A Liar and A Thief

We heard a phrase this weekend that reminded us of a crazy woman we knew when we had a lake house.

The first year of owning our lake house we decided to try renting it a few weeks a year for some additional income. We thought we'd use this income to remodel and update the house. We learned early on that renting was not for us.
But before that realization, we rented it for a week at a time.

We had to hire a cleaning woman or company.
Now, remember this is south of here in hillbilly land.
It's not like Merry Maids is there.
There were no cleaning companies as we know in a city.
Our realtor told us of a woman who was trying to find a job maybe she'd want to do this. We met her and while I wasn't thrilled with her bible thumping answers we were desperate and hired her. I should know better, go with my gut, or I will regret it. Oh boy did regret it.

After a rental group left our home we were going to go down there for the weekend. We arrived and she was still there cleaning. I felt weird watching someone clean my home and Rick kept saying, let it go, let's just go down to the dock. Still felt weird whether I was in my home and she was cleaning or I'm in the back yard with my toes in the water and she's in my house cleaning.
He just did not understand that.

When we went inside she was almost done and gathering up her things to put in her car. Then she came over to the kitchen table and asked if we could talk.
I immediately thought she wanted to quit. I was rather happy thinking that was what was coming. That would have been far easier.
She kept telling me she wanted to put bibles in all the bedrooms. I told her no.
She said we needed Christian bibles. I said, No. I asked, what about our Jewish friends or Buddhist? She went off on having bibles and why this is good.
I said, "No. This is not a hotel, this is my home. Let's drop it."

Rick walked in and sat down and she began with him while I was at the refrigerator. Rick laughed and as only he can do and get away with.
He says, "No way. This is a private home and we are not putting bibles in every room. Besides if they are that religious they will bring their own.
That comment did not stop her. She went on and loudly proclaims to Rick, "God has spoken to me Rick and he said I should put bibles in all the bedrooms"
Rick leaned forward and grabbed her forearm and says so softly and convincingly "Oh my goodness he spoke to me too!! He told me not to do such a thing at my home. Maybe he was trying to tell you to put them in all of your bedrooms. Have you thought of that?"
She backed right off.  She never mentioned it again.
She would always listen to Rick "the man"

Then one weekend after a family was renting our home she did what we asked of her. She called us to report the losses, the damage etc. She called and said the home was in fairly good shape except there was a stain on the sofa. I asked if it came out.  She said it did, but it was a stain. I said I heard you. She repeated, "Peg it was a stain. I think they had a real good time on the sofa."  Then it hit me what she was talking about. She thinks this is semen and that is what she is trying to say. But why not just say it? So I ask, "Do you mean you cleaned up semen?"
She gasped and said, "Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior".
I laughed. I told her it was fine, thank you for cleaning it up." Was there still a stain? She said No, I got it out with the fabric cleaner you had under the sink.
I again thanked her for all the extra work.
(it wasn't extra but apparently, she was traumatized that someone had sex on my sofa) I am not certain that is what this stain ever was but I let it go. It's gone.
(In all honesty I wasn't thrilled about it either. I just hated renting my home so much.)

At the end of the year, we began noticing things missing from our home.
Miss Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior gal was stealing from us.
We really didn't think renters would steal light bulbs....26 of them in fact.
When Rick approached her, her face turned beet red, she stammered and hem'd and haw'd. Finally, Rick said, "Just be honest, you're fired either way."

She spilled her guts, she did steal all the light bulbs and the salad bowl and some things from the game room. Rick later said to me he should have asked her if God told her to steal from us. I thought that was funny and he could have gotten away with that. She loved Rick, me, not so much. When she had questions she would say she had to ask "the man of the house," I think she thought it was 1950.
If she was talking to me about something she would say, "Well I will ask Rick."
I would say it wasn't necessary I just answered you. She would repeat that she would need to speak to a man.  (this woman was at the very least 15 years younger than me) Rick asked her to leave after her confessional and after she handed him the keys to our home.  (We changed the locks anyway.)

Once she even told me she never wanted to be a career woman like me. She said it was such disgust it shocked me. I said that's good you should do whatever you wish to do but this career woman pays you so be careful. Yes I was bitchy but by this time I had had enough of her. She always took a tone with me and I always let it go. This day I had had enough.

Miss Holier than Thou who was constantly quoting 'her version of scripture' was not a good person.  If she were poor and needed these things we would have given them to her. But stealing did not sit well with us. And we did give her a wood stove we were removing from the house because she said she always wanted one. We were going to sell it but gave it to her instead.
Her husband left her with 2 kids and we thought if she wanted it and needed it let her have it. We gave her the microwave she loved because we were putting one over the stove. We gave her so many gifts and then also things from the remodel that she said she wanted and we tried to help her out in so many situations and this is how she repays us. Christian my ass. 

Here is what I have learned. Those who must tout they are Christian loudly to everyone are the least likely to be 'Christian like' in my eyes. Those that must tout anything are generally not what they tout. I never do this or do that. The likelihood that they do this or that are extremely high if they are touting it.  Like a person who says, "Oh I never lie." They are lying to you right now. They are telling you what they are - pay attention. And remember the biggest tell when lying, the higher the voice goes the bigger the lie.
Trust me on this one. It will never fail you.

But from the day of the semen supposedly on the sofa Rick and I have used that phrase jokingly. I told a friend of mine this story and she too will leave me a message and it just says, "thinking of you today, you know J.C is my lord and savior. LOL"
She and I both find religion off-putting so we find it funny.