Recently the actress Kristin Scott Thomas (The English Patient) spoke of the strange phenom that happens to women over 50. She is 53.
I've talked about it here before but I wanted to discuss it a bit again.
If you haven't heard her comment this is a piece of it:
Kristin Scott Thomas said she has started to feel “invisible” since becoming middle age.
“I’m not talking about in a private setting, at a dinner party or anything,” she told Stella. “But when you’re walking down the street, you get bumped into, people slam doors in your face – they just don’t notice you. Somehow, you just vanish. It’s a cliché, but men grow in gravitas as they get older, while women just disappear.”
She is absolutely correct. No matter how good you look this happens to women.
This situation she speaks of God smacked me. I hated the attention when I was young.
I would get angry at being called the body in high school. I begged the year book committee to remove something I had seen while working on the year book and finally had to go to the year book adviser to have it removed. I didn't want to be remembered like that. I cried about this. I hated being ogled. I hated the comments I used to get from my co-workers (pilots) when I was older. I hated being spoken to because of how I looked and not who I was. So when it all went away it was so odd to me that it would bother me.
Isn't that what I wanted all along? Now I became invisible and no one will open the doors, or talk to you, or any of the things she speaks of. If you drop your bag no one grabs it unless they plan to rob you. Before there would be a swarm of men coming from out of no-where instantly to help you pick up your belongs. I am not talking ogling or gross shit. I don't care about that stuff. Just being invisible is weird now.
I remember telling Rick how weird this was. So did I unconsciously like that bullshit all along? That makes me pissed at myself if I am being honest. Did I actually like being whistled at when I was screaming to those who would listen that I hated it?
All of my young life I spent hiding under clothes that were too big or covered me was that all not real? I have to tell you when it vanished I was confused about my feelings.
Why did it bother me?
It bothered me so much that it bothered me when all the attention went away.
Yea, I'm that fucked up.
So when I read the article where she spoke of this I really got it.
This is how it feels to be over 50.
Oh sure the husband and the family will say you still look good. Pff.
You know it's just different. You're over 50. You have mirrors. Do we really think if Hollywood starlets didn't manipulate their faces they would get work?
Would the men who run Hollywood hire them? NO.
No one is looking at the distorted face of Goldie Hawn but her daughter, Kate Hudson, the younger version of Goldie. Sad but true. It is just this way. Men poo-poo this and say it shouldn't matter because it does not happen to them.
She goes on to say how she feels the pressure.
“At the Cannes Film Festival I got such a shock,” she told Stella. “I saw lots of my contemporaries there this year, all looking so beautiful and gorgeous and healthy, and I just felt like an old ragbag next to them. I just thought, ‘Maybe it’s time to do something about it, like a face lift.’”
I get it, but I hope she doesn't change her face.
Who will play the part of Miss Daisy in the movies anymore?
I had a friend who had a great face lift. She looks like she did when I met her 25+ yrs ago.
She was not all tugged and pulled but rested, beautiful and youthful.
Her jowls gone, her eyes brighter, her skin smooth.
Her face looks the same, just a younger version of herself.
Then I have friends who are so damn pulled and injected that they are goofy looking.
The injections make them look waxy and puffy and it's just weird.
Because I don't have that kind of money I can't do any of it.
I just have to deal with the gravity, the wrinkles and all that comes with it.
I have to keep saying and remembering, I just need my health, I want good health.
But the bigger issue to me is why it bothers me.
All of my friends that are 50 or older tell me the same thing. It bothers them too.
But I'm not sure what bothers me more, the fact that it happens or the fact that it bothers me. I'm thinking the latter, believe it or not.
Yea, I'm that messed up AND invisible.
13 comments:
As I read this I was thinking of how many times I am talking and someone will interrupt, off topic or whatever and it drives me nuts! What's sad about this is it's not just the young who do this. Case in point, I was at Taco Hell, uhm Bell ordering dinner for the fam. While I am ordering and talking to the cashier, an old woman came up and asked for salt. It was a WTF moment for me but worse, the cashier stopped talking to me to hand her some salt.
Seems like common manners are missing all around.....
Bonnie, while not quite what I meant I couldn't agree more with you!
I wouldn't know about big boobs, or great looks, because I've never had either. Just plain old flat chested me. It never stopped be from being helped, or having doors held open, etc. I think the only person that is truly bothered by how I look, is me. And, YES, it does bother me, very much!
You have 'The grass is always greener' syndrome.
Sorry to disagree Mike but I do not believe it to be a greener grass scenario. We are not lamenting what someone else has, we are lamenting the suddenly unnoticed factor. Today I was walking up the sidewalk to to enter wolftrap and I kept getting bumped. I was steadily saying excuse me or I am sorry. but to no avsil.I simply am invisible to world.
Do you think it's an age thing really or just a sign of the times? I'm pretty sure if I dropped my bag no one would help me pick it up either. Everyone is afraid to come into contact with anyone and everyone is just into themselves now. The whole manners thing has just went out the window.
To All - the point was missed except from Tina!! It has nothing to do if you were or are attractive. It has nothing to do with how you feel about yourself. It isn't about manners.
It is about the fact the real fact that women are invisible at a certain age. Even if that said woman is beautiful and 55 she is invisible!! No one pays any attention to her and will walk over her if she has fallen down to help the young person. Men can be fat, bald and damn gross but they are never ignored. Just sayin'
Men will never understand this.
To you young 'ens you will see and when it hits you like a brick in the face you'll say, "oh I remember reading about that"
Yep that is what I mean Tina.
I used Goldie Hawn as an example.
Her face is a bit funky now after surgery but she is still pretty and yet she can't work. She is still talented. Nope, they want the younger version of her, her daughter.
I saw Sela Ward on TV recently. Gorgeous woman, she was told they were looking for a young Sela Ward not a 50ish Sela Ward. In front of her face they said this to her.
But fat John Goodman is given opportunities because he is a good actor. A big fatso but he is referred to as a good actor. Why do women not get the same respect? Instead they are sent out to pasture? Why can't their skills be the noticed?
And as far as being bumped at Wolf Trap, if you were 31 or younger they would not have just kept walking. You are a beautiful woman, just of a certain age. I get what you are saying.
ABSOLUTELY! Men become distinguisged and handsome as their beards turn grey. We must dye ours or be described as old, or haggard. Men with bellies are portly, and if they still dress nicely, it becomes misread as being affluent enough to afford the good life: hence a lot of good food. If we have a pouch or more, we are fat, and out of shape.
If we are skinny, wrinkles show and skin hangs. And if it is not obvious, meaning we look young but one suspects otherwise, then they are always trying to look at our necks and hands for our true age like the rings on a tree. And If we are true thin and beautiful, we are told we look good "FOR OUR AGE!" Lastly, men, young and old, look past us no matter what to the young 35 or below. Unless of course, he is a young and looking for a couger to take him out!!!
I'm sorry you feel this way! It must be terrible. And I don't think there is anything wrong with you feeling hurt from lack of attention or people no longer really seeing you. I think it's totally normal. Hopefully you can look in the mirror and see you are still an amazing woman and at the end of the day it doesn't matter what anyone but yourself thinks
i find myself lingering with those same thoughts... feeling pissed... but, like you, i can't afford to do anything (and, well, actually, i don't think i would anyway)... life can be harsh, and it doesn't matter that everyone eventually feels it, it's a personal feeling we need to accept, deal with it, and move on (until we feel it again within the next few hours! LOL)
I read that same article a couple of weeks ago. I love her candidness. She spoke what so many of us feel :-(
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