Sniffle, Sniffle

This is me, only I don't have the good fortune of staying in bed.

Remember that flu shot I got? Well they asked me if I was sick. I said no.

I was not feeling well the week before but that week I was back to normal....or so I thought.

I have now had this creeping crud for a week.  Same thing I had that I thought went away.

It built slowly. I tried to ignore it.  But I am now down for the count.

They say the flu affects your body and I don't have body aches except my neck.

From my neck up I feel like shit.

It's a huge head cold, very sore throat, eyes hurt, burn & running, nose stuffed yet running with a cough and sneezing. Who does coughing AND sneezing?

What the hell is that about?  I have no energy at all. 

Okay that is a lie. I get a bit of energy in spurts.

I feel ok for a little bit so I begin to do things and after 10 minutes (tops) I am zapped of all my energy and must lie down. Pathetic.

I have so much work to do and I am doing none of it. I am barely alive and working.

Just had a contractor tell me that I sounded awful and should go home and crawl into bed.

I said, "well if I had done that who would have helped you today?"

He laughed and said, "Okay I'm glad you didn't but I'm done now so you have my permission to go to bed until I need you again tomorrow."

That made me laugh.

Can I get a morphine drip for this?

Medical Marijuana? 

A hot toddy to soothe my throat?

I really need Rick's homemade chicken soup.

I'm freezing, then I'm sweating. My teeth even hurt.

I think Rick is getting this too damn it.

It's like Influenza Hotel here.

And I have not gone to the gym since Monday.

I suck.

I even canceled my hair appointment I had after work.

You know for certain I'm sick when I do that!!

In the mean time if you see me - stay on the other side of the street for your health!

Don't Write me Letters

I don't understand football nor it's appeal.
Rick and I don't like to watch football.
But when the Redskins made this playoff game we thought we'd check in from time to time to see the score. We would watch a few minutes and it would stop a clock and we'd get bored and change the channel and then check back again.
It was hard to live here and not get caught up since that is all that anyone talked about.
Here were a couple comments through out the event made by both of we non football people.

• Why do people think this is so skillful? It's like an amped up game of Red Rover.
• This reminds me of what our society has become, violent and aggressive. (this was said after a hit was made after play was done - just walked by and shoved him)

I see the skill in basketball. I mean that big ball through that narrow net. The blocking etc.
I see the skill in baseball. Hitting a ball coming at your face at 90+ mph and hitting it with a stick. Let alone a well done double/triple play which is like ballet.
I see the skill in hockey to a point - not the violence.
I see skill in golf.
But football I just don't get it. I get the passing and the punting skill but that's all I get.
Sadly we lost the game so I don't have to watch anymore football.

Rick has it much more difficult than me when it comes to this subject.
He's a big guy and everyone assumes he would love to watch football.
While walking the dog the other day everyone said, "hey watching the game today?"
He would just nod and smile or lie and say, "yep"
But he couldn't have cared any less.
But if he says no then they will tell him to take his skirt off and man up.
So he plays along. The pressure of being a guy.

We women have pressure about our looks.
Men have pressure in other ways. "Being manly"
Although this generation is very feminine and young women seem to dig it.
I'm not of that generation so I don't and I guess that is normal. Or is it? Or is it something more?

I watched Biggest Loser the last couple of nights and the constant whining and crying really bothered me. I get this is hard. I get they hit a wall. I get that the trainers job is to break them so that they can then have them in the palm of their hands to mold them. I get it.
It is very very hard. The trainers are tough and they are trying to break you.
But my God stop crying and whining constantly. You want results and you choose to be there. It's tough, everything worth having is....buck up. 
The "men" crying like babies really really bothers me even more.

I like a man who can show his emotions. I like a man who is in touch with his feminine side. Now having said that I like men to be manly. I like men who don't wax all their hair off and look like a Ken Doll.  I like men who are good with their hands in some way. (wink wink) I like men who are taller than me, smell like men not women, dress like men and don't wear leggings. (yes this trend must stop!) and aren't pretty but handsome.

I like that we are different in a lot of ways. Even the annoying ones.
I like that my husband can get teary over a commercial or cries at movies. 
But these "men" on The Biggest Loser who are incessantly whining and crying make me sick.   I am really disgusted by the women but for some reason the "men" make me really disgusted.  I know that is not fair, but I was doing it.
I understand the crying through the pain BUT going on.
I think it's the way the women and men cry and whine!  "Poor me, I'm fat and this isn't fair and it's so hard."  Entitlement crying almost. Or is this all staged?
I asked Rick, why do you think I feel this way about the men a bit more?
I believe in equal rights. I should hate the whining and crying equally. 
Ooh, that is so not nice of me.
Did you see these "men" crying for 2 straight weeks?

Any ideas? Bad person? I'm Chauvinist? Crazy Bitch? All of the above?
I'm going to have to work on this one. Or maybe not share it with the world on a blog.

Moving & Other Random Things Floating In My Head

We want to move.

We want to move badly.

We are jonesing to move.

This is the longest we have lived in any one spot with the exception of my childhood.

But it's getting close to that and it's time to move. Rick and I are itching to move.

This time we don't have our careers that will move us.

We don't have a reason to move this time.

We just want to move.

If we stay in this area we most certainly don't wish to stay in this town. (stepfordville)

But where do we want to go? That is the big question we're dealing with right now.

____________________________________________

Izzy is so smart it is scary. She will not let me take a picture.

She will be in the most perfect position and she turns her head as soon as she sees me grab the camera. The other day I tried so much it drove me crazy and I finally said, "this will not take your soul Izzy, work with me here."  She was a wiggling nut at this point.

Then I said, "Izzy I'll give you a treat if you give me your face just one time okay?"
She turned around immediately and this is what I got.
Then she got up and walked to the pantry to get her treat.

I about died!  Really?  She understood that?  She scares me people.

__________________________________________________

And speaking of the brown wonder dog. We lost a camera.
How do those go together you ask?  Keep reading. 
I dropped a camera 4 years ago at the lake as I was getting out of the boat.
It dropped 12-13 feet to the bottom of the lake under our boat house.
Rick was livid.
Hey - I had a few cocktails. I wasn't driving the boat don't judge... it could happen.
Rick put on his fins and his snorkel stuff and in he jumped.
Never did find that camera. Before we left the lake levels were really low. ( the rumors were flying but that is another post) Down to 5 feet at the dock. So Rick decided he should be able to find the camera (I was hoping for my really nice sunglasses to be found) The last full weekend there he went camera hunting.  I felt it was a waste of time because was he really going to think that camera would work? Have any pictures to see?

Rick didn't listen to me and off to the dock he went. He took his fishing net and went "fishing" for a camera. Damn if he didn't find it. It was gross but he found it. I was wrong.
I think that is only the 2nd time in our marriage. (wink wink)

We opened it up and let it dry out. We took out the card and let that dry.
After 3 weeks we put the card into the printer and there they were, pictures from when Izzy was less than a year old. Pictures from a labor day when our friends kids were so little.
Here are a few. I believe this to be 2009.
Can you even believe the pictures were there after 4 years under water? Over 30 of them.

Izzy is 7 months old here.



Karley in front of our dock. Cute isn't she?

Karley and her brother Joey getting ready for Rick to abuse them pulling them around the lake.

Do we even want to know what Joey is doing in this picture?

____________________________________________

And speaking of photo's have you all noticed that blogger will no longer allow you to upload your pictures from your computer unless in Google Chrome or in HTML.

Don't you just love how people try to control what you use, buy and how to think?

Yea, it pisses me off too! 

Flu Shot

The holidays are over.
The holiday bloat is gone. (yipee.)
Now back to reality.  (boo hiss)

Since we are back in reality I had to deal with the outside world again today.
And we all know how much I just love that.
It started with the idea of a flu shot.

Yes, I know most of you don't believe in them but Rick and I do.
Only get the flu when I don't get one and since I have an autoimmune disease I think it's a good idea to do this. Rick is the one who is normally around people, he goes into peoples homes and brings home to me all levels of creeping crud.

Yesterday Rick sat at the urgent care with people who probably had the flu as he waited for his flu shot. There were 2 older people who were coughing and hacking and of course never into their Kleenex, or hand or whatever. When he got into the room to get his shot they asked him if he was sick. He laughed and said, "I wasn't when I came in here but sitting out there for 30 minutes I don't know what the hell I may have caught." 
The nurses laughed and gave him his flu shot and on his way he went.
(BTW, he gets a free one with his new insurance...another YIPEE)

He came home and reminded me that I still have not done this and I better get my butt somewhere to get one. So like a good 1950's wife I listened to my husband and after the gym this morning I went over to urgent care. The wait I was told would be at least an hour.
All while surrounded by coughing hacking sick people. Nah, not for me. Besides I went to the gym late today and I didn't have all that much time. So I walked to my car and called the CVS a block away. They said I could come right in, no waiting. I spoke to the pharmacy.
It was now 8am and they just opened at 8am.

I walked into CVS and I am the only customer in the place.
Great was my thought - in and out of there quickly.
I went back to the pharmacy and this woman asked what I was there for.
That is an odd way to great a customer.
I told her I wanted to get a flu shot and that I had just called. She nodded and said I needed to give her 15 minutes, all said while never looking at me only her computer screen.
She slid a clip board across the counter and turned away.

I filled it out and brought it back to her. She said that I had to wait 15 minutes.
No problem I can shop.  I went to the greeting card section and thought I would buy some birthday cards I needed that were coming up. I browsed wrinkled creams, magazines, make up and looked at my watch. It was time to get my shot.  I went back to the counter.
As I stood there she came over to me and said, "Can I help you with something"
This was said like she had never seen me before, but then again she never did look at me. (I am the only person in the entire store lady!)
I stated that I was there for a flu shot. She said, "DIDN'T I TELL YOU 15 MINUTES?"
(ah ha she does remember me)
She said this to me like I was being reprimanded from my mother.
I said that it had been 15 minutes already.
(Now I assumed when I called CVS this was the same warm and gracious young woman I spoke to on the phone because they had the same demeanor)

She told me that she was busy. I said, "I understand that but I am the only person here and on the phone you said I wouldn't need to wait."
She repeated and now quite pissed at me, "you'll have to wait 15 minutes" and walked away from me.
I am now late for work and can't wait another 15 minutes so I left.
No sense in saying anything because no telling what the shot would actually be if I made her angry. (You know like a rusty needle or something.)
Now in her defense I am sure she was busy filling scripts for people that would be coming in to the store today. I get that,  however, if she would have just given me the shot I would be on my way and she could go back to filling scripts.
It was all so odd.
If I weren't going to a gym now I probably would blow off getting a shot but I've seen the people in the gym.  Snot nose, coughing, not wiping machines, not covering their mouths etc. I really need that flu shot!

Last Day of 2012 - Thank Goodness!!!!!!!!!

Over the course of this past week or so I have lost my way to the gym but found my way to my kitchen fridge.  Not good.

Back to the gym I go.....that was a tough one today.
Oh how I love my homemade eggnog but sadly so does my ass.

We had a motley fun crew for our holiday dinner. All of us who weren't with family but with friends. We drank, we ate, we laughed.

And Lisa made me laugh the most. Here she is.....

On 2nd glass of eggnog....
I didn't know I liked egg nog.
This is good though.

Appetizers....What are these in this spinach artichoke dip that are crunchy?

Water chestnuts.

Huh. I didn't know I liked water chestnuts.

Salad at dinner....

I don't like peas but I like these peas - who knew?

That just cracked us all up. She's a hoot.

We drank, we ate, we laughed and we unsnapped our pants.

I never did take a photo of the food but here is the cheesecake that Lisa brought and made!
It looked just like a photo of a cheesecake from a magazine.
Sadly I didn't take a photo until we dug into it. It was as good as it looked!

Of course I took photo's after I set up the bar before people came.

Yes, I made the eggnog before people came. We had to make sure it was good enough to serve to our friends. Aren't we thoughtful?

 The bar set up below  - other side of runner was food but not out yet of course. We made them eat appetizers and drink for a few hours to work up the appetite. Or kill it if dinner turned out terribly wrong. I should have taken one of us all at the dinner table but by that time I was a few sheets to the wind. It would not have been clear anyway.

Christina brought a new beau. It's so new they couldn't keep their hands off each other and giving each other goo -goo eyes. He was a cutie I admit. (Christina and Joe on left in gray)

Izzy stares at the food. She never ever licks or touches anything. But she will smell and if she gets too close we just say, "ah ha" and she puts her little head down like she knows she was bad and will walk away. But it is almost like we are torturing her. We are mean human parents.

The one above she is just staring and it cracks me up.  The one below she is smelling. Oh how she would dig into that cheese if she could.

 Finally I had to make that sound so she would back up. She did but was not happy. But she left it all alone the rest of the day.  This is why we call her Izzy the Wonder Dog. Once corrected she is a good dog and we don't know how we got so lucky.

We went to 3 neighborhood parties. 3 Saturdays in a row.
One was so much fun. (first one) Good time had by all and it's a blast each and every year.
Doesn't he look miserable below?  I should have captured him after that party.
Big difference. He was happy, happy, happy. Becasue we could walk to their house and home he took advantage of that for sure. (yes I didn't crop photo to take out heating pad in corner - remember man with broken back here and he was lying on it earlier before the alcohol numbed him)

Second one was military people and it was so boring and the people were so dull and could only talk work. We left quickly and said we had another soiree to attend. I know that wasn't nice but my goodness this was the worst party I have ever attended in my life!
We instead went home and got in our comfy clothes and made fun of all the stiffs at this party. Geez these folks wouldn't know a good time if it hit them. I wanted to scream fire just to see them be animated and move their butts. They all had an air about them of self importance and that alone is enough to make one vomit.  No one really smiled or laughed or was jovial in any way. I felt like running down to my house to bring back a few bottles to loosen these folks up.

All in all they were just really big nerds who had really big ego's and that makes for a very boring party as well as very boring people. The wife of the couple having the party had some  people from her family there.  Like Rick and myself they stuck out.  They were animated, friendly and warm. But I could only talk to them for so long. We just had to leave this place. (they didn't even have music - c'mon not even holiday music! who does that for a holiday party?!) I know that makes us bad but we just couldn't stay for a long time.

The 3rd party was nice enough. Not as much fun as the first one but not as bad as the 2nd one. Somewhere in the middle. We love the woman having it and that was why we went. She is so good to us and a great neighbor. It was a nice diverse group and that makes for a better party. Her grandkids were there as well as her children, some friends and neighbors of hers. It was nice.

In the mean time over the holiday I have continued to play with my camera and discover new buttons and what they are for.  It may take me a couple years it appears for me to grasp this thing. This pic of Izzy below cracks me up because I know I am driving everyone crazy with my new camera and taking photo's constantly. (and mostly deleting them)
Izzy is especially bothered. For some reason she hates having her photo taken. 
She will always look away once I pick up the camera.
This one looks like she's saying to me, "Really is this how it's going to be all the time now?"
Yes I say because you're so friggin' cute, you're my best subject!!

 We both are seriously tired of all the parties, food and liquor.
I know you wonder where you're at. Can't be at SUNC, they never tire of food and liquor. Well believe it or not we have hit that mark now.
Let the dieting begin..... Okay but after tonight's dinner and wine.

And here we are  - New Years Eve.

It is our 19th wedding anniversary today. (and we haven't killed one another)

We are about to hit the 26 year mark of being together here soon.

(living in sin before marriage you know)

Time sure flies when you're having fun.

No parties to attend tonight. Just us.

Dinner and we'll be lucky if we see the ball drop.

We're old - we haven't stayed up to see the ball drop in years.

Pathetic aren't we? Don't much care if I'm being honest.

This is why we got married on this day - well and the big romantic tax reasons.

We both dislike this fake holiday and now we always have an excuse when people ask us to go out with them and get stupid.

"No thanks, it's our anniversary", will stop them from going on and on about it.

Works like a charm.

I am thrilled that 2012 is over.
It was a helluva year for we here at Straight Up No Chaser.
2013 has to be better.

Here's to a year of my house gaining equity so I can move.
Rick's patents and business going global and being wildly successful.
And to me getting a face lift.
Oh sure you thought I was going to say something profound like peace on earth or random acts of kindness - what? You new here?

Happy New Year!!

The World is Ending and my Hair's a Mess

According to the Mayans the world is to end today.
I didn't even get my roots done. So I will probably die with gray roots.
Damn it! I have been so unorganized this year.

My husband saw a recipe for bacon bark on televsion.
He hasn't stopped salivating since.
Dark and white chocolate peppermint bark is something he likes me to make at this time of year. But after he saw this he insisted it must be made.
That means ole Rick is in the kitchen making bacon bark last night.
Seriously this man was vibrating with happiness. Bacon, bacon, bacon in my desserts!!

OH MY GOD WHAT A MESS!
Yes I left the mess until this morning.
When Rick is in the kitchen an empty 7ft kitchen island can be completely full of shit, so much so you can't see the island only an island of a mess.  The dishes piled in the sink, food on the floor and all things are sticky. If he touches the fridge, the cabinets, the oven door etc, they will be so sticky to the touch.  I went to bed to this mess downstairs and I woke up this morning and began my clean up detail.  And for some reason he doesn't even see the mess. He still smells the bacon though this morning and that made him happy, happy, happy.

He ate 98% of this bacon bark and this morning there are a few (3) pieces left.
I think he liked it. I tried it. It was okay. (I'm not a pecan's biggest fan.)
Just what my carnivore bacon obsessed man needs bacon bark.

This man will eat most anything if wrapped in bacon.
I swear if I put a dab of bacon grease behind each ear I could get him to follow me anywhere and do anything.  I may have to start wearing that because it is less expensive than cologne.
If I wrapped myself in bacon it would make him a very happy man.
Naked and Bacon - his favorite gift right there!
(Hey I think I just found a new slogan for his T-shirt.)

For his birthday I saw a bacon of the month club. No shit there is one.
He was so thrilled when I got him fruit of the month one year.
(no that would not thrill me but he likes fruit almost as much as bacon - almost)
So I can't wait to get this for him.
He will be squealing like a pig.   ha ha, pun intended.

This will be my last day on the blog.
I'm off into the wild frenzy of this least favorite holiday of mine.

I hope all of my blogger readers have a Wonderful Holiday and it is everything you want and need it to be.

See you all next week.

Merry Christmas!

My Favorite Holiday Video

A  friend asked me about this video I had on my blog back in 2008.
I do so love this commercial so here is my annual posting of it.
I get such a kick out of the things being said on the loudspeaker in the background.

So to all my male blogger buddies, take heed. Your significant other does not want a vacuum, a moustache waxer or to be told her mom can really rock her bikini!

Random Items

I'm in an odd mood today.
I am sick and that surely doesn't help much.
I don't normally get sick or the flu.
I just deal with allergy issues.
But I started going to the gym - germs galore and people, lots of people.
I imagine that is how I got sick since normally I don't see a lot of people due to working from home and only walking my dog.
Damn gym, another reason one shouldn't go.
_________
This weekend was 24/7 of the tragedy in Connecticut.
We just couldn't take it anymore.
It's all so big, sad and heart breaking.
Sunday morning Rick and I were in tears and he said, "Why are we watching this? I don't need to cry in the morning!"
We turned on some happy music to get away from it all.
I can't fathom the pain these families are dealing with this.
They can't get away from it all.
___________
We had 2 pay per view certificates from Dish Network so we ordered a movie last night.
Thankfully this was free because the movie really sucked.
We heard from everyone who saw it how funny it was.
Grown up people who's opinions we respected.
It wasn't funny or well written.
The only time we laughed was the ending updates over the credits.
We kept saying, what is wrong with us? Why don't we find this funny when everyone else did?  Why do we always like movies no one else does?  Why did we want to punch Mark Wahlberg and that accent out of his mouth?
So tell me did you see Ted? Did you like it? What the hell did I miss?
Mila Kunis sure is gorgeous though isn't she?  I get why all the men are ga-ga over her.
_________
I start a photography class in late January.
I have always wanted to learn to take good pictures. I take horrific photos.
I admit I was very intimated about doing this but it has been growing louder and louder for me to do this over the last 2 years. I wouldn't admit it to anyone because honestly I thought I was nuts to think about doing this. And of course the cost factor.

Then I said it out loud to Rick. He thought it would be a great idea.
I was still not convinced.
Rick will support any half assed idea I have.
I can't rely on him to be objective and I know that.

The next day I got a book in the mail listing all the adult classes in the county I live in.
I was flipping through the book and saw knitting and thought, gee that would be fun to get into again. I haven't made anything in a really long time. Then right across from the knitting was beginner photography. Hmmm....it was at a school close by in the evenings.
One day a week for 2 hrs.  (Jan - April) Not much money was needed for the class at all.
I've spent more on wine.  But I couldn't make myself do it.  Fear.
It always comes down to fear doesn't it?
I have shown no talent for this what so ever - hell I have no talents what so ever.
I have just had a bug up my ass for 2 yrs about doing it.
Don't know why I was just drawn to it.
Rick has been saying to me since the day I met him, "What would you do if you took fear out of the equation?"  I know he's right but this time it was the money issue more than even the fear.  Or was I using that excuse?  

I folded over the page and left the book on the coffee table for a week.
Then as I was dusting off the table I read it again. Could I do this?
The last line of the course description said to bring your own camera.
Well I don't have one except a point and shoot and they want you to bring a DSLR.
So the class is cheap, cheap, cheap but buying a camera will not be.
So I dusted the table and put that book back on top of my stack of magazines.
For some odd reason I couldn't bring myself to toss this into the recycle bin just yet.

For a week Rick kept asking me if I signed up for the class.
I kept telling him the cost of a camera was way more than we could afford.
He kept telling me to spend the money for all the work I did on the house sale and the finances etc of this last year of juggling and taking care of everything for him. 
I tried to keep the stress off Rick and handle it all myself.
"Please treat yourself for all the hard work you did alone. You deserve this" he would say.
 Yes, I did do it all but I did it for us.
He didn't have time, nor the fortitude to deal with all the minutia.
Add to the fact that he would have told this buyer to go to hell with all the pickyune (sp?)shit.  I had to do it. Besides the stress would have sent him over the edge.
But that doesn't mean I should be spending money on a camera I don't need.

So Rick went to Best Buy and bought me a camera that was $200 less than normal if purchased by a certain day. He told me it was an early present.
I said, "We don't do Christmas presents!"
He said, "then it's a thank you and a birthday present. Margaret just say thank you."
Oh I thanked him (wink wink)
I have now signed up for classes.
We'll see how this goes.
As of right now I can't figure out much on this camera.
I finally got it turned on and took a few pictures.
How do I get them to my computer I still don't know.

The new camera makes me feel incredibly stupid.
Took me 2 days to figure out how to turn it on and take photos.
Sadly that is no exaggeration.
I hope I have a grasp before I get to class.
I realize this is a beginner class and not a special needs class.
I will at least need to know how to turn the damn thing on.
I don't worry about feeling stupid in class or any of that stuff.
I worry about never grasping this after Rick paid for a nice camera.
Not looking good right now since I can't figure out many of these buttons.
The manual is Greek to me.....I need to learn Greek quickly.

Holiday Cartoons

I am stealing this idea from my blogger buddy Bill and having a Saturday Cartoon day.
Here ya go.....

 

2013 I Can't Wait Until You Get Here!

2012 has sucked big time for me.
So I am not completely a scrooge I will say, I am thankful to be alive.
The rest of the year can all go to hell.

My husband's body is falling apart all in a matter of 2 months.
Let's recap shall we?

He had a heart issue that thankfully was benign and seems to be righting the course with medication. That was a fun scary trip though.
Then he walked into the corner of a planter that tore the tendon over his knee cap and had him down for the count for 3 1/2 weeks.
Then he began complaining about his back, A LOT.

Now I have shared with you right here on this page that my husband is the nicer version of me. But when he is in pain everyone must suffer along with him. I am not like that. I just go away quietly and want to sleep or be left alone.  Oh no, if he suffers everyone must suffer. 
If this is my future with this old coot I am in a shit load of trouble...or maybe he is.
He gets mean and cranky and truthfully I would just as soon kill him than live with him.
I always say there is a reason I do not believe in owning guns, because I would use them. This past week would have been one of those occasions!

Headlines: Wife shoots husband because he was a cranky ass bastard to her and everyone around him. She was exhausted and tired of being kind, nice, patient and waiting on him hand and foot all the while taking his abuse of barking, whining, and screaming at the dog or his wife. Jury lets her off the hook because of the video showing Satan had possessed her former sweet man's body.

Rick, who will now be referred to as CAB (cranky ass bastard) came home from work and would lay on a heating pad and bark at me. He would eat Ibuprofen like pez.  He would drink alcohol. He wouldn't go to the doctor. Then finally he went to the see the chiropractor.  He went 3 times. It didn't help a great deal. The pain shooting down his ass and thigh was a bit better but not enough to turn him back into the man I love. I wanted to run away.

I suggested going to see my back doctor. I reminded him of my back surgeries and how this man helped me. How he was just voted the top 1% in the whole US of A. He is that good. Nope he wouldn't go. Well I got sick of his whining and yet doing nothing about it so I did it myself.

I called the doctor because if I didn't get him help I would be rotting in jail over Christmas. The lovely office manager told me there was a cancellation if I could bring him in the very next day. I told her I'd carry him if necessary.  I changed Rick's work schedule and made this happen. Believe it or not the customers were understanding and worked with me. That in of itself is a Christmas miracle and I am thankful (again) for that.

Yesterday morning CAB went to the doctors office at 8AM.
It was a 2 hour visit and $710.00 later (they don't take insurance at the spinal institute) we find that he has a hairline fracture in his lower back, L5 is slipping causing it to hit the SI joint (hip) and he has a herniated disc on L4/L5 causing the nerve to be pressed on causing the pain down the ass and thigh.  

CAB is falling apart people.
His warranty on his parts appears to be null and void.

He began a steroid pack this a.m. and after that he then begins a prescription anti-inflammatory. They can't be taken at the same time apparently. I called and got him started on Physical Therapy for next week. If this does not relieve him they will then go to a shot, no not just tequila but of cortisone I presume.  Eventually he will need surgery.

Boy we got him insurance in the nick of time didn't we?
(Thank you President Obama again!)

They also told him he MUST lose weight.
Great, talk about bringing back CAB!
The doctor told him that he must remove all white things from his diet.
There is an acid in the white carbs that increases the inflammation they are trying to remove. Rick is in pain and on a diet. The doctor apparently hates me. 

I don't eat white foods due to my gluten issue. So basically he'll be eating like me which means not two different meals but one. Sounds nice but I know how Rick can't wrap his head around dieting. This should be a boat load of fun.  Depriving him of his beloved pizza should help the CAB meter.

The  best thing of all you ask? DRUGS. Yes, drugs!
Oh the glorious invention of narcotics!! 
They gave him some percocets because he has issues with vicodin.
The doctor wasn't certain that percocets would be strong enough to relieve the pain.
But thankfully Cranky Ass Bastard turned into Rick last night after the medication took effect.

The wonderful world of drugs allowed him to sleep last night, apologize over and over again for being a shit head ....and I did not say, Oh stop it, it's okay.
Oh no, he should have apologized. He was a shit.
And I accepted those apologies graciously all night.
CAB turned into Rick and he even smiled and laugh.
Oh I now get why people get addicted to drugs.

I am thinking of baking his pain medication in some cookies, dropping them in his water and food supply. It may be the only way to do an exorcism on Cranky Ass Bastard! 
Is that wrong?

My Trip North

I made it up to Erie Pennsylvania without a hitch.
I picked up my niece in Pittsburgh on Friday from her job at the mall.
She works as well as going to grad school.

She asked me if I had room in my car for her laundry on the phone the day before we left.
I laughed and said, "of course, I have an SUV"
But when she came out of her apartment with this enormous amount of dirty laundry I literally laughed out loud. I asked her if she had any clean clothes at all with her.
She said, "I'm wearing them."  Good thing I had this big vehicle because she took up the whole back seat with her dirty clothes. Seriously blogger friends she had a full closet full of dirty clothes! (And she has a lot of clothes, she works at a clothing store at the mall)

She told me it was $5.00 to wash and dry one load so she likes to take them home as often as possible. So with me driving this was a cheap way to do laundry.  Oh how I remember those days! 
It was so great having her in the car for the last 2 hours of the trip. Made it fly by.
She is such a great young woman and I am so proud of her. But that story is for another day.

The whole weekend up there was grey, damp and drizzly. I thought I was in Seattle.
It was 50 degrees and that is so unusual for Erie in December let me tell you!!

Friday night I sat with my parents in the kitchen drinking wine and "shooting the shit" as they say. My nieces and my parents and I all laughing and talking.
My father looks frail to me. He was always this big barrel chested man with Popeye forearms and now he is this little man who is so skinny and small. Everyone who sees him all the time don't seem to notice. But I don't see him often and I see the changes and they appear to be so dramatic to me. His face has a bright pink spot where he just has some melanoma thingy removed.  (yes that is the technical term)
He has some brown spots like old people get on his face.
He is probably at my goal weight of 120-125lbs.
That is so small for a man who was so robust and big before. 

My father was talking about his "Dago Red" which when I was growing up he made it in our basement.  I remember all those jugs on the top of his work bench filled with this dark red wine that he gave to my Uncles and we drank a lot of. 
My father turned to me and said, "Peggy did you live with me in Fairview when I made the Dago Red?"  That hit me like a slap in the face. I had to fight back tears.

You see we moved to Fairview, a suburb of Erie, when I was 5 years old. 
I grew up there and lived there until I moved out at  age 19 yrs. 
I used to sit on the top of his work bench and watch him fill the bottles and he would let me have a taste from his fingers after he dripped it all over. I loved that! 
(So you see I have been drinking red wine since I was a little thing)

So hearing him ask me this threw me for a loop.  I didn't know what to say?
Do I say something and make him feel badly because he is slipping?
Do I just let it go? 
My mother jumped in and said, "Of course George, Peggy grew up in Fairview."
He said embarrassingly, "Oh yeah, that's right."  and he went on with his story.

I have always been afraid, no, petrified, of house cats. I mean it's a fear like one has of anything. I know most don't understand it and tell me things like, "Oh but you'd like my cat." No I wouldn't. It's not about liking, it's about FEAR.
I always tell them if I were afraid of heights would you make me stand on a ledge at 13 stories and tell me it's okay because it's not the penthouse floor?
No, you'd understand it's a fear at 13 stories up or 30 stories up.
I get it; the fear of cats is not logical, but most fears aren't.
So to the rest of the story..... My father asked, "why aren't you staying at our house?"
I told him, "because you have cats now Dad" (they were locked up in their bedroom because I was there)
He said, "since when don't you like cats?" I said, "I am afraid of them Dad it's not about liking them" He then said, "Really? since when?"

That about sent me over the edge. He has known this since I was an itty bitty thing.
I really had to fight the tears. Now I assumed my father was dealing with dementia and it was the first time I have seen this.
It was not pleasant. So again I just played along with him.
I told him since I was a little girl I have been afraid of them.  He just nodded and told me that it was okay he didn't really like the damn cats either. That made me laugh.

He seemed coherent the rest of the time there. Apparently according to my mom he is "with it" were her words, the majority of the time. She has not shared any of this on my weekly phone calls you see.  She said he is fine and then he will "slip" and then he's back. 
It could be weeks she said before it will happen again. She has taken him to the doctor and they said at 85 it was nothing to be alarmed about. It wasn't Alzeheimers just the normal things that happen to one at that age. I wasn't buying it all but I let it go. Maybe they are right, but I doubt it.

It's just weird to see this big strong man who you grew up believing could do anything.
He was your protector as a child and young woman. The big man who slipped you a $20 when you went home to eat or do laundry, who helped you move your furniture from apartment to apartment, who scared all your boyfriends, who walked you down the aisle and now he is so small  and frail and doesn't know you out of context.

It wasn't my favorite trip.

Heading North

I'm a glutton for punishment so I am heading north in winter.
I haven't seen my father in a year and he's not getting any younger.
Since we can't go up there for the holidays I am making a quick trip up north for the weekend. I'll be leaving early Friday morning.

While I want to see everyone I admit I really need to see my Dad.
It's important to see him while he's alive and not regret not going after he's gone you know?

My dad continues to work at Wal-Mart as a greeter at age 85. (okay 8 weeks shy of 85)He hasn't been feeling tip top of late but he will never miss work.
I swear he thinks that the place will collapse without him there.
(there's the missing work ethic of people today)
Then again on some days I think that little job is what gets him up in the morning.
A feeling of purpose and a place to be. Retirement never really sat well for my father.
He didn't have hobbies except for golf. He hurt his shoulder and after that he couldn't play much. So aside from cocktails there isn't a lot of things he likes to do.
Once his favorite brother died and all his friends had passed he really has seemed like he didn't know what to do with himself.
In that sense Wal-Mart has been a blessing for him.
But some times I just wish he would or could take it easy. 

My mom has already booked me solid. I have a schedule whether I want it or not.
Sometimes when I go up to my hometown I don't tell them for a few days so I can visit friends and see others outside of my family. But it will be a whirlwind trip this time with family, family, family.

I will either come home with a lot of fun stories or I'll be writing from my rehab facility for alcohol issues. Either way it's blog fodder.

I am picking up my niece in Pittsburgh. She is in grad school there. 
I will be picking her up from work and then we'll continue north to Erie PA for a cold weekend.  My mom has called in the sisters and nieces and we will be drinking and baking cookies together on Saturday. Now in all seriousness this can be a lot of fun or this could go terribly awry.  I am praying for the first one.  You just never know though what will happen.

In the mean time I can now lift my arms again. Yep, just in time to shovel in some chocolate right? 

p.s. I went to the gym this morning at 4:50am. I can't believe I'm doing this either. My arms better be rockin' by memorial day damn it.

Sad sad day for me.

I am in mourning!

Ah shit.

I know it was bound to happen but it doesn't make it hurt any less.
My boyfriend is dating someone. He has been dating her for 7 months.
That is a long time for my boyfriend.
How dare he! I am waiting here.

This is the wench he is dating.
How can a mere mortal woman even compete?
Yes and they appear to be real too if you know what I mean.
I hope she's at least dumb as a box of rocks.

I have to go sew a black arm band onto my clothing now and cry.
Jerry how could you?

Gym

The only reason I can type is because I can rest my wrists and arms on the keyboard desk hand/arm rest thingy or else I wouldn't be able to do this either.
Seriously I am sore.
I am pathetic as well. I joined a gym willingly.
What the hell is wrong with me?

I have 6 months to get into this great dress I had to buy for my step daughters wedding.
She told me the color family she wanted me in. Check
She told me that she didn't care if it were full length or cocktail length. Check
It is her day so I am abided by her wishes.
I am not a huge fan of the color but it works with my coloring.
However all these damn dresses are sleeveless. What the hell is up with that?
Even with a shawl, my big ole arms are exposed.
The problem with this is that I do not have great looking Michelle Obama arms.
I covet her arms!

I am struggling with a lot of the work out.
However, it is the strong concentration on my arms that is causing me the most pain because I told them my goal.
I'd bitch slap myself if I could lift my arms.

Do you know how heavy a glass of wine is?
Lifting is easier than bringing it towards my mouth though.
My biceps are burning. Hell everything is burning except my legs.
From my hips up I am in pain.

This weekend I couldn't even pour it for myself - Rick did it for me.
I asked for a straw so I didn't have lift the big ole wine glass.
Rick was my task master telling me to lift, sip, and down, lift, sip and down.
It made me laugh - my trainer for drinking.
Everyone should have one.

I meet a friend at the gym who is so far ahead of me. If I did her workout I'd die.
No exaggeration, I would fall over and die. I aspire to be her someday. I fear it's a long long day away though.

My upper body is so weak that I am sure if you came by and slapped me today I would just stand there and take it. I couldn't hit you back unless I used my strangely strong legs.

When I got back to the house this morning Rick was leaving.
He went to give me a hug and I just slammed my head into his chest and kept my arms down by my side. He laughs. I am not seeing the humor just yet.

Ever see that scene from The Carol Burnett Show when the dentist stabs himself with novocaine?
His arms are all loosey goosey and he can't lift them? Well that is my situation exactly.
Only without the novocaine......I would sure like the novocaine all over!
I think my best look today is going to be horizontal.