My cousin's husband just died. I did not like this man.
I know, I hear what you are all saying, it's not nice to speak ill of the death.
Does it count that I would speak ill of him while alive?
For the sake of this story and to not use his name we will call him my cousin.
He was a creepy kind of guy. The minute you saw him he was leary and creepy. When I was young he always made remarks about my boobs.
Normally I would cry when men did this to me. He just made me livid. I always called him out on this. My father had to once as well.
Creepy is the only way to describe how he made me feel.
He lied, he cheated, he stole. He thought he was charming and got away with it. He wasn't the least bit charming nor did he fool anyone.
Because he was married to my father's sisters daughter he tried to help him a couple of times. Once when he needed a job.
My dad gave him a job at his company. I was probably in my late teens. My cousin was 8 or 9 years older than me. I remember my father coming home and talking to my mom about him being "so damn lazy." When they realized I was in the room the conversation stopped.
Then one evening when Dad got home he was livid. He and mom were in the kitchen talking and I could hear everything in the living room where I sat.
Our house wasn't that large. He stole and my dad didn't take that well. A lot of bad things happened and he was let go. It made a strain in the family. They thought my father was an ass. My father never told them the truth. He let everyone think he was the bad guy, why I don't know.
This was a man who never really held down a job for long.
For awhile he became a preacher of some sort. Who knows what kind.
He never owned a home and moved plenty from one small apartment to another.
I always wondered if he was running from something because he had 4 children and to move from Pennsylvania to Illinois to Florida couldn't be easy with uprooting children.
I know my mom went to Illinois for a wedding or some event with Aunts and they visited he and his family. I recall hearing their apartment was so teeny tiny. If he was everything they said in the obituary I don't think they would squeeze 6 people into such a small place. But who knows the truth really.
I saw him a couple years ago at the cousin's reunion. He said something that did not sit well with me but I bit my tongue and walked away. I refused to stoop to his level and cause a scene I am better than that.
That was Rick's first time meeting him. He came into the house from the patio and said to me, "boy he's an ass" I just laughed, Rick didn't know the half of it!
He had a stroke a few weeks ago and slide into a coma and passed away.
I was text his obituary today from a family member.
I read it and laughed. I know what you're thinking, how awful of me.
Not because he had passed, I laughed because it was a very long piece of fiction.
It all but said that he walked on water, turned water into wine and died on the cross for our sins.
I showed it to Rick. He laughed so hard he began to cough.
It started with his birth, high school, colleges of which he never attended, jobs of which he never had, degrees that never happened, his Christianity, (yep good ones steal and lie) his volunteer work and all things sainthood.
Do family members feel the need to make him better than he was? They know that isn't true. Do they feel they must make the dead seem better than they were in life?
I am not a fan of obituaries but I do understand why people feel the need to do them. I don't understand why people insert their photo of themselves in their orbit at age 35 when they died at 85 either. Never understood that one.
Rick knows I don't want one. Besides, what would it say?
That got Rick and I talking about this and we got to laughing like crazy.
He was saying some crazy shit and making me laugh.
I used to hate being called perky all the time so Rick used that and made me laugh.
Customer Service turned Margaret from perky to bitchy over the years.
She was an extrovert who began to isolate herself from humankind.
People wore her down until she was a shell of her former self, so fuck off.
No, that really wouldn't be nice now would it? Honest, but not nice.
14 comments:
I suppose there is one in every family.
Had to giggle at your would be obit!
You know, I did see an honest obituary last summer. Obviously written by the man's children, it cataloged how he cheated on and left his first wife, abandoned his children in favor of another woman and their children, spent way too much time at bars, and on and on. Not nice, but no doubt honest, at least from the authors' perspective.
I'm actually a fan of obituaries but not so much of having a funeral. But that's the genealogist in me. I hate using 30-50 year old photos for old people. If they're going to do that, then use two---young and old. They should make the writer of the obituaries sign their names at the end so we'd know how much salt to add.
Your cousin sounds like he earned his scorn. Like Olga said, every family has one.
Olga, I don't think writing what they did was nice either. I mean he's dead, let it go. But I get why they did it.
Jean, I agree with the viewing and funeral part too.
I think that is a great idea about both photos as well as the signature of the names at the end. Boy you'd be sure most would be kind then wouldn't you?
My Grandmother told my mom what she did want and what she didn't want and my mom honored that. They wrote it together actually over a cocktail or two 15years before she passed. I walked in and they were laughing their heads off. To some it was morbid but my mom doing that while grieving I think would have been far more difficult. My Grandmother was the best!!
The problem with using pictures of old people is they all look like clones.
Were they hoping that St. Peter reads obits and were trying to impress him enough to let the old lying, cheating thief into heaven?
I am not much for obits either, but my father loved them. He read them every day. Said he was checking to make sure he wasn't in one. He lived in the same place his entire life and didn't die until he was 96, so he knew a lot of people in the obits. I wrote an obit for him when he died. He would have loved it. LOL
Brian - perhaps that was why indeed!
Bellarum - My parents read them every day too. That's a hoot. I guess I better get ready because I am sure my sisters will have to do this ourselves.
Guess they couldn't find anything good to say about him so they made it up haha.
Someone told me once they use old pictures so that people who knew them back then would recognize them.
That's a fun obituary, I agree with you, I wouldn't want one either, but I also bet that at that point I won't mind. ;)
I want to read the obit!! I'm opposite - I like reading them and would wish they say how they died - especially when the die young.
We had to bury another one of our Sunday School class Friday - cancer really sucks - 39 years old with hubs and 12 & 9 year old sons. Very sad.
April, I don't think it would be right to put it here. It's bad enough I wrote this. I just had another cousin's child (31) die. They don't know how yet. He didn't show up to his girlfriend's house for a date and she went over to his house after calling him and he not answering. She found him dead. So sad. Reading that towns newspaper I found out that my favorite teacher in high school just passed from a long cancer illness. He was so much fun. Only 74 and to me that is pretty young to pass away.
Oh I know - but like your cousin's - what the heck happened.
My best friend - died on July 15 a few years ago on his birthday - I called and called and finally his work checked on him that Friday and he had been dead since that Wednesday (birthdate). I still haven't gotten over it! The only thing that has helped is that he did call me the night before and I got to talk to him for awhile.
April, my cousin had a stroke. the newest cousin was found dead saturday, they don't know why, autopsy being done to find reason.
I'm so very sorry about your friend!
Thanks and to you also.
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