A bit under the weather.
This hit me hard last night.
I am the one always caring for Rick.
Rick has so many health issues. I have to be well.
But last night I got hit with something.
My head is pounding, I ache all over and I just feel like I have the flu or something. Weird. But I must work, walk a dog and deal with life right?
No time to be a sissy and lay down. But boy I wish I could.
Fathers Day is coming up and I did not send a card to my father.
I will call him. He won't remember either and that is sad for us both.
I was watching a show last evening while lying on the sofa wrapped up in blankets because I couldn't get warm. (yes only 90 degrees outside)
As I lay there watching this man pass away while his wife was out it made me think of a few things. This man on the show had Alzehimers.
I said out loud to Rick, "oh my God I hope that doesn't happen when I am staying with my father. What would I do?"
Rick said you would call 911. 911? Really? What are they going to do?
Wouldn't I call the funeral home? I don't even know what one does in this situation? 911 to me would bring him to the city morgue. I don't think that is what my mom would want me to do. Or do they do that so a medical professional can legally declare him gone? I just don't know.
So now I must add this to my list of things to ask Mom about.
How did I get to 62 and not know the answer to this?
God, I feel so stupid.
Must google this today.
While I think my father would not wish to live like this if he had his mind back, I certainly don't want this to happen on my watch. Although it may be easier for my mom. All around the whole thing sucks. I watched my mom die and I really would prefer not to witness this until my 2nd mom comes back.
All I ever heard growing up, especially after he returned from a funeral, was that at his he wanted everyone to come to the viewing, take a shot of his favorite bourbon and send him off. I mean to tell you he told us this since I was a very young kid. It wasn't like it was just said in passing once or twice. He said it yearly many times. When I mentioned to my mom she said, "Oh I am not going to do that." I said, "But he talked about it all the time. Why wouldn't we do as he wished? Most won't take a shot anyway. I think he'd smile at that."
But she didn't think so.
Rick knows what I want. Rick would do what I want. But what happens if Rick is not here who listens to my wishes? Hmm....better work on that one. I know my friend Melanie knows as well so hopefully, she will take charge if alive.
I need to get all this in writing, don't I?
But I am not dying anytime soon. I insist. 😉
18 comments:
Yes, I would call 911. In many ways, they are the starting line of the "death machine". I apologize if that seems uncouth or lacking in sensitivity ~ I just can't think of a better term.
Although my Mom doesn't have Alzheimer's, she does have dementia that is associated with Parkinson's. Along with that is a deep depression. She doesn't work hard to improve her physical fitness because I think it's all she can do to battle the depression. The worst part is that I live so far away, I feel somewhat helpless to help her. All I can do is the little things, like sending postcards/letters/cards and call.
But I do think that even if we insist we should make plans. Write it down. I keep meaning to do it, and I haven't quite got there yet.
These are easy things to procrastinate about. I know I do.
Sorry about your dad. My dad passed away at 92, and I was most thankful that his mind stayed sharp until the end. Mom sort of slowly wilted away, and that was difficult to witness, but she always knew who I was and remembered a lot.
I hope you feel better soon! Kinda sounds like the flu? In June?
It's - Oh that it not uncouth. I understand completely! yes that is Dad, 90 with dementia and the associated Parkinsons. He doesn't remember me often but it's nice that when he doesn't he always tells me I am a nice lady and can come back to visit him anytime.
Abby - I know - flu in June? I made myself shower and eat something and I admit I feel a bit better. But I really would like to just crawl into bed and sleep until tomorrow if I could. Thx. Hey it beats opening doors all day right?
I'd call 911 too. If a doctor or ER person wasn't there when a person dies, then someone from the medical examinor's office would probably come out before the body could be moved, but state laws vary, even county rules vary. But no matter who you called first they would tell you if you have to redirect the call.
I think it's awful that your mother would not honor your dad's wish of people taking a drink at his funeral. It's an Irish custom and not uncommon for others. If I was you I'd talk her into having the funeral director announce after the service that everyone is invited to such and such place to have a drink on your dad. It could be at the luncheon if you hold the luncheon some place other than a church. Maybe she's accept that compromise.
One of the neighbors mother died at home. She was on hospice. The hospice nurse made the pronouncement. The funeral home then came to the house and picked up the body.
When my mother died she was already in hospice at home care so we just had to call them and they took care of it. But now that you bring it up I don't know who you call. Without prior instructions, I guess I would call 911 but if someone has a long time ailment, mortuary would make sense too. I need to look into this myself now that you bring it up.
I think your Dad has the right idea. One big Hi and Bye and a toast sounds like a perfect send off. Unfortunately, funerals are usally for the living so step-mom will probably get her way.
I know here (hubs cop) that you call 911 and they send out corner and then the funeral home people come.
WE were told to the Nursing home to come quickly, my mother was dying. I was happy that I was able to be with her when she passed but I couldn't cry. The Nursing home took care of everything and later my wife & I went to the funeral home to arrange the funeral. My lovely mother had taken care of everything, just the minor things but it was still tough. I've already informed my wife how I want things followed. I plan on sitting with the funeral director to set up exactly what I want. It will be easier for me because my daughter works at the funeral home or so I think it will. Oh well lets stop about death because we are living, living, living. OK See ya Peggy.
Cruisin Paul
You must live and recover. I don't have wishes for when I pass away, after all I'll be dead and somehow I think I won't bother ;)
I found my FIL dead at his home and my MIL was out of town. I was with one of his neighbors and we did call 911 after I called my husband at work, who rushed over. Then I called other family members and at some point someone called the Neptune Society, as he had prepaid for cremation ahead of time. They came as well and took care of everything.
So I plan on prepaying too, but haven't decided with whom, as I know funeral homes can go out of business and then you're screwed.
Being widow without children opens a lot of things and planning to think about. I do have step children and even though most I have will go to them, I'm not in that much contact and I don't feel they'd be capable of handling much. It's a quandary I think of often. My nice home and yes, all my stuff, will go to some thrift store someday. But at least someone else might like some of the things. Doesn't have to be family.
That's an interesting question now that you mention it. If there is no hospice care in place I would guess call 911 except their mission is to resuscitate so that makes me think there may be some other process. I suppose they could come and confirm the obvious. Maybe call the funeral home or the coroner? Why don't we know this stuff? But I hope to never have to learn it through direct experience.
I had those same symptoms last summer -- chills on one of the hottest days, fever, aches, unbelievable fatigue. It turned out to be Lyme disease. Don't know if you are in an infested area like Vermont is, but it is something to watch out for.
I must say I hate that blogger won't send me an email to tell me i have comments.
Aargh!
Olga - Rick has had Lyme disease and we thought he had it again but thankfully no.
Jean, I know there will be a luncheon outside of a church, so that is a good compromise. Or all 5 of we girls will work on my mother. Because we have heard it out whole life and we 5 think it is the thing to do. :-)
I'm glad I got you all thinking. Let's hope we don't have to worry about this for a very long time.
Peggy - Blogger has stopped sending me comment notifications too. I haven't figured out why yet. The comment notifications are the only way I catch comments on older posts.
Mike, went to the blogger support site and they say they are aware and working on it - but who knows!
A call to 911 would probably do as long as you tell them the circumstances. They would probably just send out the coroner.
I am so sorry you're feeling so yucky. I hope it passes soon.
Toni, let's hope I don't have to worry about it. I'm going with that for now :-)
For my father in law we called 911. They came in saw the done, said he was dead. Sheriff had to stay until the coroner arrived from the funeral home about 5 agonizing horrible sister in law hours later.
That was DNR not done
Post a Comment