Do you speak my language?

I have been in customer service hell and not one person understands me.
I think I am speaking clearly, concise, enunciating and yet no one understands.

1. Refridgerator died.
2. Warranty company
3. AVG on my computer had an update and screwed up everything

On Friday night our 2.5 yr old fridge died. I LOVE this fridge.
So I call my home warranty company and they give me the name of 3 companies I can call. 
One being Sears Repair. They can fit me in, in October. Not acceptable. The 2nd number they gave me was a company that doesn't exist.
The 3rd number was a company that doesn't fix my brand of appliance.

So I call them back. They give me the same names and I repeat, those won't work, do you have any others you can give me? They gave me a number in Maryland. I live in Virginia.
Knowing that a company in MD will probably not come to VA I say to the home warranty service rep that this company is in Maryland and does she have anything closer. She said isn't Maryland the same thing? 
No, they are not in this country so not only don't they fully comprehend English but they certainly don't know the geography. I said that they indeed are not the same. I take the number anyway and figure at least they will understand me when I call them, I mean they are here. 
They do not speak English and they do not come to VA. Holy hell!

So to get this fixed I am going out, meaning not using my home warranty company, to deal with this. 
I call a company and say that I have an LG 4 door fridge, model xxxxx do you work on these?
Absolutely. He gets here on time on Saturday morning - was here about 5 minutes.

They tell me it is $55 and they can't fix it. I have to call an LG rep to fix. So why did they tell me they work on this then? For $55 I suppose. I ask and he said because this is under warranty we have to defer to an LG rep. I don't get it but okay, I can go call LG. 

I call LG back. I repeat all we've done and they repeat everything they told me the first time. OMG. I have 1 yr labor and parts/7yr for sealed systems/ 10 yr for the compressor. 
First thing she says is "No more warranty."
I resist the urge to say, You mean, you are out of warranty" 
Instead, I say no, I have a warranty. It was diagnosed to be a new compressor that I needed and there is a 10 yr warranty on a compressor & this was purchased late Dec 2014.

They are not in North America so while they claim to speak English, they do not really comprehend the language. For 20 minutes we went in a circle. I was trying desperately to be patient. I felt like my head would explode.
Finally, I say, since we can't come to a resolution on this I think I will call another time. Knowing full well I will have to go through this again but I was biting my tongue and it was now bleeding. I needed to walk away. Drown myself in a vat of gin or really anything other than yell at this poor woman doing her job but not in my language.

I called back on Sunday and they told me that I could call and schedule an appointment myself. I call the 3 that are in my area that they give me. The 1st one says he can't get to me for several weeks. I understand this but it's a fridge and I don't wish to wait. The 2nd is closed for two weeks. (nice) And the 3rd barely speaks English. We made an appointment for today. I at least hoped we did. The door bell rings - Hey  I was correct - he showed up today. He just couldn't have been ruder. 

I show him the repair paperwork and what was determined was wrong. But he wouldn't even look at it or pay attention to me. I was speaking and he acts like I'm not speaking and just walking around the kitchen doing his thing. He just keeps moving things around my fridge like he was doing an exorcism. I am speaking and he won't acknowledge a comment or a question.
Finally, I walked over to him and touched him so that he will pay attention to me damn it.  He says I can't bother him like he is the high priest doing this exorcism.
Thankfully Rick came home right then. I walked to my office before I said or did something I would regret. Rick and I did our "communication thing" with our eyes. He knew I had to walk away and he had to take over. We have a good short hand like that. Besides Rick understands a Korean accent better than me. It wasn't really an accent it was very poor English. I applaud him trying to communicate with me because I know I couldn't do this in his country but it is so damn frustrating.

He told Rick when he was done with his exorcism assessment he would talk to us but not before. You would have thought he was working on some precious historic relic and not a refrigerator. 
At the completion, he babbled something, not one word except compressor did I understand. He was moving his hands quickly and talking a mile a minute but I understood nothing. Rick looked at me as though he wasn't completely comprehending this either. Now I'm scared. Rick began to repeat what he thought he was saying to us. 
Rick said, "If I understand you correctly you think that the compressor has 2 parts and one part is not working and you ...NO NO NO HE SCREAMS. He says something again. We try with all our might to understand and I want to cry. I don't want to make him feel badly but I don't understand anything he is saying. He says something that triggers Rick and Rick repeats it and then the man is very excited. They understand each other.
He says the part must be ordered. Great. Another week or two of no fridge. Rick asks if we can pay to have the part overnighted. 
He says, "ooh it expensive." Rick asked how much. He says, $25. 
Hell, we're paying him a helluva lot of money so what the hell is $25 added to that we figured. That ensures we have a fridge by Friday - or so we hope. We must pay him for labor but the rest is under warranty.

He also shared with us that you can't have your fridge closed in as ours is. (Now in the photo above on the right it looks close to the wall because they moved it that way. Normally there are 2-3 inches on either side of it.)
Apparently, it has to be further from the wall and perhaps we can remove the cabinets on the left he suggests. Really? Well, we aren't knocking down walls but we can move it out from the wall a bit more. He said at least my husband's fist size from the wall. I assumed it was that far but perhaps not. But really should this fridge that was a lot of money do this in 2 years? That means everyone I know that has a fridge encased will have this happen in 2 1/2 years. My neighbors who have the same lay out don't have this issues. Is this endemic to this brand/style of fridge. I don't dare ask because honestly who knows what the hell he will tell me. I won't understand it.

So if that wasn't enough to give me grief on a Monday morning AVG, my antivirius on my computer did an update. After every update they kick off my schedule. I have it scheduled to scan my computer every day at noon while I am away from my desk. This time I couldn't even find where the hell on this new screen to check my schedule. I hit everything. Finally I called them. I think they are in Croatia or something. They tell me it is on the first page - I tell them it used to be but I just had an update and it is now gone. What should have taken 10 minutes was just over 45 minutes. Because neither of us spoke the language of the other so there is a lot of repeating on both ends and a lot of trial and error. Finally he puts me on hold. I was on hold for so long I forgot and then it was giving me a busy signal like we'd been disconnected. Oh my goodness I am drinking this evening. I may begin taking serious drugs at this point.

I decide the hell with everything I will deal with it tomorrow and I answer the phone assuming it was a customer. It was the man who disconnected me from AVG. He apologized but he did find out where it is located now. He walks me through all the steps and then tells me this should never happen on an update. I made the mistake of telling him that it does it each and every time there is an update. He recommends taking over my computer to accesss. I say no thank you because I have had a helluva morning and no work is getting done. I thanked him for his help and patience but we may have to do this another time when I have more time. Like never.