I met Rick's mom in 1988.
I was living in Cleveland OH and Rick lived in Erie PA.
Rick and I were just friends. We talked on the phone daily and told each other our dating horror stories and made one another laugh.
He would visit me. I would visit him when I was in town to see my family.
One day he told me on the phone that he had to go visit his mom.
He dreaded it. His father had passed 6 years earlier and his father was everything to him. He had never had a good relationship with his mom.
He was thankful for his father in all ways. But since the day I met him he rarely said positives about his mom. Oh sure there were some, but for the most part, he wasn't often pleased by his mom.
His mom had been sick. She had leukemia but was now in remission and he wanted to go see how she was doing. He asked if I wanted to go with him. He really didn't want to go and he said I could be his buffer.
I said sure I'll go, what the heck. I wanted to see this tiny town he grew up in any way.
We stopped and bought a bushel of fresh strawberries from this stand on the way down for his mom along with some flowers. It was a nice summer day drive. It was 3.5/4 hrs away.
We arrived and I met the cold and scary Mom.
She was everything Rick said she was. I found her mean and scary.
She made us such a nice dinner of her homemade spaghetti and meatballs and strawberry shortcake for dessert with the strawberries we brought. She wouldn't let me help her do anything when I would ask.
If I just jumped in she would push my hand away. Who does that behavior? But then she would act like I should be helping.
When I said something to Rick he told me, 'that is just how she behaves all the time. passive aggressive'
I tried conversation and it was always met with an icy cold remark.
I am not used to this you see so I was perplexed.
She did ask me about my last name which I thought was odd.
She also asked if I knew what that meant in Italian. I did indeed.
Geez, she's not going to hold that against me now is she?
After dinner, I brought the dishes to the sink and began to wash dishes while his mom was in the bathroom. She came out and literally moved me so she could do them. Okay then. I said nothing, just moved.
I grabbed a dish towel and began to dry the dishes.
I asked about her husband Ben and that made her talk.
Boy, she missed this man and it was nice to see this side of her.
But she reverted back to mean scary Violet in no time.
Now all the stories I would hear about her made sense.
She looked like Aunt Bea from The Andy Griffith Show in Mayberry from all the photos I had seen of her. But today as I stood next to her she was half that size since leukemia. She looked well and I asked her how she was feeling. Instead of saying, fine thank you or whatever nicety one would say, she felt it necessary to tell me she is healthy, don't I look it? Geez, lady.
She didn't make anything easy.
Rick told his mom he would like to go down the street to stop by his Aunt Lucy's house and asked if she wanted to go. She made a smart remark that was a bit mean to me, about her sister and did not wish to go.
So we walked down there to say hello to his Aunt. We did not stay long and brought back to his mom some veggies from her sisters garden.
She made a remark about how small this vegetable was and if his father was alive he'd show her how to grow proper veggies.
Gee no wonder this woman had no friends she was just not nice.
Everything was negative. Glass half empty kind of person.
Rick wanted to go to the tavern in town that his friend owned that night.
He told his mom we would be going there later tonight, was that okay?
She said sure. I go to bed early now that I have that TV in my room she says. She actually smiled at Rick. (he got her said TV)
We sat at her table that she had been working on this puzzle and we did some of that. She wanted to watch TV in the living room and we did that with her as well. Conversation with me was nil. She didn't care and it showed so I stayed in the background and just smiled when appropriate. She made me feel awful.
Before we left Rick ran upstairs to get the bedding for the sofa.
I was going to get his room and he was going to sleep on the sofa.
Remember we were just friends at this point in time.
While Rick was upstairs his mom asked me if I was dating her son.
I said, "Oh no, Rick and I are just really good friends."
She just nodded and said nothing.
She obviously did not like me and I have only said 2 words to her and thanked her constantly for dinner etc. But her mind was made up.
Vi went upstairs to put on her robe and night clothes and we were heading out to the bar. She said to Rick that the key was in the same place because she will lock the door. She hugged and kissed Rick and said good night. She said nothing to me as I said good night.
We went to the bar and had a ball. The old woman in the kitchen of this place sees "little Ricky" and comes out from behind the kitchen to hug him. She was his choir teacher in school and church.
I met all the people who never left this awful small town and it was interesting, fun and a learning experience.
Everyone made fun of Rick's shoes. (they were nice shoes c'mon) and they teased him for looking like a big city dude.
They bought him shots, drinks, and tried to take his money at pool.
He was still good at pool they soon learned.
It was crazy. Thankfully we walked and did not have to drive home.
At least while here people were nice to me.
Rick was 3 sheets to the wind when we got back. And worse was when the key was not where he felt it should be on the porch. We eventually found it, but he kept saying this is not where we kept it. She did that on purpose.
Doubtful Rick, but you're drunk so we'll let that go.
We came inside and ate some leftover spaghetti and meatballs by the refrigerator door light. We giggled and then I head upstairs to bed.
He went to the sofa. It was after 2am.
Sometime during the night Rick crawled upstairs and got into the bed.
I woke up and asked, what the hell are you doing?
He said it's awful on the couch, just scooch over and let me sleep.
He was snoring instantly.
I was frozen in panic.
Do I go downstairs in my t-shirt and underwear?
Do I get downstairs and sleep in my clothes?
I tried waking him, he wasn't budging.
I should have gone downstairs. I was stupid and had been drinking. I lived to regret it even more.
In the morning I woke up and he was still asleep. I told him to get downstairs before his mom is up. I grabbed my things and went into the bathroom and got showered and dressed and went downstairs.
I was folding the bedding on the sofa when his mom walked in.
In her cold mean voice she said, "I see no one slept on the couch last night" Damn I did not beat her
I said, "Good morning. Rick was here when I went to bed but he came upstairs at some point complaining how short the sofa was for him"
She just made a sound. Oh shit.
She asked if I wanted coffee. I was not a coffee drinker at the time and I told her no. She asked again. I thought to myself, does that mean I have to have coffee. Dear Lord this woman frightened me.
She was not Glenda the Good Witch.
So I said no again and she shook her head at me in disgust.
She began to fry bacon and I knew that would wake him up.
She asked how drunk he was last night.
I said, "not bad, he was so happy to see all these people and they bought him drinks and there was singing and laughing and I think Vi he had a really nice time."
"Is he a drinker Peggy? "
My first thought was what the hell does that mean?
I told her that he and I like to drink wine and we have drinks sometimes if that is what you mean.
She just nodded her head never looking away from her bacon.
I asked what I could do to help. She said, "Nothing, you've done enough."
What the F was that supposed to mean?
Rick came downstairs at the perfect time after she said this to me.
He said Good Morning all cheerful and went to give his mom a kiss on the cheek. She pulled away. He looked over his shoulder at me. I shrugged.
She was busy as a bee in the kitchen but she was not speaking to Rick.
Rick asked her what her problem was and she said you know.
Rick said if I knew I would not have asked.
She said, "your drinking! I heard you two laughing when you came in last night or this morning I should say. And I don't appreciate your sleeping arrangements in my home. "
He apologized and said it wasn't Margaret's fault.
That couch is so uncomfortable and short I had to go to my bed.
I didn't sleep with her under your roof for heaven's sake Mom.
I have more respect for you than to do that. Besides we are just friends.
In the meantime, I had tiptoed out of the room and went into the other room. I could still hear them of course. She was talking now a mile a minute now that I wasn't there.
She continued on this drinking topic for a long time.
"Oh, your dad didn't go out and get drunk. He never even drank."
Of course, Rick said, 'What do you think he was doing at the American Legion on Saturdays when he brought home the burgers for dinner. He was generally buzzed Mom. Then when I was older Dad and I did this together on Saturdays and played pool and drank a few beers."
"Your father never did that sort of thing, Rick. Don't malign his name"
Rick said laughing I am not drunk all the time Mom, just days ending in Y.
That made her shriek, "Ricky you need help."
He was laughing and told her he was making a joke.
She really doesn't know her son at all, does she?
Rick yelled to me that breakfast was ready and by God, I did not want to go into that room, but I did.
We ate breakfast and Rick said he was going to run over to this guys house to do something that today I do not recall.
He said he'd come right back.
I said I'd be ready. I wanted to go now. I wanted to kill him for telling his mom that he only drank on days ending in Y and leaving me here to suffer after that comment.
After breakfast, he left. I helped his mother with the dishes again.
This time she talked to me or more aptly put, interrogated me.
She asked me if her son got drunk all the time.
I said all the time? Heaven's no! He was pulling your leg Vi.
Rick is a typical 30 year old though.
He likes to go out with his friends. Last night was a different situation.
He hasn't seen most of these people since he was 18 and left this area.
He was just having some fun.
But her line of questioning just kept at me about his drinking and she worries about him and that his father never drank.
Then she asked, "Do you date my son or only sleep with him?"
OMG. I said we are only friends and he came upstairs last night complaining about the sofa. Nothing happened except sleep. I am sorry I did not immediately come downstairs, I realize I should have.
She made a sound. Pft.
So now I'm apparently a slut and a drunk.
I am thinking at this point the woman has gone and lost her mine.
I've seen photos of his dad with him at weddings and at this American Legion with a drink in his hand. I don't think it was a prop.
But of course, I don't need any more grief from this woman so I nod in agreement a great deal while she continues to share that her husband never drank. I just stopped talking.
I wanted to KILL Rick for leaving me here.
She went on to talk about Rick's career. None of which she understood.
He was no longer blue collar and the white collar world made no sense to her. What is training anyway? (he was a sales trainer at the time)
Remember this is small hillbilly country. Coal mining etc.
No one has a college degree. Rick was making money and when he tried to help her she would think the money was dirty money.
How did you get this she'd ask? (rob a bank? ha ha)
He would tell her about his job.
She would say, "You don't make that kind of money."
He would tell her he does.
Now, was he rich? No, not by any means.
He made the average for a male in his profession and at his age.
I don't think Rick made anything more than 35-40K at the time.
Not a lot of money like she was making it seem.
But to his mother, a young man making the money he did was unheard of. So to her, something was amiss.
Instead of being proud of him, instead of being thankful he has risen above where he came from, instead of appreciating her new TV from him, she was suspicious about it all as only Vi could be on everything.
I went upstairs and packed after breakfast.
I was going to be ready to leave.
I could not bear another night here.
Rick came back with some fresh bread that his friend's mom had made for Vi.
That made her happy. Not that you would see a smile or anything.
We sat at the puzzle table and he and his mom chatted for a while.
I played with puzzle pieces.
Rick wanted to go to this nearby town and told his mom that she should go with us and we'd stop and see a woman who he called Grandma Scoot.
(she was not his grandmother) She said she'd go.
Oh yippee.
While she went upstairs to dress we went outside to chat.
Rick showed me the garden of his dads that I had heard about and where Rick got his love for gardening. I told him I also saw who his mother was and I now understand your stories better. I'm so sorry. He laughed and said imagine my teens when my mom was going through menopause and I was a difficult teen. It was explosive in those days because she is far nicer now than she was then.
Oh dear Lord.
We went to Grandma Scotts and she was so lovely.
The exact opposite of Rick's mom. She told stories and we laughed.
She talked to me, not at me.
She showed me pictures of "little ricky" as they all called him.
(Little Ricky at 6'2 amongst a sea of no one over 5'6".)
We left there and we took Vi to a late lunch.
It wasn't a fancy place but as we pulled in she insisted that Rick not spend this kind of money. It was a diner type for God's sake.
I didn't understand her fuss.
Rick always the tease said, "Oh I'm not paying Margaret is so don't worry about it ."
She said quickly, "Okay"
Boy, she didn't like me. Rick paid by the way, but she didn't see that thank God! She was in the restroom. Knowing her this short time she would have thought that this drunken slut was taking advantage of her boy.
Lunch was fine and when we got back to her home it was now almost dinner.
She said she wasn't going to be hungry are we okay with leftovers for dinner.
I looked at Rick thinking we were leaving with I am certain a look of panic on my face. After she was upstairs he said how about we stay with her tonight?
I said, "Okay on one condition. I am sleeping on the sofa and you can have the bed." He laughed and said okay if I really was okay with that. I was.
The evening was spent looking at pictures of her granddaughter
(Rick's daughter) and the new pictures of Rick's first wife's 2nd wedding.
We couldn't have cared less but we smiled through it. Rick and I would make eye contact and smile.
She was in her glory and we just went with it.
I couldn't get out of this house in the morning fast enough.
I actually brought the luggage to the car while Rick was doing something for his mom in the basement. I mean to tell you I wanted to leave.
We said our goodbyes in the morning. Allow me to rephrase.
Rick and his mom said their goodbyes.
I tried to thank her for her hospitality but she wouldn't look at me.
So I just said it out loud to anyone who wanted to take it in and got in the car.
When I got home I sent flowers and a thank you card for the hospitality and her cooking and all. I knew she didn't care and I also knew this wouldn't make her like me. But I would do this for anyone in this situation and I wasn't going to lose my manners because she was a cranky ole wench.
I never saw her again alive.
She had a gallbladder operation and she died.
I was at the hospital during the operation but she never came to.
I was there for the funeral and everything else Rick had to go through.
But I never saw her again alive.
I have often wondered what she would have made about us becoming more than friends. I most often think she would assume I had lied to her about us being friends because she always saw the negative first.
Sadly I understood this woman to a point. I had some of these old cranky Italian women in my extended family too. But because they were family they were nice to me.
Vi would have never been nice to me. Rick agrees.
Thank God he was adopted and this was not his mother and he didn't get any of those mean ass genes.
