Your Health

Each day this week I have thought it was a day forward.
I swore today was Thursday. I was so disappointed that it was Wednesday. This is my karma for thinking I could handle lockdown with no issues. Apparently, after 4 months that is my limit. A bit antsy and confused. 

I told you I have been having an issue with my health.
Yea for only 35 or 40 years.
I have chronic inflammation. I have had this for years. Looking back it started in my late 20s. It got horrendous in my 30s and 40s.
While it causes me a lot of issues, the one that bothers me is the vain one. Weight.
I hate that I can't control it. I like to control everything. Type A and a control freak. Not pretty but it's me. 
I hate that I can eat nothing for a week, literally only drink water and bouillon and gain a pound or two. It is the worst side effect for any woman if you ask me.  I starve myself and get to a weight I can live with and boom - it goes up without me doing a damn thing! If I were fat because I ate too much, so be it. But to get fatter and you are doing everything right, well it's darn right mean and it messes with my head big time. It angers me, saddens me, and for a control freak this is so out of my control so it gives me anxiety to boot. Fun times right?

Right now my doctor was so alarmed by my numbers she sent me to a specialist in this field. He insists that my C4a numbers were so high I must be living with mold and have been for some time. (I was tested for lupus and Lyme etc. all that effect C4a as well.)

Now I doubted this but I am following the protocol to a T until this morning. I needed a mental and physical break of the detox symptoms.
I figured one day wouldn't hurt because I am tired of being so sick every day.

He has me take 5 different pills, some of them I only take 1 some 3 pills and all of them 2 times a day.
One powder that I must mix in juice or water. I do water, either way, it sucks and it gags me but I do it faithfully every morning.  Of course when I told Rick that it makes me gag but I power through he was a pig and told me I could power through and do that for other things too. Honestly, that man is a pig and nuts. I don't help the matter because I laugh at him. I must learn to not laugh.  It only encourages him. 

Anyhoo...I also have drops that go into any beverage. Every morning, every evening. Must be taken with food. I don't always do that I admit. I can't eat 3 meals a day or I will gain even more weight so I have to do this in a way that I am helping myself and not making myself gain more weight. It's a fine line here.

Once I saw the specialist I was given an eye exam. This exam apparently tells you whether you have this or not. I flunked. He is convinced I am living in mold.  Now that would make sense to me if I didn't have this issue for over 40 years. I moved into this house brand new. I had that water damage a few months ago with my washer but within 45 minutes they were here to cut out all drywall that COULD turn to mold and my floors were removed. Besides this would be new and I have had this issue since forever.

Since I have had this issue for so many years why does he think I am living in mold now only? He poo-poos everything I say.  I am dismissed and it begins by angering me but now I am enraged that he isn't listening or giving me answers.

I had to do a test (over $500 no less) I was sent 3 'Swiffer' type pads. I also got rubber gloves to wear to gather this dust. I had to get each one dirty with dust. I had to go in one direction. I did the top of the fridge, ceiling fan blades, air vents, tabletops, tv tops, etc. 
2 of them were fine and the reports if I am reading them correctly show nothing.
The 3rd one was not enough dust and I am doing that one over again.

I asked the specialist if there was a plan B. He got angry. He said it is mold and can only be mold. Hmm....NIH lists this online as a multitude of things. Most of which I have tested normal but still he is not even open to anything else.

I started on all these pills and the first week was so bad, I could have crawled into bed for the first 3 days but I couldn't so I pressed on. I was so nauseous, flu-like symptoms, I ached all over, headaches that were so bad, severe stomach pains, and honestly a plethora of symptoms even worse. I've been doing this for 30 days and nothing has changed. I have to do this another month. 

Here are some of the symptoms of having this.

• Cognitive difficulties such as brain fog and trouble concentrating
• Fatigue and weakness or chronic fatigue syndrome
• Unexplained weight gain
• Frequent urination, excessive thirst, dehydration
• Fibromyalgia
• Visual insensitivity
• Post nasal drip and sore throat
• Numbness and tingling
• Digestive issues
• Mood swings
• Tinnitus
• Static shocks
• Vertigo
• Metallic taste in mouth

I have most of these and more and have for years. 

I deal with it. But the weight gain is killing me. 

Sure the swelling of my body isn't fun, it's painful, my joints etc. But it's how it makes me look that bothers me. I am that shallow.

I don't feel comfortable and I don't want to eat for fear how much worse this is going to get. I am at my wit's end.

I am excited and not so excited to be meeting a blog buddy in October. 

She no longer blogs but we have kept in touch over the years and she and her family are coming my way in October. 

I hate that I won't be feeling like myself or for that matter look like myself. I make jokes like it's pandemic weight or whatever but it's not and I am glad I can hide right now. I am not comfortable being in a size 12/14 jeans. That is not who I am. I know it could be worse. That is not lost on me but seriously if you gained weight every day and you were eating no gluten, no grains, only protein and a shit ton of veggies and salads with lemon juice and a light EVOO you'd be upset too no matter what you think. I am not even drinking wine. I do have some straight gin on Friday's, but not every Friday. But only a glass. I may just start again if this doesn't do it's job. I'm so frustrated. I am trying hard to let it go but I don't know that I will ever be that enlightened. I know it shouldn't matter. I know, but it does.

Right now I want to whine because it friggin' sucks.

What's funny is if you told me you were heavy I wouldn't care. I don't care about that on others. Everyone can be whatever they wish if they are comfortable. But for me it bugs me. I am only 5'1"  5 lbs on me looks like 15 etc. I'd look great at this weight if I were 5'8", hell even 5'4" 

My wonderful doctor who sent me to this specialist asked if I got any reports back. I sent them this morning via her web portal. I then asked if I could get 10 minutes of her time, no matter the cost, to discuss the results of this test. I want to understand them. I even told her that Dr. H. dismisses me. So I hope in the next week to have an appointment on the phone with her to discuss the report. I am a control freak who wants a plan B should this not pan out. I like to ask a lot of questions which I find annoys some doctors. I want to have the knowledge to help myself and to understand it all. I mean, it is my body right? I shouldn't have to beg to be spoken to about all this shit.

When I told Dr H I did not believe it was mold and what is plan B if you find it's not. He said there is no plan b because with my C4a numbers it is mold. I don't like that he doesn't think outside the box. What if this doesn't fit in this box then what?  I am not happy with him or his manner or his treatment. I suppose if I get well for the first time in 40 years with this then I will hail him, but right now I think he is an A1 Jerk.  I hope to eat my words sooner than later. Words don't have calories so I would prefer to eat them and get well and this weight comes off me.  

Yeah, 2020 is not a great year, is it?

I found a couple of memes this week that I thought I'd share.