You may recall me sharing with you my horrific experience driving to IKEA with a neighbor friend, Lorri. At the time as I mentioned I was beginning to think she was having difficulties. I brought it up once to her daughter and I was made to feel as if I was insulting her. So I backed off. But it was true, she was having difficulties and they finally had a name for it. Alzheimer's.
Once she was made to move into assisted living she had more tests. Her daughter told me she had a working diagnosis of Alzheimer's/Dementia with Parkinson's or (Lewy body dementia) Gee that about covers everything! Technically an official diagnosis can't be made until an autopsy so that was all I was told.
I hadn't been in touch for a long time. The last time she could barely talk and I couldn't visit her so I wrote to her. I was thinking about her yesterday and called her daughter to see how she was doing since I couldn't visit due to covid.
Her daughter told me she passed away during the lockdown in late March.
She couldn't even go see her mother. By this time she was non-verbal as well. The funeral has been postponed and it worked out well because Lorri was donating her body to science. Because of her issues, some of her body is not suitable for donation and since Lorri always said if she can't donate her organs then she wanted to have her body used for science. She indeed got her way and I am certain helping others. This would have made her so very happy.
It is my understanding that her body will be used up to a year before they get word they can bury her. I had a family friend of my parents who went through this. They notified the family when they were releasing the body.
I recall when I first met her. She would walk down to my house with a bottle of red wine and knock on the door. She would come in and love all over Izzy and make herself comfy. I just love it when people make themselves comfortable at your home. She would take off her shoes and put her feet on the sofa and help herself to pop in the fridge or whatever it was she was looking for. We became friends quickly.
She forgot words from time to time but I didn't think much of that. She was a good 9-10 yrs older than me so I just never thought much about it.
Then one day I said something about the awful smell that was annoying me and she laughed and said that is the best thing about not being able to smell. I asked her if that was a temporary thing. She said, "Oh no, I can neither smell or taste anymore and my dr. says it's normal at my age" Alarms were sounding in my head - No, it's not normal, something is wrong.
Then one day I said something about the awful smell that was annoying me and she laughed and said that is the best thing about not being able to smell. I asked her if that was a temporary thing. She said, "Oh no, I can neither smell or taste anymore and my dr. says it's normal at my age" Alarms were sounding in my head - No, it's not normal, something is wrong.
The first thing I thought of was Alzheimer's but did not mention it to her.
But doesn't everyone know that is a sign of Alzheimer's?
She was not always easy going but again not all people are. But I found over time she got cranky and irritated more easily. Some days I would just say, Lorri why are you acting like this? She had no stresses in her life according to her or her daughter or from what I saw. I envied that. She had money, she was retired and had no stress of money (lucky her) she had all these female friends and she was a part of a group that traveled and she went to the philharmonic and she was always busy. Museums, lectures, continuing education. Her life was so full.
She was not always easy going but again not all people are. But I found over time she got cranky and irritated more easily. Some days I would just say, Lorri why are you acting like this? She had no stresses in her life according to her or her daughter or from what I saw. I envied that. She had money, she was retired and had no stress of money (lucky her) she had all these female friends and she was a part of a group that traveled and she went to the philharmonic and she was always busy. Museums, lectures, continuing education. Her life was so full.
One day at her book club she said something so off the wall we all just looked at one another. One woman who I seriously disliked made fun of her. Lorri turned to her and slayed her up one side and down the other.
We all sat in horror. This was not Lorri. Trust me the woman deserved it but this was so out of character to who Lorri was.
She would never speak to someone like this. It was not only uncomfortable but worrisome to me. Everyone began to leave after that. Because this was at Lorri's house and less than 2 blocks away from mine I stayed to help her clean up. I asked her about what that horrible woman said and she acted like she didn't even recall. It was so damn odd. I went home and told Rick I do believe Lorri has either dementia or Alzheimers.
Then she got a boyfriend. He was a real big fat gross pig. She was upset because he was going to vote for trump and she said to me, "I think I need to dump him but I like having sex" I laughed. I was so grossed out by the creep that sex with him would make me stop having sex! She complained over time how he never wanted to go anywhere always wanted to sit in his recliner and just watch TV. Once she asked if she looked bad in what she was wearing. No, in fact the scarf is adorable and you look hip and fresh and cute. She smiled and said, "He thinks I look foolish so I don't dress nice around him" BIG SIGN TO ME!
One day on a walk with Izzy towards her home I saw and heard the creepy boyfriend yelling at her like she was not human. I could hear him down the block. She was having difficulty getting into her little car. When I got up to them with the dog she got all excited about seeing Izzy and got up and came over to her. He grabbed her arm and whipped her around. I told Izzy to sit. I walked over to him and grabbed his arm and told him to let her go - don't make me hurt you old man is what I actually said. He let her go. (don't ask me what 5'1" of me could do to an over 300lbs big tall man.)
She looked at me and began to cry and she said he does this to me all the time. WHAT?
But interestingly he did not balk at her statement. Then I knew it wasn't a lie, he was treating her poorly.
Lorri not being in her right mind was taking this and if he is doing this in broad daylight in public what is he doing being closed doors? They left and I called her daughter and stuck my nose where it didn't belong but I was not going to let my friend be abused. Thankfully her daughter was having some doubts and thanked me ever so much for calling. Whew. That could have gone the other way just as easily.
Shortly thereafter is when they sold her house and she was moved. This event made her daughter expedite the move. I recall Lorri being upset but then we went to look at her apartment and she became excited. She asked me to come to visit and help her decorate. That helped that she was forgetting why she was moving. After this incident with the creepy boyfriend, her daughter asked her to stay for a few weeks at her house to help with her girls. (a lie, but it helped to get lorri away from him) During those 2 weeks, her daughter hired someone to help her to catalog her mother's things and an estate sale took place. They moved fast. The boyfriend kept calling lorri and when she took a nap the daughter blocked his number from her phone.
The daughter made it very clear to the people at the assisted living that they were not to allow this creep to visit her. And I heard he tried but then gave up. He was an A number 1 creep. If you looked the word creep up his greasy face would appear.
It was very sad for me to learn that she passed. I also felt terrible that it's been over 6 months before I found this out. Apparently, her daughter put this all on Facebook which I no longer use or I would have seen it.
She was also a bit smitten with Rick. I always saw it. But when her Alzheimers got worse she verbalized it. It was cute how she flirted with him and was always hugging him. He teased her a lot and she loved it even more. Rick knew but just played along. In the end just as she moved into her new apartment she told me that if I died she was marrying Rick. I told her I was okay with that. She said, "oh good." She was so serious it was cute. I also knew it was the disease talking so it wasn't something to get upset over at all.
So many of my peers are passing away.
Eddie Van Halen has suffered from tongue and lung cancer for years.
He was only 65. Yesterday I found out she passed and that Eddie had passed. Boy if there is a heaven she and Eddie are rockin' out. She loved Van Halen. We would drink wine, listen to classic rock, and make jewelry at her house. I should say she tried to teach me to make jewelry. I was only good at the wine-drinking part. We would laugh and just have a great day.
She loved the song Jump and she and I would argue why it wasn't or was their best. Hmm, that just made me smile as I typed it.
I hope she and Eddie are listening to some good rock 'n roll.
14 comments:
So good of you to take the chance and speak up for your friend. Brownie points in heaven for you!
A bittersweet post. That there are creeps out there ready to take advantage makes me angry. Good for you to intervene.
"Don't make me have to hurt you" is what I used to say to high school students who were acting up -- boys who could have squashed me like a big but instead they would bust out laughing. Things were so much simpler in those days. I would never get away with that now so good thing i am retired.
Grace, everyone would do the same. but brownie points never hurt
Olga - yeah he didn't laugh and I admit I was scared after I said it. But the fact that he backed down showed me he knew he was in the wrong. And the fact that he said nothing when she said he does this all the time lead me to believe her and it wasn't her diminished mental state that was only talking. If she said that about me I would be protesting. He gave me the creeps big time. He was large, sloppy and greasy. She was an attractive woman who was a widow and her husband was attractive. I think her dementia may have picked him :-)
This story brought tears a couple of times. Thank God you were there that day and could in essence put a stop to that creep and with the help of her daughter get here away from him. I can only hope something horrid has happen to him.
I am so sorry you lost your friend but you were there for her when it counted.
Being taken advantage of when you're going through the early stages of dementia or Alzheimer's is very common and there is no doubt in my mind that's what the 'boyfriend' was doing. I'm always glad to hear when caring neighbors like you step in to help get the family involved.
Ami, I think I like your name for him
I read where Eddie Van Halen used to stick his guitar pick in his mouth when he was fingering the strings. He used metal guitar picks made from copper and brass. His tongue got cancer where the guitar picks touched.
Mike, yes I've heard him say this. Doubtful to me! He had tongue, throat and lung cancer. Those cigarettes he puts between the strings as he plays i think have more to do with hus cancer than a pick in my mind.whatever the reason a sad loss
Sorry to here about your friend. This is what I've been dealing with for over a two years. My friend Allan who worked over his life over the world finally retired but to late. This Dementia with Parkinson's had finally taken over his body and my friend Al is realistically not here any more. The last time I saw him it was for his birthday. Some birthday. I can still remember when Al & I would go golfing and play pool twice a week. He can no longer recognize me and that is very painful. So Peg I know how you must feel. Al is still here but it seems anytime he may go and I'm going to be very upset and lost without him.
I'm so very sorry that Lori has past away.
Cruisin Paul
Thank you Paul. You know my Dad had the same thing. He knew none of his children. He left us long before he passed away. You always have your memories and fun times with AL.but this truly is a shitty thing about getting okder!!
Good for you for watching out for her! (and giving your blessing to her and Rick ;)). Dementia is a strange and sad thing. I'd like to think that she and Eddie are rockin' it out now too!
Boy, I hunkered in and started reading yet another tidbit of your life, and I'm so sad about your friend. I had no idea about the loss of taste and smell being associated with Alzheimer's disease. My son's girlfriend(they all live in a different state) experienced that for about a month when she contracted Covid-19. Just like it came, it went away with no incident. While reading about the physical and verbal abuse your friend went through, I found myself crying because I can just imagine the helplessness and frustration she must have been feeling, then add to that her illness, and it must have been a true nightmare. I'd like to think she's dancing to some Van Halen music too, along with a bottle of wine. Hugs and more air hugs, RO
Ro, backatcha!!!
Awww that's just so sad. One of my book club neighbors has been "losing it" for awhile and she also has lost her sense of smell. I didn't know that was a sign of that. Very interesting.
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