Part 2

When I first met Rick he was doing something goofy and I called him a big ole goober. He laughed and told me, "Hey I'm not a goober, I'm a hillbilly."  After spending some time in his hometown I get it now. 
This is most certainly Hillbilly country.

Rick's cousin Jim is married to a woman named Terri
Terri has appeared miserable since I met her. She always smiles and all that happy horse shit but it always seemed so forced and fake to me.
Everyone else would say, "oh she is so sweet and look how happy she is"
I felt they were delusional. I would share this with Rick and he began to notice the same cracks in the armor. But overall she tried hard to put on a facade of happiness and sunshine. 

I never understood this marriage either but I'm not in it so who knows what goes on with others. I just assumed because they were from this hillbilly area and everyone got married right out of high school this was the life she wanted. 

Jim was always quiet. He didn't talk much. When he did he was so sweet and funny. I found him to be a big ole teddy bear. Bubbling underneath it all was some deep-rooted anger from his childhood issues. I used to think when they blow it will be ugly and I wouldn't want to witness it. As I mentioned in a previous post the last few times we'd see him he was drinking and we were concerned but we didn't see him all that often to do much about it.
He drank a great deal, to me too much. But I'd always tell myself if I had to live in this shit hole of a town I'd drink too. 

After Terri moved out she was always vague about everything. Then she began telling us that Jim was an alcoholic. Okay, we could see that could be what was happening. Then recently she told us that after his accident he was addicted to opioids. Oh boy. She said he looked awful and wanted us to be prepared. He had just had gallbladder surgery a few months ago. She also stated that they have done 2 interventions and that makes him angry. These were all the facts we had. We were prepared for something different than what we found.

Terri was mean to Jim in the way she spoke to him. She was disrespectful and mean. Jim was always nice to her. When we arrived we sat outside and chatted and got caught up. Jim was talkative and his normally sweet self. More talkative than I have ever witnessed. Of course Rick thought it was all normal like he was when growing up. Terri was rolling her eyes a lot and just being a bitch. This was a side to her I had not seen before. I'd say she was tired of pretending and that happens when you fake it. How long can you do that? 

As for dinner we wanted to take them out. They agreed. One of their sons was going to join us along with his new bride as well as being joined by their daughter. The choices in this town are 3. The VFW, The Slovak Club and a Country Pub. To me all in the same. Jim wanted to go to The Slovak Club and got a bit testy with Terri and said, "They are nice to me there I want to go there" Rick said, "Hey guys we don't care where we go so how about the Slovak Club so everyone will go" Jim wasn't going to the other places apparently.  

They are allowed to smoke here and the place was old and smokey.
When you walked in it was a step back in the time. The clothes, the surroundings, just everything. It is such a depressing town as it is and then going here was even more sad to me. Now get this, We wanted to pay for this dinner. Rick went up to the waitress and told her we were paying, they will make a fuss, but just give us the check. She smiled and said that was fine. Then for some reason unbeknownst to either Rick or myself he asked if they took debit or credit cards. They said, "Oh no we don't have that kind of machinery here." (see what I mean about stepping back in time?) But they had an ATM against the wall. So I went over to the ATM. It was dial up. No shit. It made the dial-up sound from back in the day of the beginning of internet. Wild huh? I'm sure glad Rick asked that question. I thought it was odd because everyone will take a debit or credit card I thought, but apparently I am wrong. 

We all had dinner and drinks. Drinks for all 7 of us were the cost of one drink for me here in my neck of the woods. It was less than a $1 a drink. Seriously the first round was $6 and some odd cents. One person was drinking mountain dew the rest had vodka, beer, or wine. So needless to say dinner for 7 was cheap as hell too. 

At dinner we talked a great deal with Jim and heard a great deal that was the opposite of what we have been told. Then his kids were talking so we'd go onto other things. We went back to Jim and Terri's house and Terri wanted to go to the VFW to meet her daughter. We told her to go we were going to sit with Jim for awhile. She asked me to come outside. She said, "Really you don't want to go hear a band and have some drinks?" I told her Rick really wants to spend some time with Jim and besides we are driving up to Altoona tonight so we don't need to be drinking.  She seemed very annoyed by this. But she left. And truth be told, going to another smokey venue to hear bad music didn't sound like fun to us.

That is when Jim really opened up. Terri lives on the 2nd floor of the house.
Jim lives on the 1st floor. Terri doesn't talk to him and never shares anything with him. He has tried to tell her that he is not a drunk, he drinks due to the pain and what is going on. He is having neurological problems. He told me a doctor put him in a centrifuge (sp?) and spun him around and he had to answer questions while being spun and he couldn't. Even when talking, he will say, Peg can you repeat that please for me I am having trouble putting the wires together. He was explaining in great detail what he has been through and no doctor can help.  The last one said "we realize there is an issue we just don't know what to do for you" Backwoods doctors.

So he has taken to vodka. When he had his accident at work and they gave him Vicodin that made him mentally worse so he threw them out. 
He said to Rick, "when they did this intervention I was so angry because I don't drink to be drunk I drink to help with my head and stuff that is going on. I want help. They won't hear me." He cried. I don't want to feel like this he kept saying. "I can stop drinking but I can't stop this pain in my head or the disconnect that is happening. I am not dumb."  He cried. 

This broke my heart. I got up and walked to him and gave him a big fat hug that lasted a long time. I went to the kitchen and got him another bottle of water because his bottle was empty. Apparently, while I was gone he told Rick that was the first human contact he's had in years. His own kids don't visit and they live a block away.  He kept saying they think I'm a drunk no one will hear me. They have given up on me.
This was the first time he saw them he said. Everyone has given up on me and I've just given up too. It would be easier if I just died he said.
He was not drunk, he was rational, he didn't seem medicated in any way. 
He was a broken shell of himself. 
He obviously is not taking care of himself. His hair was long as was his beard. He was dressed like a homeless person. 

Rick called him last night but he didn't pick up. He promised Rick he would when he saw his name. Rick is going to try again tonight and see if he would be willing to go to Pittsburgh for neurological help if Rick takes him. That is the closest city to where he lives in Patton PA.  He would never go by himself.  I hope he takes Rick's help. 

I have seen this time and time again. Those that live in places like this are afraid of the "outside world" Their world becomes so small they don't want to leave it for fear of everything. There are no jobs here, there are no opportunities here, there is no hope here. If you wish to see a doctor you have to drive to Altoona and trust me when I say, that isn't a great deal better.  The options are awful. 
But at least there are doctors there. There are none in this town. There are only bars and gun shops. It's is a very broken down poor coal mining town that has died since the coal mines shut down long, long ago.

So what we were told we were going to find is not so much what we have found.
We realized from his talking to us that he has been dealing with this for years and it is getting progressively worse. Drinking helps so he thinks. We know it does not in the overall health of him.
But at least now I get why he is doing this. I do not believe for a minute this was an act or that he was bluffing because he was a drunk. I didn't see him drunk. So that is what blew me away. Listening to Terri we were prepared for a hot mess and it wasn't there except that she wants nothing to do with him.

She asked me if I wanted to see where she lives when we were outside.
I said okay. we went into a back of the house entrance and up the stairs. Thinking to myself that don't you live here? When I went upstairs I saw that she had made this an apartment. A kitchen, dining room, her bedroom, etc. I asked if she lived like this and she worked out of Detroit Metro Airport why not just divorce and move? She said and I quote, "I have too much invested here" 
I didn't ask what the hell that meant. I assumed though.
Did she think he was going to die soon and she'd get this house and land?
A house with land you can buy for the price of a mid size car? This is why you stick around? Oh my God you are all so toxic. But I said nothing but, "Oh"

Jim said she comes back from a week long trip (as a flight attendant) and if he didn't see her or hear her upstairs he wouldn't know because she will not talk to him. He said he has no interaction with people unless he goes to the Slovak Club. No wonder he goes there. 

So that was my visit with Jim and Terri. It is eating at Rick big time.
I hope I can tell you soon that we were able to get him help. Rick isn't giving up easily.

The next morning we went to meet an old buddy of Rick's. These two fools pick up right where they left off. Laughing constantly and talking fishing.
I just love Denny. His wife, she is a bit much to take for me and for Rick. But we sure do love Denny. I can tolerate Kathy but after awhile she just knows everything so you don't have a conversation, you listen to her pontificate.

Denny makes wine and my goodness has he perfected this. The first bottle I had many years ago was okay but not great. I didn't care if I ever had it again. He gave us 4 bottles to take home. Because there are no preservatives you can't cork it back up and let it sit for days. So we had to drink the bottle. 😁  It was so damn good I would put it next to some of my better wines I buy. I called him after we got home and I had consumed the bottle with Rick. I told im that he is my new distributor. He got a kick out of that.

Here is a photo of some of his bottles.

 This below is Rick on the left, Denny and Kathy his wife.

Rick and Denny are always smiling. I love these two.

So much fun when they are together you can't stop smiling yourself.

 This is Jim and Terri below. Doesn't he look broken? 

This is Jim's son Mark. I met Jim at this age, he looks exactly like his father did when I met him.

Overall not a great trip. But things we needed to know were uncovered and I am hopeful we can help Jim. We sure are gonna try like hell. But if he doesn't want or accept our help there isn't much we can do. Sad all around.