Monday

I am living this. 
My husband is seeing this for the first time. 
He has heard this shit from me for over 30 years.  
I am not a fan of doctors. I find them filled with a God complex. 
Men doctors don't understand women. Years ago I got fed up going to men doctors because everything to them was an emotional thing if you were sick. Women are emotional apparently only men get sick.

I went to Johns Hopkins for the back & leg pain I was experiencing around 2000.
I had a herniated disc but I did not know this at the time.
The doctor took one look at me and saw that I needed to lose 20lbs.
He said, Go home, push yourself away from the table and exercise.
And he left the room.
I cried. I got dressed. I went home and called another doctor.
I got in within a week - she did an MRI, I had a herniated disc and had surgery within a week of the MRI.

I want to add that my husband has a serious belly of late.
Not one doctor has ever every told him that he needed to lose weight and ignored his symptoms. Not one doctor ever! 

I went to a male doctor about why my belly was distended like I was pregnant and why was I having all this pain? He said lose weight. 2nd doctor (female) said she thought I had a fibroid mass and that it would go away in menopause. I said that could be another 15 years. I am to live with this pain and my distended belly for another 15 years? She nodded and left the room. I went to a 3rd and final doctor. I saw this doctor on the ABC docu-series Johns Hopkins 24/7. I liked his bedside manner and his style and qualifications. He indeed said it was a large fibroid. He gave me 3 options. I chose number 3 and out it came.

They anticipated a certain amount of time for the surgery and they told Rick all of this. When the time went by he was getting a bit worried. Someone finally came out and told him what was going on. Yes, it was a fibroid tumor, it was hiding some of itself around my organs and was very difficult to remove. She told Rick they should be done in another hour and the doctor will come out to update you. The doctor came out and told Rick it was 7.5lbs (that's a baby and she wanted me to wait for 15 yrs?) 
He told Rick all the complications the biggest being that it didn't want to leave my body and the doctor had to really push down on me to yank at this thing. I was going to be very black and blue down there and sore. But it's out and it will be tested but they believed it was just a benign fibroid. Thankfully it was. 

Those 3 doctors were in 3 years. I always waited because I honestly thought maybe they are right and I'm just a big fat baby.
But when my clothes were getting tighter around my belly, the same slacks I wore 2 days before that fit now don't even come close. 
Sadly he died. He was only in his early 40's. He was jogging and didn't come back to the house in the morning and his wife went looking for him and saw him on the side of the road. He was one of the best doctors I have ever been to. 

I went to a doctor on time with my list of symptoms and he kept saying you really take pilates classes?  He questioned me on everything. 
They sat down and said, "I think you just need to push yourself away from the table and you'll feel better. Just lose a bit of weight"
I began to cry and got off the table to get dressed. He turned and got something out of a cupboard. He handed me an enormous box of an antidepressant Efexor.
I looked at this sitting in my hand and now my crying turned to ANGER.
I said to him as I put it on the table - I do not want this, I am not crying because I am depressed, I am crying because you are NOT LISTENING TO ME!  This is not about my weight.
He poo-pooed me. 
I left them there, I did not want drugs, I wanted help and a diagnosis.

A few months later I found my current doctor. I had hypothyroidism and she figured it out in minutes by my symptoms. I then had blood work to confirm.
She didn't say, lost those 20lbs and you'll be fine. 
Now she understood my difficulty to lose them.

I have a ton of these stories.

I am currently in mind-numbing pain. I can't leave my house. I can't drive, I can barely walk. But I can bug you all when my dog's medication kicks in.
Sadly since they give me no pain meds I need something to function to this point.
So I am taking my dog's ACL surgery medication. 
Is it good for this kind of pain? No, but it takes the edge off since they won't give me anything.
I did sleep last night for 1.5 hrs. That is upright in a chair. But it was sleep.
I can't wait to return to my bed. I plan to sleep for 10 hrs.

The other thing I have noticed is if you have a serious disease and you smile and you can walk others think you are fine and then they don't believe your pain is that bad or real. I'm working on trying to figure that out.

But as Wanda Skyes says right here on the video bring a white boy.
I am bringing Rick of late and boy he doesn't take this shit well.
He keeps saying that it's amazing how shitty I am treated and he can't believe I don't speak up more. I tell him it only makes them less kind to me.
Remember Rick no longer has a filter as he did 30 yrs ago. He just says what he feels out loud and I normally hate it but lately, his non-fliter has been a blessing.

Over the weekend I saw 1 episode of the Netflix documentary Diagnosis.
The first episode was of a young woman who had similar issues with her muscles. She could walk though, not well, but well enough. I watched this show with Rick and we felt and understood every single roadblock she was facing. 
Lucky for her to go to Italy and get all this medical work for free.  
I wish I could do that. They did find what was wrong with her and while it is a genetic and rare disease. She was never given a test like this after all her years of going from dr to dr. She is claiming bankruptcy to get her through all the medical bills.  That is sad but I understand so much of what I am doing is out of pocket. Painful in another way. I'm glad she was chosen because this poor woman needed help and her life was not really a life. I am living that and I watched and thought gee could I get on this show for help? The narcissistic bitch that I am. It's all about me.😛

I am off for another IV of goodies today at 2:30p.
I have a doctors appointment tomorrow - rick has the day off now to take me and sit with me in the office. I know nothing will get by tomorrow with a big ole white guy with me.

Hope you are all having a fun Monday with good weather. It's too hot to be outside for the next 3 days. 103 is not for humans with his humidity!

I learned not to take a photo from this angle. Doesn't my arm look huge? I showed Rick and I won't share what body part he suggested he try because it will look big from that angle then. Men!

 As I sat in the room getting this IV they gave me things to read and I saw this and it made me laugh out loud.

 

Someone sent this to me this weekend. This is from 2009. I guess the puppy was exhausted and so was his playmate. This picture just makes me smile.

Humina, Humina, Humina

Did you see my boyfriend last night?
I watched it last night because well,  I don't sleep.
And for the short time he was on I didn't feel pain.
Or if only that were true. But he did make me happy.

I watched it this morning with Rick.
Rick said he looked over at me and I was grinning from ear to ear.
Busted.  I guess one shouldn't get all giddy about one's boyfriend in front of one's spouse. Pfff....



I absolutely loved the story about trumps former attorney Cohen meeting Gerard and tell him his favorite movie. Gerry saw the humor in that as did the rest of us. I think most of you will enjoy that exchange.

I don't like many of his movies so I haven't seen a great many. 
My nieces were visiting on a spring break several years ago. 
They chose the movie for we girls to see after shopping and dinner.
I did not want to go to this movie but I did. (law abiding citizen)

My nieces were on both sides of me and there I am in the middle with my eyes closed most of the time. Then both nieces at the same time whisper to me, "Aunt Peggy he's naked" Of course I opened my eyes, lift my head to see his hiney. Yep, he's naked. They take good care of their Auntie.  They couldn't wait to tell Uncle Rick! 

Have a good weekend.

Some Updates

If you recall last Sept after we returned home from our labor day vacation Izzy got very seriously ill from blue green algae. 

If you watch the news or are on social media this epidemic is hard to miss.
Great Lakes, small lakes and ponds. Dogs are dying within 30 minutes.

Thankfully Izzy was in it for less than 5 minutes because for some unknown reason it hit me that this was not a good thing. It told Rick we were leaving and he could stay. He was poo-pooing me but went along with me like a smart man.
And sadly I was right.

We are headed to the same lake on the 31st.
Keeping Izzy out of water is impossible and difficult. Even puddles.
I am very worried.
I know we won't go up that arm near the farmland that is for certain but this is going to be a worrisome vacation that is for certain. Let alone how it can kill a human as well. Minor detail.
____________________________
I'm still very sick. Who knows if I'll even be able to take a vacation.
But having some sun on my face would feel good and being there sick or here sick, I'll pick the water every chance I get.
After the steroid pack for my disc finished I was feeling darn good.
And it had a side effect or it was a coincidence that it made the muscles go back to normal. (yea they are trying to figure out which)
Then on Friday, I felt it begin to return, by Saturday night I was a stone statue again.

I am not exaggerating when I say this is so fucking painful that I would give this to no one, okay except trump, because I would never want anyone to feel this kind of mind-numbing pain. 
Eyelashes falling out from the pain. If they don't figure this out I can't go on living like this. This is not a life and I won't live like this!

I can not sleep, nor do I for more than 30-60 minutes at a time. 
I am very tired.
I have not eaten much and coffee tastes like shit.
I can not move my body except below my hips.
I can not twist on a toilet - so think about that for a minute. That's been fun.
Thankfully no food in means none out. 
I can not move my head from side to side to see anything.
My head hurts to brush my hair. Yes, I look like shit
I am a human pin cushion with bruises up my arm like I'm abused.

I went to a pain clinic this week and got an IV of magnesium and I think it was called glutathione. Within 24 hrs the muscle began to loosen. By the next morning, I could move my right shoulder up and down. HUGE difference.
The right side has seemed to loosen a bit more than the left. 
But it is 50% better.
I see another doctor on Tuesday. 
We will go over more blood work that has been done.
I wish someone knew what this was, why it is happening and how to make it stop. I'm hoping the other 50% will leave me as well. I am set up for another IV injection for next Friday. Here's to be better by then and then only doing it for maintenance.

While at the Pain clinic I had this very old woman staring at me.
I was standing at the check-in desk and she was to my left.
Her area was the checkout desk.

Two things you need to know. I looked like shit and felt like shit. 2, I am not normally cranky when sick. But this pain is making me a roaring bitch.
I did not understand this woman staring at me.
As I said I knew I looked like shit. I can't do my hair so I put on a baseball cap.
I attempt a little mascara etc. Nothing much. Trying to look like I am living and not dead yet.  I put on a T-shirt and a pair of shorts and sneakers. Obviously, nothing fancy but I was clean and I could not understand why she was staring at me. I would move my whole body so I could see her. Because I am in an enormous amount of pain and I am a big cranky wench I almost asked her what the hell she was staring at when she touched my arm and said, "Can you untuck your T-shirt and allow me to read the whole thing? I don't wish to stare"

Well if that didn't make me feel like shit. I was ready to get all pissy and she just wanted to read my T-shirt.  Oh my God, what pain does to you. Cranky is not my style, it's my husbands and now I had guilt about that.  
This poor woman meant no harm and just because I am in pain doesn't mean I should take it out on those around me. I didn't actually do anything I know, but I almost said something and I have to remember pain or not, be nice!

So I pulled out my shirt and held it for her to read.
She loved it! Then the women behind the desk all come out to read my t-shirt.
They all want one. I told them my husband bought it for me which to me makes it funnier. He saw it on FB. That made them like the shirt all the more.
Remember me showing you this shirt?
























Of course, I did not drive myself to this appointment Rick and Izzy came along.
Rick dropped me at the door and he and Izzy had some fun. 
I text him when I was almost done and they came back for me. 
On our drive home I was telling Rick about the old lady that in my mind was just staring at me and I was about to say something in a not so nice way. He laughed and said, "but you feel guilty now don't you? Oh, my little gal raised on Italian Catholic guilt. Let it go, trust me you'll feel better.
I don't have these issues. So what, you wanted to scream at her, you didn't though did you?  So let it go."

I seem to have to do that a lot lately - Let it Go

Super Hero

When Rick and I have these exchanges in our home he will see me grab my phone and type things.  One day there was paper and a pen in front of me so while he is talking I am putting shorthand down to paper.   The other day (during the Salma exchange) he asked who I was texting. 
I said I'm not texting. He asked if I was typing our conversation for my blog. Yep. 
Well, make me look good instead of foolish this time.
I told him I never MAKE him look foolish he does that on his own.

So if you wondered how I can remember....I can't. I type immediately after or while it's happening  - I can see where this is going. Even if it's just two words on a paper I will remember it all from that. 
More often than not I will ask him is this how it went? 
He will laugh and say yes but again I look the fool.
Well...

You get your own blog and you can make yourself a brilliant superhero babe!!

Hearing

Here is the segment about the new law with hearing aids.
Everyone had questions - I only know what I saw here.
But I will get one next year over the counter and save myself  $8000 which was my last quote. That was cheaper than the 6K per ear I was originally told.  I asked the man if I heard him correctly, no pun intended, but $12,000?????  He calmly said yes.
I laughed knowing I didn't need to hear that badly.

CBS Sunday Morning

Sunday morning we made a fancy-schmancy coffee from our new fancy-schmancy coffee maker for each of us and went to the patio
The weather was a bit cool (the 60s) with very low humidity. We wanted to take advantage of the wonderful weather.

We stayed outside from 6a - 9a. 
We went inside to watch our favorite show, CBS Sunday Morning at 9am.

There was a story about hearing aids. I did not know that a law had been passed so in 2020 they can sell them over the counter. No audiologist, no doctor.

Rick: If we buy these what will you have to write about on your blog when you hear me correctly.?

Me: ...tee hee damn good question. I'm sure dementia will fall into this somehow.

Rick: oh yeah, who the hell are you?

Me: Salma Hayek.

Rick: Ah, save that for when I am very confused, I still know you're not Selma.

Me: but you're Gerard Butler aren't you?

Rick: I most certainly am, but I just lost all my money.

Me: well I still like you poor.

Rick: wth? you are sick, you need to delve into why the hell you'd take Butler as a poor guy.

Me: The same reason I love you numb nut.

And he thought he could match wits with me. Silly, silly,  man

He Was Late!

C'mon look at this face. This is a female who is pissed!

Rick comes home from work and he immediately takes Izzy swimming.

She knows this drill. Before he showers, before he changes, swimming must commence!

Rick gets home around the same time daily. 

Yesterday he had a hair cut appointment with the gal I call his girlfriend.

She is cute, blonde, stacked and funny. His favorite kind of gal.

I met her and thought, Oh my God it's not how she does his hair, it's her.

I said that to Rick and he said, "my hair? yeah, that's not why I go to her"

So you are telling your wife you go to this woman to cut your hair because she is so damn cute. A few years older than your daughter I might add.

Yep, that is why Margaret. (He is cracking himself up) 

Anyone can do a great job on my hair. But to have it done by someone without a beard and that is as much fun as her, why the hell not!

She always has wine for her customers too. 

You know most women would be upset by this.

Are you? (turning to be sure I wasn't upset - he's so cute)

No. I find it funny as hell.

That is why I married you.

Good answer buddy.

Because he was at his girlfriend's getting his 14 hairs cut he was late and Izzy was not happy one bit.

So now one of his other girlfriends was really pissed!

We are slow right now as we are every August.

I took some time and went downstairs and tried to get Izzy away from staring at the door for Rick.

I tried to take her outside. She was not budging.

I tried all the words, sit on the stoop? treats? walk?

Not having any of it.  HE was late and she was royally pissed.

I got down on the floor and normally when I do that she rolls over and I give her belly rubs and we end up playing. Nope. I will not roll over lady, I want Rick!

If she could, she'd have stomped her feet.

He was 2 hrs later than normal. This picture above was her staring at the back door for 2 hrs. She did go outside and stare at the garage door for a bit but at 91 degrees it got too hot for her. So she sat under the A/C vent inside and stared at the back door. My God she is a diva.

He came home and took her swimming and all was then right with her world.

Rick and "his girls" 

Girl Stuff

I got a new bra.
I love getting new bras.
I hate paying for new bras.
On sale for only $148.
Yes, this is why it's a big deal when I get a new bra.

I have struggled with getting fitted since I was a kid.
Then a few years back I found this great brand, Prima Donna.
Excellent bras. Last a long long time and are great for anyone over a C.
You just have to do the conversion from European sizing to American sizing.
Easy Peasy. The difference sizing is only in cup sizing. I go to a great lingerie store around here and I still get fitted because as you age things change.
You know what I mean, like instead of putting your boobs in your bra, now you roll them up to be put in your bra. 😁

As I've told you all before I was a C cup by the time I was 12/6th grade.
Yes, that made me a freak.
Today kids love that stuff. I was a dorky 12 who loved watching The Monkees, going to the beach with my friends and anything to do with riding my bike and looking like Twiggy.  I was striking out on so all levels. Twiggy? Nope, not even close. I was not tall, blonde and a stick figure. To 12 yr old me I was just a loser.

Making it all worse - Boys only saw boobs so I was always hiding them.
Not well, but in my 12 yr old mind that overside sweatshirt and my arms folded over me made you not see them at all. When I wore my bikini at the beach I kept a T-shirt over my top. You can't see them through the top now, can you?
Oh, that is too funny that I actually thought the T-shirt hid everything.

I remember the line my mom used to tell me that I have shared here -
If I slouched to hide them my mom would say, "Peggy stand up straight. Slouching doesn't hide your boobs, it just makes you look like a girl with big boobs with bad posture. Shoulders back young lady."

My mom would tell me about the importance of good foundations.
'foundations' is what she called all her undergarments.
Instead of Spanx mom had a girdle. But all the same thing.
I was drilled with, "How you present yourself to the world" talks.
Didn't matter she'd tell me if I had money or I was poor.
Do the best with what you have been given and present your self in a certain way. You don't need to spend a lot, you just need proper fitting on all your clothes whether underneath or for all to see she would tell me.

My mom drilled into me the importance of being properly fitted for a bra.
To stand tall, to wear my clothes properly.
I recall the first time we went to be fitted.
We were dressed in our finery and heading to shop downtown.
That meant mom in gloves and a hat. Ah, the 60s.
We looked at bras and then after she chose a few she saw a woman and asked for her daughter to be fitted. I had no idea what this entailed.
We walked into the dressing room with bras in hand.

My mom, the saleswoman and I stood in that dressing room. I stared at this woman and in my mind, the conversation went like this, "Hey lady what the hell are you doing, can't you see that my mom and I are trying on bras for me for back to school?  Why are you still in here?"
But nothing was said until my mom told me to remove my shirt.
WITH HER IN HERE?  My mom asked the salesperson for a minute.
The woman left the dressing room. My mom said that this woman had to measure me so I was wearing the correct fitting bra.
This is her job and yada, yada, yada. Oh brother! ( I realize now how very important it is and how it does affect how your clothes fit.)

The saleswoman came in and I stood there with nothing on to my waist while they measured me and moved my boobs about in bras like I was not attached to them. We got a couple of bras and left. I was traumatized.

After my mom died I figured I would never have to do that again.
But there I was at age 14 going with my new mom to get new bras since I was quickly outgrowing all of mine. 

Side note - my parents made us say "our prayers" every night before bed. I prayed my boobs would fall off. Or just for the love of God stop growing.
My prayers were not answered.

My new mom and I went to the biggest department store in town.
We went to the lingerie counter. The woman working there was the aunt of my new mom. I was introduced. I remember seeing her at the wedding and once at our house but I didn't really know her yet at this point.
I knew the drill, the two of them come in with me and I try on bras after being measured and given bras according to what size they said I measured.

My new mom was sitting on a chair in the corner of the dressing room.
The "new aunt" was measuring me and I was looking at the ceiling to avoid eye contact while she is handling my boobs.  I catch a glimpse of my new mom who is laughing. My Aunt says, "you have one a full cup size bigger than the other"  I mumbled something. Gee lady you are killing me here.
My new mom laughed and said, "yes I see that."
Great now lets everyone point and giggle at Peggy and make her cry. 
My new Aunt said, "I'm sure when you are done growing this will all match up"....and they laughed. I prayed for a trap door to swallow me and to never be seen again.  But no, they giggled, I turned crimson. 

I was 14. My mom had died. I have a new mom. They are laughing at my boobs.
As a 14 yr. old it was all as simple as that to me. I began to cry. No one would leave me the hell alone. Finally, they left the dressing room. I got dressed, we went home with 2 new bras and did not discuss this again until I was in my late 20's. Then we all laughed. My new mom apologized for laughing. She apologized for all of it and I said, I was 14, there is nothing you could have done to make me happy during all of that so it's no big deal. But we still every now and then discuss this "event" and have a good family laugh. She feels bad and while I remember it vividly I certainly don't hold a thing against her. I understand it all. At 14, not so much.

Thankfully my boobs did "match up" as the new Aunt said they would but they never fell off.  Now they have fallen down but that's another story.

I  put on my new bra yesterday after my shower and when Rick came home I was already downstairs after work and in the kitchen.
Rick gave me a kiss and then stepped back.
"Hey, your boobs look great, get a new bra babe? "

I burst out laughing. 

"Yes, I did Rick, remember me telling you I found it on sale online?"

"Oh yeah, well, they look good babe" as he cops a feel.

Honestly Rick doesn't notice what I wear unless it smells.
I could wear the same clothes for a week - nothing would be said unless they were stinky. 
If I went from brunette to blonde he wouldn't notice unless my hair fell over my boobs.
Take off my bra and he notices.
Get a new bra and he notices.
He makes me laugh. I will never understand the fascination.
But if you've got boobs you might as well be married to a boob man.

Would you look for the same things?

Okay, this got a bunch of us talking.
The question was asked, Would you look for the same qualities in a partner or spouse today as you did when you were very young? If married just pretend you aren't and if you had to choose again would you make grand changes of what you are looking for?

That got everyone going.
I said it wouldn't matter because I am not getting on this ride again.
I wouldn't remarry.
BUT they wouldn't allow me to answer it that way.

My answer is no, I wouldn't change a thing, I would be looking for the same general qualities in a partner. 
Sure I could be flippant and say a man who knows how to make a bed and a man who listens. But what straight man does? So there is that.

I got married at age 23 to my high school sweetheart. 
I wasn't looking for anything. It was lust at age 17. 
He was new to the school. He was different. He was an athlete, he was damn cute, he was funny, funny, funny. We had fun together. 
But as we grew up we didn't want the same things anymore as we thought we would. 
We weren't on the same page by the time we were 26. 
Not the same page, not even the same book.

So for me, it was more like you're dating after a failed marriage you know what you don't want.  At least it was like that for me. 
I knew I had to have the obvious, obvious to me anyway.
Strong
Independent (no momma's boys)
Spontaneous
Fun
Kind
Big Heart
Likes to Travel
A good communicator
Same core beliefs 

I used to tell my girlfriends that you must date them for 4 seasons and take 1 trip with them before you make any major decisions. 
I told my male friends this too. (and one did  listen to me which is a whole 'nother blog post that is pretty funny)

My logic at age 27 was a trip shows a lot about a person. Delays, room mix-ups, traffic, etc. What are they like when all that happens? I went on a trip with a guy once and he was so regimented. He had an itinerary and heaven forbid should we stray. 
If I had wanted to bang his bones in the middle of the afternoon he would have none of it because it wasn't on the itinerary, we'd have to delay that gratification. Oh yes, I busted his chops about this big time, this really did happen! We were only 28 and 29 years old. Not old farts.

We couldn't eat lunch when we were done with this event (we were hungry I might add)  because his itinerary told him lunch was at 1p and it was only 12:20p.  We broke up shortly after that trip. I could never live with that.  
I know it sounds so silly but he would have driven me mad and I would have driven him crazy too. 
Me, always wanting to just get up and go with no plans. 
He was for someone else who doesn't mind walking the line. 
I color outside those lines. 
Nice man, just not for me. 
The whole trip opened my eyes big time. When we got home I saw he did a great many of the trip annoyances a lot. How did I miss them?  
I knew I did not want a man who could not be spontaneous and flexible.
He showed me that and I think I showed him that a woman who likes to just go without a plan is not for him. We helped each other I'd like to think. Isn't that what dating is? 

I couldn't answer that question of would I look for the same qualities after my 1st marriage and neither could Rick. We both married someone we'd been with from teenagers. Neither of us thought we made conscious decisions and that is surely a great deal of the problems wouldn't you say? Just being kids too young to marry.

But it was so damn much fun to hear what others had to say. 
Oooh - oooh.
We did both say the same thing about each other and that got them boo'ing us. Sorry, we still like each other. Give us another 35 years and we'll see. 

All the divorced people did 180s. I mean like really a complete opposite.
It made me wonder why they married in the first place. Rick and I were wondering if some arguments went on when they all went home.

If you were looking for a partner today (let's pretend) at the age you are would you look for different qualities than you did when you were young? 

I think I'm lucky. 
I'd look for the same things and hopefully, next time around I get Rick #2 all over again!! 

Up From Your Boot Straps

Last night there was a new show called Uncover Billionaire on the Discovery Channel.

You see this billionaire went to a depressed city to show how he can make a million-dollar company in 90 days. The reason Rick and I wanted to watch this show was because he went to my hometown, Erie PA.

It showed the ugliness left after all the factories like Hammermill, GE, small ironworks and foundries all left the rust belt. 
What is left is depressing. The state of roads, buildings, and outlook.

It has a cost of living like everywhere else, they only have lower housing costs, but in comparison to the average income, it too is high. Their taxes are higher than what I pay here in a big city. When the average income is about 33K that is not good. 

As he drove around in winter it showed the falling down empty factories that my family no longer sees. It showed the dinginess and the depression all around that my family does not see. 
I never saw it when living there either, just felt it.

After I moved the first time when I returned home I saw it so clearly.
I moved about to Pittsburgh for school, then off to Cleveland, Seattle, Maryland and now VA and I saw it more and more each time I returned home. I recall saying something to my Dad and he said what are you talking about on 12th street? I explained and he said, "huh, it's been there so long I didn't notice"  Yep that is the issue. The ugliness becomes normal instead of appalling and then you don't make it change.

My niece moved 2 yrs ago and I recall telling her she will see it all very different when you return. After her first visit home, she told me she didn't see anything different. I said it was too soon. Be away for a long time, you will see it as the man on the show saw it.

I like that my hometown is trying with the younger folks who have remained.
Most leave after college for good jobs and pay. The infamous Brain Drain.  Those that stayed always seem to fall into the same trap, low paying jobs, whining about the cost of things on a loop and doing nothing more than going to bars for their entertainment.  Some do go to college and return but it sure isn't many.  But I have seen my niece's generation starting something. The tattooed and the fringe are taking over and I am thrilled.  I hope it all makes a change.

The frustration for me of my hometown has always been a lack of change. 
They say silly inaccurate things like, "It's a great place to raise your kids" 
Oh really? Extremely low tests scores in PA/US. No culture. No diversity. High crime per capita. Nothing for young people to achieve here. I left making $4.75 an hour as I took a job making 35K a year just by moving 90 miles west and doing the same job. (1983) What would you do?  

That is not a good place to raise MY kids. I want diversity, I want good schools who are the best in the state I live, I want things to do other than go to bars for kids, I want culture, I want music, I want art, I want this on a large scale and available to all. I want to find jobs that pay well and that the educated don't need to leave to find them. None of this happens there on a regular basis. I am beginning to see some light and I hope it doesn't flicker out.

One large company is their only hope right now and a hospital. 
Insurance and Healthcare. Both are money makers but did you know they bring in more outside employees than local? I assume this reason is the education level of those who remain there. I could be wrong. That is just my assumption. Those I know who stayed or came back work at those places. They are both great employers but hey, they can't employee the whole population.

My BFF since age 12 is Susan.  Susan has 3 kids. One came back 2 yrs ago from Philly to be the head ER Surgeon at the above-mentioned hospital. When not working though she travels because there is nothing to do she said in town except bars. 
The other left and lives in California never to return he said. (he isn't a fan of the snow and can you blame him?)  One just returned after a divorce. She is now heading up the physical therapy dept that is related to this hospital. Susan is thrilled 2 are back. But she fears only 1 will stay and that is the ER surgeon. 
The one who got the divorce Susan told me that after she is done licking her wounds will leave again.  She said, "I knew they'd all leave after college because what else could they do and use their degrees here? But I don't want them to, I want it to be a place where they could stay and raise their family. 

So you can imagine why this show was of interest to me. I really hope he does what the show says he will do. I also hope the momentum can help the city. Because one person can't do this - it takes a community.
This city has so much to offer but if it doesn't make a change soon it will be a dead town. 

I recall growing up and it was the 3rd largest city in the state.
Now it is 4 or 5. The average age of PA is in the 40's, it is becoming a dying state. They need to make a change and do it soon.  Will they? 
Will they accept change? Will they want to work that hard to change anything? Will they see the benefits or will the benefits scare them? 

You see that is what I think. I think they have a fear of this change.
The older people are so damn negative, about just about everything. 
The younger ones still there have not been completely brainwashed yet so there is always hope.

This show is a series. There are 8 episodes. 
It appeared they filmed this in winter 
(March, which is still winter up there)   I can't wait to see how this plays out.
I am so excited to see my hometown come back.  
Fingers crossed and it will.
But we can't do the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.

So here's to improving the rust belt.
The takeaway line last night for me was when he was struggling with only $30 left and volunteering to feed the poor so he could get a free meal.
He said, "I forgot the big gap/disparity between the haves and have nots.
Yep, that is what happens to all the rich and politicians, doesn't it?

A Poem

America is a Gun

England is a cup of tea

France, a wheel of ripened brie

Greece, a short, squat olive tree.

America is a gun

Brazil is football on the sand

Argentina, Maradona’s hand

Germany, an oompah band.

America is a gun

Holland is a wooden shoe

Hungary, a goulash stew.

Australia, a kangaroo

America is a gun.

Japan is a thermal spring.

Scotland is a highland fling.

Oh, better to be anything

than America as a gun

-Brian Bilston

Random Items in My Little Ole Head

Feeling a bit more like myself and still playing with my new coffee machine.

I had my favorite black Vanilla Biscotti coffee this morning. Yes, Abby I am indeed Mrs. Fancy Pants. You can refer to me like that from now on. Just plain ole black coffee but still from my fancy pants new brewer. 😉

I have noticed that drinking my coffee black as I do makes the temp on the machine way too hot.  However, it is perfect for Rick when using milk.
So I make it and let it sit a bit. Not like I am not doing 100 things in the morning anyway. This way it doesn't get cold I suppose. I have had that issue in the past of always running around and by the time I am finishing my coffee, it is now cold. We tried changing the temperature but if good when black you have to remember to reset when using milk. So I think I'll just leave it and be done with it.

I also found that if you only want a smidge of milk as Rick normally does you can't put it in the steamer to make it work unless you fill it at least to the cappuccino line. So that was a bummer to find out. Oh well. It makes coffee and that is what we needed, a continual stream of coffee. Thank God Coffee is legal. Don't let the republicans know it has health benefits or makes all things better, they will for sure remove this from our homes quickly. In fact, I am certain they will do this damage by the hands of their beloved guns, can't make coffee if the water is pouring out the gunshot holes.
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I have been in such a drug-induced fog that it feels good to be coming out of it.
I am still taking this steroid pack which I hate. I hate that they make me nauseous and that they make me feel and look bloated. But they are helping.
I started with 6 the first day and each day I take less and less until finished.
I have a ways to go but it's hopeful...for now. I know what is coming down the road.

Anyhoo. My favorite baseball team swept the Red Sox this weekend so all is right with the world. We don't ever sweep them at least not often or often enough. We won't be in the world series this year but keeping the Red Sox out is almost as good as going ourselves. Almost. If we had a healthy team we'd be in a different spot but we sure as hell don't. It's been a fun season to watch though. And the red sox are far away from the winner's circle. I can't complain. Oh, who am I kidding I can complain. I hate the Astros and Dodgers and think they will be the lone two fighting it out in the NL. I wish they could both lose and lose in monumental proportions. But it will not happen.
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I hope this is the last weekend of not doing much because my body doesn't like all this laying around. This is my husband's dream, not mine. If he was ill and could just lay about he would love it. To him, it's worth being sick for.

This morning Izzy and I had a long walk because I could.
She was happy about that.
But walking down this street it was filled with leaves. It is August, it is hot and humid. (93) Leaves should not be all over the sidewalk. I will take a photo on tomorrows walk to show you. It looks like fall and we couldn't be further from fall. We don't see that kind of weather until October. Don't even tell me we are in for an early winter or I will have to hurt someone.
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Anyone read Where'd You Go, Bernadette?
I recall loving it. I recall her comments and remarks about Seattle and the PNW women made me laugh out loud in 100% agreement. Some of those exact words I have uttered and I would read them out loud to Rick when I came upon them.

I see it is now a movie with Bernadette being played by the ever wonderful Cate Blanchette. But from the clips that I have seen, I am not sure I will like what they have done to my book. I think I will dust off my copy and try reading this again it has been a few years. Then I will determine if this movie is something I should see. Right now I think not!

Have any of you read Where'd You Go, Bernadette?

Coffee Jitters

Rick and I bought something frivolous.
We don't get to do that as much as you'd think anymore due to being self-employed and poorer.

Oh, we have fixed our old machine 3 times now. I have purchased this part or been told by support what to do. But it keeps stopping mid coffee stream. I can't have that in the morning. 
I need full strength industrial coffee in a big cup filled to the rim!
So we decided to throw caution to the wind and buy this puppy.

This shiny new machine does it all. 
Cappuccinos? Why thank you.
Lattes are your thing, well let me whip one up for you.
Double shot espresso, coming right up.
And regular ole coffee in a pod or grounds for me. Yippee.

This arrived late yesterday. 
I got $20 off but it was still a not necessary purchase of $159.00
It would have been even more if I got the one in silver/stainless steel.
I just didn't need to spend the extra for something like that, but yes, it would have looked much nicer. 

Last night after dinner I sat on the sofa having a beautiful cappuccino.
Normally I drink black coffee with stevia. But boy oh boy was this a treat.
This morning Rick had a caramel latte and according to him, this was far better than Starbucks. The little foamer on the side is the key if you ask me.
I don't often use milk but this was amazingly good.  It will foam hot milk or do it cold if you wish to have an iced coffee drink.

The most surprising thing is how fast this was. 
I threw in the 2% milk to the cappuccino line and put the lid on it and hit the button for hot. It began to swirl and make a hissing noise we're all too familiar with from going to coffee shops. Then I threw in an espresso k-pod and hit 1 shot. As my coffee was brewing my milk was becoming hot and foamy. Both now done at the same time I put the milk in my cup and stir in a teaspoon of stevia. It didn't take any more time really. That was what I was afraid of. All this fussin' in the morning. But it wasn't like that thankfully.

So this coffee addict now has a new toy. I will be making coffee drinks for everyone. I myself will only have one of these fancy drinks for a treat. Too fattening really even using nonfat milk. (The manual says to use 1 or 2% for best results though.) 
But nothing is better after a meal than a cappuccino. So I can see what I'll be having on a Saturday or a Sunday. Rick likes these drinks so I know he will use this often! Fill up his travel mug and off he goes. 

Rick and I stopped going to coffee shops long ago when our whole world turned upside down and we lost our jobs. Foolish money to spend $10 on a couple of coffees. This makes it feel like we're at a coffee shop again, only cheaper really. And as Rick likes to say he can be naked and drink it at our house. Thankfully he doesn't but I understood his point.

Do you drink coffee? Do you like lattes or cappuccinos? 
Would this be your cup of "tea"?