I am not a Mom so I don't get all these Mean Mommy stories I read about.
I am thankful I have not had to experience this shit.
I have noticed that it does appear to occur more in certain parts of the country.
I find that interesting yet at the same time that especially doesn't surprise me.
Just saddens me.
I get the bullying in a different way with not having children.
I wrote awhile back about how women treat me sometimes because I don't have children.
I have never understood why that would bug someone else.
I'm not bugged if you chose to have children. I love kids. Just not my own.
I mean to tell you I got enough grief from my father about it so everyone can be assured I have received enough guilt, ridicule and damnation so you too do not need to lecture me more.
But the whole bullying thing is over the top.
Are women so miserable and feel so badly about themselves that they must make others feel badly? Are they so insecure that they need to make others feel left out of the "gang"?
More importantly what does behaving like this do for them? And what is that behavior teaching their young ones? That bad behavior is seen, felt and heard no matter what that mommy thinks!
So let's count.
Mommy's ridicule how other mom's raise their kids, dress their kids, school their kids and feed their kids and discipline their kids. And these same Mom's give me, a part of a couple who chose not to have children, mean remarks, pity and my personal favorite, making it a point to ignore me and to be sure I see it.
I love this woman. I love how she gets it. Her words are perfect here.
I love how she allowed her kid to do what he wanted because it didn't hurt anyone.
I love that he will grow up with such terrific parents.
I hate that at his young age he is already learning how shitty most people can be.
My 18 yr old nephew is a strapping 6'3" young man.
He and his Grandpa always have a good laugh when looking at the pictures on his Grandpa's wall of he in a pink leotard with a boa and a tutu playing with his sister and cousins.
He grew up with a sister and 3 girl cousins.
His grandmother watched each of them every day after school until their mom's picked them up after work.
This young boy was 4 or 5 and all his cousins and his sister were always playing dress up.
He wanted to be able to wear the tutu and leotards like they did. He even wanted some of the sparkles on that they wore.
So his grandmother let him.
They put on a show. His grandmother laughed hysterically.
Then Grandpa came home and said to Grandma, "you can't let him prance around in a pink leotard and tutu for heaven's sake. Are those sparkles on him? Oh for Pete's sake!"
She said there was nothing wrong with it! He is surround by girls and he wants to play too.
He was not going to be gay. Grandpa was not happy!
So now that this 18yr old boy is 1 foot taller than his grandpa they laugh at those pictures on the wall. This young man is heterosexual and finds it hysterical to hear that his grandfather thought what he wore would make him gay. He thinks Grandpa is funny.
How wonderful that he gets it and all those horrible women and this school didn't get it.
Why do women do this?
8 comments:
what a great blog you linked to! im going to have to give it some more of my time a bit later on.
in my experience it happens more in certain parts of the country than in others. also (and this is simply my opinion based on my experiences) a lot of the mothers doing the bullying consider themselves to be very religious and identify as christian. im not sure exactly why this is, but my theory is that they are less likely to have a "live and let live" attitude and they have it ingrained in them that what works for them will surely work for the rest of society. its sad really, all moms (and all women) should really just be trying to help each other instead of bringing one another down.
i will never understand why people give you a hard time for not having kids. WHY is that any of their business? do they want to help you raise them? im certain its just jealousy, because honestly having kids sometimes sucks.
Tammie - That letter the woman wrote was so perfect. I wanted to hug her...and her little boy.
Can you imagine me asking people why they had kids? My husband has done that once. We were at a party and someone asked me twice, "why don't you have children?" The 2nd time he asked her why does she have children? She didn't answer she just walked away. probably muttering under her breath that we were horrible horrible selfish people. That's right. That's the reason why!
Thank you for the links. I wanted to stand up and cheer for that womderful woman and her beautiful son. We need more people like them in the world.
I've lived with ridicule all my life for a genetic condition I have no control over. I have had people think they know better than me about how to live my life. However I am grateful that these experiences have enabled me to be a lot more accepting and understanding towards others. I hate being ridiculed and judged so I would hate to inflict that upon others.
That young man, having such a supportive and loving mother is going to grow up to be an awesome human being.
know what? some people make choices and they make sacrifices for those choices and then if you don't aspire to their choices they feel like their sacrifices are in vain.
i've heard people call the childless "selfish".
oh yeah? i vote "yes on school budgets because i believe in giving OTHER people's children the finest education MY money can buy.
nevermind that with finite resources and profligate population growth having a bunch of kids isn't really doing anybody any huge favors, unless you count your own ancestors, whose genes are being passed on, which might, according to biological imperative be considered a favor.
...but not to me.
and call me cold, but for twenty years i was a schoolteacher, and my middle school students were actually happy to hear that i'm not all that wild about kids. they get sick of hearing everyone say they went into education because they looooove kids.
i went into it, i told them, because i think the kind of grownups you get in the world depends on the kind of work you put into kids, and that i thought the work was important and that i liked doing it and by the way developed a personal relationship with the kids i worked with and earned to love them particularly even though on the whole i don't so much love kids in general.
it was an attitude that thirteen year olds could really appreciate.
personally, i don't have kids and wouldn't have kids because i'd be a crappy mom. more women should have that realization and there'd be a lot less kids who need therapy.
as for the gender thing, i was reading an awesome blog entry (wish i could remember which) about a guy whose son loves sparkly pink things.
...and big trucks.
and how hard it is to get toy trucks in sparkly pink.
friends of mine have a little girl who carries around a shovel or a wrench everywhere she goes. chances are she's still a number of years away from HAVING a sexual preference, but she likes tools. hasn't learned to walk reliably yet, but she likes tools.
she's happy.
whatever.
Flask - it looks like I deleted your post but in fact it came in twice before I realized it was the same one. Sorry 'bout that.
Love your remark "i think the kind of grownups you get in the world depends on the kind of work you put into kids"
Excellent.
Leisa - I'm sorry you've had to suffer from bully type behavior. I'm glad it made you strong and realize how terrific you already are.
Well....You already know how I feel about this. And I plan on handling it one way or the other. I paid the same amout as the meanie moms to attend class so I will stand my ground. But glad to know I'm not alone.
What a thoughtful post. I share your view of this in the world today. Why has mean-ness ever been allowed to become cool at all?
It's just spreading ugliness and self-hatred among so many.
Kindness isn't always reciprocal. I teach and teach my Granddaughters this...and I am saddened that it is a necessity.
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