Angry Thursday

I just have to.

Some politics, some religion. Taboo big time.

Your religion is your religion. If my history class was somewhat accurate I was taught that the pilgrims came here for religious freedom. 

But all I hear is this Christian right bullshit. 

The election ads in this part of hillbilly land all say, "America is a Christian Nation"   No buddy it is not!  

They may be a majority but that is not America.

These commercials for these idiot candidates who don't pay taxes and have children out of wedlock with someone other than their wives are spouting their *!#$ Christian ideals that we all must have to make America Great Again. It was great until Evil showed up. Yet they follow the Evil who is orange. WTF?

So then on the Today show on Tuesday, we had to listen to Savannah Gutherie go on and on about her Christian faith. All it did was make me go to Good Morning America. Good for you Savannah, it has helped you. Good, sit down, shut up, pray to your God, but keep it to your damn self unless someone asks for your opinion in your church or a friend sincerely asks you.  We don't care to know.  I don't care who you are sleeping with, who you pray to or do not pray to. Private. Not for a journalist of all people to spew this.

What kind of journalist does this? I never knew Dan Rather's religion.

I did not care. He was a good journalist. 

Someone said, "Well she has the right."

Okay does she?  

If one of the other anchors was Atheist would you allow them to give you their opinions? Buddhists? Jewish? Muslims? Do they have the same equal rights? Would you treat them like they are the 2nd coming like you did her?

We all damn well know they wouldn't get that fawning or to be given that same right.

They would be condemned at best. Religious prosecution to me.

And now that we are giving opinions that no one gives a shit about but me. You're going to get them. You can leave here if it bothers you I understand.

I gave this one to Mike so if you follow him you've seen it.

Then the 2nd one I stole from Mike. :-) 

Take the time to watch it all. It should scare you. 

I sent the 2nd one to a republican friend in Ohio, she wrote back how he is pure evil and she wants to move to Switzerland. 

I told her I was just sent an invitation for dual citizenship in Italy since my parents are from there. I have begun the process. I may need it just in case.

1.

2,

And Finally a happy note for me. The first spring training day game is this Saturday at 1pm for me. This makes me happy. Don't have a lot of hope for my team again this year. And until we get new management and new general mgr it will just be the same shit on a different day. But I love seeing the boys of summer.

So guess what I'll be watching Saturday on TV from the ugly chair? 😂

MRI Day

When I wrote about Rick's inability to put dishes. pots and pans after unloading the dishwasher back where he got them or where they belong, Jean suggested leaving a list on the cabinets and drawers. That was very nice of her. And it was a GREAT suggestion for a normal person or one even with dementia. 

I read that to Rick. He chuckled. 

I said, "I did the same because I know you, you old fool you'd never read it or give a shit enough to read it."  

He said, "Well that is a bit harsh when you say it like that, but it's correct." 

all said while chuckling.

"I KNOW!"  

The man can build me a bed frame but needs help figuring out how to make a bed. The simple flat sheet boggles his mind when it comes to the corners. 

I have tried to show him this for 36 yrs  - 36 YEARS. He helps me make the bed because of my back issues but he can't do corners. It's ridiculous. I swear it's lazy but he insists it's not. Hmm hmm.

I had my first back surgery in 1985. It was a laminectomy. I ruptured a disc and they did this at L4/L5. I did this at a concert in Toronto that I think I wrote about here. I hit my tailbone and bounced twice on the concrete. 

I was in instant pain but made it home...barely.

I was in so much pain over the next month that my eyelashes fell out. Lovely. I worked at the ticket counter of an airline. Nice look. I also wore heels all day. I finally had the dreaded surgery I was putting off.  I think I also told you that the only time the nurses paid any attention to me was when pilots came to visit me and they were in uniform. Then they were all in my room to fluff pillows, asking if I needed anything, etc. Crazy nurses.

Then in 1997, I fell down a flight of stairs wearing socks. I now never wear socks in the house. Too slippery on rugs. So anyway another surgery this time a discectomy above the one before. L3/L4

All that fun surgery has given me spinal stenosis. You can google it. 

It is painful as hell. My left leg is heavy, feels like I've got 40lb weights on it. It is always numb and tingling. Big-time tingling/burning. Not nerve pain like sciatica, this is different. It's awful though. I can not stand straight upright, I drag my leg a bit for comfort. I can walk normally if need be as I try to do in public but it hurts like hell. 

I can not wear anything but a sneaker.  I don't normally wear sneakers all the time. So I am walking like I'm 90 or older. I am unable to dress well and I am in excruciating pain 24/7.

They gave me a prednisone pack for a week. So then I bloat up like a blowfish and feel awful from that. Moon face is oh so lovely.  It also won't allow slumber so I'm up all damn night in pain. I have gabapentin but it really does nothing more than allow me to sleep. Thank goodness. But no pain relief at all.  Not even for the nerve pain in my leg.

I was given a 2nd round of a prednisone pack only a higher dosage. I did not take it. I hate this feeling of prednisone. The side effects are horrific. But I was in such pain I finally took it after days and days of Rick telling me to. The vanity part is only a small part of the horrific side effects of this damn drug. But crying all the time wasn't a good look either. So I gave in.

I now have no calf bone one can see and my feet look like they belong to Fred Flinstone and not my bony, veiny feet. My bra is tight and my jeans are miserable. All from prednisone. I hate it. Right now my pain is down to a 8/9. If I have to walk a lot like today it's a 10. But it was far higher before the prednisone trust me! Nausea, constipation, inability to sleep. Fun, fun, fun.

Oh and the hunger issue. I could eat my arm off. I refuse to eat though because of how bloated and fat I feel but my God does it make you hungry. Think munchies on steroids, literally.

My MRI is on Wednesday at 8:15am. The doctor will get it by Thursday, read it, and call me for plans of action. I am praying for no surgery. I would like to try something less invasive first like injections. I think this is too far gone for an epidural.  They are the first line of attack. I think this is further along than that. Rick wants to drive me. He has driven alone twice now. 

(oh how I get nervous!)  I asked if I could drive to the MRI and he could drive me home. He was okay with that. 

So that has you up to speed with this nightmare of me being unable to bend, lay on my side, or my back, just be in Rick's ugly chair. I now have some love for this ugly thing. Who knew right?

We've had contractors here all week working on our bathroom. God willing I will have it done by Friday but doubtful. It would be nice to not have to lift our legs to get into a tub. Also to have our double vanity again instead of being crammed into this small hall bath. It's been since June  - and it's been a nightmare. But having them here all week doesn't allow me to rest. I wanted to just rest and sleep this afternoon so bad. I sat down at one point and I fell asleep in the chair. I slept for an hour and when I woke up Rick said they just left. They were still in the driveway. Oh, that was embarrassing. I mean if I could have gone to a bedroom to sleep that would be one thing but they passed me in a chair knocked out. Oh well. It is what it is. 

Off to an MRI tomorrow. I am claustrophobic so this should be a fun time. I am getting one that is more open like a CT scan so it shouldn't be too bad unless they are lying to me. 

Are we having fun yet?

Humor Me

I tease my niece about her love of Drake.

Or as she calls him, her boyfriend.

She went to see him in concert very recently. She wrote on her Instagram with her picture of she and her husband at the concert. 

She wrote, My husband took me to see my boyfriend. 

Well, that is how I feel about Lenny. (and Gerard Butler) 

I DO NOT watch The People's Choice Awards. But I knew he was receiving an icon award so I had to watch him. The show is automatically recorded on Dish Prime so around 1am when I was wide awake I put on my headphones and FF until it came to Lenny. They had a great intro which I can not find online. But I did get his compilation of hits here that he played.

The man is like a fine wine to me. He just gets better with age. 

In May he will be 8 years younger than me. Tinder Vittles, baby! 😁

I almost saw him once while I was in Manhattan for work while he was at MSG but I didn't get there. I was so damn bummed. Oh well. 

So last night I had a mini concert. I can't listen to him and not move. 

So humor me today. It's all about Lenny.

And for those of you who are not a fan of his, here is a tid bit you probably didn't know. His mom played Helen Willis on the Jefferson. Like on the show of a mixed marriage she too was married to a white man. 

So there ya have it....one of my boyfriends.

Not Bending

God love this man. Here is Rick emptying the dishwasher for me because I can't bend right now.

Let the games begin-

No matter how long he has lived here he doesn't have a clue where anything goes, EVEN when he takes it out to use said item. 

So now we play find your kitchenware.

I find this very funny, but trust me it took me 30 yrs to get here.

Life

It was interesting to me that my free-range kid post fell on generational lines.

Those of you young enough to be my children or those where I can be your grandmother all felt it was always as it is today just no social media. 

No, sadly not the case. But I do understand why you would think so. Of course, there were crimes. If there weren't my father wouldn't have lectured my sisters and me not to talk to strangers, take candy from strangers, pet a puppy that a stranger called us over to see, etc.

Oh, the danger was there, just not like today sadly. 

Take for example the nice parade for the Kansas City Chiefs. That didn't happen back then. You could go and not worry about a thing except see your favorite player. Or you could go to school and not fear for your life.

Or you could attend a music festival and not be shot or killed.

Woodstock couldn't happen today. The worst thing that happened there was overdoses. Not that it was a good thing, however, they were self-inflicted casualties. Violence was not part of the concert.

Our world is a scary place and it's only going to get worse it seems. 

______________

I got my hair cut on Wednesday. I could leave and not cry or want a hat. She was lovely. It looks good. She is helping me grow it into a different style and she gets it.  

When I called to make this appointment they told me $85 and up I believe.

I about died when I went to pay and it was $92. Okay, then I can't tip because this is getting ridiculous. I didn't tip my dentist a couple of weeks ago either. Both are professionals.  I paid an outrageous amount for a great service that is it.  So no, I did not tip.  It felt wrong but damn it then I would have spent at minimum $102.  I've had enough of the prices around here. Small town with bigger than big city prices. This is more like Manhattan prices not even DC/Northern VA.  Crazy.

While I love my hair I don't know if I can keep it up with these prices. 

But my hair looks good damn it!

_______________

I need a couple days off. The pain for me right now is off the charts. I have all I can handle with Rick and I'm doing my best to keep afloat. Although the most comfortable I am is sitting in my office chair. Go figure.

My MRI isn't until Wednesday the 21st. Then I imagine it will be more waiting for relief. And no one will give me pain pills because you know I may abuse them and become an oxy addict. Yep, that was this old gal's plan all along you know. 

Hump Day

I do not know why this made me laugh so hard but it did.

Busy day. Fingers crossed it won't be as awful as we anticipate.

Chair Lifts

We saw a commercial for a chair lift for your 2-story home.

You know the ones who take you up your stairs to the 2nd floor should you be unable to climb the steps alone. 

I said to Rick they just go so damn slow though.

He said, "Yes, I can fall down the steps much faster than that"

That cracked me up. Point taken.

We also saw people on TV talking about free-range kids.

Were you a free-range kid?

Rick and I were most definitely.

Granted this was a time when one could play outside and not get shot, stolen, or have any fear of one's life. 

My sister and I would run outside in the summer and only stop by to use the bathroom, eat lunch, and for me to wash my hands. I hated dirty hands and did wash them a bit too frequently for my sister's and mother's opinion. Oh, it had nothing to do with germs, I was just prissy. Hated getting my hands dirty and hated getting my clothes dirty. Which I did both most days. If they had had wipes in those days, those would have been in my flowered bike basket trust me. I was indeed a weirdo. My sister, she just liked to torment and tease me. My mom just wanted me to stop coming inside, slamming the screen door, and washing my hands. 

I have shared with you that we had a drinking fountain in our backyard that the whole neighborhood used because heaven forbid we bother my mom and slam that screen door yet again.

We left and were home in time for dinner. Wash our hands and I had to set the table and that was that. Dinner took place. We went out after dinner if still light out and had to be home before the street lights came on. 

Can you even imagine kids doing that today?

My parents never knew where we were. No phones. Usually playing in the creek, grabbing poly wogs, climbing trees, sat in the woods reading  (well that was me), and riding our bikes places. We would get popsicles at the dairy farm nearby and sit on the fence and watch the cow cross the road. We'd moo of course. 

We went to a local cemetery just two blocks away at a church. We would read off the names and dates and imagine what they were like. There was a big barn nearby with horses and people taking horse riding lessons and we'd ride our bikes there and hang out in the barn and pet horses. No one said we couldn't or bothered us as long as we didn't bother them. When there were a bunch of neighborhood kids we would play games like Red Rover.  What a different world.

When my niece was here with her daughter it was a screen thing. Watch TV, Disney, or streaming cartoons or movies. Look at an IPAD or her mother's laptop. Sometimes she looked at books. Being outside was just not something she ever did, wanted to do, or could even imagine doing. 

It's not sad to her. She doesn't know anything else. Her mom grew up pretty close to the same way but without the IPAD and streaming it was DVDs. 

I find it all so sad that our world has become this.

Another sign of how damn old I am I guess. Why does it even matter to me?

I had so much fun outside as a kid. Even just hanging out playing softball in our neighbor's yard where their swing set was 2nd base. Getting lost in a cornfield and crying believing I was lost forever until I finally heard my father's voice. (My sister ran and got him because she couldn't find me.) 

I do recall one time being a bit further from home than I was allowed to be. 

I was on my bike but with a neighborhood friend. 

A car stopped and it was my neighbor, Mrs. Rose. 

She said, "Peggy do your parents know you are on Heidler Road?"  

I lied and said, "Sure they do Mrs. Rose. I told them I was getting ice cream with Debbie".  She said okay and left.  Now that part was true, I did tell my mom Debbie and I were going for ice cream but I also knew she assumed we were at the dairy farm not this far away so I was lying.

But Mrs Rose didn't believe me and tattled on me and told my mom I was on that busy road.

When I got home my mom asked me where I had been. I lied. She asked me again and said, "This time remember if you lie to me that is 2x the trouble"  I fessed up.  I was grounded for a week - no bicycle.  My freedom was taken away.

Your Top Two Questions

The questionnaire brought up a lot of questions about my fear of cats and my imaginary friend. To those who have read those stories from years ago....skip and go to the next blog post of mine. 

To all the newbies here it is again.

Showing you my quirks. :-)

Cats - Oh, how I don't like cats. I won't look at photos if in a movie or TV.  

I just look away. Hearing a cat will send me off the ledge. When I say I dislike cats I guess I should really say that I am so damn afraid of cats it's off the charts. But that doesn't exactly make me like them either. 

It has always been an inconvenience, to say the least. Everyone I know or love has damn cats. I do not recall ever being attacked. I have asked my father and he just said since I was a child. My mom would probably know but she died when I was 13 so she can't help me. My sister says she has no idea it's just always been this way with me.

When a cat was sitting by my car I couldn't go to my car. 

I had my 4-year-old sister go and hold the cat until I could get in the car. And she had to hold it far away so if it got out of her hands I could still make it to my car. How ridiculous is that?  I know I know. 

When I turned 31 I went to a hypnotist. Rick insisted. 

He was convinced this would help me. 

It brought up a 'scene' where this cat was hanging on our front door screen on the metal scrolls of the era. I was freaking out. I'd say I was about 7 or 8 when this event happened. The cat was outside so I must have been afraid before this. I was awakened by the therapist. I had a nightmare that evening and vowed to never go back. The hypnotist offered to do this for free because he was fascinated, but nope, I didn't like this feeling so chicken shit me wouldn't do it again. (point, my parents aren't cat people so this was not an issue for them that they wanted one and couldn't because of me)

Julie here on the blog spoke to me in an email about this. I told her I am not fond of heights but if I had to stand on an outside ledge on the 25th floor of a bldg with others, I'd stay inside, but if a cat came onto the ledge, I'd jump off the ledge. Again, makes no friggin' sense and I know it. 

What I REALLY hate is when people tell me I'd love their cat. 

No, no I wouldn't. If you're afraid of furry spiders and I tell you mine is so docile, just pet it, you'd love it, you wouldn't do it. So why do people think I must love their damn cat? No, I don't, don't ask me, it's mean.

I am fully aware it's irrational, but aren't all fears irrational to some degree?

I hate it only because of the inconvenience. I can't go to people's homes with cats unless I know for certain they are locked up. Rick generally will go in first for me to be sure it's okay. He's seen me flip out. Fallen from running away, twisting an ankle, etc. But even knowing it's locked up somewhere in the home, I am never, ever comfortable there and always on the edge of my seat. 

My stepmom got a cat after I moved away. I sit by the back door in the kitchen so I have a quick getaway if they come out from their locked area upstairs. 

I am never comfortable there.

So there ya go. I don't recall being attacked as a kid. I do not know where it comes from I wish I did. And I wish it could go away. I asked the hypnotist to hypnotize me to tell me I'm not afraid and to not let me remember that I was ever afraid. He said he couldn't do that. So there ya go. 

Now to my imaginary friend Janet.

I lived in this home with my Dad and Mom from age 2 until I was 6 years old. The entire time my Dad told me I played with a girl named Janet. 

I can still to this day tell you what she looked like. 

Black hair in braided pigtails, a red plaid dress that has a full skirt, white anklets, and black Mary Jane shoes. 

(I can't remember shit these days but her I can still vividly see in my mind's eye)

I remember playing with Janet. I remember the time my father sat on Janet and I screamed bloody murder. It scared the crap out of him and he jumped up and he asked what was wrong and my mom and I both said at the same time, "You sat on Janet."  I cried!  

Yes, a table was set for Janet too. At this time in my life, I was an only child for the most part. My sister was born when I was 3. I already knew Janet.

Oh, I won't bore you with all the things 'we did together' but she was real to me. When we moved I was so upset that Janet didn't come along. I remember asking my mom why. God love my mom, she never said this wasn't real or told me to stop it. She just said, "Janet has to stay at her house while we go to our new house"  I just thought, okay, but I was sad.

As an adult, I always thought it was funny that Janet wore the same thing every day and I never questioned that or where her parents were. I just played with Janet. To me, she was my friend.

As I grew up I heard all the stories from my folks. My mom one day said something to her sister about my imaginary friend Janet and they laughed. 

I was there in the kitchen with them. I asked about it because at this point I am 10 and I wanted to hear all this from my mom now. I still remember her very well. Mom told me stories about how when I got a cookie, she had to put one on a plate for Janet. When I turned my back Mom would take it away.

When she wanted to give my old mittens to my little sister I insisted she give them to Janet because she never came outside with me to play.

Things like that. My mom and my Aunt thought these were funny stories and frankly so did I. But I also felt they were real and I don't know why. 

But I knew enough at age 10 not to share that with them. 

Fast forward to being in my very early 30s living in a home that others would call haunted. I saw and heard things that would make most flip out. 

I grew used to them. I saw the 2 people that 'lived there' with me. When Rick moved into that apartment after I left he called me one day and said, "What the hell is going on here"  I had to explain.  You can read about that here.  It explains a lot!

We were told by this woman out of nowhere at a large event in the civic center that had nothing whatsoever to do with this topic. Just a random woman who came up to us and said that we both were 'open' to spirits. Whatever that meant. She said to us, 'You see and hear things others don't'

We just laughed this stranger off. We listened to her but that was it.

But now we know that to be true.

One day over wine sitting on our patio up north Rick and I got to talking about all the odd things that we both had happen at that home and other places. We talked about my 'feelings' I get that come to fruition etc. 

Or a bad feeling and I insist we walk away and learn later what happened and we were glad we listened to my 'feeling'

I used to ignore them but later in life stopped ignoring them.

Rick said, "I don't believe for a minute your imaginary friend was your imagination at all, as much as it was a poltergiest or ghost you played with. 

Well, I poo-pooed him. Then he said something that made it click for me.  

He said, "If it was your imagination why didn't she come play with you at your new house?"

Hmmm....

So there ya have it. So many asked these questions.

I hope I answered them. Now I know a good many of you will think I am bat shit crazy too. Perhaps both. (smirk smirk) 

If more questions drop me an email, this is a bit much for the blog don'tcha think?

Happy Saturday

I was watching the Colbert show on Thursday night and he made me laugh when he told us how his parents told him about the birds and the bees. 

It went like this, "DON'T"

Yep, that is how I got it too. 

Colbert has a Colbert Questionaire - He gave these to Andre 3000, yeah I don't know him either. He's a rapper.

C'mon play along and answer them with me.

1. Best Sandwich 

    me: Rueben (although I have a very close 2nd it was a tough decision) 

2. What is your first concert

    me: Three Dog Night. Wasn't even old enough to drive.

3. Scariest Animal 

    me: CATS (house)

4. Apples or Oranges

    me: Apples

5. What Happens When You Die

    me: I can only say what I hope it will be cuz I don't know for certain.

6. Favorite Action Movie

    me: NONE!

7. Window or Aisle

    me: window so I can lean on the window, but now that a window/door          blew out I may have to rethink this.

8. Favorite Smell

    me: my husband's neck

9. Least Favorite Smell

    me: Cigarettes!

10. Earliest Memory

      me: Somewhere between 3/4 My imaginary friend who I played                    with until I moved out of that house. Who I no longer believe was                 imaginary.  But I told y'all that story I think.

11. Cats or Dogs

      me: DOGS (see above)

12. You've got to listen to one song for the rest of your life, what is it?

       (not on a loop, just when you listen to music, that's the song)

      me:  I don't know too many to choose from, this was difficult for me.

13. What number am I thinking of?

      It's just a trick question thrown in here. 😁

14.  Describe the rest of your life in 5 words.

       me: Healthy, Happy, and with Rick

Okay c'mon, let me have 'em.    

Continuing our Old Theme - The Beatles 60th

After watching the above clip it made me feel very old again.

When the Beatles were on Sullivan I was 7 years old.

It was a Sunday. I remember that. My Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins were over as was the case. You know the big Italian Meal. Then they played cards etc.

We kids were running around. 

When Ed came on my cousin Lynette who was 5 years older than me was screaming and being what I thought was crazy in our living room. 

The Uncles came running in because they thought someone was hurt.

Nope, it's just Lynette screaming at the Beatles. 

But as I grew up so did the Beatles and I was a fan.

They were the soundtrack to my youth.

When Harry Smith in the above clip shows and holds a transistor radio that brings back a slew of happy memories. I remember my first one was a hand-me-down from my Aunt who was 12 yrs older than me. I did not care, it was mine.

Yes only AM radio but I didn't care. FM wasn't that big a deal then.

Growing up in Erie PA my favorite radio station was CKLW in Windsor Ontario.

If memory serves me it was 800 on your AM dial. I could look it up if I wasn't so lazy but you get the idea. It was just all the music of the day, pop music. 

But in those days radio wasn't segregated. It was Motown, Rock, Pop, Folk, etc all on one station.  And this station had it all. 

Yes, locally we had a good pop radio station (WJET/just JET to the kids) but I could hear everything first on the Canadian station before it came to Erie. I also heard music I never heard in Erie so this was my station as it was most of my friends. 

I wonder if that Candian station is even around today? 

Back to the Beatles. 

Oh, how my father made a fuss over their hair. I do recall that big time. 

Anything I thought was cool, fun, or hip my father was against and I couldn't do it, have it, or go see it. I made money babysitting. I hated babysitting and only did it so I could buy records. Then at 14, I got a job picking strawberries for a summer. 

I have always had jobs and as a kid, a lot of it went to albums and clothes.

Some albums I would have to hide from my father. After John Lennon made a remark about the Beatles and Jesus he forbade those records in our home.

I hid them when he wanted to remove them all from our home. Oh yes, he was a fun Dad back in the day. 

That transistor radio in the clip was my friend. I took it everywhere. 

If I rode my bike, it was in the basket. I went to bed and it was hidden under my pillow and then when the parents left my room I'd listen to CKLW to sleep. 

So as Harry Smith said in the above clip, today it's kids and their phones, back then it was kids and their transistors. 

I had never thought of it that way, but I think he's right.

More Old People Stories

Speaking of Home Depot...

When Rick's company was shutting down, he was obviously losing his job. He was pounding the pavement for months!  He applied for an HR position within Home Depot. 

He needed something. It was for an HR Mgr. While he was a VP of HR, we just needed money coming into the house and a job is a job, right?  Besides, he wanted less stress, and being an HR mgr would definitely give him less stress. (Mind you I was laid off 6 months prior and pounding the pavement too)

He had a phone interview first. Then they called him with a scheduled interview.

He arrived a few minutes early. He sat for 20 minutes. He was ignored. He kept telling them he was there for an interview. Finally, a woman comes out to greet him. 

She laughed and said, "My day has just gotten away from me."  Rick was seething but let it go because damn it he needed a job. So he smiled and said that he sure understood that.

He got into her office and her desk was a nightmare he said. Papers everywhere.

Then she couldn't find his application. He gave her another copy of his resume and she said, don't need it, I need the application. So she moved papers and spilled a pop can on her papers. She excused herself and went to look for it or God knows what.

She returns and says, she doesn't have it and laughs. 

Rick asks if we can move on. She said sure. She asked some questions as did he. 

Then someone comes in and tells her she is wanted on the floor.

She excuses herself and leaves him there.

He waits and waits. It was just at the point where he thought I couldn't work for this nutjob and was about to walk out when she returned.

She asked Rick some more questions and asked if he could start on a particular day and he said yes.  Then she took a personal call. 

He said he thought his head would explode. 

He gathered his things and stood up and she told her friend she was giggling with on the phone to hold. She asked where he was going. He said, "Home"

She asked why. He told her if you are this unprofessional when interviewing and attempting to put your best foot forward I can't work for you. Good Luck.

And he walked out. 

He came home apologizing up one side and down the other for walking out because he knew he'd get hired if she got around to it in the so-called interview.  

I so remember this conversation. A bunch of apologies for telling me the above story. I said, "I know you, you'd never last there and you'd come home and I'd get the brunt of it so I think you did the right thing. We'll figure this out"

So Home Depot is bad every which way to me now.

Enough of them -

I saw another doctor and this one did not make me cry. 

I thought this was my hip because that is where the pain started but it's my spine.

My left leg is numb and tingling most of the day and night. That's fun.

I went to an ortho in November. He said my hips looked great, especially for my age. Okay, then why the pain?  He said I had bursitis on my left hip and it hurt like hell to even touch it. He gave me a cortisone shot and I went to PT as recommended. It got far far worse after that. I couldn't stand up straight, walk far, or sleep on my tummy, side, or back. Which meant I couldn't sleep.

It got so bad that I called the doctor back to see if I could see him again. They said I could but in April. I couldn't wait until April, I begged and said sorry, you can go to the ortho urgent care. Knowing full well that is useless I just continued to cry and eat ibuprofen like pez. I went to my portal and booked a different doctor in the practice. They called to tell me they canceled that appointment because I was Dr. H's patient. WHAT?  I'm in so much pain and you won't let me see another doctor. Well, that was correct. I was pissed.

I then made an appointment with a doctor at Raleigh Ortho.  I don't care for this place, went once but I really wanted help. I made said appointment and got this young whipper snapper who made me cry. He knew this was my 2nd opinion and assumed I wanted opioids. He walked out after telling me there was nothing wrong with my hips. He did prescribe an anti-inflammatory that did absolutely nothing for me.(but I got a blog post of the gymnastic toilet climb)

I came home and said I guess I have to deal with this. But each day it was worse. It's hard to care for someone else when you are in such enormous pain. Rick insisted I go to Duke. So I called Duke. I asked for the soonest appointment. I got in but I had to drive up to Wake Forest. Yuk. Not to Wake Forest, I love Wake Forest and wish I could afford to live there, but the drive, etc. Sitting in the car for an hour each way is not exactly painless.

Today was the day. I swore if he tells me I want opioids I am going to turn into Karen. I thought if I said that first, I was not here for drugs, but to get well, he may not be that accusatory.  What a world of difference. He was so kind. He really listened. We went over my X-rays. We discussed how the pain and numbness have changed and progressed. He was convinced this was my spine.

Funny, that is what Rick's PT, Derek, told me. Derek called yesterday to say he was leaving this PT practice and going to work at a Neuroscience in Duke which is closer to his home in Durham. He asked about my hip. I told him what was going on and he said, "I am not a doctor but this is presenting itself as a spinal issue, please try that kind of doctor." Smarty Pants was right. I'm telling you this guy is terrific.

But I digress...

The doctor today showed me where the spinal stenosis was taking place and causing this nerve pain and numbness down my left leg. He suggested a Med Pack and then a shot (corticosteroid) at the Piedmont Spine Clinic/Duke.  The doctor sent in a referral and I am awaiting the call to get scheduled. 

I hope it's not a long wait. I'm losing my mind. Last night I didn't even sleep a full hour at a time. I can't whine or complain, Rick is the one who is allowed to do that. But in the meantime, it is difficult to care and do the things I need to do.

I've had several back surgeries and I am certain this contributes to a lot of this and the lack of space between the discs especially when he shows me where the issue is on the x-ray. So there ya have it. 

We are not doing much because I can't. But Rick is out of pain, his cortisone shot did him a world of good. He was told by the man who gave him this shot that he sees this a lot when someone gets a pacemaker. The tissue is moved and a pocket is made for the pacemaker and it's pissed. It was moved and manipulated and it's angry and becomes inflamed. He told Rick his was severely inflamed and Rick said he already knew by the pain and the other doctor who sent him there. 

So there ya have it. An old people update you didn't ask for.

I hope that we are back to 'normal' here soon. I hope to then sleep for 12 hrs.

Zzzzzz......😴

What to Feel Old?

Do you know how to feel old? 

Oh, sure you can look in the mirror or listen to your knees snap crackle & pop but better yet, just watch the Grammys.

I did not watch them live. I waited until I could watch them and fast forward.

As a typical boomer, I Fast Forward and/or say things like, who's this, who's that? Oh God no, not rap.

So I FF and stopped when I saw someone I'd like to see.

I really like what I called a Female Anthem song by Mylie Cyrus called Flowers. Just love that song. She won single of the year for that song and performed it. Not what you'd think would be my genre.

Read the lyrics to that song. Yep, a female anthem.

I am not a Swiftie and don't care for her music, again not my genre. But I admire the shit out of that woman. I saw she won a lot and only listened to one speech. Nice.

Annie Lennox, Stevie Wonder, and John Batiste doing the In-Memoriam. 

They slayed it.

I stopped when I saw JayZ with his daughter on the podium. Not because I like him or his music. I wanted to see his daughter. I couldn't believe how big and beautiful she had gotten. 

Once again he whined about his wife not getting an award while on the podium. This is not the time or the place. Just shut up. Be gracious, take your statue you won, and sit down. Honestly!

That was not worth stopping for just to see his daughter.

Then I saw Tracy Chapman. Oh, how I loved her back in the day. Apparently, a country singer has just covered her song and made a hit for himself. They did a duet of said song. I loved it!!

Then I saw Joni Mitchell who sang from a chair. She had a brain aneurysm and taught herself to sing again. It was lovely! She is 80 now. The song holds up to me. She sang Both Sides Now with Brenda Carlisle.

I also stopped to watch a bit of Fantasia singing a tribute to Tina Turner. She sang Proud Mary and did a good job. Hard to top Tina though.

Then my favorite, Billy Joel.  He sang his first new song in 30 years. It's a heartbreaking song but I loved it. 

So my version of the Grammys took 30 minutes tops.  

But boy it made me feel old. 

Cicadas & Home Depot

 A couple of different thoughts here today.

*Cicadas.

I find these little (actually big) bugs disgusting. The last time they were out we lived in Northern VA. It was like they were raining cicadas. The sidewalks were covered and you couldn't avoid them. Crack, click. Ooooh so gross. They are on their way apparently. Do you have cicadas that show up everywhere in the US?  The last time they were around was 17 years ago. I had hoped to never see them again in my lifetime. Not looking forward to this spring. To me, they look like cockroaches. Shiver

*Home Depot vs Lowes

Rick sold our tractor lawn mower. Whew. With some of the money, we opted to buy a new grill since ours died. It was 12 yrs old, it was time. 

Even though Weber kept telling us we may just need parts. Nope too far gone.  We went that route 2 years ago.
So, we picked out the one we wanted. 
You see our original grill came with grates where the center was a circle that came out. The grill came with a Wok, a pizza stone, and a two-sided handle cast iron pan. 
We use all 3 all the time. We grill all the time, year-round. Then when you are done you just put the circular grate back in if you are doing dogs, burgers, and the like. 

We thought that since the grill grates were in fabulous shape, and just needed cleaning, if we could find a grill with the same measurements, we could use these again. Because now they only make these types of grates on a big model for way more money.  We measured the inside grate area. We went online and did our due diligence. We found them less expensive at Home Dept. (no Weber stores here) So off we went.
 
We saw the 3-burner model we were interested in with the tag hanging from the handle saying $499. Just like online. 
That was $70 less than everywhere else.
So, we looked everything over. Rick had his tape measure. Yep, this is going to work. 
We went to the customer service desk because there was no one to help us and we told them we wanted to purchase this grill.  Is there free delivery and free Assembly we asked. Yes, they said without ever looking up at us.  
We purchased it, and they said it would be delivered on Saturday afternoon. In one day? Heck, we thought that was great.
 
Friday night when we got home, I pulled out our Home Depot Receipt. It said we paid for a Weber 215. That is only 2 burners and with a much smaller grilling area.
I called them to avoid going back up there. 
The gentleman told me that was what I paid for. 
I explained what we thought we bought and why. 
He said, "Nope”. He didn’t care to listen to me .”Do you wish to cancel this delivery for tomorrow?"  
"Yes, I do. Please just refund me."
"Okay, I'll do this right now."
"Thank you."
 
Rick and I decided to go back up to Home Depot on Saturday morning. 
I could see they hadn't refunded me, and I figured it best to just go and make sure they do refund us. 
Since I couldn't sleep I got myself together and went at 8am without Rick. 
I went straight to the model we looked at. 

The tag read $499. What the heck?

I then proceed to go to the customer service desk.
I explained the situation and showed them the receipt. 
They insisted that is what I paid for.
I insisted that is not what is on the floor. I asked them to come to the grill section (20 feet away) and see what I was talking about, please.
She looked at it and she said, "Yeah?"
I said, "Do you see the grill is a 3 burner?"
"So? You paid for a 2 burner. This isn't what you paid for."
"Do you see the price on the tag hanging from this lid handle?"
“Yea"
"So you have the wrong price on this grill then is what you're telling me?"
“I guess”
I said, "How about we find someone who knows for certain please"
Rolls her eyes and walks away to get this older gentleman.
He comes over. I handed him my receipt. I explain.
He says, "Oh no,  you bought this one over here"
I said, "NO I bought this one we are in front of. Do you see the price tag?"
"Hmm.. Guess we put the wrong item number on this grill.  It rang up the item number for the 2 burner."
"Will you then honor this mistake YOU made?"
He laughs, "Ah, no. It doesn't work like that. We use this item number"
I tried some more. 
He was adamant that while it was their mistake I was not going to get the one for $70 more dollars from them.
"Okay fine, may I get a full refund?" 
He fucking SIGHED, very loudly, you guys as if I was the difficult one. I'm angry now. 
He wasn't even nice about any of this. It was THEIR FAULT.
I said, "I don't appreciate that sigh, I did nothing wrong, you are treating me as if I did"
He apologized. It was not heartfelt but I took it.
I asked if he was going to remove that tag. He said eventually.
I got my refund and came home. I'd bet that tag is still on the wrong grill.
 
When I arrived home Rick was still not awake. I went to the computer and viewed the Webers on Lowes. The same one, in stock, noted the aisle number and bay, and headed off to Lowes.
I could not find the model I was looking for. A man working in the area asked if he could help me. I told him the model of the grill I was interested in. He showed me and then went over options etc. I explained that I did not bring my tape measure and asked if he could measure this for me so I was certain I was not buying the wrong one. He laughed and said he wished others would measure that saves a lot of hassle with refunds. The measurements were perfect. I told him I wanted it and he asked me to follow him to the end of the aisle where a computer was located. He looked up something and handed me a piece of paper to bring to customer service with this item number on it. I thanked him and went to customer service.
 
I got to the customer service desk and she was so pleasant. She apologized for making me wait. (all of 2 minutes) No biggie to me.

I asked if I got free delivery and assembly. She said you do over a certain price. Let me double-check for you.
Yes, you do get both free of charge. She said I see you have a Lowes charge card do you wish to use it, because we can give you 5% off today with the charge card?  Now I had no plans to charge it but I'll take the few bucks off. I'll go home and pay the charge card with my money online. She explained delivery times and asked what worked best for me.
What number to call me when they are on their way etc.

I left there happy. I had such a different experience. Everyone was so helpful and pleasant. I immediately came home and went online to see that it was already on my charge statement, so I paid it. So really, I didn't charge a thing but I got a few bucks off. We get the grill on Wednesday the 7th. There will be some meat on that grill on Wednesday night!

Later that day Rick took the old grates out back and scrubbed the hell out of them with wire brushes and easy off. They look brand new. He hauled the old grill to the curb and before he was halfway up our driveway a truck came by and took it. I don't know why they'd want a grill with no grates but hey it was better than us having to pay extra for our garbage man to take them. So it all worked out.

Guess who won't be going up to Home Depot again?

Larry David, Loudermilk and Me

The above title is the holy trinity of cranky ole curmudgeons.

I recall in the 1980s we hired this cute bubbly young woman right out of college. We loved her effervescence, her great customer service to our customers, her constant smile, and her patience with people like only a young person who hasn't dealt with the world/public yet can have. 

We adored her.

Every time I would mutter, "Oh, how I dislike people!" 

She would laugh at me and say, "Oh Peggy, you do not!"

She sincerely believed what she was saying.  

I understood where she was coming from. 

I am a smiley, giggling, extrovert. 

I get the assumption. While that is a part of me, underneath that exterior I'm just a big curmudgeon at heart even at the young age of 35 as I was when I met her. I'm Loudermilk and Larry David only I don't say these things out loud as they do. I think them. I say them when I get home. 

I just don't do it to people's faces...yet. 

And it's not like it's a southern thing that I've noticed around here. 

You know what that is, where people just lie to your face or give you a saccharine sweet southern Fuck you, by saying Bless Your Heart. 

I just smile and walk away. I won't ever lie but I'll be nice. 

I'll talk shit when I get in my car or to my husband or on my blog.

Fast forward to today and this young woman is no longer an employee but a dear friend and she knows all these facets of me and so gets it. 

I do believe she understands me even more after life has thrown the proverbial shit at her as life does. Hey, life does that to a person after 36 years.

I just wish I could have made money off my curmudgeon ways as Larry David and the writers of Loudermilk have. 

Driving Mister Rick

I never had children but today made me think that what I did and felt was what parents feel like when they are teaching their 15/16 yr old to drive. 

Rick was driving today. I pulled over and let him have a go at it. 

It made me so nervous. I was holding my breath. 

I felt he was hugging the yellow line. I'd tell him and he'd move over.

It was so tough for me. We will do more again tomorrow. He wants his freedom back and I don't blame him. 

I told him, "You know when you wish to drive to go to Home Depot or something I'm going to want to go with you for a while, don't you?  

He laughed and said, "Oh I know!"

I will be a wreck when he goes out on his own.  

At least he is understanding of how I'm feeling.

I realized that not only does the stroke survivor have PTSD so does the occupant of his car who was with him on that awful day.

Rick has made HUGE strides in the last month. Huge. 

He looks like his old self. It like turned on a dime. I wrote a few weeks ago and he's advanced so much since even then. 

His speech is off a bit and he talks out of one side of his mouth it looks like. Other than that you would never know he had a stroke.  

There are invisible issues that we both know but most would never know. 

He is out in the workshop again. That is slow going but he's doing it.

The only thing that really bothers him now is his cognitive issues. 

While his left leg is a bit wonky it's not a big deal. 

And the Stroke Fatigue is minimal now. 

So he is not napping all day, which is good and bad for Margaret. LOL. 

He was reading this manual the other morning and he got so frustrated he threw it. I saw it fly across the room and asked what the hell that was about.

He said he was frustrated and needed to do that, sorry.

I said it was A-OK since it was just a manual, I get it, his frustration that is.

He said he imagines this is what ADD is like. So he calls himself Cantaloupe Boy. He is a smart man and he knows what he could do easily and it just frustrates him so much.  I get it.  But at least now he makes jokes and he no longer gets angry. Whew. He is far more mellow since the stroke and I don't mind that at all.  

Seriously, I am so proud of how hard he has worked and how far he has gotten. A friend who lives nearby, a blogger friend, had a more minor stroke than Rick and she's a good many years younger and not doing so well.

Like Rick she is stubborn. She refused to go to rehab and stay in a hospital. They come to her home. I would guess that she too is not self-motivated like Rick, so she isn't getting in all the time she needs to do therapies. 

When I asked why she didn't go to Rehab she said there was no way she was going to stay in a hospital for 2-4 weeks. Now it could have been money and she didn't wish to share that. Boy, I get that for certain! But I wish she could have gone.

Rick didn't know he had a choice to not go. I didn't tell him. When the case manager and I talked she gave me options. She told me what my insurance would pay etc. We had the option to do at-home therapy but I know Rick well enough to know that would never get him moving. And it wouldn't be every day. He is not self motivated and he will admit that to you. So when she or he wasn't there to do these exercises with him he wouldn't on his own. If I tried to make him it would make him angry at that time at me.

I chose the rehab in the hospital where he was currently residing. 

It was just another arm of the hospital. This way the same doctors etc. 

No one would have to learn how Rick got here, or what he needed, they already knew. 

I never discussed this with Rick, we all just told him that was just the next step in his recovery until now...until the other night.

That rehab hospital is what got Rick where he is. They got him up early and he began therapies at 7:30am. He had speech, PT and OT. 

Every day he had all 3 for never less than an hour each. Usually more. 

They made him do all sorts of things that he would moan and complain about. But even he knows that is what helped him. 

He has said it himself many times.

She is so far behind where Rick is. Someone comes to her home and they don't have the equipment to bring to your home, not all of it, so it's like it's half of what she needs if that much.

The other night as we sat out on the patio like the pre-stroke days we discussed all this. 

We talked about his time in the hospital. He was in Neuro ICU then ICU then a hospital room and then the rehab hospital. 

He told me about what he heard, saw, and felt when he couldn't communicate with anyone. How disappointed he was when I didn't arrive by 8am. Or how his eyes could be closed but when I walked in he 'felt' what he called my happy energy and he would open his eyes because he was so excited I arrived.  I, of course, did not know any of this. 

He never said a word. 

I was there every day between 7:30a and 8am and if I was late he said he would be bummed out. I'm glad I did that and also glad in a way I didn't know that is how he felt. When his crazy sister was here she didn't seem to understand why I felt the need to be there so early. I told her the doctor was there at that time and I would like to talk to him and discuss changes etc. She was busy doing her hair and I would be flipping out inside. Now to hear him tell me he liked me being there so early made me feel good and that I was doing the right thing for him. 

Rick shared with me that one day in the rehab hospital he was so wiped out by 90 minutes of physical therapy and then 60 minutes of occupational therapy and when they brought him to his room he began to dose off. His speech therapist came in and saw him asleep (but he wasn't asleep yet but his eyes were closed) and he heard her say to the nurse, "Ah just let him sleep I see he's been to PT so he is probably very tired" and they left. 

He said that he chuckled to himself and was happy he fooled them and then napped for hours. The little shit. That made me laugh. 

I saw some of those grueling PT sessions, like pulling a big weight up an inclined walkway by a strap tied around his waist. Doing that walk when he could barely walk without it was intense. 

I watched that day and when he stopped mid-way, Nunzio asked, "Why are you stopping Rick?"

Rick replied, "Because I had a stroke Nunzio"  Nunzio was a hoot and he laughed and said, "I don't care, mister, move it "  He was a real taskmaster with a heart of gold. Rick loved the guy but he didn't make it easy for Rick. 

When I told Rick on this evening on the patio that he had a choice to go home, but I made him go to the rehab hospital and explained why. 

He actually laughed and said you are so right, I wouldn't have pushed through the pain if there wasn't someone pushing me. He told me that I made the correct choice. He thanked me. Even though I felt it was the best choice for him I was glad to hear he thought so too. 

There were days I told him that I knew he wanted to sleep in rehab but he would not sleep if I was there. He always wanted me by his bed and he'd hold my hand and he'd talk or we'd watch TV. But I'd see him doing head bobs and I'd think I should go or he won't sleep so I would tell him I had to leave. He laughed when I shared this. He told me I was right, I didn't want to sleep if you were there and I didn't want you to leave. I wanted you to sleep there too.  

Rick is really opening up about his view of this whole damn experience. 

It's been good for us both. Therapy of sorts. Now that he is no longer going to rehab he goes to the gym.  But now his shoulder is so painful we need to get that fixed and then he'll be almost as good as new. After the gym on Tuesday, his shoulder hurt even more and he said he was going to wait until it was better.  He gets a shot in his shoulder Tuesday of next week. 

I can't wait for that for him. I assume a cortisone shot since the pain is all enormous inflammation. 

All his doctors told me at the very beginning was that he'd be 90% to 100% at 1 year. I never believed them seeing him as he was then.

Now neither of us thinks 100% is realistic but you know what, 90% is pretty damn good and we'll take it.

Now if only I could get over this driving stuff. 

But he doesn't want me to be Driving Miss Daisy as he says, so I must let go.

Mentally I very much understand his need for his freedom. 

Physically I long for a day when I'm not in the damn car.

BUT, It's not easy...at least for me. And it's all about me, right?