Toxic People

Toxic People don't know they are toxic.
Negative people don't think they are negative.

Would they see it if they were shown hours of video with their comments and behavior?
You know like the surprised targets see their ugly clothing choices on What Not To Wear?

Something happened to me when I turned 40.
Yes, something other than my tits and ass falling that is.
I started to not be a people pleasing person. I no longer was going to say YES, when I really wanted to say NO. It was truly one of the most difficult things to do. Yes, even more difficult than eliminating carbs or trying on a bathing suit in winter with those glaring flourescent lights!

I started slowly. I found saying No was uncomfortable. I would squirm. But I continued.
I found the uncomfortable place was better than saying yes to do something I couldn't do and then going home to bitch to my husband about how dare they ask me to do this. So I realized that Dr. Phil did say one thing in his life that made sense - people treat you the way you allow them to treat you. I was being walked on because I was afraid if I didn't let them they wouldn't like me. So began my era of "people treat me the way I allow them to treat me."
That became my mantra as I continued to forge ahead with my No's. Oh my family was the worst. I was a bitch they would say. I heard it all. But I stuck to my guns. Even though some of those times made me cry I was determined.

I will bend over backwards for family and friends but I am finding that most will just suck the life out of you if you let them. So are those really friends? I mean c'mon we all know family we're stuck with good and bad. But "friends"? We don't have a lot of options here. We can talk to them. We can try to explain our point of view. Perhaps a when you do this it makes me feel like XYZ. But if they don't understand and continue to do this then is it time to move on or is that mean?

I have chosen to move on. Life for me has been a lot of highs and lows like for most people. Right now I don't need all the negativity. I also don't need the bullshit.
I am straight up no chaser for God's sake - c'mon I don't like bullshit.
One does not have to be hurtful to be honest. That can't be said enough - "you can be honest without being hurtful" repeat after me.

I wrote an email awhile back to some friends as a joke. I know if I posted it here ya'll would comment on the humor or comment in kind with your witty retorts. However I got one back that was negative. One. Normally I would have let it go but it was the straw that broke this camels back.

When discussing this with the person I told her there were 2 but there was only her negativity. I wanted to open dialog. This had been going on for a long time. (my husband pointed out when she was visiting how everything no matter how mundane became a negative comment from her) I was now tired of it to be honest. But I wanted to show her that she didn't have to go there but how? I mentioned that it was a joke she realized that right? oh she did she said. I asked if she could explain why she said what she did then to me I was puzzled. She went on a negative tirade. I realized right then that there was nothing I could say so why say more. She was exhausting and I was tired. I left it float there and I said nothing more. I ended the conversation and in my mind the friendship to. It made me step back and look at all the things said over the years and all the snarky comments said I realized I had to purge this and I did. I sometimes still feel badly but mostly not. She insisted there was a positive comment at the end that I was overlooking. And God love her she was correct and I told her that and that was all I said.
She didn't get it so what point was there of pointing that out to her. It did make me laugh though. The equalivant would be, "You are a Big, Fat, Stupid, Low Class White Trash Piece of Shit, but your hair looks kind of nice." What you didn't hear me tell you your hair looked nice?
That kind of thing.

So I have moved on. You are asking, so why the hell did that come up today?
Because today I saw a quote that read....
Toxic relationships are like broken glass. It’s better to leave them broken...than hurt yourself trying to fix it.

Now if only family members could stop finding ways to suck the life out of me from miles and miles away.