, I was picturing Marley!) We were told that she had her shots, was spayed, had a clean bill of health from the vet and were given her records. Rick wanted to take her home. So we did without further examination or play and against my better judgement.

There goes my husband again quickly falling for a blonde!

As soon as we got her in the house she peed on my expensive wool dining room carpet. I laughed and said, "we're home!" But she was excited and it was a new place to her so I figured it was to be expected. She had never been on a leash so we thought we better get started on that and go for a walk.

We put on her leash and we tried to go for a walk. OH MY GOD. It was everything you thought it would be. I had Rick take the reigns. She got better after the 5th walk so we knew we were on the right track.

We wanted a more mellow lab but this was ridiculous. She did not do anything let alone fetch. (flag 5 )

Come to see that her teeth were mere nubs. Probably from living on the streets eating cans to get to food or God knows what. She had a K-9 broken off to a nub as well. This dog did not fetch because she couldn't. She liked to lay and be loved. Lay around all the time 24/7 was her favorite thing to do. (flag 6) She also had other medical issues. We noticed that if we touched her right hind quarters she would wince. (flag 7)

We live on water 1/2 the time so a water dog was essential to us. She won't go near water and if she is close that caused trauma. (red flag # 8) We took her to a pond near our townhome and all I can say is - Oh boy this wasn't good!! For any of us. If we threw a tennis ball she would lift her head and look at it and then put her head back down. All the while never even getting up. (flag 9)

We live in a townhome with 3 floors when not at our lake home. That first night we went up to the tv room on the 3rd floor to hunker down in the theatre seats to watch some TV. We noticed she had a very difficult time going up the steps. She was in pain. (flag 10)

On the way down the steps to go to the 2nd floor to bed she almost lost it on the 2nd step. She put her front paws out and caught herself and then wouldn't go any further down the steps no matter how much we tried. So we picked her up and brought her to her new bed in our bedroom.

She would never get anywhere near her bed. We tried to put her there and she would run the other way cowering as though we were going to yell or punish her. We thought perhaps that was because a previous owner did punish her if she went on furniture so now she was afraid to even use a doggie bed.

We picked Custard up at noon and honestly by 2pm we knew this dog was not a good fit. But my God we were in love. She was the sweetest dog we have ever been around. She wanted lots of affection and would give lots - if you came to her. She didn't move much and while we were told she was 5 she appeared to be a lot older. Not in looks but by her personality. Perhaps from her hard life? I knew by that evening that this dog was not going to stay with us. She can't go up and down our stairs. What will happen when we get to the lake house on the weekend? We have steps there and we have a backyard of water which would cause severe trauma.

Oh we were so upset about all of this.

First it was our fault to take her so quickly. We should have demanded to have alone time with her. They tell you that if you like them take them immediatly becuase someone else could scoop 'em up. You know the ole fear factor of our last administration!

2nd it was unfair to be told this was a good match when we had to jump through hoops to explain our wants in a dog and our qualification to get a dog and they not listening to any of it. Knowing that this dog was going back to her foster family was breaking my heart.

When I laid my head down on the pillow I looked at her sleeping on my side of the bed and I was so damn sad. Aah, but a few hours later I awoke and she was not there. I was concerned so I got up thinking she may be in the hall - Nope. I went down stairs first and turned on the light. Well at least I was thinking as I was groggily going down the steps that she went up or down steps wherever she is.

There she was with the pantry door open and the garbage can and all it's contents sprawled all over our maghoney kitchen floors. As I yelled - No Custard, she got up and looked at me with her sad eyes and cowered away. She knew this was wrong. This of course made my hubby wake up. We put her out on the enclosed patio while we cleaned up the coffee grounds and other fun and assorted garbage all over the kitchen.

Rick and I were on our knees and he said, "Does it make you feel any better now that she is going back in a few hours?" Honestly it did not. This poor thing that is so loving was abandoned and I feel like I'm doing the same thing to her. So instead of it making me feel better I just had another good cry!

The following morning was heart wrenching for us both. I know logically this was not a good fit and was the right thing to do. She can't do the steps and we can't have a dog like that or one who doesn't move. Logically I knew, emotionally was another story!

I did call the volunteer and told her everything. This dog needs medical care. I asked if she knew that she had a problem with steps. Imagine my surprise when she said, "No I haven't met this dog yet and I was going by what the foster mom said and that was never mentioned." Gee maybe if she spent some one on one time with the dog she'd know. She has 8 dogs a shit load of cats and horses. C'mon! This is not a good foster parent for this dog. When I asked about lab traits she passive agressively said, "well imagine that, we take a lot of dogs that aren't labs" Then call yourself Dog Rescue not Lab Rescue.

At this point I was livid. I said, "This dog needs to be with a family that doesn't want to play but a companion, perhaps some seniors, someone that lives in a 1 level home and that will just love and adore this sweet thing and give her structure and love and lots of both."

For several days we were a wreck. We hear that she is going to be at an adoption event at PetsMart this weekend and that there is a senior couple coming to see her. I hope this dog gets a wonderful home with them. They will not have to worry about running, jumping or any type of play other than rubbing her belly and loving her.

But my beef is with Lab Rescue. We went there for a lab number 1 and to recuse one from being euthanized. They should do a better job of matching people since they make you go through all this stuff anyway. This should never have happened if they had spent time with the dog and had matched her properly with the right family.

This was a big emotional lesson to learn.....for Custard as well as Rick and me.

So after several days we decided to get a pup after all. It took us a long time to find the right breeder. We did not want a puppy mill dog. We actually found this breeder prior to the rescue process but thought that a pup would be too much for us. Not now. We will take our little pup home on June 11th and I can't wait. They are ready at 8 weeks to go home but we are having them train her for 4 weeks. With us going down there for some of that training as well. This is a picture of a sibling from last year by the same parents. Cute isn't she?

Our new pup will be a girl and her name is Izzy. I'll post pictures as soon as I get them. I will get them next week.